Accurate Night in the Woods quotes

[accuratenitw]

Mr. Penderton: Don’t take that tone with me, young lady. I fought the war for your sort.

Mae: I bet you’re sorry you won.

[accuratenitw]

Gregg: I am clearly not cut out to help people make life choices.

Angus: Oh, I wouldn't be so sure. You helped me choose you.

Gregg: Okay, that time I was a genius.

[accuratenitw]

(Mae busts open door to Gregg and Angus’ apartment)

Gregg: Ah, hey Mae, we thought you were dead

[accuratenitw]

Bea: I thought you were better than this.

Mae: You did? Why?

[accuratenitw]

Reporter, on TV: Currently, the young woman is still climbing up the pole. She has managed to reach five or six stories!

Gregg, watching the news with everyone: Man, there are reckless idiots out this early?

Mae, from the pole: Hey!

Gregg: Oh man, that’s OUR idiot!

[accuratenitw]

Mae: Got an escape plan?

Gregg: Thought I'd try punching my way out. Mix things up a little.

[accuratenitw]

Angus: Okay. Just so I understand it, in your wildest fantasy, you are in Hell, and you are co-running a bed-and-breakfast with the Devil.

Mae: Yeah, but I haven't told you my salary yet.

Angus: Go.

Mae: $80,000 a year!

[accuratenitw]

Mae: Have you heard of Spontaneous Combustion?

Bae: I have.

Mae: I have a friend, Dana, who was in the grocery store one day, and her arm, like, bursts into flames. Just like that. Just her arm. And she’s screaming and waving her arm around and around, flames shooting everywhere. Finally the cops showed up and arrested her.

Bae: Arrested her? Why did—

Mae: Possession of an unlicensed firearm.

[accuratenitw]

Mae: Why are people so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I would be excited just to have a bunk bed.

Gregg: …

Angus: …

Gregg: I’m gonna tell her.

Angus: Don’t you dare.

[accuratenitw]

Angus: I think you use sarcasm and anger as a way to keep people from getting too close to you.

Bea: You know, I do. But it doesn't always work.

[accuratenitw]

Bea: It's going to fine. It's just that...

Bea: Mae is so great, and spontaneous, and I don't know what she's gonna do, and... and...

Bea: WHY WOULD SHE BE A COWBOY?!?

[accuratenitw]

Gregg: So, how'd you convince the whole group to betray me? What'd you offer them?

Mae: I asked them if they wanted to embarrass you, and they instantly said yes.

[accuratenitw]

Mae: All I ever wanted was to be your friend, and you treat me like a big joke. You think I don’t notice? Why don’t you like me?

Bea: Mae…

Mae: No, tell me.

Bea: Because… I’m jealous.

Mae: Oh. Of what?

Bea: Of everything. Everything comes so easy for you. I… want to feel good about myself. The way you do. And I don’t know how. I don’t know if I can.

[accuratenitw]

Lori: Some would say I’m pretty cool.

Mae: Who would say this?

Lori: Some. Out of billions. Statistically speaking.

Lori: I haven’t confirmed this.

[accuratenitw]

Bea: Leave Jackie alone Mae, she's going through some stuff.

Mae: We all are!

Mae: Everyone's in a constant state of falling apart!

[accuratenitw]

This is so sad. Mae, play Space Dragon.

Gregg

[accuratenitw]

Gregg: I didn't do it for them Angus. I did it for you.

Gregg: I'd kill for you.

Gregg: Please let me kill for you.

Angus: No, Gregg.