Exploring Life For What It Is

"She is clothed with strength and dignity. She laughs without fear of the future." -Proverbs 21:35

[alexa-hill]

Research 2

LOL at my life. I just typed this long thing out and it got deleted... no idea how. But here I am again, ROUND 2. 

So... I didn’t realize how behind I was but all of a sudden it hit me and I had to make mature decision to take a week of softball off. Now that may not sound like a big deal, but to me it is. I love playing this sport and it’s my senior year(last year playing) with a team that I love to be around so it was a hard decision but I knew I needed the week to work on this project.

It’s so weird having so much time to do something, once I focused solely on this project I got so much accomplished in such a short period of time I am so proud of myself honestly. It taught me not to procrastinate and even when you do how to get something done in a short amount of time and still turn in quality work!! Overall, looking back at this I am so proud at what I accomplished and made. My research and writing skills both improved and those two fields are always available for improvement. I think this was a great way to develop myself as a writer.  This really wasn’t THAT BAD.... 

[alexa-hill]

RESEARCH 1

WOW.... I am just now getting to this because I was so stressed out during this whole process and honestly deeply concerned and scared that I wouldn’t finish it so this was put on hold. Now that I can reflect back, I would like to punch myself in the face for not knocking this out when I could have! IT WAS SUPER ANNOYING AS TESSA POINTED OUT THAT WE HAD TO READ DORIAN GRAY DURING THIS STRESSFUL TIME, but I still could have managed my time better!! I ended getting my abstracts super late which caused a lot of my project to be rushed and I did things out of order. Procrastination will be the death of all of us one day.... ‘

Honestly, I know some of you may hate me for saying this but once I really started doing the project it was decently easy and some parts were... FUN. So after all the complaining I think my writing developed more and my research skills definitely did! 

Kaitlyn and I had many adventures at the OU library and trying to get there. First I forgot my license so I could not get a guest pass and had a little bit of time before I had to be home so I used my neighbors login who goes there but I didn’t have enough time.... THEN the next time we tried going we got into a car accident... so yeah. But don’t worry, we made it eventually!! And when we got there the librarian was extremely helpful, so it was worth it! :)

[alexa-hill]

Reflection

This is the type of book that hits you in the feels. The author does an excellent job at creating characters that you can understand and get attached to throughout the book. Jack and Ma are such transparent characters so it makes it easy to understand what they are feeling and going through. This book makes me have such a deeper appreciation for the little things in life. After watching the movie and seeing the scene where Ma shows Jack himself for the first time ever in the hospital mirror my heart just broke. He was so happy just to be able to see himself in the mirror. A reflection, something we take for granted everyday. This book, as sad as it was, is very inspirational. It makes me think about the little things more and appreciate the life that I have and realize how amazing freedom is!

[alexa-hill]

Developing...

Jack is still a little distant with his new family and isn’t very social around them. I think the author really develops the character of Jack well, Ma and Jack spend a lot of time at grandma’s house once they leave the clinic. Ma decides to do an interview about the abduction and sticks to her beliefs about Jack and how he is only hers and does NOT belong to the man who kidnapped her. I think this causes Ma to progress as a person because it pushes her to think about what happened to her. Everything that happens in this book seems to happen for a reason and always is developing the characters.

[alexa-hill]

Hospital Life

The whole second half of the book is a series of events in which Ma and Jack try to adjust to society. I find it interesting how the first half of the book is all about Room and describing it and how they made a life inside of it but the second half is about Outside and all the wonders it holds. It causes me to feel like I live in room myself because a huge portion of the book takes place inside of it, but then we are given the lens of an outsider to view Jack and Ma’s new life in the REAL WORLD. Seven years is a long time for Ma, and Jack is seeing things that he thought only existed in the TV. They stay at a Clinic where they are treated by Dr. Clay and his nurse, Noreen. Jack isn’t crazy about the hospital and is nervous when Ma’s mom comes to visit along with her new boyfriend. I started to see Jack develop as a character and open up to new people and new ideas while in this clinic. He befriends the doctor and nurses and even opens up to his family that doesn’t quite yet feel like a family. This book takes you on a journey of life and the little things we all take for granted and never really think about such as what it would be like to “start over” in a sense.

I am going to continuously use pictures from the movie because it is the best representation to help you understand what is happening. So here is the scene where Ma is showing Jack what he looks like for the first time. This is the first time Jack has seen himself. Before he never knew what he looked like because he never had a mirror to look at! This scene made my heart drop in an instant. This is one of the little things we all take for granted everyday, being able to see ourselves. It is something so precious and made my heart so happy. :) AND YES I DID SEE THE MOVIE AFTER I READ THE BOOK, I JUST HAD TO.

[alexa-hill]

JACK IS A HERO

So to continue from my last post about Jack’s escape... being the brave boy he is he jumps out of the truck but not without Old Nick catching a glimpse of him and getting out of his truck to chase after him. Jack finds a stranger to run up to, but Old Nick grabs him and fights with him trying to take him back. The stranger notices something is weird and threatens to call the police and write down his license plate number, when Old Nick hears this he lets go of Jack and runs away. During this moment my heart was going a million miles per hour without me noticing, until I paused after reading that and I felt like I was watching a scary movie! I think this is exactly what Donoghue wanted to accomplish when writing this section, when an author can create a feeling in a reader they have created something truly magical! 

The cops eventually arrive and take a scared Jack with them and try to piece together what exactly is happening and where Ma is located. Jack tells the officer about the skylight in Room and how Room is a shed which leads them in the right direction and eventually to the exact house where Jack waits in the car for Ma to come out. 

Ma is rescued safely with no sight of Old Nick, and she is reunited with her little boy. The police decide to take them to a hospital where they will be taken care of and treated for what has happened to them. Jack is full of wonder and confusion at this GINORMOUS world that never existed to him before. Freedom is such a beautiful thing, I never thought of it like that before. How beautiful the world truly is, it took me reading this to realize how lucky I am to be able to see all the beauty there is in the world and experience something new everyday!

This is a picture of Jack in the movie laying in the Truck completely mesmerized at the world he is seeing for the first time ever. This explains what I felt after reading this part of the book!

[alexa-hill]

Escape Plan

This book has always had my attention from the second I started reading it, but once Ma starts telling Jack her plan on how he’s going to escape Room I became so fascinated I couldn’t put the book down! Room is a place that is not easy to escape from soundproof walls to a keypad lock on the door, “Old Nick” as they call the man who kidnapped Ma wasn’t messing around when he planned this out. The whole time Ma is explaining her plan to Jack I’m practically shaking in fear for him and just trying to imagine what he could possibly be feeling or thinking! The author did a great job making me put myself in Jacks shoes to try and imagine his feelings in that moment, it’s such a scary thing he has to do which causes me to fall more in love with Jack and the whole story.

Ma’s plan is for Jack to pretend to be dead from a sickness. Her five year old son has to pretend to be dead and be held by the man who has held them hostage his whole life... talk about a brave boy! She is going to roll him up tightly in rug and “Old Nick” is going to come in and carry him out to his truck where he will put him in the back to take him to be buried. Jack can not breathe or move at all while Old Nick is carrying him otherwise their plan will be ruined and Old Nick will get very angry with them! Once in the truck the plan is to start rolling out of the rug and wait for the truck to come to a stop, then jump out of the truck and run to the first person he sees.

The exact short steps she tells him so he will remember are:

"Truck. Wiggle out. Jump. Run. Somebody" 

But can Jack remember?

Will he make it out alive?..... We’ll see

[alexa-hill]

“Home is where the heart is”

When I think of my querencia I think of somewhere I feel at home at. Somewhere that makes me feel confident, happy, secure, welcome, and loved. Where my heart is. I couldn’t think of just one place my hear is because it’s spread out all over! So instead of picking my house because I feel the best ther (most times) I thought of a couple places where my querencia is.

My first querencia is my church. I go to Kensington church in Troy and it has become my second home. It’s a place that I have grown and developed as a person tremendously and am welcomed with open arms. I wouldn’t be half of who I am today if it wasn’t for that church and the people there. I can’t even begin to explain the life transformations that have taken place in that home. It’s not so much focused on the church but on Jesus, so I guess the church isn’t where I feel home at after all... I mean yes I do.

 BUT JESUS is my querencia. Wherever he is I AM HOME. Kensington is the first place I have encountered the love and mercy of Him and the place I find myself at every Sunday wanting to know more and go deeper. So wherever Jesus is, is my querencia.

AND YES THIS FIRST PIC IS FROM MY CHURCH. Our high school sunday night service. And the next pic is from a church camp I attend called Never The Same.

Another place that has been my querencia ever since I could remember is the Softball fields. They always said “ A diamond is a girl’s best friend”... I took that literally. The diamond is where no matter what I can escape to and be filled with happiness. I have been apart of several families throughout my travel teams and my high school team and I love my team with all my heart. FOR ME, IT’S THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE MY QUERENCIAS. These girls are more than my teammates but a family, and we would do anything for each other. Every practice, every game we’re together.

My home is my final Querencia but I thought that was sort of cliche and obvious, but my mom is my best friend and super hero and since she is at my home that’s where my heart is. Again.... IT’S THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE THE HOME A HOME!! My house wouldn’t be considered a home to me because of all the things that have happened in it and the memories I don’t want to remember that are in it. BUT MY FAMILY IS THERE AND THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT HOME.

home is where the heart is, it’s not the place that is my querencia... 

IT’S PEOPLE.

[alexa-hill]

Room gets bigger...?

So I titled this room gets bigger because FINALLY “Ma” (don’t know her real name) tells Jack that there is more to life outside of Room’s walls. She tells him that the things he watched on TV are real, like the other humans, oceans, trees, cars etc. After telling him for 4 years that Room was the world, she undoes that and tells him the truth. At first, he doesn’t believe her and seems angry with her but I don’t think what she did was wrong. She tried to make a life for her child inside of a room, and pretended it was great. But she continues the story and starts to tell him that she was kidnapped and that they need to escape! This is where the story gets so interesting I planned on stopping at a chapter but continued until the next long section so half of the book basically. 

The whole time I’m reading this story I can’t help but think of Jaycee Dugard and how she had been kidnapped and held in captivity for 18 years and gave birth to two children, so very similar to the story of Room. And she eventually published a book about her horrific event.

Here’s a short description of what happened along with some images.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/5-years-later-jaycee-dugard-found-alive-after-18-year-captivity/

[alexa-hill]

Room :)

The book that I am reading thanks to Kreinbrings brilliant suggestion is Room by Emma Donaghue. The book is told from the five year old sons perspective which I think is brilliant to begin with, instead of the story being told from the mom who was kidnapped point of view this adds a different spin to the story. 

Quick summary: 

1) Yes, this is movie that was nominated for many awards, and is taking the hearts of many of my friends who have seen it :( Sadly I am waiting until I finish the book! 

Okay so... Room is about a women who was kidnapped as a college student by a man who built a shed in his backyard and keeps her hostage in there. The man rapes the women several times and she becomes pregnant with Jack who is turning five when the story starts. Jack and “ma” live in what they call “Room” and Jack knows nothing else outside of Room. The man only visits the mom at night to deliver food and necessities they ask for. So “ma” makes a life for Jack inside of this “Room” where they read books, play games, cook together and try to stay entertained. 

I always do this, I get so caught up in what I’m reading that I forget to do my posts. So I am backtracking because I’m halfway done with the book. But I fell in love with how Jack the child talks and narrates the book. Here’s an example “Wardrobe is wood, so I have to push the pin an extra lot. I shut her silly doors, they always squeak, even after we put corn oil on the hinges.” He doesn’t talk properly, and say the table or the door. He acts as though they are alive, and says Door, Table and some are “He’s” and other are “She’s” I think it’s incredibly adorable and adds more character to Jack.

Here’s a pic from the movie to help you understand or visualize, and yes Jack has long hair.

[alexa-hill]

Ceremony #4

Okay, so the ending was shocking to me actually....

When Tayo’s “friends” turned on him and showed him that he can’t even trust them shit went down!! I was so mad that throughout the book Tayo felt like he couldn’t trust anyone and that he didn’t belong or wasn’t valued and then this happens. I KNEW Emo was going to be an important character ever since the beginning of the book when Tayo shoved a bottle into Emos stomach and just the way Emo seems to bother Tayo. But I never expected Emo to turn on the other guys like Harley! The ending finally showed some graphic action and it became so interesting I couldn’t set the book down. I’m really happy with how the book ended, at first I didn’t know if I’d ever understand or be satisfied. 

But, I love the ending where grandma says “It seems like I already heard these stories before ... only thing is, the names sound different.” I think that really tied the whole book together and the theme of storytelling. Also I loved ending with a poem, I think that was perfect. 

[alexa-hill]

Ceremony #3

When I first started reading it I was very agitated with the lack of flow the story had and the absence of chapters. I understood that she wanted to write like a Native American and keep the culture of storytelling and how they talk alive in the book and that was definitely present, but it bothered me. Until, I realized what Rachelle said in the harkness is true! Silko wants us to keep reading and maybe that’s another reason why there aren’t any chapters! Because I usually stop at a certain chapter and pick up the next day but with this story if you stop your’e stopping in the middle of something. 

I started to become very interested in the book once it got past the constant puking, and lists of nature and animals. I know the book continues to use lists and nature and animals, but not as much as it did in the beginning. I loved the actual events that I could picture happening like when Tayo was with the Night Swan, yes it was extremely creepy and uncomfortable but Silko actually made me feel something and it was an event and not just a story it felt like. 

[alexa-hill]

Ceremony #2

Now that I am more than halfway done with the book I am starting to see the themes and symbolism slowly coming through in the text. At first it just seemed random the way the story moved around a lot and switched back and forth, but now I see that story telling is a huge part of Native American culture and I think Silko just wanted to show that through her writing because she herself is Native American. This whole book is surrounded by stories that help people change and grow which is another major theme of the book. I’m learning about Tayo’s struggle with acceptance and fitting in to his culture and surroundings. He seems very troubled but I don’t believe it’s just the PTSD, I think there’s more to it. Maybe a social interaction problem? I’m becoming more interested the more I read but I have to be honest...it’s still not one of my favs.

[alexa-hill]

Ceremony

Wow so I’m going backwards to when I first started reading this book because now I’m more than halfway done. But first of all, Our gentle instructor warned us that this book was going to be a bit of a challenge for us and after reading the first 30 pages or so I now understand what he means! So far everything is explained in superb detail, and little things become big things. I’ve read a lot about the land and cattle and I feel like I’m there with them! The poetry can be very enjoyable because it seems to tell a story and illustrate what’s happening for me, but the back and forth storytelling of the book has me super confused!! The setting jumps around and I get interested in one story and then apparently that moment ends and we move onto something new :( 

Hopefully I’ll figure this out soon.... 

[alexa-hill]

Any Questions?

UGHHH. First of all let me say, you ended the book on a cliff hanger and then in the follow up historical notes you have to end it with the sarcastic phrase “any questions?”. Uhm yes I have questions!! Thank you for so sweetly rubbing it in that I have tons of questions!

Here are just a few of my many questions:

1) Why did you chose to end the book with a cliff hanger? Why do you want the audience to be left wondering if she escaped safely with the resistance or if she got sent to the colonies under the eyes? Is it because the whole time Offred was looking for a “way out” and no matter what she got one? Because I think that’s still not cool.

2) I think this is the question most people are asking.... Why was Offred so passive? I want a girl who won’t stand for what is happening to her and the other women around her! I am just confused as to why you made her character so passive?

3) Why did you have the different rankings of women? Was it to cause tension and competition between the women so they would end up oppressing each other? Because if so, that worked quite nicely, and really reminded me of our society today!

4) Do you make us question almost everything such as why do all the women have different outfits and different colors, because you want us to form our own opinion? Is this supposed to relate to our society today and somewhat to the past with women not having any rights?

[alexa-hill]

Commanders Wives

In the book Commanders Wives are seen as women of higher status, and seem to have a life that other women would want for themselves. But if you look closely, these women are left searching for more.

Serena Joy envies Offred and is mean towards her because she is jealous that she can produce a child and she is the one having sex with her “husband”. She doesn’t have to endure pain like the Handmaids do, and she has freedom but she is still left longing for the ability to bring a child into the world.

The reason why I have a picture of Gigi Hadid, a Victoria Secret Model and celebrity is to show the comparison between Commanders Wives and celebrities. I think celebrities are people we value and are jealous of in our lives today. Teenage girls especially are obsessed with other women that are models or celebrities on TV because they see their fame and their lives for what it is and immediately want it for some reason. But deep down those people are left with an emptiness...just like Serena Joy!

[alexa-hill]

Fighting the same battle, but against each other?

The question of our hour came from Brennen which sparked a huge conversation, how is Atwood able to create agitation in us the readers? In the book Atwood creates these groups to seclude women from each other on purpose. She ranks one higher than the next, or one to have a less shitty job than another. By doing this, she is obviously turning the women against each other!! Instead of the women focusing on their oppressors(the men) they are focusing on other women who are fighting the same battle! The men are winning even more when the women turn against each other because now they're powerless. UGH IT JUST MAKES ME ANGRY!! Why don't the women stand up for each other instead of turning against each other, like your fighting the same battle here... I think another key thing that was brought up is the fact that this book touches on the fact that our society today says "it's your fault for getting raped" "your clothing provoked him" please don't even get me started on this topic... I actually did a post about it last year! I had a principal tell me it was my fault that I was sexually harassed and followed by a boy I didn't even know because I was wearing yoga pants(I was asking for it). Our society puts the blame on the women and shames them instead of solving the problem. WAKE UP SOCIETY.