AA

I've semi-retired from blogging, but occasionally I'll pop in to share a life update. In the meantime, enjoy 5+ years of old posts covering everything from personal stories, humor, pop culture, ranting & raving, and much more. Thanks for stopping by!

[alia15]

Chicago, 2023.

I once blogged about a quick work trip I took to this city in June 2018, and mentioned how I fell in love with it at the time. I fell in love with it so much, in fact, that it was always on my list for another visit at some point.

Well, five years later, I did get to go back -- and this time, with my favorite travel partner! We crammed a LOT in within three full days in Chicago, but I wanted to share our faves/highlights from the long weekend, in case you're thinking of visiting:

Must-Do's

A ball game at Wrigley, if you can! Leo is a baseball fanatic, so the goal is always to see a world renowned stadium wherever we travel in the US. You'll get to see a historic ballpark, the famous "seventh inning stretch" where the crowd sings "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," and even get to experience some of the cool bars and restaurants in the area, including one with a batting cage inside.

Architectural boat tour -- can't recommend it enough! Chicago looks very similar to New York City with its amazing skyscrapers/buildings, but as a New Yorker I gotta say: their buildings are SO much nicer than ours. So much history, incredible designs, and so aesthetically pleasing (minus that comically large TRUMP tower that lurks over the river). Doing a boat tour on the river allows you to take in all the gorgeous views, get a history lesson on the city and its architecture, AND even have a cocktail while doing it.

Navy Pier. We didn't have a LOT of time here, but if we had another day we would have went back. Fun area to walk around, explore, and even get on a ferris wheel, which we did ;)

Food tours! Leo and I LOVE these and do them often, even in New York where we live. It's a fantastic way to see a city/neighborhood, experience it's culinary specialties, meet people and....well, get your steps in. We did Bobby's Bike Hike on our first night there and got to see all the big landmarks (the "Bean," the Chicago theater) and try all the quintessential Chicago foods: a deep-dish pizza (loved it), a Chicago hot dog and an Italian beef. YES CHEF.

Restaurants/Bars

Girl & the Goat. Don't miss it if you're a foodie, love a trendy spot, and love a "different" kind of menu (one of the dishes we ordered was "pig face). The food was out of this world -- along with the service -- and even though we were seated very close to other patrons and the noise level was up there, this was a huge highlight for us. Great meal, dessert AND cocktails.

Rooftop bars: Cindy's and LondonHouse. The former has a great view of Millennium Park and The Bean, and the latter overlooks the river and all the surrounding buildings. We had drinks at both and highly recommend for the views alone!

The Franklin Room. Another great dinner here (River North area) in a more unassuming spot that felt like a more local, neighborhood joint but had great food.

The Riverwalk: we spent a lot of time here and bopped in and out of so many places -- I recommend The Northman Beer & Cider garden which is a cute outdoor brewery area, River Roast (we came for a drink/charcuterie but looked like a nice restaurant with great water views), and TacoRio. There are so many others we didn't get to stop in that looked great: Beatnik, Tiny Tapp, City Winery, O'Briens. On a nice day you really can't go wrong enjoying the scene and you can easily access all the locations.

We stayed at the Kimpton Monaco downtown which also has a restaurant attached (Fisk & Co.) and enjoyed our stay there. We were in a prime location and the room was nice, plus the staff.

Chicago is an awesome city, and if you've never been, I would DEFINITELY add it to your list.

XO,

AA

[alia15]

my breast reduction.

Years spent with crippling neck, shoulder and back pain.

[alia15]

Aliskor15 on LTK

Shop the latest from Aliskor15 on LTK, the easiest way to shop everything from your favorite influencers.

Hello! I pop in here occasionally to announce big things and to me, this feels big. After years -- literally years -- of sharing my #OOTDs on socials, I finally have a LIKEtoKNOW.it account!

I doubt there’s a woman on this planet who doesn’t know what LTK is, so I’ll spare you the explanation. Just know you can now “shop my looks” (outfits, beauty/skincare, accessories, houseware, etc.!) at the link above. Give me a follow! I still don’t have swipe-ups on Instagram (rude) but I am always happy to send links over directly for anything, too.

That’s all for now, but maybe I’ll be back with a life update soon!

[alia15]

The Impact of the Past Year on Friendships

I texted a friend the other day — a good friend that I’ve known since college but barely get to talk to much these days. “I miss you!” I told her, followed by something I feel like I write a lot these days.

“Can we catch up soon?”

She wrote back, and so we went back and forth listing our schedules. She’s a mom of two who runs her own business and has more availability to chat during the week, and I work full time and am in a black hole of digital media mayhem Monday through Friday, and finally get my head above water on weekends.

Needless to say, it’s been a week since that text exchange and we still haven’t nailed down a day or time to talk.

And this is for a goddamn PHONE date, mind you. Not even a real, in person plan— which I prefer, by the way.

This past year has negatively impacted so many aspects of people’s lives, but I’ve been thinking a lot about the impact of this pandemic on friendships, specifically. My relationship with my husband is strong; same with our immediate families. But why am I feeling like so many of my friendships are struggling?

Well, it’s a simple explanation. I’m not seeing them.

Leo & I have erred more on the side of caution — especially since this past fall when we realized a second surge of the virus had hit— and as a result, keep our routines pretty simple. We go to work: him, in a mask, in an office, and me: virtually, in loungewear in our home on Long Island. All of the weekly errands we run and activities we do are in masks: things like the chiropractor (for both of us; getting older is fun!), Pilates (me), grocery shopping and pharmacy-type stores.

In terms of what we do more socially and for fun, well, that’s where it’s a bit more isolating. We don’t go to bars or restaurants. We don’t go to friend’s houses. We don’t travel. We don’t go to dinner parties or local breweries or steakhouses or any of the places we used to go pre-pandemic. We decided pretty early on in 2020 that we would continue to see our immediate families who live close by, so that’s helped immensely. Sometimes weekend plans simply just involve going to our parents or sibling’s houses to have a meal, hang with our nieces and nephews, and just get some in-person human interaction.

Because we need it.

But, we don’t see our friends. And while we do have some that live out of state or a significant drive away, we have quite a few local pals as well. And with busy lives and schedules that just won’t sync to get a proper phone catch up going, friendships are now reduced to vapid texts that often feel empty and cold. Not to mention, we’re all dealing with varying degrees of burnout, fatigue and demotivation — so after 5 straight days of work and constant video-chatting, a FaceTime with a friend can feel daunting. A text message gets read while you’re getting rung up at the grocery store, and you think to yourself: “I’ll respond when I get home!” but you forget. You play ‘phone tag’ with someone so often that you eventually just give up. It’s tiring, and it sucks.

Pre-pandemic, my life was still busy and I felt pretty unavailable to my friends during the work week. The difference is, on weekends we’d make up for it by making a slew of plans: brunch, drop-by’s at each other’s houses, a beach day, a birthday celebration. Without the ability to keep the momentum of a friendship going, you reduce the relationship to exchanging text messages like this one, after realizing you haven’t caught up in weeks:

It’s hard. Even harder? Being one of the few people in your friend group(s) who is being strict about the guidelines and continuing to quarantine and social distance. The only thing worse than “it sucks we ALL can’t see each other!” is knowing that your friends still might all be getting together… only, without you. There’s an isolation that comes with the decision to be a bit more cautious and careful than perhaps others in your life. You start to feel like you’re being given up on; seeing pictures of friends hanging out at dinner or on a mini road trip, when you weren’t even asked. And why WOULD they ask you? You wouldn’t go. Not right now, anyway.

It’s a shitty feeling when you feel like you’ve hit ‘pause’ on life, and yet you’re still watching people you know continue to live it and forge ahead while you watch virtually, from a distance. And there’s no judgment here: how you’ve chosen to live your life this past year is your choice. I recognize that even with as little as I do, I still might be doing a LOT more than others who have barely left their houses since March 2020. And this past summer, my husband and I were a bit more comfortable going places and seeing people. We’re all constantly learning to navigate this new life and all the challenges that comes with it. But simply put? I miss my friends.

I know we’re so close — hopefully mere months away — from going back to some legitimate normalcy (whatever that means) and texts will soon go from “I miss you! Maybe we can try to find a time to hop on the phone this week?” to, “I miss you! Can we hang this weekend?” or, “I miss you! When can I hop on a flight and come visit?”

But until then, be easy on your friends. If they’re seemingly distant or not as quick to reach out, they might be going through some stuff, not to mention maintaining a relationship on a screen/device is hard. Deciding to stay home and decline invites for social gatherings during a global pandemic isn’t personal, and while some of your friends might be social distancing — try to remember they’re not purposely distancing themselves from you.

Has the pandemic affected your friendships?

[alia15]

twentytwenty

Ahh, 2020. You were...rough. At times, you seemed relentless. You shoved the world to the ground and then kicked it, mercilessly. You spared no one and ensured every single human was negatively affected by your antics. And personally? There were LOW lows. Moments of heartache, pain, and loss. Moments of seeing a country and the people who live in it in an eye-opening and disappointingly heartbreaking way. I’m happy to see you go, 2020, and I know others are, too. But, there *were* plenty of happy moments and good times, too. A bigger appreciation of the smaller things. Gratitude for the simple joys that one recognizes they are lucky to have, especially in a year where we’ve been robbed of so much. In some ways, 2020 changed us (me) for the better. With difficult times comes growth and healing, so let’s hope for more of that in 2021.

________________________________________________________

“Long story short, it was a bad time Long story short, I survived” 

-Taylor Swift

[alia15]

A New Day.

I wrote about how I felt the day after he won.

A year later, I came back to write about what my experience was like on Election Day 2016. (Spoiler alert: was not good. 0 out of 10. Would not recommend.) 

Occasionally I’d fill you in on how I was feeling the first and second years of his presidency, and I think you can guess what the overall sentiment was. It’s the same sentiment I held onto all four years he was in the White House:

Anger

Sadness

Disappointment

Bewilderment 

Rage

...to name a few.

I’d be lying to you if I said I was fired up during the 2020 Presidential election. Honestly? I was tired. I swore he’d win again and I didn’t want to endure it a second time. I had Democratic candidates I really liked, and had to watch as the inevitability sunk in that they wouldn’t get the nomination. When it looked more and more obvious that another old white dude was going to be on the ticket, I wasn’t exactly running to the streets to campaign, knock on doors or hit the phones to shout, VOTE FOR JOE BIDEN!

I mean, I knew *I* would vote for Joe Biden. I really *liked* Joe Biden when he was the VP under Obama. There was nothing particularly *wrong* with Joe Biden.

But like I said. I was tired.

I tweeted this in January 2019. lol.

But something happened this year. I don’t remember when. I guess you can say I’m a glutton for punishment, because I got energized. I got over my disappointment that Elizabeth Warren didn’t get the nom (YOU COULDA HAD A BAD BITCH, AMERICA) and realized that while not perfect -- and who is, quite frankly -- Joe was the guy. And he was a good guy. And even more exciting: he picked Kamala Harris as his VP choice sometime this summer. And THAT woke me up even more.

So I tuned in. I donated. I watched every debate and provided my commentary on social media like some kind of pundit. I scoured Twitter for updates, I watched CNN almost daily and I talked to friends and family about the election...a lot. One thing I didn’t do? Look at the polls. Because polls are trash. 

So, October 27, 2020: Leo and I vote early. It’s pretty anticlimactic. We wait on line for about 30 minutes, receive no sticker (WHAT does a girl have to do to get an “I Voted” sticker?? I’ve LITERALLY never gotten one) and then go home to make/eat dinner. Woohoo. I always loved voting on actual Election Day, but as we know...this year is weird. So we vote early, and we wait.

We wait a lot.

I don’t need to tell you what Tuesday, November 3 through Saturday, November 6 was like. It was painful. Torturous, at times. I told friends it felt like I ran all 26 miles of the New York City marathon, stopped right before the finish line and just hung out there reading a book for a few days. At this point, it looked REALLY good for Biden (like, REALLY good) and we were RIGHT at the finish line, but couldn’t quite cross it yet.

So how did I survive those long, anxiety-ridden days? With the help of all my pals at CNN (shout-out to the squad), friends and family who were equally stressed and engaged, and of course, the REAL winner of 2020: the memes.

We had PEAK internet/social media those few days and I won’t even try to compile my favorites but my god, it helped. I never thought I’d laugh so hard at memes about the state of Nevada, but then again... nothing about this year was predictable or normal.

I was glued to all of the coverage, day and night, but I was happy to FINALLY get a break on Saturday. Leo and I were headed into NYC to celebrate our one-year anniversary (a week early) doing some of our favorite things: Central Park, a steakhouse, and staying overnight at a hotel. So Saturday morning I was getting ready and packing -- with CNN on in the background, of course -- and just as we were about to leave the house... 

They call it. 

I screamed, I think? I likely shouted profanities? I turned to Leo, overcome with emotions, just kind of like... WHAT DO I DO????? I DON’T KNOW HOW TO PROCESS THIS!! WE ALSO HAVE TO GET IN THE CAR BECAUSE WE ARE ALREADY BEHIND SCHEDULE!

I have my moment of relief, tears of joy and elation, but we do leave the house. It felt weird to just abandon Wolf Blitzer during this pivotal moment in history, but there was also something REALLY exciting about heading into the city for this, too. Luckily, Leo got CNN on Sirius Radio so we could listen in the car...and then the fun REALLY started.

As we drove into the city, the energy was overwhelming. You felt it. You saw it. YOU HEARD IT. People were in the streets cheering, dancing, waving flags and the most jubilant I have ever seen humans in a very, VERY long time. Car horns honked incessantly -- a sound New Yorkers are familiar with but usually NOT for good reasons -- and it was one big party. And before you get all up in arms about partying during a pandemic:

EVERYONE I saw had masks on.

We needed this one day. OK? We needed it.

I told you that the 2020 election -- and the year itself -- made me tired. Well? My ass was woken up. I want to hold onto that feeling forever; it was the most beautiful day and I’ll truly never forget it. It was the perfect Part 2 to that sad, grim day in 2016 when so many of us felt the exact opposite. This was so incredibly satisfying. 

The joy parade continued through the afternoon and night as Leo and I left dinner and saw others eating outdoors; watching Kamala and Joe’s speeches on their phones at the table. We walked 20 blocks back to our hotel and I, too, watched the speeches from my phone, and got to see the tail-end of them in our hotel lobby -- where a slew of other hotel guests cheered and clapped and celebrated what we all think will be a better America going forward.

By the way, here’s what I’m NOT going to talk about today:

Trump being a sore loser and attempting to cheat his way to a win. (SHOCKING! A known liar and cheater is trying to lie and cheat his way to a second term?! Why I never!)

Four Seasons Total Landscaping (even though I REALLY want to)

The threat of our democracy and the prominent Republicans who are allowing this charade to continue

Nope. That’s all just noise; noise that I hope and pray will slowly go quiet into the night and fade away into oblivion. I know it won’t happen immediately, but my god: it’ll be another beautiful day when it happens. 

If you’re still here and still reading, thank you. I know I don’t come on here very often anymore, but I told you I’ll usually creep on back for the big stuff. And this? This is big. 

I’ll leave you with this; what I posted on Facebook right after the big news:

A MOMENT. Historic. We made Donald Trump a one-term President. We elected the first black woman into the White House. HUGE. For so many of us, we can finally take a breath knowing that a four-year nightmare is ending. I choose to believe that Joe Biden can help get us out of this Covid mess, unite the country and allow us to heal from what has been a really difficult term under this incumbent President. I know this election has been polarizing and divisive and has caused more friction and tension than ever but I HOPE we can finally begin taking the path to a better America. The thing is, we have to all want it.  Until then, I’ll be celebrating.

[alia15]

Turning Over a New Leaf

My house is cleaner.

I’m more relaxed.

More productive.

More active.

Dare I say...happier?

Happy? In this climate?? How does one go about finding this happiness I speak of? 

Well, for me, it was simple. Set an alarm.

I know, I know: what a concept. But something happened to me about a month ago and I realized that I had a lot of problems, stressors and time management issues in my life....

And I was to blame.

The thing is, I didn’t know I was to blame. I blamed my Microsoft Outlook Calendar which is jam-packed every single weekday with meetings and calls. I blamed the steady stream of emails that flowed into my inbox every minute. I blamed chiropractor visits twice a week that I had to work into my busy schedule. I blamed weekend plans and obligations and errands and everyone...but myself. Because while all the things I listed are very real, there was one person getting in the way of finding free time and well, “me” time, and that person was me.

So, I decided to make some changes. I don’t know about you, but when I make changes, I really MAKE them. They have to be well thought-out and documented. I started thinking about all the factors that were causing me grief and stress over the last few months, and tried to address them:

That’s some set of rules.

I put my money where my mouth is and instead of just making a list of goals on my iPhone’s Notes app, I actually...did the things. I set my alarm for 7am every day. I don’t have to start working until about 9ish, so that was going to give me some extra time to do... WHATEVER. Anything. Even if it was spacing out and having coffee while watching Saved by the Bell reruns, it was better than what I *had* been doing, which is laying in bed until about 9:00 (er, 9:15 some days) and then scrambling like a mad woman to start my day. Frantic. Aggravated. Rushing.

And, for what? I work from home now, and likely will be for a while. Why was I torturing myself? How many days could I get out of bed late and then turn on my computer only to realize I had a meeting in 15 minutes? How many days could I spend sitting at my desk working, and ONLY working all day, realizing when I signed off later that I never really moved much, never went outside, never took a real break?

It was unhealthy, and it made me unhappy.

I also started to wonder why I was getting out of bed so late, ESPECIALLY since my body clock typically wakes me up around 7:30 or 8:00am. If I was up, why didn’t I...ya know, get up? Physically? 

I knew why.

The damn phone. We all do it. We wake up, and before anything else we grab that little device that connects us to the world with the touch of a button. What news alerts do I have; what happened overnight since I went to bed? What’s going on in Twitter World? What’s trending? Let me check Facebook and see whose birthday it is! Let’s scroll through Instagram and Tik Tok and Snapchat AND OH MY GOD IT’S 9:20???? How the hell did an HOUR AND A HALF go by??

Nope. No more. I made a ‘rule’ that I’d set an alarm, and even if I needed a few minutes (or hell, 30 minutes) to lay in bed before getting up, the one thing I could NOT do is scroll through my phone. And guess what? It helps. IT HELPS A LOT. Let me tell you all the things I did this morning: Wednesday, October 14:

dusted & cleaned some windows

rode the stationary bike for 30 minutes 

threw in a load of laundry

had breakfast (hard boiled eggs & some turkey bacon) and coffee 

caught up on the morning news

got ready for the day: makeup, outfit, hair

started this blog post

And I did this all before 9am. 

The catalyst for making these changes happened one weekend in September when my parents were here helping me out with some outdoor cleanup and gardening. They were so helpful in undoing some of the damage Leo and I had done over the summer: we had overgrown plants, weeds, a messy/sandy deck, and we needed some serious ASSISTANCE. And while I appreciated the help, I also felt guilty. Why hadn’t I taken care of this myself? Why did I keep hearing the same phrase come out of my mouth multiple times that day while my parents were over?

“I don’t have the time.”

That was my response when I was asked why I don’t go to Home Depot to get some new outdoor fall stuff. That was my response when asked about watering plants or plucking weeds out of the ground. I DON’T HAVE THE TIME, OKAY?! I AM A VERY BUSY WOMAN!!! 

And, I am. We’re all busy to some extent. And sometimes, it IS hard to find the time for things: house things, chores things, exercise things. But you CAN make the time. You can better USE your time. Since I’ve been getting up earlier each weekday, I’ve used those hours in the mornings for productivity quite often. On weekends, we’ve taken the free time we DO have (before or after plans we might have) to do the things we don’t get to during the week. Just this past weekend, before going to my sister-in-laws house to celebrate our birthdays, Leo and I went to a local preserve in our town to get a walk in. On a recent Sunday when Leo was watching the Jets, I did a LONG OVERDUE closet organization. For me, personally, spending my limited and precious free time on my phone or watching TV makes me feel shitty. Sometimes it’s okay, but I’m generally a happier person when I feel like I’ve gotten things done. 

Oh yeah, and I’m happier the more I MOVE. This isn’t about weight loss or some unhealthy diet culture; this is about overall physical and mental health. Look at how little I moved in August and September. I felt it.

Let’s be real: this year has been TOUGH. We’ve had to make so many adjustments to all the curveballs tossed our way, and we’ve had to navigate the countless changes. But, despite how long we’ve been doing this whole corona dance, it’s never too late to pivot and turn things around. Since March, I’ve been trying to find ways to better myself and find ways to improve my daily life all while working around a challenging work-from-home sitch, a bad back, and a bunch of other obstacles. 

This isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach, and I know everyone is different, but if you’re anything like me and think you can benefit from some inspo, great. I wrote this post in hopes that I’d potentially motivate someone to make a change that could help make them happier. The few times I’ve shared this with people -- in person or on social media -- I usually get a response along the lines of “I need to start doing this.” Or, similarly, a coworker/friend recently DID take my advice, and wrote me to tell me:

...am I a self-help guru???

Bottom line, take care of yourself. I know it’s hard, and sometimes it takes some effort. But it’s important: especially in a year like this one.

Stay safe & healthy!

-Ali

[alia15]

Leo and I were featured on the Instagram account, The Way We Met, this month!

I remember thinking back when I was single that I wanted to have a cool ‘meet-cute’ story if I ever got into a long-term relationship again. If I’m honest, it’s part of the reason I was never jazzed about online dating apps. I loved hearing stories of two people coming together in serendipitous ways, IN REAL LIFE, and I wanted that for myself. Even though we ultimately did end up meeting online, I do love the story of how Leo and I met. 

It’s a perfect example of stars aligning and things lining up perfectly; almost like it was destined to happen.

[alia15]

Hypocrisy is a Disease

You claim to care about and have unwavering support for our military, and yet you support a President who has insulted veterans and gold-star families on multiple occasions.

You claim to care about children -- firm in your anti-abortion stances and going on tirades about alleged celebrity pedophile rings and human trafficking in the US -- and yet, children being locked in cages and separated from their parents doesn’t seem to faze you.

You argue that Black men are often killed by police for resisting arrest or not complying, but stay quiet about the multiple instances of white men doing the same thing and living to tell the story, unscathed.

You scream from the rooftops about the sordid pasts of every Black man killed by law enforcement to prove some kind of point about them being bad people who deserved it, but fail to mention examples like Breonna Taylor, an essential worker and upstanding citizen who was unarmed and asleep when shot and killed by police.

You say you love our country and wholeheartedly respect the American flag, but have no issue with it being used as a symbol of hate by those who have racist and violent beliefs.

You are outraged by riots and looting and tell folks they have completely botched their message by resorting to acts of destruction and violence, but you’re equally angered by the silent and respectful protests, too.

You love to talk about Black on Black crime and how dangerous and violent Black people are and yet, never seem to mention that a VAST majority of mass shooters are White.

You claim the ‘left’ are all liberal crybaby snowflakes who are offended by everything and are the leaders of cancel culture, but the second a professional sports team or a brand declares an anti-Trump or anti-racism stance, you boycott them and publicly bash them online.

You often talk about respecting the law and police officers, but when the government asks you to cover your nose and mouth with a small piece of fabric to PREVENT PEOPLE FROM DYING you have a conniption and deem it “government control.” 

You despise how the Democrats seem to worship the “Hollywood elite” and celebrities, but belong to a party that dons Trump flags and head-to-toe MAGA gear and has a cult-like obsession with the former celebrity/reality show star-turned-POTUS.

You poke fun at the way Joe Biden talks; noting his disorientation and the way he stumbles on words, and yet stay completely mum when your President does the exact same thing.

You believe you are the party of Christian values and support a President whose actions are everything but.

You complained when people took to the streets to respectfully protest police brutality, asking “don’t these people have jobs?” or telling them to stay out of your town, but didn’t seem to have an issue with pro-cop or pro-Trump parades or protests demanding that our government open up restaurants and barber shops.

You are enraged at rioters/looters for “disrespecting businesses” and yet have people in your party who scream at and degrade grocery store workers when they are politely asked to put a mask on.

You were shocked and appalled at the lyrics of Cardi B’s song, “WAP” but didn’t have the same reaction when you heard your President on video saying he could grab women by their.... well, you know.

You go to bat for Melania Trump; defending her when the press is critical of her or the media is particularly harsh, but were unbothered when people called Michelle Obama an ape, a man, or depicted her as an “angry Black woman.”

It’s almost as if you cherry-pick your outrage or the things you care about to fit a certain narrative, as long as it supports the message and agenda of your party.

Your hypocrisy is showing.

[alia15]

2020: Who Saw THIS Coming?

Remember when I retired from blogging?

I actually did retire, except, I consider this little corner of the Internet -- MY corner -- to be a place where I document the big stuff. I told you about my engagement and then came back several months later to recap my wedding. Remember that? The wedding that THANKFULLY occurred in late 2019 before the world turned to shit??

Yeah. You know what happened. “The pandemic.” “The virus.” “Covid.” Covid-19″ (I personally prefer the first five Covids; I feel like they really fell off after that). “CORONAVIRUS.” 

THE DUMPSTER FIRE THAT IS...2020.

Suuuuuuuuure, good ol’ Rona robbed Leo and me of our Italian honeymoon, but aside from that? We were able to squeeze in all kinds of fun things in good ol 2019 -- oh how I miss you, 2019 -- and have an unforgettable year. This year is proving to be unforgettable too -- just, ya know -- in like, a traumatizing sorta way.

Anyway, as I was saying, I have to document the big stuff on here. I imagine myself reading and looking back on this blog like an old, embarrassing diary (hell, I do it already) (the dating posts make me want to die) and who can omit THIS chapter? It’s got it all: a deadly virus, racially fueled riots and protesting, social injustice, a deranged madman in the oval office, and... MURDER HORNETS?

exactly. 

So rather than write out a whole long thing about my experience in 2020, I thought I’d break it down by month, starting in March. I’m going to be documenting the good, the BAD (there’s a decent amount of that), and anything new that transpired in that time frame. Did I take up any hobbies? Start baking sourdough? I guess you’ll find out. 

Let’s start with: 

MARCH. 

The good. There was immediately a novelty to this whole Covid-19 thing. In the first half of the month I was commuting, going to work in my NYC office, and doing my usual amount of social things on weekends. When it was decided in mid-March that we’d have to work and stay home for a “bit” (lol), there was something exciting about it. We made jokes about social distancing and masks and had cutesy puns for “quarantining.” We hit the ground RUNNING with Zoom calls/video chats. There was something fun and exhilarating about all this.

The bad. People I KNOW got this virus. People I know LOST people to this virus. My Grandma’s health took a turn and things did not look good, but I couldn’t go see her. Shit, I didn’t see ANYONE except Leo, and even he was going to work in his office every day. I had to get used to this abrupt abundance of...alone time. 

What’s new? I’ve always taken to social media as a creative outlet, but I QUICKLY started using it more -- and differently -- once things in the world got hairy. I treated my Instagram like my one gateway to the outside world, because it was: I surveyed my followers and asked how they were doing. I took silly videos talking to myself in the mirror. I wrote long captions on my photos letting everyone know what my experience was like. I tried to entertain those who were stuck at home, as I was, and needing an escape. 

Oh, and ya know... Tiger King.

APRIL.

The good. The weather was getting nicer, so Leo and I took advantage and often went for walks around our complex and even a local trail/preserve in our town. We started doing “lawn visits” to see our families from a distance, and that helped. For two people who were used to seeing their ‘people’ regularly, 3-4 weeks of not seeing them took a toll. I also started doing “Grateful April” on Instagram, where I shared a few things each day that made me happy/appreciative. Some followers of mine followed suit, which was awesome to see. 

The bad. Hmm, I think all this sitting and lack of moving is hurting my back? (#foreshadowing). Also, ENOUGH with the Zoom calls and “virtual happy hours,” for the LOVE OF GOD! Oh, and that “novelty” I mentioned in March? That wore off quickly, and a lot of us started to feel weird, sad, isolated, uneasy, unproductive and stir-crazy. Myself included.

We were also reminded that this was the month we were supposed to depart for our honeymoon. Ugh.

What’s New? I did some arts & crafts (I painted ceramic bowls I bought from Target), gave myself a mediocre pedicure, found new/creative ways to engage and interact with folks on social media (polls, asking questions like “what’s in your Amazon cart?” and “who sponsors your quarantine?”), and got to see what it was like to have a husband with hair. I also discovered my love of tie-dye and wore...a lot of it. 

Oh, and I was on CBS news talking about screen time. Iconic. 

MAY.

The good. The weather got summer-like and I definitely felt a MAJOR shift in my mood. Leo and I spent more time outside on our deck: listening to music, making margaritas, talking to neighbors. I even took work calls outside and got some much-needed Vitamin D. I had my first real “beach days” (bathing suit, chair and all). I started to FINALLY see my family in person; first, outside only -- and then eventually indoors.  

The bad. Ahmaud Arbery. George Floyd, obviously. Dumb-dumbs protesting the lock-down and demanding haircuts. CLEARLY more to come on this. (See: June)

Oh, and my back pain? WAY worse.

What’s new? Some more arts and crafts: I started painting shells I found on the beach (lol).  I bought a pair of Crocs and documented the most absurd series on social media where I paired the heinous footwear with items that rhymed (Crocs & socks, Crocs & shamrocks, Crocs & botox...you get the idea.) I experimented with a few new recipes (made lemon poppy muffins & homemade vodka sauce). I re-watched Mad Men and it made me miss my office and coworkers. 

JUNE. A rough one. 

The good. We started doing more social things with our families: BBQs, celebrating Father’s Day, our nephew’s baptism. Doing this truly felt like “normalcy” and in those moments, we’d forget about all the garbage going on around us. I also decided (yes, after 3 friggin months of lock-down) that I needed to start exercising; something I needed for my physical AND mental health. I thought it could help my back -- which, yes, was feeling worse as time went on -- and it did make me feel good to spend a little time each day walking, jogging, lifting weights and just MOVING. 

The bad. Um? Everything? For starters, the racial tension in the country came to a head and erupted in a MAJOR way -- and while the protests and all the #BlackLivesMatter movements were a positive thing, it absolutely brought out the WORST in so many others. There was rioting, looting and violence. Racism ran RAMPANT. Karens went wild. “Covidiots” were ENRAGED about being told to wear masks. There was police brutality and a President who threw fuel into the fire. Tensions and emotions were at an all-time high and we all got a harsh dose of reality that this country has SO FAR TO GO in regards to equality and civil rights and even basic human decency. I was -- and still am -- sad for this country.

Also? I finally went for an MRI on my back and found out I have two herniated discs; well THAT certainly helps explain things! Shortly after, I pull my back out entirely, and could not walk or move. The pain is excruciating; debilitating and I think, “can things get any worse?” and then...

My Grandma passes away. 

It hurts. It still does. It was inevitable -- as death is, especially given her age and health condition at the time -- but it still felt like taking a bullet. I will always be grateful that I was able to get to see her one day before she passed away to say goodbye, but it’s hard not to be resentful that she didn’t get the memorial service and send-off she so deserved because of the pandemic.

(Side note: read about my amazing Grandma HERE)

In short, June sucked.

What’s new? We got a new stationary bike and set it up outside on the deck which was awesome, and I ended the month getting some epidural shots at the spine doctor. While the (strong) meds and injections didn’t exactly *cure* my issue, they made things a LOT better. Leo and I also drove into NYC (my first time there in MONTHS!) so I could go get my migraine Botox treatment at my neurologist. 

I voted by mail (which is not fraudulent, by the way) (#eyeroll) in the NY Primary. 

I also got not one, but TWO, amazing rainbows the week my grandmother passed away. I needed those, and I’d like to think she knew that.

JULY.

The good. More beach days and some consistent amazing weather (thanks, Mother Nature!). I started seeing a chiropractor twice a week and quickly respond REALLY WELL to treatment and start feeling a lot better. I put things into perspective and realize how lucky I am to live where I do -- on the beach -- and get to enjoy all this newfound free time doing things I enjoy. We also celebrate some family birthdays and have a small family gathering in honor of our beloved Dorothy. 

Have you noticed that “seeing family” always ends up in my “good” section?

The bad. Naya Rivera died unexpectedly, John Lewis died, REGIS died. Our President remains as unhinged as ever, we desperately want to #FreeBritney, and Kanye West has a really sad, scary and concerning, uh, episode. He’s also running for President, maybe? Or not? On a personal note, Leo and I tried to eat dinner on the beach one night and LIT-rally got attacked by seagulls. Weeks later, bull sharks are spotted in the ocean RIGHT WHERE WE LIVE, and they prohibit swimming. 

What’s new? Hamilton on Disney+: need I say more? The fig tree that’s been on our deck for three summers FINALLY started to grow figs! I re-watched Broad City and it is just... *chef’s kiss* perfection. Taylor Swift releases her album ‘folklore’ and I listen on repeat for seven days straight.

AUGUST.

Well, who knows? We’re not there yet. 2020 has certainly been a ride (and it’s not over yet; dear GOD), and I still can’t believe it ended up being this insane year, unlike anything I’ve EVER experienced. And while it undoubtedly has come with its fair share of challenges, it has also come with some blessings.

I have all this extra time now and I make a point to use it productively (most days). I log off from working and go outside, I walk the beach, go in our complex pool, ride the stationary bike, catch up with friends/family on the phone, read, and watch/re-watch shows.

The commute and hustle and bustle of every day in my pre-pandemic life would make me stressed and anxious; I was constantly snoozing alarm clocks, rushing in the mornings, dealing with overcrowded/delayed trains, and getting home late each night. 

Life has become slower, in a good way, and it’s made me appreciate the simple things. I care less about material things and more about the basics: enjoying nice weather/the outdoors, my home, my husband, my family and close friends.

I genuinely stopped caring about getting my hair and nails done, going out to dinner, getting dolled up, or traveling. Don’t get me wrong: I enjoy all these things and I’ll of course do them again, but this whole situation made me realize that what I need *most* in this world are the simple joys that money can’t buy.

And for that? I’m grateful. 

*stay safe, friends.*

[alia15]

THE day. Part 2.

Peacocks.

My wedding venue is swarming with them. 

Well, those, and chickens and turkeys. And roosters.

The Milleridge Cottage is on a larger property on Long Island that’s been around for many, MANY years and also has a restaurant, an adorable little village (shops, a bakery, a florist) and yes: a farm. 

When our limo bus pulled up to the cottage on Friday, November 15, my bridal party was greeted by all the wildlife which I’ll admit is an interesting and hilarious scene on your wedding day. Also, not mentioned in Part 1? The weather. Bright, sunny, and warm for mid-November. I refused to check the weather the entire week of the wedding (you can’t control it so why bother looking?) and it ended up being an absolutely perfect fall day. I greeted the turkeys, walked into the venue and the scene immediately took my breath away: I loved The Milleridge the second we stepped foot inside to look at it as a potential option for our big day, and loved it even more each time I visited after that. Now? Seeing it all set up for my wedding day? It was everything I envisioned and more. I made my way up the beautiful staircase and waited in the bridal suite for my groom and his groomsmen to arrive. 

There were those butterflies again.

There was so much commotion downstairs that I wasn’t able to be a part of as I was in hiding (#FOMO), but the time finally came for me to head down those stairs and meet my soon-to-be-husband at the bottom. Remember the crazy thoughts in my head from Part 1 of this post? They came back as I imagined myself tumbling down those stairs after tripping over my very long, large dress. 

I walked REALLY carefully. And slowly.

Leo was at the bottom of the staircase and in front of him stood a crowd of our family and best friends; standing there like paparazzi with their iPhones up and the biggest smiles plastered on their faces. Our photographers and videographer captured my every move. What a scene. I eventually made my way down (without falling! win!) and tapped Leo on the shoulder to, ya know, say what’s up before the biggest moment of our lives. 

We both joked that while we loved this moment, it certainly wasn’t a private one. This was some of our audience (plus about 30 more people, lol):

The next few hours (yes, plural) were spent taking all our photos and thankfully, we were able to do so outside. If you know me or follow me on social media, you know how much I love a good sunset, and the universe did me a solid and gave us an amazing one that night. 

It was crazy to think at this point -- after SEVERAL hours -- that the main event hadn’t even started yet. After wrapping up pictures with everyone, we headed inside. 

I went back up to the bridal suite to hide for the second time that day. 

The venue got louder and louder as it filled up with guests, and all I heard were the sounds of a large CROWD. My heart raced. I fixed my hair and re-applied my lip gloss 37 times. I stood up. I paced. I sat back down. I didn’t want to look at my phone because I knew it would overwhelm me, so it was just me up there with my restless thoughts. The day had been so perfect already; I just wanted it to continue. A few things swirling in my mind:

Would the reverend show up? (He did)

The venue was confusing to find; were people going to know to go to the cottage and not the restaurant? (They did) (And whoever didn’t, eventually figured it out)

Did anyone in my life get incredibly sick that day and have to miss the wedding? (No)

Were our young nieces and nephews going to have meltdowns and not walk down the aisle? (quite the opposite; they were amazing)

Was there any drama? ANYONE WHO CRASHED OUR WEDDING? Is everything OK down there? WHAT’S HAPPENING??! (shut up, crazy)

Eventually, it was time. All of our guests were situated for the ceremony and our bridal party was lined up downstairs. And things could not have gone smoother: no one tripped, no one objected to our nuptials (lol), the kiddos were perfectly behaved and cooperative, and our reverend was a HUGE hit (shout out to the hilarious and charismatic Rev. Sica!). It was a beautiful ceremony complete with an amazing string quartet, and I swore I felt the love in the room before I even entered it.

We were officially husband and wife. And it felt fantastic.

After our relatively brief ceremony, I felt like I was floating on a cloud. We headed back up to the bridal suite to get a quick breather before cocktail hour began; something my bridal attendant had recommended we do and I am SO glad we listened. Normally if I’m anxious I lose my appetite, but Leo and I enjoyed our own private cocktail hour and ate the INCREDIBLE spread they provided for us. Every few seconds it would hit us.

Holy crap, we’re married! 

My bridal attendant bustled my dress, and it was time to join the party. I could NOT wait to see everyone.

The magic continued as we greeted everyone at our cocktail hour and took in the whole scene. It was surreal and a total out-of-body experience. You spend SO much time and energy planning a wedding and you focus on all the details -- large and small -- and then you’re there just seeing it all come together and come to life. I can honestly say without a shadow of a doubt that EVERYTHING looked and felt the way I wanted it to that day. I was overjoyed and overwhelmed, in a good way. So many people had given me the advice to “take it all in” and “enjoy every moment” and I’m really happy to say I did exactly that.

The good times intensified as we did our official entrance to our reception (”Let’s Dance” by David Bowie....come onnnnn now!) followed by *THE* most epic dance party of all time. One of my best friends, Carl, was our MC and he and our DJ, Eddie, brought the house down the entire night with an amazing mix of songs old and new. I did not leave that dance floor except the one time I changed dresses -- you know I had to do a costume change on ‘em! 

I could go on and on with the details but instead I’ll just share some incredible highlights from our reception:

Our first dance: Leo was nervous about it (it’s nerve-racking to have all eyes on you and he doesn’t exactly love to dance) but in the moment, nothing else mattered and no one else was even in the room. (Song: Precious Love by James Morrison) 

After that, I danced with my Grandmother; a really special moment that I will cherish forever. It was really emotional and beautiful; especially as the whole family (and Leo!) joined us at the end. 

The speeches! My brother Mike was my “man of honor” and Leo’s sister Rina was our “best woman” and both of them gave GREAT and hilarious toasts (with cameos from all my brother-in-laws). My dad gave an amazing one, too: let’s just say he made a joke about getting to second base that got a huge laugh (Leo’s a baseball coach. lol). 

Birthday celebrations! It was my brother’s 40th birthday that day and my mother-in-law’s was the following day, so we were able to sing to them and give them their own special cupcakes and candles to blow out. 

The father/daughter & mother/son dances.

Our live painter! He set up shop in the corner of the room and painted our first dance and added our families to the portrait (I’ll include the photo at the bottom of the post!). I waited until the end of the night to go look at it and was genuinely stunned.

Ending the night with two perfect songs: (I’ve Had) the Time of My Life -- from one of my favorite movies of all time, obvi -- and then my friend Pat requested the grand finale/encore: “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” by ‘NSYNC. (This is his trademark and is known to play this song when we’re out even in the summer)

Speaking of the end of the night, we had a McDonald’s cart rolled in around 11:15 and the guests went crazy for it. Nothing like stuffing your face at a wedding and then ending the night with a greasy cheeseburger and fries. Leo had it for breakfast the next morning.

Aside from the hotel’s fire alarm going off around 4am (yes, really) it was a perfect day from start to finish. Now, almost six months later, I find my mind wandering to the memories of November 15 when I’m feeling especially low or down in the dumps. I look at the pictures often and the various videos make me instantly happy. People told me during/after the wedding how insanely happy I looked, and it was genuine. I was. I am.

It’s not hyperbole: my wedding day was the best day of my life. I got to marry my perfect match while surrounded by every single human in my life that I love endlessly. I got to have a great dance party, eat incredible food, all while surrounded by a beautiful venue with all the personal touches we had worked on for the nine months prior. 

The pandemic might have prevented us from going on our Italian honeymoon, but that’s okay. We’ll get there someday. I’m just eternally grateful and relieved that we were able to have all our other big wedding moments (engagement, shower, bachelor/ette parties, rehearsal dinner, wedding!) all in the same year -- making 2019 really hard to top. 

Thanks for letting me share the story of our big day with you all! 

[alia15]

THE day. Part 1.

I set an alarm, which was funny. Did I think I’d oversleep on my wedding day? It’s like when you’ve got a really early flight and the fear of waking up too late and/or missing it affects your ability to sleep peacefully. 

Did I sleep on the night of Thursday, November 14? A little. 

I’d sleep for an hour, and then wake up and peer at the clock. Still too early, Al. I’d go back to sleep. I’d sleep for two hours and head to the bathroom. I’d have to turn the light on and stare at every pore on my face and quadruple-check that some mountainous zit hadn’t popped up since the last time I checked hours before. I had a lot of crazy wedding fears and nightmares and YES: a breakout was one of them. 

I’d doze off again...and well, you get the hint. This happened several times until 8am.

I got out of bed about an hour before Kara, my makeup artist, was due to arrive at my hotel suite. I was semi-calm at this point -- I had been for most of the week -- and thought I’d make myself some coffee in the mini Keurig before I took my shower. I opened up the little packet of half & half you usually see on tables at the diner and poured it in. That’s when the crazy seeped into my brain again: what if this cream is expired and it makes me sick?! This is the kind of insane and irrational thinking you do on your wedding day, by the way. 

It was time to take a shower, so I got into the pretty bathroom. It had a TV screen embedded in the mirror (!!!!) which I could NOT get over when I checked in the night before. Watching Bravo while getting ready in the morning?! What a time to be alive!

Before stepping in the shower, I peered over at her. We had spent the evening together; I got the bed and she, the bathroom. I stared for a few seconds and smiled. She had spent the last couple of days all bundled up and the last few hours she finally got to breathe.

She looked stunning. 

hello, lover.

I showered, I shaved every square inch of myself, and I tried to keep my mind calm. I stepped out, I lotioned, I blowdried, and I waited for my day of pampering to begin. It was absolutely the calm before the storm, so I was trying to relish in the quiet while simultaneously being driven mad by it.

I then grabbed my phone and saw several texts -- not out of the ordinary on the day of your wedding -- and opened up the group chat we have with Leo’s siblings and saw that everyone was asking for a status check. How’s everybody doing? My fiancé, whose face I was NOT supposed to see until I met him at our big ‘reveal’ later, decided it was a good idea to share a selfie while working out:

I think I threw my phone when I saw it. OHMYGOD, was that bad luck?! 

(spoiler alert: it wasn’t)

The next few hours were an absolute whirlwind: my mom, sister-in-law and niece Charleigh arrived along with some of my best friends, who came in and out to see me get ready. Eventually, my two other sister-in-laws and mother-in-law got to my room, and it was officially a party. I had made a fun ‘get ready on the wedding day” playlist and it was just epic girl time: goofing around, gushing all over each other, and rotating the hair and makeup process. Someone had big rollers in their hair while another was getting curled/styled by Monica (hairstylist) while another was getting airbrushed or faux lashes applied. It was like a pit crew, wedding style, and I loved it.

When the photographers arrived (shout out to Lotus!), the nerves did a bit, too. Even though we were on time and on schedule (hi, have we met?) I started to feel like my fun, breezy morning was becoming a bit more... structured. I had to follow instructions and focus even though my brain was going in 6,000 different directions. I had to be candid and act natural in a scenario that, well...wasn’t. I heard a lot of: 

“OK, Allison, here’s what I need you to do. Stand in this corner, your body slightly angled towards me, and pretend you’re reading Leo’s card. OK, yeah, little more towards me. No, too much.”

Or how about when I was spazzing because I couldn’t get the tape off the box of Leo’s (massive) gift. Not so fun fact: one of our photographers grabbed a box cutter to help me and ended up slicing his finger. Fun! Blood near your white wedding dress!

nailed it.

As I was finishing getting ready so I could put my dress on, I realized I needed to learn to apply the boob tape (that’s the technical term, folks) I had purchased at the request of the seamstress who altered my dress. I’d normally go braless, and I technically could with my dress, but we wanted the um, girls, to sit as high as humanly possible and not let gravity take over, as it often does. I went in the bathroom solo and was quickly...confused. Puzzled. Perplexed. I couldn’t figure out how to make it work, where the tape was supposed to go, and how to configure it all so you wouldn’t see it.

I think I blacked out because next thing you know I had my sister-in-law and some girlfriends in the bathroom with me who were quite literally WRAPPING my body like a mummy. It was absolutely absurd to think I was going to be wearing this beautiful gown in mere minutes, and my undergarment was basically an ace bandage. Whatever, it did the trick.

Only...it didn’t.

It was time to put that pretty dress on, and as soon as I slipped my arms into it my mother realized you could, in fact, see the tape in certain spots. Shit. I blacked out again. We would figure it out. We had to.

...and we did. A girlfriend grabbed some scissors (another thing you don’t want near your wedding dress and hair extensions, but I digress) and cut away the parts that were visible. She essentially made my mummified ace bandage-getup a v-neck in the front and back, and I’ll be damned: it worked. We got the dress on and buttoned, I put on my earrings, and Monica gently applied my veil. 

she ready.

Leo wasn’t the only one I was doing a reveal with, so I hid in the bathroom when my dad arrived so I could do one with him first. I heard him talking to all the girls outside the door and I felt the butterflies. It’s such a weird concept to ‘reveal’ yourself to someone -- who am I, the Queen of England? -- but I couldn’t wait. And his reaction? Worth it.

*one thousand heart-eye emojis*

This...was the first time I cried that day. It was such a beautiful and perfect morning; I could only hope the rest of the day would follow suit. 

by the way, this little munchkin was an absolute DELIGHT to get ready with; she melted my heart.

It was officially time to get to our venue, only a few miles away, so I could do yet another reveal.

THE reveal. 

And that? That’s where I’ll leave you for Part 2. 

[alia15]

Coronavirus Tips: How To Balance Your Screen Time And Giving Your Eyes A Break

While it's nice to stay connected - with Zoom meetings, family Facetime calls, endless Netflix and scrolling on our phones - coronavirus isolation has everyone spending more time than ever staring at screens.

Hi! I’ve retired (mostly) from publishing on this platform (do I miss it? No. But also yes?) but I've popped in lately when there’s something I want to document and keep alive permanently on my blog. Full disclosure: I don’t do it often, but I do occasionally hop on here and re-read old posts or look for things I’ve written over the years. And this? Well I guess this is something worth documenting.

A reporter from CBS NY reached out to me on Twitter this week because she saw a tweet of mine about Apple’s obnoxious screen time notifications (stop sending this during a pandemic, Apple. Read the room.) and wanted to interview me about it. 

Never one to say no to internet fame (lol), I obliged--and my segment can be found here! 

And yes, if you’re curious about my pronunciation of the word “literally,” I do watch a lot of Moira Rose on Schitt’s Creek... thanks for noticing.

Lastly, hope you’re all doing well! I assume I chat with most of you on the socials these days, but if anyone who was solely an ‘AA’ blog follower happens to stumble upon this... hi! I miss you! Also, I got married! Maybe I’ll write about that one day?

Stay safe & healthy, all!

[alia15]

The Best New Dating App Isn’t New — and It Isn’t a Dating App

DMs have become a direct route to romance. Just ask Nick and Priyanka.

When you and your fiancé become the spokespeople for DM sliding.

Also, hit me up, Shonda! Let’s talk about who will play Leo and me in the new TV drama you create about this subject!

[alia15]

Analysis | You don’t have to be Lizzo or Nick Jonas to slide into someone’s DMs. Here’s how.

Sliding into a person’s DMs gets a bad rap. But there are plenty of success stories.

The story of how Leo and I met -- in our very millenial-esque manner -- is on the Washington Post! If you told me years ago I’d end up meeting my future husband on Twitter, I’d probably laugh... and then follow up with, “that sounds about right.” The truth is, the internet/social media has provided me with a lot of amazing opportunities over the years and this is no exception. This article is a reminder about having an open mind, shooting your shot and being willing to have a unique love story that doesn’t look like everyone else’s.

Enjoy!

[alia15]

STDs Mean Something Different & Other Things I’ve Learned (So Far) From Wedding Planning

Hey! I got engaged recently; did you hear? (UM YES ALLISON, WE KNOW). Also, this is exclusively a wedding-themed blog now. Sorry.

Kidding! It’s bad enough I don’t even recognize myself lately -- for example I’ve been watching marathons of TLC’s “Say Yes to the Dress” on Hulu, WHO AM I?!?! -- but I certainly don’t need to inundate you all with real-time updates as I plan my upcoming wedding. And yes, UPCOMING -- as in, this fall. 

2019. 

*Gulp*

But I am in the thick of planning this shindig and as someone who NEVER:

Thought about planning a wedding

Had a Pinterest page dedicated to their dream wedding

Did, considered, or even imagined ANYTHING wedding-related, ever

...I certainly have a lot to learn. And I am learning, every day. I mean, let’s keep it Benjamin Franklin one hundo here: whenever I’d been asked in the past what style of engagement ring I liked, I’d say “I don’t know, circle-shaped?” 

I was the anti bride.

But my love of party-planning, OCD organization and lists has made this process pretty fun and hell, I’ll say it -- even easy -- so far. We booked our date and venue within 48 hours of getting engaged (#NotPregnant), I got my dress the following week, and quickly after those things were done, we: secured a Reverend to marry us, got our DJ, set dates and locations for my bridal shower and bachelorette parties, and sent a deposit for our mini-moon. 

DAMN I’M GOOD.

There’s still WAY more to be done and I know it won’t all be seamless, joyful and stress-free, but I wanted to pause for a sec and share with you some of the things I’ve learned this past month as I plan for the big day. Starting with:

It helps to be decisive & know what you want. I’m a Libra, and Libras are known for being indecisive. Um? It ain’t me. I don’t mull over anything; I typically make a choice, am happy with the choice, and don’t second-guess the choice. Well, turns out that’s REALLY helpful when it comes to wedding planning. Guess what? The venue we booked was the first and only venue we looked at. My dress? After a not-so-great experience at the first bridal place, I found a dress online I LOVED, went to a place that had it, tried it on and that was it. Done. People have been telling me to give myself plenty of options for things and even if I love something, keep looking elsewhere so I have something to compare it to. Nah...I’m good. If I love it and there’s no hesitation: we’re gonna go with it. 

THANK U, NEXT!

Online bride groups are scary. Uh, not much else to add there. I was warned about this, joined a few on Facebook anyway and IMMEDIATELY left them all. There was too much hysteria and insanity and drama and I was beyond overwhelmed. Bye. 

You’re gonna get a lot of advice. From everyone. Advice...can be good. Great, even. I’ve had really helpful conversations with friends and family where they’ve given me clarity or even caused me to changed my mind about something and I’m SO glad I did. But the second you get a ring placed on your finger, the unsolicited, occasionally unwanted, and sometimes even downright unhelpful advice starts being thrown your way. If someone suggests that I do something and I don’t agree or don’t want to do it, I simply thank them and leave it be. 

Shit is expensive. If you’ve ever experienced planning a wedding, you know this. Hell, even I kind of knew this. But there are certain things you expect to pay a pretty penny for, and then there are things like invitations and you’re just like -- it’s paper? That people throw out? Can’t I just send an Evite or something?

Also, to the photographer who told me their rates START at $8500: bless your heart. 

STDs mean WHAT now? Oh wow, weddings have their own damn rules when it comes to acronyms, huh? During my brief stint in one of the aforementioned bridal groups on Facebook, one of the first posts I saw was a bride-to-be asking her fellow brides a VERY alarming question:

“Hey ladies! Where did you get your STDs?”

Say what now?! I IMMEDIATELY looked at the comments because I thought I was in the wrong place and accidentally stumbled upon a Planned Parenthood page and saw, “Minted! I love mine!”

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Save the Dates. STDs. Got it. 

A friend of mine also told me that in the wedding world bridesmaids are often referred to as “BMs.” Come on, guys. 

You’ll never feel more loved in your damn life. And honestly? Not just from your fiancé. Getting engaged was such an incredibly special moment for me, but this past month I’ve felt truly overwhelmed by all the love in my life coming from friends and family, too. Gifts, cards, phone calls, FaceTimes, texts, eagerness to help out with planning, you name it: I’m truly feeling all the love and excitement from the people in our lives. People WANT to hear about the details and how things are going and everyone’s generosity has just been indescribable. 

So there ya have it! We’re one month into this thang and I wanted to keep you all in the loop of my planning experiences. I’m sure I’ll be dropping by occasionally to fill you in on the latest -- and I’d love to hear from you ESPECIALLY if you’re currently in the midst of wedding planning, too! Like, if you wanna show me your STDs or whatever; I’m down. 

[alia15]

February 16, 2019

“You want me to run out and get you breakfast?”

We hadn’t gone food shopping in a while, so our fridge was pathetically empty. No half and half for coffee, no eggs, expired turkey bacon.

“Suuuuuuure, if you’re going to the bagel place I’ll take my usual,” I told him.

Whole wheat everything bagel with cream cheese. 

I love that breakfast so much, in fact, I decided to take to Instagram to post about it:

IS THERE ANYTHING BETTER? Well, yeah. Turns out there was.

Leo and I were heading into Manhattan for “Valentine’s Day plans” which consisted of going to one of our favorite steakhouses and then staying overnight in a hotel. We’ve done both things before; it’s nice to go out to dinner in the city and not have to schlep home on the train or get in the car afterwards.  We figured if it was a nice day -- and it most certainly was -- we’d head in earlier and stop in Central Park and even visit a brewery near the area. 

Since the plan involved potentially walking through the park, I peered into my closet. I had an outfit for the steakhouse that night, but I wasn’t going to parade around all day in that so I threw on a sweater, some jeans, and my Steve Madden gray high-top sneakers. 

Leo walked in wearing something much nicer.

“Wait,” I said. “You’re dressed way nicer than me.”

“No I’m not! This is how I always dress.” And it’s true: Leo is usually in some kind of button down shirt with a sweater over it. He had nicer shoes on instead of sneakers, but I decided to stay what I was in.  Didn’t matter.

We drive into the city: a perfect February afternoon; no traffic. As we approached the Manhattan skyline, “I Got You Babe” came on my Spotify playlist. I took video of us in the car in that moment:

They say we're young and we don't know We won't find out until we grow Well I don't know if all that's true 'Cause you got me, and baby I got you

We get to the hotel, check our bags and decide not to waste any time, so we head uptown on the subway so we can enter the park in our favorite area; around 72nd Street. In this particular spot in the park you’ll find the John Lennon “Imagine” memorial and my ABSOLUTE favorite spot: the Bow Bridge: 

We stop in a bar on the Upper East side so Leo can use the restroom and grab a beer. I show him the apartment I used to live in on 71st and 1st. And then? We walk west.

We get to the park entrance and Leo is texting frantically. “Who are you texting?!” I ask him. It looks intense. I’m pretty sure he told me it was his job; I’m pretty sure I rolled my eyes or made a face like... boyyyy if you don’t put that phone down; this is our day. 

We walk towards the famous San Remo building and see the Bow Bridge. The place Leo and I had been months earlier and took this photo:

The place we’d visited the year before THAT and probably where I first told him, “I’m in love with this bridge.”

I stared at the water and let the sun beat on my face. We hadn’t had this kind of weather in weeks; it felt nice to feel and see sunshine. I took a photo, as I often do.

I turned back to Leo and he looked... stiff? Uncomfortable? Nervous? Before I could even THINK about why....

He was down on his knee.

All I remember saying in my state of pure SHOCK was:

“Is this real? Is this real? IS THIS REAL????”

‘Twas very real. 

The surprises didn’t stop there. We DID in fact head to that brewery Leo mentioned wanting to go to after all, except we were met by both our incredible families there: parents, siblings, nieces & nephews. It was an incredibly special day and nothing made us happier than to celebrate it with those we love most. In the bar we toasted to our engagement, called, FaceTimed and texted people in our lives with the big news, and I just kept catching myself thinking the same thought I had when Leo proposed to me hours earlier:

Is this real?

I’ll be honest, before I met Leo I really didn’t know if this would happen for me. I didn’t know if I wanted it, if I’d find it, or if I’d ever know what it was like to feel how I’ve felt every day since I met Leo almost two years ago. He always finds a way -- big or small -- to make me feel important, special and loved. He may send me “just because” flowers, leave me a sweet note on the kitchen counter, and yes: even go out and get me my morning bagel.  

He planned every detail of this day from getting the ring (it’s perfect), planning the entire schedule and timeline from the car ride to the hotel check-in to arriving at the park, to getting his sister to hide on the bridge and take those proposal photos you see above. That all would have been more than enough, but he topped it off with having our families all there to greet us after one of the biggest days in our lives. 

A week later, I’m still on cloud nine. I still look down at my left hand and don’t recognize it. I’ve enjoyed the beginning stages of planning and celebrating this happy time with my favorite people (I’ve never FaceTimed with friends so much in my life). But above all, I’m trying to enjoy the moment and take it all in.

I haven’t really been blogging anymore and that’s a decision I’m A-OK with, but the truth is I occasionally come back and read old posts of mine and truly take myself back to the time and mental state I was in when I wrote it. And for that reason, I want this story documented somewhere. 

Because I always want to remember February 16.