trying to prove a point to the boys at school
reblog this if you believe trans men are real men like this if you dont
As a trans man. Yes. Iâm a real man and so are the rest of us.
i love how the reblog-to-like ratio is 8:1
Misplaced Lens Cap
will byers stan first human second
đ©” avery cochrane đ©”
taylor price
official daine visual archive
ojovivo
No title available
hello vonnie
Keni
Peter Solarz
đȘŒ

titsay
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Not today Justin
untitled

romaâ
Noah Kahan

No title available
Claire Keane

Janaina Medeiros

seen from Malaysia

seen from Algeria
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Portugal
seen from Germany

seen from Malaysia
seen from Bulgaria

seen from Spain

seen from United States
seen from Indonesia
@aliens-space-humans
trying to prove a point to the boys at school
reblog this if you believe trans men are real men like this if you dont
As a trans man. Yes. Iâm a real man and so are the rest of us.
i love how the reblog-to-like ratio is 8:1
ITâS HALLOWEEN TIME TO GET SPOOKY
I T S T H E M I D D L E O F J U N E
I T I S H A L L O W E E N T I M E T O G E T S P O O K Y
ok who the fuck got this on my dash itâs still june
get spooky
how does this appear every june
T I M E T O G E T S P O O K Y
itâs june
T I M E T O G E T S P O O K I N G Yâ A L L
LEE ITâS JUNE
GAY HALLOWEEN TIME
yâall know what fuckin month it is đ
GAY HALLOWEEN!!
looks like october isâŠ. octover
iâm queueing this for next year
Its nowvember
Aliens Vs Menstrual
My account got deleted (donât ask). So, this is me starting from scratch. Hope you guys like this as much the second time around!
There was blood on the floor.
Avrex blinked and stared at the red droplets on the floor. More red caught xer eye. There was more just under the edge of the seat. As if someone had tried to wipe it up but hadnât thought to get under the very edge. Only one species on board had red blood.
This had to belong to one of the humans.
But why would blood be here in waste room of all places? Granted, humans were an odd breed, and used the waste rooms for more than the elimination of waste. Some even installed mirrors and extra lights and spent an hour or more in there! But blood? Why here? And why on the waste reclaimer lid? Surely if one of the humans was injured they would go to the infirmaryâŠ.
âŠwouldnât they?
Avrex shook xer scaled head and stalked out of the waste room. Xey would get to the bottom of this.
Keep reading
No One Asks For It
Because People REALLY seemed to like Avrex⊠Round two: DING!
(Heads up: As title might suggest, there is rape. Nothing explicit, but there is an incident and adult conversations are had. Yâall been warned. Trigger warnings. Donât like, donât read.)
Earth.
Xe had heard so much about the home world of humanity, but Avrex had never dreamed that xe would set foot on it! Much less with a human guide that xe trusted. Yet here they were.Â
Xe glanced down at the little human at xyr side.
Melanie was dressed in her preferred work clothes, a pair of sturdy grey coveralls with the top folded down and tied around her waist while outside, a brightly colored orange t-shirt, composite toed boots, and her tool belt slung around her hips.Â
Standing on the dock, the little human lifted her face to the sky. She sighed, seeming to melt into the sunâs warmth. It had been too long since sheâd been planet-side.
Avrex found xemself pleased to be able to give her an excuse to come home.
Melanie gave a groan and a luxurious stretch and looked up at Avrex with a grin. âWell? Where do we start?â
Avrex held up a pad and crouched low so xyr more diminutive friend and crew mate could see the list. âThese are the parts we need. You indicated that you knew where to acquire them at a fair price?â
She pulled her hair back and tied it off in a quick bun. âYeah, thereâs several shops thatâll have what we need. Good thing we set down here, I went to college a couple towns over. Sweet little town, but I had to come here for some of the more⊠unique project supplies for my classes. Come on, letâs see whoâs still in business after five years in space!â
She tucked xyr oversized pad under her arm and trotted off through the crowd, confident that xe would follow. Avrex shook xyr head in amusement. Humanâs truly were adorable some days. Today was going to be interesting.
Xe hurried to pick up the pace.
As small as Melanie was, it wouldnât be hard to lose her in the crowd!
Keep reading
The Giants of Earth
Aliens are too often depicted as very human-like. Bilateral symmetry, main sensory organs on the head, dexterous hands on arm-like appendages, etc. Even size is relatively close or averages to around human size. But when you look at our own world, humans are giants. Relatively few animals have mass comparable to or greater than humans. Our height is particularly astounding since we evolved bipedalism and adopted a vertical stance rather than one thatâs more horizontal, which you see even in other bipedal animals like birds.
So what if the same holds true for humanity compared to aliens? There are many advantages to having a smaller body, after all: fewer necessary resources to live and grow, more stable stances if they walk on three or more legs, better adaptability to cataclysmic events, and many others. If the species comes from a world with higher gravity especially, being lower to the ground is far more preferable rather than spending a lot of energy fighting the higher gravity.
So when humanity arrives on the interstellar scene, how would a universe filled with (generally) smaller sentients react to the new giants?
-Story below the cut -
Edit: it wonât let me put this in normal title format, so:
Almost Peaceful
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
Four thousand planets in the Great Unity. Six thousand sentient species, give or take. Technology so complicated it could only be repaired by crews with multiple different cognition types on the team. And thatâs not even mentioning the violent flare-ups that had brought the Great Unity down from eight thousand planets and fourteen thousand species. It was entirely understandable for the humans to be intimidated. But no, that wasnât quite it. To the species with similar intelligences and social structures, it almost seemed that the humans were embarrassed, of all things. But nobody paid them any mind. Their insistence on using the freely given technologies to outphase the signals that they had been broadcasting for cycles? Odd. Same with their social quarantining of all human history, and with the electromagnetic shielding of their quadrant. The only thing people really paid attention to was when this backwater nothing asked for the other species to delete the preliminary data gathered earlier. Some worlds balked at that, but this tiny, flimsy race was so obviously terrified that even the most predatory of the war races consented to the purge. It didnât really matter anyways - their quadrant, an even mix of death worlds and featureless rocks, was otherwise entirely empty of life, sentient or otherwise. The Alab were the first to realize how strange that had been. If humanity had then hidden itself away, kept from the rest of the universe, it would have been as expected (there were many shy, prey-evolved races), and they would have been ignored, as seemed their wish. But no. The flimsy bipeds built ships of their own, founded settlements on half a dozen worlds. And these places werenât shielded like Earthspace was; instead they were as obvious and unshielded as possible. Curious about the oddity - they were a plains evolution, so curiosity fit them - the Alab ventured as close as they could to the strange cities without being spotted, hidden beneath the best cloaking the Great Unity had to offer. As it turned out, they didnât need to hide. Partially because the Humans saw them, somehow, and partially because the Humans invited them down. By now the Alabâs interest had attracted the attention of most of the Great Unity, who telepathically watched through the Alab sensory hearts as a world opened up around them. This colony was not the tarnished scar they would have expected of a nascent race. Even the planet was different from the dusty rock it had started as.
A cool breeze touched the Alab delegation. It was scented with so many things that, for a moment, the Alab was frozen in simply trying to process the variety. The variety, of course, came from the masterpiece of terraforming before them: where there were one craters, glittering pools shimmered with the reflective scales of aquatic creatures; the star-burnt ridges now housed both massive, rigid photosynthetic organisms and prancing furred quadrupeds.
Even that brief glimpse sparked massive speculation on the universal scale. Were the humans genetic engineers whose art surpassed even that of the Tra'di? Did their planet simply have that many organisms, with an evolutionary history far enough beyond anything seen elsewhere, to create such variety of perfectly proportioned life? Landscape designers hurriedly took notes and scans, preparing for the unavoidable rush of requests for the new style.
But that wasnât the mission, as stunning as the landscape was. The Alab turned around, clicking their hearts at the abrupt change in input. The city was massive, a gleaming wonder in stone and steel, somehow surpassing the crystal forests of the Mavse in elegance. The ships soaring through the skies above shone like the stars they sought, yet the Alab could pick out individual details on the designs adorning them. Not long after this event, other species began to visit Humanityâs homes. Without fail, each and every one of them was uniquely beautiful. Their ships werenât the fastest, but one couldnât help but be impressed at their symmetry. Their music wasnât the most complex, but it often gave rise to more emotion than actual empathic abilities. And each colony had its own biome, its own set of unique species, each more impressive than the last.
Rumors began to grow, as they do, surrounding the home world of the greatest artists the universe had ever seen. Some said that it was drab, focused on training the artists they sent out rather than on making the art itself. Others declared that Earth obviously was a religious secret (they had found out that humans had religion only a few cycles earlier. Of course, their prayers and monuments were the most beautiful anyone had ever seen), but that was scoffed at. The sheer breadth of human religions wouldnât allow a decision that unified, the debaters pointed out, and at least one human would have given it away before now if it was something centered on faith. By far the most popular opinion was that even the most wondrous works on the colony worlds paled in comparison to the splendor of Earth. Tales spread, saying that anyone nonhuman who saw Earth in all its glory would be struck silent by awe, never to speak again, for fear of diminishing the memory of what they saw. That Earth was so wondrous that the colonists saw their own worlds, home to more abstract riches and honor than most of the rest of the universe, as hopelessly utilitarian, as gray and lifeless in comparison as Raner Alikrem to Ormek 8.
Over the Human cycles, Earth grew in fame and mystery. Despite taking advantage of every advancement shown to them, Humanity never once volunteered knowledge or technology beyond that of their art and culture. Nobody minded, though, as said art was definitely worth the cost. Humans got more and more famous, and continually better educated, as the Great Unity slowly funded and rewarded their astounding work. But they retained their peculiar aversions, never accepting any weapons, or training, or even remotely militant designs, acting almost horrified at the thought of violence. It made sense, in an odd way. The fragmentary human history that had been gathered from the occasional interview with the taciturn race was as pure as it came, one where even hinting at conflict would see one shunned. Traders and scholars learned this quickly, taking specialized training in avoiding the subject just to avoid scaring their precious artists. It was with this in mind that the Gald set out for Earth. They were one of the oldest species in the galaxy, and undoubtedly one of those for whom the times of peace chafed the most. It was in seeking both truth and conquest that they sent out their expeditionary force towards Earth. The logic was plain even to the most sedentary of species - if the most fascinating mystery in all the universe was being guarded by the eleventh most physically weak of the races, and the second least violent (the least being an immobile, telepathic cellscape that covered a small moon), then of course a predator-evolved race with an undeniable urge to spread their reach, grow their power, would eventually come after them.
The first fleet was more of a team of armed ambassadors than an armada. Even as they attacked, the Gald hoped to stay in Humanityâs good graces. The Gald kept in careful contact with them up until the moment they crossed over into the shielded Earthspace. The first fleet was never heard from again. The Gald, logically assuming that some standard space disaster had befallen their fleet, sent another, this one with precautionary reconnaissance and messenger ships. Again, all was well up to the shielded space. The Gald, sure that the new fleet was safe from all but the strangest disasters, waited with bated breath for the return of the messenger ships.
The first one came back early, not only with a report from the fleet (no notable planets had been found yet, other than twelve deathworlds. The fleet continued its search for Earth), but with cargo. That was unexpected, to say the least. The messenger ships had been intended to fly back and forth across the shield, transmitting messages from one side to the other. That one had been used instead to transfer what looked like an derelict satellite meant that, whatever was on that satellite, it was worth looking in to. The satellite proved a welcome distraction from waiting for the return of the second fleet. It had turned out to be an old mining surveyor, sent into what would become Earthspace mere ertd before the humans entered the Great Unity. It had been destroyed - they couldnât tell by what - only twelve Human cycles before said entrance. Excitedly, the Gald searched the recorded scans from the surveyor for images of Earth. It only took them a few hundred false positives - deathworlds and wastelands all - before they found it. A world, extremely high in water content, of substandard gravity. Cloaked, seemingly unintentionally, in a cacophony of electromagnetic signals, the world had all the readouts of a near-spacefaring race. The Gald, elated at their discovery of Earthâs exact location (what kind of planet hides themselves in the exact center of the protective shielding?), sent the messenger ship back across, with new commands for the fleet. There was no response. The second fleet had, somehow, vanished.
Frustrated now, the Gald sent a proper fleet for the third time, targeting the exact location of their quarry. Armed with the most formidable equipment the Great Unity (home to almost a thousand intelligent warlike species) had to offer, and with a borderline-forbidden Breacher signal processing unit that would allow them to transmit past the shielding back to their home planet, they closed in.
Everything was going well - the invasion force was actually feeling a bit pointless - when they reached the first field of wreckages. They stopped for just long enough to check that there were no survivors of their fleet, and that there were no intact ships or weapon systems to harvest. It was when they reached the second fleet that they realized something might actually be wrong - these ships were perfectly bisected along the power cores, the corpses of their crew shot midfloat even as they died in the depressurization of space. But again, scans revealed no useful resources, personnel, or information about the opposing force. By then the crews had begun to mutter. Nobody had any idea of what could have done all of this - the technology was far beyond that of the rest of the Great Unity. Some said that it was a rogue member of the Great Unity who had gotten there first. Others said that it was even a species from outside the known, who was trying to infiltrate the Great Unity through their physically weakest link. Either way, the mission of the Gald shifted in a new direction: save the humans from this strange new threat. The fact that doing so would net them the secrets of Earth was simply a bonus to a glorious war. The high command glinted at that - it was a political win/win from something that they had expected to bring them only hatred. As the Gald, weapons primed against the unknown threat, passed into the solar system that Earth was supposed to be located in, they began to broadcast their oncoming victory across the universe. Every member of the Great Unity guiltily watched, greedy for the final answer to the Question of Earth. The Gald passed the star that Earth circled. They counted planets our from the center, pausing when they got to the third nearest. It wasnât Earth. Or at least, it didnât look like it. There were no towering cities of light, nor were there full monasteries of inspiration. There were no massive tracts of wildlife, no âforestsâ, no poles of ice, no massive mountains. Even the water, which had before been one of the natural wonders of this world according to the mining satellite, had vanished, leaving the continents indistinguishable from the sea floor. Horror and sadness filled the galaxy - clearly whatever had destroyed the Gald fleets had also smote the Earth into oblivion, leaving slag where there were once mountains, and radioactive craters where the satellite showed had once been glorious cities.
It was while the Gald drifted in shock that the armada appeared, dropping cloaks unlike anything the Great Unity had ever seen before unleashing whirlwinds of light and kinetics upon the unfortunate war fleet. The signal cut off. Silently - so as not to alarm the human colonies, who had, of course, not watched - the myriad worlds of the Great Unity came to a consensus. They would keep this horrendous act of violence from the Humans for as long as possible. They would arm themselves, surrounding Earthspace with the best and brightest of every militant force the Great Unity had to offer. And they would study every recorded trace of the Gald transmission until they knew everything possible about those monstrous destroyers who came to be called the Worldbreakers.
Several erdt passed, with no trace of the Worldbreakers. Another fleet, armed again with a Breacher, was sent into Earthspace. They didnât last long. A pattern developed, over time. A fleet would go in, armed with the newest equipment, often technology inspired by their very foes. They would briefly be able to scan Earth and the neighboring systems, often places with even more melted planets, before being extinguished by the Worldbreakers. It happened again and again. The newest of weapons would be blocked with shields specifically designed against their unique energy signatures. The most outlandish of strategies was outdone as if textbook. Nothing could phase the Worldbreakers; it became clear that they had played at war at extremes beyond the imaginations of even the sadistic Denwim.
The Worldbreakers became a common component of human-free discussions. Cults formed around them, both worshipping their undefeated might and fearing the eventuality that they would notice the rest of the intelligent universe. And then the day came. The day that turned everything around. It was a combination of three simultaneous events, between an obsessive astronomical historian, a lab treating a Human child for brain damage, and a studentâs analysis of the Gald transmissions. The historian was comparing old electromagnetic transmission records to the current species database, to track how many near-spaceflight species actually developed it and entered the Great Unity. It was quite surprised when it found a plethora of electromagnetic records, all obviously from different species, from all across what became Earthspace. It wondered to its colleagues what could have happened to seventy-three distinct species that would leave no trace of their civilization. No disaster they could imagine would have allowed the survival of only the Humans, a race too fragile to survive much of their own planet, much less interstellar catastrophes. The doctor who headed up the lab was doing routine lobe simulations, checking that each repaired part of the Human childâs brain worked as properly. He was quite interested in this, as Humans generally performed their own operations, and the Human brain was largely a mystery to most of the universe. He was hoping for some distinctive part that would explain Humanityâs artistic skills, so his simulations were very in depth.
One can imagine his surprise when, instead of symmetry and resonance being the core of the Human biopsychological makeup, his simulation showed little other than pure, unadulterated aggression and greed. Uncertain, he ran it again. And again. Then he called the other interspecies doctors he knew to have them replicate the results. It was confirmed - Humans, the race so famous for hating the mere thought of conflict, was at its core the most hateful species the Great Unity possessed, orders of magnitude worse than the Gald. And the studentâs work sealed the matter. In a thermometric readout of the planets destroyed by the Worldbreakers, she found that, according to standard interplanetary cooling formulas, the Earth had to have been destroyed long ago, before even the Humans reached out to the Great Unity to ask for privacy. Unity laws prevented locations with signs of unknown species from being placed under electromagnetic shielding and social quarantine, so the Worldbreakers couldnât have been there to destroy Earth before the shield was placed. The paradox did not lend itself at all to any known theories. The logic was clear. Even the hive minds agreed. Humanity was not the docile race of scholars and artists that they appeared. Nor were they shy about their homeworld. Not shy, but paranoid. Sensibly paranoid that, should the Great Unity discover their war-torn past, that they had not only destroyed at least seventy-three sentient species but also their own planet in the short time between when they had developed space flight and joined the Great Unity, the other members would have either fled or tried and failed to exterminate them. So they went with their other option - beauty. They hid their ugliness under a veil of wonder, only sending their unstoppable armada after those who came close to finding out their secret past.
The understanding rocked the galaxy. Nobody sane had even contemplated this before, that one species could appear so innocent and yet be so terrifying. Their worlds would never be the same. Despite all of this, little to nothing changed for the Humans. Aliens still came from all over to view their work, even if they now did it with apprehension. Scholars still appreciated their mystery, perhaps all the more.
And, of course, the unofficial rule that the topic of violence was never, ever to be breached while Humans were in contact suddenly became a lot more official.
Tl;dr: Humans are the super shy aliens. Too bad. Itâs always the quiet ones.
Deathworlders Ho! Sunburn
I wanted to try getting in on this whole âHumans are Space Orcsâ thing, and this is my first entry, so⊠be kind, feedback welcome.
⊠Three days ago, Human Ramona had, against the captainâs explicit orders, taken her containment suit off during a mission and gone diving into a body of water to retrieve a probe that had crashed and was believed lost. Â
She was, despite all logic and understanding, completely fine afterwards, and had passed the bio-screenings and decontam without issue, however the shipâs medico Kreig had wanted to keep a close eye on her and had been doing regular checkups to make sure that nothing was⊠out of sorts with their unstoppable human murder weapon.
As the away party was coming back from a routine trading mission, Kreig stopped Human Ramona in the locker area and asked her to turn around.  âI know this is probably a fairly normal deathworlder⊠thing⊠however I wanted to check, it looks like your carapace is âmoltingâ. Is this⊠normal?â
Ramona took a moment to process, then backed up towards a mirror so she could see her exposed back.  âOh! Yeah, when I took my suit off the other day I got a little too much radiation, probably the fact that it was a binary star system. This is just a bit of what we humans call a âsunburnâ, my damaged skin is sloughing off and being replaced by new, healthy skin. See?â
And with that, much to Kriegâs horror and aghast, she reached around and pulled a large chunk of her own skin off.
âI figured you of all people would know about thisâ, Ramona said, offering the bit of discarded flesh to Krieg.  âI thought your race molted.â
âWe do.â Krieg said, through quivering mandibles, as he reached a claw out and accepted the offered⊠flesh strip⊠unsure what to do with it.  âBut for us it is an all or nothing proposition. Once a stellar cycle, we jettison our external carapace and then spend ten days in deep meditation while a new one forms and solidifies.â
Human Ramona bared her teeth at him in the expression he had come to know as a âsmileâ. It wasnât comforting.  âOh, wow, no, we humans do this all the time. Even when there isnât this much damage, weâre constantly regenerating new skin and hair and nails. Only doing it once a year, that must be awfully tough on you.â
A worried thought flickered through Kriegâs hindbrain, and he politely excused himself from the Humanâs company, then went into his medical bay and locked the door. Â
âOk computer, define âsloughâ.â He read the results with a grim expression. âOk computer, run a shipwide scan for⊠human cellular material⊠not attached to a living human.â
As his claw reached towards the large red emergency Quarantine button, he committed the results to memory. The positive results were displayed in red. There were no non-red parts. The human waste was everywhere.
Humans are Weird: Boredom
Pet Owner Training manual.
Chapter 1Â
How to Keep Your Human Happy
As you have learned by now, this manual has nothing to do with the upkeep of beasts, but more about the upkeep of human companions. As we all know, the Galactic Assembly does not categorize the human as a Pet species, but there has been some call from nonhuman- coworkers for a manual on dealing with their human companions.Â
The publishers of this manual were unsure how insulted humans might be on the creation of this manual and therefore put it under a different name for we know that humans have an odd hatred for following concrete instructions, and therefore usually do not read users or construction guides.
We would like to begin by stating a truth universally known: Time and time again, history has proven that an unhappy human is a destructive human. As a super-complex emotional species, the human has many ways of being unhappy, they can be angry, sad, depressed, annoyed, frustrated, hurt, betrayed, or bored.
In turn the influence of their destruction can be wide ranging or even dangerous. The spectrum can range from self destruction all the way to homicide.Â
Humans are more emotionally complex than any species in the galaxy, but they are also one of the youngest sentient species as well with an extreme connection to their animalistic instincts compared to more evolved species.
Not to say that the human isnât intelligent. The cortical capacity of a human is as wide ranging as their emotional spectrum. They can range from a low G-6 classification with brain damage to an A-9 genius level.Â
The human cortical capacity to learn and grow is beyond what we have seen from almost any other species. They need to learn, and they need to be occupied to satisfy the brain, and thus the emotions, in an engaging way. While we will be discussing all classified forms of human negative emotion, we are first going to begin with one of the most dangerous and brilliant of human motivationsâŠ. boredom.
Boredom is characterized as the feeling a human gets when they are not being cognitively challenged, and ignoring the signs can have dire consequences.Â
The inside of a rundi prison couldnât be categorized as very homey. It was almostâŠ. nothing.
It was the absence of extremes. The white walls reflected all light, the floors were not to hard or to soft, the atmosphere matched average body temperature, There was nothing to look at, and nothing to talk about. There was hardly any background noise at all.
Krill might have found the environment relaxing if it wasnât for his human companion pacing angrily back and fourth across the cell.Â
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Humans are Weird: Color Vision
So, I am learning about color perception in one of my classes, and it turns out the ability to see and understand color is more complex than we often think despite the limited range on the electromagnetic spectrum between 400-700 nanometers. So, I thought I would write a little story about how human color vision is weird.
 The war with the Gnarâlack had reached a critical turning point. The Finnerian council was at its wits end. They were losing the war, and badly. The Unified Galactic Assembly had sent aid in the form of additional troops to supplement their own, but all efforts had been for not, and the assisting soldiers had been withdrawn home at the order of their home worlds.
        The Finneri were on their own with no chance of aid left in the galaxy and their spirits broken. Soon the last transport ship would be sent off world with their children in an attempt to preserve their species.
The likelihood of which seemed slim.
        General Lin-Ar was camped with what was left of his men along the southern polar border waiting for, what was likely to be, their last and final battle.
        If this last ditch plan didnât work, they were doomed to extinction at the hand of their greatest enemy. The world would be overrun by the Gnarâlak and they would become only a memory in distant histories.
        âGeneral?â The radio signal intercepted him on his posterior receptors, and he turned to face the speaker. Infrared and thermal sensors within his eyes picked up the spot as a glowing radiant beacon of heat.
        âCommander.â
        âAre we ready?â
        âWe have to be.â
        The two turned themselves to the commandâs last interstellar communication tower and began the process.
        âWhat happens if none answer?â
        âThen we give up our last hope.â There was a long silence as the two contemplated those words before
        âHow do we know the stories are even true?â
        General Lin-Ar paused to think about that for a moment. Truth be told he wasnât really sure if the stories were true. This far out on the border of the galaxy, stories of humans were still more myth than fact, but what other choice did he have. It he had to choose between a long shot and giving up, there was only one option.
        âSend the transmission.â
        The commander gave a nod stepping up to the tower to input the message, and there they waited with bated breath. The infrared monitor on the far wall remained silent for a horrible moment before bursting into an array of blinding intensity.
        The shape sitting there was so blinding, the cameras were having trouble adjusting to the signal.
        âThis is Captain Vir of the USS Stabby responding to an urgent SOS from the planetâŠ. UhâŠ. GnfâŠ. I canât pronounce that.â
        Relief washed over the general as he moved to the screen. The translator was working.
        âSo the stories are true.â Came the static response.
        âTrue and serious as a heart attack, GeneralâŠ. Anyway what can I do you for?â
        The human spoke oddly. From what he heard they were supposed to be a barbaric and warlike race, but as far as he could tell the human was on the far side of nonthreatening even a little spacey. His hopes began to dwindle.
        âWe are the Finneri, and we are close to extinction. For over millions of years we have been at war with the Gnarâlak. Despite all of our efforts, we have failed to hold them back. I represent what is left of my race begging you for assistance. You are our last hope.â
        âWell S***, that does sound bad. I warn you, General. I represent only one ship. I donât know if there is much we can do.â
        âIf all the stories I have heard are correct, than I would rather take that chance.â
        âHmâŠ. Well, how could I say no to that? Give us a day.â The com went dead
        General Lin-ar paused in confusion, âHe had expected a measure of resistance. Any race would have. To help a people on the brink of destruction against overwhelming odds was reason for concern, but the human had agreed almost out of hand recklessly agreeing to a suicide mission without knowing anything about the situation.
        Why would anyone do that?
        What had they gotten themselves into?
        Perhaps the quick agreement had just been a cultural construct. Maybe the humans would never show up, but personal discussion required that they agree in order to avoid offending. Only time would tell.
***
Keep reading
Humans are Space Orcs: The Marathon
From the Intergalactic Journal of Mechanics and Biology
They say that a single human once ran for 80 hours 44 minutes without stopping to sleep. He covered a distance of 350m (360km) during that time. At a relative speed of less than 5 miles an hour, the speed pales in comparison to other apex predators of their planet. The spotted cheetah can run up to 76 miles per hour, but can only sustain that for approximately 1,500 feet. The best bread and trained horses of their planet may be able to run 100 miles in a day, but many who attempt this feat never finish.
Despite its relative speed, the human can sustain a relative pace of four miles an hour four a little over three earth solar cycles without rest (keep in mind that this is not an examination of average ability).
Once thought to be the most endurance evolved species in the galaxy, the Rundi can run for an hour at the speed of fifteen miles per hour, but in a long distance race with a human, they find themselves slowly outmatched.
First, they outpace the human easily, they grow slowly tired, they fall to a slow walking speed, they try to maintain, but their body overheats. Eventually the steady footsteps of the approaching human converge and then pass ahead to recede into the distance.
Compared to most creatures, the human has a few advantages. Bipedal in nature, they can carry objects with them as they run like water and food, the arches in their feet act as shocks and springs to decrease shock. The feet are oriented straight ahead and their toes are shortened to decrease the mechanical work of the foot. Spring-like tendons and ligaments aid them as they run. A narrow waist that can pivot allows for the swimming of arms during running action. A heightened sense of balance and movement keeps them on a straight course and allows their head to remain steady as they go. About 20 miles of energy can be stored in the muscles themselves. Additionally, one of the largest muscles in the body, the gluteus maximus is not engaged during a brisk walk but during a run. But the biggest factor, is their ability to cool through sweat.
As far as we know, humans, and some of their earthly counterparts, are the only creatures in the universe that excrete water to catalyze cooling.
 They were going to die.
They were going to die.
The sun would come up, and burn them to death and they were going to die.
Krill never thought that his life would end this way. Surrounded by the strange Humans on a class A death planet waiting for the star to rise over the horizon and melt them to a crisp.
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More on humans are space orcs
What if weâre the only ones who need so many calories? What if most other races evolved to survive on as little food as possible? Like, 500 calories.
Human: Iâm hungry.
Alien: You already had your meal.
Human: That was an hour ago.
Alien: So?
Human: Well Iâm hungry again!
Alien: How?
Human: I need to eat at least 3 times a day.
Alien: What?
Human: Well yeah we eat at least 2000 calories a day and often more, mostly in carbs.
Alien: Iâm sorry how much?
Human: 2000. Why how much do you eat?
Alien: About 500 a day.
Human: That little?
Alien: Thank Vâzoffoa we have a replicator on board, you would have eaten through our entire food supply in about a week.
I see your humans are space orcs, and I raise you humans are space fey (Iâm doing this on mobile so bear with me)
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They had all heard the warnings, but Ikosti wrote them off as baseless superstition. Surely, only fledglings believed the tales of the Allecius Cluster. Surely, only fledglings believed the old cronesâ tales about the vanishing ships and phantom sensory readings and secretive Watchers that stole away crews wandering too far into the sector. Xe grew up on those stories: even xir own grandhatcher claimed xir mate had been lost to the Watchers. In fact, it was for those very reasons xe had volunteered to lead this scouting mission, to allay his peopleâs fears about this section of space. The mission, however, had not gone as planned.
âCaptain, the sensors are picking up that signal again. At this point Iâm tempted to say we should just hail it and see what happens.â The communications officer broke Ikostiâs focus from the stellagation charts. Ikosti cocked xir head to the side, adjusting the feathers around xir beak in thought.
âYou know what, Chitir? Iâm tempted to say yes. For the time being, keep our sensors on it. If we can calculate a jump reading off it when it leaves, maybe we can find a way out of this mess.â Ikosti sank into the captainâs chair, fore-talons threading against xir temples. If theyâd been anywhere back near Aycotli space, near any Federation space really, xe would have reprimanded Chitir for such informality on the bridge. But at this point, nearly 10 rotations trapped in this hellscape of a nebula, xe would not fault xir nestmate for putting regulation aside. This was, after all, quite an irregular predicament.
The mission had started off regularly enough. The Fyndilâs Grace had easily made it through the first jump to the Allecius system. From there, the ship was to chart the region as best it could, searching primarily for a new hyperspace route. The Gul Dominion controlled most of the known routes, and with tensions between the two species rising, the Aycotli Flock was looking for anything that they could use if the Dominion revoked access to their hyperplanes. All known routes went around the Allecius Cluster, sometimes hundreds of parsecs off course just to avoid traveling the Cluster. And now, xe knew why.
Things were innocuous enough when they first arrived. Cilaed, the shipâs engineer, had reported no excess emission from the engine, and all green across the shipâs entire power grid. Only minutes later, the ship powered down. Only quick thinking and the sacrifice of Cilaedâs stasis pod prevented them from floating completely dead in space. Cilaed lasted the first three rotations on his reserved energy before his body gave out. Ikosti wasnât worried: even if the rest of the crew perished, Cilaed would survive in his dormant mode until he was pumped with enough electricity to restart his body. The loss of the chief engineer, however, was proving a costly one. The stasis pod could keep them on reserve power almost indefinitely. It would last 2 decades, almost twice the average Aycotli lifespan. Their food stores, however, were starting to run low, and the electronic interference from the nebula they were in prevented any communication extending beyond their current system. With the pod, they could make one jump, but lose all power a few rotations after, and with no coordinates to make the jump with, theyâd be trying to thread a needle blindfolded, so to speak. So theyâd sat for the last several rotations, puttering along in search of a place they might broadcast a distress signal from, or at least a warning about whatever energy field it was that cut their power to begin with.
It had been two rotations before the first phantom signal appeared. Their sensors were unable to pick up any vessel, so they wrote it off as electrical interference. But then it came back again, leaving small radiation bursts in itâs want indicative of a hyperdrive. Federation Protocol dictated they refrain from contacting any potentially uncontacted species, so they sat, and waited.
Several minutes had gone by until Ikosti heard an audible intake of breath from his nestmate. âWhatâs happening?â
âCaptain, itâs starting to head towards us.â The rest of the bridge turned at that, a mix of apprehension and hope across their faces.
âHmm, put it on-screen. If they get within 150,000,000,000 standard units, hail them.â The crew all turned towards the stellagation chart as Chitir pulled up the tracker. At first, their observer moved cautiously towards the Grace, but it after a few seconds it started to pick up speed. Soon enough, it was charging towards them, covering hundreds of thousands of units per second. âPelo, raise shields! Jorwi, standby for emergency evasive maneuvers!â
The duo sprang to life at the orders as the rest of the crew looked on, and Ikosti took some solace in the fact that xe sounded more in control than xe felt.
âHailing them now, Captain!â Chitir called out as the oncoming ship barreled towards them. The channel flared to life and Ikosti began immediately: âThis is Captain Ikosti D'Thylozt of the Aycotli Flock, performing a scouting mission on the behalf of the Federation of Allied Species. We are not a military vessel. I repeat, we are not a military vessel. Please disengage!â The ship showed no sign of stopping, and just before xe called for the emergency thrusters, the ship stopped. An image appeared on the glass in front of Ikosti, and xe felt nearly gasped in shock. On the screen in front of xem was undeniably one of the Watchers.
The being looked utterly alien, lacking any kind of feather or scale. Instead, the Watcher was covered in what almost looked to be uncured kath hide. The Watcher wore an elaborate robe, emblazoned with flecks of ruby, sapphire, and emerald trimmed with gold. Its head was crowned with tufts of elongated for instead of plumage or scale, reminding Ikosti of the long grass native to xir homeworld.
The Watcher glanced over the crew and barred its teeth before letting out an almost musical sort of noise. Dimly in the background, the translation programs indicated it was a noise of happiness.
âGreetings, Captain. Itâs been a long time since we last had Aycotli here.â The crew hid their surprise with varied success as they realized the Watcher spoke near perfect Aycotlia. âI am Captain Jones. We noticed your ship disabled in the nebula, and weâve come to take you to a safe port.â The Watcher turned away from the screen and tapped twice on a console. A thin, shimmering light gleamed from the Watcherâs ship and encased the Grace. âIâve established a gravitational bond between our vessels to guide you through the Catâs Eye. Is your ship sound enough to make a jump?â
âIt is, Captain Jones, but I must insist that you return us to Federation space so we can initiate the appropriate First Contact Protocols.â
âIâm sorry Captain D'Thylozt, but you arenât in a position to insist. We will explain more when we reach Craddle, but suffice it to say my people avoid contact with the younger species for a reason. However, I couldnât leave my dear friendâs grand-hatchling stranded.â Ikosti opened his beak and then clamped it shut. Xir grandhatcher had told the story so many times: xe lost xir nestmate during one of the final days of the Durati Border Wars, but always claimed the disabled ship was pulled out of the line of fire by a mystery vessel and that it had simply disappeared afterwards. But, if that was the caseâŠ
Ikosti relayed the order to prepare for a jump to hyperspace and turned back to the monitor. âAt your ready, Captain.â
Iâm going to end this here for the time being but maybe Iâll write a follow up if thereâs interest? I just like the idea of humans as a species of morally ambiguous space hermits with really advanced tech, etc etc. I just feel like most of the time, space Australia fiction is about humanity reaching the stars relatively late to the scene, and I think itâs cool to think of what might happen if weâre the first ones out there and just kinda act like vodka aunt to the rest of the universe.
(Note: standard units for distance here are kilometers. The Earth is roughly 150 billion kilometers from the sun, for comparison.)
Humanity
Itâs easy to forget that among the Umvirate races humans have the least distance from their evolutionary ancestors. Theyâre charming and friendly, and get along with damn near everyone.
But there are moments when weâre reminded just how animal these newcomers still are. For me, that moment was when our ship crashed.
Smoke clogged the air, pouring from combusting electronics. My ducts wheezed forcefully, trying to force the particles out. Logically I knew it was a waste of effort; no one would be able to lift the section of ship that had me pinned. But every species has some degree of survival instinct in them, and mine wouldnât let me stop.
Thank the algorithms for that.
A shape burst through the whirling smoke and flames, forcing them to curl around it and snarling as the tongues of fire licked at its exposed flesh. A brief hope swelled within me before my rational mind quelled it. I cannot be saved, it said. Do not drag anyone down with me.
âWhat are you doing here?â I called, recognizing our human, Ash, whom weâd picked up not two calendars ago. âYou have to get out!â
Ash barked in a hoarser laugh than normal, the smoke, I assumed, and said, âAnd leave you behind? Not happening.â I could see the humanâs eyes now, darting about taking in the situation. The pupils widened as it saw where I was pinned and for a moment I was horribly reminded that it came from a predator species. Logic, thankfully, overrode the accompanying worries. Still, it did not have enough strength in its frame to move the metal that had me pinned, not with under this gravity, not even with its deathworlder build.
I tried again to warn Ash away as it approached, but a snarl was the reply I got as the human braced itself against the floor and pinning metal. I closed my ears in grief. We had been warned, of course, how humans will imprint on crew members, treating them as they would family. It was part of what attracted us to the idea of hiring one, after all. But we hadnât accounted for the bonding working both ways, and now I felt guilt for Ashâs impending death.
I did not hear â as my ears were screwed shut â but rather felt the metal warping as it was bent off of me. Shock overtook me as my brain attempted to make sense of the event. Ash could not have the strength to do that, but somehow did. Thank the algorithms. By the time I could process everything that happened fresh air was assaulting my ducts. Gratefully I inhaled and stared up at the beautiful, grimacing beast that had saved me.
Us, I quickly realized. Several other crewmembers, only somewhat singed, lay in the field around us. I could hear Ashâs ducts working overtime to supply fresh air to its system and my sight returned to it. The humanâs eyes were wide and staring at the burning wreckage. Not in fear, I realized, but focus. A focus so intense that I shivered to even be on its periphery. But the guttural roar that burst from the duct of the human shook me even more.
Ash began sprinting back into the burning ship. I lay there in silent horror watching my companion defy every survival instinct it must have and charge back to save more of our crewmembers. And then I saw it happen again.
And again.
And again.
Seventeen members were saved before the fire became too intense for even the deathworlder. It collapsed to its knees at the burning entrance making sounds I recognized as distress. Having recovered enough to move, I drug myself forward and wrapped myself around the human in the manner that I had been told was comforting. It must have worked as the human gripped me tightly â uncomfortably so â as it wailed in grief for the lives it could not save.
I learned later â almost as an aside while giving my report â how it was that Ash was able to accomplish what I had thought logically impossible. Evidently under great stress humans secrete a natural compound very similar to higher end combat stims. This gives them increased energy, further resistance to pain, and unbounded use of their freakish strength. That last thought especially chilled me. It was haunting to know that every feat of power Iâd seen until then was subconsciously limited by their brains to prevent their own body from tearing itself apart.
Despite the tragedy, Ash thankfully chose to stay on, though I think it was uncomfortable with the newfound deference shown to it. But there was nothing to be done about it.
After all, to us Ash was an angel.
Human stomach acid is so strong it can dissolve metal.
The penny on the left was taken from a dogâs stomach. The right, from a human.
If it touched your skin, it would burn right through it.
So hereâs the writing idea; attacking aliens are afraid to shoot, stab, or in any way pierce the abdomen of the human in case this melts them.
What a shame that all the vital organs, which youâd have to hit if you want to stand a chance of stopping a human, are located in this area.
Prompt
The peace negotiations were not going well. War seemed inevitable. Then one of the humans thought âfuck itâ and decided to pet the enemy ambassador.
Someone better make this XD
Ptss @imaheckincyborg @stellwrath
âââ-
Carla was tired of it, the whole thing was going to hell faster than any of them anticipated and humanity was in the brink of a war because of some idiot space pirates that happened to have some humans on its crew, it wasnât even them that attacked the Zvekrii-Gui mothership.
She could see Steve getting paler at each word traded, he was a wise old man, great at negotiations most of the time, but not even him was being able to sway the Zvekrii ambassador, despite their appearance they were known to be ruthless and hard headed.
Damn. Carla was a bulky strong giant of a woman and despite usually dressing in her military clothes she was a girly girl at heart and⊠and she didnât want to go to war with them. Oh, not because she feared war or bloodshed, she could go easily batshit crazy in battle and even enjoy it, the problem wasâŠ
Zvekrii-Gui were⊠everything her child self could have wished aliens were, small, fluffy, pink, they seemed like the softest things in the galaxy and their eyes⊠big shiny cyan spheres of pure fairy dust, just like Tom her plush unicorn.
Of course she was worried with the prospect of war, she wasnât stupid, humans rarely fought opponents so technologically matching (yeah, humans could be pretty despicable like that, but so were the aliens they were negotiating with) and the losses could be far worse than any other war the Human Empire had fought so far.
She sighed.
Steve was flailing now, wow, how professional, the Zvekrii ambassador started to leave.
In a bout of insanity Carla thought âfuck itâ it was going to be the last chance she would have to ever have the chance to touch the cute things anyway aside from dead bodies - probably.
When her hand connected with the ambassador head the whole room went silent and still.
The little thing looked at her with wide cyan eyes that soon started to close in bliss almost unwillingly when she started to scrach and pet his fluffy soft fur.
âYou guys are the softest beautest creatures Iâve ever met.â She said softly almost to herself. âI really would hate to have to fight you guys.â
For her - and everyoneâs suprise the ambassador let her pet him for a long while, and when he regained his bearings somehow he looked at her with something akin to satisfaction and⊠smugness? Was that right?
âWhat do you call that thing that you did with my head?â The Zvekrii-Gui words were translated instantly by her head implant.
âHmm⊠You mean, pettingâŠ?â She tried.
âIf your race are willing to greet us this way everytime our races meet for at least a hundred years, there will be no wars between our kind.â The ambassador said magnanimously and Carla lifted one brow and looked at Steve.
The poor man looked shocked for a second before starting to vigorously nod in her direction.
âDeal.â She said with a smirk.
And thus the Zvekrii-Gui & Human Petting Treaty was born and the two races became terrifying (for the overall alien community) allies.
Thank you. Thank you, you beautiful cretin for creating this
Itâs amazing. I love it.
Humans are from a Death World - They drink acid
The tap on the outer door was hesitant, but Captain Thrajj heard it. âCome,â he said, his deep voice carrying into the anteroom outside his office.
The door slid open, and Megis Mon, the Thrill Deputy Chief Engineer, sidled into the room. âCaptain.â
Thrajj was a Bifroni, and knew that he looked intimidating to a small species like the Thrills. He stayed seated behind his desk and tilted his head to one side. âDeputy Engineer, what can I do for you?â
âItâs the Chief,â said Mon, holding xir first set of hands clasped together, nervously. âI confess to be worried about his mental state and general health.â
Thrills were known to be a race of healers and carers, coming from their evolutionary line of hive-based societies. The Chief Medical Officer on the Endeavour was a Thrill. âWhy are you worried?â
âHis behaviour has been⊠erratic, the last three shifts. His voice became faint, then disappeared altogether. Chief Medic Doran signed him off for one week, and he has remained in his quarters with his pet feline ever since. His card has not been logged through the commissary, but he has been seen using food dispensers near his quarters at odd hours of the shipâs cycle. I pulled the last three records of his usage.â Mon carefully placed a data chip on the Captainâs desk.
He picked it up and fed it into the reader on the desk. âLiquid foods.â
âWe know how much he likes a solid meal, even more so than the other Humans on the ship. No, I am more concerned with the last item on the list.â
âWhy is that? It looks like the standard checmical composition for water.â
âHe asked for water at boiling point. I checked the chemical makeup of that last additive. Itâs an acid.â
Thrajj frowned. âAcid?â
âHeâs requested a gallon of boiling acid then went back to his room, and now heâs not answering his comm line!â said Mon, agitated now.
âMon, calm down,â said Thrajj, lowering his big, horned head. âHow many times have you shipped out with Humans?â
âThis is my second cruise, Captain.â
âI was a young ensign when the Human Federation first took to the stars and made contact,â said Thrajj. âThis is my fifty-second year of having Humans on my ships. Now, Iâll let you in on a secret.â He leaned forward, and a smile formed on his lips. âWith the Humans, there is always an explanation. They are a hardy species, they come from a homeworld that will kill you or I, but not only did they survive it, they tamed it. Then they went into space, and they tamed a lot of other worlds as well. And with Humans, there is always a reasonable explanation. Come, we shall go and see what the Chief Medic has to say, and then we shall go and see Chief MacDonald.â
===
âI signed him off for one ship week, that is correct,â said the CMO, another Thrill who went by Doran Dom. âHe has a mild viral infection, but one I have had experience in dealing with in the past. it is not transmissible to any of the other crew except other Humans, so it appears as if he has quarantined himself to avoid infecting others.â
âHave you any idea why he would request a gallon of boiling acid?â asked Thrajj.
âAs to that, I have no idea,âsaid Dom. âHis mental state when he left here was fine.â
===
âCapânâ, said the broad voice of Chief MacDonald. âIâd offer to let you in, but I donât want the crew catching what I have.â
He sounded⊠hoarser that he normally did, as though his voice hadnât been used in a few days and he was trying to remember how to use it. The tiny viewscreen on the panel outside his room showed the Chiefâs face, as much of it as could be seen behind the flaming red beard.
âThatâs fine, Chief, we can talk like this. Your deputy is very worried about you.â
âAch, Iâm fine. Or I will be in another few days. I have the dispenser down the hall and Pancake here to keep me company.â He hoisted the calico cat into the cameraâs view. Pancake miaowed.
âCan you explain the boiling acid you requested from the dispenser?â asked Mon, fretfully.
âBoiling acid?â repeated MacDonald, a look of puzzlement on his face.
âYour last three requests from the dspenser were two heplings of a hot liquid meal, and a gallon of boiling acid. Weââd like to know what thatâs for,â said Thrajj.
The Chief stared for a second, before bursting out laughing.
âOh, stars, oh my, thatâsâŠâ he broke off, tears of mirth running down his face. âI requested hot water with lemon, so I could add honey to it for my sore throat. Itâs an old method of getting fluids and electrolytes into a sick person. Did you think I would do something stupid with it?â
âThrills have a duty of care to their comrades,â said Mon stiffly.
âMon, my friend, you could have asked and I would have told you. Look, when you say boiling acid, it makes it sound so much worse than it is. Itâs citric acid, from fruits grown on Earth. We take the fruit and slice it up, we add honey from bees, and we pour hot water on top and mix it all up.â
âYou werenât answering your comm!â xe shouted.
âI apologise,â said the Chief gravely. âI was probably asleep. I took a pill last night to help me sleep.â
âHow soon will you be back to work?â asked Thrajj.
âIf Chief Dom will sign me off, I can be back the day after tomorrow. I feel much better, but Iâd rather wait and make sure Iâm completely clean before I rejoin the crew.â
âVery well, Chief. Thank you for your time.â
âThank you, Captain, Deputy.â
âSee?â said Thrajj, once the screen had gone dark. âAlways a reasonable explanation.â
âBoiling. Acid.â
Thrajj snorted. âThis is nothing. Come, we shall have a drink and I will tell you of the time a bunch of Humans taped a knife to a cleaning robotâŠâ