MALE DR . STONE ANGST POEMS PT . 1
—“When things just don't work out...”
TW: DEATH, SMOKING, RELIGIOUS TALK.
The smell of nicotine wanders,
Within the littered battlefield, I remained concealed.
My dry lips, purple and aching from my cigars
I wonder if you would look at me the same, even with all my scars.
Sometimes I think back to when we weren’t in opposition.
The days when you didn’t have to face my ammunition.
As I stare into the scope of my sniper,
Tell me why you look like sweet cider?
Don’t look at me that way.
You and your innocent, pure gaze.
Even for a soldier as composed as I am,
I trembled, like a vulnerable lamb.
I took a deep breath, setting my finger,
Holding myself steady, as I repeat to myself—I am not a sinner.
And so, I finally pulled the trigger.
Because my loyalty will forever lie,
With the white-haired man, capable of making transmitters.
The abnormality of my carmines,
Contrary to the normality of yours,
Yet your gaze still intertwines with mine,
How I wish I could reciprocate,
The mutual feeling of being embraced.
But my acts of affection will only disintegrate,
as I am incapable of even planning dinner dates.
A conventional man is far from who I am.
Hence, I need you to understand,
My feelings, which I don’t have the time to express,
Will simply just cause you distress.
Someone like you, capable of lust
Is incompatible with me, who is unable to adjust.
Even with my immense knowledge in everything related to sciences,
My mind cannot grasp the concept of romantics.
I’ve told you all of this before, yet you still continue to chase me, as if it wasn’t making you sore.
Praying to higher beings was never my thing.
I considered myself an atheist, never bothering to care if I was gracious.
But perhaps these emotions of mine were a cruel, twisted game by fate,
Designed by the angels up, near the pearly gates.
I must be out of my mind; it was as if I had been baptized.
Love has rendered me illogical. Reducing me to less than analogical.
Loving you has been my greatest difficulty.
A challenge that I can’t resolve scientifically.
Victim of exploitation, I only wish to avoid confrontation
I beg of you for your mercy, despite all this controversy
I pushed you away, as if you were easy gameplay
I needed to flee, I needed an escape
Therefore, don’t search for me, don't look at the cityscape
You were too much for my nervous heart
We needed to be ripped apart
You were an equation I couldn't solve.
A problem in my life, which I wish for it to remain unresolved.
Hence, I am not the genius you claim I am to be
I merely belonged to the bourgeoisie
I couldn't give you what you wanted
Yet you still stayed by my side,
even when I wasn't the most dignified.
I am grateful to you in some way
I even considered being your fiancé
But at last, you knew what kind of man I was going to be.
A man who was never yours truly.
I struggle to navigate the dark blues,
As I was too preoccupied, reminiscing about your soft tunes.
In my haste, I had underestimated the waves.
With a humourless chuckle, I accept my fate.
As my vessel crashes, the air in my lungs passes.
The cold water caresses my whole body, as the state of my mind turns foggy.
My memory of you begins to fade,
Under the surface, I watch the moonglades.
I close my eyes, knowing my greed had always exceeded beyond the atmosphere.
I apologize, it seems karma has struck me this time, my dear.
Even if I had always wanted everything, in a positive way.
The sea had other plans—plans for my decay.
For now, my body will dance across the seabed,
Hoping to one day return to the shore—with no more regrets.
Because even as the heir to the Nanami conglomerate,
I couldn’t keep my promises.
To return safe and sound by your side,
I will remain by your side, even if I’m beneath the tides.
Because I will be forever loyal to you, yours truly,
gummygunk
kianamaiart
