i'm the ace you didn't know existed

hi, i'm ace. and maybe aro? still in the closet. still figuring things out.

[ace-in-the-wild-version2]

when you want to Make It Big (or, rather, feel seen and see your experience represented) on aroace tumblr, but also you have no interest in being out irl, so you're doing this thing where you try to write things that are both ~interesting~ but not ~TOO~ interesting

[touhouweed]

I just want queer safety and queer happiness

[touhouweed]

and a queer $500k

[eldritchbauble]

Pride asks for fun:

Which labels do you use?

Do you like to use the term queer for yourself? Or just LGBT, etc?

Which pronouns do you use?

Are you "out" to your family and friends?

Are you "out" publicly?

(If you're out) do you wish you came out sooner? Later? Or was it the right time?

Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender:

When did you realize you weren't cishet?

Something that gives you gender euphoria (whether you're cis or trans):

Favorite (or just one you love) piece of LGBT media?

Name some queer artists/bands or songs you like most:

Do you choose to reclaim slurs, why or why not?

How do you think other factors like neurodivergency or upbringing have impacted your identity?

How has your identity changed over time?

Do you attend Pride in person every year?

Have you ever attended Pride in a big city/ large metro area?

How old were you when you got to attend your first Pride? Who did you go with?

Do you feel safe and accepted in your local community?

Do you feel like you "fit in" with the queer/Pride community overall?

What message would you give to your younger self?

How do you usually celebrate Pride month?

Do you prefer loud parties or quiet?

Do you practice any religion, if so how does it play into your LGBT identity? Do you feel welcomed by your spiritual community?

What queer discourse frustrates you the most?

How do you feel about the term partner rather than husband/girlfriend/etc?

What gender-neutral terms for yourself or others do you use (i.e. joyfriend)?

Do you experience both romantic and sexual attraction? Do you experience them the same across any gender(s) you are attracted to?

Are you currently partnered, or if not are you interested in having partner(s)?

Are you monogamous or polyamorous?

Post a pic in your pride gear (or it can just be a selfie or anything else lgbt):

Do you do arts and crafts? Post a pic of a project you've done:

What about your LGBT identity do you feel proud of/ want to recognize/celebrate?

What are you needing most right now (what would make your life easier or more fulfilling in regards to existing as queer)?

Anything else you want to ask during Pride:

[ace-in-the-wild-version2]

sure, ask me things

[ehlersdanloszebra]

[ace-in-the-wild-version2]

accidental affirmation

i love accidental affirmations...i signed up to take part in a program and, unbeknownst to me, the program is called ACE.

so i, an ace, have been accepted to also be in ACE.

so....ace squared, i guess?

[ace-in-the-wild-version2]

the real reason i'm here (on tumblr)

tldr: i'm here for the memes. but really? i'm here to find evidence that i'm not the only one like this.

i had a tumblr ages ago--like, it may have been a decade ago??--and i used it for a bit, but then it became sort of irrelevant...it felt like people were moving away from tumblr and i wasn't entirely sure what i was doing on here. plus, i forgot my log-in email and password and took that as a sign to just, yknow, abandon the platform.

i hadn't consciously thought of starting a new one until recently. i was talking to one of my best friends and they kept sending me tumblr links to posts--funny posts, relatable posts, informative posts--and i felt like maybe i should come back.

but you know what else? i'm ace and probably aro. i know all of 2 people irl who are ace and i am aware of exactly 0 aro people irl. i came here to find community and hope that i'm not the only one and that these aspects of identity don't doom me to feel perpetually inferior than my allo peers (a feeling that i have already deeply internalized and categorized as Truth^TM). i'm still figuring everything out. and it's an often-lonely and tricky path to navigate, if i'm being totally honest.

i do have a few rockstar allo friends who love me and care about me just the same since before i came out to them--people who, even when they're in relationships of their own, still consider close platonic friendship love to be important!!

generally speaking, i am closeted about my ace identity and even *more* closeted about my aro identity. so i guess i'm hoping that tumblr can serve as somewhat of a placeholder? container? for all the angst and loneliness that i feel as an aroace person.

[peach-pot]

I’m all for going about queerness with the goal of not being able to be understood by outsiders but like. you’ve GOT to be normal about aro & ace people if you do. you can’t go on about being confusing to cishets for fun and then complain about ace & aro people who go about sex and romance and attraction in ways that don’t make sense to you.

[peach-pot]

supporting queerness that confuses others should include queerness that confuses YOU too even if you’re queer yourself.

[ace-in-the-wild-version2]

is it just me, or is coming to terms with being aroace just, like, 96% finding memes on tumblr and being like "it me!" and then there's a second's pause and that slow, understanding nod?

[titaniumelemental]

I think we could have more handshake 🤝 meme solidarity between asexuals and kinky people, and it doesn’t just stop with recognizing the people who are both. I’m most specifically thinking of the aces who don’t want to do any sex and the people who only want it with their kind of kink and never normal sex.

Think about it: the expectation is to have the right amount of the right kind of sex as an expression of the right kind of love. A relationship without sex is of course viewed suspiciously. It’s probably less serious than a real relationship. If you really care about your partner, why wouldn’t you have sex with them, right? But a relationship with only weird gross sex is just as bad, that’s probably less loving than a real relationship. If you really love your partner, you’d also be into them without the weird stuff, right?

It’s about not having sexual attraction vs having sexual attraction that’s so far off from the normal you’re not sure if it counts. When I hear aces talk about their struggles in relationships before figuring out they’re ace, I think of my first partner (who I did have sex with!) saying “but I just want to make love to you” until that phrase made me bluescreen. I think about them eventually telling me “I feel like you’re not really attracted to me” and realizing probably I wasn’t. Not the way they wanted anyway.

In a different way, there’s an uncanny resemblance in how people treat this stuff. It’s in how people disparage your identity and then ridicule any attempt to push back on that. Oh wow, you really want to pretend to be oppressed! Don’t you realize no one cares what you do (or don’t) in the bedroom? Why are you even talking about this at all, it should be private. Don’t you realize actual gay people get murdered for their sexuality while you just get your feelings hurt on the internet? (A favorite excuse of people who’s main hobby seems to be hurting people’s feelings on the internet.)

Through all of that, it still is private, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. It still gets isolating to never talk about it. And if you can’t just date “normal people,” how are you supposed to find your people? Plus it’s not like sex never comes up in conversation with friends, and you’re tired of not knowing what you can say. Then there’s the residual pain of those years wondering if you’ll ever really find someone who cares about you without wanting something you can’t give. (Unless it’s not residual because you’re currently still in it.)

I can’t know first hand what it feels like to be sex-repulsed ace, but when people talk about the shit they face for it that rings a lot of unexpected bells with my own experience. If any of this resonates with you at all, then this handshake is for you.

“No sex, please” people 🤝 weird sex freak people

[ace-in-the-wild-version2]

gotta say...this is not a collab (there's probably a better word to say what i'm trying to say, but i can't think of it right now, so *shrug*) i anticipated seeing, but i have to say...

i'm ace and i approve this message.

the solidarity is much appreciated. and yes, a handshake meme for all of us is in order.

[emporium]

I'm a long time meme consumer, first time creator. I wish meme university was a real thing, I'd enroll today.

[ace-in-the-wild-version2]

just @ me next time

[ace-in-the-wild-version2]

how do i talk to non-aces?

sometimes, to Sound Cool^TM, i start a text conversation by texting 'ello....does anyone know if i can text people 'ello allo? would that be appreciated?

[necessary-disorder]

[ace-in-the-wild-version2]

it's so pretty!

[reggieslocket]

aroace people really said "the closet? no no no, i'm gonna hide in caves, in the woods and even underneath rocks, i'm gonna be the best damn hide and seek player in the world" because i have yet to find one aroace person in real life

[super-ace]

🤣

[ace-in-the-wild-version2]

exactly

[valtzwrites-deactivated20241011]

me thinking about my love for my hobbies, interests, pets, etc. that type of love can be just as strong, important and valid as romantic love for another person. don't let anyone shame you for what makes you truly happy. happiness can come from other places, not just a person like amatonormative society implies. embrace your aromanticism and/or asexuality, embrace all the tiny things that make you feel joy.

[ace-in-the-wild-version2]

YEP. EXACTLY THIS.