:33 < ask a romantic cat troll

[advicecatnip]

:33 < aw, kitty!

:33 < *the purroud lioness purrlitely but loudly applauds your good furtune!*

:33 < thats wonderfurl!

:33 < i am so happy to hear it, and i wish you the bestest of luck!!!

:33 < may you and all my kitties have a wonderfurl and happy mew sw33p!

[advicecatnip]

:33 < oooh, sounds like a pawsible recipurrocated crush!

:33 < of claws, it sounds like a pawsible squish too

:33 < or a really nice purrson

:33 < if i were you i would talk to him and find out, since thats the best way to try to figure out if he likes you or not

:33 < be purroactive and talk to him!

:33 < good luck <33

[advicecatnip]

:33 < ouch...

:33 < i cannot tell you why they did that nor can i really offur much, but i can sumpurrthize :((

:33 < i can only imagine how much that must hurt, and i hope you have b33n taking care of yourself

:33 < when a furiendship ends suddenly, it can strike the pump biscuit as hard as breaking up or the abandonment of a lusus; relationships aren’t just romantic, you know, and having that bond suddenly sefured is a shock to the spirit

:33 < be extra tender with yourself, don’t try to play the blame game and assume you clawsed this somehow, and treat yourself kindly

:33 < also, your furiend may come back or they may not, unfurtunately the future is usually uncertain (except maybe to s33rs, but i am just a rogue myself) but whatefur happens, you will be okay

:33 < i hope fur the best fur you, kitty <33

[advicecatnip]

:33 < well i fur one am purroud of you fur standing up fur yourself, even though thats a really sad and scary situation

:33 < as time goes on things will be easier, though it might not always f33l like that

:33 < and, one thing that nobody s33ms to efur mention is that even when you know someone is bad fur you, it’s natural to miss them or fur things not to be as purrfect as you might have thought

:33 < it hurts to f33l like you have b33n used, and that’s a natural thing to grieve

:33 < it’s scary to think someone wishes you harm, and that’s a natural thing to fear

:33 < it’s sad to think you may have trusted someone who ultimately wasn’t the kind of purrson you deserve to be around, and that’s a natural thing to be upset about

:33 < but as time goes on, it does get easier

:33 < and if people want to be petty and small and just be jerkfaces, that’s their choice just as it’s your choice to not take it anymore

:33 < i am sorry you have b33n put in this pawsition, but k33p strong, and you are going to be okay

:33 < here’s hoping the best fur you, and again, i am furry purroud of you <33

[advicecatnip]

:33 < oh no, i am so sorry!

:33 < *the sympurrthetic feline brings over a tasty fish to help anon f33l a little happier*

:33 < you didn’t do anything wrong

:33 < this is not your fault

:33 < your crush furiend whatefur was really mean to do that and she should nefur have used you like that

:33 < your f33lings are impurrtant but she s33ms to have ignored that and instead used you fur her own purrposes without being honest and giving you a choice

:33 < under those furcumstances i think you are totally within your rights to not associate with her!

:33 < either fur a little while or fur as long as you choose, no matter how long that f33ls like it should be

:33 < maybe you’ll be able to be furiends with her later, but if not, she really kind of has only herself to blame, you know?

:33 < i am so sorry you’ve had to endure this, kitty, but i hope things will look up fur you soon <33

[advicecatnip]

:33 < not necessarily

:33 < furst of all, there are a lot of kinds of love, both the way humans use the word and how trolls do

:33 < second, if you were meowrails befur dating, you already purrobably have a level of intimacy and trust that really helps a flushed relationship along!

:33 < *the adorable and observant kitten has noticed that humans tend to have a lot more ofurlap betw33n matesprits and meowrails than trolls do already, so this purrobably makes this even more common fur humans*

:33 < but on the other hand, it is always impurrtant to be aware that it is pawsible to have idolized a furiend or romanticized them when you’re not in a flushed quadrant, so that when you do get together as matesprits you might not be s33ing purrfectly clearly

:33 < this is true almost all of the times in relationships

:33 < people sometimes want to rush the “i am flushed fur you” or “i love you” or “i want to be with you furever” when it is early in the relationship when really it is wiser to go slowly and make sure you’re f33ling what you think you’re f33ling

:33 < but is it too early to have strong f33lings fur someone you’ve b33n in a variety of emotional relationships with befur, and are now dating in a concupiscent quadrant?

:33 < no, i wouldn’t say it’s too early to be pawsible, just be carefurl, okay?

:33 < good luck to you both <33

[advicecatnip]

:33 < of claws!

:33 < the ending of one thing has nefur meant the ending of efurrything!

:33 < i will be helping kitties fur as long as they s33m to need help

:33 < not to worry, this kitten isn’t going anywhere <33

[advicecatnip]

:33 < i am always glad to be helpfurl <33

:33 < we’re all going to be okay 

[advicecatnip]

:33 < it has b33n my honor and my purrleasure to be able to help, and i am really touched <33

:33 < *the adorable kitty notes the purresence of a mewsterious furth wall, and she paws at it, purrobably batting at a pesky red dot!*

:33 < all things end, or if they do not end, they do change

:33 < even really good things

:33 < but ending and changing are not the same thing as going away

:33 < efurrything you have gained, efurry bit of growth you have expurrienced, none of that is going away either

:33 < the furiends you have made can be kept, the memeowries can endure

:33 < but, there is one other thing, one furry impurrtant thing i have learned from my time in the game and i am going to let you in on a secret, okay?

:33 < sometimes an ending isn’t an ending

:33 < sometimes, you don’t die, you just reach god tier

:33 < are there any guarant33s?

:33 < no, of claws not, but even if we don’t know what the future will bring, we can k33p hope and we can do our best to purreserve the things that are purrecious to us

:33 < this includes our commewnities, our furiendships, our creative purrsuits, and our shared interests

:33 < a thing may end but the ripples it casts can go on furever

:33 < it is up to us to decide what to do

:33 < fur instance, i don’t know about you but i intend to k33p being here for my kitties fur the rest of the furs33able future

:33 < and if you have creative purrojects or something in the works, there’s no time limit on those!

:33 < yes, it can be scary when something impurrtant to you ends or changes, beclaws you f33l like something that was impurrtant to your life won’t be there fur you any longer, but that isn’t true

:33 < you are going to be okay, we are all going to be okay

:33 < we’re just finishing out the ride together, and then we’ll s33 what happens next

:33 < i love you, kitty, and all my other kitties

:33 < it has b33n a wonderfurl ride so fur, with all the ups and downs and efurrything else, let’s s33 how it finishes together, okay? <33

[advicecatnip]

:33 < i am going to go ahead and say you should not

and i am going to agree!

:33 < oh thank goodness aradia, you can help me with this kitty

no problem!

now anon i realize it may seem really scary to try to live a life that does not have your friend in it

and maybe it feels like someone who was really important to you felt like they couldnt handle life so maybe they had the right idea

especially when you have the people who are supposed to be protecting you and taking care of you who are treating you poorly instead and acting very unlususlike

and sometimes that is an understandable thing to think about getting out any way you can but its really not a good idea to act on!

you see someday you will have lots of time to be dead

all of it in fact because very few of us come back from being dead and those of us who do only get to under some pretty special circumstances

but right now you are alive and that means you have certain opportunities and possibilities that will not be available to you after you die

possibilities that can happen after a while like living on your own with a roommate or a matesprit or even just a dozen flowerpots and a collection of really neat rocks

:33 < and cats!

and possibly any kind of animal yes

and without having to include cruel people in your life anymore

or possibilities that can happen tomorrow like that show you wanted to watch or those donuts with the really tasty filling or just being able to talk to a friend about something that isnt important in the grand scheme of things but it special to you two together

:33 < while aradia raises some furry good points i f33l it might also be worthwile to mention that it is okay to admit that you are hurt by these things

:33 < it is okay to admit that you want the hurt to stop

:33 < that is a natural f33ling, nobody likes emotional pain like this!

oh definitely and it is healthy and natural to let yourself experience grief when you lose someone or when you are suffering from a toxic family situation

and if you do not let yourself grieve then unfortunately you will just kind of be stuck in trying to resist that grief and it will eat up all your time and energy and enjoyment of life

:33 < we are both furry sorry fur your loss, kitty, and we wish we could do more to help, but we do encourage you to stay with the living, beclaws things are going to impurrove.

:33 < talking to a school therapist or a doctor could be really helpfurl, but if not there are crisis hotlines and online chats dedicated to talking about your f33lings, and hopefurly those will at least help you expurress your grief in a healthy way

:33 < we wish you good luck and healing, kitty <33

[advicecatnip]

:33 < thats an unusual purredicament, but not the most uncommon

:33 < i suppawse if you want to help him get with his crush, you should purrobably give him your suppurrt and your furry best advice

:33 < maybe s33ing him get with them will help you mewve on?

:33 < but, at the end of the night, whether a purrson is someone we have f33lings fur or whether we just clawnsider them good furiends, all we can really do is ch33r on the ones we care about

:33 < does anyone else have anything to add or suggest fur this kitty?

[advicecatnip]

:33 < there isn’t any easy advice to give you, kitty, but i will try my best

:33 < on the one paw, we live (or at least s33m to exist) in a unifurse with endless pawsibility

:33 < even two people on diffurent clawntinents could, pawsibly, be able to get together and have their happy ending, if circumstances and hard work purrmit it

:33 < howefur, it’s still a huge long shot, and really not a great thing to bank on when you’re not in a quadrant with the purrson yet

:33 < so, i wouldn’t call it impawsible, but...maybe impurrobable?

:33 < at least, in theory

:33 < but we’re not dealing with theories here; this is your actual purroblem, and you purrobably n33d something more solid than theory, right?

:33 < so, here are this kitten’s thoughts:

:33 < crushes can be as wonderfurl as they can be horrible, great things can com from them but a lot of hurt can too

:33 < sometimes i think the diffurence betw33n the bad ones and the good is in how you handle them

:33 < if i were in your pawsition, the advice i would give myself is to talk to the crush

:33 < furst, to s33 if there is even pawtential fur furiendship, and then to s33 if there is any chemistry

:33 < sometimes, as you get to know someone, you find that they don’t quite match up to the image of them that you had in your think pan, you know? 

:33 < sometimes you find out that the purrson you’re horns ofur h33ls fur doesn’t like to roleplay or doesn’t like kitties or some other kind of dealbreaker

:33 < or there might be a significant diffurence in your pawlitical leanings or you might just not mesh well

:33 < mewving along, there has nefur b33n a crush that couldn’t be gotten ofur

:33 < no matter how d33ply you are crushing on someone, it’s pawsible to get ofur it and ofur them, though it can take work and time and a lot of patience and furgiveness

:33 < but it can still be done! 

:33 < and, you will almost undoubtedly have other crushes in your life

:33 < more impurrtantly, you will have other relationships in your life

:33 < crushes are big and ofurwhelming, but as long as you are alive there is always the pawtential that the next crush may turn into a relationship, and that one could be furfilling in ways that a crush could nefur be

:33 < so, if this crush works out? 

:33 < that’d be wonderfurl!

:33 < if it doesn’t?

:33 < it’s not the end of paradox space, and it’s certainly not the end of your chances to have a healthy, lifelong, furfilling quadrant with somebody who is absolutely pawsome

:33 < i hope this helps, kitty, but more than that, i wish you only the best of luck with whatefur happens <33

[advicecatnip]

:33 < from what this kitty knows of human psychology and thinkpanology, what you are expurriencing is not furry unusual at all, as fur as abusive lusii go

:33 < think about it, you have spent most or all of your life with this purrson who you love and have relied upawn, who is suppawsed to love and purrotect and raise you into a safe and functional adult, right?

:33 < the fact that your lusus hasn’t lived up to that and is actively detrimental to your health and well-being doesn’t necessarily mean you stop loving them

:33 < neither does it mean that some purrt of you is afuraid about what will happen if you call the authorities on her or leave when you are able

:33 < i mean, you purrobably have some part of you, conscious or otherwise, that is afuraid that suddenly you will be without what little suppurrt she offurs and somehow be even worse off

:33 < but the system isn’t there to make you worse off, kitty

:33 < the system is there to try to k33p people like your mother from hurting people like you

:33 < now, sometimes the system works better than others but that’s purrobably a discussion fur another time

:33 < kitten, you don’t deserve to be treated this way

:33 < nobody does, but spurrcifically, you don’t

:33 < and it’s not wrong of you to love your mother-lusus if that’s how you f33l even after efurrything but that doesn’t give her license to treat you like this!

:33 < calling child purrotective furvices or talking to a school pouncellor is scary, and it might be the best thing fur you, but it is also an intensely purrsonal decision and only you can decide what you will do

:33 < truthfurly, i side with your furriends and i think you should repurrt it and try to get out of there

:33 < maybe the authorities would even get your mom some help on how not to be horrible (while k33ping you at a safe distance from her)

:33 < but no matter what you choose, i wish you only the best, and i will be rooting fur you

[advicecatnip]

:33 < happy holidays efurryone!

:33 < whatefur you celebrate and wherefur you are, happy holidays and a wonderfurl mew sweep to you all! <33

[advicecatnip]

:33 < oh kitty, i’m sorry :((

:33 < while i agr33, it does s33m a little early fur her to go saying she’s in flush or love or whatefur, that’s neither here nor there in refurence to your purroblem

:33 < whether she stays with this guy or not, you’re still going to have the f33lings, and that’s where the trouble is coming from

:33 < the simplest answer is to mewve on, but we both know that’s not that easy

:33 < you’re clearly furry close to her, she is clearly an impurrtant furiend and you know her better than this kitten, but i would encourage you to ask yourself, would it help you get ofur her to tell her about your crush and that you’re trying to get past it?

:33 < fur a meowrail you’re flushed fur, that would be my furst bit of advice, but i don’t know if that would be appropurriate fur you and fur her

:33 < i will say, howefur, that you should furgive yourself fur having mixed f33lings about her new beau

:33 < you can be happy fur her and also f33l other things, that’s neither bad nor unnatural

:33 < it’s okay to have f33lings that are complex and mixed; maybe not fun exactly, but still okay

:33 < it will take time and purrsonal growth to get through this, but you will

:33 < accepting that there will be a time when you realize that you’re furiends but you don’t f33l so sad when you think about not being with her, that might be a big help in the long run

:33 < i wish i had better advice fur you, something more conclusive or something more immediate, but i am going to wish you lots of luck <33

:33 < any of you other kitties have anything to add?

[advicecatnip]

:33 < that’s not an easy question at all, unfurtunately

:33 < s33, there’s lots of ways to stop liking someone, and none of them will work fur certain on any purrticular purrson

:33 < maybe time will do it, you grow out of your crush or even your flush (or whatefur quadrant it happens to be)

:33 < maybe finding someone else will get you back on your f33t

:33 < or maybe the purrson you like will accidentally (or on purrpose) hurt you and you’ll suddenly realize you don’t f33l like you did--whether or not you wanted to lose those f33lings

:33 < sometimes your crush will turn out to be diffurent than you imagined, and that spoils things fur you

:33 < sometimes you just grow out of wanting the purrson that your crush is or who they have become

:33 < these things happen, but unfurtunately, it’s really diffurcult to furce them.

:33 < if you’re trying to get ofur someone who you used to be with, reminding yourself that you’ll f33l happy and complete and whole after you’ve done some healing may help

:33 < if, like some of us kitties, you’re trying to get ofur f33lings fur someone who just can’t recipurrocate, then focusing on your furiendship may be helpfurl

:33 < whatefur clawsed you to ask this, i wish you all of the luck <33

:33 < hey, any of you other kitties have any suggestions?

[advicecatnip]

((ooc edit: It has been brought to my attention that everything after the less-than symbol has been eaten for mobile users. Sorry about that! The actual respawnses should be visible for non-mobile users))

:33 < um, i am not sure?

:33 < i am purretty sure that i have b33n using the half-diamond symbol too, purrhaps tumblr is making it look weird fur some reason?