none of us are saints, you can stop pretending.

a place to keep all alternate universes relating to original character aarav roy.

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

rohan allows himself to get lost in the kiss, he lets it define him and for a shining moment he can pretend aarav roy LOVES him. for a moment he can pretend this is their normal life. maybe aarav has come home from the studio and under the pretense of getting water from the kitchen, rohan now has him cornered as he kisses the life out of his boyfriend. the word sounds nice on his tongue and yet rohan knows he can be a million things but aarav will never agree to being rohan’s boyfriend.

agitated at the lack of action, rohan pulls aarav back to him; this time he cups aarav’s face between his hands so the other man won’t be able to pull away even if he tried. instead he feels aarav’s hands claw at him, and so briefly lets go to guide the other boy’s hands to the button of his cargo shorts. he wants to FORGET. and this is the perfect way of doing it.

“ don’t think you’re hurting my feelings. there’s none left for you to hurt anymore. ” 

Aarav wanted to pull away once more, the moment he heard Rohan’s words. He didn’t want to be with this man. He wanted to be with his Rohan. That man was tender, loving and full of feelings. If there were no feelings left--he wasn’t Rohan. Still, the temptation was growing too strong and so he continued hastily unbuttoning Rohan’s shorts before stripping out of his own damp hoodie (actually Rohan’s hoodie). 

He kisses him back, this time more rushed than before as he hops off the counter and begins leading Rohan with him, this time only to the couch, aware that if they were in the bedroom--things would become MORE intense and maybe Rohan was becoming feelingless now, but Aarav--Aarav couldn’t pretend about it anymore. 

Maybe it wasn’t easy for him to admit to anything, especially to Rohan, but now--he was beginning to think that since the other man had moved on, was now sleeping around with anyone his heart desired--perhaps the novelty Aarav presented--wasn’t good enough.

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

rohan looks at aarav, eyebrows raised when he pulls away from the kiss; he’s unable to believe the MOONY look the other man is giving him. for a moment rohan is convinced that aarav is in love with him too, but he pushes that thought away. he is doing just fine without setting himself up for even MORE heartbreak … “ aise kyun dekh raha hai ? pyar ho gaya kya mujhse ? ”

he scoffs then, not even giving aarav a chance to reply before capturing his lips in another kiss. in fact, he waits for aarav to open his mouth perhaps in defense of himself before stealing the words with his kiss. he doesn’t want any more disappointment. at this point, he just wants to FORGET. and aarav’s body against his, his hands clawing at rohan’s chest are doing a good job of that. there are times where he hates being so large and bulky - this is not one of those times.

it makes him big and strong enough to lift aarav up and place him on the kitchen countertop, meaty hands now on either side of aarav as he pulls on the other man’s bottom lip, wanting to coax a moan out from him. let the ladies of the compound believe that the boys in 12C are in big, gay love with one another. rohan no longer has anything left to lose.

Aarav doens’t hate Rohan anymore. Instead, he hates himself. It’s obvious what his heart feels and yet he’s still SO scared to admit it to himself and to Rohan. At the other man’s callous words, he wants to push him away, wants to run out of this place, except he can’t when he feels Rohan’s lips on his again. 

He wishes he was stronger than this and yet his body ACHES for more of Rohan and so greedily he begins grabbing every piece of him that he possibly can. Aarav can feel Rohan’s arms around him now as he ends up plopped on the kitchen counter he’d been leaning against. His legs part as he draws Rohan in even more, needing to feel the other man as closely as possible right now.

Aarav groans and moans when he feels the way Rohan’s tugging on his bottom lip, possibly even drawing blood until he pushes at him slightly, his legs still around his waist keeping him there in close proximity. Aarav doesn’t want to fall into bed again with this man, not when he had no idea what it meant--he’s hurt Rohan enough as it is, but now if the other man is so sure on his moving on tactics--perhaps, it wouldn’t be so bad?

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

“ one more and i’ll believe you. ” it had been a cheap shot, to bring up their past. every time something would go wrong in the roy family home and aarav would sneak into rohan’s room through the fire escape (or sometimes the pipe). rohan would ask him if he was alright and aarav would respond with a i’m fine, i’m fine, really i’m fine. rohan had always been able to see through aarav’s lies back then.

this time was no different either. he knows its to do with him, although there’s a part of him telling rohan to stop being so CONCEITED. aarav had already broken his heart once before, he didn’t want to be put in that position once more, especially since his heart was still broken. so instead, he decides to play some more with aarav. it’s obvious the man wants him, and if rohan is being honest - he wants aarav too. he’s been trying so hard to believe so otherwise, but seeing him here only reaffirms this belief.

so rohan takes a step closer, then another, and then a third until he’s pressed aarav against the kitchen counter, their bodies so close he knows the edge of the countertop must be digging into aarav’s spine. at this angle, rohan can feel aarav’s shaky breaths and he wants nothing more than to kiss it away. and so that’s exactly what he does: he kisses aarav. 

Aarav struggles to hide the very obvious wince he feels at Rohan’s words. It’s from their past. The past that brought them together. He knows why Rohan’s mentioning it, because he can see through Aarav’s lies and yet, Aarav doesn’t know what the truth is, not yet and it scares him. Still he doesn’t say a word, just shaking his head at the taller man, unable to believe that’s what he’d chosen to retort with.

He’s about to begin walking away, get out of the kitchen and out of his old home, becoming more and more aware of what a bad idea this was when he watches Rohan come closer. Aarav can’t take a step back the way Rohan did the last time they’d both been in this very kitchen together when Aarav had tried to come near him. And so he just changes there, surprised that Rohan’s this close.

Aarav feels the hard counter digging into the small of his back as he leans back slightly, but Rohan’s just soclose that it makes it hard for him to even think straight. His one hand is on Rohan’s bare chest now, not holding him back, but just needing to touch him. Except that the moment he feels Rohan’s lips on his own, Aarav’s hands are tugging to draw Rohan’s body closer to his own.

It’s a mistake, and Aarav will realize that again, only too late and he’ll be breaking his own heart thanks to his confusion once more. 

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

rohan only raises his eyebrow at aarav, at the obvious FLUSH he can see in his friend, in his crush’s cheeks and there is a part of him that wants to ask, but the other part of him wins. the part telling him to continue to fluster aarav like this. it’s more fun anyways and so he does. he raises his arms above his head, stretching just enough to reveal the strip of his boxers declaring to the world what brand of underwear he prefers.

he looks back at aarav then, feigning ignorance even though his gaze has fallen to aarav’s bottoms and already he can see the familiar tightness. it’s nice knowing he can still affect aarav this way. more than anything, it’s nice to know while aarav’s lips may lie, his body will NEVER be able to lie to rohan. “ is something bothering you aarav ? ” he lowers his voice on purpose, dropping it a couple of octaves, deep enough to know its the voice that really puts aarav on edge.

“ oh ? yes, he’s nobody. nothing serious - just some FUN you know ? ”

Aarav decides in that moment that he HATES Rohan Chopra. The man was cruel and pretty infuriating to be honest. He knew just how much Aarav hated when he did these things, stretching to show off a) his muscles, and b) that strip of his boxers that Aarav had seen enough times both on and off Rohan when the man was doing laundry.

Except right now, he’s very annoyed and bothered and so when Rohan asks that EXACT question, he just nods, still unaware of what to say. A cough escapes him then, and doesn’t stop until he’s in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of water.

He doesn’t know what he really expected--maybe he thought the house would be a mess without him, maybe he thought Rohan would be a mess without him the way Aarav was right now. But it was clear as day--Rohan had easily moved on and Aarav was feeling incredibly unwelcome here. He turns when he feels this strange heat behind him--almost as if he knows Rohan is watching him. “That’s great--glad you’re having fun. Really, really glad.” 

Aarav has NEVER been a good liar--he wasn’t about to become one now either.

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

rohan catches the fabric between his fingers when it is tossed to him and is about to put it on before he studies aarav carefully. it’s obvious the partial nudity is making aarav uncomfortable and that enough is reason for rohan to NOT put on the shirt. “ the AC is broken. ” he tosses the shirt back on the couch before sitting down on it himself. he makes sure to kick his feet up on the table, spreading his legs apart slightly as he nods at aarav.

it pains his heart to see the other boy look so out of place somewhere he once called home, three short weeks ago. it’s almost enough guilt for rohan to extend an offer to live here again; except he doesn’t. he won’t do it till aarav admits why he’s really here. “ i’ve been good. what about you ? heard you finally found a place. ”

has rohan mentioned he totally SUCKS at this whole nonchalance business ?

Aarav is annoyed when Rohan refuses to put the shirt on, especially because the sight of this man, his friend, and someone he’s kissed ALL OVER this same naked chest--is driving him mad. He can feel his sweatpants getting tight and Aarav hates it, because this is not what he wants right now, not when he KNOWS that Rohan is getting his needs fulfilled elsewhere.

Not to mention the way he’s sitting right now which is almost inviting but it’s making him furious considering how--much it makes him want to maybe take a seat on his lap or something. It was stupid. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t feel like this. 

“It’s not--it’s at a hostel in Fort, lekin door hai studio se..” he shakes his head, giving a casual shrug while he leans to the wall, watching Rohan trying to spot all the changes in the last three weeks that Aarav hadn’t been witness to. “So--how’s playing the field? Rai mentioned seeing you at the hotel--kisi ke saath.”

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

rohan buries the urge in his chest, the one telling him to check on aarav. the fact that he’s fiddling with his wrist makes rohan worry; did pushing rohan out of the way cause that injury ? NO, his conscience screeches. you are better than this rohan, don’t fall back into the trap. and he doesn’t intend to; well that is until he looks into aarav’s eyes.

just like that, he’s FLAT once again. weeks of cautiously telling himself he is over aarav roy are now down the drain. he just has to flush them, and he knows he will. especially since he’s here, he’s so close to rohan - close enough to kiss, to touch, to hold.

he swallows then, trying to look anywhere BUT aarav roy. he doesn’t want to look at aarav because he knows he will do something stupid. something like press the other man against a wall and kiss him senseless, losing their clothes in a short span of time until he has aarav’s back to him, while the other man feels every part of him.

“ what do you want to talk about ? ” he can do this; he can get through a conversation without making his feelings obvious. can’t he ?

But Aarav has nothing to say now. Seeing Rohan standing there, without a shirt, it’s just really hard for him to not look at the man and talk. He wanted to tell Rohan that maybe he doesn’t know how to say what Rohan wants to hear, but he will tell him that he wants to be back here. He doesn’t want to live in that hostel while thinking about the new conquests that Rohan brings back every night.

“Your shirt,” Aarav tosses the shirt from the couch at Rohan, before the strangest, eerie feeling makes him realize that he’s wearing the other man’s hoodie right now. It’s oversize on Aarav despite his bulging muscles but it’s still so comfortable and it smells like Rohan’s cologne too, the reason Aarav probably packed it with him when he left.

“Um--how are you?’

Aarav Roy is the WORST at pretending he has nothing important to talk about. But the truth is--right now, he doesn’t want to talk. He wants to kiss Rohan, he wants to feel wanted the way Rohan makes him feel every time he feels Rohan’s hands on him.

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

rohan only raises an eyebrow at aarav’s request. he wants nothing more than to shoot him down; he wants aarav to feel the same pain rohan has been feeling for the past three weeks. he is SURE that aarav does not sense an ounce of pain at the thought of leaving rohan, not the way rohan does

aarav was rohan’s entire life, and now to adjust to a life without him is killing him. he shrugs, leaning against the doorframe so aarav will have to push him if he wants to get in. and if aarav DOES push rohan back inside his apartment, well then rohan cannot be held liable for what he would do next. and you just know what rohan will do is kiss aarav, taking it further once more. now that aarav has slept with him sober, at least rohan knows he’s not DISGUSTED by that idea. he’s just disgusted by the idea of having feelings for a man.

“ depends. why do you want to come in ? ”

Aarav is almost sure that Rohan is going to refuse. He’s going to tell him clearly that this is now Rohan’s home and Aarav has absolutely NO business being inside. And it actually scares him. He hasn’t felt this scared in more than five years, since he last remembered being back in Delhi. Rohan was supposed to be the one who took him away from that fear, and instead--he was the one making Aarav doubt EVERYTHING.

He watches as Rohan ends up leaning in the doorway, making it virtually impossible for Aarav to attempt to slide past him. “I didn’t know you were so possessive about your place.” Oh, how it KILLS him to say those words when he wants to call it their place. But he can’t. Not anymore.

And while he’s about to just turn on his heel and walk away again, giving up on what he wanted--he doesn’t. He choose to push Rohan inside, turning around to shut the door behind him. “God you’ve gotten stronger,” he twists his wrist a few times before shrugging. “I just want to--talk. Unless, tu kisi aur ke saath hai?”

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

rohan should have known raina bakshi would not keep her stupid mouth SHUT. she liked to talk, and more than talk she liked to gossip. perhaps THAT was why he’d gone to her hotel specifically. if rohan had wanted privacy, he could have gone to the shangri-la, rohit mamu would have made sure rohan had the utmost privacy. maybe he’d gone to raina’s hotel because he knew the news would eventually get back to aarav.

that was what he wanted; he wanted to see aarav. everything was same in this house he used to share with his best friend, but there was something MISSING. aarav was missing. he didn’t know how he could live without him, how he’d thought getting his friend evicted in the first place had been a good idea. it was why rohan spent most of his time outside the house, at least then he wouldn’t feel the bone crushing sadness which threatened him every waking moment he spent in those four walls.

even now, he sits by the glass doors leading to the balcony, watching the rain splatter against the surface. he raises a hand, pointing his finger to a droplet as he traces its path down until it disappears, making way for more water - more TEARS as rohan liked to refer to them. so when he hears the knocking on the door, his eyebrows furrow. he’s not expecting anybody; all his gentleman callers know the rules.

the house is offlimits; if they are to meet, rohan sets the time and it is ALWAYS at a hotel. he glances at the shirt on the couch, wondering if he should tug it on but decides against it. it’s probably the super, and the lady has seen him shirtless plenty of times - in fact, he’s pretty sure she’s the one making it public knowledge that the boys in 12C were in big, gay love for one another.

so when the door swings open, it is the last person he’s expecting to see and yet the only person he WANTS to see. his hand clutches at the doorknob,  the colour leaving his face. 

“ aarav ? ”

Aarav feels his lips going dry, along with his throat when he sees Rohan open the door, shirtless. Why is the man hellbent on torturing him this way? Aarav knows he’s lost his chance, especially after he heard all this new relationship stuff from Raina--but seeing the man looking like this again, saying his name in that way--it’s enough to make Aarav feel entirely--FORGOTTEN.

He saw the way Rohan went pale, and knew it was because he hadn’t wanted to see Aarav again. If he did, he’d have called--he’d have said something. but instead--the man was pretty clearly telling him to leave.

“Hey,” he cleared his throat before holding up a hand. “Are you--busy? Ya main andar aa sakhta hoon?” Aarav has no idea what he plans to do if Rohan lets him in, but if he doesn’t--he knows he’ll push the man and get inside by hook or by crook.

[aaravroys]

It had been three weeks since he’d moved out of the place he’d called his home. And every single day since then was KILLING him. Aarav missed Rohan, he missed everything about that man and yet there was nothing he could do. He’d stare at Rohan’s name in his phone, but he wouldn’t call. He knew Rohan wanted nothing to do with him. So he sat there in his hostel room, and continued staring at the television in his room.

He should’ve gone to a hotel, he should’ve gone to Samar’s place but he didn’t want anyone finding out what was happening with him and Rohan and so he stayed here. Raina was the only one who knew and that was because she’d run into him and almost demanded for him to come to his place, but he didn’t agree.

And then when Raina told him the WORST news, Aarav felt his stomach completely SINK to the ground. Rohan was dating someone new. It wasn’t Shivansh, but someone new and the only way Raina had found out is because they’d come to her hotel for dinner one night; and judging by their closeness--Raina knew it wasn’t just friendship.

But now Aarav found himself in a rickshaw, rattling off his old address, stepping out as soon as he found himself staring at the tall building. He was drenched now thanks to the rain that had started while he’d waited outside the building, working up the courage to go back up to see his friend, the man he had a lot of questions for.

By the time Aarav was in front of the door he used to have keys for--he rang the doorbell, noticing that there was a tiny pool of water by his feet thanks to his dripping clothes. The wait now was excruciating because a part of him was terrified that Rohan wouldn’t even open the door. Or if he did--he’d have some other man’s arms wrapped around his bare waist, both of them caught in the midst of whatever they were doing.

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

the scoff that escapes rohan is completely UNINHIBITED. aarav must think him mad if he expects rohan to believe aarav hadn’t been pretending. “ if you aren’t pretending, then i’m STRAIGHT, ” he barks, looking away from the man he calls a best friend, looking away from the man who he is sure is the love of his life; the man he can safely say is the one for rohan. it’s not like rohan didn’t struggle with his feelings but he had been a teenager when he’d come to terms with his sexuality; he’d turned twenty one when he’d accepted he would always be in love with aarav roy.

he is twenty seven, and he is yet to come to terms with the fact his best friend will NEVER love him back. it crushes his chest, constricts his throat and makes it damn near impossible for him to breathe around aarav roy. maybe ths is for the best; maybe rohan needs to learn who he is without aarav roy. maybe he’s fooled himself into believing that aarav roy is the man for him when it’s terribly obvious the other man doesn’t want anything to do with rohan. 

“ stay at the shangri la. rohit mamu will give you a discount. ” and yet, despite this epiphany, rohan cannot stop caring for aarav. he’s not sure he’ll ever stop caring about the other man.

Aarav feels a strange chill go through him, a sinking feeling in his stomach evident. And it’s telling him the worst thing Aarav can actually think about. The friendship he has with Rohan, the bond they both share, the reason Aarav is able to be as strong as he is--it’s all about to fade from his life. He knows that Rohan is straight, how can he not be--but if Aarav actually admitted to pretending--he doesn’t know what that would MEAN for him.

He already believed that there was something wrong with him, that’s why his parents and his siblings DESPISED him, and if he actually acknowledged what this was with Rohan---it would just be the last thing that would make Aarav feel like he really was completed messed up. He really envied Rohan so much, for being able to be so comfortable with his sexuality when Aarav here was just completed twisted in his mind.

Aarav hears Rohan’s words through the door to his bedroom and sighs, closing his eyes and hitting his head against the door, wishing Rohan wasn’t this caring, wasn’t this considerate. Because truly he just wanted to open the door, hug the man he called his best friend and the man he cared about so much.

“Don’t--don’t worry about me, I’ll find a place, but thanks..”

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

rohan is not proud of what he says next; it’s something he’ll come to regret in the weeks, months and maybe even years to come. he’s seen the look that flits across aarav’s features. it’s HURT. it’s a type of hurt, rohan has never seen before in his life and he likes to believe he’s seen all of aarav’s expression of pain. this one is now ingrained in his memory, along with the time rohan had opened the door to see a drenched aarav, bloody lip and black eyed - standing outside his door, holding his shoulder and asking in a quiet voice if he could stay the night ?

“ you should leave your stuff here. i’ll send the movers over with it when you find a place. ” it’s almost as if rohan’s lost all control of his voicebox and it is saying whatever it feels like; without any regard for the person listening. it’s only when he watches aarav’s figure get smaller as he walks the hall towards his bedroom - a place he’s LEAVING all thanks to rohan’s stupidity. all thanks to rohan’s selfishness.

“ did I avoid you ? because i was under the influence that you were the one who pretended you were straight and only got gay when you were drunk. but even THEN you’d avoid me, pretend that it had never happened. ” this time rohan spits the words, before turning away from aarav himself. he knows the words are correct, but they hurt so much to SAY.

and aarav is right. he’s not the type to sleep around. he’s not even sleeping with shivansh, not when he’s given up every part of him to aarav - to a boy who wants NOTHING to do with him.

Aarav manages a proper smile to face Rohan when he turns around and nods. “You’re right. That’s so smart.” He murmured when he nodded, looking around the apartment he’d made a home with this man. He knows that Rohan is serious thanks to the way he’s speaking and the way he’s almost trying not to look at him.But Aarav doesn’t draw any attention to it, especially when he knows it’s only going to create problems between the two of them.

Still he hears Rohan’s words and ends up gritting his teeth. “I wasn’t pretending anything.” He murmured before realizing the man was right. Aarav did sleep with Rohan on those drunken nights and avoid Rohan until the other man managed to say or do something that would ease whatever the tension they’d build between them.

“I’ll get packed up tonight. Kisi hotel mein reh loonga aaj ki raat,” he murmured before shaking his head and disappearing inside his room. This was his BEST FRIEND. The man who knew everything about him and yet Aarav was truly on the verge of losing him and it was all because he was so afraid to come to terms with his reality. 

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

it kills him but when aarav takes a step closer to him, rohan only steps back. he wants to keep the distance between them, especially when he KNOWS any closer and he’ll do something stupid: like kiss aarav. considering what happened the last time rohan had kissed him, he’s not sure he wants a repeat. his self-respect had taken a real beating that night and he doesn’t want to go through that ever again.

he pinches the bridge of his nose, knowing what he’s about to say next will hurt him more than it would hurt aarav. “ maybe you should move out. i mean it’s not like i can sleep with YOU right ? ” the words feel heavy on his tongue, they sting; they burn like he’s drank an entire bottle of poison. even as he says them, rohan’s gaze flickers down to aarav’s lips and wonders it would be like to kiss him again. 

he wants to kiss aarav again. he wants to tug on the other man’s plump bottom lip, coaxing a moan. he wants to wrap his arm around aarav’s waist, letting his hand trail down to his backside, giving a firm squeeze. he wants to BE with aarav; except he’s let go of that dream a long time ago. there’s no purpose in visiting it now. especially when it will only bring with it - HEARTACHE.

Aarav isn’t able to hide the pain in his eyes when he catches Rohan moving back. It only makes Aarav retreat once more and lean back against the counter, knowing that Rohan really did want to end everything with him--not just the stangeness, but even their friendship. 

But it’s when he hears Rohan’s words that he only ends up nodding and clearing his throat. “Right well, I’ll start looking for a place tonight.” Aarav did not want to move out, he really did not want to leave this place that had become his little sanctuary but now that the words were out--and Rohan agreed--he had to say do it.

Except when he spoke about not being able to sleep with Aarav, he knew once more that that was why this whole thing was happening. “Well you did--but evidently it was so bad that you had to avoid me for WEEKS after.” He shrugged before he ends up moving towards the hallway, wanting to hide away in his bedroom again especially since he’d terrified of what it’ll be like to be without Rohan in his life.

“Um--waise, you’re the type to--be in a relationship but if sleeping around is what you want to do, good luck with it.”

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

if only aarav had uttered these words WEEKS ago, rohan would have dropped shivansh like a bad tumour, or a stomach ache, maybe even food poisoning. the truth is, rohan doesn’t actually like shivansh. he’s not sure he can like anybody, not when he’s given up his heart to this IDIOT standing in front of him. an idiot who very clearly is jealous and yet his stupid male ego won’t let him admit those feelings.

rohan is tired of these feelngs; he’s tired of the cat and mouse aarav enjoys playing with his heart. he wants nothing more than to shake some sense into him, maybe kiss him into coercion. then again, rohan has never been that kind of person; he’s not sure he’ll ever be. it’s why despite YEARS of loving aarav roy, rohan has not had even an ounce of courage to express these feelings to aarav. 

the only reason he assumes aarav knows is because rohan is terribly obtuse with his feelings; whatever he feels, everyone else can see. he’s always been awful at poker for the same reason. instead, he only smiles at aarav. “ maybe i don’t want to be with shivansh. maybe i’m just PLAYING the field. you know, how you do … ” the words are harsh; they have been crafted with the sole intention to hurt aarav, to pierce through whatever he calls the thing beating in his chest.

Aarav closes his eyes when he sees that smile on Rohan’s face. He really doesn’t think his friend even remotely understands how that smile makes him feel like all the pain in his life could easily evaporate. It wasn’t easy for him to feel that way given his past--but with Rohan, it all felt easy. Still he hears those words from Rohan and finds his interest piquing slightly. 

Until the last moment and he once again realizes what Rohan thinks of him. Maybe he really is some manwhore who sleeps around with everyone with legs. “You never really seemed the type to play the field.” But that’s all Aarav says because maybe he NEVER really knew his friend as well as he once believed he did. 

And it hurts. It hurts to know that Rohan thinks Aarav is nothing but a guy who sleeps around with no regard for anyone else’s feelings. But the truth is--whenever Aarav sleeps around with anyone, they both are aware of what the relationship actually means--nothing.

“So--who’s next on your list? Should I move out so you can make this properly your bachelor pad?” Aarav moves towards Rohan now, wanting to see if that would make the other man feel anything the way Aarav’s been feeling--it’s a struggle and it kills him inside because he doesn’t know what to feel anymore.

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

rohan didn’t know what had possessed him to think aarav roy expressing anger over his sex life was EVIDENCE of the love the other man had for him. it was incredibly obvious no matter what rohan did, aarav would never admit his feelings. “ tu itna J kyun ho raha hai ? ” the words are callous, they are rough and they sound completely wrong coming from rohan’s mouth. this is not who he is; rohan chopra is kind, he is soft ( at times too soft ) and he most certainly is not somebody who bulldozes over other people’s feelings without a care in the world.

then again, there was only so much rohan chopra could take. he’d tried to handle years and YEARS of internalizing his homosexuality; he’d buried his feelings for aarav roy so deep, they’d almost disappeared. and then aarav had kissed him and for a moment, rohan didn’t feel as disgusting as he’d believed his entire life. he’d never been more wrong. the next morning aarav woke up with no recollection of the night before, or even if he did - he refused to acknowledge it.

and that had managed to make rohan feel more dirty than years of homophobia had. to know his best friend didn’t even want to acknowledge the fact he might have been like rohan - as if it were something disgusting, something to be ashamed of. so SUE HIM if he’s tired of tiptoeing around aarav roy’s feelings. he’s exhausted of putting aarav first, when its blatantly obvious aarav is unwilling to do the same.

“ what’s it to you anyways ? i never say anything when i see you publicly dry humping tanya. or when you spent weeks at her place without as much as a TEXT ? ”

Aarav didn’t grace him with an answer. He couldn’t tell the other man why he was jealous--not when he didn’t completely understand it himself either. But watching Shivansh lean in to kiss him, the way Shiv’s hand had slid down to Rohan’s ass--it wasn’t what he wanted to see. He turned away from Rohan then, choosing to avert his attention to the dinner he’d laid out for himself--but his appetite was GONE.

“We’re on a break--I haven’t seen her in awhile, and I don’t really even want to..” Aarav tells Rohan all this as if it’ll somehow magically make things better. It won’t. Not when that’s not what Rohan wants or needs to hear.

Aarav knows the words he needs--but he also knows how hard it is for him to even try to wrap his head around it. And so he doesn’t say anything, silently puts his food back into the containers it came in and deposits it into the fridge before turning around, his back against the counter top while he stares at Rohan--almost beginning to feel as if he doesn’t know who the man is anymore.

“You should--I know I stopped you before, but if that’s who you want to be with..” Aarav left the words on his tongue, not able to finish that sentence when he knew it would only cause him more pain.

Rohan had moved on, and that fact was becoming more and more painfully obvious to Aarav. Rohan may have thought he cleaned up well, but Aarav could spot the marks Shiv had left against Rohan’s skin, the way his lips were swollen from their kiss just moments ago and knew that if Shiv was who he wanted--Aarav couldn’t stand in the way anymore--especially not when he had no idea what he could say to make it better.

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

there were days when rohan chopra could forget he was in love with his best friend and roommate: aarav roy. TODAY was one of those days; they didn’t come around often, nor did they last very long. although as of late - they seemed to be increasing in frequency and rohan knew it was because of the company he had started to keep. not only that, but he always made sure to avoid any sort of INTERACTION with the boy in question.

apparently, avoiding the love of your life made it easier for you to stop thinking about him. if only somebody had told him this earlier. rohan would have avoided all the years of PINING he’d gone through. in fact, he hadn’t seen aarav roy since the day they’d had sex; the first time they’d indulged in the act and aarav was stone cold sober. he didn’t know what he’d been expecting. maybe it was because he’d been excusing aarav’s behaviour under the pretence the other man was drunk but when they were both sober and aarav still said NOTHING - that’s when rohan knew.

he had to stop building bridges when all they did was crumble. glancing down at his watch, rohan assumed aarav wouldn’t be home. especially since he spent this time of night at tanya’s house, or at the studio. he’d been about to invite shivansh in when he caught sight of the very man he’d been trying to AVOID. a grimace. “ actually … change of plans - i’ll see you tomorrow. ”

his hand remained on the door, every intent to shut it when shivansh leaned in a stole a kiss from rohan, while rohan stood there reciprocating. eventually he DID shut the door. he had to greet his fears some time right ?

“ i didn’t think you’d be home. ”

Aarav was over begging for Rohan to stay now. It was clear the other man had moved on and whatever happened that morning--had been some stupid way for them to end whatever it was that had been between them. It killed him more though, because Rohan was the one person who really knew Aarav, his traumatic childhood and everything included. And now he was the one person who was avoiding him as if Aarav had some contagious disease or something.

Still, he watched, fists at his side while Shivansh leaned in to kiss Rohan, full on the mouth. And no, it wasn’t just a little peck. This was a full out kiss, one that Aarav did not need to be watching the way he was. 

“Clearly you didn’t,” Aarav gave the man a tight smile before gesturing to the now closed door. “You should--catch him. Maybe stay at his place again like you’ve been doing pretty much every single night.” Aarav saw his used gym bag at the side and picked it up, even though he was meant to do laundry tonight. “Or maybe I’ll just leave. Get out of your way and then you can go call him back.”

He hadn’t wanted to fight, he really hadn’t but the image of the two of them kissing was seared into his mind, making him blind with his unfounded rage. It was unfounded--because Aarav didn’t have feelings for Rohan. At least--that’s what he kept trying to convince himself of.

[aaravroys]

Aarav hated being in this apartment now. He felt like he was pretty much living alone because when Rohan came and left--he didn’t have a clue. He knew it was his fault that the other man was somehow actively avoiding him but it still made him ache. He’d managed to tell Tanya that he needed a break, but even that hadn’t gone over too well.

Still--his thoughts were occupied by the tall grizzly of a man that he shared this home with, wondering where he was and who he was with? It wasn’t even shaadi wala season or something that he’d be this busy with work. 

Aarav had just finished making his dinner for one, which involved ordering takeout from the nearest ShivSagar before he heard the key in the door and found his heart-rate accelerating. Was he home? Was he alone?

[aaravroys]

rohanchopras:

rohan doesn’t want to say anything. he wants to do what aarav has done so long in the past. he wants to turn around and pretend to be asleep. he doesn’t want aarav to catch onto the changes in him; he doesn’t want for aarav to draw attention to how different the sex was this time. except aarav roy has never been good at doing what he’s TOLD even if in this case, it is telepathic. rohan only shrugs before turning away from aarav.

he doesn’t owe aarav anything, not an answer - nothing. after all, rohan means NOTHING to aarav. the other man has made it incredibly clear over the past year. he’s only sorry it took him SO LONG to get it. if only he hadn’t been so persistent, if he’d only understood before. rohan never would have pushed aarav the way he has.

Aarav is almost thankful for Rohan turning away from him, just so the other man won’t catch the H U R T that Aarav was sure was reflecting in his gaze. He’s never felt Rohan turn away from him before, that was always Aarav’s thing, mainly because he was drunk, but also because he was ashamed as to what he’d allowed himself to do. But this time—neither of them are drunk and Rohan’s probably turned around because he’s cheating on Shivansh. The exact SAME way that Aarav had cheated on Tanya. But somehow—the guilt doesn’t tug him in this time. 

He doesn’t care, he’s more annoyed with the fact that Rohan’s not looking at him, that Rohan’s not holding him, that Rohan’s the one who’s acting like this was just some quick PITY fuck or something. And despite it being Aarav’s own bedroom, he slides off the bed, pulls on a pair of clean boxers and grabs another clean t-shirt before disappearing outside. He can’t bare to be in that room where he’s feeling almost suffocated, from the lack of conversation, from the lack of communication even though their gazes.