A J S

someone who wishes life to be more

[a-j-s-the-only]

“…make death proud to take us.”

-Shakespeare, Antony and Cleopatra

[a-j-s-the-only]

Apolytus

I learned a new word today.

The one for outgrowing old problems,

a snake shedding it's scales.

I think its an odd feeling. The same scales I shed, are what had kept me warm in comport. Is this all I fought for? Dried remains of what I almost lost to?

The place I wished to burn down, yet now I wish for the familiar warmth. There is comfort in the known

[a-j-s-the-only]

Dirt on my hands create infections for the ones I try to heal, they lay shot by my own bullets.

Please don’t apologize for your blood on me

[a-j-s-the-only]

What echo will be left to this place For when I leave, never to speak again

Thank you To the walls that heard it The ceiling who kept my mind window the morning sun bled from And the floors that held me when the weight was too much

But fuck you. Never to speak back Not finalize my mind The invasion of privacy And for not picking me up when the weight was too much

[a-j-s-the-only]

mundane

there will always be poetry two lovers gazing into the moon solemnly you walking ever so close to me chipped nail polish, climbing trees

nothing of if halts with age some things differ, some things change no longer child tantrums of rage instead, we understand the cage we work for the change

(remember to chant our message at noon)

I don’t believe it began with us we’re merely of earth’s dust think of nature’s rust something inevitable— not from us.

before there was, after there is nothing to fill the abyss always something to love, turns something to miss

Not the first, nor the last something to have, a time to pass there is poetry without the words music without the chords

I don’t know what to do with this perhaps it’s just here to exist

I beg, I insist, please persist amongst these repeating fists

you’re all I have, and all I’d miss

[a-j-s-the-only]

Something I knew

And tried to understand 

Was these things don’t last

Because of my past

[a-j-s-the-only]

So for now on

I’m a whisper in the wind

That you hear and you know

But theres people around

And we don’t have eachother now

So I’m a whisper in the wind

To be nothing else

[a-j-s-the-only]

Tell me you hate me

   in a thousand other languages 

But I beg of you,

Of all the words,

Let none take back your love

[a-j-s-the-only]

My love,

I have gone mad in my mind and you are who I am to find.

It is you I miss it is to you I wish

I have gone mad.

I do not have enough, —please— I just need your love.

[a-j-s-the-only]

“you’re kind.”

“you deserve kindness”

[a-j-s-the-only]

I do not know what I expected

but the phone call on a random Tuesday, was not it.

because it should not have ended so casually I thought the world might implode or I would explode

anything but nothing

[a-j-s-the-only]

you deserved the world

but we gave you hell instead

[a-j-s-the-only]

I had to let you go in all the small details

your timezone was saved on my clock

[a-j-s-the-only]

I love you too much.

too much to not fall after you. because who in this world, would be here to speak your name so it is not lost in the wind?

you will not be forgotten

[s0-stfu]

I left,

but I still say your name.

Softly, when no one’s listening.

Not because I want to hurt,

but because I don’t want you to vanish.

You always said you didn’t need anyone.

You barely looked at the world.

You turned away from it all —

but not from me.

You let me in,

quietly, like someone who doesn’t trust the light

but still opens a window.

And we were never loud together.

Just two people being alone in the same space.

And somehow, that was enough.

Enough to feel safe.

Enough to make silence feel like comfort instead of punishment.

Now I’m gone.

And I know it hurts —

not because you’re suddenly missing everyone,

but because I was the one you chose to be alone with.

And I hope you know:

even from far away,

I’m still holding the part of us that mattered most.

You may feel forgotten.

But you aren’t.

Not by me.

Never by me.

[a-j-s-the-only]

how can a bad person have so many good moments?

[a-j-s-the-only]

I thought about you today

[a-j-s-the-only]

I think the worst part

is knowing if you stayed, it wouldn’t be for me.

Just the mask I wore.