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@abnormalastrology
RuPaul’s Drag Race Contestants
***I decided to put this information as a static page on the blog instead of a post because the post was too long.***
Here’s the link: RPDR Signs
Okay the static page was getting to be too long, so I made a spreadsheet!
Here’s the link: Drag Race Contestants’ Zodiac
I decided to turn my Style Horoscopes into instagram posts. Go check them out and follow @abnormalastrology!
Angry Alien Horoscopes
I was going to call these Horror Movie Horoscopes, but I already made a post with that title. Anyway, which horror movie are you? Brought to you via screenshots from Angry Alien’s 30 Second Bunny Theater!
Aries – It (2017) ...redheads...
Taurus – Exorcist ...because my brother is a Taurus, was Catholic, and lives in Georgetown, so you can thank him...
Gemini – Saw ...puzzles are fun, yeah?
Cancer – Teeth ... “VAGINA DENTATA!!!”
Leo – Scream ...it’s one thing to be a fan of movies...
Virgo – The Shining ... “All work and no play...”
Libra – The Ring ... “7 days...”
Scorpio – Halloween ...(whenever I see anything with an unbeatable killer, I always think of Austin Powers going, “Why won’t you die?!”)
Sagittarius – The Cabin in the Woods ...saying why would be giving away the ending...
Capricorn – Night of the Living Dead ...a classic...
Aquarius – The Human Centipede ...because technology and innovation lol...
Pisces – Poltergeist ... “This house is clean...”
Jigsaw Horoscopes
I am obsessed with Daniel Sloss’s Live Shows. I’ve watched them over a dozen times already, so here are your horoscopes via lines from the second episode.
(These are also posted on my new instagram account! Follow me over there! @abnormalastrology)
Aries – “I am such an insensitive, selfish motherfucker.”
Taurus – “You have to love the good with the shit, mainly because I’m 90% shit.”
Gemini – “I will not be happy until you and your kind die of irony.”
Cancer – “Maybe this time I won’t die inside.”
Leo – “It’s all a performance. I’m not like this in real life.”
Virgo – “Some of the thoughts I have genuinely disturb me.”
Libra – “Where’s my Nobel Peace Prize?”
Scorpio – “I’ve decided to create my own struggles.”
Sagittarius – “What does my laziness have to do with any of this?”
Capricorn – “I know I’m wrong, yet it’s still my opinion. That’s fucked.”
Aquarius – “All I’m saying is question fucking everything.”
Pisces – “We need to break up! Why? Cuz I’m dead inside.”
Brooklyn Nine-Nine Horoscopes
So I’ve become obsessed with this show after I finally caved in and watched it. IT’S MY NEW FAVOURITE SHOW!! I binged it, re-binged the fifth season, and binged it all a second time in less than a month. This is all I do with my life.
I thought about doing these horoscopes by single characters, but I figured those who got Pimento would be pissed for not getting Peralta. I thought about doing relationships, but as I was listing relationships, there were too many to include. So I’m going with quotes!
And I may or may not have re-binged the whole series a third time just to find the quotes. And while I hypothetically rewatched it, I hypothetically realized I was mostly writing down Peralta quotes, so I hypothetically leaned into it, so that’s all you’re getting.
And I may or may not already be on a fourth binge as I type this.
NINE-NINE!!!
Aries – “I didn't do it to be right. I did it to be amazing.”
Taurus – “These nups may be getting too toit.”
Gemini – “2, 3, 4…[screams]”
Cancer – “Everyone likes to be the little spoon. It makes you feel safe!”
Leo – “Stop hitting them! Kicking them will hurt more!”
Virgo – “I would sooner surrender than go anywhere near your gooey body pipe.”
Libra – “How dare you make me this upset while I'm wearing this outfit?!”
Scorpio – “I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.”
Sagittarius – “Now somebody get me a puka shell necklace. I'm going full douche.”
Capricorn – “I’m fancy. One time, I had coffee-flavored ice cream.”
Aquarius – “Dog bra! Dog bra!”
Pisces – “Stop yelling at me! I saved the day!!”
Fall Out Boy Horoscopes
My apologies to @ree-fireparrot for taking so long to make these! Between then and now I moved states and started a new job, so I’ve been a bit...uninspired.
But here you all go. Your end of year horoscopes in the form of Fall Out Boy lyrics!
Aries – “Empty your sadness like you're dumping your purse on my bedroom floor.” - The Kids Aren’t Alright
Taurus – “You can thank your lucky stars that everything I wish for will never come true.” - Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here)
Gemini – “I can't commit to a thing. Be it heart or hospital.” - Bang the Doldrums
Cancer – “And you can get what you want, but it’s never enough.” - Favorite Record
Leo – “The only thing I haven't done yet is die.” - Thriller
Virgo – “So we can take the world back from the heart-attacked. One maniac at a time we will take it back.” - The Phoenix
Libra – “What you do on your own time's just fine. My imagination's much worse.” - Calm Before The Storm
Scorpio – “Sometimes before it gets better the darkness gets bigger. The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger.” - Miss Missing You
Sagittarius – “I'll be as honest as you let me. I miss your early morning company if you get me. You are my favorite ‘what if’. You are my best ‘I'll never know’.” - Fourth of July
Capricorn – “I don't know where I'm going, but I don't think I'm coming home.” - Alone Together
Aquarius – “Someone old, no one new. Feeling borrowed, always blue.” - I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me
Pisces – “We're the new face of failure. Prettier and younger but not any better off. Bulletproof loneliness.” - I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You)
Costume Horoscopes
Not sure what to dress up as this Halloween? Here are some costume ideas for each sign!
Aries – Pennywise (1990): dress up as Tim Curry’s Pennywise and whisper to each Bill Skarsgård Pennywise, “How dare you.” If you’re a woman, Sexy Pennywise.
Taurus – Costco Sample: sit in a giant paper sample cup and keep shouting, “Try me!” If you’re a woman, Sexy Costco Sample.
Gemini – Face: be naked so your nips are the eyes, your belly button is the surprised mouth, and your dick swinging in the wind is your chin. If you’re a woman, Sexy Dick Swinging in the Wind.
Cancer – Sloth: just stay at home and hang off of your bedpost. If you’re a woman, Sexy Bedpost.
Leo – Cat Toy: dress as something fuzzy that squeaks or jingles and have a friend that is dressed as a cat intermittently mess with you and ignore you completely. If you’re a woman, Sexy Cat Toy.
Virgo – Taco: fill yourself up with meat, cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes and then tell everyone your butt is a taco shell. If you’re a woman, Sexy Butt Taco Shell.
Libra – Diarrhea: wear camouflage and carry around Gatorade. If you’re a woman, Sexy Diarrhea.
Scorpio – Instagram Story: dress however you want but limit your interactions to 15 seconds each. If you’re a woman, Sexy Instagram Story.
Sagittarius – Hair extension: wear a bodysuit in one colour and try to attach yourself to someone whose hair is that colour. If you’re a woman, Sexy Hair Extension.
Capricorn – Stray Hair: kind of like the hair extension but dress in black and have a friend follow you around with a comically large pair of tweezers that they squeeze on you every time you touch someone. If you’re a woman, Sexy Stray Hair or Sexy Pair of Tweezers.
Aquarius – CVS Receipt: this will be a group effort of you and every single acquaintance you can wrangle into wearing white and forming basically a human centipede. If you’re a woman, Sexy Human Centipede.
Pisces – Ovulation: carry a giant sack of balls and occasionally throw one out. Bonus: occasionally toss out two balls and yell out, “Twins!” Bonus Bonus: occasionally when tossing out one ball, yell out, “Surprise! Identical twins!” Bonus Bonus Bonus: throw out a bunch of balls and yell out, “Puppies!” If you’re a woman, Sexy Ovulation.
Can you do a post on how punk each sign is?
I would love to, but I don’t feel I have enough punk culture knowledge to make one. I never had a “punk phase” unlike some persons who are just more with it than I am supposedly.
How about I do some Fall Out Boy Horoscopes instead? Cuz I was planning on doing those at some point anyway. (Okay, so I didn’t think FOB was punk, but google does.)
Adulting Horoscopes
What is the most “adult” thing you’ve done?
Aries – You stopped watching teen porn. Good for you! You’ve stepped up from being kind of a pedophile and are now watching people who can get car rental insurance get it on!
Taurus – You used actual wine glasses for your wine instead of grabbing whatever cup was clean, but honestly, at least you’ve always been above drinking it straight from the bottle. At least in front of other people.
Gemini – You gave someone some space. Whew! That was tough, right? But you did it! Even if it was just for five minutes. Good job!
Cancer – You didn’t cry. You really wanted to during that meeting/movie/commercial about the baby with the dog in a lion costume, but you held it in like an adult!
Leo – You didn’t hold for the applause. You did something good and didn’t even notice or care about any recognition for it. Hm...are you feeling alright?
Virgo – You said no. You always want to turn down that invitation or say no to doing that favour for someone that you have no desire to do, but you used to always say yes until you realized self-sacrifice is annoying and terrible and no. Just no. I’m proud of you.
Libra – You stood up for yourself. Being patient and tolerant may seem like the mature thing to do, but confrontation is way more adult because it is so much harder.
Scorpio – You had fun. While crawling into a hole and shutting out the world isn’t necessarily “childish”, breaking out of your comfort zone is a part of growing as a person, and not retreating to a hermit-like state is definitely breaking out for you.
Sagittarius – You went to class not high.
Capricorn – You paid your bills on time. For a sign associated with business, you’re actually not very good at it because you hyper focus on one thing and let the other “trivial” things slide. Good job being more in control of all the things!
Aquarius – You were born. Congratulations on being the most adult to ever adult without anyone noticing. You’re just so good at it that you can have your shit together and still maintain a childlike demeanor without judgment from others.
Pisces – You stopped torturing yourself. You didn’t try to fit that last piece of pizza in your tummy. You didn’t keep running when you started to feel woozy. You didn’t stay at the party when all you wanted to do was go home and be pantsless. Way to set boundaries!
Why You Should Be Single Horoscopes
It’s been too long. I know. But yay! New horoscopes!
Aries – Why wouldn’t you want to spend more one-on-one time with your favourite person? Ditch all the other people. Put all your attention on you. You will appreciate all the you time you are spending with you. Oh, you!
Taurus – You don’t have to share your dessert/wine/bed/remote with anyone else. You get all of it to yourself. Just the way you like it.
Gemini – Hm. Can you or you ever truly be single?
Cancer – Anything I say here will get a resounding, “What?! I don’t think so!” So...hard pass.
Leo – Can you ever truly not be single?
Virgo – Why share your place with a person when you could instead fill your home with ALL THE ANIMALS???
Libra – Your life story, which you will one day sell the rights to, will be that much better if you struggle alone.
Scorpio – You can take a break from having to explain what that smell is.
Sagittarius – Haven’t you always wanted to perfect your musical whistling skills?
Capricorn – You’re a bit of a masochist. Why not be single, so you can get back on Tinder?
Aquarius – Because you really miss eating all the garlic in the world without being judged for stinking up the sheets with all the garlic coming out of your pores.
Pisces – Two words: fart time.
Yes, exactly!
Well, each sign has its stereotypes, like Leos are divas and Virgos are martyrs. If you browse the most basic zodiac descriptions, these will be glaringly obvious.
Speaking of fictional characters, to help narrow down birthdays, do you "do" decanates? If so could you do a series of quick (1-2 sentences, or even keywords) rundowns? All the info I found online is long and confusing...
I consider decanates in that I think there are slight differences between being born at the beginning of a sign and at the end. I think there’s a lot of disagreement as to what those differences are. Like there is one school of thought that those born towards the end of a sign are the most typical of that sign because those born toward the beginning are still being slightly influenced by the previous sign. Some believe it’s those in the middle who are the most typical of that sign cuz the ones at the end are also being influenced by the sign approaching, but I think this is a less popular idea because it only moves forward, there’s no preemptive influencing.
When I think of birthdays for fictional characters, I sometimes give them birthdays of people I know or know of. Like I gave the main character of my first book my exact birthday. In my second novel, I gave the love interest the same birthday as the lead singer of my favourite band because I saw him as being Scorpio-like, and he is a Scorpio.
Two questions for you: X sign found out their spouse was cheating on them, how do they respond? What are each signs preferred method of Suicide?
How someone responds to cheating depends on a combo of planets and signs and not just natal but transit as well.
I’m not giving you ideas. If you or anyone you know is suicidal, please call 1-800-273-8255.
Hey, y’all!
I had a thought today. It seems to me that astrologists are way more accurate with their predictions than meteorologists are with theirs. Just saying.
Anyway, I thought I’d give you all a heads up. Mercury is going retrograde from April 9 to May 3. Hope you all are doing well!
5 Year Anniversary
OMG, y’all!! Five years ago I started Abnormal Astrology, and hopefully one day soon I’ll be inspired to write more for it again. Until then, thanks for reading and following. Check out the archives. Lots of good stuff already there.
I'm a Scorpio girl with Cancer ascendant. I'm surrounded and have constantly been surrounded by Geminies (3 in my family). What's up with that? Also, I find female Geminies attractive, but after a while I consider them superficial. What's with this?
First, you notice what you look for. If you think you’re constantly surrounded by Geminis, you’re probably looking for them to support this idea. Also, you get the family you’re supposed to, so something in your chart points to those Geminis.
As for the attraction and then superficiality, this could be a result of the Geminis’ duality, so you only really see one aspect of them until you either get to know them better or spend enough time with them to see aspects you don’t like. When we initially find people attractive, we can idealize them to some extent, and then their flaws are either looked over or enhanced when they come to light. And again, if you expect them to be superficial, you may be looking for evidence to support this.
Or you might not be. Who can really say?
What would a Mars Lilith opposition imply in the natal chart? Is it similar to a mars pluto aspect, but to a lesser degree because it's an asteroid? Sorry, there isn't much information online about lilith contacts to personal planets.
That depends. What are the signs and houses of each? For example, if they are in Aries and Mars, they might work well with each other, balance each other out. It also matters what house they are in because that’s where it would affect you most.
If anyone wants a quick intro to who Lilith is, check out my past post here.