Alison Lo:)

just documenting some thoughts channeling through my mind.            instagram: @alison.lwy @atypicalisun

[alisonlwy]

wait expectedly

‘Waiting’ is difficult. 

There have been a lot of seasons of waiting in my life before I even noticed - especially in 2020, I feel like in many aspects of my life, I am waiting for something: mostly answers from God.

One thing that I discover recently is to wait expectedly. So... what does that even mean? 

Ask yourself this question, “What am I waiting for?”

An offer? An answer? A sign? A relationship?

I believe and I know that everything comes from God, so for me, the question is more like Who am I waiting for? To be honest, it’s more like a reminder than a question. I think one of the biggest thing that I need to keep on reminding myself whenever I wait this year is - the nature of God. 

Who is this God that I am believing in? 

He is a loving God, and a God full of power and authority, He is a God full of promises. Nothing is impossible for Him (Luke 1:37), nothing is too hard for Him. And all the answers and all the wait come back to Him. He is the one who start and end things, literally everything. 

If God becomes the one who you’re waiting, then waiting seems easier to go through when you recall Who He is.

He is the one who wants me to wait for Him, He started the waiting season for me. So if He started this waiting season, at some point, I am sure that He will end it. And through it all, He will reveal the answers and directions that I need. 

I expect to see Him acting. 

When I think about this, after all waiting doesn't seem as difficult. Waiting is just another state/season of life that I need to go through to grow and it’s for my good (Romans 8:28). As of now, I am still waiting for another aspect of my life to be revealed, I don't know what or how it is going to be unfold. And maybe my desire is totally different from what God desires, and it might be scary to see it being unfold one day. But I expect Him to show me anything that He needs me to know or do.

And that is why, I will wait for my God expectedly.

- 17th September 2020 -

[alisonlwy]

the spontaneous reflection

Wow, I haven't logged in here for so long - It’s been nearly two years. These two years, as same as my last post, have been full of ups and downs. When I look back at what I typed a couple years ago, “Oh gosh, this girl is being so pathetic!” 

Well I still face ups and downs these two years, they’re even more significant, but I made them through - one by one slowly, and have become a stronger person after all :) God has never left me but He continues to train me up and to equip me for His greater purpose with all these experiences. And I am thankful for all that I have experienced - both the goods and the uglies. 

What made the difference? 

I cling onto Him ever more than I ever am, I rely on Him more, I seek Him more. 

I’m thankful for who He made me to be now, I’m thankful for Jesus who died on the Cross for me.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. perseverance, character; and character, hope.” (Romans 5:1-5)

- 17th Sep 2020 -

[alisonlwy]

2018: thank you

“7 hours 39 minutes 30 seconds left...”

No doubt 2018 has been a highlight of this 19 years of life that I have had. 

2018 is not the year when I got baptised; 2018 is not the year when I was graduated from high school, or anywhere close to graduating from university; 2018 is not a year of falling in love for me either. 

Yet, 2018 is a year when I discovered more about the down side of myself; 2018 is a year when I had to learn how to tackle life struggles independently regardless of willingness; 2018 is a stressful university year. Yea so 2018 does not sound anywhere close to pleasing when you read til here. However 2018 is one of the best years that I have lived. Yea, definitely somewhere in the top list.

2018 feels like walking on waters.

There have been plenty of unexpected challenges and new people new experience that I encountered in 2018, particularly the second half of the year. Pretty much majority of these challenges appeared to be initial bummers to me. I was mostly thinking about how to deal with these problems by myself. However, little did I know, I only understood faith partly.

Relying on yourself, or human in general, can be quite desperate sometimes. As a Christian, prayers and worshipping God, as well as reading the Bible daily definitely helps with God’s overflowing peace, joy and love. But this just part of the faith, not all.

The biggest thing that I have learned this year is to love God with a pure heart.  “Okay then I need to obey Him, serve Him and love His people, at least.” I thought initially. Loving God is pure, yet not as easy as I thought when time goes by - it is also about surrendering.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13). Personally, one of the reason as to why ‘love’ is the greatest is that - nothing will ever happen without love. Nothing.

Faith develops out of ‘Love’. Because of this love, you surrender yourself completely, even in the unknowns. Lift up your whole life faithfully to Him to take control completely, even if it feels like walking on waters. Once you start loving Him, you are no longer taking control of your life, you are just an outsider. 

2018 was full of unknowns. Yet, God is constantly loving me and guarding my heart to love Him more. And that is more than anything else already.

I believe the unknowns in 2018 will bring me to more unknowns in 2019. But is it scary? The “unknowns” are only unknown for us. I, however, am more excited to see what God has prepared for me. Yep, my 2018 feels like walking on waters, but I am beyond thankful to be able to love and be loved.

Remember: “Love never fails - He never fails.”

2018, you’ve been good. Thank you.

(Blogged - No.33 Cafe Bar Norwich UK 31/12/2018 16:20)

[alisonlwy]

What have you been seeking for?

“Hey dear, what are you looking for?” he looked at me, nearly giggled for a bit. Fingers channeling through my short hair softly.

“Daddy, have you ever seen Mr Teddy? I couldn't find him anywhere...” river of tears started flowing down.

I assume everyone here had that little episode of loosing a Mr Teddy with two little swollen eyes. Yea, what have you been looking for?

Perhaps as a child, what we are searching for something that are quite visible. As an adolescence, we might be seeking for relationship or material possessions. Transferred to a level which is no longer something as visible, but more about feelings and emotions all these luxurious thoughts, perhaps we don't have any burdens yet. As an adult, there are more responsibilities to take - families, children, work, you name it - those luxurious thoughts are retained slightly. Once you get older, probably all you want is to retire and enjoy the rest of your life in the simplest way - but, is that it?

.

“Is that it?”

.

If life is just as plain as this, it is actually quite boring. Running aimlessly in all your life and at the end you gain nothing everlasting but a weary and old body. Don't you feel like there is something that your soul thirst of?

As the intro of “This Is Living (acoustic)” begins, walking through this busy campus, heart sinks in for a bit. Feeling like I’m completely separated from where I am standing. I don't belong to here.

.

What am I looking for? The Greater. 

.

I know that what I have been seeking for is not something that I can find in this world at this moment. Not until the appointed time. 

Not gonna lie, it can be quite frustrating that I cannot visualise or touch what I have been thirsting for in all my life right at this moment yet. I just want to hug Him, be close to Him and live in the Place that I don't have to worry about anything. 

However, the trace of Him. Trace of Him can be found around me, He is living in me. I never regret choosing this life that He has created. He is everything that I want and more. I keep on waiting and waiting and waiting. 

.

You are everything that I want and more. The only one thing that I have been seeking for.

.

I am no longer the girl crying over a teddy. 

-

In case you don't understand, I am a Christian. Sometimes as a Christian, I can feel the thirst of my soul towards the Father. In the Bible, it describes Christians as “foreigners and strangers” on earth (1 Chronicles 29:5). It is because we do not belong to here but something greater - Heaven where we reunite with God. Maybe some of you don't believe in what I say or don't understand what I say. You can ask any Christians around you. 

But what are YOU seeking for? It’s okay if we don't have the same faith. But - what are you seeking for at this moment?

-

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” - 2 Corinthians 5:7

(Blogged on 5th October 2018 18:06)

[alisonlwy]

The Dark Chocolate

Changed.

A world without changes would be so boring, certainly. However, who would like the change of something good and fresh fading out? If that’s you, then you should probably quit this page jks haha. Okay ikik not funny at all huh? Meh.

Anyways let’s get back to our main dish. When people say - I am afraid of the unknowns - they either have probably just been through something very terrible, or currently being indulged in splendid joy. Some may criticise them as being coward for not fighting against/challenge. However, I would say maybe that’s because they have been through so damn much that they can bear no more.

It’s just a little too much. 

A warrior could have died even when a feather lands on her shoulders while she’s over her limits.

The ugly of change is stark after getting used to the goodness, the sweetness of life. The daunting plummet sucks let me tell y’all. Dark chocolate can be the bitterest thing in the world after drinking a whole glass of sweetened milk.

That sour aftertaste of chocolate circulating in the mouth makes the tongue kinda squeeze together - holding on too tight. To the old past sweetness.

She is too used to the old sweetness, she just can't accept herself as being naked in the bitterness. She doesn’t want to change. What then? Self-forcing to indulge in the sweetness and come back up to the bitterness again and again. 

Self-torture indeed.

It’s stupid, so stupid. She knows. Yet, you think an alcoholic can just quit drinking right away?

She needs water. Loads of water. Drowning. A pause. Time.

She’s changed.

She’s got such a good heart. She really does. It’s just been broken. A lot.

.

- This piece was written more than 8 months ago. Something going in my life that inspired me. Hope you enjoy reading it, I love the metaphor here so much so I thought it would still be a good idea to share even though it’s not affecting me like before anymore:) xx

Blogged on 14th April 2018 at 23:48

[alisonlwy]

God is physically in you.

God is physically in you.

Hey I know this may sound crazy to some of you out there - but God is in you right now! Please give me a few minutes to explain it, with science, trust me.

So I was reading Genesis 7 in the Bible just now. Genesis 7 is basically about God sending flood to the earth to destroy all the ungodly people who had broken his heart into pieces, except Noah - the only righteous people on the earth - and his family along with every kind of animals on the dry land.

In verse 22, it says “Everything on dry land that had the breath of life in its nostrils died.” In Genesis 2:7, God created Adam like this in the Bible - “Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” One thing in common here is the ‘breath of life in the nostrils’ - which is given by our creator.

In other words, without the breath of life from God, we die.

In human lungs, there is a certain volume of air called residual air. No matter how hard one tries, he/she can never get rid of the residual air, unless he/she dies. The residual air prevents our lungs from collapsing and keeps lungs ventilated. Residual air is there, in each of our lungs, since we were born as a baby and had our first cry. How did that happen? How does the gas molecules not escaping the lungs regardless of the air pressure?

In other words, without the residual air, we die.

-

God breathed in each of us like he did for Adam. He loves and endures. No matter how hard anyone tries to pull himself/herself away from God, God never let go. Just like we can never get rid of the residual air in our lungs.

Now feel every breath that you’re inhaling and exhaling, it ‘met’ the residual air - the breath of life. It literally made me cry that my mouth and my lips are actually touching God’s breath. He is in me right now.

You are a living evidence of God, He is in you, both spiritually and physically.

Song - “Great Are You Lord”

Blogged on 14 April 2018 at 20:15

[alisonlwy]

Be kind.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting for a hard battle.” - Ian Maclaren.

Currently sitting at Starbucks, everyone here is on their own stuff. Some are chilling with a nice iced latte in the hot summer (ps it’s currently 30 degree celsius no kidding); some students are revising for exams, poor souls; some, hopefully maybe, are writing blogs like I do. 

Even though they are working on similar stuff, everyone shows differently, for what I mean is facial expression. Excited, relief, confused, or even frustrated. Maybe that’s because of what they have been thinking, some thoughts that are totally unrelated to their work.

I love taking pictures, as I believe that every picture has its own story that might be hardly seen. Likewise, every person has their own story. Much more complicated than that a picture can tell. Some stories are grateful whereas some can be melancholy. By looking at a picture, you can possibly guess the flow of story by delving into all the details bit by bit. However, by solely looking at a person, tbh even though how observant you are, it is still difficult to figure out his/her thoughts. 

Is she smiling? Yes. Is she happy? Don’t really know. Oh he looks cool, is he not easy-going? Maybe, or may not be. Gosh, he has such a bad attitude, ugh disgusting. Or probably something is bothering him this morning?

Sometimes adding a bit a sweetness to others’ bitterness by simply being tolerant and thoughtful does no harm. As each of them are fighting an unknown battle, including you and me.

Not everyone can tolerate a dark coffee, but with a bit of sugar and milk, more acceptance will there be. When Emma Stone sings, “A bit of madness is key.”, I say, “A bit of sweetness is key.”

So, be kind :)

- Blogged on 09June17 (18:27) -

[alisonlwy]

The “Therapy”

Let me first ask you a question, what will you do when you are tired of something? Something that has driven your mind, um maybe not insane but quite messy.

I am normally not a person that would escape from danger or hardship, I’d like to battle with it. It sometimes sounds fun. But not every one of them is fun. You may want to escape from it, as it has tortured you both physically (I count heart aching as a physical one even though some may said it’s resulted from negative emotions) and mentally.

When that hits, especially when eye-to-eye, I wanna escape as soon as possible, maybe dig a hole and stuck my head in there sorta like that. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t like to get nothing to do for a long time, be it recently or usually. I hate those nights that I could barely sleep thinking of that hit. 

When I was still a junior, I often heard people saying like, “make yourself busy, it’s one of the best short term therapies”. How could a mindless kid possibly understand this whatsoever therapy? I had no clue why people wanted to torture themselves with work. 

But after a few years of falling and standing up again, now then I understand...Yea, it is not torturing, but helping you to escape from the torture, therapeutic indeed. I get to forget all the hits temporarily. Letting work to drift your mind instead. Not a bad choice. But how long will it last? Certainly not forever. Although, apparently, I have to face it anyways sooner or later, I still opt for this “therapy”. Maybe I am stupid or cowardly in this case, but it’s just hard to retake it when those strings have been broken then sealed then broken again and again.

Yea, pretty hard.

- Blogged 06June17 16:50 -

[alisonlwy]

?

Some people are born to be a businessmen, some are models, and some are lawyers. Each of us are earning for a live everyday. If you are lucky, you maybe able to make your dream as a job. It sounds good huh? However, not many of us are this fortunate. 

As a senior, when it comes to jobs, I do not know much or can give much say on. But I am certain that one of the reasons why people love travelling this much is not that they love to explore cultures in the other side of the world. It’s all because that they get bored and suffocated from that dreadful job.

It’s about a month to go until the releasing date of my DSE result. Tbh, I can’t say I am not worried at all. Recently when considering to rearrange the priorities of uni choices, I struggled. Like, being alone in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Floating. Silently. No scream. Kinda between drowning and barely surviving.

Not sure is that because I am living in Hong Kong, a utilitarian city, it seems that what you study in uni pretty much equivalents to the rest of your life. Your job. Your family type. Even the fate of your passion. Huh, this seems a bit dumb. How can it possibly alter your passion which is something internal?

Tell you a little secret (it’s no longer a secret after you’ve read this tho), even though I am now a biochemmath person, I wanted to study art, which is no doubt what I am passionate in, before. I have been loving art, of which I can never be tired of, since day one. So sometimes I do wonder did I made a wrong choice to step on this biochemmath path. Hey, do you wonder where are you on the path somehow? What does the path look like? Sometimes I also wonder will I walk back to the art path again after all . What will be the fate of my passion? 

You may say it is so stupid to let any external factor to control myself. I know the Lord has tailor-made a plan fro me. Maybe I am not faithful enough, or I just wanna know more. However, the more I concern, the more clueless I get...

- Blogged 6June17 16:04 - 

[alisonlwy]

Shower

Scared. Human beings, animals, all kinds of lives have their fears. One huge fear of human kind is, loneliness. 

True, we all are scared to be lonely. Maybe that’s why people have to get a partner, get married, and build a family. Or maybe it’s simply a matter of habit, but not of a big a deal about fear. 

“Do we need somebody? Just don’t feel like we aren’t right. Is the reason you’re holding me tonight we scared to be lonely?” Maybe this explains to some extent? (Haha don’t get me wrong, I did not mess around. It’s just a lyrics. No biggie.)

Are we okay to be alone? Just go on our own paths? Are those getting together thingies just the result of losing minds? (Gosh, too many questions. Don’t mind me though.) Is that because we are too used to it, having a company? So this is what leads to loneliness…?

It’s raining outside. Drizzle, symbolises romance to many. Hurricane, catastrophe, or a relief maybe. How about shower? It may be a short one and a common one. Yet, it’s the worst. Hurts the most. It wets the ground, thoroughly. It can’t wash away all the craps like what a hurricane does, instead, it floods up all these craps, capturing them in all the water molecules. Stay. Accumulated. Submerge back to the inner ground again. Repeat and repeat.Probably, this is why we feel extra lonely and sick when the sky cries. 

Oh, poor grumpy souls.

The overwhelming craps, constantly drag us back into the swirl of loneliness. Repeat and repeat. Even though how unwilling we are, after all, still can't escape away from it. Maybe this is how it becomes our fear...

- Blogged 23May17 (17:21) -

[alisonlwy]

Q...

Quenched. No messages. No words. No smile. None.

All there left are a confused look and an absent mind. Wondering what has ever happened. Any mistakes? Wrong decisions? May not be any. Or Maybe. No one will ever know.

Sometimes I just wonder what if I made the alternative choice? What will happen? Still everything the same? Maybe another me in another spacetime were also having the same doubt. Sound weird, hard not to drive your little mind for an exploration though. 

Yet, there’s one thing that I am sure of: This is not the ending that I want. I wish none of these ever occur. Unfortunately, it’s not solely up to me. No surprise, no fun at all, if it’s being all fully channelled. 

Maybe this is how people become strangers again. Wonders. Regrets. Wrong choices. No control.

And, maybe this is how we quench.

- Blogged 22May17 (21:00) -

[alisonlwy]

My little fantasy corner🦄💓

- Blogged on 08Aug16 (18:48) -

[alisonlwy]

Suffocated

Human beings are weird I can say. That’s probably because of the emotions inside us. True, emotion is so weird, you’ll never know when it goes up or down. Sometimes lovely, sometimes aggressive, sometimes adorable, sometimes back to hella, out of control again.

How are you supposed to know what is in the others’ mind when you don't even know what is in yours? Some people don't like to express their inner feelings to all by simply telling. But through actions and implications. For me, especially I'm kinda dumb (i admit that, no thanks), I'm not very good at digging through minds and understanding the implications, or you may say I'm not dare to. I’m afraid of the truth to be told. 

What if it aint what I’ve imagined? I’m scared of it.

If it doesn't matter, it will definitely not bother me this much. But if it is, then... I don't wanna make any mistake, not even a single one. I hate blind guessing when it comes to important issues and important people. So after all of these, what do you mean?

- Blogged on 26Jun16 (16:28) -