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Love Begins
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AnasAbdin
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@theartofmadeline
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@allielleaf
I'm terrified of loving like my mother does. The way she forgets herself in the process, yet ends up decaying those around her because of her venom.
I don't want to carry this curse.
To attempt to put it in a bucket,
Only for my daughter to pick up its droplets.
I don't want to settle for empty vases I'll never see bloom,
Promised words that'll never be more than hollow—
For that's all I've witnessed from my father,
And watching you has taught me that what our hearts crave doesn't really matter.
It dawned on me that night—
I no longer want to be like my mom.
The strength I've always admired now seems heavy enough to be considered a burden,
Realizing that all she's endured is nothing more than everything she's tolerated.
"I am Nadine… an ordinary woman in an extraordinary place. A mother, just trying to protect a small life in a world that has lost its meaning." 🌸
Hello, My name is Nadine. I am a Palestinian mother to a little girl who has become the center of my life and the reason for my strength. 💖 We live today in harsh circumstances, unlike anything we knew life to be. Our home is no longer a home… we live in displacement, fear, lack of food, absence of medicine, and a lack of safety. 😔
Yet every morning, I open my eyes to my daughter's face, and I try again. 🌞 Because she is here, I must stay strong. 💪 Because she is small, I need to create a safe world for her… even though my world is broken.
We don't have much, but we hold on to each other. 🤝
I write these words to share a moment of our reality that you may not see in the news. I’m not seeking pity, nor do I want to burden anyone… All I ask is that my words reach a heart that knows compassion, and understands that help, even in the smallest form, can make a big difference in someone's life like ours. ✨
Life here doesn’t go as it should… but it goes on. We live on hope, the kindness of strangers, words of encouragement, and hands that reach out at the right time. 🌟 Maybe you can’t change everything, but you can change one day in our lives… And one day with dignity is all we need to keep fighting. 💫
My name is Nadin I’m a mother, a wife, and just one of many women in Gaza who are trying to hold on — to hope, to our families, to any piece
Even a kind word, sharing this post, or a sincere prayer… all of that makes a difference to us. 🙏
Thank you… from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for being here, for reading, for not turning a blind eye. To everyone who passed by here and left a kind mark: You are part of our strength. 🌷 From me and my little one: All my gratitude and all my prayers. 💖
⋆·˚ ༘ * JASPER HALE HEADCANONS 𐚁̸.ᐟ
pre-relationship / discovery of the bond
jasper knew the second you walked into the room.
not just “noticed”—felt you. like gravity shifted, and suddenly his entire existence narrowed down to you.
the first time your scent hits him, it nearly knocks the breath from his lungs. not because it tempts him—no, it calms him.
at first, he was terrified of it. not because he didn’t want it, but because he didn’t think he deserved it.
“i’ve done things i don’t want her to even imagine,” he tells alice one night, eyes dark with guilt. “how can i be the one meant for her?”
he keeps his distance at first, almost painfully so. you’ll notice him staring but always retreating when you look his way.
he’s constantly using his empathy to gauge your feelings, fascinated by your emotional landscape. you feel bright to him. alive.
he accidentally mirrors your emotions often, because yours are stronger than anything he’s ever felt before. your joy makes him smile without realizing it.
alice helps him understand it—encourages him, gently. “you don’t get to keep punishing yourself forever, jazz. maybe this is the beginning of something better.”
he keeps finding excuses to be near you. quiet glances from across the room. walking slower so he ends up next to you. little things.
and the first time you touch him? just a casual brush of your hand when you pass him something? he feels peace. real, complete peace.
getting together
he’s old-fashioned, so expect subtle southern gentleman behavior—opening doors, standing when you walk into a room, offering his arm.
jasper is incredibly careful with you at first.
he doesn’t touch you unless you initiate it, terrified of overstepping or triggering a memory you haven’t shared.
every date is deliberate. thoughtful.
a hand-picked book he thinks you’ll like. a midnight walk under the stars. a letter slipped into your bag with a dried flower.
he’s a subtle romantic. not loud or flashy—but deeply poetic. he sees your soul, and treats it like something sacred.
he insists on asking for your permission every step of the way—even when he knows you’ll say yes. he likes hearing your consent. it grounds him.
he’s incredibly attentive. you won’t even need to say what you’re feeling—he just knows and acts accordingly.
overstimulated at a party? he’s already gently guiding you to a quieter spot. feeling insecure? he’s whispering how proud he is to be yours.
protective jasper
extremely protective. not overbearing, but there’s a very specific tone in his voice when someone upsets you—and everyone learns quickly not to test him.
if someone flirts with you in front of him? you don’t even have to react. jasper’s stare alone is enough to make them regret breathing.
he doesn’t lose control, but it’s chilling how calm he is when warning someone off. his southern charm vanishes, replaced by cold steel.
“you okay, sugar?” he’ll ask, even though he knows you’re angry or upset—he always gives you the space to name your emotions.
his body reacts before his brain when he senses you’re in danger. one second you’re just talking to someone; the next, jasper’s in front of you, eyes dark.
you’re the only one who can calm him down afterward. a touch. a word. one look from you and his shoulders drop.
he won’t fight unless he has to. but he will place himself between you and danger without hesitation.
and afterward, even if he didn’t get a scratch, he’ll come back to you and ask, “did i scare you? are you alright, sweetheart?”—his only concern is you.
even when there’s no physical danger, he’s protective of your emotions. if someone makes you feel small or disrespected, he’s the first to validate you.
he’s especially protective when you’re sick, injured, or emotionally overwhelmed.
when you’re sick, he’s gentle to the point of obsession. he reads every label, follows every instruction, makes sure you’re hydrated, warm, and resting.
“you just rest, honey. i’ve got everything else covered.”
carries you to bed. reads to you in that soft, slow drawl. kisses your forehead like it’s holy.
little moments
he hums old civil war-era lullabies under his breath without realizing it when he’s relaxed around you. it’s soft and hauntingly beautiful.
he calls you “darlin’,” “sweetheart,” and occasionally “sugar.” but when he’s really soft or overwhelmed? he just whispers your name like it’s a prayer.
he traces your face with his fingers when you’re asleep, memorizing it over and over like he still can’t believe you’re real.
whenever you laugh, his entire expression changes. the stoic, brooding mask slips and he looks young again. alive.
jasper thrives in stillness with you. he’s lived through chaos, through war, through fire and pain. quiet domestic life is heaven to him.
loves slow dancing in the living room with you, especially when it’s quiet. no music—just the sound of your heartbeat and the feel of you in his arms.
has an old journal where he writes about you. bits of poetry, little memories, sketches of your smile. you don’t know about it. yet.
he brings you trinkets from his travels—old coins, pressed flowers, strange books—like a crow in love.
loves the feeling of your heartbeat against his chest when you fall asleep on him. it’s the only sound that ever silences the ghosts in his head.
if you cry, he hurts. it’s not just emotional—it’s physical. he feels the ache in his chest and wants nothing more than to take it from you.
“let me carry it, sweetheart. please. you don’t have to do this alone.”
when he feeds, he always tries to finish quickly so he can return to you. being away from you too long makes him tense, restless. he needs you to stay grounded.
his love language
i. physical touch
touch is his primary love language—because after years of cold detachment, being able to feel love physically again is everything.
he always has a hand on you: resting on your lower back, fingers laced with yours, thumb brushing your knuckles.
in bed, even if you’re not cuddling, some part of him is always touching you—ankle to ankle, hand to your waist, his chest against your back.
ii. acts of service
jasper does little things to make your life easier—always quietly.
he’ll fix something without you asking, make your tea just right, or track down a book you mentioned once.
never asks for credit, either. he just wants to take care of you in the ways you won’t even notice until later.
the first time you thanked him for something small—like charging your dead phone—he gave you this soft smile and said, “you don’t have to thank me. loving you is the easy part.”
iii. words of affirmation
jasper’s not the most vocal at first, but when he does speak, it means everything.
he’ll tell you you’re brave, kind, strong, and the light of his eternity—but always in that quiet, emotionally-heavy drawl.
“you have no idea what you mean to me, darlin’. none.”
his kisses
jasper’s kisses are intentional. always. whether it’s soft and slow or heated and desperate, he never rushes—he savors.
he kisses you like he’s memorizing the shape of your soul, not just your lips.
his favorite spot to kiss you (besides your lips) is your forehead. it’s protective, tender, and makes you feel cherished.
when he’s overwhelmed by how much he loves you, he kisses your hands—your knuckles, your palms, your fingertips—like you’re something fragile and sacred.
he also kisses the inside of your wrist, where he can feel your pulse. it calms him.
after a nightmare or a bad day, he kisses your temple with a whispered, “i’ve got you now, darlin’. you’re safe.”
when he kisses you in private, it’s slow and deep—like he’s trying to convey everything he can’t say.
when he kisses you after being away? he cups your face in both hands like he needs to ground himself. his voice goes low and reverent:
“missed you like hell, sugar.”
the first “i love you”
jasper doesn’t say it quickly. not because he doesn’t feel it—he feels it constantly—but because he knows what those words mean, and he doesn’t take them lightly.
you feel it in everything he does long before he says it: the way he looks at you like you hung the stars, the way he memorizes your favorite songs, how he tracks your moods without a word.
the first time he almost says it, it slips out mid-sentence: “i just—god, i love—” and he cuts himself off, lips pressed together. you pretend not to notice to spare him.
the actual first time is quiet.
maybe you’re sitting on the porch, wrapped in a blanket, and you say something that makes him laugh—something small, but genuine.
he leans in, voice soft and raw:
“i love you. and i know what that means, sugar. i don’t say it ‘cause it’s easy—i say it ‘cause it’s true.”
he watches you like he’s bracing for impact. and when you say it back? his entire body relaxes, like he’s finally home.
angst potential
the idea of accidentally hurting you terrifies him.
he disappears sometimes—not to run from you, but to protect you from his darker moods. when he feels himself slipping into old war-born rage, he retreats.
some nights, he distances himself just to be sure you’re safe, and it hurts both of you.
“i love you more than you’ll ever know,” he’ll whisper against your hair when you sleep. “but i still don’t know if i deserve someone like you.”
there was a moment—early on—when he snapped during a hunt, overwhelmed by thirst, and afterward he wouldn’t let you near him for days.
“i saw myself in the mirror,” he whispered, hollow. “and i thought: ‘she can’t love a thing like that.’
you had to pull him back to you. remind him he’s more than a soldier. more than a scarred past. that you choose him, always.
you’re the one who helps him forgive himself.
and eventually, he lets you in fully. lets you see every scar. because loving you makes him want to be better. not just for you—with you.
his greatest fear is losing you—because he believes the universe gave him one final chance at peace. and if you’re gone…
“i won’t survive it, sugar. you leave, and that’s the end of me.”
Jasper girlie since day one
As I'm once again engulfed in my own thoughts, I remind myself that
Helping others carry their weight while I choose to struggle alone with carrying mine isn't strength.
Like a constant chorus, acting on my emotions leads to the gnawing of my own guilt.
"poor thing" my mother coos. I'm not sure whether she was referring to her eldest—me—or the infant—her youngest—I cradled in my arms, having just calmed her down from another one of her nightmares.
I felt the need to be angry at something. Perhaps my mother—I've told her many times before how I felt about another child, knowing I'd end up being the one to take care of it once it no longer required the constant gracing of its mother. But I hold myself back—my empathy reminding my anger that she was dealing with the consequences of my father's actions. She was doing everything she could for this family.
I stared down at the tear-stained face of my baby sister, her frame content in my arms. Despite the harshness of how I slammed my door, I couldn't be angry with her—she's nothing but a child that trusts me after all. Her wails pleaded my name, seeking comfort from the mother-figure that replaced her mom when the latter implored her desire to run away for a day or two. I wished I had the opportunity to do so as well.
Moving on—
With no one else to blame, guilt engulfed me the second my mom took the sleeping form against my chest—rocking her in a tired manner, not at all helping my drowsy-driven attitude from earlier.
And so I blamed my emotions, for it caused the guilt after the actions I acted on in the heat of the moment. I blamed myself. Either for being insensitive or too understanding—who knows? Who cares?—no one will ever know these thoughts. No one that matters, anyway. Because as I feel alone in a house of six people, I realize I have no one to turn to. No one to talk about the depths of my contemplation—it's subjective solely for the traits of my being—not even my closest circles would understand.
I dealt with it the same way I've been dealing with most of my problems—I cried. The heavy liquid flowed out without effort, reminding me just minutes ago when my sister woke up from her sleep—the only difference being, I welt silently and had no one to run to for comfort.
My father's face, my mother's tear-stained eyes.
Margaret Atwood, “The Blind Assassin.”
repost
What is love and why do I find it so hard to decipher? It's no code or riddle, Yet somehow that doesn't make me feel any better. Maybe if it was, I'd find things easier to understand. They'd have meaning and reason, A punchline at the end. But love is unpredictable. Love is unsure, For me love is undecipherable. — I've yet to see it entirely pure.
I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.
Quote by Jimmy Dean
— Practice Makes Perfect by Sarah Adams.
I 100% recommend this perfect book
Scary.
It's cruel, isn't it? How accurate this could've been. It sounds just like you — the style of typing, the nickname, the message, and that damn color you assigned me.
Then reality hits. I suddenly remember that you couldn't be this thoughtful, this purposeful. Because you're painfully not. As much as I want to believe that you can, you've just never proved it. You have the ideas — the plans, but for some reason.. you never act on them. Was there a reason? Or did you simply just not feel like it? After declaring your love over and over for years, did you grow tired? That when you finally had me, you just didn't have the energy to be sure you kept me? Was that all it took? To have me?
Never has the color yellow made me feel this dull and in pain.
🥀
If my life were a novel,
You'd be the talk of every chapter.
If it were the ocean,
You'd be the current that moves the water.
I've never believed in love this early,
But with you it might just be true.
I see the way you look at me so dearly,
I can feel a spark of something new.
She stands on the stage