Air Captin (I Got Demoted)

🏳️‍⚧️ 🩷⚪️🌸⚪️🩷

[whydidisavethistomyphone]

[tpwrtrmnky]

Tbh I think the "but data centers are important infrastructure, not just AI" talking point misses that like

Ok so roads are important infrastructure. A lot of stuff that's important happens on roads. Now, let's imagine that quadrillionaire Matt Stench has decided that the next big tech innovation is the Wide Car. It's a car that takes up six lanes despite seating only one passenger.

The Wide Car is supposed to be the future, and everyone's going to be driving Wide Cars, even though nobody who makes Wide Cars is turning a profit. Employers are offering Wide Cars as an employee benefit, and getting "nah." Some employers are going as far as demanding their employees drive Wide Cars, and the result is that people take time out of their workdays to get in the mandatory gas usage for their Wide Car before driving home in a regular car.

In spite of the fact that the Wide Car is clearly set to fail, there's an enormous push to expand to twelve-lane roads to accommodate a bunch of Wide Cars that simply will not materialize. This is not an organic response to demand, but a speculative investment that amplifies the existing issues with road development for no good reason.

That is the problem.

[liberalsarecool]

Getting #BlackRock to change/exit the real estate market in NYC is a massive win for New Yorkers and #ZohranMamdani.

[thatweirdocryptid]

DpxDc: pet hyrdra

Now Danny wanted a pet to gaurd his apartment in Gotham, so he found a trusted realms breeder, got well-versed in their care, and got a young hydra!

It was a pygmy hydra, they usually grow to the size of a American schoolbus, not too big, and they take a LONG TIME to grow!

His baby, named her Zuri, had only one head, because do you know how UNETHICAL it is to chop a hydra's head off just to have more heads? It's like cropping the tail of a doberman and making the ears of the dog stand straight up!

But Zuri is an ABSOLUTE SWEETHEART!

Now you can imagine his surprise when he got home with Zuri having THREE NEW HEADS.

He immediately went into cooing, petting each head(thank you shapeshifting!) with the same amount of love as he did with one head.

Whoever chopped of his babie's heads not once but THREE TIMES will meet an enraged Ghost King.

[thememedaddy]

[captain-price-returns]

Americans need to begin delving into Hebrew language posts. They will be astonished, to say the least.

[captain-price-returns]

These are probably the first kids he never shot on sight

[papayafromtv]

How does it feel to know that 1 year ago today (10th july) you posted the first bat comm? Happy birthday bat comms!!!

Also i really love all your stuff its so funny have a nice week.

Also also as someone who likes in England the heat at the moment is just urgh i feel like im in a deep frier.

holy shit it actually is. happy one year anniversary to the batcom universe, it was not fucking supposed to be this long!!!

[dibudani]

the club president and vicepresident are plotting ...

[feefal]

pH balance in your mouth, and how it affects your teeth! Inspired by my dentist scolding me for my daily energi drink consumption, cause it’s apparently detrimental to the health of my enamel… whatever that means

why does battery acid have to taste so good…

[gothamknight06]

Duke: Why is there a wiki page called "The Great Batburger Incident"?

Tim: Oh no.

Steph: OH MY GOD IT'S STILL UP?

Jason: Wait, somebody made a wiki page?

Duke: There are seventeen pages. It has citations.

Damian: As it should. It was a historical event.

Cass: Very funny.

Duke: What happened?

Tim: Nothing happened.

Steph: Tim started a civil war.

Tim: That is a gross exaggeration.

Jason: No, that's pretty much exactly what happened.

Duke: Explain.

Dick: It started because Tim was sleep-deprived.

Tim: That's not relevant.

Everyone: It is.

Tim: Fine. I hadn't slept in three days.

Steph: Four.

Tim: Whatever.

Steph: Four.

Tim: Anyway, we were getting food after patrol—

Jason: Batburger.

Tim: Right. Batburger.

Steph: Trademark infringement is still hilarious.

Tim: And while we were eating, I casually said—

Duke: Uh oh.

Tim: I casually said that pickles are objectively the worst burger topping.

Duke: That's it?

Cass: Not it.

Jason: That's what he thinks started it.

Tim: That IS what started it.

Damian: Incorrect. The true catalyst was Grayson.

Dick: Hey!

Damian: You gasped like someone had announced the death of a loved one.

Dick: Because pickles are amazing.

Tim: They're soggy.

Dick: They're crunchy!

Tim: They're wet.

Dick: Everything is wet, Tim!

Steph: See? This is exactly how it started.

Duke: You're all arguing about it right now.

Jason: We never stopped.

Duke: You never—

Cass: Two years.

Duke: TWO YEARS?

Steph: Dick got offended. Tim doubled down.

Tim: Because I was right.

Dick: Wrong.

Tim: Right.

Dick: Wrong.

Tim: Right.

Dick: Wrong.

Tim: See? This.

Jason: Then I said pineapple was worse.

Duke: Why would you do that?

Jason: Because I enjoy chaos.

Steph: Then Damian said anyone who voluntarily eats pineapple on a burger should be exiled from society.

Damian: A reasonable position.

Cass: Jason had pineapple.

Duke: Of course he did.

Jason: It was delicious.

Damian: Your taste buds are defective.

Jason: You eat dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.

Damian: Because they are shaped like dinosaurs.

Jason: That's not a defense.

Steph: Then Cass said she'd eat basically anything.

Cass: True.

Steph: And suddenly everyone was yelling.

Tim: It wasn't yelling.

Steph: Tim.

Tim: Fine. It was yelling.

Duke: Where does the "incident" part come in?

Everyone: …

Duke: Why is everyone quiet?

Jason: Because this is where it gets stupid.

Duke: More stupid?

Dick: We decided to settle it democratically.

Duke: That's not stupid.

Steph: We made brackets.

Duke: What?

Tim: Like a tournament.

Duke: For burger toppings?

Tim: For burger toppings.

Duke: Why?

Tim: We had resources.

Duke: WHAT RESOURCES?

Tim: A whiteboard.

Steph: Three laptops.

Cass: Projector.

Jason: Damian made graphs.

Damian: My graphs were excellent.

Duke: You made GRAPHS?

Damian: Statistical analysis is important.

Duke: For burger toppings?

Damian: Especially for burger toppings.

Dick: It got really competitive.

Steph: Really competitive.

Tim: In our defense—

Steph: No.

Tim: Fair.

Duke: How did Bruce react?

Jason: He didn't know.

Duke: Didn't know?

Jason: Until the finals.

Duke: There were FINALS?

Cass: Pickles versus bacon.

Duke: Of course there were.

Dick: The Batfam was divided.

Steph: Friendships were tested.

Jason: Allegiances shifted.

Damian: Weaknesses were exposed.

Tim: You're being dramatic.

Damian: Drake, you attempted voter fraud.

Duke: HE WHAT?

Tim: It was one extra vote.

Steph: Thirty-seven extra votes.

Tim: Details.

Dick: Then Bruce walked in.

Duke: And?

Cass: Silence.

Steph: Complete silence.

Jason: Like a horror movie.

Tim: Bruce looked at the giant tournament bracket.

Dick: Then at the spreadsheets.

Steph: Then at Damian's pie charts.

Cass: Then at the burger ranking manifesto.

Duke: The WHAT?

Jason: Thirty-two pages.

Tim: It was collaborative.

Duke: You wrote a thirty-two-page manifesto about burger toppings?

Damian: Thirty-four pages after revisions.

Duke: I don't know why I asked.

Dick: Bruce just stood there for a minute.

Steph: Looking disappointed.

Jason: Deeply disappointed.

Cass: Very deep.

Tim: Then he asked one question.

Duke: What question?

Everyone: "Why are there campaign posters?"

Duke: CAMPAIGN POSTERS?!

Steph: "A Vote For Bacon Is A Vote For The Future."

Jason: Mine was pretty good.

Damian: It was terrible.

Jason: You're just mad because pickles lost.

Dick: THEY WERE ROBBED.

Tim: They deserved it.

Dick: THEY MADE IT TO THE FINALS.

Tim: And then they lost.

Dick: CORRUPTION.

Duke: So that's why there's a wiki page?

Steph: No.

Duke: There's more?

Cass: Always more.

Jason: The wiki page exists because Alfred found the manifesto.

Tim: Oh no.

Steph: Oh yes.

Jason: And he corrected the grammar.

Duke: He what?

Dick: Every single typo.

Damian: Added footnotes.

Cass: Sources.

Steph: Citations.

Jason: Then he printed it.

Duke: WHY?

Tim: Nobody knows.

Steph: To shame us.

Dick: To preserve history.

Damian: To educate future generations.

Cass: Funny.

Duke: So somewhere in Wayne Manor there is a professionally edited document about burger toppings.

Jason: Multiple copies.

Duke: I hate all of you.

Bruce, walking into the room: Why is this conversation happening again?

Everyone: TIM STARTED IT.

Tim: HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?

Bruce: Because every conversation that ends with me finding campaign posters somehow traces back to you.

Tim: That's actually a fair point.

[rosemaryhoney27]

Death and Taxes

Title: Death, Taxes, and the Fenton Exception

Gotham was a city used to chaos—supervillains, vigilantes, the occasional alien invasion. But for one day a year, fear reigned over even the most hardened criminals. That day was April 15th—Tax Day.

And there was one man who became a model citizen exactly once a year: The Joker.

“Oh, you can gas the mayor, blow up the zoo, or replace the city's water supply with lime gelatin,” the Joker once told Harley, lovingly licking a stamp. “But you do not mess with the Internal Revenue Service.”

Danny Fenton didn’t get it.

“Why is everyone so freaked out about taxes?” he asked, lazily floating upside-down in the Batcave, sipping a soda. “It’s not like they’re gonna send hitmen after you or something.”

Jason, perched on the edge of the Batcomputer, stared at him like he’d grown a second head. “They literally will, Danny. That’s exactly what they do.”

Bruce, arms crossed and trying to make sense of Danny's W-2s—which were somehow written on ectoplasm paper thank you ghost writer and referenced “liminal hazard bonuses”—grunted. “Everyone pays taxes. Everyone.”

Danny shrugged. “Not me.”

Tim looked up from his tablet, eyebrows slowly rising. “What do you mean, not you?”

“I mean,” Danny said, setting his soda down with a slight fizz of anti-gravity, “the Fentons don’t pay taxes.”

“…You’re evading federal law?” Damian asked flatly, already reaching for the Bat-phone. “Father, allow me to call the IRS.”

“No no no,” Danny said, raising his hands. “We’re not allowed to pay taxes.”

Silence.

“What.”

It took less than twenty minutes for Oracle to hack the federal database and confirm the impossible.

The Fenton family has not paid a single tax in six generations.

There was a note on their file. A glowing, pulsing, red note—signed and sealed by multiple high-ranking officials and stamped with a Department of Defense warning tag. It read:

FENTON EXCEPTION ACT - CLASSIFIED DO NOT ENGAGE. DO NOT CONTACT. DO NOT AUDIT. THEY ARE TO BE LEFT ALONE. [Subnote: In the event of unsolicited contact, consider immediate relocation and witness protection.]

“Why?” Dick finally asked, trying not to sound hysterical. “Why in the actual haunted tax-code hell are they exempt?”

“I dunno,” Danny said. “Mom said something about Great-Grandpa Jack accidentally collapsing a dimension when he filed with the wrong form. The IRS has left us alone ever since.”

“What form?” Bruce demanded, looking more distressed than he had when Gotham was overrun by Fear Toxin.

Danny scratched his head. “I think it was called... uh... Form 66-Ectoplasm-B? Or maybe that was the one that summoned a wraith accountant? Oh, wait—that was Grandma Fenton…”

Meanwhile…

At an undisclosed IRS location deep under D.C., in a steel bunker reinforced with both magic and nuclear shielding, a red light began to blink.

The agents in the room froze.

“Is that…?” one whispered.

“Fenton ping. But it’s passive. Someone looked them up.”

The lead agent, an old man with a cybernetic eye and an exorcism tattoo burned into his hand, swore under his breath and lit a cigar with trembling fingers.

“God help them. Someone in Gotham must’ve tripped the file.”

Back in Gotham…

The Joker, halfway through filling out his Schedule C, saw the alert pop up on his monitor: Fenton Account Flagged – Gotham Search. He dropped his pen.

“No… No no no no no.”

He reached for his emergency bag: clown nose, fake passport, and a one-way ticket to Fiji.

“Harley!” he screeched. “Pack the hyenas—we’re going off-grid! The Fentons have surfaced!”

That night, Batman received an anonymous, trembling message from the IRS:

“Please, for the love of all that is holy, tell your newest ward to never attempt to file a tax return. We still haven’t recovered from the last time. The Department of Dimensional Finance sends its regards.”

Bruce turned to Danny. “What did your family do?”

Danny shrugged. “I mean, one of our fridge magnets is a minor god of debt collection, so maybe that’s part of it?”

Bruce just groaned and added “Fenton Family Finances” to the Batcomputer’s Top Threats—right between “Joker’s Laughing Gas Variants” and “Demon-Summoning TikTok Teens.”

And so, the truth became legend in Gotham:

There are two things certain in life—Death and Taxes.

Unless you’re a Fenton.

Then even the IRS fears you.

[rheitais]

Dp x Dc Prompt- Death and Taxes

There was someone new in the underworld and they were shaking things up. A lot of the immortals and a like were going missing. Some heroes were going missing too, Captain Marvel being one of them.

And their only lead? An assassin from the league who went to Batman. They were calling the unknown the executioner, a young woman who called Talia and Ras by name before swinging at both of them with her sword. It only took one swing for them to just evaporate.

They weren't sure what to make with this but they had a bigger problem. She was looking for Damian and Jason. They were next on her list.

On Earth Dani stared at a giant billboard that had Damian's face right smack in the middle. If she didn't have to go find him she would totally ask him out.

Now why was she on a different earth? She pulled a terrible prank during an important meeting so this was her punishment.

She had to collect people who were either victims or criminals of death evasion. So essentially she was an enforcer on debt collection and for some reason this earth had way too many people on that list.

[Masterpost]

[sailatina3]

This is how people talk about HRT.

[bearionette]

Fem MC >>>>>

[papayafromtv]

i think batman probably had to ban the rest of the batkids from taking hostages for interrogation purposes during cases, because none of those fucking kids know how to act with a prisoner in their midst. tim came up with a game once called 'robin roulette' and got damian to make a really colourful looking wheel for the occasion, so whenever they had to interrogate somebody for information and the hostage was being stubborn they would ask 'wanna play robin roulette for your freedom instead?' and then they'd spin the wheel and whichever of the batboys the wheel landed on, the hostage was untied and had to fist-fight them to win their freedom. people caught on quickly that there was literally no good option in robin roulette and interrogations started lasting fifteen seconds max because whoever they caught would catch a glimpse of the wheel and instantly spill their guts to avoid playing, and eventually bruce had to take the wheel away and ban them all from partaking in suspect interrogations because he caught the kids actively threatening and blackmailing suspects into not giving any information out because they were bored and wanted an excuse to play the game again, and the only way he got them to stop was to point out that technically what they were doing was the equivalent of a mixture of underground cock fighting and police brutality.

[buggachat]

eh, screw it *releases my fucked up vampire au from the confines of my mind*

anyway I decided my blog is for me and I can draw and post all the weird silly concepts of my dreams and nobody can stop me. I actually have a lot of potential comic ideas ping-ponging in my head for this AU — not a linear story or anything (beyond what's on this post), just some good fun and shenanigans.

bonus: