A Veritable Library of Alexandria @alexandrianmuse - Tumblr Blog

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ladytengen

sandersstudies

Activist sister: I’m concerned about American free speech being threatened.

Little brother: What do you mean? We still have free speech. I can say penis balls right now.

sandersstudies

Help I’m hearing it in their voices now

speedlimit15

When youre a kid youre like wtf adults are making themselves sick with poisons and when youre an adult youre like i need more poisons ASAP

speedlimit15

Of all the tags on this post this is the one that worries me most

soup-mother

Hi I'm American movie director, here's my idea for a live action movie based on a widely beloved series: Ok so a team of US soldiers are transported to another world.

soup-mother

Bold new direction for the zelda CDI series

soup-mother

I was gonna make a joke about sonic, then remembered the sonic movies, then I was gonna make a joke about pacman, and remembered pixels. So really the point here is that the United States is Satan.

arnaerr

It is said that the ancient royal city of Farum Azula has been slowly crumbling since time immemorial.

commission

✦ prints ✦ more on patreon

twistcmyk

jesterbots

genuinely one of the saddest parts of this new era of the internet is how hard it is to rick roll someone now. with people's attention spans shortening so much, they wouldn't even get through the first few bait seconds before clicking off the video. like i saw a comment that ended with "btw i made all of this up" and the replies kept treating it so seriously because none of them finished the entire 4 sentence comment. and We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I (do I) A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

mortalityplays

if you spend your life bitching and complaining about the fact people are 'expected' to engage in the dreaded pointless banal '''small talk''' instead of learning to trade pleasantries with the people around you, you will never know the true and heady joy of doing a dumb bit with a complete stranger and as a result your soul will remain small

mortalityplays

there are random strangers out there who are just waiting to hear all the worst jokes your dad ever told you and if you don't open yourself to the delight of saying hello how's it going, och you know, living the dream as always, you will simply never find them

mortalityplays

I've had this post muted for so long I forgot I wrote it, and when I saw it again I was like "haha remember how unbelievably angry some people got with me about this" and looked in the notes. reader they are still unbelievably angry about being baseline pleasant to strangers.

acidgums

I'm an absolute slay the spire noob but I'm having a good time with the freaks 👍

redstonedust

crazy that you can meet heterosexual people on the internet. im so used to gay people in my phone. sometimes there are straight people in my phone too. big news if true.

yvfu

there's something incestuous about seasoning tofu with soy sauce

skluug

crazy that soy can be turned into both flavorless texture and textureless flavor. maybe we should try just keeping both?

derinthescarletpescatarian

Let's try for neither. Take the texture and the flav

Oh wait that's soy milk. Rescind post.

baglieg

redstonedust

crazy that you can meet heterosexual people on the internet. im so used to gay people in my phone. sometimes there are straight people in my phone too. big news if true.

guerrillatech

midwest-merman-deactivated20210

Let service industry workers say “fuck” please

biblioaesthetica

I used to work at a sandwich place that also did lattes n stuff. We’d get nasty customers every once in a while, and when we did, we got to unleash Neal. Let me explain...no, it is too much, let me sum up:

The manager moved from the deep south to get this job, he’d been looking for a job in the PNW, and he somehow talked the owners into letting his platonic life mate, Neal, be the Assist Manager. So he, his wife, and his BFF forever come and take over this shop but the owners must not have actually...spoken...to Neal. He was INSANE. I mean, I never had trouble with him, but he frightened the new girls with his crazy eyes, liked knives way too much and looked like one of those tiny white guys who was spoiling for a fight and couldn’t back it up...except he could. 500 pounds of crazy in a 120 pound bag, you might say. But he was perfect, PERFECT for jerk customers who bullied new girls. Here’s an example:

So one day, I’m schlepping sandwiches, and I see the new coffee girl just...get yelled at by this big dude, who seemed way too comfortable yelling at strangers in front of other strangers in a line behind him, and maybe, if this had been somewhere else, he would have gotten away with it, because I have noticed strangers let randos yell at hapless teen college student girls who are tiny and just trying to get a buck man wow that is a whole ass THING anyway I stepped away from my sandwich, went into the back where Neal was slicing vegetables happily with a knife and tapped him in for an intervention.

My man Neal steps out from the back with knife in hand, bless. Steps up to the front and watching the chain reaction of coworkers hiding smiles, customers get big eyes, the new girl being alarmed and confused, and the big dude yelling just...not knowing what was about to happen was this...free show I just ate up om nom nom.

He does the managerial, what seems to be the problem (knife in hand), guy yells, wants his money back. Neal is all, so sorry, sure you can have money back (knife in hand slowly moving), guy yells, new girl steps back, unsure. Neal is all, but you can’t yell, sir, this a place of business, can’t we be reasonable (knife finally rest on counter, now Neal goes for his apron strings uh oh), and all the workers know this means Neal is about to be able to claim he was on break when he punched this guy.

Snacks are coming out. Tea is being drunk. Sandwiches are not being made. The whole place is bated breath on the free show. This is prime popcorn.gif territory irl.

Neal asks the dude to step outside, and the dude goes out! Big plate glass windows, everyone can see but not hear as the beast is unleashed. Neal is up in his grill, not touching, waiting just waiting for the yelling big dude to make the first point of contact. And folks, I am here to tell you that dumbass pushed Neal first and wow have you ever seen a hunting terrier just go for the ankles and take a beast down? It was like that. This guys chickened out so fast from the force of the maniac Assist Mngr ‘on his break’ and it was a beautiful thing to watch. Dude never came back, and the new girl was way more comfortable after that.

So hey. If you ever talk your way into running a shop where you know assholes are going to be mean to your workers, make sure to bring your feral best friend with the crazy eyes who likes knives way too much to defend them.

sunnyvicky

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A twitter post by @JakeWoody reading "This girl at Starbucks yelled across the place 'that's enough ice!' [Quote in caps] and the barista yelled back 'this isn't your order' [Three clapping emojis]", there's a reply by @onlyluvcanconka reading "Happened to us last week. Was making an iced tea and lemonade and some lady started yelling 'NO NO NO!" Me and 2 other baristas yelled back 'this isn't yours' [quote in caps] I'm [sic] unison. Like girl mind your fucking business you aren't the only person in the damn store. The entitlement.", same user continues replying down the chain with "Sometimes I be wilding out in Starbucks. Some guy ordered a strawberry açaí and I put a small one at the hand off and he goes 'I ordered a venti' so I went 'are you Gabriella sir? No? Alright then.' Ive fucking had it with them [crying laughing emoji]"

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linssweater

This thread omg

thejeksburyguy

Family doesn’t have to be blood related.

Sometimes family is a righteously angry little girl, her supportive brother, a random stranger with a thirst for chaos and justice, two foreign grandmas, and The Rest Of The Plane.

ace-trainer-alice

sadistgirl cutely blushing and looking away and stumbling over its words as it asks if it can press on the pretty purple bruise on your thigh it noticed earlier because it really wants to listen to the noises you'll make.