I'm Distracted™

I'm just trying to live my life after realising my brain has been working against me for 20 years | she/her | hyperfixations include Tolkien's legendarium, fashion, geopolitics and horse riding

[hellenhighwater]

ohhhhh my god I spent like an hour today in a frothing rage for no reason at all and just grabbed a burger from a drivethrough on my way back from the studio and hey it turns out that possibly i have not eaten an actual meal since lunch on friday. and its possible that was. a factor.

anyways I do not have any vacancies for the role of "my worst enemy" because I have already filled that position myself, but fortunately it appears to be a very easy job.

[calugaritsa]

"i hate when I like a new song so I check out the band and none of their other music sounds similar!" you know who never has this problem? people discovering Powerwolf. those guys just consistently serve the exact same Evil Catholic Werewolves schtick with their triumphant soaring vocals, sick guitar riffs and key changes and you know what? it absolutely eats every single time

[sad--beep]

[sad--beep]

[adhdistracted]

Anxiety

tldr; panic attacks can take different forms and movies are not a good ref as to what they fell and look like

So I was diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago and while doing the evaluation, my psychiatrist decided to do an anxiety evaluation too. Turns out I'm scoring almost off the charts on that too so that's great /s

The anxiety chart is rated from 1 to 21 (1 lowest 21 highest) and you have anxiety if you score above an 8. I scored a 20 and I was having a pretty good day anxiety-wise. My psychiatrist said my meds would help but they don't even work on my depression (which is what they're supposed to fix) and as I expected, they have basically 0 effect on my anxiety.

I figured out I had a problem a few years ago when I started having panic attacks but I thought it was just normal stress at the time. Then one day I lost 6hrs. I was writing an exam so I was looking at the time, then I looked at my wall for what felt like a minute and when I blinked and looked at the time again to continue writing, it was 6hrs later. Apparently my brain just kinda turned itself off from the stress.

My panic attacks take different forms but I didn't realise what they were until I talked about losing time with my psychiatrist and that's when I learned that they're not always the 'fatal position, hyperventilating and crying' that you see in movies.

[adhdistracted]

ADHD, anxiety, and adulting

tldr; I have a very important call to make for my flatmate and I so that we don't get fined heavily and my add and anxiety decided to make it impossible for me to do it.

So my former flatmate and I were just made aware a couple days ago that we had been taken to court for unpaid taxes. No one contacted us to tell us that, and the taxes that we didn't pay are an error on their part because we were both legally exempt from paying them. Of course, because we didn't know the council was going to court, we couldn't attend to defend ourselves. So they're asking a large amount of money that neither my flatmate nor I have at the moment.

I'm the primary on the account so I have to deal with it. The problem is that my anxiety is peaking so I'm having a panic attack, and in conjunction to that, my executive dysfunction has decided to kick in so I can't get to doing it. Something as simple as calling the council and telling them 'hey you fucked up our bill could you fix it pls' feels like an insurmountable task and it makes me so angry with myself.

[entishramblings]

tolkien really said:

[stealingmyplaceinthesun]

Tolkien Performance Evaluations

Turin: Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.

Feanor: His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

Eol: I would not allow this employee to breed.

Maeglin: This associate is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definitely won’t be.

Ar-Pharazon: He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

Erendis: This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

Daeron: This employee should go far–and the sooner the better.

Brodda: This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

Aldarion: He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

[squirrelwrangler]

heget’s Silmarillion Sigil Set

your daily dose, (7/?)

Disclaimer: Here is a blend of Original Tolkien creations (aka my best efforts at recreating the author’s drawing), modifications on the original, and designs completely from cloth.

Please credit if use.

In order:

Fëanor, Maedhros, Maglor, Celegorm, Caranthir, Curufin, Amrod & Amras

Previous Entries:

HERE is the master-list.

Notes:

Ah, what the heck, might as well get these sigils over with. The Sons of Fëanor, with the Tolkien Original Fëanor for reference. If you can’t tell, compared to many other elven sigils, these ones I phoned in because it’s the Fëanorions, and thus I'm apathetic. I excuse that the sigils for the seven sons are so similar to their dad as extreme filial piety - and what with the oaths and the pack mentality and the fact that Fëanor named his kids the equivalent of “Jr #1, Jr #2, ….” I think I can get away with it.

Keep reading

[tolkienillustrations]

Beleriand and the Lands to the North by John Howe

[adhdistracted]

This is so beautiful

[silvergifting]

when you think about it, though, the silmarillion is objectively hilarious. i mean, every person that i've met who hasn't read it sees it as this Gigantic, Complicated compendium of tolkien-related lore that requires years of commitment to read and understand-- but, in reality, it's just a mess of a book about disaster bisexuals, tolkien's arachnophobia, melkor fucking shit up (and later sauron fucking shit up), and the sheer incompetence of fëanor's house in general. people are fighting werewolves naked, sauron is turning into a vampire furry at the slightest indication of trouble for him personally, there's a giant dog named 'dog', fëanor is out there telling satan himself to get the fuck off of his lawn, everyone is having breakdowns and dying over some fancy jewelry, and, in the midst of it all, the two Big Villains are living in a giant, impossibly edgy fortress together and committing Evil Gay Deeds. what could possibly be better? nothing can outclass the silmarillion in terms of its sheer chaotic bisexual high fantasy energy, and i don't think that will ever change.

[thelegolashairappreciationclub]

I adore "Maedhros and Maglor in the war of the rings" AUs

(and I think I've come up with my favourite one yet)

Timeline to be figured out but:

Celebrimbor as a test before making the 3 elven rings decides to craft his uncles a final gift using the methods that Annatar has imparted (Of course it's not entirely light magic but he doesn't know that yet.) What he intends to make is a ring of protection that defends them from the teeth of the Oath but instead what he makes is a ring that protects them from themselves. The Oath is a magic bound in their minds and thus so is the protection of the rings so when Maedhros and Maglor recieve them what they basically turn into is rings of self preservation. Mae tries to throw himself into a chasm and finds himself turning around and walking away against his will. Maglor wanders around fading but keeps finding himself back in rivendell whenever he's on the cusp until eventually he gives up and settles there. I imagine Mae eventually realises he can't Just Fecking Die and he refuses to fall to what little of the enemy is left and going back to the elves would result in being held prisoner (he assumes, ya boy's paranoid ok) instead of executed. So instead he just says "Well Sauron had allies in the east didn't he? 😈 " And goes off to cause problems on purpose in a way that's useful.

All this wandering and futility carries them right through the first war against Sauron so neither of them are really involved aside from Sauron suddenly losing allies in the east and a really pesky loner who keeps singing random patrols to death around the coast.

However, then the quest of the mountain happens. And all of a sudden there's rumours of a redheaded elf who speaks Khuzdul living with the dwarves but by the time Elrond gets a message to Erebor like "???" Dain is like "oh he's long gone already, didn't find what he was looking for."

By this point Maglor has been living with Elrond for a few centuries and had no idea Maedhros was still alive and basically just disappears instantly. To which Elrond is like "Great.. now there's TWO unattended, feral dads wandering the continent 🙄." Fast forward a couple of decades and Maglor shows up like a cat leaving mice on your doorstep with Maedhros in tow, who is distinctly unhappy with this arrangement. Still, eventually Mae stops hissing and biting long enough to actually bond with his family again. (Especially since Elrond knows how the rings function and has ordered that no one is allowed to remove them for mae or mags.) And things start actually looking up for the kidnapp fam.

But then sh*t gets interesting. Because the one ring appears in rivendell.

(I will probably continue and elaborate on this when its not 2am)

[princess-faelivrin]

entering the tolkien fandom with a background in linguistics? no, I’m entering linguistics with a background in tolkien fandom

[sunflowersupremes]

It’s 3 am and I need “Frodo destroys the ring but somehow that frees Morgoth” AU. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know.

Aragorn, the Fellowship and the army of Gondor fell back to Minas Tirith to regroup (and moan “what the fuck” a lot)

Namo is fucking done. What the fuck Manwë. He releases Fëanor and his sons from Mandos because he knows they really want to punch Melkor.

The entire house of Finwë returns to Middle Earth to KICK MORGOTH’S BUTT and bring the sad beach cryptid back home with them.

Galadriel and Gandalf managed to get their Rings off before Sauron took control. Elrond tried to fight back (because he knew Aragorn was in danger and that was all he could process). Glorfindel had to cut off Elrond’s finger to remove Vilya.

Fëanor and his sons get to Minas Tirith first (Finarfin and his kids went to free Lorien; Fingolfin and his kids went to save Imladris)

Gandalf is shocked to see Fëanor, but also thinks the whole thing is hilarious. Classic Gandalf.

Merry and Pippin are very confused by the ginger elf who is almost as tall as an ent (not really, but hobbits are bad at math)

Aragorn, Elladan, and Elrohir are VERY CONCERNED about the sudden reappearance of Fëanor. Legolas would be concerned if he’d ever paid attention to history lessons.

Bonus: Elladan, Elrohir, Amrod, and Amras are a group to be feared.

They all assume Frodo and Sam are dead until a very old and tired Maglor Fëanorian limps into Gondor and calmly asks for a healer. He had followed them into Mordor out of curiosity and after the Ring’s destruction he carried them out.

Maglor insists he was not trying to kidnap more children. He says he knew they were adults. Sam says he kept calling them “little ones” and “dear children.”

Maglor doesn’t know what to do when he is suddenly mobbed by his father and brothers (he didn’t know they were back, he just went to Gondor because it was closest).

Maglor cries.

Fingolfin’s group get there next (because Elrond heard Maedhros was back and immediately took off).

Elrond was not expecting to see Maglor because he assumed Maglor was still wandering the beach somewhere. (Maglor burst into tears when he saw Elrond’s bandaged hand)

Maedhros and Maglor are NOT HAPPY that their son is missing a finger and immediately start chewing him out about “fucking magic Jewels and jewelry”

Erestor, who came with Elrond and is a former follower of Maglor, almost cries at the sight of his best friend.

Finarfin had to go find his son (Gildor Inglorion is actually Finrod, because he’s the WORST at coming up with fake names). He finally arrives in Minas Tirith very Tired and Done with Everyone.

Gildor/Finrod was hanging out with Radagast, so now they have rabbits. Great. Thanks buddy. Really helpful when you’re fighting EVIL INCARNATE.

Galadriel yells at Fëanor. Everyone is happy about this.

Gil-Galad is there. Fingon and Maglor finally admit to everyone that Gil-Galad is Maglor’s son that Fingon just passed off as his own. Fëanor is ECSTATIC. Maglor cries.

Celebrían is there too. She has a sword. She stabs things. She is badass.

Dain Ironfoot rolls out of Erebor with a dwarf army to save Gimli, son of Gloin. He figures he might as well help the big dudes too.

Fëanor likes the dwarves. This is concerning. They tell him about the Arkenstone. This is very concerning.

Maglor assures them that the Arkenstone is not a Silmaril. He already checked. It’s a cheap copy that Morgoth made to try to replicate them.

Celebrimbor came with Curufin (who he stubbornly refuses to call Dad). He is not happy that everyone keeps ribbing him about his ex-boyfriend.

Finrod and Curufin fight over which of them is a better father figure to Celebrimbor.

The mortals of Gondor initially thought the elves would save them, by this point they’re fairly sure they’re fucked.

Somehow they all band together for one last dramatic siege on Mordor.

Morgoth comes out to fight them and just as it looks like he might be about to win, Earendil swoops down, crashes Vingilot into him, and squishes him.

[sunflowersupremes]

Maglor’s Fate theories ranked from least to most absurd

(with links to relevant AO3 fics because I know you’ll love that)

Eventually died, possibly during the sinking of Beleriand. Seems to be implied by Mandos mentioning that he will have Fëanor’s sons in his halls (Maglor is not mentioned separately from the others who definitely died)

Will wander forever unable to return home due to his unfulfillable Oath. Eventually fades from existence, his physical body slowly decaying due to the Marring of Arda until his spirit is left to haunt the shores. Fulfills the “your deeds will forever be a matter of song” part of the Doom.

Eventually pardoned long after the Third Age and builds his own makeshift raft to get there. Alternatively called “Nerdanel bullies the Valar to get what she wants.”

Tossed into the Void along with his father and brothers as punishment for their crimes as per the wording of the Oath [x]

Hunted down by Sauron as petty revenge (maybe at Celebrimbor, maybe just at the Feanorians in general, maybe just because Sauron got bored) [x, x, x, x]

Living in Rivendell during the Third Age, probably under the name Lindir. Fits with “The Lost Road” where he was said to live with Elrond for a while after the First Age. [x]

Cohabiting with Daeron and possibly Nimloth. Maybe they eventually sail. Maybe they don’t. [x, x]

Beach hermit who is dragged home against his will by Elrond at the end of the Third Age. [x, x, x]

Beach hermit who grudgingly befriends Cirdan this could end well [x] or it could end in tragedy [x]

Bonds with Bilbo over maps (and pastries). Bilbo did not initially know who this strange hobo Elf was, but once he figures it out Bilbo manages to trick him into reuniting with Elrond [x]

Tossed into the Void as per the Oath, but is rescued by the sheer determination (and stupidity) of Elrond Half Elven. [x]

Rescued by Eönwë, his ex boyfriend. Yes I am ranking my OTP as absurd. No I am not accepting notes. [x]

Tom Bombadill. That’s it. That’s the theory. [x, x, x]

Convinces the men of Gondor to jail him for his crimes and becomes a sort of pseudo-prophet for the Gondorians for centuries. Eventually yelled at by Elrond. [x]

Joins the Fellowship of the Ring, not because he wanted to, but because it sounded like no one else who volunteered was actually qualified [x]

Shows up during the Hobbit to yell at people about the foolishness of going to war over pretty Jewels [x]

Becomes Homer, the blind Greek playwright. May or may not also be Shakespeare.

Lives on through the modern age, eventually decides that five dollar monthly margaritas at Chili’s are better than Valinor.

Kidnapped by Earendil (on orders from Elrond). The Valar allow it because if Earendil is okay with him then can they really argue??? [x]

Actually Celebrimbor: There’s a reason Celebrimbor wasn’t mentioned in the original drafts of the Silm and was thrown in as an after thought, and that’s because Elrond and ‘Celebrimbor’ took advantage of the fact that most of Nargothrond died to create a cover story for where this ‘new’ Fëanorian came from.

Killed during the Third Age, by a werewolf who is actually Finrod [x]

Befriends some dude named John Ronald Ruel and tells him stories that the Oxford professor eventually adapts and turns into an epic tale. Discrepancies in the canon can be attested to JRRT deciding to “improve” things.

Actually JRR Tolkien himself, after writing down his crimes and ensuring that his crimes will never be forgotten, he eventually allows himself to die. Discrepancies in the canon can be attested to confusion brought about by damage from his Oath and ensuing madness.

Crablor

[jail-crow-of-mandos]

What Your Favourite Silm Character Says About You (part 1)

Fëanor: You're neurodivergent and relate to him because you too would commit unspeakable atrocities for your special interest.

Maedhros: You have childhood trauma that you haven't yet recovered from. Alternatively, you just really like gingers and want to fuck him. Or both.

Maglor: You still haven't moved on from your emo phase.

Celegorm: You are perhaps too horny for your own good. 99% of your bookmarked fics on AO3 are smut.

Caranthir: You have spent way too much time surrounded by dumbasses and your patience is wearing thin. Also, you're autistic.

Curufin: You somehow manage to be simultaneously the smartest and dumbest person you know.

Amras: You keep unintentionally basing your characterization of Ambarussa on the Weasley twins even though the only thing they have in common is that they're twins with red hair.

Amrod: You realize that Amrod has literally 0 personality descriptors in any of Tolkien's works, so you have to make up your own characterization for him and proceed to get frustrated when you can't find any fics where he acts "in-character".

Fingon: When you read the Silmarillion, you always have to skip chapter 24 because it fucks you up too much.

Maeglin: You were labelled as gifted as a child, but as you've gotten older, you've stopped receiving the praise that you thrived off of as a kid, and now you have crippling imposter syndrome.

Mairon: There is no universe in which you're straight.

Melkor: There is no universe in which you're cis.

Gothmog: You're way too into bara. Also probably a size queen.

Thuringwethil: You're a U-Haul lesbian.

Manwë: 90% of what you write are fix-it fics because you just want everyone to be happy.

Eönwë: You have never read a Silm modern AU and you plan on keeping it that way.

Varda: You romanticise the idea of sleeping under the stars, but whenever you actually try to do it, you only last ten minutes before the bugs send you back inside.

Nienna: ...Honey, do you need a hug? I think you need a hug.

Mandos: You're unreasonably irritated that I didn't call him Námo.

[lizcantspell]

My mother knows me so well.

[adhdistracted]

Showing this to my mother because I need one