Don't Call An Ambulance @alittlepotsy - Tumblr Blog

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In a few lines of dialogue in a neurologist's office in Beverly Hills, the improbable had become the probable, the norm: things which happened not only to other people could in fact happen to me. I could be struck by lightning, could dare to eat a peach and be poisoned by the cyanide in the stone. The startling fact was this: my body was offering a precise physiological equivalent to what had been going on in my mind.

Joan Didion, The White Album

#joan didion #quote #health #illness #chronic illness #the white album

squad goals #instalessjustices (at National Portrait Gallery)

#instalessjustices

jewist

alittlepotsy

picasso learning ballet

#picasso #ballet #Black and White #history #art

glitchfoxgames

Brainfog

A short game about the mental effects of chronic illness.

Play it here.

#brain fog #fibrofog #fibromyalgia #dysautonomia #POTS #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #chronic illness

when you’ve been out of the country and you turn on your phone and find five voicemails from

- cardiologist

- other cardiologist

- rheumatologist

- gastroenterologist

- and Walgreens

~ feeling #popular ~

#chronic illness #spoonie #dysautonomia #POTS #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #gastro

alfiusdebux

#diana vreeland #fashion history #vogue #black and white

justneedtocope-deactivated20151

What am I eating? Oh, just a plate of salt... with a pinch of potato.

#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #low blood pressure #chronic illness #dysautonomia

byunbaekku-deactivated20140611

alittlepotsy

just in case you haven’t seen a bunny eat some raspberries

#bunny #gif #raspberries #cute

giardinodipietra-deactivated201

#the sound of silence #music #graphic

still a little POTSy

It’s been a little less than a year since my last post and since that post I’ve thought about picking up this blog again. I wish I could come up with an explanation other than I just didn’t want to.

Back when I started this blog—I knew how to deal with POTS. And if I do say so myself, I was pretty darn good at it (mainly thanks to all of the incredible people who helped me every single day). I think I got used to the title Chronically Sick Girl Who Handles It Really Well and Still Kicks Ass. Okay, so no one officially gave me that title and maybe no one actually ever saw me like that, but I’m not going to lie…that’s how I saw myself. But then all of a sudden I have these new symptoms that I can’t figure out. These past couple of years have felt like a new story altogether. And I’m still stuck in the opening chapters where all of the problems are being introduced and the plot is a little slow.

Health-wise, this year has been frustrating. I feel as though I’m in the same place I was on July 19, 2014. I still have that cement block trying to go through a shredder that keeps getting blocked in my stomach. What adds to the frustration is that my dedication to my health has never been higher. I actually look forward to specialist appointments. I do everything the doctors say. Two years ago you couldn’t pay me to go to the Cleveland Clinic. And now I call my mom to schedule appointments up there. Despite all this effort, it seems like I am getting nowhere. And that feels like a bit of a failure. Posting that on a blog would be admitting—not only to people who read this but to me, as well—the worst thing I could think of: I’m trying, but it’s not working. A public admission of weakness. Ew.

And that’s why I haven’t posted…and now I want to go back and slap myself for being ridiculous. Here I am learning the same lessons over and over and over again.

It’s okay to ask for help and it’s okay not to get it right every time.

One of these days I’ll get it through my head.

So though not much physically has changed since my last post, my general attitude toward my health has taken a turn for the better. I’m doing more of that self-care thing people seem to be talking about all the time. I’m less stressed about school…and even more shocking…less stressed about not stressing!! I blame it on all the Joan Didion I’ve been reading and the Philosophy classes I’ve been taking—they’ve mellowed me out. I know I will eventually figure things out. I did it once and I can do it again. But in the meantime I’m letting myself be okay with the process. Don’t get me wrong…I still have my breakdowns and times when all I want to do is throw a porcelain coffee mug full-force against a wall and watch it shatter into a million pieces… just not as often. That being said, I’m still a little POTSy—not as much syncope!—with some extra shiz on the side. I’m a fan of this tumblr community and I’m happy to be back (mainly so I can post more about Hillary Clinton, Meryl Streep, RBG, and Madeleine Albright). Let’s get real. That’s the main reason I revived this blog.

#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #dysautonomia #chronic illness #gastroparesis #POTS

"it is as though I have a cement block trying to go through a shredder that keeps getting jammed"

^direct quote from my latest email to my gastroenterologist

So dysautonomia is definitely cramping my Parisian style now. Nausea, bloating, stomach pain, no appetite...the whole shebang. I've had a hard time moving around and haven't eaten a whole lot, which has resulted in lazy, sick days. Those should not be legal in Paris! But, of course, my body does not recognize geographical cues and continues to wreak havoc. My doc decided to up my Reglan dose, which put my body in a state of shock and panic. So that didn't last long. And since these symptoms are relatively new, I don't know what to do or what to expect.

But what pains me the most (more than the actual pain itself) is that I am considering heading home early and cut my trip short. That kills me.

#gastric emptying #gastroparesis #dysautonomia #chronic illness #spoonie #POTS #Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome