[fuckkkkkkkktumblah-deactivated2]

ok... cis male, tall and lanky, brown hair that i always hide under my hat (i don't leave anywhere without it!), italian/japanese, kind of a nervous wreck, terrified of ghosts and my fav color is green!

aw omg would date u sound adorable

[batz]

[tockthewatchdog-deactivated2020]

me: hey can you make dopamine and serotonin

my brain:

[just-shower-thoughts]

Because there are always pregnant people, the average number of skeletons in a body is higher than one

[pseudinymous]

I never needed to think about this, but now I’m reblogging it and all of you can suffer as well.

[dankmemeuniversity]

[huffylemon]

[bitchycode]

‪What part of “i don’t wanna spend anymore money” don’t I understand

[singsongstardust]

Literally

[left-reminders]

[eeeeeeeeeeek1]

[schrodingers-slut]

[themostbeautifulanimals]

[mllebabushkat]

reblog for 10 years of peaceful sleep every night

[andysambcrg]

members of the gang ranked by how likely it is that they’re a serial murderer

charlie: definitely killed one of the kids that stole mac’s bike, was gonna cut a little person’s throat w a razor, tried to eat a homeless kid, ripped santa’s neck open 9/10

dee: probably killed multiple people while on steroids, planned on killing dennis AND frank, also tried to eat a homeless kid, set that bitch on fire that one time 8/10

mac: has certainly put his thumb through someone’s eye at some point, likes to choke people in anger, also definitely killed one of the kids that stole his bike 6/10

dennis: possibly killed the guy who shushed him, would probably have a collection of skin luggage if it weren’t for the smell 5/10

frank: first instinct in any situation is to pull a gun out, likely responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people in vietnam 10/10

[teenagerposts]

this is the best one

[fruit-butt]

‘dad bod’ is just ‘bear’ in Straight

[garbagebagger-deactivated201812]

[goldenagc]

do it for her (amelia “mia” mignonette thermopolis renaldi, queen of genovia)

[bexalator58]

*princess

[goldenagc]

[thatisrad]

You don’t have to fake orgasm to help your partner’s ego. The guy I lost my virginity to wrote a play about the experience, and the character based on me gave a monologue about how she regretted sleeping with him because no one else would ever be that good. So, yeah. Just tell him you didn’t cum. 

[girlsfrommars]

Im sorry he wrote a fucking what

[slowspinningredemption]

just lost my mcfreakin mind on a conference call bc someone’s email was their first initial and full last name and it spelled m.othman

[m4a1-shermayne]

Imagine showing this video to someone 6 months ago

[m4a1-shermayne]

Imagine showing this video to someone 1 year ago

[iwontbelookingdown]

oh my god.

[hopefulartandwriting]

This would literally be a closing shot in Black Mirror

[angelic-dove-deactivated2018121]

date a boy who hates coleslaw date a boy who never lets coleslaw near you date a boy who will chuck a bowl of coleslaw across the room if someone puts it near you

[satansonmyside]

I know I just called you dude but I’m trying to flirt with you