I havenât been a teenager in over a decade. Mind has yet to change on the subject.
At 14, I told my guidance counselor that I didnât want kids. He chuckled, patted me on the back, and informed me that when I got a little older, and I was with a guy, I would change my mind.
At 16, my grandmother nearly had a heart attack because of her three granddaughters, myself and the youngest agreed we didnât want to uave babies. Ever.
At 17, my father asked about my life plan. I told him: graduate high school, get my college degree, do some traveling and writing, go for this particular job I wanted, retired around X age, take month-long vacations to places I wanted to spend time in, etc. He asked, âWhat about a husband? Children? Normal things a girl is supposed to think about?â My response- a husband if a man came along that could share an adventure with me, kids were a No Go. He assured me I would âgrow upâ qnd change my mind.
At 19, I shocked my former babysitter who had known me since I was a toddler, when I confirmed the rumour sheâd heard that I didnât want kids. She patted my momâs arm and reassured her in a sweet voice that, âDonât worry, girls say a lot of silly things before they meet the right fella, and wise up. Sheâll give you grand babiesâ
At 22, I was talking to a college professor who chuckled at my making a comment about how, âthank goodness Iâm never going to have to worry about juggling child rearing eith marriage, work, and lifeâ, then she realized I was serious. She asked if I was alright, thinking I could-not (not didnât-want) kids. I told her the truth, could have but didnât want to. She was aghast, then told me that Iâd change my mind when my husband wanted some kids.
Well, Iâm over 30, still have absolutely no desire to give birth, adopt, raise, or have much of anything to do with children. I donât hate children, I donât think people who have them are crazy (more power to you, to create and/or care for another person), and I donât think itâs impossible to have a life AND have children. I recognized at an early age that I donât have that biological imperative to procreate, I donât have the patience to deal with children (something that has shown very little improvement as Iâve gotten older, in fact it might be getting worse), and I donât feel my life is incomplete without creating another life- I am good with living my own and doing my best to enrich the lives of those I care about (I try my best to be a good friend, to be a good sister, good daughter, good pet-owner, and a good person in general).
So please, please stop telling girls (or really kids at all, but especially girls) that they will change their minds. Please donât tell them that meeting âthe right guyâ will make them suddenly feel broody, that their potential future husbandâs desire to have children will make her reconsider and see things his way. For one, a couple should have had that conversation and decided if it was a deal breaker, LONG before they got hitched. For another, itâs her body that gets to grow and birth another human being- her husbandâs desire to be a father doesnât supercede her autonomy.
Please, let girls make their own choices? Girls are forced to mature too fast as it is and are bombarded from all sides with SHOULD (you SHOULD be a size 2, you SHOULD wear this dress, you SHOULD have a boyfriend to be a normal teen, you SHOULD always smile), they donât need another judgement from someone who hasnât walked a mile in their particular shoes. Respect teenage girls and their ability to look at the world, themselves, their situation, and their future, and make an important choice.
*gets off soap box, slides it back under the sofa, lets out a sigh*
Thanks for attending my TED talk. G'night.
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