i am destroying myself so other people can’t
&& it’s the worst kind of control
——— but it’s the only form i know
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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@allicpressmxn
i am destroying myself so other people can’t
&& it’s the worst kind of control
——— but it’s the only form i know
Sometimes I wonder if there’s another version of this world where we’re friends.
@imbuedvices
Blaise Pascal, Pensées
You ever see that movie The Poseidon Adventure? It’s about a cruise ship and it capsizes, and the captain, he comes into this big, upside-down ballroom, he tells everybody to stay where they are, that they’re gonna be rescued. And six of them, they decide to climb up, to the bottom of the ship. And some of them live, and no one else does. And ever since I watched it, I always wondered… what would I do? Would I stay put? Would I climb up? You know, like, who am I in this story? Am I the one who has to… you know, die so that everyone else lives? Am I the one who turns out weaker than expected? Am I the one who’s only doing the best when the going is good? I know I’m not the heroine. ‘Cause that’s my sister. So… who?
“We’re told that men are strong and brave, but I think women know how to endure, accept defeat, and bear physical and mental agony much better than men.”
— Lisa See, Shanghai Girls
She’s imperfect… but she tries She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself She is B R O K E N and won’t A S K for help
She is messy… but she’s k i n d She is l o n e l y…. …. most of the time
She is all of this m ix e d up and baked in a BEAUTIFUL pie She is gone, but… she used to be m i n e
You can’t be an asshole to my sister and then nice to me. It doesn’t work that way. Tell her I said that she can come, too. You say too many things you don’t mean.
@allicpressmxn
imbuedvices:
pressman, get us the hell out of here!! whatever the hell this place was, had yet to be figured out. he noticed some people acting like this place was normal; attending school, going to work. but, it wasn’t. this wasn’t his home, but he couldn’t figure out how to get out of this shit hole. ‘ about two months ago? ’ he sighed. had it really been that long? he’d only been in new ham until after the rager, not even one full day, but he’d been here for two months; how the fuck did that make any sense? ‘ and, before you ask, i haven’t figured shit out, ’ he nearly huffed. albeit, he didn’t exactly spend a lot of time looking into this place or anything —- playing detective was not his forté, though he tried. but, he didn’t want to hear it from allie. ‘ when’d you get here? ’
she finally put her pen down, glancing to him with her full attention. fingers intertwined with the strings hanging from her hoodie. this place was strange; weird. but no weirder than back home–– they had all just lost their parents; Cassandra and now? here she was; filled with the same emptiness. the same anger but it had boiled down to being alone once more. she was stunned that he had been here two months–– she’d been here for about a month now... and they hadn’t ran into each other? surprised at his outburst. “I thought you were always the man in control,” she quipped, quirking a brow. in all sadness, she exhaled rather loudly. “about a month. I got here right after cass died,” she told him, her hues felt glassy at the thought. she hadn’t really given herself the chance to grieve the loss of her sister yet, there seemed to always be so much happening.
imbuedvices:
bright brown hues shined hazel for a brief moment as his gaze landed on the much too familiar blonde. allie pressman, he’d know her anywhere. despite his dislike for cassandra, he never had anything against allie; they just seemed like a package deal, so harry kept his distance. ‘ pressman, ’ he called out, shuffling in his seat slightly to face her better. it didn’t seem like she’d noticed it was him yet. either that or she just didn’t care. ‘ allie pressman? i knew that was you, ’ he stated, pushing himself off of the stool he was on, before making a few steps towards her. ‘ yeah, that’s putting it lightly. ’
She chewed on the tip of her pen, tapping it against her pearly whites as she mulled over her thoughts, her azure hues settling on him in shock. she didn’t know what to do–– she was somewhat relieved but surprised that someone else she knew was here. allie sucked on the inside of her cheek, he didn’t like cass... she was aware. he wasn’t the only one. but at the moment, she felt a glimmer of happiness in her gut. “Bingham,” she whispered, shifting in her seat for a moment. “I can’t believe that someone else is here,” she added quietly, tucking her curled lock behind her ear, hues lingering on his features–– harry was here. it wasn’t cassandra but it was someone and she couldn’t complain. “when did you get here?” she asked quietly.
charredslate:
today it’s a spot at the counter, which has made him far more strategic about what papers he arranges on the counter. necessity is the mother of invention, or so they say, and thus he’s pared his usual spread of work down to something more manageable. five pauses halfway through an equation, finishing the graceful arc of a y and glancing over at her. he’s traveled more than she can probably conceive of. multiple axes, distance and time. “i used to find it more difficult,” he says idly. as if he doesn’t look like he’s in his early twenties. “i find that, over time, it gets easier. or you find things to ground yourself along the way.”
she chewed on the pen that sat in the corner of her mouth, letting her thought mull over her for a moment, she had completely tuned out any work she had intended of doing. Her azure hues flickered to his work, spanning over the countertop. Piles of sheets decorated with numbers and notions that even she probably couldn’t understand. Her has piqued her interest, a brow quirked. “Hmm,” she mused, not saying anything for a moment. “I think I need to learn that people and...things––all this... it’s all just temporary.”
perfectpoisons:
pride is taken aback, at first, by the stranger seemingly trying to speak to him. he’s only in the diner because it had seemed a good place to get to know more about the town he’s gotten stuck in. there’s no food on the counter in front of him, only a small glass of water. “i haven’t yet,” he replies. “but i’m certain i will soon.” there’s the slightest bit of a smile on his face. “where are you from?”
she chewed on the corner of her lip. Tapping the tip of her pen on the book that laid open in front of her. “It’s definitely something to get used to...being around new people and not knowing anyone. I’m from New Hampshire, what about you?” She paused for a moment. “I didn’t even introduce myself. Sorry, I’m Allie.”
shcpcrsistcd:
Morgan glanced up from her laptop at the question, shrugging her shoulders idly as she sat back, letting her hands fall from the paper she’d been working on for her summer school class. “everyone’s different,” she said, bringing her coffee to her lips and taking a sip before going on. “This isn’t the first time I’ve had to adapt to a new place and I’ve been here… going on four years now I believe. It got easier overtime I guess.” She tilted her head to the side as she examined the other girl for a moment. “I’m assuming you just got here recently?”
She sipped her iced coffee, letting the metal straw sit between her lips for a moment, listening to the girl talk. “it’s not mine either–– it’s all just a lot, y’know?” first her parents, then her sister, the drama that ensured and now... now she’s here. But without any friends or a familiar face, she sighed softly, sipping her drink once more. “You’ve been here for four years... wow,” allie whispered in surprise, this place must have begun to feel like home for her. “About a month ago but it’s just a whirlwind.”
Her fingers flipped through the pages of her book, sipping her tea slowly as she let the heat plume in her features. She was still wrapping her mind around being here, all this–– living in a new place with no one she knew. Again. Glancing up out the window for a moment, before shifting the gaze to the person at the sat at the counter, “do you ever get used to being in a new place?” she asked, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, as she glanced around to all the strange faces, that she hadn’t seen before. “I still find that place as insane as back home,” she added.
☆ allie pressman aesthetic ☆
[ KATHRYN NEWTON + FEMALE ] • ALLIE PRESSMAN FROM THE SOCIETY HAS JUST BEEN ENROLLED. I BELIEVE THE EIGHTEEN-YEAR-OLD IS STAYING IN 11P AND STUDYING CRIMINAL JUSTICE. ALLIE EVEN GOT AN INTERVIEW TO BE A WAITRESS AT BOOKS OR BEANS. GOOD FOR THEM! ( MAC, GMT+11, SHE/HER )
our mom Cassandra ❤️