[reallyndacarter]

It's June 1. It's time.

Go be gay.

[fullyerecteggplant]

[horsefriend]

[putnamspuppeteer]

For those who don't know: Ikumi Nakamura is the woman who was senior artist on Bayonetta, and designed the titular character along with Hideki Kamiya. Their greatest moment of bonding was over their insistence that Bayonetta keep her glasses on at all times. Nakamura cannot go to horny jail. She is the warden.

[brookietf]

[catgirlforeskin]

Happy pride month to her and her exclusively

[seraphiminn]

she made a comic about the experience on twitter

[catboybiologist]

happy pride

[ikindamaybewanthertositonmyface]

An Update from back in October I'm surprised wasn't added to this post. lol

[scribefindegil]

I was in a long-term relationship that fell apart partially because I was ace and my partner was very much not, and every time we looked for relationship help we got told that I was the problem. Not just that a significant mismatch in sexual desire could be a problem in a relationship, but that it was My Fault, Specifically, for not being willing to suck it up and have a bunch of sex I didn't want. To my ex's credit, he cared about consent much more than any of the professionals we talked to and refused to pressure me even when my (lesbian, billed as progressive and pro-LGBT) therapist was actively telling him to.

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Sometimes breaking up is necessary, and that's what ended up happening with us because there were other reasons we worked better as friends, but there *should* be better frameworks for discussing what people want and need that don't automatically assume that one partner's feelings are automatically more important or valuable than the other's.

[geese-in-flight]

I was dating someone who wanted to be accommodating and work with me to figure things out but lacked the EQ to do so in any effective way. It was my first relationship and I was still figuring out what being ace meant for me. It’s been eight or nine years, but I still remember very clearly the moment I realized we’d been approaching the entire discussion as if my orientation was the problem to be solved, and that it would be equally as valid to say that hers was.

She was significantly less impressed with this revelation than I was, but I tried to hold on to it ever since (although obviously the real problem wasn’t either one of us, but the mismatch and the lack of tools to deal with it). I think it’s super important to remember that we aren’t the ones in the wrong while our theoretical partners are the ones in the right. I was surprised by how much I’d internalized the assumption and I don’t think I’m the only one.

[ineffectualdemon]

The other frustrating aspect of this is allo relationships will often have periods of time where libido does not match (I'm not derailing and this will swing back to asexual people)

Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work

There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest

And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness

An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.

I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier

And asexual people would stop getting shit for being themselves.

[scribefindegil]

Yeah, exactly! There are many different forms of intimacy, physical and emotional, and we need to stop viewing non-sexual forms of intimacy as inherently lesser.

And also you're right that while this post is specifically about the asexual experience, these problems affect everyone; desire gaps, whether temporary/circumstantial or ongoing, affect many if not most long-term relationships. And the solution needs to reaffirm bodily autonomy and compassion for everyone, not just carve out a specific exception for ace people. Too frequently I see people and institutions that, even when they're attempting to be affirming, essentially say "Well this is what a committed relationship Needs To Look Like . . . unless you already id as ace I guess" instead of allowing their general idea of what relationships can look like to expand and become less prescriptive.

No one should be pressured into sex they don't want. This should be a basic and non-negotiable tenet of feminism. But it goes out the window as soon as it's in the context of a committed relationship that isn't otherwise abusive.

[catboypvnkie]

I love carbs I love pasta and bread and potatoes what would like Be without carbs

[catboypvnkie]

where would we Be without her.

[maryhadalittlelambandsodidyuri]

[wackpedion]

poor guy

[cilantrhoes]

[aeonsnumber1fan]

baby you light up my world like nobody else.. the way that you'd li[ your hair got my overwhelmed.... baby you light up my world like nobody else... you don't knooooow.... that's what makes you beautiful l ......

i need to hunt you for sport

[danshee]

“BUT THAT’S NOT THEM!!!!”

HOW can you say that?!?!?! HOW can you sit there and watch Asa say “scrumptious” and “tickety-boo,” bring out the hot cocoa, and then watch Anthony absolutely GEEK OUT over the universe and point out the NIGHTINGALE while they hold hands under the night sky — and then look me dead in the eyes and tell me that’s not them?!?!?!

Like I’m sorry but that is literally their ESSENCE reincarnated into human form. Same souls. Same love. Same ridiculous little mannerisms. They found each other AGAIN. What more do you WANT FROM ME!!!!!!!!

[empireofthesin]

Gobsmacked whenever people say it’s just some random people with their faces. Every single things said it’s them.

[nikki-rook]

I do have a question

[swiftrunnerfelidae]

"Kill your local sex offender!" Oh, you mean the guy who went streaking at his local college football game on a dare one time? That's a sex crime.

"No, I mean-"

Oh, maybe the woman who had to pee in a public park that only had pay toilets, so she tried to hide behind the bushes but got caught? Public urination is a sex crime.

"What? No, I mean-"

Oh, maybe you mean the homeless guy who had to strip down to get his clothes in the laundromat to clean them for the first time in weeks? He tried being subtle, but someone called the cops on him, and now he's on the sex offender registry for public nudity.

"Rapists and pedophiles! Kill rapists and pedophiles!"

Oh, like the trans woman who got called a pedophile groomer for helping a trans kid escape her abusive parents?

Or maybe the black man who got labeled a rapist because he came on to another man's wife, and he decided to get back at him by charging him with rape?

How about the 17 year olds who were fooling around, fully consensually, in one of their bedrooms? That's still technically underage sex and thus rape of a minor.

Oh, or maybe you're talking about the doctor who performed genital reconstructive surgery in a state that just voted to get that classified as rape?

People will do everything they can to get you convinced rape and pedophilia are the worst crimes possible, then accuse whoever they like the least of being either a rapist, a pedophile, or both, counting on you turning on them just for being accused of the crime.

"Oh, so you're saying you don't want to kill a serial rapist?"

That's exactly what I'm goddamn saying.

Once we decide a group is okay to kill, the government will do everything they can to convince you that their political enemies are either part of that group, or just as bad as that group, to get you to kill their enemies for them.

The only way out is to accept every life as worth saving.

[razielim]

@the-overanalyzer — #human rights don't disappear when someone does something despicable #I know that's an uncomfortable position to defend sometimes but you just have to suck it up

yeah!

you're allowed to FEEL like you want to kill rapists (esp your own if such a misfortune has befallen you). you're even allowed to WANT and WISH for their deaths. that's all normal natural and dare i say... healthy???

it's perfectly sensible to feel all that rage and bloodlust as we grieve the loss of our autonomy, even if it was brief, or if we grieve the fact that this happens to others, or the prevalence of this crime, etc. whatever the reason you want that person dead, you're certainly entitled to that mental state

all of those feelings are yours, and you are allowed to feel them as long as it takes you to feel them

BUT. that doesn't make those feelings justice. that doesn't make that rage and pain the right thing to base policy on. policy that crushes human rights is policy that crushes humans, both the ones you hate and the ones you love

[aunt-of-dragons]

It reminds me of the Sir Terry Prachett quote "If you did it for a good reason, you'd do it for a bad one. You couldn't say 'We're the good guys' and do bad-guy things."

[shetheyslain]

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

[kairithemang0-fm]

"they didn't get a happy ending" BUT THE WORLD WAS HAPPY THE WORLDDDDD THE WORLD THEY CHOSE THE WORLD THEY CHOSE THE PEOPLE WHO THEY GREW TO CARE ABOUT AND THE HUMANITY THEY'VE WATCHED GROWWWWWWWWW

maybe somewhere in the middle of nothingness they're there and watching two men who look like themselves fall in love

[seldomletfromthishellishassault]

"i love being outside at night, it's so peaceful"

me, outside at night, the moment our headphones die

[unyieldingsilence]

‎ ‎

‎ ‎

[seldomletfromthishellishassault]

did anyone hear that

[seldomletfromthishellishassault]

i think there's something out here

[unyieldingsilence]

‎ ‎

‎ ‎

[seldomletfromthishellishassault]

i'm scared. is anyone there?

[unyieldingsilence]

‎ ‎

‎ ‎

[seldomletfromthishellishassault]

help

[evilfuckignskeleton]

[seldomletfromthishellishassault]

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

[aeonsnumber1fan]

all this "they didnt kiss" talk is making me even more anti kiss than i already was. i never wanted them to kiss. in fact i hate kissing. season 2 crossed the line and i hope crowley and aziraphale know i never want their lips touching ever again.

[itsghostyx]

ARE YALL SEEING WHAT IM SEEING, LOOK AT HER‼️

[ramen-dog-o7]

As an aroace girly, I think people are placing too much importance on a kiss. It’s not needed when their relationship and bond does all the talking.