I had an epiphany today, regarding how the training program relates to my life. The time that works best for me to fit in runs is right after work. I'm the epitome of not a morning person, so trying to wake up and run pre-work never pans out (I choose the snooze button every time), and if I try to go later in the evening after I've settled at home I generally don't go. If, however, I go straight from the office, I find it works best. The problem though, is that my job is stressful. We're talking wanting-to-punch-holes-in-things stressful. In the name of being professional, and wanting to stay employed, I hold my frustration in. Then when I get to the gym my instinct is to go all out, balls-to-the-wall, and run til I drop. Which is what I did, for years. The gym was my way of dealing with pent up frustration, aggression, stress, and the like. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it does prevent progress when training for distance.
See, when distance training, the body needs time to get stronger. It needs to build gradually so that your lungs, bones, muscles, heart, and systems in general, have time to learn to work at increased capacity. To build up the body, sometimes you have to slow down. I've been struggling with the training program here in the early weeks because it tells me to run 60 seconds and then walk 90. I can run more than 60 seconds...a lot more. But I can't run 13 miles. The temptation, I find, is to go out there, sprint until I'm dying, and be done. But that's not going to get me to where I need to go. Instead I have to force myself to slow down, to not push to maximum capacity at all times, but rather to go steady and give my body time to catch up. Already on week 3 I find the 2 miles easier than at first, because on some of the runs I cheated. I ran longer than 60 seconds at a stretch, but by the end of my run I was bright red, gasping for air, searching for my inhaler, and generally looking and feeling like death. Slowing down feels like cheating because I can push my body harder, but I would never last. And as the mileage increases, I would hit a wall physically, and eventually give up.
I ran today after work and it wasn't until just a few minutes ago, as I was thinking about tomorrow's work day, that it really hit me: I'm living my life the way that I used to approach running - balls-to-the-wall, all out sprinting until I feel like I'm going to pass out, and then I curl up and quit. And the thing is, that while in certain situations (deadlines, etc), this tactic is needed, just like in running there are times that sprinting is what's called for, it's not a long-term recipe for success. I'm pushing myself too hard, for too long, and getting exhausted. I'm burning myself out in life, and the race isn't even close to over.
I haven't fully thought about how this is going to apply to my life, or what changes I can make, but I know that the changes need to be there. Somehow I need to find a way to slow down, to build myself up over time, to take "rest days", and to not burn out. Because the race of life is long, and sprinting isn't going to get me to the end, and it certainly won't get me there happy and healthy.
