So, about that scene when Xie Lian comes back to where Feng Xin and his parents are, after being chased away by the 33 heavenly officials and finds Mu Qing there (Ch. 99)
I have so many conflicting emotions about this I don't even know how I feel anymore but I'll try to sort them out a bit. There was so much to notice in such a short amount of pages.
Mu Qing still came back to help. He could have chosen not to after what happened - he's supposed to have left them, after all - but he did. I don't understand how anyone could think he doesn't care? He does. He even apologised. Like. Mu Qing apologised. Twice. And bowed slightly with it the first time, even. And then admits, in a cracked voice, that he was wrong. All this is so far from the way he usually acts.
Also, he was breaking a heavenly rule by giving them this stuff, and thereby risking punishment. It was forbidden to do so and yet he did.
And then Xie Lian clearly, flatly, refuses that help, refuses to even admit he needs that help, and asks him to go using the same words Mu Qing had when he helped those officials drive him away : "please leave".
Is that true ? If it is, why didn't he say so from the start, when he left? Because now it just sounds like a lame excuse he made up afterwards. It is a good reason, I'm just puzzled he didn't bring it up earlier. Or...maybe he knew Xie Lian and Feng Xin wouldn't like the idea?
That's an interesting choice of words. Mu Qing of all people should know how much damage words (or lack thereof) can do. That there is more to harm than the physical way. I wonder if he's purposefully saying it that way or he if just didn't think of it. Either way, these words are just not true. Yes it probably would have escalated even more if Xie Lian insisted on staying but it's Mu Qing's silence, the lack of any...how do I put it? Acknowledgment? here that did the most harm, I think. That, plus the fact that Mu Qing did come to help Xie Lian, but only afterwards, only when no one could see, making it seem like he's ashamed of Xie Lian (or of his care for him). And imagine how THAT would feel. More hurtful I think than no help at all.
And by the time he acknowledges he was wrong, it's already too late
But even with all that, Xie Lian screaming at him made me want to cry. He felt hurt and betrayed and probably depressed and also scared because of White No Face, I know I can understand but this was just horrible to watch. I kept sobbing to him "don't do that. Xie Lian please don't do that!"
Feng Xin also getting angry and cursing him when he understood what happened was expected, it's Feng Xin after all but it kept making everything worse. He kept denying Mu Qing the opportunity to speak, always interrupting him at one point or another. And so it made everything even worse. Each side here refused to truly communicate so there was no good way out.
Feng Xin...Stop. No you don't know, precisely because you're not putting yourself in his shoes. Also, the word "traitor" must have hit like a punch in the face, especially if Mu Qing meant what he had said about wanting to go so he could help them.
Xie Lian absoluetly loosing it when Mu Qing accidentally told Feng Xin about the robbery. It was the worse thing to add on top of all that. Also, Feng Xin being so absolutely certain Xie Lian wouldn't do such a thing when in fact, he had, just added one more layer to Xie Lian's pain.
And then, Mu Qing gets chased away :
"I'm really leaving" the finality in that sentence I wanted to cry again. It is telling that Mu Qing only said that and left after he was wounded. I know, it was just a tiny cut, probably nothing at all for him but still, it's what it means. Like, the yelling, the cursing, the things thrown at him didn't drive him away; the drawing of blood did. Just...that's what it took. The symbolism here.
Again, as I said in my previous post, I do understand Mu Qing. That's the problem here. I understand everyone, which is why all this was so horrible to read. I want to hug them, but also to force them to sit down and truely talk but I'm not sure even that would help. They are doing damage with every word and every silence and everything they do.
These three. Their relationship is so broken at this point. I want to weep.
(Question: is there a name for these three's relationship? In the fandom I mean?)
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