so many mixed messages out there. "reach out" but "don't trauma dump, respect others' boundaries, don't be selfish" "you deserve better" but "don't be entitled" "take accountability, work on yourself" "accept yourself as you are" it feels like a constant balancing act. the conclusion i've come to is - no one asked to be born, so i don't expect anything from this world, but i just feel annoyed about being lied to about life being beautiful or rewarding really. i don't believe i was born to be loved or to be happy. i think i'm here BC society encourages childbirth to keep the economy going & to take care of others. i don't think the world is evil or out to get me but just indifferent, it's just about what i can bring, isn't it? or maybe you'll say it's a two way street. a transaction. just without the option for me to opt out.
"Love" always comes with strings. And I get it; everyone has emotional needs that need to be met. Just the whole thing feels dishonest. When you say you love me, what you mean is "I'll be nice to you if you're nice to me back". It's not "I actually care about you because you're you" and I know it is unfair to want that... but just....don't make out to me that it's anything other than that?
