I'm tired

25 | They/them | I really like manatees

[rathayibacter]

that pistachio completely sealed in its shell is scared and alone, like a miner trapped by rubble. you need to free it by any means necessary. get the gun from your dad's cabinet

[rowlfthedog]

[romanceyourdemons]

sewing affirmations

it’s okay that i don’t have a sewing machine

i love backstitching by hand for hours

this has got to be great for my back

millions of my ancestors did this and they lived almost as long as i want to

i’m making so many beautiful things for my house—oh goddamn it

[phantomrose96]

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

[phantomrose96]

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?

[vetchtibbles]

being the second child is so lame when your older brother has no fortunes to inherit or power to come into. all of my scheming younger brother tendencies are being completely wasted like it’s not even worth putting all my efforts into usurping him and taking his place as heir. it’s not even worth it

[vetchtibbles]

like obviously I’m still going to do it because plotting and scheming are natural responses to being the second child but it’s just not the most lucrative career option anymore

[pussysoupforthesoul-deactivated]

Squidward clocking out of the Krusty Krab and heading to the nearest gay after hours event 

[bpdcassidy-archived-deactivated]

Come on, now, op. We all know squidward doesn’t go to the club.

He’s one of those “I’m not like other gays” gays who goes home to a bottle of wine and his obscure 50s vaudeville records, and then mopes because he can never find a boyfriend.

[calamaricarlo]

I love this website so much

[cinnamonghost]

[ntrider]

giving increasingly loud sighs as I wait for my crush to ask "what's wrong?" so I can say I'm in a state of depression unless I can touch someone's boobs with no bra

[ntrider]

I stop once I start getting short of breath

[aokozaki]

[Your crush, on the phone to someone unseen] Yeah I think she needs to be put down, her breathing-- yeah I know it can be a problem for her breed, but it's getting really bad.

[ntrider]

I'M NOT A DOG??????

[aokozaki]

[clearly less interested now] Oh.

[ntrider]

wait! au au

[aokozaki]

[walking over the distant horizon, towards the West]

[ntrider]

AU AU!!! AU AU!!!!! 😭

[aquaflv]

really recommend getting a partner with a different religion than you and very little knowledge of your religion because the opportunities for explaining things to each other are just exquisite

[aquaflv]

yesterday she told me some story about the Buddha's wife and child and I was like. Wait. He fucked? And she was like yeah of course he fucked, why wouldn't he, he was the most attractive and loveable and and wise and etc. person who ever lived. why would he not fuck.

[aquaflv]

this morning she looked perplexed in the kitchen at me and said "did Jesus not fuck?"

[cntrlaltdelete-what]

[draconym]

Coca Cola flavored Oreos taste like if you could eat clipart

[draconym]

These taste like an abstract concept. Summer Vacation flavored. Yankee Candle ass cookie.

[errant-light]

this just keeps being relevant

[thelawfulchaotic]

This skit absolutely slaps forever but I have to tell you guys the secret.

The weird Oreos don’t sell… but the weird Oreos just being around and visible make people buy more regular Oreos.

That’s why.

[draconym]

The weird Oreos DO sell, but my housemate is the one buying them all

[mothman-etd]

Not sure got to feel when the hobby book says this should only take an hour but it took me 5 hours.

[gallusrostromegalus]

1. Hobby books are often written by the same people who think you can caramelize onions in 5 minutes

2. Hobby books are even more often written by people who don't have or are actively neglecting their partners/full-time jobs/pets/children/household maintenance.

3. Hobby books are often written by people with ADHD, and an hour in ADHD hyperspace is like 2-7 hours for everyone else, including other ADHD people who are not currently in the zone.

4. Hobby books are written by people who, when told by an editor to add in how long it will take, just make shit up

5. If you're doing something for the first time, you're going to take way, way longer to do it than someone who's had years of practice. Maybe it does only take an hour IF YOU'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR TEN YEARS. Think about how long it took you to make idk your first excel spreadsheet vs how long it takes now

To actually answer your question: proud. You should feel proud, because you made something, AND you did so while learning a brand-new skill! Go you!!

May I ask what the Allegedly-One-Hour project was? Both because I like hearing about what my friends are doing and I want to see how wildly inaccurate the listed time scope is.

[serenityquest]

[tartaeya]

i think there is a difference between a knowingly flawed character and a thematically uncomfortable character and knowing the difference is half the battle

[tartaeya]

knowingly flawed character: this character has traits that the author deliberately put in to show they have nuance and aren't perfect as a person. this will put them at odds with some readers and endear them to others, depending on them as people, and that's good!

thematically uncomfortable character: oh boy the author has some Beliefs

[robins-gay-suspenders]

[cumaeansibyl]

I’m the girl with the extremely knowing smile in the foreground

[notbecauseofvictories]

SUPER TOP SECRET WORK HACK!!! If you explicitly tell people, "You are an adult and a professional, I trust you to do your job; just keep me in the loop and let me know if there are questions," then thank and/or praise them when they accomplish your mutual goals? they will keep doing things for and with you. Sometimes they will even side with you over other people in the organization, because you've taken the time to establish that baseline respect and trust! hashtag winning or whatever

[sonneillonv]

I just want to say this can work with kids too, mostly because of the 'respect' thing.

This past month, Parks & Rec has been doing a lot of work on the field adjacent to my school. They have trucks with flatbeds, mowing/tree-cutting/postholing machinery, etc. And when they arrived, I (campus monitor) was told I would need to herd the kids away from the trucks/machinery and basically prevent them from creating a dangerous situation.

So when recess came around and the kids stampeded out the door I held them up and I said (being funny but at the same time serious, you know how it is, kids listen better if you're funny)

"Okay, I know that you're all smart AND mature, right? And talented and good looking? Definitely the smartest and most talented class in this school? (I say this to every class, they're all 'my favorites'.) And because you're SO intelligent and mature, I don't need to actually TELL you that these guys have vehicles and machinery that you need to stay clear of, right? Because I know you figured that out already, and I also know that YOU know how sad I would be if any of you were run over, or squashed, or had a pole fall on you. I would be SO SAD, like, I would probably have to lie down on the floor and cry. So you're not going to make me cry, right? I can trust you to stay away from the trucks and machines no matter where they are on the field? Because you're wonderful and amazing? My favorites? My inspiration?"

And they're laughing at me of course, because I'm being so dramatic. Some of them are "Yes, and-"ing my dramatics and inventing more involved mourning processes I should undertake if any of them get run over. Some of them are yelling at me that they are NOT mature yet and they are VERY STUPID and I should know this.

It's been three weeks. We had one conversation about it. None of them have gone anywhere near the trucks. This is actually in excess of the typical elementary-schooler's working memory and I'm very proud of them. I haven't had to blow the whistle at ONE person for getting too close even when the trucks were literally 40 feet from the actual playground.

"I know I can trust you to do this", even when phrased with humor, is like a magic key that unlocks teamwork+cooperation.

[onbearfeet]

I usually phrased it to middle-schoolers as, "I was a weird artist before I was a teacher, so I don't understand how children work, really. So I am going to treat you guys like adults unless and until you give me a reason not to." It's amazing how far they'll go to keep that adult status.

[butch-king-frankenstein]

I think those fancomics where Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes is transgender are cute and fun but I also think it's a deep misunderstanding of Calvin's character to think he would transition into a heterosexual normie who goes to her high school reunion. That girl would have neopronouns and fang implants

[butch-king-frankenstein]

Adult Calvin is a tattoo artist named Panthera who is the bassist in a terrible metal band called Captain Napalm and Hobbes helps do faer E injections

[butch-king-frankenstein]

I know it's like 2 weeks too late to change it but I'm so mad I didn't realize that the band would obviously be called "Get Rid Of Slimy GirlS". I walk the road of shame

[parawyrm]

[sword-wielding-sapphic]

first rule of fandom is everything goes back to destiel

second rule of fandom is everything goes back to kirk/spock

third rule of fandom is everything goes back to holmes & watson

fourth rule of fandom is everything goes back to achilles & patroclus

[sword-wielding-sapphic]

the funny thing is. I originally typed out "fifth rule of fandom is everything goes back to gilgamesh & enkidu" but then I thought 'no, I can't trust that people will be familiar with the epic of gilgamesh'

I should have known. nerd ass website.