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Lovesick [6/25/25]

I have a sickness

only curable

by the warm embrace

of your touch

I have an illness

only medicated

by the scent

of your freshly washed clothes

I have a stomachache

only relieved

by the softness

of your tender lips

I'm lovesick.

It's Getting Bad [6/2/25]

you know it's getting bad

when you fall asleep with the light on

when you don't even have

your own shoulder to cry on

you know it's getting bad

when for three days straight

you've asked him to call

and then stayed up to wait

you know it's getting bad

when there's that twist in your gut

when your heart freezes cold

and all the doors seem shut

you know it's getting bad

when you grind your jaw at night

when you hold the hot tears back

when you don't put up a fight

you know it's getting bad

when it hurts so much to eat

when you think everyone's mad

when your smile's not as sweet

you know it's getting bad

when you can't bring yourself to talk

you know, it's getting worse

when it hurts your joints to walk

you know it's getting bad

when it doesn't feel like home

you know it's getting bad

when you only feel alone

You're Safe Now, I Promise [5/15/25]

You're safe now, I promise,

with your head tucked in your wing

You're safe now, I promise

All the heaven's will hear you sing

You're safe now, I promise

your pure heart can see the world

You're safe now, I promise

with wings unfettered and unfurled

You're safe now, I promise

won't you stay a little longer?

You're safe now, I promise

each day you get a little stronger...

Everyone's Self-Destructive [5/15/25]

Everyone's self-destructive,

you just get to pick your vice

whether it's drugs or sex or fights

or the sweet sharp tip of a knife

Everyone's self-destructive

or so and so they say

yeah I'm tryna quit

but life keeps gettin the the way

Worship [1/22/25]

some people worship science

the way others worship god

some others worship substance

others worship the slightly odd

some couples worship each other

but sometimes, it's one-sided, too

sometimes all one gives is devotion

and they still end up black and blue

i'd like to worship the stars

i'd like to worship the sky

i'd like to worship the ground

as i watch all my years go by

some say a name in prayer

others say the name in curse

and me, i use both

together, in the exact same verse

i can't promise a light and dark

but i can promise a gray

i can't promise a tomorrow

but i can promise a today

the world is big, empty, and new

there's much to worship here

let the skies be your roof,

let the waters be your mirror

let me worship you

and i'll let you worship me

we're connected and we worship that too

as a vow taken on both knees

Loss [12/16/24]

What is life

if not loss...

and loss...

and loss?

the loss of your youth

leads to the loss of your innocence

to the loss of yourself

to the loss of your life

how can i keep living

when i know, one day,

everyone i know

will be lost?

lost to me

or lost to the stars forever

or lost to themselves

even when they're looking everywhere to be found

they say you lose yourself

to find yourself

but what happens when you get lost

in something you were just trying to find

you try to find peace

and now you're stuck in constant war

you go and find company

now death's knocking on your door

i'm not ready to lose her

she's not ready to die

he wants to lose himself

and i don't want to see him try

Voicemail [10/10/24-12/7/24]

the closest thing to preserving a memory in time

frozen, stuck, like a bug in amber

or a dinosaur

unsuspecting, in a tar pit

a little bite of love

or a little message of happiness

a flash, a screenshot of life

filed away in the library of a phone

he said voicemails are sad

and he's right

looking back on love

is always a little bittersweet

but voicemails remind me

that at some point, at some time,

somewhere in this world.

someone loved me

the stars are out tonight

but i'm afraid they'll go away soon

i'm afraid everything will go away

but i still can't make myself savor it

imagine we could send voicemails to the stars

i hope they know we love them

i hope he knows

i love him

i get sad when he doesn't answer the phone

but i still leave him voicemails

i wonder if he listens to them

or if they just sit there, unheard

i love him in the way

you listen to a voicemail

sometimes smiling, or laughing

sometimes with tears covering your face and hands

one day, we'll all be unreachable

but i hope i can still send a voicemail

to your phone

maybe you'll hear it

How To Take A Bathroom Break At School [3/14/25]

Walk up to the sink and stare at the mirror

Stare at yourself until you don't feel real

Look into your eyes until the room is surreal

Wash your hands (hot) until all your wounds heal

Take a step backward, away from the sink

Question yourself whether you've had time enough to think

Shake out your hair and reset with a blink

Wonder if brown really matches with pink

Step out the door, make your way down the hall

And as you walk, run your right hand along the wall

Consider how much longer you can continue to stall

Return to class at some point, and try to stand tall.

You Had Dreams [2/24/25]

when you're young, you lose your innocence

when you're old, you lose your worth

slit her throat, or slit your wrists,

all that matters is your birth

from shining east to dark, dim west

one day could be a life

she's young, and happy, with potential, too

yet still doomed to be someone's wife

you could write a letter, or fix a note

it doesn't matter in the end

all that matters is what's left behind

you know, you used to be someone's friend

all that you wanted, all that shit's gone

and they blame it all on you

it doesn't matter what anyone dreams of

because you had dreams once, too

Holding Hands [12/1/24]

The Beatles were right, you know?

About holding hands

It's something so magic

It's something so grand

It's almost as if,

with your hand in mine,

our heartbeats are connected,

a mutual lifeline

Remember that first day?

Walking home in the rain?

I slipped my hand into yours

Our relationship forever changed

I love holding your hand

I love standing near you

I love when you kiss me out of nowehere

I love being stuck to your side like glue

I love writing you poems,

and letters, and songs,

and as long as you love me,

love could never be wrong

Revenge Plot (alternate ending) [11/1/24]

"he did this to her!

That psycho! That fuck!

I'll blow his brains out-

-like a goddam sitting duck!"

sister knows best-

grabs her gun from the drawer

he doesn't know it yet

but sister means war

into the dark night

our vigilante ventures

she's got her trap set

and he's in the center

two gunshots, then it's over

the revenge work is done

she holds her smoking weapon

thinking, "Damn, that was fun!"

Twelve Meters [11/1/24]

twelve meters past

the old corp limit sign

where the jays chirp overhead

where the crows go to die

her body rests, peaceful

but face down in the dirt

missing posters around the city

"find her before she gets hurt"

only two know what went down

her- and that man

the one that she trusted

to give her a hand

in her last moments

did she see the stars?

or only the face

of the man from the bar?

did she scream at all for mercy?

or beg for her mom?

was her last word coherent?

or merely a sob?

Stood Up [10/24/24]

She waited too long

Now her coffee is cold

She's angry, once again

for believing what she's been told

She said she could wait

just a few moments longer

Who told her this pain

would make her any stronger?

She takes a sip of her drink

A tear falls down her face

She scolds herself for crying

in such a public place

Hours later, a text

"So sorry, My bad"

She sighs into her hand,

and lies, "It's ok; I'm not mad"

breathe you in like oxygen [9/9/24]

hands above my head

I won't move until you let me

I won't breathe

unless you tell me to

I want to create a language

that only he can speak

so only I can listen

and, god, I need to listen

to please, to praise

to act, to know

to give, to take

to bruise, to bruise

I'd wear your hand

around my throat

I'd wear your name

around my wrist

leave to me no doubt

I belong to you alone

do what you want

or don't

I don't care

(I do)

but hell,

if I don't have to make my own decisions

when you could...

make them for me

and I'll listen

yeah, I'll listen

head falls

hair sprawls

each stand is falling

up, up, up

twisting, spinning

oh, god, I'm yours

I close my eyes

going down, down, down

pull me back up

I take a deep breath

like I'm breaking the surface

after almost drowning

grab me by the hair

pull me back down

and I'll scream

'cause I'm drowning in the best way possible

mine, mine, mine

your words slosh around in my head

so good, you're all mine

nothing could bring me down from this high

my breath smelt like coffee

and now it smells like you

you press your lips to mine

bringing me closer and closer to heavan

stay still. don't move.

that's perfect. just like that.

there you go. you got it.

slow. steady. good.

around you, I go crazy

without you, I have no purpose

will you stay with me?

for now, and for good?

hold me after

make sure I'm loved

because my whole heart

belongs to you.

#poems about sex

Call Me Crazy [11/17/24]

With one last slash of the knife,

blood spatters on his glasses

and the exhilaration of the moment

slowly, slowly, slowly, passes

He pauses, then breathes

He laughs and shakes it off

He admires his fine work,

finally letting out a scoff

She’s not his first

and certainly not his last

He has a gruesome future,

but he also has a past…

Her body later found

dumped on the side of the street

betrayed by the man

that she agreed to meet

Her face on the news

She’s immortalized forever

Somehow still alive

because of one man’s sick endeavor

At night, he searches

through the cities and towns,

searching for the next girl

that he’ll brutally bring down

⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒

But I’m not scared of him

I still go out at night

to my little corner of the woods

off the path, and to the right

Call me crazy, but I’d be glad

if he showed up at my place

I want to see him work

I want to see his face

Call me crazy, but I’d be safe

I don’t think I’d die

I don’t think he’d kill me

I don’t think he’d even try

The forest whispers to me

even when I’m far away

It tells me all the things

that it’s forever yearned to say

It tells me who’s been there

and it tells me who’s been near

It begs for me to stay

says it hates when I'm not here

I’ve found myself there more often

especially in the last week or so

Actually, I can’t remember

where else I’m s'posed to go

The whispers get louder

I’m scared they’ll turn to screams

Is this really happening,

or is it only in my dreams?

Call me crazy, but I think

this is actually not so bad

I actually think I enjoy it

even though it’s dark and sad

When I’m not there, I’m empty

not real, a shell of my own

My city, it no longer feels

like something I call home

My blood and lungs, they calcify

My skin is sickly pale

I limp along this covered path

that used to be a trail

Though much has changed, much has not

and with him I’m still obsessed

I want to find him, bring him here

to lie with me in rest

The forest, it agrees with me

and it tells me to relax

It tells me it’ll call out to him

and that he will come back

I ask it what it means

It says, “You’re not the first”

“He’s been right here, where you are now

with a hunger, a need, and a thirst”

I breathe a little deeper now

I’m filled with a comforting warmth

He’s been here before, and will again soon

and I’ll be his true north

⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒

He had been there, that very spot

although it had been years

He remembers how the woods took him in

and relinquished all his fears

He remembers how it felt,

remembers how his thinking changed

from a young and naïve child

to a man who should be hanged

He hears the forest’s call now

knows that he must return

He knows that someone is waiting for him

He can feel her desperate yearn

He drags a hand through his curly hair

His glasses, a patterned round tortoiseshell

This girl could be his heaven

and he would gladly be her hell

He starts his trek back home

to the place where he was made

the place where he became himself

where he masterfully honed his trade

⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒

I twitch and pace with urgency

He’ll be here very soon

and finally, he’ll see my face

underneath the blood-red moon

⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒

He makes his way to her

on the path he knows like no other

The broken, glowing cobblestone

illuminating the way to his lover

He touches every tree he passes

He wanders, full of nerves

He knows she’s only steps away

His heart will soon be hers

He turns, and finds a clearing

In the center, a smooth, flat rock

and on that stone, sits the girl

His eyes meet hers, both full of shock

He takes a slow step forward

as he reaches out his hand

She moves into his arms

and together they crash land

He presses his forehead against hers

as the wind gently rustles through her dress

Sadistic, immoral soulmates,

his brunette curl, her white-blonde tress

Hand in hand, arm in arm

Together they leave the trees

Making their way out of the woods

and toward their next victim’s futile pleas

⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒

Scars Itch [9/19/24]

they'll tell you that you're wrong

or they'll tell you that you're right

but what they don't tell you

is that scars itch

they tell you that they'll stay

or they'll tell you that they'll go

but what they won't tell you

is that scars itch

they'll tell you that you're fine

or they'll tell you that you're not

but what they can't tell you

is that scars itch

May [9/9/24]

may flowers grow from your ribs

and may moss cover your limbs

i ask that you'll return

to the earth that brought you in

may the deer graze near your bones

may your legacy remain intact

may you forever go forward

and may you fondly look back

may your skull wear a crown of roses

and may your body be adorned

may your memory be golden

and may it never once be scorned

may your death be peaceful

and ready, and true

and may they now feel the love

that they all had for you

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literally all my poems