Establishing Parentage
Well, it is late or early in to the morning depending on how you want to look at it. I still have yet to write my five to eight page paper but I have managed to type away my finger print with googling. (Allow pause to pour myself a cup of coffee). I didn’t think five short months ago I would be here in this moment panicked if I will be mom enough to be recognized as a mom, living in Washington State I have protection, ”Protection”, the more I dig the deeper the hole goes and the more panic sets in. When starting this journey with B and choosing R I didn’t even think of the ramifications. It’s almost like we through caution to the wind and plunged into something a million times larger.
When Baby H comes to us in five or ten years if ever she’s going to ask how she was made and I’m going to have to choke down my lukewarm coffee and sit her down. I’ve already played this out in my mind a million times. H when a mom and a mommy love each other and have a mutual belief that a child should be able to know their full DNA makeup they enlist the help of a friend. ( here not knowing if I should go into great detail holding up a syringe and Dixie cup).
In seriousness and truth, I have been on a three day bender of googling second-parent adoption, step-parent adoption, Parentage protection, and birth certificates.
I am going to say this, I have been fighting for my right to exist since I was able to form a sentence. I have been fighting for a voice being a young woman, I have fought for visibility as a queer teen and now I am fighting to be seen as a legitimate mother. When will my right to be here, to be accepted and acknowledged become normalized in everyday life? Some of us are waiting for our letters to be accepted in to Hogwarts and I’m just waiting to be accepted in to society. I need to be specific here and state this, I would not change the process on how We conceived or with whom because I am a firm believer that once conception happens the soul has entered the body and I do not for a second want to alter the perfect being that my wife is growing right now. I do I think I would have insisted on a donor donation contract. I can’t change the past now. I think in sealing a contract before hand I wouldn’t be worried over terminology at 2 in the morning. Who knows though maybe all the panic and fear and what if’s I am running is just the start to motherhood and I am getting a head start on feeling like I am damaging my child. That is a thing right? Feeling like every step we take is sealing the fate of our children? Maybe 2 am has made me a little sinister.
In the mist of my hurried google searches at work I found a cute little article and a line resonated with me,”my child was not the product of a split relationship,but the creation of a joint vision.” That hit home right in my feelings, with all the googling and law jargon I had let a dark cloud piss on me, the best gift , and largest joy in my life.
If I do have to adopt my daughter and pay endless amounts of money and give pieces of my soul isn’t that okay? Is it really something to melt down about? Because if I am melting anything down it facts. Fact, no matter how much love I have for my wife or how much love she has for me I do not produce sperm. Fact, when I look at our donor I see kind, loving, caring and compassionate traits deep in his soul and I wanted those echoed in my daughter. Fact, nothing in life worth doing is easy. Fact, the love my soul as to share has been pissed on from the highest mountain since realizing who I love isn’t conventional and was deemed less than, second class. So after boiling down the facts. If my fears are really warranted and I should be scared, I say bring it because I have an amazing wife and family that came with her and at the end of the day Motherhood and parenting is about fighting for your child, and their best interest. So on my day off Wednesday I will be contacting a local family lawyer, and seeing what is in the best interest of my family and what protections we should look into.