What is the thing that I am looking for in myself but have not found yet?
Did I look for something in myself which I don't know? Can we look for something which we don't know? If we know something, it means that it exists; unawareness of something means its non-existence, sounds like a philosophical debate.
I always feel like I am looking for something no one could find in me. When people tell me things like "oh you are smart, beautiful, hardworking, elegant, mature..." I am aware of those things. Give me something new. Why am I waiting for people to notice these things for me? I thought maybe a therapist could know the deep inside of me, but he said all the diagnostics that I am aware of, like I know that I am afraid of losing my lover from a past trauma. I can analyze my behaviors and know their causes and consequences. I do observe my actions not to harm myself or to make myself behave better (not at all) but to catch a new thing which I don't know about the "me." Maybe I need more adventures where I get out of my comfort zone, like I put myself in new hard situations and see how I would react.
that’s not suppose to be the end of this post but my brain and my hand muscles are overwhelmed from thinking today…..