JessCrows @almosthumanjessi - Tumblr Blog

dragon-in-a-fez

they're putting chemicals in the water that turn the fucking frogs cis

thememedaddy

eatcopperwire

ayeforscotland

Every note in Resident Evil.

oneofthosecrazycatladies

I love nature documentaries but where are the urban wildlife nature docs?

Don’t get me wrong, I love lions and penguins and all the other wildlife but give me a nature doc about pigeons and squirrels and rats!!! Surely they’ve got stories to tell too

eyezehuhh

GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY 🏳️‍🌈

only-tiktoks

devantnuit-ladeluge

cryoverkiltmilk

The absolute contempt for these locks is palpable.

mascwoman

New bumper sticker 🕺

st4rb0rnart

Based off a pun my friend made

hiveswap

Heartbreaking: the worst type of person you know made an excellent point

yb-cringe

russingon

the fact that at the council of elrond glorfindel is like “just throw the ring into the ocean” is so funny to me after reading the silmarillion just because it feels like the subtext is him being like “yeah let’s try maglor’s patented and tested method: Just Yeet The Accursed Fucking Thing Into The Water”

#in fairness they do do literally the other fëanorion approved method of magical item disposal #glorfindel: we could do like maglor and throw it in the ocean? #elrond: no we’re doing like maedhros and jumping into a volcano via @lesbianlanval

*at the council of Elrond*

Elrond: Alright, everyone listen up. We elves have 4 methods of dealing with Accursed Fucking Objects™, as demonstrated by my four parents.

Number 1, the Elwing Method or Mom Method. This is to hide the accursed fucking thing away and keep it safe and close. This is highly not reccommended if the object can take over its user like the ring can, and Sauron will be searching for it, so this method is out of the question.

Number 2, the Earendil Method or the Dad #1 Method. This is, send the accursed fucking thing across the sea or to some higher power. According to Mithrandir, the Valar will not take it and Tom Bombadil wants nothing to do with it, so this is also out of the question.

Number 3 is the Maglor Method, or Dad #2 Method. This is to yeet the accursed fucking thing into the ocean. In this case, it is not a good idea as Ulmo will be very upset and we will still have to contend with Sauron.

The last method is the Maedhros Method or the Dad #3 Method. This method is to yeet yourself into a volcano while holding the accursed fucking thing, and also the method we will be using. You will not have to yeet yourself into the volcano, only the ring, don’t worry, Frodo.

art-of-a-diffrent-color

Those…those really are the four methods aren’t they?

armenelols

@procrastinationonvacation how dare you hide this in the tags

duelpersonality

Listen, Boromir knows 1 (one) ancient elven story and damn it, he’s going to ride that horse until it dies.

lilacspecs

grimeclown

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

grimeclown

Snakeyes Pete is from Toronto he gave me a button once that said "Canadians have the best luck" and i said i thought that was the Irish and he said "I fucking hate the irish" and i said okay

lesbianmarrow

free use is kind of a funny kink bc it relies on the idea that everybody wants to touch you and have sex with you but what if they don't. what if you tell everybody at the party you're free use but they all ignore you and mind their own business