âIâm hella sick but not old enough to purchase cough medicine and that sounds really pitiful coming from a college student but would you please go buy me some NyQuil???â au
âWe made a bet at the beginning of the laser tag game to see who was better and guess who won. Itâs time to pay up.â au
âWho keeps using my wifi?â âLiterally everyone, your password is hella easy to guess.â au
Tried to unlock the wrong car in the parking garage au
âIâm on the FBIâs most-wanted list for killing a fuck ton of people, but calm down I just wanna date you bc your face is v smoochable and you give me butterflies.â au
See also; âDating a most-wanted serial killer and never getting a heads-up before they come home covered in blood so youâve gotta be ready to draw the curtains and hide a body every time you hear a car pull into the drivewayâ au
âWe really should not have played Monopolyâ au
Life-sized version of Clue in the old manor on the hill au
âI originally followed you on Instagram bc youâre hot and Iâm thirsty but now Iâve developed actual feelings for you bc youâre a genuinely good personâ au
âFuck me youâre cute why did we have to meet on the one day I decided to stay in my sweats??â au
âI went to the bar last night bc I just got dumped and wanted to drink away my pain but then one thing lead to another and somehow I broke into your house thinking it was mine and now I canât find my left shoe but are those waffles I smell?â au
'I saw that you were reading Eleanor and Park have you gotten to the part where she leaves him and if so can we talk about it because not a lot of people have read this book and I need a shoulder to cry on.â au
'You passed out in Disneyland and Iâve been taking care of you for the past two hours oh my god are you okay??â 'Yes Iâm okay but who the hell are you supposed to be?â 'Iâm the face character for Peter Pan but thatâs not importantâ au
'I donât really know you but I noticed that this creep has been trying to chat you up even though youâve already turned him down, so Iâll pretend to be your boyfriend/girlfriend  until they leave you alone.â au
Attend same-sex privet schools that are right across the street from each other au
'I donât like you and you donât like me but our best friends just died in a car crash and left their one-year-old daughter in our custody so now weâve got to act civil and end up falling for each otherâ au
[Basically a Life As We Know It au]
'Found your number inside of a library book that looks like it hasnât been checked out in ages and decided to text you to see if it worked au
'The biggest rule of immortality is to not get involved with mortals but whoops I was in a coffee shop one day and fell in love with you and now Iâm freaking out bc in the grand scope of things we donât get a lot of time together but fuck no please donât leave me not yet no.â au
'I just moved into the apartment next door and I am 100% sure that itâs haunted bc this building used to be a hospital and anyway I heard I noise coming from inside the walls can I please just crash here for the night?â au
'I know that youâre really into school and probably donât want to risk your spot on the college football team, but would you mind if I smoked in our dorm room??â au
Followed by 'Nah, I donât care, as long as I can shotgun some smoke from that pretty little mouth of yours.â au wow that got sexual and I am not sorry.
Went to the beach for the first time au
Rival team captains who know nothing about personal space and constantly get into fights where they end up face-to-face every single game until one day one of the coaches yells at them to either kiss or get back to the game au
'Hey, so I might have just robbed a bank right now and I kind of need a getaway car, would you pleeeeeaaase help me I can pay you back in sexual favors but also cash.â au
'I know that you donât know me, but you were on the receiving end of my girlfriend/boyfriendâs heart donation and being around you kind of makes it feel like theyâre still here Iâm sorry if thatâs kind of weird.â au
'Shit I wasnât watching where I was walking and ended up spilling my Rockstar all over your white sweater Iâm so sorry here have my jacket.â au
Caught yelling at Go, Diego, Go in the hospital waiting room and after an awkwardly long period of silence the other person joins in bc theyâve got nothing better to do with their waiting time au
'The person living in the apartment across the wall to mine is a nymphomaniac and yeah okay theyâre p hot but itâs v hard to write an essay on feminism when all I can hear is sexual screaming.â au
Itâs three am, I just wanted some clam chowder, and some how I ended up on Hollywood Bl. can you please tell me where a good restaurant is I think Iâm going to cry.â au
'Fuck my ex just walked into the restaurant with their new girlfriend/boyfriend could you pretend weâre dating so they donât think Iâm hung up on them I swear Iâll pay you later.â au
'I work at the daycare that you drop your daughter off at every week and she got me sick.â au
'So I know we just met but itâs raining and my tent has a hole in it, could I sleep in your camper with you?â au
'Okay okay okay I know weâre just friends and I donât want anything to change that but I may have told my mom that weâre dating so she would stop trying to set me up with people would you be up to going to my sisterâs wedding as my plus one so my mom wonât know I lied?â au
'Hit me, weâre on college campus and youâll have to pay for my tuitionâ au
'Your headphones arenât plugged in all the way so that hardcore porn fic youâve been listening to for the past ten minutes has been broadcasting through the bus on full volume.â au
Wimbledon [the movie] au
'Constantly getting confused as the girlfriend/boyfriend of the lead singer for a heavy metal band bc Iâm always going to concerts and getting backstage passes but Iâve never even met the lead singer until the day he/she got drunk and we hooked up in his/her tour bus [whoops now weâre actually dating shh]â au
'Itâs two am, weâre standing outside of our apartment building bc someone pulled the fire alarm, and you look cold and unprepared, do you want to share my blanket?â au
Heartache On The Big Screen au
Breakfast At Tiffany's au omg pls
'The zombie apocalypse started two years ago I canât believe I still have to work at this fucking book store.â au
We like each other but our dogs donât so Iâm going to have to ask you to stop taking this walking route you attractive fuckerâ au
'Sometimes, your soulmate and the love of your life donât end up being the same person. And thatâs something I had to learn the hard way.â Au