Terrible People of Multiverse: Pia and Kiran Nalaar
Welcome to Terrible People of the Multiverse, a guide to the worst people in Magic: the Gathering. The goal of this guide is to educate you on how your favorite characters are all 100% terrible people. I will do this by pointing out factual information about their terrible, terrible ways. Please keep in mind, these articles are tongue-in-cheek.
Up today: Pia and Kiran Nalaar, who are also in the running for Worst Parents in the Multiverse.
Pia and Kiran Nalaar by Tyler Jacobson
“Wait, Jay!” You might say, “Pia and Kiran are great parents, they took her on the run and died for her” (although with Pia that’s questionable). Well, you’d technically be correct, but you’re forgetting the reason they had to go on the run with her in the first place. Yes, again technically it was because of her pyromancy, but why was Chandra caught by that consul patrol in the first place?
Because they sent their 11-year-old daughter on an illegal smuggling mission. This despite being well aware that she was a both a child and way too impulsive to be trusted with such a thing. And it’s not like ‘something came up’ and she had to be the one to take it - their lazy butts just hung out at home. Meanwhile their daughter risked everything to deliver their bootleg aether shipment.
Now, let me be clear here: I’ve got nothing against bootleggers. My great-grandparents were bootleggers during the prohibition. My grandmother, when asked, would refer to Al Capone as “such a nice man”. My grandmother had her first beer at 12-years-old, this is the woman who taught me poker in kindergarten, and was a card shark well into her 90s. But at no point in her childhood did her parents decide that their adolescent daughter was an appropriate courier for their illegal goods.
But that’s just what the Nalaars did. And that mistake resulted in Chandra 'accidently’ blowing up an entire factory, devastating the local economy and probably setting her on her path to mass murder-y pyromantic explosions. But rather than own up to their mistakes, they snuck away in the night on a (probably) stolen wagon, and endangered village after village as the Consuls (rightly) pursued these monsters to bring them to justice. And to crown it off, rather than helping her learn to control her gifts, they just build her a power dampener half her size that she would then half to carry around for the rest of her life.
And that’s why Pia and Kiran Nalaar are Terrible People of the Multiverse.
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