RE: " HOPPER IS ABUSIVE "
there's a lot of talk about hopper being an abusive parental figure, or word of him not being suited to take care of a child because of what happened in s2e4 when he and eleven fought, but i'm going to dissect this for you guys because there are things you need to understand about abuse and the difference between an abuser and, you know, hopper.
001. tumblr has a tendency to make things very black and white, which is not inherently bad, per se ( especially because as a person with personality disorders, that's just how things are sometimes ), but the community has a lot to learn about "problematic" behaviour in media and how they receive it, especially because hopper's growth was a huge plot point in this season and the last, + that's largely what "problematic" performances are ––– plot points. i am not excusing hopper's behaviour during the fight, and even believe that it was dangerous and verging on what could be classified as "abusive", but the fact that he owned up to it and seemed genuinely remorseful and apologetic is a grave difference between him and someone like, say, brenner, whose intentions were malicious and harmful to the very end. not to mention the fact that he did apologise to eleven, something that abusive parents often force their children to do instead, even when the parent is the culprit ––– besides, they both were largely at fault for what happened, it was not an entirely one-sided argument.
also, hopper's overbearing nature probably has a lot to do with the fact that he views himself as an intrinsically virulent part of anyone's life because he's already lost his daughter and wife ( which he exclusively blames himself for ). we cannot say with certainty that his worry is unwarranted, especially not after the fact that his anxiety manifested itself so faithfully as soon as eleven stepped foot outside ( RE: cops being called on her, her getting sucked back into another abusive correspondence with someone she thought she could trust [008/kali] ).
002. the crux of hopper and eleven's dynamic in season 2 was eleven's growth and creating a relationship built on actual trust, rather than one based on a difference in power, or how "special" eleven is and placing her on a pedestal. we even see another example this season of eleven being used for her powers and being lied to, essentially being told that her pain was/is for the greater good ( much like brenner's psychology ). this is not to say that kali was a bad character, but she was manipulative and made eleven believe that she'd always be an outcast.
tldr; i truly believe that intentions are everything. with brenner and kali, it is clear that their intentions were very much greed, power and control, of which is abusive: brenner conditioning eleven into a weapon, letting her believe she is a monster; kali reaffirming this idea that eleven needed to be something because she was different. hopper's intentions were to keep her safe, he was not holding her captive and intentionally suppressing her for his own gain and his actions, concern and ultimate relief testify to that.
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