Al Pal

30s-she/they-gay

[wyrmicelli]

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

[snowown]

[cyphir-spacerobot]

Victor Frankenstein after achieving the impossible and building a fucking person from scraps of the dead: Oh god, ew, ew it's ugly! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew! Ew! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew!

[koiagain]

[senatortedcruz]

This is killing me like yeah. Feminism is what did it.

[butchdeanjohn]

positive image: a portrait of gay america (1985) by stephen stewart

[throo]

Wh-what do you mean it’s from a birthday cake

[throo]

We could have been eating him

[syn4k]

"lock in" is probably one of the most important phrases to enter the public lexicon in the 2020s

[joyflameball]

[thememedaddy]

[omegaversereloaded]

Age regressing to 22

[sweatie-goddess]

showers do feel kinda nice but having to shower is such bullshit

[sweatie-goddess]

i should just get to never feel gross ever on account of im cutes

[teashoesandhair]

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs

[dogpuppy]

At the local hamburger shop and they said yelled out “order 167!” And three middle school age kids yelled in perfect unison “ 6 7!” Life is sometimes so beautiful

[moisterpeggingchampion]

If you reference 67 you deserve to be executed on the spot tbh

[dogpuppy]

If I was king for a day the first thing I would do would be to sentence you to a life full of love and understanding.

[senatortedcruz]

AND I COULD TELL YOUUU

I could tell you his favorite color's green He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes And if you asked me if I love him, ................I'd lie

[doomdos]

[magnetic-deflection]

reblog to PAT the PIG

[cemeteryseven]

my great-grandmas kitchen window

[mangonetics]

Dogs serve as a kind of virtue eater for Americans to pour all of their kindness into without the risk of improving society or being nice to someone with any agency

[dufrau]

i dont think straight people should be allowed to do "enemies to lovers" i think if a man is your enemy you need to trust that you were correct the first time and slay him in battle

[aninals]

just hallucinated only the bottom right panel and started giggling and decided i wanted to find the real thing to laugh about it again. and i couodnt so i had to go into my boyfriends dms and ask them if "do you have truckparts"

[grimoiremanifest]

gonna be so real i did not realize the bottom was about purchasing and shipping automobile parts. I thought they were straight up intending to kill and dismantle the UPS truck like some auto mechanic apex predator.