On Love and the Ideal Self There is a complaint I sometimes hear when talking to an individual who is one half of a couple.

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On Love and the Ideal Self There is a complaint I sometimes hear when talking to an individual who is one half of a couple.
Shopping and the Soul I went to Buffalo Exchange the other day. This remains my favorite second-hand clothing retail outlet, which is sort of surprising and sort of not.
A Plea to be Human I don’t mind when you disagree with me. I don’t even really mind when you challenge me, even demonstrating to me how I am wrong.
Men Alone, Men Together
Men Alone, Men Together
I lead a men’s group. In our weekly circle, we spent quite a bit of time talking about…well about being men.
What does it mean to be a man?
What is expected of a man?
What are men supposed to do, and by consequence, prohibited from doing?
What is success for a man?
What is the code we are to follow and what will happen to us if we fail?
I have been witness to many marvelous moments, usually…
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On Sexuality and Authority of Scripture
On Sexuality and Authority of Scripture
What happens when the authority of Scripture is…assumed to be something it is not?
At the very least, people can become confused. In the worst situations, God is utterly misrepresented and people get hurt. Thankfully the story I’m about to share is more about confusion than getting hurt, though let’s be honest; being confused can be painful.
One major aspect of my story has been exploring my…
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Threat and Privilege
Recently, I heard a fellow respond to the question, “What makes you feel threatened?” He very astutely remarked that, being straight, white and male, the feeling of “Threatened” was typically foreign to his experience.
Part of me very much appreciated his answer, implying an awareness of social dynamics of privilege, power and oppression. And in one sense, he was correct. In the context of…
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Orthopathy, Therapy and Integrative Neuroscience
Orthopathy, Therapy and Integrative Neuroscience
“How are you feeling?”
This question, more than any other, typifies pop culture’s understanding of seeing a counselor. You talk, the counselor listens, the counselor asks you how you feel, you tell them, you leave feeling better.
Oh, if it were just that simple!
My baptized name is Moses. I’m dually licensed as professional counselor and drug & alcohol counselor, and in training to be a sex…
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Sex is Not the Problem
Sex is Not the Problem
Recently I engaged in a brief online dialogue with a colleague about the validity and health of treating sex addiction as…well as addiction. The concern is a familiar one, that sex addiction therapy is repressive, sex negative and based in shame-based religious legalism. Well-meaning sex-positive professionals have a concern that labeling any sexual behavior as an addiction causes shame-based…
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Trauma and Addiction
What are we really treating when we treat addiction?
Addiction is traditionally understood as a progressive disease, and has more recently come to be understood as a progressive disease of the brain. Mood altering chemicals and behaviors overwhelm the chemical capacity of the brain which, on an ongoing basis, changes the structure and functionality of key brain systems. The net result is impaired…
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Brief Thoughts on Betrayal Trauma
Brief Thoughts on Betrayal Trauma
Recently, I completed Module 2 of the International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professional’s Certified Sex Addiction Therapist training. The whole week was spent discussing how to support the partner of a person in recovery. These are some of my reflections.
The plight of betrayed partners is severe.
On the one hand the experience of betrayal trauma is scarcely discussed. On the other…
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Addicted People have Choice like Poor People have Money
Addicted People have Choice like Poor People have Money
Recently, I read a Facebook post(my first mistake) in which a dear friend very boldly spoke about their experience with addiction, and announcing that they are not afraid to identify as having the disease of addiction. They firmly urged their community to recognize their experience as a disease and refrain from judgment accordingly.
The first comment promptly called this person “Dumb” and…
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The World and Addiction
The World and Addiction
Recently I led a group where we discussed core beliefs in recovery. Addiction is understood in many ways, each emphasizing a different factor that makes addiction happen. For the past few weeks, I’ve been working with the Genesis Process, developed by Michael Dye. Genesis integrates, neuroscience, cognitive behavioral therapy and Christian principles to frame addiction as a combination of a…
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What's in a Name(or Stigmatizing Label)?
What’s in a Name(or Stigmatizing Label)?
I had a professor once who was fond of uttering a saying attributed to Confucius – “The beginning of wisdom is to call a thing by its right name.” He shared this quote in the context of a diagnostic class and the implications were loud – labeling with a diagnosis is a powerful gesture, one which can be tremendously harmful to a person if misapplied.
I have now sat through my first CSAT training…
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Sex Before Dawn Today I crawled out of bed in the functional middle of the night, entreated my loving wife to likewise drag herself out of bed, and got myself up and moderately styled and through customs at the airport.
Why God Finally Makes Sense
Why God Finally Makes Sense
My dear Andrew, Grace and peace to you. Thank you for your inquiry about my statement that, now, upon becoming Orthodox, God finally makes sense. Your question has given me cause to sift through, organize and clarify my thoughts, which is always a helpful thing. Over the last year and a half or so, my spiritual journey led me to Orthodoxy. For years I had been going through the motions in…
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The Most Dangerous Thinking Error
The Most Dangerous Thinking Error
Thinking Errors, also called Cognitive Distortions, also called Automatic Negative Thoughts(or ANTs) are maladaptive and irrational patterns of thought. These thoughts diverge from reality in a host of creative ways, usually habitually and often as a result of stress. In recovery circles, and when using cognitive behavioral therapy, we give quite a bit of attention and conversation to addressing…
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Our Culture of Violence
Our Culture of Violence
As a parent of a newly school-aged child, I used to be opposed to homeschooling. But with the developing trends of weekly school shootings and other violence, sending my kid to public school seems more and more likely to be a literal death sentence. Thus, I am reconsidering home-schooling, at least until our society reaches something like a sensible resolution about gun ownership laws.
The…
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