I'm tired

25 | They/them | I really like manatees

[pillowspace]

Something bad happened here.

[bubblybloob]

Blood was spilled that day, if there were any survivors, none were brave enough to tell the tale.

[transgenderer]

every spelunker should go in with a cyanide tooth capsule so if they get stuck they can take the gentle way out instead of being tortured by the earth for 72 hours and then dying anyway

[transgenderer]

@kropotkindersurprise said:

it should be an explosive device, so they widen that part of the cave at the same time and no other spelunkers will get stuck there

beautiful vision. i love the idea of a minecraft-style world where if you explode underground it just clears a radius

[librarian-raichu]

I mean. That obviously wouldn’t work for many reasons, although I do believe if you required spelunkers to wear a suicide bomb to go caving, it would not be a major deterrent.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

They'd be pissed off that the belt is too bulky and they can't squeeze through teeny tiny crevices that require you to avoid breathing until you're through or your ribs won't fit

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Personally I think we should make all spelunkers wear bulky vests like those people who tie a wooden spoon to a tiny dog's back so it can't slip through the bars of a property fence. Stop 'em from getting in those positions in the first place.

[03josten]

i mean this from the bottom of my heart: no one is impressed by your loud ass car. actually we talked about it and we all want you dead.

[holy-leapin-splits-batman]

cosplay by Violetmasque on tiktok

[aquaticptato]

DIVA ALERT

[jame7t]

wore the green and yellow striped shirt to work on tuesday and a guy i work with is just calling me "undertale" instead of my name now

sorry to hear that undertale

[rathayibacter]

that pistachio completely sealed in its shell is scared and alone, like a miner trapped by rubble. you need to free it by any means necessary. get the gun from your dad's cabinet

[rowlfthedog]

[romanceyourdemons]

sewing affirmations

it’s okay that i don’t have a sewing machine

i love backstitching by hand for hours

this has got to be great for my back

millions of my ancestors did this and they lived almost as long as i want to

i’m making so many beautiful things for my house—oh goddamn it

[phantomrose96]

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

[phantomrose96]

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?

[vetchtibbles]

being the second child is so lame when your older brother has no fortunes to inherit or power to come into. all of my scheming younger brother tendencies are being completely wasted like it’s not even worth putting all my efforts into usurping him and taking his place as heir. it’s not even worth it

[vetchtibbles]

like obviously I’m still going to do it because plotting and scheming are natural responses to being the second child but it’s just not the most lucrative career option anymore

[pussysoupforthesoul-deactivated]

Squidward clocking out of the Krusty Krab and heading to the nearest gay after hours event 

[bpdcassidy-archived-deactivated]

Come on, now, op. We all know squidward doesn’t go to the club.

He’s one of those “I’m not like other gays” gays who goes home to a bottle of wine and his obscure 50s vaudeville records, and then mopes because he can never find a boyfriend.

[calamaricarlo]

I love this website so much

[cinnamonghost]

[ntrider]

giving increasingly loud sighs as I wait for my crush to ask "what's wrong?" so I can say I'm in a state of depression unless I can touch someone's boobs with no bra

[ntrider]

I stop once I start getting short of breath

[aokozaki]

[Your crush, on the phone to someone unseen] Yeah I think she needs to be put down, her breathing-- yeah I know it can be a problem for her breed, but it's getting really bad.

[ntrider]

I'M NOT A DOG??????

[aokozaki]

[clearly less interested now] Oh.

[ntrider]

wait! au au

[aokozaki]

[walking over the distant horizon, towards the West]

[ntrider]

AU AU!!! AU AU!!!!! 😭

[aquaflv]

really recommend getting a partner with a different religion than you and very little knowledge of your religion because the opportunities for explaining things to each other are just exquisite

[aquaflv]

yesterday she told me some story about the Buddha's wife and child and I was like. Wait. He fucked? And she was like yeah of course he fucked, why wouldn't he, he was the most attractive and loveable and and wise and etc. person who ever lived. why would he not fuck.

[aquaflv]

this morning she looked perplexed in the kitchen at me and said "did Jesus not fuck?"

[cntrlaltdelete-what]

[draconym]

Coca Cola flavored Oreos taste like if you could eat clipart

[draconym]

These taste like an abstract concept. Summer Vacation flavored. Yankee Candle ass cookie.

[errant-light]

this just keeps being relevant

[thelawfulchaotic]

This skit absolutely slaps forever but I have to tell you guys the secret.

The weird Oreos don’t sell… but the weird Oreos just being around and visible make people buy more regular Oreos.

That’s why.

[draconym]

The weird Oreos DO sell, but my housemate is the one buying them all

[mothman-etd]

Not sure got to feel when the hobby book says this should only take an hour but it took me 5 hours.

[gallusrostromegalus]

1. Hobby books are often written by the same people who think you can caramelize onions in 5 minutes

2. Hobby books are even more often written by people who don't have or are actively neglecting their partners/full-time jobs/pets/children/household maintenance.

3. Hobby books are often written by people with ADHD, and an hour in ADHD hyperspace is like 2-7 hours for everyone else, including other ADHD people who are not currently in the zone.

4. Hobby books are written by people who, when told by an editor to add in how long it will take, just make shit up

5. If you're doing something for the first time, you're going to take way, way longer to do it than someone who's had years of practice. Maybe it does only take an hour IF YOU'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR TEN YEARS. Think about how long it took you to make idk your first excel spreadsheet vs how long it takes now

To actually answer your question: proud. You should feel proud, because you made something, AND you did so while learning a brand-new skill! Go you!!

May I ask what the Allegedly-One-Hour project was? Both because I like hearing about what my friends are doing and I want to see how wildly inaccurate the listed time scope is.

[serenityquest]