LAST ACADEMIC YEAR: I’M CONFUSED
I’ve learned to accept that the program I chose to commit in college is not an easy one. In fact, there were rankings, although unofficial, that states it’s board examination is the third hardest in the country. Yet for the challenge and the future vision of work that I had in my head, I pursued it and even transferred to another school, which, for me, is better in preparing me to be the best physical therapist that I can be.
I had always wanted to be competent and excellent in what I do. This desire is bounded by the saying, “Chase excellence and success will come running right at you,” from the movie The Three Idiots. I had already planted in my head that prayer, hard work, diligence, and perseverance can conquer every trial that I might encounter in this journey.
Incoming second year college, I left the comfort of my hometown and moved to a completely different city that although not that big of a city, is still foreign to me. I didn’t have a family here and so I stayed in the school’s dormitory, and friends became my family. I had a taste of pressure from highly expectant instructors but I haven’t felt that much pressure and challenge until the second semester. Anatomy and physiology subject has put through a lot of all-nighters. But, even though it was tiring for me, I was satisfied because the efforts that I made were reflected on my score in every quiz that we had. I was able to learn and I was able to enjoy it at the same time.
Came third year, the most difficult as they say, it became so much of a challenge. Time became my number one enemy because my class would start at 7:30 in the morning then end at 7:30 in the evening. I was already so drained every time I arrive at night, and so studying for the exam the next day became so much of a challenge. I hardly get enough sleep because of tons of things to study for the quizzes the next day. And so that became a routine for that whole semester. Go to class, eat, study, and repeat.
I got not much problem for some of my subjects but Pathology, PT2, and Physiology were my greatest struggle. Pathology became so difficult for me since my instructor seldom discussed and then gave quizzes right away. I struggled with physiology because it was really a difficult subject although it was a good thing that my instructor was good in explaining. But still, there were questions during the exams that were not part of the discussion. The supposed to be easiest subject PT2, became so much of a struggle because of so much demand from my instructor. We were asked to pass many requirements from algorithms to video presentations. This was supposed to be a skill-based subject but demonstrations were seldom and there were no procedural handouts given. I was left with no choice but to research for procedures from books, which turned out to be different from what my instructor wanted.
The first semester ended and I was nervous for the results of my final grades. It wasn’t very satisfactory on my part because my efforts were not reflected on my grade. I had given it my best but the result was not what I wanted. And so I promised myself to do better in the second semester, the most difficult semester.
Second semester came and I started to undergo this problem-based learning method, implemented by the Physical Therapy Department. In this type of curriculum, the class got divided into groups and was given advisers coming from the faculty. I happened to be under the supervision of my dean. So, students did the discussions, and those weren’t clear discussions because even the reporter cannot understand his/her own report.
I’d say that I had much more free time than I had in the first semester. I didn’t have daily quizzes anymore and modular exams happened once a week only. Seemed like a good news but I actually sacrificed my score because I seldom pass my modular exams. Out of the five subjects integrated, it was only Anatomy that I get to pass most. I knew that my 2nd semester subjects are highly relevant as foundation for the PT program but I wasn’t really able to have an in-depth understanding of most of my subjects especially Kinesiology and Thera-Ex1. Even the basic principles of these subjects were not properly discussed. Until now, I do not know if my understanding of these principles is right, or I had a wrong assumption. It became an effort-base semester since scores became not much of a basis on assuming whether someone will pass or not. It was more of how much effort our adviser can see from us. A lot of significant topics got neglected. Even the myotomes and dermatomes were not properly discussed. I don’t even remember those topics now.
And so my last semester in third year ended. I don’t know if I was able to learn or nothing at all. My grades weren’t that bad but still, it pained me. Because the knowledge that I could estimate I was able retain, cannot sum up to my final grade. I learned so little.
Last academic year: the fourth year. Again, as I always do before the start of each semester, I want to do better than the last semester. I swore to myself that I would pass every modular exam that I will have. But, again, it never happened. Again and again, I barely pass my modular exams. Our first modular exam was all about cardiac conditions and I only passed one subject, Seminar 1. I blamed it to myself because I wasn’t able to read all the references. Arterial conditions came and I made sure I read all the references, but then, I didn’t even understand the questions. Some I thought I got them right but turned out to have a totally different answer. My instructor didn’t even consider my answer. The next time around, I did the same thing but I as I read the questions, they were so foreign to me. We weren’t able to discuss any of those. I wasn’t able to read any of those during my independent study. And so more modular exams came, and more failures I garnered. I was so disappointed. And I couldn’t pinpoint to whom should I be disappointed: to myself, or to my instructors.
I did my part. I studied the references. I studied 5 books. Although I cannot assure that everything I read retained, I knew to myself that I learned. Each reference presented different details, different word and presentations, but same thought. And yet, my answers with the same thought to the answers from the answer key were not considered. I studied a vast number of references that I do not know which from these references I should focus on. My brain is not a super computer that can sum-up every detail from every reference that I read. There were times when my answer was from this reference but my instructor’s answer was from another reference. Right now, all I can say is that I do not understand at all. Can’t my classmates, and I be provided with the same information? Can’t we be given basis as to which books we should read? Can’t we be given handouts for a specific topic?
All I wish right now is to go back to the traditional lecture. I understand more that way. I got to learn more that way. I’ve wasted so much time, two semesters, not learning solid facts and principles but just assuming based on what I think is what it meant. As I see myself reviewing for my board examinations later, I see a confused me. I see me at a disadvantage. I feel like crying every time I try to evaluate my learning. Everything is an assumption for me right now. Aren’t students supposed to be guided? I feel so lost, without any direction and I know that I am not supposed to feel this especially on my fourth year, a very critical year with subjects highly necessary for the board examination. I feel like I am learning to be a physical therapist all by myself. I feel like I am not getting the most of my very expensive tuition fee.
The effect of this way of learning is a gamble. The result of the board exam of the batch before mine will be the basis of what the effect of this type of learning is since they were the first batch to undergo PBL. There are just so much to consider and I think that in this case, students like me are of disadvantage. We do the effort of making presentations, studying for discussion, passing requirements, and then what we get in return is not much of a significant.
I am ending this by saying that change sometimes is unnecessary, especially if the previous way has already been proven effective.
God Bless batch 2019.