Surprise, I’m trans.
So I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve been going through some things. Basically, I’ve come to a realization that I may be trans. I have a fairly feminine face and lately I’ve grown my hair out, so I’m not sure what to do...about anything. For now I’m going to buy some guys underwear and a binder to try and ease some of my dysphoria. I feel like it’s all come over me like a wave. As some other transguy put it, “I had been putting on bandaid after bandaid and eventually I ran out.” From a young age, I never liked girly things. I refused to wear dresses and skirts from age 11, started to envy men, started to get depressed when my physical strength started to fall behind theirs. I went on the depo provera shot to stop my periods, I cut my hair short and started to go and buy guys clothes at age 18, before that I just wore the most masculine t-shirts and pants I could find in women’s stores. I started working out to make my shoulders and arms bigger, but still even after everything, I cannot accept my legs, my fatty thighs, my hips and chest. I haven’t shown my legs in public since I was 11 years old, that is how much I hate them. But with all these feelings and signs, somehow I didn’t get it until now. I didn’t connect the dots.
Despite all that, I’ve decided to change my internet username across all sites to AlexanderJade, you can call me Alex. Alex. Alex.
It sounds so much better than “Amber” the name I’ve always hated, the name that never felt like mine. I never felt like an Amber, probably because I never was an Amber. I was always an Alex.
If anyone has some advice for a late bloomer and beginner with all things trans then please tell me.
