"people do bad things when they are trying to survive." VAN FOR SILLA
tragic aesthetic. / accepting. / @fevergrow
he curls his hands against his chest like he’s afraid to touch her with them.
her hands aren’t clean either ( none of theirs are, not anymore — falco’s made it impossible for any of them to stay innocent ) but she doesn’t think he sees it the same way. those same forever bloodstained fingers card through his hair, her touch gentle and kind and soft and everything she knows he doesn’t think he deserves. silla’s heart aches for the boy resting in her lap, his expression tight in a pain she knows runs deeper than the scars that rest atop his skin.
there is so much she still doesn’t know about him. it feels like every part she learns has to be chipped off of him, painfully carved out of the walls surrounding his heart, and while she tries to fill the gap with as much of herself as she can manage, he still bleeds. the best she can do is try to bandage up the wound. she ghosts her fingers across the curve of his cheek, her thumb brushing against his cheekbone. on a normal day, that would steal a smile from his lips, maybe even bring a sweet warm flush to his cheek under the pads of her fingers. but the vacant expression on his face only barely shifts, and she feels the gaping chasm in her own chest grow wider. she can’t fix him — she knows she can’t, and she wouldn’t want to — but she wishes there was an easier way to ease his pain.
at least he’s letting her touch him. she supposes that’s a win on it’s own, when she remembers how he’d flinched away from her when he’d first choked the words out, eyes wild and body tense like a spooked animal. though it’s hard for her to consider the trembling boy in her lap an improvement from that.
❛ that doesn’t make them bad people. ❜ she finally says, voice barely above a murmur. silla twists a green lock around her finger, gazing down at van with a hesitation she’s glad he can’t see ( a hesitation only about pulling him closer like her body aches to, worried that it would be too much, but she knows he wouldn’t interpret it that way ). she dares to tilt her head down, pressing her lips gently against his temple. with her mouth still pressed against his head, she speaks again. despite what he believes, he deserves this comfort, and she’s forever willing to give it to him. ❛ they would’ve killed you, love. you had no choice. ❜












