These are the stories...

This is my writing about my everyday life.

[adriithewriter-blog]

#4 Wednesday April 26, 2017

“Are you gay? Are you straight?” I would say neither. “Well then, what are you?” I am bisexual. “That’s not a thing. You’re just selfish. You’re just confused. You don’t know what you want, it’s just a phase.” No I’m not selfish or confused and it’s not “just a phase”. You can’t judge me by who I choose to be, who I choose to date, who I choose to fall in love with or even who I choose to have sex with.

The stigma towards bisexuality is nowhere near positive. The criticism is always along the lines of people thinking a bisexual person is just confused, just selfish and just going through a phase or even that there’s higher chance of them cheating. When in reality someone who is bisexual chooses love not by gender, but by other aspects. We choose to love personality, mind and soul. We are like everyone else when it comes to love, the only difference is that we don’t look at gender. We can date, love and have sex with anyone we choose to just like everyone else. Just because we choose to date men and women doesn’t necessarily mean we’re going to cheat while in a relationship. We are as loyal..most of us anyway. Bisexuality is a real thing and should be treated as such

In the end, “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Heterosexual” are just labels. We are all one. All of us are human. It shouldn’t matter who we love, what religion we believe in, what our political stance is. None of that matters. We can all get along if this idea of hate did not exist. Hate is something learned, something that is taught, not something born with. We were born to discover who we are and what each and everyone of us stands for. Hate should not be spread because of differences. We should all embrace each other’s differences for better or worse.

Lin Manuel Miranda said it best,” Love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love, cannot be killed or swept aside. Fill the world with music, love, and pride.”

[adriithewriter-blog]

#3

Sunday March 26, 2017

I didn’t want to fight. Not now and not ever. I hate confrontation. I always run away. I’m afraid of being left. I know running away from my problems isn’t the ideal solution, I know instead of growing stronger, I’ll grow weaker. We as a couple will become weaker. I’m afraid to say something that will hurt us, yet I’m afraid if i don’t speak up and say whatever is bothering me then it’ll consume me, cause me even more pain. I just need time, a lot of time.

How could she not trust me? Does she not love me as much as i love her? Am i just overthinking this too much? I can’t breathe, this just too much for me. The temperature is rising. Why though, it’s raining?

I find myself walking towards the beach, under the rocks. It’s so beautiful there, even though i’m highly afraid of large bodies of water, i can spend my life here. Watching the waves and the birds is calming, soothes me. I’ve always had a fascination with birds. They just fly so easily, so freely without a care in the world.

Tonight was different. For some reason i can’t stop overthinking. I can’t calm myself down. I feel the temperature rising all over my body. What’s happening? I look down at my hands and i swear i can see smoke around them, or is the tears that are compromising my vision?

Before i figure out what’s happening, i burst into flames. It doesn’t hurt me. This fire consumes me but doesn’t hurt me. I slowly lift my hand up, i can see the outline of my hand perfectly fine, but i can also see right through it, and that’s when i see her.

She doesn’t look afraid, or angry anymore. She looks calm and unbothered. She starts walking towards me and I’m afraid. I’m afraid of hurting her, physically and emotionally again. I slowly back away. I back away so much my feet touch some water and that’s when i feel pain. I feel this burning sensation, ironic, right?

As move away from water, i look up and see her standing right in front of me. She was drenched in water from head to toe, make up smeared and running down her cheeks, yet she still looked so beautiful. Without knowing i become calm and the flames burn out.

“I love you,” she whispered towards me. I immediately think i misheard, it’s the first time she has said it to me. I open my mouth to ask her what she said, but the words don’t seem to come out.

“I love you,” she says again, this time louder than before,” i realized i did as soon as you stormed off. I don’t know what i would do without you. My world would be so dark, i don’t want my world to be dark again. I knew my trust issues would get in the middle of our relationship sooner or later, but i’m trying to work through it. I’ve been hurt so much in the past, i just-it’s hard for me to trust again.”

I couldn’t contain myself any longer. Seeing her so fragile, so small made my heart ache. I couldn’t bear to see her unhappy. I stopped paying attention to what she was saying, i pulled her close to me, grabbed her face and kissed her.

It wasn’t a normal kiss. I gave her all my passion, all my trust and  my love. She did the same. We kissed for what seemed like forever. “Wow,” we both whispered at the end of the kiss. We stared into each other’s eyes, i broke the silence “I love you more than you could ever imagine. There are no words for how you make me feel. I thought i would never feel this way about anyone, but with you it’s so easy to be myself. As long as you let me i will try to show you that you mean the world to me.”

We kissed once more and i felt tears running down our cheeks. As we broke apart from the kiss i wiped her tears away as she did mine. She held my hand and we started walking along the shore.

“How long have you known you could, you know, literally burst into flames,”she giggled. I had completely forgotten about that. “I found out today, actually,” i said while nervously rubbing the back of my neck with my free hand.

[adriithewriter-blog]

Drifting Apart

#2

Sunday February 26, 2017

She’s my best friend. More that even, she’s like the twin sister I never had. We’re so similar, yet so different. She’s a morning person, I’m a night owl. She likes the light of the day, the rays of the sun. I refer to stay in the dark or stay in and not really do much. She can easily start a conversation about anything and everything with anyone, a close friend, or even a stranger. I can’t, I’m too self-conscious, too shy to even say a word, I have a fear of sounding dumb or weird. But her, she doesn’t care. But deep down she carries a burden, a burden of sadness out of her control. She may not show it, but I know it’s there. I know she tends to focus on others, what they have to say, what they want just so that she doesn’t have to face her own demons. But when she does face these demons, it feels like the end of the world. Getting over that feeling of the world ending doesn’t go away by itself. How could it, if she doesn’t even acknowledge it? To her it’s like “Yeah that happened to me, let me just bury it and ignore the feeling, let me just say I’m okay whenever someone asks”. But I know her, I know sometimes she’s not okay. All that is different now. She’s happy. She has found a person that makes life worth living every moment. She’s in love and he loves her. He loves her as she is and isn’t afraid to show it. Yeah, sometimes they argue and sometimes the arguments are brutal. But he still stays. He hasn't left her. I don’t think he’ll leave her anytime soon. They’re building a life together, and honestly I’m happy for them. I’m rooting for their relationship to last. Although I haven’t seen her in a very long time, I know she’s happy. I miss her, I do, but she’s happy. I’m happy she’s happy. She’s my sister and I wouldn’t wish anything but happiness and joy to her and to him as well. I’m jealous he gets to spend so much time with her. Life’s just too complicated for her and I to hang out like before. We’re growing up. We’re at that stage in life where we have to start making a living, where we have to settle down and build a future. She’s at that stage in her life. Maybe in time things will get not all the way back to normal, but maybe her and I will get to see each other soon. In the meantime, I wish her all the best and I want her to know I miss her, and I love her very much.

[adriithewriter-blog]

Love Yourself First

#1

Thursday January 26, 2017

Did we rush into this? Were we just two lonely people who wanted to love and to be loved? Are we even meant to be together? Do opposites really attract? I’ve come to realize that we’re too different, our attraction towards each other isn't strong enough, it’s one sided. We got together before completely knowing each other. It was a mistake that happened to fast. If we had waited longer for this relationship there might have been a different outcome, or maybe not. Maybe it was my mistake. Maybe I was just too lonely and just needed someone there, but I shouldn't have gotten into this relationship. I wasn't ready. I don't know if i'll ever be ready. I need to love myself, to be okay with my life, to see myself and my actions in a different perspective before I jump into a relationship, before I involve someone else into my sad life. I say sad not because that's how I feel but because I have nothing to show for the past couple months or even years. I haven't accomplished anything, I'm still stuck working at the same shitty restaurant, I'm still not happy with where my life is going so far and I'm not happy with myself. In my eyes I'm not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not athletic enough, not happy enough, I'm just not enough. I have too many issues to impose onto someone else, maybe that person is willing to face these issues with me, but I can't let someone take on this pressure if I can't even handle it myself. I can't let myself bring someone down with my faults and insecurities. I need to work on these on my own. I can't really depend on someone to help me, because I know it won't work in the end. I have to figure it out on my own. Most people say you need someone to help you surpass whatever brings you down. But what if sometimes you don't? What if the answer lies within ourselves and that person can't help us find it? What if we just need time alone enjoying life and doing things we love for just ourselves? Alone we learn to break ourselves, and alone we should be able to learn how to rebuild ourselves without help, to build a better version of ourselves. Maybe alone we can learn to love ourselves.