IDFWY

I thought I was an atheist until I realized I'm a God

[luminarai]

listen, I’m not the biggest fan of kids but if a child looks at me then you bet I’m gonna smile back at them. kids deserve to experience the world as a kind and safe place to explore okay.

[paprika]

[cheaphalloweencostume]

me: I should do laundry

my brain: you should die

me: touché

[dankmemeuniversity]

[did-you-know]

Giant tarantulas keep tiny frogs as pets. Insects will eat the burrowing tarantulas’ eggs - so the spiders protect the frogs from predators, and in return the frogs eat the insects. Source

[bogleech]

This has blown my mind for years. It’s so unreal. It’s almost the same exact reason humans and cats started living together.

Tiny frogs are tarantula housecats. A science fact seldom gets to sound that much like meaningless word salad.

[sir-p-audax]

This is legit, guys. And I’m excited about it.

[fedoraspooky]

Someone needs to draw a tarantula person with a tiny pet housefrog now. Please let this be a thing.

[rapid-artwork]

How is this?

[losingmymindtonight]

it all makes sense now

[marinebaeology]

John Mulaney quotes I identify with

on a deep, spiritual, personal level:

“I meant to learn about cars, and then I forgot.”

“I have a girlfriend now myself, which is weird because I’m probably gay based on the way I act and behave.”

“I could never dress goth, and don’t get me wrong. I’m unhappy, it’s not that.”

“It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them. And so much fun not to do them! Especially when you were supposed to do them.”

“Whoa! That tall child looks terrible! Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends!”

“I was raised Catholic. I don’t know if you can tell that from the everything about me.”

“I thought I was gonna be murdered my entire childhood!”

“What is college?” *incoherent babbling*

“I was sitting up in bed a few weeks ago like [groans]. You know, life?”

“When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much.”

[catsofinstagram]

[ya-wn]

please for the love of god turn ur sound on

[weiszrchel]

#mood 

[teenagerposts]

this is the best one

[dorkydoods-deactivated20181228]

HAGIBFIAFAFDB IM WHEEZING ON MY BED THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE SEEN IN YEARS

[pokemonstadium2]

this is a very funny post and it’s very true but i’m freaking out over finally finding another human being who says the word bikkies. this has been the bane of my existence since i was a child

[aphrodildo]

[bestrooftalkever]

[hotboyproblems]

[whitepeopletwitter]

Truth

[thechanelmuse]

[moeeskeekin]

Literally the best post I’ve ever seen

[kofukune]

@wolfthedragon

[knightlyhoods-deactivated202404]

this has got to be THE funniest sentence ive seen all day im gonna cry

[quaadude]

Me getting my name called to get my order at Starbucks

[vverism]

the sexual tension between you and anyone your age on public transport 

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]