the feeling is never mutual

my other corner of the internet || finding ways to deal with whatever's going on in my head || lvl 19

[abunn13withbpd]

PINNED PSA TO THOSE THAT COME ACROSS MY ACCOUNT:

✿ₒ˚ ͙ .* ૢ°₊·*:❀°₊·ˈ·₊°ෆೄ*ₒ✿

This account is 18+ .. to anybody seeing this that are 17- do not interact any further than what you've already seen, please.

My thoughts are my own and I'm simply using this account as a little "tumblr diary dump" for all of the things i wanna post on my main account that i don't feel comfortable posting, and to just vent frustrations and hope that more people can relate to some of the shit i have going on than i think .. i might say some fucked up shit, so be aware (i use cw and tw tags when i feel like it)

be nice and respectful, this account upholds a zero tolerance policy .. and i block freely

[abunn13withbpd]

"i want a girl with beautiful princess disorder" this beautiful princess is gonna cut out your insides and feed them to the earth if you say some dumb shit like that again

[abunn13withbpd]

anticipating our next therapy session ... i have a lot to talk about :)

[abunn13withbpd]

i so badly want him to be as obsessed with me as i am with him .. like im over here reading thru their messages while he's asleep trying to avoid triggering another episode and he's fucking asleep like cmon man match my freak like this at least once yk?

[abunn13withbpd]

trying my best to see them as brothers instead of scarily close friends .. he's aroace its not like anything more than a friendly friendship is going on, right? RIGHT??? TELL ME IM FUCKING RIGHT SO THAT I DONT HAVE TO SLIT ANYONE'S THROAT

[abunn13withbpd]

HE DOESNT LIKE ALL OF MY POSTS THE WAY I LIKE ALL OF HIS I WANNA SQUEEZE HIM

[abunn13withbpd]

does anybody else also feel overwhelmingly and violently guilty for wanting sex as much as you do? like a god damn freak of horny nature. while simultaneously being absolutely revolted at the thought of being touched that personally and intimately? or is it just me?

[maladaptiveangelx]

do u ever feel depressed abt ur bpd

Almost always. It’s difficult not to be. Living with BPD means questioning my own perceptions constantly. I always wonder whether my emotions are proportional or simply… distorted. It’s exhausting to analyze every attachment, every reaction, every silence, knowing my mind is capable of convincing me that abandonment is inevitable. I find that more draining than the depression itself. If there were a switch to disable it, I’d use it without hesitation. Unfortunately, there isn’t, so all that’s left is to endure it while trying to separate fact from fear.

Half the time I barely survive it. And unfortunately I can hardly manage.

I am currently going through an extremely rough episode right now and can’t pick a side. I always think in black and white (good and bad,) and right now it’s just the bad. Not sure when this will end, if it ever will. But I feel like I might not make it out of this one.

[jupitertears3]

does my constant need for reassurance annoy you?

[abunn13withbpd]

been putting myself out there for so long that at this point it's starting to feel like i have nothing left to give

[abunn13withbpd]

i can't decide if stalking yall's messages will make me feel better about myself or like i wanna claw my skin off

[abunn13withbpd]

update: i wanna claw my skin off

[dvnyaaa]

pretending to be totally fine with the situation that has made my heart feel so heavy lately

[abunn13withbpd]

telling someone with bpd to not be jealous is like telling a dog not to bark ... we can't fucking help it

[abunn13withbpd]

craving sex from him while simultaneously wanting to puke my insides out at the thought of being touched is a different kind of torture

[abunn13withbpd]

i just want him to fuck me sensless so that i know he's really not leaving me like he promised he wouldnt

[jupitertears3]

i feel selfish when i yearn for your attention

[abunn13withbpd]

he told me he loved it when i got obsessive, then i actually expressed how obsessive i can get and he almost left me .. liar