“You shouldn’t keep this secret any longer Y/N he needs to know.”
“He doesn’t need to know anything Wonwoo he’s living a perfect live with his kid and girlfriend, I don’t want to be the one to screw it up for him.”
“It’s not for you Y/N! It’s for your son! Doesn’t he ask where or who is dad is.”
“He does…”
“Then please just do this for him okay? Come over tomorrow night for dinner. I’ll make sure Mingyu is there.”
~
My hands shook as I held my son close to me. Partially because of the cold but also because of the anxiety that refused to go away.
As we got closer to the house, my heart rate sped up to the point where I could hear it in my ears.
“Mommy? Where are we?”
“We’re at uncle Wonwoos house remember?”
I stared at the door, contemplating if I should stay or not. Before I could even ring the doorbell, the door opened.
“Hey Y/N! Glad you could make it!”
“Yeah..”
“He’s not here right now.. relax”
“Okay okay.”
The night went well. We talked and laughed just like the old days where I was still close to all of you. I was ready to tell you, in fact, I couldn’t wait to tell you.
The sound of the door opening and closing caught everyone’s attention. It was time.
“Yeah I know baby I’ll be there later tonight to see you both okay? Love you, bye”
You’re still with her, of course. It’s okay.
“Guys why are there baby shoes by the door- Y/N”
I stood up, suddenly feeling uncomfortable under your gaze.
“H-hi Mingyu, how’ve you been?”
“That’s none of your business, you left me”
“You didn’t love me anymore.”
You kept quiet, you knew it was true. Now I had the floor, no interruptions.
“I waited for you for so long. I wanted you to at least try to make it work but after that day you were gone and you were officially hers, but it was ok though she needed you, but so did I Gyu.”
“What are you talking about?”
“That day, we both had something to tell each other remember? I never got to tell you my news. I was 3 months pregnant.”
Why won’t you say anything? Please say something.
“So do you think telling me now will make a difference?”
It was my turn to be silenced. He had the floor now.
“I have too much on my plate and there’s no room for you or your kid.”
“Mingyu Shut the hell up, he’s your kid too you know! And I never expected you to want anything to do with us, okay? We’re doing just fine without you. Wonwoo just thought it’d be right to tell you.”
No matter how strong I seemed, I was breaking inside, not just for myself, but for my son who’s father wanted nothing to do with him.
“You know how I always said that you’d be the perfect dad? I take that shit back.”
“Get out”
“Gladly”
I carried my sleeping son and packed all my belongings in my bag.
“If sometime down the line, something goes wrong and everything falls out of place, just know that I’m long gone.”
With that, I left with the intention of never returning.
i PERSONALLY would like to FALL IN LOVE please!!!!!! and have the SAME PERSON fall in love with me BACK!!!!!!! could i get some MUTUAL AFFECTION out here!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn. Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance your personality.
FEBRUARY BABY
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match.
MARCH BABY
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others. If you repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your new love in 8 days.
APRIL BABY
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confidant. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that’s caught your eye will introduce themselves and you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days.
MAY BABY
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High-spirited. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak too much in the next 4 days.
JUNE BABY
You’ve got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. a wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you’ve got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes.
JULY BABY
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 days
AUGUST BABY
Outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. No self-control. Kind hearted. Self-confident. Loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. Easy to get along with and talk to. Has an “every thing’s peachy” attitude. Likes talking and singing. Loves music. Daydreamer. Easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. Loves to be loved. Hates studying. in need of “that someone”. Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or restricted. Lives by “no pain no gain” caring. Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious. “charming” or “beautiful” to everyone. stubborn. curious. Independent. Strong willed. A fighter. Repost in 5 mins and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month.
SEPTEMBER BABY
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand. If you do not repost this in the next 5 mins, someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 days.
OCTOBER BABY
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all. repost this in 5 mins or you will not meet the love of your life for 10 years.
NOVEMBER BABY
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind. Repost in 5 mins & you will excel in a major event coming up sometime this month.
DECEMBER BABY
This straight-up means you are the most good-looking person possible… Better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer.Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. One guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves music. Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive.
push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.
push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.
get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.
stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.
buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.
buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.
strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.
organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.
have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.
push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.
message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.
think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.
become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.
lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.
Kim Jongin
Angst? Fluff?
Word Count: 1.8k
Description: love was something they were both relatively new to. But with her eyesight gradually disappearing, was he taking advantage of it?
I'm awake, but everything's black.
Blink once.
Twice.
Three times.
Open your eyes.
It's been a year since I was diagnosed with this blinding virus and it's getting worse, but I have come to accept the fact that I'm going blind. Some mornings I wake up and see everything, other mornings I wake up to complete darkness. And when I do, the darkness stays for the whole day. It may or may not go away the next day, but when I do have sight, I try to see as much of the world as I can. But today isn't one of those days.
"Jongin! Have you seen my walking stick?"
I hear the footsteps of my loving boyfriend of two years running up the stairs and into the room.
"Y/N? You can't see again?"
I sit up on the bed and slowly shake my head as the tears start falling. I feel his arms around me in a gentle embrace.
"I'm not ready.. It's only a matter of time until I can't see you anymore and I'm not ready for that."
"It's okay Y/N, I'll always be by your side. I love you."
As he said those three little words, I broke down and crumbled in his arms. After two years of me being the only one to openly say I love you, He finally said it. And I didn’t get to see his face as he did so.
It's hard to used to the fact that I'm never going to see again but Jongin is doing everything he can to make me feel okay with it.
I met Jongin in my sophomore year of high school and he was a Junior. Not many people spoke to him though. It was always just him and Kyungsoo. There was something about him that made me fall for him. He was different than other guys. He had a unique sense of style that spoke volumes, but he himself was extremely quiet and so was I so I never had the courage to just go up to him and talk to him. But Baekhyun did. So he played matchmaker and here we are today.
"Let’s go.”
“On a date”
He grabbed my arm and soon enough, we were running out of our apartment, me in a onesie and bunny slippers, and he, if I remember correctly, in a wife beater and basketball shorts.
As he pulled me towards the car I bumped into into something or someone. I can't really see anything for me to be able to differentiate.
"Sorry"
Jongin was still pulling me along and then we finally got to the car he opened and closed the door for me and we were on our way.
After our little breakfast date, Jongin and I came back home and spent half of the day trying to teach me how to read Braille. After reading a whole chapter of a book without stopping to think, a reward was well in place.
"Babyy..."He probably already knows what I want.
"Babeee"
Okay, now he's just not answering me.
"JONGIN"
"What?!"
I jumped. He's never raised his voice at me...
"Sorry.. I'm just hungry."
"It's okay. I'll go see what I can make for you okay? Stay here"
He grabbed my head and kissed my forehead then walked into the kitchen.
I stayed where I was and I was suddenly lost in thought. What was he doing that got him so angry? He only gets that mad when he talks to his parents because they're always criticizing him about choosing to stay with me, but he couldn't have been talking to his parents, they barely know how to text anyway. It couldn't have been me who got him so angry right? Maybe it was one of his friends. They're always arguing about something. I don't know, but it worries me. He doesn't yell at me and when he did, it scared me.
"Y/N!!!"
"What? Huh??"
I hear him chuckle softly and I can already imagine the little smirk on his face, his squinted eyes, and the little wrinkle he get around them. Just thinking about all these little features about him brings a small sad smile to my face only because. One day I won't be able to see this anymore and one day, i may just forget it all and that makes my heart break
"Y/N, are you listening?"
"Huh? No, sorry. What did you say?"
"I said that there's not really anything to make so I'm going to run out and buy something okay?"
"I want to come."
"No no it's okay I won't be long. Call Mina or Baekhyun to keep you entertained or something okay."
He gave me a small kiss and left.
I wait, and wait until I finally make the decision to call Mina
"Mina!!"
"Y/N! What's up?"
"Jongin went to get food and now I'm bored at home"
"Oh.. Well let's talk. How was your day?"
"Well I can't see today.. But Jongin took me on a breakfast date in my onesie and I knew I looked extremely stupid."
"Aww! That's cute."
"Embarrassing --"
I was cut off by a knock at the door
"It's probably Jongin!"
"FaceTime me!"
She hangs up and I tell Siri to facetime her and just as it starts ringing, Jongin knocks again.
"Coming!"
I grab my walking stick and make my way to the door
"Babe!"
Just as I was about to throw my hands around his neck Mina said something.
"Y/N that's not Jongin.."
"Who are you?
"I'm Sehun, I'm actually a friend of Jongin's and your new neighbor."
"Sehun? He's never mentioned you before.."
"Y/N!"
I hear Jongin's heavy footsteps getting closer and closer. He sounds angry..
"Who is this? Why did you open the door?"
"I- I don't know he said he was a friend of yours and I thought It was you.. Mina was on the phone with me too see.."
I lifted my phone up to where I thought he was standing but all he did was grab the phone from my hand and lead me inside.
"Why did you open the door?!"
"I thought it was you.."
"Why would it be me?! I have my key!"
"Well i thought you might've had too much stuff to carry. Why are you so angry? He said he was your friend."
"Since when have I ever mentioned Sehun as my friend, in fact when have I ever mentioned Sehun at all?! Your common sense should've told you to close the door. You're blind not stupid!"
Well that hurt.. With those words, he walked away. I found my way to the sofa and I took a seat. I don't know why but Kai is just in a bad mood today and I don't know what I can do to make it better and I don't know what caused it. Somehow I feel responsible for it and I don't even know what I did. He's just been lashing out on me all day, not only does it scare me, but it makes me uncomfortable and a tad bit stupid. I should know what's causing my boyfriend to behave this way. Maybe he's getting tired of having me as a girlfriend.. Maybe the stress is too much..
I shake my head. He loves me. He's stuck with me all this time, he's been patient. He respects my decisions and he doesn't look down on me because of my virus. He's just having a bad day and all I need to do now is find a way to make him feel better.
I get up and walk into the kitchen.
"Babe? are you okay? I'm sorry I made you angry.. I really thought it was you at the door.."
I hear a light sigh coming from him followed by his growing footsteps.
"I’m not angry with you at all. It’s just Sehun, we have a bad history."
"But what you said really hurt. You know my condition, you know how I'm trying to cope with it and you know my struggles with it yet you decide to throw it in my face like it's my fault. I never asked to be blind. I never asked for this virus, and I never thought you would say something like that to me. But that's just how things played out and guess what? It fucking hurts."
By now, tears were streaming down my face and I already knew he was at a loss of words. We don't usually fight but this is time everything is just wrong and I don't even know what he's going to say right now. He may say it's because of me that he's acting this way, he may try and comfort me, or he may walk away.
"Y/N…. I didn't mean to say that I'm sorry."
"But what's wrong with you today?"
"What do you mean?"
"You've been snapping at me all day and I don't even know what I did. What did I do?"
"You didn't do anything I promise."
"Then what exactly is wrong with you today?"
"It's nothing okay? I promise."
He gives me a small kiss on the forehead then he goes back to cooking. I don't know it's he's telling the truth, but I'll drop it for now..
Time passes Jongin and I sat in silence at the dining table eating our food with music playing in the background.
Baby it's just me and you
They couldn't see what I see in you
Cause I believe in you
You're the only one I choose
Listening to the lyrics reminds me of Kai and I so much. Nobody understood our relationship. Everything about us was different and no one knew why we were together. But we were each others choice. We believed in each other.
I know what we are, our love's too young
Even though you break my heart, my love
Imma need you, Imma need you, Imma need you
Our love's still young we both will make mistakes, we'll have fights, there will be more days like today but we're strong. We can get through it all. No matter what.
As I think, I notice the darkness in my eyesight slowly start to fade away.
I'll take you as you are, yeah
Show me your broken heart to know your flaws.
I slowly open my eyes and see that my eyesight has fully returned and I stare at the love of my life in front of me. We will go through our ups and downs but there's one thing that I know in this moment right now.
"I love you Jongin."
He looks up at me and smiles a cheeky smile.
"I love you too Y/N."
"I love your smile too"
His smile gets even wider as he realizes what I just said. He embraces me in a warm hug and We stay like that for a while. We're in a good place right now and I couldn't ask for anything more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay so listen..... This has been sitting in my Wattpad for almost 2 years now, but its done now! Part 2?
Is there anyone out there, from our Blue Night family, that is crying alone tonight? Not crying out of pity for something or someone, but instead because they cannot help asking why they are living in the way that they are? Is there anyone that is feeling sentimental or guilty, needlessly? Don’t be like that. I hope that you believe that these bitter days of crying alone will prove to be the most beautiful days of your life. You’ll realize, with time, that your life is actually pretty alright. I promise you. In fact, I’ll write you a guarantee! The most beautiful thing in all the world is right now. This moment. You. Don’t ever forget that.
Jonghyun’s closing words on ‘Blue Night’ on the 11th March, 2014. (via hwaitinghwaiting)
Rest In Peace, Kim Jonghyun. Thank you for your voice, your love, your smiles and for inspiring and making millions of people happy. You will forever live on in our memories.
I am so shocked and lost for words man. Jonghyun has passed away and I legit teared up. Shinee is one of the reasons I started listening to Kpop and Jonghyn is an incredible talent. This is so heartbreaking man.
Man depression and mental health is something I wish countries like South Korea would be more open about and recognize as a serious problem.
My heart and prayers go out to his family, his friends, his members and all of the fans. This is such a devastating loss man
No one is requesting anything at all but its okay lmao! My final for my creative writing class is to create a short story which I will also post on here! I will let you guys choose the main guy. It’ll be up in 2 weeks when school lets out so you guys have two weeks to choose... Maybe I’ll post a poll on twitter we’ll see! see you guys! <3
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