PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
izzy's playlists!
No title available
★
Show & Tell
wallacepolsom
h
taylor price
hello vonnie
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Stranger Things
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
$LAYYYTER
⁂
No title available
No title available
KIROKAZE
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Three Goblin Art
Discoholic 🪩
seen from Portugal
seen from United States
seen from Latvia
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Philippines
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Poland
seen from Malaysia
seen from Latvia
@actuallyallergic
the principal aim of lying is to accomplish your goal in as few lies as possible, and with the least amount of effort necessary to keep those lies going. It follows naturally that the world’s greatest liar speaks only the truth.
The year is 1492. You are the Catholic Monarchs - both of them. Isabel and Fernando, tanto monta, monta tanto. You have just finished kicking all of the Muslim powers out of Iberia, and you’re feeling so pleased with yourselves that you expel the Jews about it. You have a problem, though - there’s this annoying Genoese moron named Christopher Columbus who keeps waving some bad math at you, insisting that the world is actually smaller than everyone thinks it is and he could totally sail to India by going west. He gets on your nerves so much that you just give him a couple of ships and send him off. He definitely won’t make it to India, but maybe he’ll find some little island and give all of your newly-unemployed hidalgos something to keep them busy. He’ll probably just starve to death in the middle of the ocean, and then he’s no longer your problem.
The year is 1519, and you are Hernán Cortés. You and all of your compatriots are stuck in the most effective way to make someone a bad person: put them in a situation where they must become incredibly wealthy and powerful incredibly fast or else they will die horribly. Transatlantic voyages are absurdly expensive. Anyone in the ‘New World’ who isn’t rich enough to afford their own army is deeply in debt, with no collateral but their own sword-arm. It is an environment that does not reward half-measures. It does not even reward full measures. It only rewards putting a brick on the gas pedal and crossing your fingers - if you kill one person then you’re a murderer, but if you kill hundreds of thousands of people then you're a paragon of glory and the Spanish crown will make statues of you.
The year is still 1519 and you are Moctezuma II, Huēyi Tlahtoāni (great ruler) of the ‘Aztec Empire,’ also known as the Triple Alliance, or the Mexica. You know a thing or two about half-measures not being rewarded, because you are in a process of rapidly expanding and consolidating a nascent Mesoamerican empire. You are quite good at your job - even before you ascended to the throne, you cultivated a reputation as a skilled warrior, a dedicated student, and a devout worshiper. Your name means something like ‘lord who frowns in anger.’ It’s a fitting name, because the process of ‘imperial expansion and consolidation’ generally involves killing lots of people. To make matters worse, some weird hairy white guys showed up out of nowhere and they keep demanding an audience with you. You try every trick in the diplomatic handbook - deferment, threats, flattery, bribes - but everything you do just seems to make them more single-mindedly focused on your destruction. Later, after you are dead, they will claim that you thought they were gods.
The year is 1545, and this whole ‘colonialism’ thing is starting to peter out. Trans-Atlantic voyages are still ruinously expensive, and the pickings are getting slimmer every day - it’s not like you can go loot Tenochtitlan a second time. You’re starting to wonder if it’s time for everyone to pack up, go home, and forget about… holy shit is that a mountain of silver? Is that an honest-to-god mountain with more silver in it than every other existing silver mine on the face of the earth combined? Yes. Some call it Potosí. Many will call it “the mountain that eats men.” In a single moment, colonialism goes from a plundering campaign for recently-unemployed soldiers to a permanent institution. The alchemists back in Prague and Vienna never learned how to turn lead into gold, but the mercenaries and taskmasters in Potosí found a much simpler equation to turn blood into silver.
The year is 1571, and the economy of the Ming dynasty doesn’t feel so good. Their experiment with paper money was a failure, to put it gently. The experiment with paper money failed horribly. It turns out when you try to have paper currency but you don’t have sophisticated counterfeit protections and there’s also a booming cottage industry of people making paper in their cottages, well, you can guess how that ends. So you’re trying to shift to a silver economy. But then you run into an even bigger problem: you don’t have enough silver. So if you start demanding taxes in silver, the price of silver will skyrocket, which means taxes will skyrocket when the economy is already ailing from the whole ‘paper money’ thing. Some hapless scholar-official in Guangdong is nervously watching a peasant sharpen his pitchfork when he gets word from a messenger: some gweilo just showed up at the part with literal shipfuls of silver and they want to buy silk, tea, spices, and porcelain at outrageous markups.
Within living memory, the world was still ‘medieval’ in many ways - slow, parochial, zero-sum, carefully arbitrated by tradition and precedent. Legible. And now Spanish sailors take Bolivian silver on ships guarded by West African mercenaries and Japanese ronin, sailing to their colony in the Philippines to rub shoulders with Chinese officials, Indian sultans, and Malay merchants. All because some dipshit from Genoa got his math wrong and wouldn’t shut up about it.
The moral of this story is that I’m going insane.
New url New me
robbie what the fuck
hey wait i was using that
New url New me
robbie what the fuck
New url New me
It gets really annoying when people offer you food and you say “oh no thank you” and they keep pestering you about it and then you finally admit you’re allergic to the food and they freak out like you just said you kick puppies for fun.
Yes I know it might seem like heck on earth for you to never eat chocolate or cake or pizza ever again but you’re not the one who can’t so please stop going on about it for 5 minutes straight and let me go on my merry way to eat soy products and cheap tasteless substitutes for the rest of my life.
Same thing happens when I tell people that I’ve never had pb&j or puppy chow or reese’s cups etc… Or, better yet, when I have to tell Israelis that I can’t have falafal or hummus….
When A Restaurant's Website Has Allergy Information:
GIRL PLAN FOR SALE UNTIL 6/28!!! check out the store here
also the remastered comic is available on ao3 here!
one of my kids broke his leg so his favorite recess activity now that kicking balls over the fence is off the table has been hangman, except we call it frankenstein because my teacher doesnt like calling it hangman, and its all good until he wants to take over and be the frankmaster, because a game of frankenstein (hangman) run by a kindergartner who cant spell and doesnt know all his letters is a crapshoot, except for the fact that every single time without fail his phrase is "dog eats," but he doesnt know how to spell "eats" so that part is different every time, but if he realizes youve caught on that the phrase is Dog Eats theres a 50% chance he will start improvising, and its in gods hands from there on out
GIRL PLAN FOR SALE UNTIL 6/28!!! check out the store here
also the remastered comic is available on ao3 here!
Nirvanna the band the show running intro recreated from the vancouver lookalike meetup!! figured with all the matts and jays they needed a jared to capture it! shot it in 4:3 in 480p to honour webseries ntbts. This was so fun it was awesome to meet everyone!!
becky from @jlaudio 's incredible dirties fic that hurt me and i love her
@nightpool eat less messy you're embarrassing me
what even is this
it's usually closer / on your chest
In the book Eridians wore clothes, so I decided to do a little exploration on how they could've looked.
As we have stated publicly, we believe the government should have the ability to block unsafe deployments, as part of a statutory process that is transparent, fair, clear, and grounded in technical facts. This action does not adhere to those principles.
on the one hand this is probably very bad but on the other, lmao. "noooo you weren't supposed to actually shut down our deployments, we hadn't finished our regulatory capture yet, no fair"
