A human bean

I like things and I'm always tired. If you ask me how I am, I am tired. 24/7. I am a Jessie, and an adult human. I think 25 or somthin but I'm not good at math so what can you do. Nothing is coherent here and there is little I can do about that. Stupid is the only constant.

[konoko]

[anneriawings]

OKAY CAN SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THE FUCK YOU SHIP A PACKAGE OF COOKIES TO A FRIEND WHO LIVES IN NEW JERSEY, ONLY TO HAVE IT NOT GET THERE ON TIME BECAUSE IT SOMEHOW ENDED UP IN GUAM?

I JUST

GUAM?

[phantomrose96]

IM CRYING REAL TEARS MAH DUDES THE COOKIES ARE IN GUAM

KATIE TRIED TO SEND US COOKIES OUTTA THE GOODNESS OF HER HEART AND JUST

“OHHHH THESE COOKIES WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TO NEW JERSEY, PHIL? I THOUGHT YOU SAID

[anneriawings]

12/27, 8:37PM CT

ITS STILL IN FUCKING GUAM

[anneriawings]

12/28, 12:18PM CT

THE COOKIES ARE IN HONOLULU GUYS THEY ***FINALLY LEFT GUAM***

[anneriawings]

12/28, 10:22PM CT

THE COOKIES ARE FINALLY ON THEIR WAY TO NEW JERSEY

GO COOKIES GO

@phantomrose96 @cupcakecreeper​ @homebeccer GET READY

[anneriawings]

lol i was looking through my history to find the tracking number page and

[anneriawings]

12/30, 12:39AM CT

@phantomrose96 @homebeccer @cupcakecreeper

holy fuCK HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS

THE COOKIES ARE ALMOST THERE

[phantomrose96]

The saga of Katie’s Guam cookies is my Anime of the Season

[anneriawings]

THEY’VE ARRIIIIIIIIIIVVEEDDDDD THEY’RE ON THE FRONT DOORSTEP

[anneriawings]

COOKIES ACQUIRED

[homebeccer]

THE THRILLING CONCLUSION

also as a bonus visual here’s a rough approximation of these cookies’ journey

[anneriawings]

how the FUCK did this blow up and get so many notes

[anneriawings]

SO FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES, @homebeccer @phantomrose96 @cupcakecreeper AND I WANTED TO KNOW HOW MUCH IT WOULD ACTUALLY COST THE U.S. GOVERNMENT TO INTENTIONALLY SEND THESE COOKIES FROM TEXAS TO GUAM TO NEW JERSEY AND???????????????

AND 

IT’S

IT’S

IT’S NOT AN OPTION IT’S NOT AN OPTION I CAN’T I-

I COULDN’T EVEN HAVE SENT THESE COOKIES TO GUAM EVEN IF I’D HAVE TRIED 

[phantomrose96]

Cant believe we uncovered the Guam Cookie glitch folks

Its not even an in-game feature

[crowreys-wormstache]

Oh my god it’s back

[anneriawings]

H O W

[anavar-immela]

I’ve had this sort of thing happen.

At least it explained why the package took so long to get here.

[phantomrose96]

I appreciate that they have an Entire Stamp for “Missent to Nepal”

No one said “hey let’s stop missending things to Nepal” they just said “let’s make a stamp for this” and called it a day.

I’m gonna get Missent to Guam tattooed on my arm in commemoration. 

[terrainterrain-pullup]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[offonaherosjourney]

Get Moist von Lipwig in charge of the US postal service ASAP

[korasonata]

Ok I know this is super old now but I work at a post office and I was curious about the price so I did some digging and I still don’t have a definite answer because THE REASON it says “no shipping services available” is because all shipping services were actually suspended to Guam at the time. As in no packages, parcels, letters, or mail of any kind could be sent to Guam. So not only is it mind boggling that it got sent so far in the wrong direction of its intended destination, but because nothing should have been able to get in to Guam period.

You QUITE LITERALLY could not have sent these cookies to Guam if you tried.

[irondive]

[virtualgirladvance]

[yorgen-sh]

[winterweary]

This made me laugh out loud

[76ello]

Reblogging in honor of the first day of baseball season.

[ceruleanfuckup]

The pitcher that exploded the bird is a photographer now, this is his logo

[sternfleck]

Thoughts and prayers to my European mutuals suffering under their omega heat

[ralfmaximus]

do NOT google "omega heat"

[chocomiking]

prayers for the people googling "omega heat" for the first time

[productofaritual]

absolutely DO google omega heat without any prior knowledge please

[audliminal]

Got curious and duck-duck-ed it myself. Very entertaining results. The first four were all explanatory guides to the abo setting. After that, the results very abruptly shifted to being all about the extreme weather situation. 10/10 would search again

[literallyaflame]

i think they should put doctor who in the public domain and let us all start taking cracks at it on youtube

[ruffboi-mags]

So apparently, over the summer, Quibi (the shortest-lasting streaming service ever lmao) did a quarantine project called “Home Movie: The Princess Bride” where a bunch of celebrities recreated The Princess Bride in tiny chunks at home.

And like there was no permanent cast, all these celebrities seem to have gotten a scene or part of a scene to do (i’m not sure exactly, I did not ever watch Quibi and thus haven’t seen this yet), and then they just… recreated it as best they could. At home. Under quarantine.

So like, you had Jennifer Garner in a blanket cape playing Princess Buttercup AND the Booing Old Woman with a crowd comprised entirely of stuffed animals:

Or Taika Waititi paying Westley off a badly-drawn Inigo on a piece of cardboard held in front of someone’s face:

And it’s all just delightful.

But my absolute favorite part of this thing that I’ve sadly never seen but assume is probably absolutely hilarious and a treasure and I want to find it some day and watch the whole thing… is that Carey Elwes is in it.

As Prince Fucking Humperdink.

[movebackintime]

https://youtu.be/lR8pA_WV9QI

Here ya go

[laziestgirlintown]

In case you need a comfort watch and because Youtube search nowadays sucks rancid farts, I remind you of the Princess Bride Home Movie from the lockdown, starring everybody

[hiveswap]

Everyone go look up the song nasa banned from space

[hiveswap]

Don't forget to play it loud as fuck

[kowai-kabuki-tanuki]

please….listen to the whole thing. And imagine that you are IN SPACE in 1973 and you JUST woke up. Every time you adjust…it escalates somehow.

This song had to be designed in a lab for the sole purpose of fucking with astronauts. whoever added it to the NASA playlist was a genius.

[unwelcome-ozian]

[roach-works]

when i was getting trained as a welder the guys started playing sneaky grabass with each other and with me. i almost hit a few people while holding dangerous tools in my hand because they wouldn’t stop grabbing me from behind, then laughing that i ‘almost’ hit them, so i finally had to go to the instructor and say, look, i’ve had years and years of self defense training due the fact i’m a very small weirdo who is in legitimate danger of getting hatecrimed and at some point one of these guys is going to goose me again and im going to bury a wrench in his eye. get them to stop grabbing me, because i don’t want to get kicked out for hitting people.

the next day i ended up punching someone in the face with a doughnut in my fist because she thought i was being a big fucking buzzkill who tattled to teacher about a harmless game, and, guess what, grabbed my butt. i got icing all over her hair. she complained to teacher...who let everyone know that this was why they weren’t supposed to be playing grabass in the fucking shop.

anyway don’t fucking sneak up on twitchy little queers with hypervigilance, it fucking sucks and you’re lucky if you get a doughnut to a face instead of a hammer.

[kyraneko]

given that this was a welding class, I was expecting this to end up so much worse

[beardedmrbean]

[lovelymimic]

[sumrot]

Now I know something you don’t

[northern-punk-lad]

I hate the uk government for making me agree with Elon musk

[a-cheetosandroid]

[spin-the-wheel-polls]

It's a zombie apocalypse and you are stuck in this place!

How are you doing?

great!

okay, I can make this work

Not great, probably can't make this work

A zombie

Dead (non-zombie related)

Results/it depends

Voting ended onJun 29

(zombies work by standard zombie rules, boarded doors and biting)

[berryinnit]

t-shirt with the words “high-functioning corpse” printed on it

[sabertoothwalrus]

I love when someone is explaining instructions to a group I’m in and they look at me and it reminds them to say something about using preferred names/pronouns or that there’s vegan food options available. I go by my given name/pronouns and I’m not vegan but I’m proud that I can provide this service

[batbetbitbotbut]

[slowspinningredemption]

i was in the supermarket and a guy looked at me and calls over to his wife like "honey what are we having for dinner tonight?" and when she told him he nodded and, still staring directly at my shirt, said "i'll get some garlic bread"

my shirt:

[spin-the-wheel-polls]

Stuck in a historical war

You are stuck as a soldier in this historical war

(this is a magical universe where people who wouldn't usually be able to fight would. so you can all suffer.)

How are you doing?

good somehow

I might survive

OW

dead

results/other

Remaining time: 3 days 12 hours

[minart-was-taken]

Many such cases