life is war

oh how he wants, and he wants and he wants, until he wants too much. oh how it grows, and it grows and it grows, until it grows too much. oh how it hurts, and it hurts and it hurts, until it hurts too much. and it’s still not enough.

[alexanderxgabriel]

cyrus.

Cyrus nodded. “Yeah,” he said, allowing Gabriel to take a small lead on him as he took his tablet out, scrolling through files to find the most recent version of a map of the mines. “Let me know if you see a panel ahead, I can update these schematics,” he offered. He looked up for a bit, between gazes, as he marked intersections, wondering why exactly Kenna seemed to have so much tension with the individual in front of him. He was lean, sure, handsome, yes, but he didn’t seem to give Kenna much of his attention. Perhaps he was playing hard to get? 

Which was something Cyrus didn’t like, because he was rather the opposite. “Do you think there might be false play? Armies out of the field just as the mine collapses? Perhaps a bit too much of a coincidence,” he said, more to himself really. He didn’t know anything about Gabriel, he wasn’t about to make his own opinions known. He had no loyalties to either city, not really hate either, that was too strong an emotion that would cancel out his internal paranoia. 

***

“Okay.” He had nothing left to say. He was on a mission and he was going to focus on it. It was easier than trying to bond and get to know one another. Gabriel doubted his time with the pirates would last long; he didn’t belong. It was a means to an end. A way to further his own goals. It was simpler that way. It was how he preferred to live his life. He knew he’d join the army. Simple. He knew he’d help save lives. Simple. He didn’t know he’d end up killing innocents in the name of a tyrant. That sent him into a tailspin, and now he was desperate to revert back to a form of simplicity, a form of ignorance. “I think I see one to the right up there.” He pointed up as they walked through the mines.

“That’s a good observation.” His eyes trailed the walls, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. “I think you’re right. There is nothing coincidental in the war. It’s all coordinated. I don’t know what it all means yet, but someone is trying to destroy something.” Blue eyes moved to the ground in a desperate search for human life. “Could be the City of Iron. If they can’t have the mines, no one can.” So quick to blame the people he still saw as the enemy. A fact that had been drilled into his head over and over. One he would never shake. Coming to a sudden holt, he held a hand up, signaling his companion to stop. “Look. Footprints. They could be old, but they are staying towards the right. We should follow them and see where it takes us.”

[alexanderxgabriel]

CYRUS.

Location: the caves of the mines @alexanderxgabriel​

Cyrus had never actually been inside one of the mines. He had heard of it, he had read about it, he had even pretended to be a veteran - only to those who would think he was something else - yet he had never set a foot inside of it. 

“There’s supposed to be twenty,” Cyrus said, holding out a large flashlight into the first cave. Sometimes the lights flickered on and off, right now they were off. He turned to meet Gabriel’s eyes. Over the past two weeks, Cyrus had slowly fallen in love with Kenna, and he was very much misreading the gazes shared between her and Gabriel. Something was going on between them, and he was pining. “Want to take the lead, amigo?” 

***

Unsettled. On edge. He didn’t like being here and wanted to get out as quickly as possible. He swore he could hear echoes of fighting. That wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was he felt compelled to take up arms. Felt compelled to claim this territory in the name of the City of Wheats. He could do it. He spent his whole life doing it. The people were distracted by the collapse. They wouldn’t be expecting an attack. No one would, and he would have the upper hand. It was a thought that gave him confidence. Head held high. Back straight as a stick as he was almost smiling. Gabriel held this feeling close to his chest, using it as a distraction from past desires.

“Okay.” He nodded his head as he listened, engaged in the mission they were embarking on. He didn’t know much about Cyrus. But he didn’t know much of anyone, preferring to keep to himself. As long as he was away from Kennedy, he was happy to be paired with Cyrus for this. “Sure,” he said, his voice indifferent. “It shouldn’t be too hard to find twenty miners.” It was idle chit chat as he led them through the cave, his own flashlight now illuminating a small path. “That’s a lot. If they’re smart, they stayed group together. You can’t miss a group of twenty miners.” The words were used to distract himself, to fill up space so he couldn’t sink too far into his memories. 

[alexanderxgabriel]

Citrine Focus, Ruby Craze

Citrine Focus: Are they able to multi-task or do they prefer to keep at one thing at a time?

he can multi-task! he’s overwhelmed at any given point in time because he sees how far the world has to go until it reaches what he believes is “good”. he sees how much work there is to do, so he’s able to work on multiple different tasks at one time as he thinks it’ll go too slow if he focuses on one thing at a time. 

Ruby Craze: Are they a passionate person or do they tend to be more down-to-earth?

he is passionate! he is out here literally sacrificing his life to try to make the world a safe place, and it’s really the only thing keeping him going. 

[apocryphics]

[alexanderxgabriel]

KENNEDY.

WHO: @alexanderxgabriel​

WHEN: a bit after the event

WHERE: truck 

Even in sleep, he seemed restless. Distressed. Lines etched in his forehead and fists lightly clenched at his sides, as if he was fighting an enemy in his dreams. Shoulders slightly hunched inwards, and faintly she wondered if he could feel her presence even with his eyes shut. 

Faintly, she wondered if he was fighting her. The thought only brought a smile to her lips. 

Kennedy dabbed with the antibiotic soaked cotton to the small cuts on his face, his head rested on her lap. The sleeping quarters of the truck was quiet, most of the crew either tending to their wounds or debriefing with Cian. Gabriel had fallen unconscious as soon as the truck was safely on its way back to dust, his body seeming to sense that it was okay to collapse, registering the gunshot wound belatedly. Ever the loyal soldier, the selfless hero. 

She wondered if anyone had told him that heroes were always destined to fall. 

Some morbid, perverse part of her wanted to reach out and touch his wound. To press and press until the bandage was stained red. To see if she would hurt, knowing it had been her fault. To see if she cared. Kenna hadn’t been questioned when she’d volunteered to take care of Gabriel, and she supposed it was expected — he’d gotten shot covering for her, after all. But it wasn’t guilt or obligation that glittered in her eyes now. 

Instead, she studied his features with a sort of apt curiosity. Her fingers brushed away a stray lock of golden hair and she wondered if he could feel the insincerities in her actions, even as her touch was no less gentle, no less tender. Sometimes, Kenna managed to deceive even herself. Though if there was anyone that could discern the way her halo glowed a bit too bright, divinity nothing more than an artificial spotlight, she thought it would be him. 

She didn’t move away when she felt him stir awake, her fingers lingering against his skin. “Alexander.”

Stepping into the truck had been like stepping into another world. One where they were safe. And with that, the pain of his wounds became apparent. He closed his eyes and the world went dark. 

Tossing and turning, memories floating in and out of his mind. He thought he felt Kennedy nearby. He couldn’t tell what was real and what was a memory. 

The fog lifted but he made no move to open eyes. He felt something strong surrounding him – a sensation he turned in to. He felt something soft and gentle dancing across his skin. He could stay here forever. But the memories crept back in. Even in consciousness they followed him like ghosts. The battle. He didn’t know what happened. Gabriel forced his eyes open. He heard Kennedy speak his name. With the one word, he was full of disgust. Disgust with her. Disgust with himself. He shot up, his head protesting and the room spinning, pushing himself across the floor and away from her.

She’d taken advantage of his weakness again. Again and again and again. She proved herself to be untrustworthy. It had been in the heat of fighting. He wasn’t thinking clearly. There was a desperation in that battle. Desperation to save more lives as he continued taking and taking.

“You need to leave. Not just this room, but this team.” He watched her with a certain type of fear. Fear that came from anger. Fear that came with knowing what she was capable of. 

[alexanderxgabriel]

REMI.

who: @alexanderxgabriel

where: outskirts

he seemed a little off upon returning. something in the way his features contorted and fingers moved. the way her teasing got less of a response than usual. and while remi would never claim herself as someone who paid much mind to most things, alexander’s mannerisms were at least something she could assume she knew enough about by now to pick up on slighter details.

it’s what led them to where the pair currently resided, with remi dragging him along the outskirts of a good portion of civilization so that they might have some peace — to kickback, mostly. to speak, if necessary. although again, remi would never claim that as her strong suit. the occasional ring of a gunshot bouncing against metal or some sort of obstruction, at least, was the most sound heard for a fair bit of time and remi was now busying herself with watching gabriel line up his next shot as she grasped the neck of a nearby bottle of liquor. It was unmarked, in the way things occasionally were in the dust, but it smelled vaguely of whiskey, and so she’d taken it without complaint. 

goading her companion, however, was never at all out of her capacity to do, particularly when he seemed to take a little longer than usual to pin down his mark. or maybe that was the liquor.

“come on, wonderboy. didn’t you say you could make this shot with your eyes closed? or were you just bullshitting me?”

***

His hands were shaking. It wasn’t like him, but he couldn’t seem to get them to stop.

It was humiliating really. He was Alexander Gabriel. He was better than this. But he felt like nothing in front of Kennedy earlier that day. Everything that had gone wrong in his life he blamed on her. Maybe that wasn’t fair. He could have spoken up earlier. He could have tried harder. It was useless to dwell on what he should have done; he couldn’t change that. He chose to dwell on what actually happened and making sure it never happened again. 

It was a nice distraction, but he was so wound up that it was hard for him to let go. That and his shaking hands. He appreciated what Remi was trying to do, acknowledged it somewhere in the back of his brain. It would have been better if he was doing well, if only to rub it in her face. Three shots in a row. Three skimming the side of the bottle, past where he imagined a bullseye to be. This was his specialty, and while he wasn’t doing bad, he felt like he was crashing and burning.

Lowering the gun, he turned to her with a glare ready. “I don’t feel the need to impress you I suppose,” he shot back, the words already helping to get his head straight. “Even if this isn’t my peak performance, I know I’m better than you, and I can sleep easy with that knowledge.” The corner of his mouth quirked up in the form of a challenge. 

[orthographewrites]

Garrett Hedlund Breaks Down Netflix’s ‘Triple Frontier’ And Meaning Behind Airborne Ranger Cadence

[alexanderxgabriel]

CIAN.

Cian studied Gabriel for the longest time, watching him carefully as he spoke. There was a tendency of soldiers, former soldiers, who couldn’t put down arms, who continued to wish to fight. He wasn’t surprised that so many had flocked to the gang, that so many had fallen into his crew. He wouldn’t be surprised either if he would come to rely on them, or even owe them his life. He just hoped it was all under the right circumstances. Although he knew it wouldn’t.

Cian nodded at the words, but as much as he enjoyed discussing certain subjects, missions weren’t completely in his hands. Whether it was Bashi, Jae, or Sam telling him what to do or where to go, he had to take responsibility and know the reasonings behind it. “There might be, but none that would travel the desert unaccompanied by hoards of soldiers. She’s on a peace mission, we are pretending to be merchants, but Dusters as well. We’re counting on the fact that she too knows that she will be safer with us than with her own committee.”

He paused. “What is bothering you, amigo, you are tense.”

***

There was a certain truth he couldn’t bring himself to speak. The reason he had ended up here. His accomplishments preceded him, and he wanted to keep it that way. He didn’t want others to know of the time he had failed or why he failed. It was embarrassing, and Gabriel didn’t want that to be the thing that defined him. So he kept his mouth shut about it, but the nerves were creeping in. He’d made the mistake to trust Kennedy before, and here was his chance to save others from doing the same. But he wasn’t an orator, and he didn’t know how to articulate this to Cian, the man he directly reported to. 

“Tense? I’m not tense.” He forced his shoulders to relax and unclasp his hands, taking in a deep breath through his nose as if to physically dispute what he said. Cian was right, but Gabriel wasn’t in the habit to ever admit that anything was bothering. He needed to project this idea that he was strong, that he was untouchable. “I don’t think we can trust Kennedy. I’ve met her before. I need you to take my word on this.” 

[weltenwellen]

“You don’t ask people with knives in their stomachs what would make them happy; happiness is no longer the point. It’s all about survival; it’s all about whether you pull the knife out and bleed to death or keep it in.”

— Nick Hornby, How to Be Good

[alexanderxgabriel]

FORD.

⊹   ⊹   ⊹

It was all too easy to get taken back in moments like those, an explosion breaking through the silence, the ground rattling as Ford stands there overlooking it all. The smoke rising, but he blinks and he remembers smoke trails streaming in sunlight, and blood on his boots. Having Gabriel besides him helped, it was always like that for Stanford. Being surrounded by others helping him hold together pieces. The two of them walking, the air stale around them, thick in the lungs. But they fall into step, quiet and quick, every evidence these two men were once soldiers- or perhaps still were, written across their every move. 

“A stray explosion?” Ford finds himself suggesting at first. With the battles going on it’s not hard to believe one got too far lost. “Maybe a territory mark, someone wants to take Crash.” There’s no panic in his tone as they approach, gently working their way through the crowd. “Feels awful coincidental we’re here though. Peaceful town my ass.”

Gabriel was right though, those who gathered seemed to do so in a panic, making it all that much harder to make their way closer. “They’re panicked, but they’re not gonna stop us. If you want though we can see if there’s some less crowded ways in, doubt many people are cornering themselves in alleyways at the moment.”

***

“Wanting to take Crash – that would have been my guess,” he hummed in agreement. He’d swapped one army for another, but the cause stayed the same. There was one unflinching goal he was working toward, had been aiming for his entire life. His mind worked well when it came to tactical strategy, but it seemed to fail when it came to understanding why people did certain things. Why they blew things up. Why they abandoned an army. Why they betrayed one another. Gabriel had known who he was supposed to be and never once questioned it. It was a simple fact of his life and didn’t require much analysis to understand his motivations.

“Even on the edge, it’s still in a war zone. They have no idea of what peace is.” Peace. A conceptual idea. Even Gabriel didn’t know exactly what it was, but nonetheless, he clung to the idea desperately. 

He considered their options. Considered whether people would be fleeing in dark corners or blending in with the crowd. His eyes continuously scanned the surroundings, looking for anything that stood out as unusual. While his muscles were tense, ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice, he did it best to make it seem he was just worried about the explosion. “We better stick with the crowd, Ford. It’ll draw less attention towards us, and we can see if there is anyone who seems to stand out. It’s more people to eavesdrop on. We can listen and see what the people are saying.” With that, he made a beeline to the crowds, slipping in like an average civilian and confident Ford followed. 

[pandorasvalley-rpg]

ABOUT.

name: alexander gabriel, but he goes by gabriel

age: 33

gender + pronouns: cis male, he/him

role: the sharpshooter

city of birth: city of wheats

alignment: anti-war

species: human

BIOGRAPHY.

(001) there was never any question about whether or not alexander gabriel would be a soldier. his mother swore up and down that they day he was born, the gods told her that her first and only son would be great. with these promises, his parents never had any more children, devoting their time towards farming and praising the gods, and towards making their son a weapon.

(002) he grew up on myths and stories of great heroes, of people who saved the world and were eternally loved. the stories glossed over what it took to become a hero, something gabriel only learned as he enlisted in the green army.

(003) he rose through the ranks of the army as he made a name for himself because he would do anything for glory. there was a distinct lack of conscience, of unique thought. he plowed on like a dog with a bone, not considering the consequences of his actions, only imaging how his story would be written.

(004) the loss of lives bore down on his brain as the weight of the world bore down on atlas. the guilt had physical manifestations, taking over his body like a disease. one mission set him over the edge, as it was the first time he questioned orders. it had always been easier when he was silent. betrayed, no longer trusting the command of the green army, he fled.

(005) it wasn’t a home he’d found with the pirates, but it was better than nothing. armed with the idea of putting an end to the war, he’s willing to go to any means necessary to achieve peace, unable to give up the idea of being a hero. his values might not align with everyone’s in the crew, but it’s something he’s learning to look past for his personal goals. gabriel’s loyalty is, first and foremost, to the people who don’t get to have their voices heard.

PERSONALITY.

positive: loyal, hard-working, principled, resourceful

negative: prideful, imprudent, self-righteous, stubborn

HEADCANONS.

(001) it was a hard habit to break, but he doesn’t worship the gods anymore. he still believes in them, but he doesn’t trust them after all the carnage he’s seen.

(002) it was his talent with guns that first got him recognized, with his buddies joking that he could shoot a moving target with his eyes closed. his raw talent and dedication helped him find glory during his time with the army.

(003) he prefers solitude. his life has been set on one path for as long as he can remember. finding it hard to relate with others until he joined the army, he never had many friends growing up. still, it can be hard for him to be alone because, in the quiet moments, he can’t help but remember all the blood he spilled.

[alexanderxgabriel]

CIAN.

Cian had been taught the lesson of leadership in the desert: the full trust of your crew was rare. Trust was the most valuable currency, but also the hardest to keep. One move that didn’t set well with others, and you had lost it. He believed it was one of the reasons why every attempt at a successful rebellion failed. There wasn’t a single person who could hold the beliefs of the rebels and pirates for longer than one successful mission. He thought it was why the unofficial leader was a mystery.

When Gabriel, former soldier, pacing with intent, came up to him, Cian had been going over the mission with a lingering head ache, trying to get a better image of where their enemies were. He wasn’t even surprised at his orders being questions, just annoyed, though the emotion only reached his eyes. “We could do better,” Cian said, taking a moment to put his tablet away. “Kennedy Maddox can give us intell that goes beyond army intelligence,” he shared. Big plans, big risks.

***

Full of hubris, he often imagined he didn’t need anyone else. He wanted to believe he was so talented, so skilled, that he could do everything on his own. But his goals were too lofty, and he needed help. It was how he found himself with this group of rebels. He thought his time in the Green Army made him seasoned, made him wise, made him better than anyone here. In reality, he was young and blind to the workings of the world.

Gabriel felt like a scolded child, not upset about the punishment but upset because he knew better. Even if he thought he was the most skilled one here, Cian was still in charge and Gabriel reported to him. His hands clasped together in front of him, held so tightly as to create a slight pain to level him. Eyes glued to the ground, he couldn’t look the other head on. He had a sound argument, but Gabriel knew deep down that it was a bad idea, that there was no way they could trust Kennedy. It was hard, getting the words out, but they needed to be said for the safety of the crew.

“Yes, but there has to be others we can talk to. Who’s to say that she’d join us in the first place? After all, she’s in a position of honor and has a powerful fiancé.” 

[magicview]

Visit Original Link

Glory and Gore - Lorde

You could try and take us  But we’re the gladiators Everyone a ranger  But secretly they’re saviours Glory and gore go hand in hand That’s why we’re making headlines You could try and take us But victory’s contagious

[alexanderxgabriel]

KENNA.

.

For what it was worth, Kenna’s smile was genuine. 

Because it was obvious, even as Gabriel’s lips curved upwards, that he wasn’t skilled at hiding his emotions. His eyes gave away too much, figure visibly tensed. A bow string drawn backwards, taunt until it was sharp enough to cut. Doubtless, it had always been one the qualities that had drawn her to him in the beginning — in a world where masks were sealed so tightly that people often came to forget what was underneath, Gabriel had been a welcome surprise. A breath of fresh air. 

And she’d tainted him. 

She could see it now — the thinly concealed anger, the ache for a fight. What did it say about her, that she took an almost perverse pleasure in the sight?

Kenna stepped closer, until the fabric of her skirts brushed up against his legs. Until she was sure he could smell the lavender and cedar wood she used in her hair, smile never dimming from her features. “He’s back in Wheats,” she shrugged, gaze never leaving his. A corner of her mouth lifted, silent dare glittering in her eyes. As if she knew exactly where his thoughts led. She tilted her head slightly, delicate skin of her neck exposed, so easily crushed by hands. Or lips. Kenna’s voice was low as she spoke, with a softness that resembled something like vulnerability. “It’s just me here.” 

***

He knew now certain things were better left to dreams and to fairytales. Like the idea that people were inherently good. Or the idea that heroes were untouchable, that they were virtue personified. Everyone was a villain in their own way as pure intentions only went so far. Kennedy had taught him that lesson. She had pulled up the veil that covered his eyes. The veil that made him think everything he did was righteous. The only righteous thing left with him was his anger. 

Nothing more than a weapon, he had no mind for this political game. Subtly wasn’t a word he knew, and it was difficult for him to say anything other than what he truly meant. But he had to try. Gabriel couldn’t let the crew down as he felt he let the Green Army down. So he continued to smile at Kenna and to show her the same exact kindness she had once shown him.

She was practically handing him the dagger. There would be no better chance than now, and as she stepped closer, overwhelming him, he seriously considered it. Considered taking her to an alley and giving her all the payback she deserved. But Cian’s words rang in his head, and he knew he had to let her live, no matter what it cost him. It was a sacrifice, and he had to give up a piece of himself to make it, but he’d been sacrificing himself for years.

“It’s not safe for such a revered priestess such as yourself to be out here all alone. Are you here shopping?” He asked, nodding his head in the direction of the market. Bent at the elbow, he offered her an arm. “It would be my honor to escort you. We have so much catching up to do.” Standing tall, his back straight, Gabriel did everything to appear to be the same soldier he was when they met. 

[twinkubus]

[the-lily-maid-of-astolat]

Lord Byron – Cain, 1821

[alexanderxgabriel]

KENNA.

closed starter for: @alexanderxgabriel​

location: outskirts of crash market

The act of betrayal was easy. 

She hadn’t hesitated, as she never had. As she never would. Because people like her couldn’t afford to gamble with a maneuver on the board, couldn’t afford to spare a second for silly sentiments like morality. So the decision had been easy — and if she could go back in time, she would have done the same. 

But even with that knowledge, it was the aftermath that was difficult. The betrayal that seemed to make his eyes bright with anger when Gabriel had realized. The disbelief. She thought it was funny, how heat was depicted as red when the hottest part of the flame burned blue. Kenna had almost staggered with relief when he’d walked away, content to lock the memory into storage along with other boxes marked by humanity. 

She should have known that the gods did not forget. 

It was on the outskirts of the market that she spotted him — more unkempt than the last time they’d met, but still wearing the air of a man accustomed to victory. It was a shock, even as she had recognized his photograph weeks earlier among intel on the rest of the crew. She’d deigned to ignore it back then — a mistake, as Kenna found her default open smile frozen on her lips as their gazes met. 

After a beat, she composed herself, striding over to him, the train of her skirts picking up sand as she walked. “Alexander. Gözümün nuru.” The corners of her mouth curled upwards as the endearment rolled off her tongue. If there was a hint of irony in her lilt, then surely it was a mere trick of the wind. “You look well.” 

***

His heart skipped a beat when he saw her. It was an inevitable encounter, something he’d been preparing himself for since he learned of the mission, but he knew now nothing ever would have prepared him for this moment.

Perhaps, he was most worried he would fall under her spell again. One look from her and he would feel humbled. It was nowhere close to that as he saw nothing but red and then white as he stared at her. It took every ounce of self-control not to strangle her where she stood or turn her inside out, so everyone could see the serpent lurking beneath her beautiful face. 

He couldn’t act on anything of these desires. Rather, he had to be kind and even act grateful to see her. He was a soldier through and through, but he knew this would be his hardest assignment yet.

As she approached, he pulled his jacket tight around himself, a form of physical protection against her charm. He forced a smile to his face, stretching it wide enough that it would hide the pure hatred in his eyes. Bile rose in his throat at the nickname, her words reaching out to strangle him, to entrap him in her grasp once again. But he wasn’t the naive boy he’d once been. The ghosts that haunted him wouldn’t allow that. “Kenna.” His eyes softened with the word. “I must confess I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, but you’re looking as radiant as ever.” Every word a dagger to what little integrity he had left. “What are you doing out here? Where’s your fiance?” His eyes roamed the street around them, searching for the man who ruled his nightmares. 

[alexanderxgabriel]

FOR @captain-dawnlight​

He was pacing back and forth, wearing a hole in the floor as his thoughts moved faster than his feet. He’d been contemplating this from the moment he learned of the mission. But memories of the last time he questioned orders raced through his head. He didn’t regret it, but with it came months of pain and suffering, and he wasn't quite ready to face the same outcome again. 

It didn’t come naturally to him. He was like a bull, putting his head down and running straight ahead rather than think critically or raise questions about something. Working to change that nature had proven more than difficult. Life was simple when he followed instructions, giving him nothing but glory and a guilty conscience. 

With a racing heart and sweaty hands, he found the courage to approach Cian. “Captain, sir, can I talk to you for a moment?” Without waiting for an answer, he proceeded to his real question. “Why do we need to recruit Kennedy Maddox? I think we’ve been doing just fine without her and can continue to operate without her help.”