What if Sunjae didn’t die that night? Part 5 (lovely runner au)
[Read Part 1, 2, 3 and 4 here.]
Sometimes Sunjae wished that he could just log off from life. He barely used his phone or social media so it wasn’t as if his digital footprint was driving him into madness. Yet, he was just constantly tired - from everything.
Except maybe one: his tiny notebook with the sunflower cover which had become his go-to for any and all thoughts that came to mind.
Alas, the world didn’t stop rotating just because Ryu Sunjae was feeling it. It also didn’t let him forget his commitments and that’s how he found himself sitting at a production office for a meeting that was long overdue. Maybe they decided to hurry up after the whole retirement thing came out, he almost smiled at that.
“We’ll be waiting to hear back from you soon! If there’s anything else you might need from us, please let us know,” the Assistant Producer was saying while seeing him off.
“We’ll get in touch!” His manager responded.
“Thank you,” Sunjae said lowly, doing a tiny respectful bow before walking down the stairs.
As always, with his mind preoccupied, Sunjae didn’t notice much around him - a side effect of years of coddling by guards in public. However, it was yellow and the funny thing about that colour is that it always forces him to hold and register, even if it’s for a moment.
This time around, he didn’t just register but rather walked to the source of yellow absentmindedly, already knowing who it was before she even needed to turn.
The employee talking to Sol looked up at him and greeted hurriedly, making Sol turn around.
“Oh hi, Sunjae! What’re you doing here?”
She had come a long way from staring happily at him and staying silent, now she was talking to him as if they knew each other their entire lives (they did but only Sunjae knew that).
“Are you here for a new film?” She beamed at him.
The employee shook his head behind her as a signal to Sunjae but he nodded at her, a small smile on his face.
“What are you doing here?” He asked, looking between the employee and Sol.
She turned a bit so she didn’t have her back to anyone, “oh, I came here for an interview. But their office is upstairs and they don’t have accessibility so I won’t be able to work here. I was just about to leave.”
Sol bows before attempting to leave.
Sunjae looks at the employee, then stairs and feels such bubbling rage within him, it surprises himself. At least the employee had the decency to feel apologetic regardless.
“I’m really sorry about this, we loved your work and were looking forward to meet you,” he says.
Sol shakes her head, “oh, it’s okay! Thank you for considering me, I understand.”
But Sunjae didn’t understand. He was about to intervene before his manager put a hand on his shoulder, addressing Sol, “can we drop you off?”
Sol chuckles, “oh no, it’s alright! Please go on with your work,” she makes her way out of their little group, “bye, Sunjae! Good luck for your movie.”
Sometimes Sunjae wished she would act more like his fan - the clingy kind who wants to spend a lot of time with him.
He goes to her, stepping in front of her so she can’t continue her way out, “let us drop you. Are you going back home?”
She nods and shakes her head at the same time.
“No, I mean I’m going home but you don’t need to drop me. I’ll be fine, you should continue with your work, I don’t want to be a bother.”
Sol was about to protest again but visibly gave up and nodded.
“I’ll get the car!” Sunjae’s manager says before going out.
While they waited, Sunjae wanted to talk and diffuse the awkward tension they suddenly had out of nowhere. But at the same time, a part of him was worried about the mechanics of Sol managing her way in the car. A long time back, he had looked it up: how wheelchair users get in the car and what it means for their mobility especially with public transport. He didn’t remember much anymore apart from the fact that there wasn’t a collective way they managed because everyone had different kinds of mobility. He wasn’t sure about Sol’s - how it had shifted over the years. He saw her get in her friend’s car that very first night, it was quick and fairly easy with optimal height. Her friend had helped her in but Sol managed her way fine.
Just then his manager called, “just saw a few photographers around the building. Come to the back entrance, I’ll pick you up there.”
Sunjae looked at Sol who was looking at him inquisitively before looking at the employee standing a bit further away, “can you show us the back entrance?”
The employee nodded and lead them there, Sol and Sunjae following behind side by side.
However, their office had some serious issues in regard to accessibility because there were couple of stairs leading towards the door.
Sunjae looked at the stairs and then back at Sol, who was also looking at the stairs. Before he could say anything, she turned to him and smiled, “Sunjae, you should go. I’m assuming there is paparazzi outside? I think you should go on your own and I’ll be fine.”
Sunjae felt conflicted. But for the moment, he silenced all of his thoughts and bent down in front of Sol.
“Please, I insist. If your mother finds out, she’ll be upset with me that I let you go like this,” he says gently.
Sol was about to say something but Sunjae continues before he loses courage.
“Can I…. please carry you down the stairs?”
A part of him wanted to go hide away in his room, in the dark, but he was choosing that as his moment of 10 seconds of courage, hoping that it wasn’t cringe, praying that she wouldn’t take offence.
Sol’s eyes widened a fraction, “I-“
Sunjae’s phone buzzes for a second, followed by his manager-driver bursting in from the door, “Come on, Sunjae, they’ll see us soon. I don’t know what’s up today.”
Sol looked between the two, Sunjae not hurrying her but keeps looking at her before she does a tiny nod - that’s all the confirmation he needs before he stands up and scoops Sol up in his arms. A hand behind her knees while the other encircles her waist, Sol looking anywhere but at him while he keeps looking at her to ensure she isn’t uncomfortable. They go down the stairs comfortably, as if Sunjae wasn’t holding an entire human, while Sol held on to his neck for dear life, shyly hiding her face in the curve of his neck, a tiny breath away from his skin.
Sunjae’s manager quickly ran up the stairs and picked up Sol’s wheelchair before running down and out the door, not realising that he only had to do it until the bottom of the stairs.
“Dongseok!” But he was gone already, opening the car trunk. He finally notices Sunjae standing at the open door, while holding an awkward Sol but instead of realising his mistake, he gestures for him to hurry up.
“Sorry about this,” Sunjae mutters lowly before hurrying out to the open car door. He bends a bit before leaning in and settling Sol down on the seat, their eyes meeting for a moment as he pulls away.
“Thank you,” Sol says softly, a small nod and smile on her face before she straps herself in.
Sunjae goes to the other side and gets in.
“I’m sorry about earlier. For hurrying you and for Dongseok putting your wheelchair in the car,” Sunjae says at last, diffusing the awkward silence.
“Oh no, it’s fine. Thank you for doing what you did earlier and for dropping me home. You didn’t have to go to such trouble,” Sol twiddles her fingers in her lap.
Sunjae nods but he could feel the tension in his bones and he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want her to feel like he was invalidating her or overpowering her or taking advantage of her disability. He never wanted anyone to feel that, let alone Sol. Especially because he was in a position of power in so many ways. But considering the possibility that Sol might feel that way about him, he felt sheer agony.
He tries to pull down the collar of his sweater a bit, to give himself the physical space to breathe.
“Are those my flowers?” Sol leans forward to pick up the small notebook from the seat.
Sunjae looks over and nods, watching Sol gently caress the cover.
“This looks prettier in person. Thank you, Sunjae-ya for not letting my flowers die,” she beams up at him, her eyes watering.
“I couldn’t let them die,” he replies, “thank you for giving them to me.”
Sol’s smile brightens up even more - he didn’t know that was possible.
As they were about to round up to the buildings near Sol’s place, he asks, “what role were they considering you for?”
“Huh? Oh, it was for a Video Editor role. I’ve been doing that for a while now on my own so I wanted to see if I could find something in Films,” she says, a dismissive tone in her voice.
“Is that something you’re interested in?” Sunjae inquires further, staring at her while she keeps caressing the tiny notebook in her lap.
She doesn’t answer for a minute, making Sunjae think if she heard him at all. But then she looks at him, a sad smile on her face.
“I’ve always wanted to work in TV/Films, as a Director than any other role. But even with Editing, it does involve creative processes and vision so it was the next best bet because I could easily do it from home without worrying about accessibility issues like today for instance.”
Sunjae nods just as the car stops and the doors open. Dongseok opens the trunk to get Sol’s wheelchair and setting it up based on her directions.
Sunjae gets out and goes to her side of the door, intently focusing on Sol. Again, he wasn’t sure how she manoeuvres around cars and especially one with the height - it was higher than her friend’s. But she was confident and relaxed, not worried or awkward about her mode of mobility.
Once Dongseok was done and had stepped away, Sunjae asks, “how can I help?”
This time around, Sol was a bit more comfortable, “could you please ….carry me down?”
Without hesitation, Sunjae moves forward, puts one hand behind her waist and the other under her knees, and easily lifts her down onto her wheelchair, lingering for a moment before pulling away, their eyes refusing to pull away from each other.
Once she was all settled in and comfortable, she gives him a wide smile, “thank you so much for dropping me home! Take care of yourself and good luck for your movie.”
She bows and waves to both Sunjae and Dongseok, before turning around to leave.
Sunjae stopped mid-step. Saying her name out loud felt both like a blasphemy and relief. As if it was forbidden, yet it felt like coming home at last. He didn’t even know where home was, really, but it felt right. Instinctual. Bound to happen.
When Sol turned around to look at him, confused, he wasn’t sure what he was about to say either. Lost in his own contradictory feelings when it came to her, while she was blissfully unaware about everything.
He walks up to her and says, “thank you for letting me drop you home. I wanted to apologise if I made you feel uncomfortable at any point and to thank you for trusting me.”
He didn’t wait for her reply but did a tiny bow before going back to his car, turning around once to smile at her before getting inside and leaving.
2087
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