So It Goes

Call me Castles. The world is quiet here.

[late-for-the-sky]

I wish I could be good enough for once in my life

[depresseddisneyprincess]

[brokenflicker]

I'm thinking about ending it again and i don't even care about the consequences, i just want out.

— my mind won't shut up

[beautifuldarkmind]

I think I’m getting better and then everything gets bad again. 

[abnormall]

i dont talk anymore. i dont want to. i have nothing to say. i have nothing to contribute to a conversation. words escape me and i dont care that they do. i can go entire days without muttering a word. i just want to be left alone, now. 

[suicideisthesolution]

I don't know how many times I survived myself without telling anyone.

-V. J.

[wishing-for-deathx]

Now I’m empty. I have nothing to give to anyone. Except for talking about my pain. And since I realize that’s toxic, I’ve simply isolated.

[valentina-poem]

[jupiters-saddest-alien]

I don’t wanna get out of bed. I don’t wanna eat. I don’t wanna go to work. I don’t want to go anywhere. I just wanna fall asleep and never wake up.

[wishing-for-deathx]

Things no one tells you about when you’ve been mentally ill for years and it won’t get better

— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )

— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient

— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.

— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.

— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.

— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way

— you’re tired / fatigued all the time. You have been for years now. You simply exist but you aren’t capable of living anymore. Your illnesses have taken everything that made you feel alive. You’re nothing but a shell. A body.

[depression-took-over-my-liiife]

[abnormall]

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

[wishing-for-deathx]

Ever cried in your bed curled up in a ball because you’re alive and can’t die?

[beautifuldarkmind]

I’m jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They don’t have anxiety holding them back from everything, they don’t struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They don’t struggle to hold friendships and relationships… they don’t feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can hold jobs and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all. 

[depression-took-over-my-liiife]

[idkhowifeel]

It’s so fucking exhausting fighting your brain every day dude