Cosmic Funnies
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Game of Thrones Daily
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Love Begins
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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Not today Justin
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@aimedis
not having a beverage can kill you. you can’t live on water alone that’s insane
can someone pour a beverage into an envelope and send it to my house
wait didn't one guy survive overseas on like rain water only for abt a year or smth??
no i think he probably had like a lemonade or soda or smth
u sure buddy
that ai answer fails to mention that he most likely had the occasional iced coffee or some sort of soft drink
matthew 4:4
I think one of the funniest abortion stances I've heard was from my parents neighbor. He's a like, hard-core libertarian viking larper guy who is very tall and very fat and very bald.
He believes a fetus is human with a soul, but also its "basically attacking the woman's body" so if she wants to get rid of it, that's "basically self-defense". He compared it to shooting a home invader. So he supports abortion not as healthcare, but as killing a baby in self-defense
Y'know I'm so glad someone reminded me of this. Because this was also discussed.
My stepmother did NOT like the way her Libertarian Viking Neighbor framed pregnancy as the fetus "attacking the woman". She incredulously told him this was extremely disrespectful to expectant mothers to portray pregnancy as so violent and negative.
Libertarian Viking Neighbor's response was that people consensually hurt each other all the time, and "there's like a whole community about that, with the acronym the one that starts with a B" And his reasoning was that if the mother was consenting to bring attacked by the baby, it in fact wasn't violent and negative because there was consent.
He brought up people consensually hurting each other, didn't go for one of the obvious answers like boxing or body mods or something, no he went STRAIGHT TO BDSM and he DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE ACRONYM
Doodle that's very super loosely based of this precious ask:
https://freakcircusofhorrors.tumblr.com
I love it SO MUCH they are so adorable!!!!
When David shifted and Angel was initially scared and he goes “ come on baby it’s just me you’re safe I promise” ☹️☹️☹️
just had a really good mango it was so good that i had to illustrate how it made me feel afterwards.
op’s tags are so fucking important to me
I think Shane in literally any situation without Ilya is just like “wow I hate this I want my husband. I want my husband where is my husband. Everyone here sucks I want Ilya. I hate everyone but Ilya. This sucks”
sam and darlin
yuna knowing that ilya visited shane in the hospital cracks me up because HOW did she know that
like??? was she looking over a visitor log??? did the nurse happen to bring it up???
or was shane's high ass just circling back to it like, "also il-rozanov was here :) he came to say hi :)" "that's nice of him, sweetie." only to five minutes later swing BACK around to "oh, roz was here :) did i tell you he came to see me :)" "th-yeah, honey. that's really nice." and like seven more minutes pass and this high off his ASS boy just "is rozanov still here? he came to see me. :) did you know that? :)"
Violence may not solve every problem but dang sometimes it's cathartic.
Ilya prescribing Shane kisses- he sees him stressed or grumpy or sad or over thinking or simple it’s been two hours since they’ve kissed and the Ilya is walking over grabbing Shane’s face in his hands and being like in a low quiet serious voice ok this is very bad you need at least- hmmm (he squints at him) like twenty kisses right now and kisses all over his face like mwah mwah mwah mwah until Shane gives in and smiles or kisses him proper
No PDA Darlin’ turns into Yes PDA Darlin’ when they’re drunk.
And Sam is all for it.
He loves it when Darlin’ is all over him when they’re drunk, clinging onto him and climbing onto his lap when he’s sitting down. They don’t talk much, but their actions do all the talking for them. It’s like they’re a cat with how much they’re rubbing up on him. It takes considerable effort just to push them away, not that Sam really wants to when they’re like this.
Even if they’re in front of the pack, they’re still grabbing onto Sam’s arm and nuzzling into his shoulder.
You’d think that Milo and Ash would poke fun at them about it, but they never mention it after, because the one time they did they got a death stare from Darlin’ that sent shivers down their spine and they promptly shut up.
baby Shane
stop using hospitals as horror settings
fun alternative: cruise ships. cruise ships exploit workers and can pollute as much as a million cars on a daily basis while dumping endless shit into the ocean and endangering all passengers on board because the on board air quality rivals some of the most polluted cities in the world while being a breeding ground for disease. cruise ships deserve to have negativity associated with them
also all crimes commited aboard a cruise ship is under the juristiction of whichever country they’re registered to once they’re a certain distance away from land so you have the added bonus of the crimes being very unlikely to be properly investigated (due to usually being physically so very far from the actual police whose juristiction they’re under)
terrifying!
On top of THAT cruise ships tend to have their own morgue, as people tend to die on ships all the time. Good for those spooky scenes.
plus u can just like…leave a hospital. good luck escaping a killer or a monster or a curse or w/e in the middle of the fucking ocean
As an ex cruise ship employee, let me give you some stuff to work with!
Water tight doors! You get a special training video on interacting with these correctly because they will literally cut you in half if you try and go through them while they’re closing!
Freezer vaults for food in the sub decks - you can only get into these with the correct code and they have very thick walls. Good luck if you get shut in one of these just after the last round of checks bucko
There are cameras everywhere…except in the crew cabin corridors. Also there are no windows down there because unless you’re an officer, you live below the waterline. Day and night have no meaning because everything is in the same slightly unsettling yellow light.
Don’t piss off the guys who deal with the rubbish. They have machines down there that can crush metal barrels
As well as morgues, cruise ships usually have one basic operating theatre with all the attendant horrifying equipment in it
One cigarette thrown carelessly in the wrong place WILL start a fire that will gut half the ship.
When we’re pitching side to side, the anchor swings out and then back in, striking the metal outer shell with a noise that shakes half the ship
People disappear overboard more often than you’d really want to be a thing
A lot of cruise ships now have theatres on board (usually towards the front) with all the potential for dark corners, creepy costumes and electrical calamities you could want.
And as op says, you can’t really escape a ship in the middle of the ocean. Particularly during a storm, as then you can’t even evacuate to lifeboats unless the whole ship is going down. On the upside being on board during a storm means most guests hide in their cabins and the staff walk around like drunks, which would likely throw off a skilled murderer’s plans.
Takes notes
You also have the bonus of a corporate overlord who doesn’t give a shit about anything but profits and can be reliably counted on to downplay any disaster in an attempt to avoid publicity.
Also don’t tell me we’ve already forgotten the disease spread aspect.
When Shane joins the centaurs, Ilya arranges it that he gets the locker next to his. He's not passing up the chance to flirt with his half-dressed husband before and after games. Being captain comes with perks.
"You're lucky to get this locker," he tells Shane before their first practice. "Everyone in this room is always fighting to get it."
"Why, because it's the one next to yours?" says Shane, tugging a curl at the back of Ilya's head just hard enough to pull his head back playfully.
"Well, yes," laughs Ilya. "But this is also the magic locker."
Shane has that look on his face that Ilya knows means he's not sure if he wants to laugh or roll his eyes.
"The magic locker?" he says with a skeptical eyebrow and a fond smile. "I'm scared to ask what that means."
"You'll see. Is very mysterious. Science cannot explain it. You will soon see its power for yourself."
And Shane's laughing now.
"How about you get dressed so that you're not late for practice, Cap? The only power I want to see right now is your ass on the ice."
And Ilya has this stupid grin the whole way through practice that only gets wider when Shane gets back to his locker to find his favourite post-practice protein bar and an ice-cold can of ginger ale. There's a small post-it stuck to the protein bar that says "Welcome to the team, Hollander. Love, the magic locker elves. xx" It's unmistakably Ilya's handwriting.
"See?" says Ilya, delighted at how much Shane is smiling. "Mysterious."
"Super mysterious," he says, pressing a small kiss to Ilya's cheek. "Tell the elves I say thank you."
And every practice or game after that, there's always something small waiting in the locker for Shane. Because his locker is magic.
Obsessed with Ilya struggling to straddle Shane for a second bc Shane's first instinct after being pushed onto a bed is to spread his legs
At some point after the cottage but before the public outing TMZ does an article on “Ilya Rozanov’s most high-profile hookups” which is essentially just a list of Instagram models with paparazzi shots and blurry cellphone pics of Ilya at the club. Shane scrolls through it, absolutely seething, because he is Ilya’s most high-profile hookup - maybe not by their metric, which seems to be Instagram followers, but Shane hasn’t heard about a single one of these women, apart from Svetlana whom he wouldn’t have recognised if not for Ilya talking about her. The guys are talking about it in the locker room, as if Ilya’s a legend for getting with all of these supposedly very desirable women (although that is decidedly not the way the guys phrase it) and Shane is absolutely furious because he can’t tell anyone that none of these women got to keep him. He is the only one who’s gotten to call Ilya his. He is the only person Ilya’s been in love with.
Anyway, after the next Boston/Montreal game Ilya shows up to practice genuinely looking like he’s been mauled. His entire body is covered in hickeys and bruises that look suspiciously like bite marks - his neck is basically covered in purpling marks with a fair few centred on his chest but a couple of the bruises trail further down, one on his pubic bone, a couple on his thighs, and the darkest one on his hip, a large circle of clear teeth marks - not only that but his back has been practically scratched to ribbons. Ilya is basically a walking sign spelling out “TAKEN - BACK OFF” and when the gossip of Ilya Rozanov apparently having been locked down by a wild animal reaches the Montreal locker room Shane can’t help the proud little smile that blooms on his face because, yes, that’s his man.
has anyone figured out how to turn off the thing where you love your pet so much it slides inexorably into grief-borrowing
“For me this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. If I should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it. But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’ When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.”
