Aloe Viiera

Hyperion // Primal Viera // Rava 33 years old he/they

[aloeviiera]

[aloeviiera]

Rot.

[aloeviiera]

DRK

[myrdinisarrel]

Enjoying The View

The cold stone railing bit into Myrdin's fingers as a he looked down into the void below, watching snow swirl into the mist. Icy wind whipped at his hair and face, but he could barely feel it. The mist was hypnotizing, dancing around the foundational stone below, and he felt like it would pull him in if he didn't grip the railing with all his strength. He could almost hear it sing, a sweet, melancholy ringing in his ears.

There was a delay. The shipment he was supposed to sneak out on had been caught up, and he would have to suffer here for another month at least. It was an unbearable stretch of time, and he wanted to scream. He was supposed to be rushing back to the Scholasticate before they found out he he was gone, but he'd had to get himself back under control before he could manage it. Being up high always helped him focus.

"What are you doing here, Myrdin?"

Myrdin closed his eyes tightly, gritting his teeth. Fury, not now… He took a deep breath through his nose, freezing air cooling the storm within him. He felt his fingers digging into the stone railing, almost pulling him closer to the edge.

"Just enjoying the view. What do you want, Ivaran?"

He heard his brother scoff, a derisive sound aimed at the back of Myrdin's head.

"I only want to know what you're doing. Your classes ended a few moments ago, and guards will be waiting to take you home."

At that, his eyes flew open. Oh gods… he'd lost track of time. His pulse started to pound in his ears.

"Aren't you worried what mother will say when she finds out you've missed your studies again?"

He could hear his brother's ruthless smile, his words meant to dig into Myrdin's fear. He kept his face neutral, cold as ice. He turned around and leaned against the railing, crossing his arms and staring his Ivaran down.

"And you plan on telling her? I think not. What are you without your precious leverage?"

Ivaran put a hand to his chest, feigning insult, his face locked in a masking smile.

"You wound me, brother. I'm only worried for your well-being, of course. It's not safe for you to be off on your own."

Myrdin did all he could to keep his face calm. He despised it most when they pretended that all of this was for his own good. Ivaran wanted to get under his skin, and Myrdin couldn't let him see that it was working. His brother put a hand to his jaw and frowned, a carciature of concern.

"You shouldn't be spending so much time in the Brume either. The Church might suspect you've been consorting with heretics. I would hate to have to tell our dear mother you've been carted off to Witchdrop."

Myrdin's felt like his blood had turned cold.

'He was following me.'

"I- I was simply visiting a friend from a class. That's hardly considered an act of heresy, I would think."

He could feel his icy veneer beginning to crack. What if they found out he was planning to run again. This could ruin everything. They would confine him again-

"With history like yours, whose to say what conclusions people will come to," Ivaran said, giving Myrdin a sigh and a forlorn shrug. "I could put in a good word for you, perhaps-"

Ivaran reached out to put a hand on Myrdin's shoulder, but he couldn't stop himself from slapping it away. He couldn't stand letting him touch him, knowing the things he'd done to gain power. The lives he may have taken, the innocents his family had ruined. Ivaran's face fell, and that familiar cold dismissal slid back into his face.

"This is why they treat you like that, you know? You're so ungrateful."

His brother ran a hand through his silvery blue hair, identical to Myrdin's own, and turned to walk away, calling over his shoulder, "Have it your way, Myrdin. You'll get caught eventually without my help, and they'll drag you back, kicking and screaming like a child no doubt."

As he watched Ivaran walk way, Myrdin wrapped his arms around himself, turning back to look out at the mist surrounding Ishgard. He closed his eyes against the frigid wind, containing tears that threatened to escape.

One more long month...

Even if Ivaran had been trying to make him afraid, he'd also given Myrdin ample warning to be on his best behavior from here on out. If he played his cards right, his plan would still work.

He felt the gravity of the mists below tug at him, almost inviting in their endless churn, crooning whispers of freedom.

His plan would still work.

It had to.

[aloeviiera]

Amdapor is For Lovers (Part II) | @myrdinisarrel

[Part 1 here]

—————-

Sunlight found its way through the crack in the wall, breaking past the mossy blanket safeguarding Bertram’s home. As the room began to brighten, Aloe stirred. He was too warm, too comfortable, too spent, to get up immediately, that he dozed in an out again before his body started to ache, molded into the bed. 

He leaned on one elbow, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with a numbed hand slowly regaining life. They moved around in the night and it seemed Aloe’s arm found its way under Myrdin’s head. He shook out his wrist smiling at the pleasurable pain. 

He took in Myrdin’s sleeping form, absorbing the joy of waking next to him, before he gently peeled himself from the bed as quiet as possible. He examined Myrdin’s bandages before pulling the blanket over him, tucking him in so gently with a nervous hand and a full heart. 

You can ask anything of me, Aloe remembered hearing. He bent over to clean up the mess they made last night also in part to hide from the overwhelming sensation that invaded his heart. It was a gift he did not want to take for granted. He hoped it wasn’t a dream.

The thought of this being some fabricated affair, some kind of ploy, petrified him as he walked into Bertram’s kitchen. How long he stood there with his mind and heart at war, he didn’t know. The warm air of the cottage suddenly grew cold, and he returned to Myrdin’s bedside to put on the shirt Myrdin’s loaned him. He played with the hem to convince himself that this was real. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin was walking through miles of cold, dark stone, a twisting labyrinth he couldn’t make sense of. He was walking fast, his hand brushing the wall to help guide him in the darkness. Something was echoing in the corridors behind him, chasing after. It was gaining, and his heart was pounding. He tried to run, but something grabbed his collar, snatching him backwards. A soft feminine voice whispered in his ear, ‘You can’t run forever, Myrdin.’

He sat up with a gasp, drenched in a cold sweat. The memories of the cold stone and malevolent whispers started to evaporate like smoke, the way dreams tended to. He winced at the twinge of pain in his shoulder. He took a steadying breath, trying to still the hammering of his heart in his chest, to release it from the grip of fear. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, wiping the sweat away before opening his eyes.

Aloe sat nearby, once again dressed in Myrdin’s shirt, toying with the hem of it. He started to feel more at ease at the sight of him, even as he blushed at the memory of their conversation before sleep last night. Myrdin gave him a pensive smile.

“Good morning,” He half-mumbled, still a little groggy.

[aloeviiera]

It was Myrdin’s voice that pulled Aloe from his thoughts. Yet again, Myrdin was an anchor amidst the disquiet. Half startled and half delighted, Aloe moved to kneel beside the bed, eager to occupy, but not quite touching, Myrdin’s space. 

Aloe did notice a slight sobriety in Myrdin’s tone but was unsure if it’s simply due to the morning or something else. Was it Myrdin’s shoulder? Aloe still wasn’t convinced that wasn’t his fault. Did their sleeping position aggravate it? Aloe was to blame for that, too. Or maybe cleaning in the morning disrupted him. Aloe should have waited. 

As those thoughts wracked his mind, he turned his face away in shame, hoping to fix this somehow.

“How are you feeling? Did I wake you?” He managed to say, eyes already begging for forgiveness.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin shook himself a little, the haze of sleep clearing a little more. He actually felt quite well rested, if out of sorts.

“No, it wasn’t you,” he said, carefully stretching, “I may have sat up too quickly, but otherwise I feel well.”

He looked down at Aloe. Down? He tilted his head, now noticing that Aloe was on the floor next to him. He looked… deeply apologetic. Was that just his default expression? Or did he genuinely think he had something to apologize for? What could he have possibly done wrong in the mere minutes that Myrdin had been awake?

Myrdin carefully lowered himself on his good side to be closer to Aloe’s eye level, resting his head on his arm. He smiled still, even though he was quite confused. He reached out to gently brush Aloe’s hair away from his un-scarred eye.

“Why are you on the floor?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe had too many answers to offer but said nothing as he could only hold his breath as Myrdin moved in closer. Myrdin’s angelic smile washed away some of Aloe’s guilt as he stared through his good eye, hair brushed aside like a curtain. 

Even after last night… and the night before… and the night before that… Aloe still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. But Myrdin’s words from last night pushed away the thoughts that plagued Aloe in the morning and the thoughts he struggled to sort through now. Filled with an inexplicable, overwhelming feeling, Aloe sprang up on his knees to give Myrdin a sly yet sheepish peck on his lips, his hands gripping the sheets as he did so. 

“So I can do that,” he answered daringly, as he pulled away, his fingers nearly tearing holes into the bedsheets.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pressed his fingers to his lips, surprised, when Aloe pulled away. It was obvious that that wasn’t exactly the truth, but his adorable-yet-nervous expression was hard to argue with.

“If you say so,” he said, giving Aloe a coy smile.

He shifted slowly, bringing himself to sit on the edge of the bed next to Aloe. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Aloe’s cheek, next to the scar that marred it. It seemed uncouth to say that it made him more attractive, not knowing how he was injured, so he chose to keep that thought to himself for the time being. He carefully rose to his feet and glanced around, and then scoffed in annoyance.

“Did Bertram cut up one of my shirts again?” he muttered.

He was able to walk alright, if shakily, and crossed the room to his bags.

“He says that’s the safest way to do it, but I’m going to run out of shirts at this rate.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe stood slowly. 

“He did…,” he answered truthfully, the implication settling in. Bertram had let it slip before, but hearing it from Myrdin himself and how casual and light he made it sound, had the opposite effect. In the few days they’ve known each other, they were each struck with an arrow. How many where there before? And how many would come after? 

Aloe knew the scorn of family, but the thought of being hunted made his heart ache every time. He touched his scar as he looked between Myrdin, sorting through his bag, and the shield Bertram loaned him. Would he even be of any use even if he was better equipped? He had to be. He told Bertram he would.

He was starting to share Myrdin’s anger for his family, regardless if Myrdin allowed him to or not. 

“I don’t want you to go through anymore shirts,” was all Aloe could bring himself to say, crossing his arms to keep himself from rushing Myrdin and embracing him.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pulled on something loose, just to be a little covered. He laughed wryly, anxiously rubbing at one of his arms.

“I don’t either, but my family hasn’t been giving me much choice in the matter.”

He couldn’t stop a pensive sadness from cutting into his voice. He was asking so much of Aloe to even be associated with him. But he didn’t want Aloe to leave either. Maybe he should say something…

“Aloe… I-”, he paused, trying to work up the courage, “I know I asked you to come with me, but… I can’t ask that in good conscience without making it perfectly clear how dangerous it is.”

The words started to spill out of him before he could stop them. But if he wasn’t honest, and something terrible happened as a result, he would never forgive himself.

“I won’t send you away, I can’t-,” he was surprised by how strongly he felt that, how badly he wanted Aloe to stay, “but I’m going to be attacked again. I can’t know when, or where, but they’ll find me.”

He couldn’t look Aloe in the eyes, his mind repeating the memory of Aloe getting hurt over and over.

“I want you to stay with me, to… be… with me, but I would never be upset with you for deciding it’s too much.”

[aloeviiera]

“Too much?” Aloe echoed. Already, he was taking large strides to reach Myrdin, throwing his arms around him from behind as he nuzzled against his back. Fear, concern, happiness, gratitude, sorrow– it all hit him at once and he buried himself between Myrdin’s shoulder blades, wanting to crawl in him and help carry his heavy heart. 

“Nothing would be too much.” He felt so wrong for feeling so happy to be wanted– and above all to be wanted by Myrdin– while Myrdin sounded so distraught. The dissonance nearly made him cry and his heart continued to ache for him.

He tried to urge Myrdin to turn, seeking Myrdin’s eyes as he put his hands on his shoulders. If he wanted to protect Myrdin, he had to rebuild the courage he lost.  He breathed in deeply before he stared intensely into Myrdin’s eyes as much as the other would allow.

“I w-want it, too. I want… you…” Aloe mumbled clumsily, his arms shaking, finding difficulty in expressing his wants, even if Myrdin allowed him to do so. “And I will leave only at your command. If you can’t tolerate me, I-I’ll… I’ll…” Aloe couldn’t finish, he didn’t even want to think of it. The pain of leaving home broke him and he wouldn’t survive being discarded a second time.

“To the ends of the universe, and beyond that, too. Please, let me stay.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin looked at Aloe with wide eyes as the Viera clung to him. The way he pleaded to stay, in spite of everything they’d already been through, in spite of the troubles that were certainly still to come. His frantic voice and hands trembling on Myrdin’s shoulders spoke directly to Myrdin’s heart. He grabbed Aloe’s face in his own gently shaking hands.

“Aloe, I’m not letting you stay,” he said quietly. He traced the scar on Aloe’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s your choice to stay. I don’t own you.”

He pulled Aloe in against his chest, pressing his face into the top of Aloe’s head. He felt like his heart was fit to burst. He couldn’t help letting some of that joy bleed into his voice. He could never ask Aloe to leave.

“But hearing that you want to stay,” he said, smiling against Aloe’s hair, “It honors me greatly that you would, even knowing the danger.”

[aloeviiera]

I don’t own you.

I don’t own you.

Aloe sank into Myrdin’s embrace unsure how he felt about the sentiment. It was both familiar and new, reminding him of his exile– no longer owned, no longer wanted– but giving him an unexpected sense of, what he supposed was, freedom. Myrdin’s gentle stroke against his scar only reminded him that the past didn’t want him back and they never expected him to have a future. They also never expected for Aloe to meet someone like Myrdin.

Freedom, choice. Aloe had to learn to adjust to it.

“Myrdin…” He wiggled out of Myrdin’s chest, still finding his voice. “You said I could ask anything of you.” It felt strange, so picked at Myrdin’s shirt.

“After we head South, would you like to eat by the pier with me again?” Aloe had such a good time then… before the hunters came.

And almost as to prove that Aloe was more than willing to face whatever dangers followed Myrdin, he mimicked Myrdin’s own nonchalance.

“No interruptions this time.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin felt his smile growing as Aloe went on. It was truly a sweet idea, to try again, to hopefully have a better time. He would have to make things right first, but it gave him even more to work towards. It was strange how such a small thing could make him happy. He laughed, feeling warm and light.

“Is that all? Of course we can do that, I would love to!” He grabbed one of Aloe’s hands, pressing his face against the back of it.

Myrdin didn’t know how else to let out some of his nervous energy, and being affectionate with Aloe came so easily. He laughed anxiously, intertwining their fingers together. Making plans that didn’t involve the more dire aspects of his life was felt strange and new.

“Once I do what I can to deal with the situation with my family, I’ll go anywhere with you. Anywhere you want.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe rarely thought about the future in this way. But every time, it excited him. He held Myrdin’s hands tightly, pushing against him and dragging him along childishly until they were practically waltzing in room. Aloe spouted off places he heard in passing, big cities, small towns, places he’s never seen, places he’s been before– rambling about the things they could do together, things he’d always wanted to do when he once fantasized about leaving for the city. Passerby would never guess beneath his gloomy disposition, Aloe was this much of a romantic. He was almost eager to deal with whatever needed to be dealt with.

“And then if you’re up for it we’d walk the shoreline of Costa Del Sol…. ah, I got carried away…” Aloe retreated slightly, looking away more out of embarrassment than anything else, but he didn’t shirk away from Myrdin and kept holding his hand. 

You make me really happy, he wanted to say. Is this too good to be true?

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin let himself be led around the room, following Aloe wherever his tangential thoughts led him. He looked so warm, so open as he spoke of the future. Myrdin couldn’t help smiling, even as darker thoughts began to boil up in the back of his mind.

Could he have this? Was it safe, or would they take this away from him too?

He gripped Aloe’s hand in reassurance when he seemed to realize he had gotten ahead of himself. Myrdin wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to reassure.

“It’s alright, that all sounds lovely,” he said warmly, and then added, a little more tense, “unfortunately where I’m headed next may not be so charming.”

He held Aloe’s hand in both of his then, thumbs tracing the back of it.

“You don’t know much of Amdapor, do you? Since you aren’t from around here?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe burrowed his flushed face into Myrdin’s chest, in part embarrassed by his ramblings, self-conscious of his ignorance, and the disappointing end to his fantasies. “No,” he mumbled apologetically against Myrdin. “You’re the first one I’ve met who has mentioned it.” 

Pulling back to speak clearly, he squeezed Myrdin’s hands back. “You may have many reasons to doubt me, but whatever you need of me, I’ll do all I can.” He lifted himself to his toes to plant a chaste kiss to the side of Myrdin’s mouth.  “You have all of me,” he reassured. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head to give Aloe a second, more lingering kiss, before pulling away. He smile felt tired, but it came easily.

“I have no cause to doubt you, but I don’t know if I have words for how much I appreciate that sentiment, Aloe.”

He went to his saddle bags and began pulling out rolled up maps and notes that he had borrowed from the conjurer’s guild (with a little smooth talking), and started spreading them out on the floor before Bertram’s hearth, talking as he went.

“Let me see if I can’t get us on the same page. I don’t exactly what my family is doing, but I think it involves some kind of black magic. They’re exactly the kind of people who would seek illicit means to gain more power. If that’s the case…”

He pointed to an fragile and tattered map showing the ancient city.

“Then what I need to counter that should be somewhere in here. White magic. Unfortunately the Padjals don’t teach that to anyone, but I feel that if I go here, to Amdapor… I should be able to find something that’ll help me.”

He was really trimming the fat of his explanation, but he Aloe seemed sharp, so he trusted him to know what he was getting at.

“Amdapor, historically, was the hub of white magic before that was banned, too. Technically, by going there, I’m breaking several Gridanian laws. But if it’ll give me what I need to stop them, I’m willing to do it. On top of all that, Bertram tells me that the city has become very dangerous over the last several years.”

Myrdin gestured to a few old drawings made by people who had explored the city, showing strange mold-like webbing clinging to crumbling stone. He looked back to Aloe, smiling at him.

“I trust you when you say you’ll do anything to help, but if you have any hesitance, I won’t begrudge you that.”

[aloeviiera]

The dreamy kiss-tinged expression dropped into that of complete focus and the fluttering feeling in his stomach faded as Myrdin unrolled his maps. Allowing himself to run his finger along the pages to keep up, Aloe studied them with great intent, burning he images into his mind and absorbing all Myrdin had to say. Unfamiliar words nibbled at him and he held onto some terminology and relinquished the ones to ask about later. Was Amdapor buried under ruin and legislation for public safety or did the Gridanians know something else lingered beneath the remains, he wondered. 

He leaned in over the drawings taking note of the strange details the explorers added, deliberate in their presentation rather than some artistic interpretation. Aloe absorbed fully into the pages before him, nearly blind to Myrdin’s gestures and expressions. 

As his eyes flicked from one scroll to the next. “The popularity of Amdapor’s magicks must’ve caused its downfall if it were banned,” he thought out loud, circling to the other side of Myrdin’s pile to study those too. 

Aloe let out a breath, troubled by the burden Myrdin endured because of the enigmatic sins of his family. “It does seem quite dangerous…” He paced around to ensure he didn’t miss a single detail. 

“Alright,” he moved back to Myrdin’s side, sliding an arm around Myrdin’s waist, eyeing the map one more time. “If this is all you have, then I should be prepared.” “We’ll be cautious,” he said, seriously.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin stretched slowly before leaning against Aloe with a sigh. His body was still aching and tired.

“I’ll be as cautious as someone looking for calamity-causing magicks could be,” he said with wry laugh.

He tipped his head on top of Aloe’s, nudging against one of his long lupine ears, as he looked at the parchment spread out around them. He felt both hesitant and eager, but most of all, relieved.

“I was prepared to enter these places on my own, but I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Having your help in this is invaluable, and will make the whole venture much safer, even if it’s still very dangerous.”

He paused, absorbing the comfort of having someone by his side. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it before.

“Once Bertram is back with Vayu, we should have time to reach Amdapor before I’m caught up with again. They’ll be unlikely to follow us into the city at the very least, unless forced.”

[aloeviiera]

Butterflies returned, fluttering about in his stomach. Aloe rarely liked the feeling of his ears being touched but he couldn’t help blush at the proximity of Myrdin’s face, imagining his lips nipping at the base of it. But more than that, the feeling of being a support to Myrdin’s weight as he leaned into him ignited something in his heart again. Yet it was quickly crushed by the sobering reality at hand. The hunters and Myrdin’s family are likely to find them– find Myrdin– again.

Aloe frowned at that. He hoped whatever Amdapor hid could free Myrdin in the end. “Until Bertram does return, perhaps you should get some more rest.” He rubbed the small of Myrdin’s back, urging him to return to the bed. 

“I saw some vegetables in the kitchen. Would Bertram mind too much if we helped ourselves? I can fix something up for you.” Aloe never thought himself much of a culinarian, but he could be resourceful when needed. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad, and Myrdin wouldn’t hate him for it. 

“Is there anything you dislike to eat?” he said, already making his way to the kitchen. He remembered Myrdin enjoyed flavorful, savory foods. 

He touched his ear and blushed. 

[myrdinisarrel]

“By all means, he won’t mind at all,” Myrdin said with a dismissive smile and a quiet laugh, “Bertram really likes cooking, so you can probably find anything you’d want if you dig around.”

Rather than laying down, Myrdin brushed off Aloe’s gentle guidance towards the bed, instead dragging a chair after Aloe. He ignored any concerned looks he might be receiving as made himself comfortable, leaning against the counter. He hummed thoughtfully at Aloe’s question, and then shrugged.

“Not really, no. I don’t think there’s anything wouldn’t eat,” he said, scratching the side of his neck pensively, “It’s actually a little embarrassing how long it took me to even enjoy food. But now I can usually find something to like about any dish.”

He rested his chin on a hand as he watched Aloe. He thought back to Aloe’s flood of questions the day before, and thought maybe it was fair for him to ask some of his own. He had an idea now that maybe the ways the had lived before meeting each other had more similarities than he would like… he would try to avoid touchier subjects.

“What about you? Things you don’t like? Or better yet, any favorites?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe gave Myrdin a small, playful pout as he made himself comfortable at the counter against Aloe’s recommendation. Myrdin proved to be a man who did what he pleased and Aloe couldn’t bring himself to deny him anything, even if he wanted. But he wouldn’t reject the company either if it meant they could stay closer for longer. 

With what he perceived as permission from Myrdin, he began rummaging through Bertram’s cupboards and drawers, discovering baskets and boxes filled with different ingredients as Myrdin suggested. Aloe found himself hoping for more moments like these, believing in the normalcy and peace. Both of them lived far from mundane lives, but if it could be like this, he wouldn’t mind it.

Maybe they would have a chance after Amdapor. A part of him knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but most of him prayed that it would be– not in fear of the dangers but in anticipation of the future. Their future. 

He continued to explore some unfamiliar spices and produce, touching and smelling them before placing them back in their spots even a little neater than how he found them. He considered the question seriously, taking some cucumber and tomatoes into his arms, placing them on the counter.  “I eat most things,” he said, truthfully, though his experience meant that most things consisted of whatever he could forage or hunt. It wasn’t until he stepped over to the continent that he was able to even consider an even greater assortment of foodstuff or even consider purchasing meals prepared for him. He had to remember to add eating at a restaurant to his mental list of places to go with Myrdin since Aloe had been too hesitant to experience one. He felt silly having never gone all this time.  Aloe picked up a pumpkin resting at the side of the counter, knocking his knuckles against it in thought. “Um…” he cowered behind the pumpkin as he picked it up, nearly crushing it in his grip. 

Quietly, he mumbled, “I’m fond of pastries.” And cakes. And cookies. And pies. He remembered Myrdin didn’t prefer them. so he slowly peeked behind the giant vegetable to gauge his expression. 

He felt like a child, ashamed to admit that he craved desserts often but repressed those along with all his other wants and wishes. 

“But I dont know how to make them.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head, watching Aloe with interest as he selected his ingredients. How do you even cook a pumpkin, really? The expression Aloe made when he spoke of pastries had guilty pleasure written across his face. He’d be willing to bet there was some kind of sweet baked goods in the pantry, already made.

“I don’t know how to make pastries either. Simple foods are difficult enough for me as it is, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

He carefully stood and padded over to Bertram’s pantry, rummaging around through jars of preserves and paper-wrapped things. Apparently he was driven to satisfy any of Aloe’s indulgences. He continued speaking over his shoulder.

“Do you like to cook too? I always wished I had learned how. If you like things burnt or undercooked, then I’m your man.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe chuckled. The sound was soft but genuine and full of joy. Not at Myrdin’s inability to cook but he laughed admiring Myrdin’s ability to make light of his own shortcomings. Everything Myrdin did– or didn’t do– seemed so radiant while the mere thought of admitting Aloe’s own failings, his deficiencies, terrified him. 

He started hacking away at the vegetables, making them bitesize but he frowned when they ended up asymmetrical. “I can’t imagine it being that bad,” he tried to reassure Myrdin. “But I’m sure you could learn pretty quickly if you wanted to.” He moved onto the pumpkin, giving it a resounding whack with one of Bertram’s heavier knives. He lacked the speed and precision of a trained culinarian but had remarkable strength in his svelte arms to cut straight through with little resistance. He carved out the seeds and continued to cut the pumpkin into pieces, operating carefully to not dull Bertram’s blades or dirty his kitchen, maintaining his workspace well. 

“I-I’m not sure if I hate it or like it myself,” he answered truthfully, stumbling over his thoughts. He liked this whatever this was, he supposed. As a child, he was used to eating alone at the hearth after everyone had their fill. Cooking came later when he was sent off alone. Desperation was the instructor and survival was the reward for learning to cook. 

“I suppose… I like cooking for others…” he said slowly, discovering his feelings on it in the moment. Cooking for someone else meant there was someone else. 

 “I can show you what I know if that’s something you’re interested in,” he said, putting everything into the pot.

[myrdinisarrel]

“Ha, you’re welcome to try, but don’t hold out too much hope for success.”

He doubted Aloe could do much for him, but Myrdin still smiled at the thought as he added, “But it would be fun to try.”

Myrdin carefully rifled through the wrapped goods near the front of the pantry shelves, opening the brown paper wrapping just enough to see what was inside before carefully closing them back. He opened one that seemed to have some kind of sweet iced biscuit inside. He took one out and gave it a tentative bite, finding that it had some kind of berry filling inside. Too sweet, but they were soft and chewy.

“Hm… I think you’ll like these,” he said, picking up the package.

He turned and brought it over to where Aloe was cooking. He leaned against the counter next to him, glancing into the pot for a moment. Whatever he was making smelled fantastic. Seeing that Aloe had his hands occupied, Myrdin took one of the biscuits out of the package and held it up for him to take a bite of, intending to feed him while he worked.

“Try some. I don’t think one or two will spoil your meal.”

He gave Aloe the sweetest, most innocent smile he could muster.

[aloeviiera]

An almost sweetly painful pang in his heart nearly caused him to collapse on the spot thanks to Myrdin’s irresistible smile. The inexplicable gravity of the Elezen’s  charm forced him to lean into the counter for support, trying with all his might to continue his task at hand while his legs threatened to buckle. He could smell sugar coming off from Myrdin’s fingertips and couldn’t resist taking a careful nibble, not before glancing at Myrdin once again for permission.

It didn’t take long for the sweetness to hit his tongue, dragging his mind back to the first time he landed on this continent, experiencing kindness that first time. He resisted an absolutely primitive moan that escaped as a satisfied sigh instead as the memory washed over him. Now, he was being fed by the most exquisite man he’s ever met. Desserts were truly magical. 

Eyes nearly sparkling, face reddened, and eyebrows upturned with pleasure, he brought a hand to cover his mouth to hide a dumb grin, pretending to chew thoughtfully despite having inhaled the bite. He stole another less delicate bite before he moved the pot over to the fire, returning quickly to finish off the biscuit he purposefully chiseled down to temper his craving. 

Before Myrdin could pull his hand away, Aloe gently grabbed his wrist, sucking lightly on his finger tips, licking off the stubborn crumbs and icing that stuck around.

And just as quickly, he turned his back to Myrdin, moving back to the pot to stir the vegetables before they started sizzling. He hid his enflamed face in the heat of the fire, channeling all his shaky energy into his stirring arm as he wondered why he did that. 

[myrdinisarrel]

A rapid, searing heat burned in the pit of his stomach as Aloe turned away from. The soft, inviting warmth of Aloe’s mouth had paralyzed for a moment too long, making him unable to act before it was gone. It took everything Myrdin had to not immediately try to feed him another, but regretfully chose restraint. Otherwise, he was likely to distract Aloe too much.

“Maybe I should learn how to bake,” he wondered aloud, unable to keep the smile out of his voice.

He returned to his seat, setting the package on the counter nearby in case Aloe wanted to grab another. He couldn’t help bringing the chair a touch closer. The heat boiling within him had yet to go away, and he wanted to be close, but he didn’t want to get in Aloe’s way.

“You like cooking and sweets, but do you have any other growing interests? We could explore them together sometime.”

[aloeviiera]

Relief washed over him and Myrdin didn’t seem too bothered by his impulse, even seemingly enjoying it. But as he continued to supervise the fire and Myrdin continued to ask him about his interests, a strange feeling of being exposed ate at him. 

He soothed himself, rubbing warmth back into his arms that grew cold with Myrdin’s growing curiosity. Not unpleasant, but nerve-wracking. He feared answering incorrectly, but couldn’t sense a right answer to begin with. He found being uncovered– no, discovered– both exhilarating and exhausting. Though, chatting came easy and unrehearsed with Myrdin, learning about himself alongside him was a journey he didn’t realize he was taking and was wholly unprepared for. 

He kept his back turned to Myrdin, and at this point was over-stirring. Focus pulled Aloe’s mouth into a frown. What were his other interests now that he had the freedom to pursue them? The lack of experiences plagued him. Suddenly, he remembered the peace of weaving and tailoring as a kit, but those short-lived endeavors saddened him, so he wouldn’t mention that now.  

Realizing he had yet to respond, he hunted for the biscuits Myrdin placed on the counter, putting another in his mouth almost as an excuse not to speak while he sought an answer to his question. He was too embarrassed to be without one.

He supposed he had at least one growing interest…

He turned to Myrdin, looking down at the seated man with darkened, hungry eyes, hypnotized and unaware. Aloe brushed the crumbs from his lips with his thumb thinking about how Myrdin’s fingers felt against his mouth. He definitely wanted to do some kind of exploring together when Myrdin was fully healed.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin met Aloe’s stare with another sweet, mostly innocent smile. It was clear their thoughts were the same, and he was so internally frustrated that he had to try and rest. His mind was full of what-ifs and justifications and promises to be careful that he couldn’t voice, but he had to put them out of his mind. He knew that he couldn’t trust himself to do any of that.

Instead, he tried to dial his mind back to Aloe’s previous discomfort, to try and untangle it. Myrdin didn’t think that he himself would have solid answers to his own questions, so maybe it was the same for Aloe. It was hard to know which subjects were sensitive, but honestly he didn’t care what they talked about as long as he got to talk to Aloe more.

He let his eyes deliberately follow Aloe’s thumb as it traced his lips before meeting Aloe’s eyes and saying sweetly, “Don’t stare too long or you might burn your food. What are you making by the way?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe blinked away his fantasies, slapping the rest of the biscuits far from him across the counter. Frantically, he spun on his heels searching for his lost senses and composure and failing to remember what he was working on. He felt like a criminal, caught amidst the crime. 

Right. Food. He nearly split Bertram’s wooden spoon in two, gripping it as he stirred vigorously to prevent the vegetables from sticking to the bottom. He exhaled with relief, the dish was mostly saved. 

His voice had a slight tremble, shame lingering. “It’s not too unlike what Bertram prepared for us, I think. Nor is it very beautiful, but it should help you heal… faster.” 

His own mind betrayed him. “N-not for any particular reason other than to get you on your back– I mean get you back on your feet!” 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin’s eyes widened in surprise, before his mind in unfroze and confirmed that he had indeed heard correctly. The kitchen felt suddenly incredibly warm, and he couldn’t suppress the nervous laugh that bubbled out of him. Aloe looked mortified, and he might’ve felt the same if he’d let a statement like that slip. But he couldn’t deny the heat coiling within him at how good it felt to know with certainty that he was desired.

“Well, I hope it helps as you say.”

He feigned calm, carefully looking at his nails. Hopefully he wasn’t being too teasing, too nonchalant. He really enjoyed flirting with Aloe, liked making him flustered.

“I’d like to be healed and on my back… I mean my feet, as soon as possible.”

He spoke slowly and deliberately, mirroring Aloe’s mistake in a way that was anything but accidental.

[aloeviiera]

Aloe was not one for prayer. Given how he lived most of his life a spiritless puppet designed only to suffer, prayer worked little for him. But he found himself praying that Myrdin hadn’t heard Aloe’s mistake. And as before, prayer did nothing. And thus, his suffering continued. 

Aloe covered his face with his hands, reddened in every exposed part of him. Each word Myrdin spout out became too overwhelming to hear again. Even though Myrdin didn’t sound upset, Aloe feared that Myrdin would now see Aloe as someone who thought of only thought of him like that. 

He wanted to apologize but instead of a cool and winning explanation, he let out a whimper that sounded like he was on the verge of tears, which embarrassed him even more. He sunk further to the ground, where at least if embarrassment did actually kill him, the fall would be less dramatic. But it only made Aloe worry that Bertram would be left to clean up his body, so he couldn’t let that kill him.

“I’m sorry,” Aloe mumbled against his knees tucked into his chest, almost indecipherable with how tightly wound up he was. He was not going to survive if Amdapor was going to be like this. “I like you and I can’t stop making a fool of myself.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin smiled when Aloe blushed and covered his face, but it quickly fell when he heard the distressed sound and watched Aloe sink to the floor. He suddenly felt cold and heavy inside. Had he pushed to far? Had he touched on nerve he was unaware of?

“H-hey, hang on-”, he said as he pushed himself up from the chair, grimacing at his sore muscles but forced his body through it.

He knelt carefully near Aloe, hands hovering around him, unsure if it would be alright to touch him. From this vantage he could hear Aloe’s mumbling, and it plucked at a tender cord in his heart. He gently circled his arms around Aloe. It was almost too easy with how small he was trying to make himself.

“No, it’s I who should be sorry,” he smiled ruefully, pressing his face into Aloe’s hair.

“I like you very much, and thought it was adorable how flustered you were. A bit of fun gone too far. If you’re a fool for saying what we’re both thinking, then we can be fools together.”

[aloeviiera]

If it were even possible, Aloe curled into an even tighter ball against Myrdin’s dizzying kindness, stabilizing himself by rolling just slightly into his embrace. Although it wasn’t much fun for Aloe, he found he didn’t hate it either. The past two-odd summers proved difficult for Aloe to feel very competent in anything despite his best efforts. Yet Myrdin seemed to lure out his imperfections, welcomed it even, meeting him with reward– this kind embrace– rather than punishment.  

He let himself drown in Myrdin’s softened tone, comforted by the feel of him breathing into his hair. The words were simple, monosyllabic, and easy to understand, but he refused to unfurl, selfishly hanging onto them. He wanted to hear them again. And again. And again.  “I couldn’t hear you,” he pouted, wily, as he peaked his good eye between his fingers at Myrdin.   

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin leaned back to look at Aloe, raising a skeptical brow. Close as they were, it was difficult to believe. But then, where would be the harm in repeating himself regardless of whether Aloe had heard him or not.

“Is that so? Let me try again then.”

He leaned back in, wrapping Aloe in his arms even closer than before. He tilted his head to put his mouth close to the base of one of Aloe’s ears, lips barely brushing soft flesh and fur. Only to be guaranteed that he was heard well, of course.

“I said I like you very much, Aloe.”

He kept his voice low and soft, barely above a whisper. It wouldn’t do to harm him by being too loud.

“I’m sorry for teasing, but you aren’t a fool to me. I enjoy your company, and I long for more of it.”

Myrdin hoped that the sincerity he put into every word shone through. He wasn’t simply being playful. He pressed a kiss to Aloe’s head just below his ear before adding, “Unfortunately, this cooking pot might need to take your attention from me for now.”

[aloeviiera]

The whispered vibrations sent a gratifying chill down Aloe’s spine and oh…. he liked that. Frozen still by the meaning behind Myrdin’s words yet melting at his touch, Aloe gripped lightly at the front of the other man’s shirt as if to pull him even closer still, sneaking a quick kiss against Myrdin’s jaw. Each passing moment with him provided Aloe with new sensations he continuously tried to wrap his head around. He felt so light despite his nerves shackling him to his past. 

Aloe never hated a bubbling pot of food more than in that moment. As he unwound himself to stand, he guided Myrdin with him, rubbing his sides as a gesture of gratitude and unspoken regret, reluctant to let go. He felt both shame and pleasure for acting so childish, but relished that Myrdin willingly indulged him.  “It should be done,” Aloe sighed almost bitterly. He gestured to the table, “I’ll bring you a bowl.” 

Aloe inspected the stew once more, giving it a light taste test. It seemed fine enough, the tomatoes were cooked down as intended and the pumpkin was perfectly soft even if he failed to cut them all the same size. Aloe served up two bowls and brought them to the table. 

He starred at Myrdin awaiting his assessment.    

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin snuck in another quick kiss to the top of Aloe’s head before shuffling off to sit down at the dining table and wait. He rested his chin on his hands, closing his eyes and thinking wistfully about the strangely domestic situation he found himself in. Is this why people choose to live together? He felt only a little restless, but maybe someday that feeling would ease.

His attention turned to the present as Aloe set a bowl in front of him and sat next to him. He gave Aloe a warm smile and quiet thanks as he picked up the spoon. He took a delicate bite, making a pleased hum as he did. It was warm, homey, comforting, with a gentle savory flavor. He didn’t think he’d ever eaten pumpkin before, but he could safely say that he liked it as he went in for a second bite. He was halfway to a third when he noticed Aloe staring at him. He laughed a little nervously under the scrutiny.

“I was afraid that I was going to ruin it by distracting you, but this is delicious.”

He took another bite, chewing thoughtfully. He was almost envious that Aloe could just make something like this just digging around in Bertram’s kitchen. He wouldn’t have known where to start.

“If cooking for others is something you’re interested in, then I’d be happy to help you with that hobby,” he said, smiling warmly.

[aloeviiera]

A satisfied sigh escaped Aloe’s lips with Myrdin’s compliment. He then felt comfortable to eat from his own bowl, taking peeks at Myrdin just to be doubly sure he was enjoying the meal.

“I’ll cook for you,” Aloe declared, simply but maybe too eagerly. “But perhaps if you tire of it, we can go somewhere and eat there. Together. Once in a while. Maybe.” He smiled too, while chasing one of his poorly chopped pumpkin pieces around his bowl. It wasn’t quite a request, but he felt a small tinge of self-pride for being able to suggest such an idea. He’ll work on the delivery next time.   

Whenever either of them stopped talking, Aloe’s thoughts continued to turn, bubbling up like his mind was boiling. Sometimes good thoughts, sometimes bad, but most often than not relentless. In this moment, he couldn’t help but replay the experiences they shared thus far. From their inebriated antics to waking up in Gridania’s Inn then followed by their harrowing journey here, their limited time together felt longer than reality. And yet, sitting here eating together felt natural like they’ve known each other for several lifetimes. 

Realistically, Aloe didn’t know Myrdin well at all. 

“Do you have anything like that? A-a hobby or an interest, I mean. Your healing ability is impressive, but maybe conjuring isn’t considered the same as a hobby–,” his bit his lip to stop his rambling. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin sat up more stiffly, feeling put on the spot. His magical abilities were both a special interest of his, but also had a bit of tangled history in his mind. It was a fair question though. He’d been hassling Aloe about his interests all morning, it was only fair. He hurriedly took another bite, to give himself extra time to best decide how to answer.

“Actually,” he said, with a laugh more nervous than he intended, “conjuration is something of a hobby.”

Aloe wouldn’t judge him for his more poignant failings, he supposed. Why should he be embarrassed? He shook it off as he swallowed another bite.

“I mostly taught myself, once I found that it came easy to me. I was trained in other forms of magic, but I honestly I’m dreadful at them. My parents actually gave up teaching me magic all together and had me trained in archery by the Knights instead… not that particularly excelled at that either.”

He actually laughed at that. They were so hung up on the right forms of power, that they brushed off anything they considered a waste of time.

“When I learned of magic that borrowed from the land, a gift from nature, I couldn’t help being interested. Especially once I learned the ways that magic like that could be used to help people…”

He trailed off, recalling all the ways he’d been told that helping those beneath him was also a waste of time.

[aloeviiera]

Admiration for Myrdin’s answer stopped Aloe from eating all together as he folded his hands in his lap, listening intently. Even his dulled eye sparkled with interest, enamored by Myrdin’s ability to pursue foreign arts. 

“I think that’s incredible,” he let out a dreamy sigh, then sat upright remembering himself. Aloe felt like he had to explain further, so he continued. “My elders would say I had some notable ability in things I didn’t care much for…” Those escaped thoughts made him wince. The elders and masters would have declared that Aloe was acting selfishly and ungratefully. 

Aloe had to pause to remind himself that they weren’t around as he wrung his hands. “I can’t imagine having the courage to pursue something like that alone and I think you’re incredible for it.” He found himself inspired by Myrdin’s resolve and kindness, driven to help others. 

“It seems like your abilities are borrowed from something not unlike the Green Word,” he mused mostly to himself. Catching Myrdin’s gaze, he became flustered. “Ah– that is, um, maybe the word is ‘elementals’ here? I’m not sure. They seem kinder than her, though,” he laughed. He actually laughed, feeling a strange sense of freedom in his disrespect. Perhaps this was something he was picking up from Myrdin as well.

He cleared his throat, face flushed, and breaking eye contact. “Does that mean you hear their voice?”    

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head curiously as he listened. The Green Word…. he remembered hearing Bertram mention that on occasion, and, like Aloe, had trouble describing it. It being elementals on the other side of the world made as much sense as anything else, he supposed.

“I… guess you could compare it to hearing a voice? At the Conjurer’s Guild they said I was something called a ‘hearer’,” he couldn’t help making quotations in the air with his fingers and rolling his eyes. “I always found the title to be a little too on-the-nose, but it works.”

They had also tried very hard to get convince him to stay in the guild after he had come to them with his experiences. What he needed from them hadn’t really mattered to them in the end.

“I get this feeling sometimes, with rises in the wind, when I touch the earth, or with rain on my skin, and its like I can feel the will of something else. It’s there’s an intent to the sensations, like someone is reaching out to me, and I can understand it like words.”

He sighed a little, wistfully, thinking of the first time he’d heard it, and he started describing it before he could stop himself.

“I was running through Western Coerthas the first time, actually. A lot further from the Shroud than you might think. I was in copse of pines, in snow up to my knees. In the icy crunch of it, and the whisper of the snow falling on the wind, it felt like someone was trying to guide me, to hold my hand and take me some where safe.”

He shook himself a little, letting the memory melt away. He laughed awkwardly, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. It was such a strange thing to describe, he probably sounded a fool.

“Sorry, I got carried away…”

He looked at Aloe out of the corner of his eye, admiring his delicate features, unable to stop himself from awkwardly sliding his hand half way towards him on the table, wanting to reach out, silently hoping Aloe would do the same.

[aloeviiera]

Aloe simply shook his head. He met Myrdin half way, perhaps too eagerly, too emphatically, taking the smallest opportunity to lace their fingers together. Gratification bubbled up from his chest when their hands interlocked. 

“I understand,” he reassured, gently squeezing their fingers.

Myrdin’s experience sounded mostly familiar. For Aloe, the word of the wood was an inexplicable sensation, an almost hypnotic force compelling him to do her bidding. But often times the voice of his elders drowned out the sounds of the Green Word, he could only believe their most faithful translation. When given the opportunity to listen to the Word alone, his interpretation was filled with doubt and obscurity. Aloe leaned only to the Word when desperate for company, and resented her silence as he walked away from his tribe.

Aloe recognized the hum of the world outside his home to be the same as the woods that communicated with Myrdin. The winds and rains Myrdin described came to him as chatter he couldn’t understand. Simply put, they didn’t speak to him but he knew they were there.

What else can you hear? He wanted to ask, feeling somewhat exposed and vulnerable.  “That’s not too unlike how the Word speaks-- um, spoke to me. Listening to you now though, I understand how indescribable it could be to those who are unfamiliar.”

Can you hear the sound my heart makes when our hands are linked like this? 

“At times it feels as though your senses are ignited by a voiceless message. Other times it feels like you’re frozen with neglect.”

The exodus of my thoughts as my mind is filled with only you? 

“It’s strange to think that there is something out there guiding you, when all you know is solitude.”

Can you hear every part of me? 

“I suppose I’m grateful to those voices, because they lead me to you,” he smiled at Myrdin, sincerely and deliberately albeit timidly. 

Would you like to? 

[aloeviiera]

Amdapor is For Lovers (Part II) | @myrdinisarrel

[Part 1 here]

—————-

Sunlight found its way through the crack in the wall, breaking past the mossy blanket safeguarding Bertram’s home. As the room began to brighten, Aloe stirred. He was too warm, too comfortable, too spent, to get up immediately, that he dozed in an out again before his body started to ache, molded into the bed. 

He leaned on one elbow, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with a numbed hand slowly regaining life. They moved around in the night and it seemed Aloe’s arm found its way under Myrdin’s head. He shook out his wrist smiling at the pleasurable pain. 

He took in Myrdin’s sleeping form, absorbing the joy of waking next to him, before he gently peeled himself from the bed as quiet as possible. He examined Myrdin’s bandages before pulling the blanket over him, tucking him in so gently with a nervous hand and a full heart. 

You can ask anything of me, Aloe remembered hearing. He bent over to clean up the mess they made last night also in part to hide from the overwhelming sensation that invaded his heart. It was a gift he did not want to take for granted. He hoped it wasn’t a dream.

The thought of this being some fabricated affair, some kind of ploy, petrified him as he walked into Bertram’s kitchen. How long he stood there with his mind and heart at war, he didn’t know. The warm air of the cottage suddenly grew cold, and he returned to Myrdin’s bedside to put on the shirt Myrdin’s loaned him. He played with the hem to convince himself that this was real. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin was walking through miles of cold, dark stone, a twisting labyrinth he couldn’t make sense of. He was walking fast, his hand brushing the wall to help guide him in the darkness. Something was echoing in the corridors behind him, chasing after. It was gaining, and his heart was pounding. He tried to run, but something grabbed his collar, snatching him backwards. A soft feminine voice whispered in his ear, ‘You can’t run forever, Myrdin.’

He sat up with a gasp, drenched in a cold sweat. The memories of the cold stone and malevolent whispers started to evaporate like smoke, the way dreams tended to. He winced at the twinge of pain in his shoulder. He took a steadying breath, trying to still the hammering of his heart in his chest, to release it from the grip of fear. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, wiping the sweat away before opening his eyes.

Aloe sat nearby, once again dressed in Myrdin’s shirt, toying with the hem of it. He started to feel more at ease at the sight of him, even as he blushed at the memory of their conversation before sleep last night. Myrdin gave him a pensive smile.

“Good morning,” He half-mumbled, still a little groggy.

[aloeviiera]

It was Myrdin’s voice that pulled Aloe from his thoughts. Yet again, Myrdin was an anchor amidst the disquiet. Half startled and half delighted, Aloe moved to kneel beside the bed, eager to occupy, but not quite touching, Myrdin’s space. 

Aloe did notice a slight sobriety in Myrdin’s tone but was unsure if it’s simply due to the morning or something else. Was it Myrdin’s shoulder? Aloe still wasn’t convinced that wasn’t his fault. Did their sleeping position aggravate it? Aloe was to blame for that, too. Or maybe cleaning in the morning disrupted him. Aloe should have waited. 

As those thoughts wracked his mind, he turned his face away in shame, hoping to fix this somehow.

“How are you feeling? Did I wake you?” He managed to say, eyes already begging for forgiveness.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin shook himself a little, the haze of sleep clearing a little more. He actually felt quite well rested, if out of sorts.

“No, it wasn’t you,” he said, carefully stretching, “I may have sat up too quickly, but otherwise I feel well.”

He looked down at Aloe. Down? He tilted his head, now noticing that Aloe was on the floor next to him. He looked… deeply apologetic. Was that just his default expression? Or did he genuinely think he had something to apologize for? What could he have possibly done wrong in the mere minutes that Myrdin had been awake?

Myrdin carefully lowered himself on his good side to be closer to Aloe’s eye level, resting his head on his arm. He smiled still, even though he was quite confused. He reached out to gently brush Aloe’s hair away from his un-scarred eye.

“Why are you on the floor?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe had too many answers to offer but said nothing as he could only hold his breath as Myrdin moved in closer. Myrdin’s angelic smile washed away some of Aloe’s guilt as he stared through his good eye, hair brushed aside like a curtain. 

Even after last night… and the night before… and the night before that… Aloe still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. But Myrdin’s words from last night pushed away the thoughts that plagued Aloe in the morning and the thoughts he struggled to sort through now. Filled with an inexplicable, overwhelming feeling, Aloe sprang up on his knees to give Myrdin a sly yet sheepish peck on his lips, his hands gripping the sheets as he did so. 

“So I can do that,” he answered daringly, as he pulled away, his fingers nearly tearing holes into the bedsheets.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pressed his fingers to his lips, surprised, when Aloe pulled away. It was obvious that that wasn’t exactly the truth, but his adorable-yet-nervous expression was hard to argue with.

“If you say so,” he said, giving Aloe a coy smile.

He shifted slowly, bringing himself to sit on the edge of the bed next to Aloe. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Aloe’s cheek, next to the scar that marred it. It seemed uncouth to say that it made him more attractive, not knowing how he was injured, so he chose to keep that thought to himself for the time being. He carefully rose to his feet and glanced around, and then scoffed in annoyance.

“Did Bertram cut up one of my shirts again?” he muttered.

He was able to walk alright, if shakily, and crossed the room to his bags.

“He says that’s the safest way to do it, but I’m going to run out of shirts at this rate.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe stood slowly. 

“He did…,” he answered truthfully, the implication settling in. Bertram had let it slip before, but hearing it from Myrdin himself and how casual and light he made it sound, had the opposite effect. In the few days they’ve known each other, they were each struck with an arrow. How many where there before? And how many would come after? 

Aloe knew the scorn of family, but the thought of being hunted made his heart ache every time. He touched his scar as he looked between Myrdin, sorting through his bag, and the shield Bertram loaned him. Would he even be of any use even if he was better equipped? He had to be. He told Bertram he would.

He was starting to share Myrdin’s anger for his family, regardless if Myrdin allowed him to or not. 

“I don’t want you to go through anymore shirts,” was all Aloe could bring himself to say, crossing his arms to keep himself from rushing Myrdin and embracing him.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pulled on something loose, just to be a little covered. He laughed wryly, anxiously rubbing at one of his arms.

“I don’t either, but my family hasn’t been giving me much choice in the matter.”

He couldn’t stop a pensive sadness from cutting into his voice. He was asking so much of Aloe to even be associated with him. But he didn’t want Aloe to leave either. Maybe he should say something…

“Aloe… I-”, he paused, trying to work up the courage, “I know I asked you to come with me, but… I can’t ask that in good conscience without making it perfectly clear how dangerous it is.”

The words started to spill out of him before he could stop them. But if he wasn’t honest, and something terrible happened as a result, he would never forgive himself.

“I won’t send you away, I can’t-,” he was surprised by how strongly he felt that, how badly he wanted Aloe to stay, “but I’m going to be attacked again. I can’t know when, or where, but they’ll find me.”

He couldn’t look Aloe in the eyes, his mind repeating the memory of Aloe getting hurt over and over.

“I want you to stay with me, to… be… with me, but I would never be upset with you for deciding it’s too much.”

[aloeviiera]

“Too much?” Aloe echoed. Already, he was taking large strides to reach Myrdin, throwing his arms around him from behind as he nuzzled against his back. Fear, concern, happiness, gratitude, sorrow– it all hit him at once and he buried himself between Myrdin’s shoulder blades, wanting to crawl in him and help carry his heavy heart. 

“Nothing would be too much.” He felt so wrong for feeling so happy to be wanted– and above all to be wanted by Myrdin– while Myrdin sounded so distraught. The dissonance nearly made him cry and his heart continued to ache for him.

He tried to urge Myrdin to turn, seeking Myrdin’s eyes as he put his hands on his shoulders. If he wanted to protect Myrdin, he had to rebuild the courage he lost.  He breathed in deeply before he stared intensely into Myrdin’s eyes as much as the other would allow.

“I w-want it, too. I want… you…” Aloe mumbled clumsily, his arms shaking, finding difficulty in expressing his wants, even if Myrdin allowed him to do so. “And I will leave only at your command. If you can’t tolerate me, I-I’ll… I’ll…” Aloe couldn’t finish, he didn’t even want to think of it. The pain of leaving home broke him and he wouldn’t survive being discarded a second time.

“To the ends of the universe, and beyond that, too. Please, let me stay.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin looked at Aloe with wide eyes as the Viera clung to him. The way he pleaded to stay, in spite of everything they’d already been through, in spite of the troubles that were certainly still to come. His frantic voice and hands trembling on Myrdin’s shoulders spoke directly to Myrdin’s heart. He grabbed Aloe’s face in his own gently shaking hands.

“Aloe, I’m not letting you stay,” he said quietly. He traced the scar on Aloe’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s your choice to stay. I don’t own you.”

He pulled Aloe in against his chest, pressing his face into the top of Aloe’s head. He felt like his heart was fit to burst. He couldn’t help letting some of that joy bleed into his voice. He could never ask Aloe to leave.

“But hearing that you want to stay,” he said, smiling against Aloe’s hair, “It honors me greatly that you would, even knowing the danger.”

[aloeviiera]

I don’t own you.

I don’t own you.

Aloe sank into Myrdin’s embrace unsure how he felt about the sentiment. It was both familiar and new, reminding him of his exile– no longer owned, no longer wanted– but giving him an unexpected sense of, what he supposed was, freedom. Myrdin’s gentle stroke against his scar only reminded him that the past didn’t want him back and they never expected him to have a future. They also never expected for Aloe to meet someone like Myrdin.

Freedom, choice. Aloe had to learn to adjust to it.

“Myrdin…” He wiggled out of Myrdin’s chest, still finding his voice. “You said I could ask anything of you.” It felt strange, so picked at Myrdin’s shirt.

“After we head South, would you like to eat by the pier with me again?” Aloe had such a good time then… before the hunters came.

And almost as to prove that Aloe was more than willing to face whatever dangers followed Myrdin, he mimicked Myrdin’s own nonchalance.

“No interruptions this time.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin felt his smile growing as Aloe went on. It was truly a sweet idea, to try again, to hopefully have a better time. He would have to make things right first, but it gave him even more to work towards. It was strange how such a small thing could make him happy. He laughed, feeling warm and light.

“Is that all? Of course we can do that, I would love to!” He grabbed one of Aloe’s hands, pressing his face against the back of it.

Myrdin didn’t know how else to let out some of his nervous energy, and being affectionate with Aloe came so easily. He laughed anxiously, intertwining their fingers together. Making plans that didn’t involve the more dire aspects of his life was felt strange and new.

“Once I do what I can to deal with the situation with my family, I’ll go anywhere with you. Anywhere you want.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe rarely thought about the future in this way. But every time, it excited him. He held Myrdin’s hands tightly, pushing against him and dragging him along childishly until they were practically waltzing in room. Aloe spouted off places he heard in passing, big cities, small towns, places he’s never seen, places he’s been before– rambling about the things they could do together, things he’d always wanted to do when he once fantasized about leaving for the city. Passerby would never guess beneath his gloomy disposition, Aloe was this much of a romantic. He was almost eager to deal with whatever needed to be dealt with.

“And then if you’re up for it we’d walk the shoreline of Costa Del Sol…. ah, I got carried away…” Aloe retreated slightly, looking away more out of embarrassment than anything else, but he didn’t shirk away from Myrdin and kept holding his hand. 

You make me really happy, he wanted to say. Is this too good to be true?

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin let himself be led around the room, following Aloe wherever his tangential thoughts led him. He looked so warm, so open as he spoke of the future. Myrdin couldn’t help smiling, even as darker thoughts began to boil up in the back of his mind.

Could he have this? Was it safe, or would they take this away from him too?

He gripped Aloe’s hand in reassurance when he seemed to realize he had gotten ahead of himself. Myrdin wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to reassure.

“It’s alright, that all sounds lovely,” he said warmly, and then added, a little more tense, “unfortunately where I’m headed next may not be so charming.”

He held Aloe’s hand in both of his then, thumbs tracing the back of it.

“You don’t know much of Amdapor, do you? Since you aren’t from around here?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe burrowed his flushed face into Myrdin’s chest, in part embarrassed by his ramblings, self-conscious of his ignorance, and the disappointing end to his fantasies. “No,” he mumbled apologetically against Myrdin. “You’re the first one I’ve met who has mentioned it.” 

Pulling back to speak clearly, he squeezed Myrdin’s hands back. “You may have many reasons to doubt me, but whatever you need of me, I’ll do all I can.” He lifted himself to his toes to plant a chaste kiss to the side of Myrdin’s mouth.  “You have all of me,” he reassured. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head to give Aloe a second, more lingering kiss, before pulling away. He smile felt tired, but it came easily.

“I have no cause to doubt you, but I don’t know if I have words for how much I appreciate that sentiment, Aloe.”

He went to his saddle bags and began pulling out rolled up maps and notes that he had borrowed from the conjurer’s guild (with a little smooth talking), and started spreading them out on the floor before Bertram’s hearth, talking as he went.

“Let me see if I can’t get us on the same page. I don’t exactly what my family is doing, but I think it involves some kind of black magic. They’re exactly the kind of people who would seek illicit means to gain more power. If that’s the case…”

He pointed to an fragile and tattered map showing the ancient city.

“Then what I need to counter that should be somewhere in here. White magic. Unfortunately the Padjals don’t teach that to anyone, but I feel that if I go here, to Amdapor… I should be able to find something that’ll help me.”

He was really trimming the fat of his explanation, but he Aloe seemed sharp, so he trusted him to know what he was getting at.

“Amdapor, historically, was the hub of white magic before that was banned, too. Technically, by going there, I’m breaking several Gridanian laws. But if it’ll give me what I need to stop them, I’m willing to do it. On top of all that, Bertram tells me that the city has become very dangerous over the last several years.”

Myrdin gestured to a few old drawings made by people who had explored the city, showing strange mold-like webbing clinging to crumbling stone. He looked back to Aloe, smiling at him.

“I trust you when you say you’ll do anything to help, but if you have any hesitance, I won’t begrudge you that.”

[aloeviiera]

The dreamy kiss-tinged expression dropped into that of complete focus and the fluttering feeling in his stomach faded as Myrdin unrolled his maps. Allowing himself to run his finger along the pages to keep up, Aloe studied them with great intent, burning he images into his mind and absorbing all Myrdin had to say. Unfamiliar words nibbled at him and he held onto some terminology and relinquished the ones to ask about later. Was Amdapor buried under ruin and legislation for public safety or did the Gridanians know something else lingered beneath the remains, he wondered. 

He leaned in over the drawings taking note of the strange details the explorers added, deliberate in their presentation rather than some artistic interpretation. Aloe absorbed fully into the pages before him, nearly blind to Myrdin’s gestures and expressions. 

As his eyes flicked from one scroll to the next. “The popularity of Amdapor’s magicks must’ve caused its downfall if it were banned,” he thought out loud, circling to the other side of Myrdin’s pile to study those too. 

Aloe let out a breath, troubled by the burden Myrdin endured because of the enigmatic sins of his family. “It does seem quite dangerous…” He paced around to ensure he didn’t miss a single detail. 

“Alright,” he moved back to Myrdin’s side, sliding an arm around Myrdin’s waist, eyeing the map one more time. “If this is all you have, then I should be prepared.” “We’ll be cautious,” he said, seriously.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin stretched slowly before leaning against Aloe with a sigh. His body was still aching and tired.

“I’ll be as cautious as someone looking for calamity-causing magicks could be,” he said with wry laugh.

He tipped his head on top of Aloe’s, nudging against one of his long lupine ears, as he looked at the parchment spread out around them. He felt both hesitant and eager, but most of all, relieved.

“I was prepared to enter these places on my own, but I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Having your help in this is invaluable, and will make the whole venture much safer, even if it’s still very dangerous.”

He paused, absorbing the comfort of having someone by his side. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it before.

“Once Bertram is back with Vayu, we should have time to reach Amdapor before I’m caught up with again. They’ll be unlikely to follow us into the city at the very least, unless forced.”

[aloeviiera]

Butterflies returned, fluttering about in his stomach. Aloe rarely liked the feeling of his ears being touched but he couldn’t help blush at the proximity of Myrdin’s face, imagining his lips nipping at the base of it. But more than that, the feeling of being a support to Myrdin’s weight as he leaned into him ignited something in his heart again. Yet it was quickly crushed by the sobering reality at hand. The hunters and Myrdin’s family are likely to find them– find Myrdin– again.

Aloe frowned at that. He hoped whatever Amdapor hid could free Myrdin in the end. “Until Bertram does return, perhaps you should get some more rest.” He rubbed the small of Myrdin’s back, urging him to return to the bed. 

“I saw some vegetables in the kitchen. Would Bertram mind too much if we helped ourselves? I can fix something up for you.” Aloe never thought himself much of a culinarian, but he could be resourceful when needed. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad, and Myrdin wouldn’t hate him for it. 

“Is there anything you dislike to eat?” he said, already making his way to the kitchen. He remembered Myrdin enjoyed flavorful, savory foods. 

He touched his ear and blushed. 

[myrdinisarrel]

“By all means, he won’t mind at all,” Myrdin said with a dismissive smile and a quiet laugh, “Bertram really likes cooking, so you can probably find anything you’d want if you dig around.”

Rather than laying down, Myrdin brushed off Aloe’s gentle guidance towards the bed, instead dragging a chair after Aloe. He ignored any concerned looks he might be receiving as made himself comfortable, leaning against the counter. He hummed thoughtfully at Aloe’s question, and then shrugged.

“Not really, no. I don’t think there’s anything wouldn’t eat,” he said, scratching the side of his neck pensively, “It’s actually a little embarrassing how long it took me to even enjoy food. But now I can usually find something to like about any dish.”

He rested his chin on a hand as he watched Aloe. He thought back to Aloe’s flood of questions the day before, and thought maybe it was fair for him to ask some of his own. He had an idea now that maybe the ways the had lived before meeting each other had more similarities than he would like… he would try to avoid touchier subjects.

“What about you? Things you don’t like? Or better yet, any favorites?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe gave Myrdin a small, playful pout as he made himself comfortable at the counter against Aloe’s recommendation. Myrdin proved to be a man who did what he pleased and Aloe couldn’t bring himself to deny him anything, even if he wanted. But he wouldn’t reject the company either if it meant they could stay closer for longer. 

With what he perceived as permission from Myrdin, he began rummaging through Bertram’s cupboards and drawers, discovering baskets and boxes filled with different ingredients as Myrdin suggested. Aloe found himself hoping for more moments like these, believing in the normalcy and peace. Both of them lived far from mundane lives, but if it could be like this, he wouldn’t mind it.

Maybe they would have a chance after Amdapor. A part of him knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but most of him prayed that it would be– not in fear of the dangers but in anticipation of the future. Their future. 

He continued to explore some unfamiliar spices and produce, touching and smelling them before placing them back in their spots even a little neater than how he found them. He considered the question seriously, taking some cucumber and tomatoes into his arms, placing them on the counter.  “I eat most things,” he said, truthfully, though his experience meant that most things consisted of whatever he could forage or hunt. It wasn’t until he stepped over to the continent that he was able to even consider an even greater assortment of foodstuff or even consider purchasing meals prepared for him. He had to remember to add eating at a restaurant to his mental list of places to go with Myrdin since Aloe had been too hesitant to experience one. He felt silly having never gone all this time.  Aloe picked up a pumpkin resting at the side of the counter, knocking his knuckles against it in thought. “Um…” he cowered behind the pumpkin as he picked it up, nearly crushing it in his grip. 

Quietly, he mumbled, “I’m fond of pastries.” And cakes. And cookies. And pies. He remembered Myrdin didn’t prefer them. so he slowly peeked behind the giant vegetable to gauge his expression. 

He felt like a child, ashamed to admit that he craved desserts often but repressed those along with all his other wants and wishes. 

“But I dont know how to make them.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head, watching Aloe with interest as he selected his ingredients. How do you even cook a pumpkin, really? The expression Aloe made when he spoke of pastries had guilty pleasure written across his face. He’d be willing to bet there was some kind of sweet baked goods in the pantry, already made.

“I don’t know how to make pastries either. Simple foods are difficult enough for me as it is, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

He carefully stood and padded over to Bertram’s pantry, rummaging around through jars of preserves and paper-wrapped things. Apparently he was driven to satisfy any of Aloe’s indulgences. He continued speaking over his shoulder.

“Do you like to cook too? I always wished I had learned how. If you like things burnt or undercooked, then I’m your man.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe chuckled. The sound was soft but genuine and full of joy. Not at Myrdin’s inability to cook but he laughed admiring Myrdin’s ability to make light of his own shortcomings. Everything Myrdin did– or didn’t do– seemed so radiant while the mere thought of admitting Aloe’s own failings, his deficiencies, terrified him. 

He started hacking away at the vegetables, making them bitesize but he frowned when they ended up asymmetrical. “I can’t imagine it being that bad,” he tried to reassure Myrdin. “But I’m sure you could learn pretty quickly if you wanted to.” He moved onto the pumpkin, giving it a resounding whack with one of Bertram’s heavier knives. He lacked the speed and precision of a trained culinarian but had remarkable strength in his svelte arms to cut straight through with little resistance. He carved out the seeds and continued to cut the pumpkin into pieces, operating carefully to not dull Bertram’s blades or dirty his kitchen, maintaining his workspace well. 

“I-I’m not sure if I hate it or like it myself,” he answered truthfully, stumbling over his thoughts. He liked this whatever this was, he supposed. As a child, he was used to eating alone at the hearth after everyone had their fill. Cooking came later when he was sent off alone. Desperation was the instructor and survival was the reward for learning to cook. 

“I suppose… I like cooking for others…” he said slowly, discovering his feelings on it in the moment. Cooking for someone else meant there was someone else. 

 “I can show you what I know if that’s something you’re interested in,” he said, putting everything into the pot.

[myrdinisarrel]

“Ha, you’re welcome to try, but don’t hold out too much hope for success.”

He doubted Aloe could do much for him, but Myrdin still smiled at the thought as he added, “But it would be fun to try.”

Myrdin carefully rifled through the wrapped goods near the front of the pantry shelves, opening the brown paper wrapping just enough to see what was inside before carefully closing them back. He opened one that seemed to have some kind of sweet iced biscuit inside. He took one out and gave it a tentative bite, finding that it had some kind of berry filling inside. Too sweet, but they were soft and chewy.

“Hm… I think you’ll like these,” he said, picking up the package.

He turned and brought it over to where Aloe was cooking. He leaned against the counter next to him, glancing into the pot for a moment. Whatever he was making smelled fantastic. Seeing that Aloe had his hands occupied, Myrdin took one of the biscuits out of the package and held it up for him to take a bite of, intending to feed him while he worked.

“Try some. I don’t think one or two will spoil your meal.”

He gave Aloe the sweetest, most innocent smile he could muster.

[aloeviiera]

An almost sweetly painful pang in his heart nearly caused him to collapse on the spot thanks to Myrdin’s irresistible smile. The inexplicable gravity of the Elezen’s  charm forced him to lean into the counter for support, trying with all his might to continue his task at hand while his legs threatened to buckle. He could smell sugar coming off from Myrdin’s fingertips and couldn’t resist taking a careful nibble, not before glancing at Myrdin once again for permission.

It didn’t take long for the sweetness to hit his tongue, dragging his mind back to the first time he landed on this continent, experiencing kindness that first time. He resisted an absolutely primitive moan that escaped as a satisfied sigh instead as the memory washed over him. Now, he was being fed by the most exquisite man he’s ever met. Desserts were truly magical. 

Eyes nearly sparkling, face reddened, and eyebrows upturned with pleasure, he brought a hand to cover his mouth to hide a dumb grin, pretending to chew thoughtfully despite having inhaled the bite. He stole another less delicate bite before he moved the pot over to the fire, returning quickly to finish off the biscuit he purposefully chiseled down to temper his craving. 

Before Myrdin could pull his hand away, Aloe gently grabbed his wrist, sucking lightly on his finger tips, licking off the stubborn crumbs and icing that stuck around.

And just as quickly, he turned his back to Myrdin, moving back to the pot to stir the vegetables before they started sizzling. He hid his enflamed face in the heat of the fire, channeling all his shaky energy into his stirring arm as he wondered why he did that. 

[myrdinisarrel]

A rapid, searing heat burned in the pit of his stomach as Aloe turned away from. The soft, inviting warmth of Aloe’s mouth had paralyzed for a moment too long, making him unable to act before it was gone. It took everything Myrdin had to not immediately try to feed him another, but regretfully chose restraint. Otherwise, he was likely to distract Aloe too much.

“Maybe I should learn how to bake,” he wondered aloud, unable to keep the smile out of his voice.

He returned to his seat, setting the package on the counter nearby in case Aloe wanted to grab another. He couldn’t help bringing the chair a touch closer. The heat boiling within him had yet to go away, and he wanted to be close, but he didn’t want to get in Aloe’s way.

“You like cooking and sweets, but do you have any other growing interests? We could explore them together sometime.”

[aloeviiera]

Relief washed over him and Myrdin didn’t seem too bothered by his impulse, even seemingly enjoying it. But as he continued to supervise the fire and Myrdin continued to ask him about his interests, a strange feeling of being exposed ate at him. 

He soothed himself, rubbing warmth back into his arms that grew cold with Myrdin’s growing curiosity. Not unpleasant, but nerve-wracking. He feared answering incorrectly, but couldn’t sense a right answer to begin with. He found being uncovered– no, discovered– both exhilarating and exhausting. Though, chatting came easy and unrehearsed with Myrdin, learning about himself alongside him was a journey he didn’t realize he was taking and was wholly unprepared for. 

He kept his back turned to Myrdin, and at this point was over-stirring. Focus pulled Aloe’s mouth into a frown. What were his other interests now that he had the freedom to pursue them? The lack of experiences plagued him. Suddenly, he remembered the peace of weaving and tailoring as a kit, but those short-lived endeavors saddened him, so he wouldn’t mention that now.  

Realizing he had yet to respond, he hunted for the biscuits Myrdin placed on the counter, putting another in his mouth almost as an excuse not to speak while he sought an answer to his question. He was too embarrassed to be without one.

He supposed he had at least one growing interest…

He turned to Myrdin, looking down at the seated man with darkened, hungry eyes, hypnotized and unaware. Aloe brushed the crumbs from his lips with his thumb thinking about how Myrdin’s fingers felt against his mouth. He definitely wanted to do some kind of exploring together when Myrdin was fully healed.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin met Aloe’s stare with another sweet, mostly innocent smile. It was clear their thoughts were the same, and he was so internally frustrated that he had to try and rest. His mind was full of what-ifs and justifications and promises to be careful that he couldn’t voice, but he had to put them out of his mind. He knew that he couldn’t trust himself to do any of that.

Instead, he tried to dial his mind back to Aloe’s previous discomfort, to try and untangle it. Myrdin didn’t think that he himself would have solid answers to his own questions, so maybe it was the same for Aloe. It was hard to know which subjects were sensitive, but honestly he didn’t care what they talked about as long as he got to talk to Aloe more.

He let his eyes deliberately follow Aloe’s thumb as it traced his lips before meeting Aloe’s eyes and saying sweetly, “Don’t stare too long or you might burn your food. What are you making by the way?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe blinked away his fantasies, slapping the rest of the biscuits far from him across the counter. Frantically, he spun on his heels searching for his lost senses and composure and failing to remember what he was working on. He felt like a criminal, caught amidst the crime. 

Right. Food. He nearly split Bertram’s wooden spoon in two, gripping it as he stirred vigorously to prevent the vegetables from sticking to the bottom. He exhaled with relief, the dish was mostly saved. 

His voice had a slight tremble, shame lingering. “It’s not too unlike what Bertram prepared for us, I think. Nor is it very beautiful, but it should help you heal… faster.” 

His own mind betrayed him. “N-not for any particular reason other than to get you on your back– I mean get you back on your feet!” 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin’s eyes widened in surprise, before his mind in unfroze and confirmed that he had indeed heard correctly. The kitchen felt suddenly incredibly warm, and he couldn’t suppress the nervous laugh that bubbled out of him. Aloe looked mortified, and he might’ve felt the same if he’d let a statement like that slip. But he couldn’t deny the heat coiling within him at how good it felt to know with certainty that he was desired.

“Well, I hope it helps as you say.”

He feigned calm, carefully looking at his nails. Hopefully he wasn’t being too teasing, too nonchalant. He really enjoyed flirting with Aloe, liked making him flustered.

“I’d like to be healed and on my back… I mean my feet, as soon as possible.”

He spoke slowly and deliberately, mirroring Aloe’s mistake in a way that was anything but accidental.

[aloeviiera]

Aloe was not one for prayer. Given how he lived most of his life a spiritless puppet designed only to suffer, prayer worked little for him. But he found himself praying that Myrdin hadn’t heard Aloe’s mistake. And as before, prayer did nothing. And thus, his suffering continued. 

Aloe covered his face with his hands, reddened in every exposed part of him. Each word Myrdin spout out became too overwhelming to hear again. Even though Myrdin didn’t sound upset, Aloe feared that Myrdin would now see Aloe as someone who thought of only thought of him like that. 

He wanted to apologize but instead of a cool and winning explanation, he let out a whimper that sounded like he was on the verge of tears, which embarrassed him even more. He sunk further to the ground, where at least if embarrassment did actually kill him, the fall would be less dramatic. But it only made Aloe worry that Bertram would be left to clean up his body, so he couldn’t let that kill him.

“I’m sorry,” Aloe mumbled against his knees tucked into his chest, almost indecipherable with how tightly wound up he was. He was not going to survive if Amdapor was going to be like this. “I like you and I can’t stop making a fool of myself.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin smiled when Aloe blushed and covered his face, but it quickly fell when he heard the distressed sound and watched Aloe sink to the floor. He suddenly felt cold and heavy inside. Had he pushed to far? Had he touched on nerve he was unaware of?

“H-hey, hang on-”, he said as he pushed himself up from the chair, grimacing at his sore muscles but forced his body through it.

He knelt carefully near Aloe, hands hovering around him, unsure if it would be alright to touch him. From this vantage he could hear Aloe’s mumbling, and it plucked at a tender cord in his heart. He gently circled his arms around Aloe. It was almost too easy with how small he was trying to make himself.

“No, it’s I who should be sorry,” he smiled ruefully, pressing his face into Aloe’s hair.

“I like you very much, and thought it was adorable how flustered you were. A bit of fun gone too far. If you’re a fool for saying what we’re both thinking, then we can be fools together.”

[aloeviiera]

If it were even possible, Aloe curled into an even tighter ball against Myrdin’s dizzying kindness, stabilizing himself by rolling just slightly into his embrace. Although it wasn’t much fun for Aloe, he found he didn’t hate it either. The past two-odd summers proved difficult for Aloe to feel very competent in anything despite his best efforts. Yet Myrdin seemed to lure out his imperfections, welcomed it even, meeting him with reward– this kind embrace– rather than punishment.  

He let himself drown in Myrdin’s softened tone, comforted by the feel of him breathing into his hair. The words were simple, monosyllabic, and easy to understand, but he refused to unfurl, selfishly hanging onto them. He wanted to hear them again. And again. And again.  “I couldn’t hear you,” he pouted, wily, as he peaked his good eye between his fingers at Myrdin.   

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin leaned back to look at Aloe, raising a skeptical brow. Close as they were, it was difficult to believe. But then, where would be the harm in repeating himself regardless of whether Aloe had heard him or not.

“Is that so? Let me try again then.”

He leaned back in, wrapping Aloe in his arms even closer than before. He tilted his head to put his mouth close to the base of one of Aloe’s ears, lips barely brushing soft flesh and fur. Only to be guaranteed that he was heard well, of course.

“I said I like you very much, Aloe.”

He kept his voice low and soft, barely above a whisper. It wouldn’t do to harm him by being too loud.

“I’m sorry for teasing, but you aren’t a fool to me. I enjoy your company, and I long for more of it.”

Myrdin hoped that the sincerity he put into every word shone through. He wasn’t simply being playful. He pressed a kiss to Aloe’s head just below his ear before adding, “Unfortunately, this cooking pot might need to take your attention from me for now.”

[aloeviiera]

The whispered vibrations sent a gratifying chill down Aloe’s spine and oh…. he liked that. Frozen still by the meaning behind Myrdin’s words yet melting at his touch, Aloe gripped lightly at the front of the other man’s shirt as if to pull him even closer still, sneaking a quick kiss against Myrdin’s jaw. Each passing moment with him provided Aloe with new sensations he continuously tried to wrap his head around. He felt so light despite his nerves shackling him to his past. 

Aloe never hated a bubbling pot of food more than in that moment. As he unwound himself to stand, he guided Myrdin with him, rubbing his sides as a gesture of gratitude and unspoken regret, reluctant to let go. He felt both shame and pleasure for acting so childish, but relished that Myrdin willingly indulged him.  “It should be done,” Aloe sighed almost bitterly. He gestured to the table, “I’ll bring you a bowl.” 

Aloe inspected the stew once more, giving it a light taste test. It seemed fine enough, the tomatoes were cooked down as intended and the pumpkin was perfectly soft even if he failed to cut them all the same size. Aloe served up two bowls and brought them to the table. 

He starred at Myrdin awaiting his assessment.    

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin snuck in another quick kiss to the top of Aloe’s head before shuffling off to sit down at the dining table and wait. He rested his chin on his hands, closing his eyes and thinking wistfully about the strangely domestic situation he found himself in. Is this why people choose to live together? He felt only a little restless, but maybe someday that feeling would ease.

His attention turned to the present as Aloe set a bowl in front of him and sat next to him. He gave Aloe a warm smile and quiet thanks as he picked up the spoon. He took a delicate bite, making a pleased hum as he did. It was warm, homey, comforting, with a gentle savory flavor. He didn’t think he’d ever eaten pumpkin before, but he could safely say that he liked it as he went in for a second bite. He was halfway to a third when he noticed Aloe staring at him. He laughed a little nervously under the scrutiny.

“I was afraid that I was going to ruin it by distracting you, but this is delicious.”

He took another bite, chewing thoughtfully. He was almost envious that Aloe could just make something like this just digging around in Bertram’s kitchen. He wouldn’t have known where to start.

“If cooking for others is something you’re interested in, then I’d be happy to help you with that hobby,” he said, smiling warmly.

[aloeviiera]

A satisfied sigh escaped Aloe’s lips with Myrdin’s compliment. He then felt comfortable to eat from his own bowl, taking peeks at Myrdin just to be doubly sure he was enjoying the meal.

“I’ll cook for you,” Aloe declared, simply but maybe too eagerly. “But perhaps if you tire of it, we can go somewhere and eat there. Together. Once in a while. Maybe.” He smiled too, while chasing one of his poorly chopped pumpkin pieces around his bowl. It wasn’t quite a request, but he felt a small tinge of self-pride for being able to suggest such an idea. He’ll work on the delivery next time.   

Whenever either of them stopped talking, Aloe’s thoughts continued to turn, bubbling up like his mind was boiling. Sometimes good thoughts, sometimes bad, but most often than not relentless. In this moment, he couldn’t help but replay the experiences they shared thus far. From their inebriated antics to waking up in Gridania’s Inn then followed by their harrowing journey here, their limited time together felt longer than reality. And yet, sitting here eating together felt natural like they’ve known each other for several lifetimes. 

Realistically, Aloe didn’t know Myrdin well at all. 

“Do you have anything like that? A-a hobby or an interest, I mean. Your healing ability is impressive, but maybe conjuring isn’t considered the same as a hobby–,” his bit his lip to stop his rambling. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin sat up more stiffly, feeling put on the spot. His magical abilities were both a special interest of his, but also had a bit of tangled history in his mind. It was a fair question though. He’d been hassling Aloe about his interests all morning, it was only fair. He hurriedly took another bite, to give himself extra time to best decide how to answer.

“Actually,” he said, with a laugh more nervous than he intended, “conjuration is something of a hobby.”

Aloe wouldn’t judge him for his more poignant failings, he supposed. Why should he be embarrassed? He shook it off as he swallowed another bite.

“I mostly taught myself, once I found that it came easy to me. I was trained in other forms of magic, but I honestly I’m dreadful at them. My parents actually gave up teaching me magic all together and had me trained in archery by the Knights instead… not that particularly excelled at that either.”

He actually laughed at that. They were so hung up on the right forms of power, that they brushed off anything they considered a waste of time.

“When I learned of magic that borrowed from the land, a gift from nature, I couldn’t help being interested. Especially once I learned the ways that magic like that could be used to help people…”

He trailed off, recalling all the ways he’d been told that helping those beneath him was also a waste of time.

[aloeviiera]

Admiration for Myrdin’s answer stopped Aloe from eating all together as he folded his hands in his lap, listening intently. Even his dulled eye sparkled with interest, enamored by Myrdin’s ability to pursue foreign arts. 

“I think that’s incredible,” he let out a dreamy sigh, then sat upright remembering himself. Aloe felt like he had to explain further, so he continued. “My elders would say I had some notable ability in things I didn’t care much for...” Those escaped thoughts made him wince. The elders and masters would have declared that Aloe was acting selfishly and ungratefully. 

Aloe had to pause to remind himself that they weren’t around as he wrung his hands. “I can’t imagine having the courage to pursue something like that alone and I think you’re incredible for it.” He found himself inspired by Myrdin’s resolve and kindness, driven to help others. 

“It seems like your abilities are borrowed from something not unlike the Green Word,” he mused mostly to himself. Catching Myrdin’s gaze, he became flustered. “Ah-- that is, um, maybe the word is ‘elementals’ here? I’m not sure. They seem kinder than her, though,” he laughed. He actually laughed, feeling a strange sense of freedom in his disrespect. Perhaps this was something he was picking up from Myrdin as well.

He cleared his throat, face flushed, and breaking eye contact. “Does that mean you hear their voice?”    

[aloeviiera]

Amdapor is For Lovers (Part II) | @myrdinisarrel

[Part 1 here]

—————-

Sunlight found its way through the crack in the wall, breaking past the mossy blanket safeguarding Bertram’s home. As the room began to brighten, Aloe stirred. He was too warm, too comfortable, too spent, to get up immediately, that he dozed in an out again before his body started to ache, molded into the bed. 

He leaned on one elbow, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with a numbed hand slowly regaining life. They moved around in the night and it seemed Aloe’s arm found its way under Myrdin’s head. He shook out his wrist smiling at the pleasurable pain. 

He took in Myrdin’s sleeping form, absorbing the joy of waking next to him, before he gently peeled himself from the bed as quiet as possible. He examined Myrdin’s bandages before pulling the blanket over him, tucking him in so gently with a nervous hand and a full heart. 

You can ask anything of me, Aloe remembered hearing. He bent over to clean up the mess they made last night also in part to hide from the overwhelming sensation that invaded his heart. It was a gift he did not want to take for granted. He hoped it wasn’t a dream.

The thought of this being some fabricated affair, some kind of ploy, petrified him as he walked into Bertram’s kitchen. How long he stood there with his mind and heart at war, he didn’t know. The warm air of the cottage suddenly grew cold, and he returned to Myrdin’s bedside to put on the shirt Myrdin’s loaned him. He played with the hem to convince himself that this was real. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin was walking through miles of cold, dark stone, a twisting labyrinth he couldn’t make sense of. He was walking fast, his hand brushing the wall to help guide him in the darkness. Something was echoing in the corridors behind him, chasing after. It was gaining, and his heart was pounding. He tried to run, but something grabbed his collar, snatching him backwards. A soft feminine voice whispered in his ear, ‘You can’t run forever, Myrdin.’

He sat up with a gasp, drenched in a cold sweat. The memories of the cold stone and malevolent whispers started to evaporate like smoke, the way dreams tended to. He winced at the twinge of pain in his shoulder. He took a steadying breath, trying to still the hammering of his heart in his chest, to release it from the grip of fear. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, wiping the sweat away before opening his eyes.

Aloe sat nearby, once again dressed in Myrdin’s shirt, toying with the hem of it. He started to feel more at ease at the sight of him, even as he blushed at the memory of their conversation before sleep last night. Myrdin gave him a pensive smile.

“Good morning,” He half-mumbled, still a little groggy.

[aloeviiera]

It was Myrdin’s voice that pulled Aloe from his thoughts. Yet again, Myrdin was an anchor amidst the disquiet. Half startled and half delighted, Aloe moved to kneel beside the bed, eager to occupy, but not quite touching, Myrdin’s space. 

Aloe did notice a slight sobriety in Myrdin’s tone but was unsure if it’s simply due to the morning or something else. Was it Myrdin’s shoulder? Aloe still wasn’t convinced that wasn’t his fault. Did their sleeping position aggravate it? Aloe was to blame for that, too. Or maybe cleaning in the morning disrupted him. Aloe should have waited. 

As those thoughts wracked his mind, he turned his face away in shame, hoping to fix this somehow.

“How are you feeling? Did I wake you?” He managed to say, eyes already begging for forgiveness.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin shook himself a little, the haze of sleep clearing a little more. He actually felt quite well rested, if out of sorts.

“No, it wasn’t you,” he said, carefully stretching, “I may have sat up too quickly, but otherwise I feel well.”

He looked down at Aloe. Down? He tilted his head, now noticing that Aloe was on the floor next to him. He looked… deeply apologetic. Was that just his default expression? Or did he genuinely think he had something to apologize for? What could he have possibly done wrong in the mere minutes that Myrdin had been awake?

Myrdin carefully lowered himself on his good side to be closer to Aloe’s eye level, resting his head on his arm. He smiled still, even though he was quite confused. He reached out to gently brush Aloe’s hair away from his un-scarred eye.

“Why are you on the floor?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe had too many answers to offer but said nothing as he could only hold his breath as Myrdin moved in closer. Myrdin’s angelic smile washed away some of Aloe’s guilt as he stared through his good eye, hair brushed aside like a curtain. 

Even after last night… and the night before… and the night before that… Aloe still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. But Myrdin’s words from last night pushed away the thoughts that plagued Aloe in the morning and the thoughts he struggled to sort through now. Filled with an inexplicable, overwhelming feeling, Aloe sprang up on his knees to give Myrdin a sly yet sheepish peck on his lips, his hands gripping the sheets as he did so. 

“So I can do that,” he answered daringly, as he pulled away, his fingers nearly tearing holes into the bedsheets.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pressed his fingers to his lips, surprised, when Aloe pulled away. It was obvious that that wasn’t exactly the truth, but his adorable-yet-nervous expression was hard to argue with.

“If you say so,” he said, giving Aloe a coy smile.

He shifted slowly, bringing himself to sit on the edge of the bed next to Aloe. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Aloe’s cheek, next to the scar that marred it. It seemed uncouth to say that it made him more attractive, not knowing how he was injured, so he chose to keep that thought to himself for the time being. He carefully rose to his feet and glanced around, and then scoffed in annoyance.

“Did Bertram cut up one of my shirts again?” he muttered.

He was able to walk alright, if shakily, and crossed the room to his bags.

“He says that’s the safest way to do it, but I’m going to run out of shirts at this rate.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe stood slowly. 

“He did…,” he answered truthfully, the implication settling in. Bertram had let it slip before, but hearing it from Myrdin himself and how casual and light he made it sound, had the opposite effect. In the few days they’ve known each other, they were each struck with an arrow. How many where there before? And how many would come after? 

Aloe knew the scorn of family, but the thought of being hunted made his heart ache every time. He touched his scar as he looked between Myrdin, sorting through his bag, and the shield Bertram loaned him. Would he even be of any use even if he was better equipped? He had to be. He told Bertram he would.

He was starting to share Myrdin’s anger for his family, regardless if Myrdin allowed him to or not. 

“I don’t want you to go through anymore shirts,” was all Aloe could bring himself to say, crossing his arms to keep himself from rushing Myrdin and embracing him.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pulled on something loose, just to be a little covered. He laughed wryly, anxiously rubbing at one of his arms.

“I don’t either, but my family hasn’t been giving me much choice in the matter.”

He couldn’t stop a pensive sadness from cutting into his voice. He was asking so much of Aloe to even be associated with him. But he didn’t want Aloe to leave either. Maybe he should say something…

“Aloe… I-”, he paused, trying to work up the courage, “I know I asked you to come with me, but… I can’t ask that in good conscience without making it perfectly clear how dangerous it is.”

The words started to spill out of him before he could stop them. But if he wasn’t honest, and something terrible happened as a result, he would never forgive himself.

“I won’t send you away, I can’t-,” he was surprised by how strongly he felt that, how badly he wanted Aloe to stay, “but I’m going to be attacked again. I can’t know when, or where, but they’ll find me.”

He couldn’t look Aloe in the eyes, his mind repeating the memory of Aloe getting hurt over and over.

“I want you to stay with me, to… be… with me, but I would never be upset with you for deciding it’s too much.”

[aloeviiera]

“Too much?” Aloe echoed. Already, he was taking large strides to reach Myrdin, throwing his arms around him from behind as he nuzzled against his back. Fear, concern, happiness, gratitude, sorrow– it all hit him at once and he buried himself between Myrdin’s shoulder blades, wanting to crawl in him and help carry his heavy heart. 

“Nothing would be too much.” He felt so wrong for feeling so happy to be wanted– and above all to be wanted by Myrdin– while Myrdin sounded so distraught. The dissonance nearly made him cry and his heart continued to ache for him.

He tried to urge Myrdin to turn, seeking Myrdin’s eyes as he put his hands on his shoulders. If he wanted to protect Myrdin, he had to rebuild the courage he lost.  He breathed in deeply before he stared intensely into Myrdin’s eyes as much as the other would allow.

“I w-want it, too. I want… you…” Aloe mumbled clumsily, his arms shaking, finding difficulty in expressing his wants, even if Myrdin allowed him to do so. “And I will leave only at your command. If you can’t tolerate me, I-I’ll… I’ll…” Aloe couldn’t finish, he didn’t even want to think of it. The pain of leaving home broke him and he wouldn’t survive being discarded a second time.

“To the ends of the universe, and beyond that, too. Please, let me stay.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin looked at Aloe with wide eyes as the Viera clung to him. The way he pleaded to stay, in spite of everything they’d already been through, in spite of the troubles that were certainly still to come. His frantic voice and hands trembling on Myrdin’s shoulders spoke directly to Myrdin’s heart. He grabbed Aloe’s face in his own gently shaking hands.

“Aloe, I’m not letting you stay,” he said quietly. He traced the scar on Aloe’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s your choice to stay. I don’t own you.”

He pulled Aloe in against his chest, pressing his face into the top of Aloe’s head. He felt like his heart was fit to burst. He couldn’t help letting some of that joy bleed into his voice. He could never ask Aloe to leave.

“But hearing that you want to stay,” he said, smiling against Aloe’s hair, “It honors me greatly that you would, even knowing the danger.”

[aloeviiera]

I don’t own you.

I don’t own you.

Aloe sank into Myrdin’s embrace unsure how he felt about the sentiment. It was both familiar and new, reminding him of his exile– no longer owned, no longer wanted– but giving him an unexpected sense of, what he supposed was, freedom. Myrdin’s gentle stroke against his scar only reminded him that the past didn’t want him back and they never expected him to have a future. They also never expected for Aloe to meet someone like Myrdin.

Freedom, choice. Aloe had to learn to adjust to it.

“Myrdin…” He wiggled out of Myrdin’s chest, still finding his voice. “You said I could ask anything of you.” It felt strange, so picked at Myrdin’s shirt.

“After we head South, would you like to eat by the pier with me again?” Aloe had such a good time then… before the hunters came.

And almost as to prove that Aloe was more than willing to face whatever dangers followed Myrdin, he mimicked Myrdin’s own nonchalance.

“No interruptions this time.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin felt his smile growing as Aloe went on. It was truly a sweet idea, to try again, to hopefully have a better time. He would have to make things right first, but it gave him even more to work towards. It was strange how such a small thing could make him happy. He laughed, feeling warm and light.

“Is that all? Of course we can do that, I would love to!” He grabbed one of Aloe’s hands, pressing his face against the back of it.

Myrdin didn’t know how else to let out some of his nervous energy, and being affectionate with Aloe came so easily. He laughed anxiously, intertwining their fingers together. Making plans that didn’t involve the more dire aspects of his life was felt strange and new.

“Once I do what I can to deal with the situation with my family, I’ll go anywhere with you. Anywhere you want.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe rarely thought about the future in this way. But every time, it excited him. He held Myrdin’s hands tightly, pushing against him and dragging him along childishly until they were practically waltzing in room. Aloe spouted off places he heard in passing, big cities, small towns, places he’s never seen, places he’s been before– rambling about the things they could do together, things he’d always wanted to do when he once fantasized about leaving for the city. Passerby would never guess beneath his gloomy disposition, Aloe was this much of a romantic. He was almost eager to deal with whatever needed to be dealt with.

“And then if you’re up for it we’d walk the shoreline of Costa Del Sol…. ah, I got carried away…” Aloe retreated slightly, looking away more out of embarrassment than anything else, but he didn’t shirk away from Myrdin and kept holding his hand. 

You make me really happy, he wanted to say. Is this too good to be true?

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin let himself be led around the room, following Aloe wherever his tangential thoughts led him. He looked so warm, so open as he spoke of the future. Myrdin couldn’t help smiling, even as darker thoughts began to boil up in the back of his mind.

Could he have this? Was it safe, or would they take this away from him too?

He gripped Aloe’s hand in reassurance when he seemed to realize he had gotten ahead of himself. Myrdin wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to reassure.

“It’s alright, that all sounds lovely,” he said warmly, and then added, a little more tense, “unfortunately where I’m headed next may not be so charming.”

He held Aloe’s hand in both of his then, thumbs tracing the back of it.

“You don’t know much of Amdapor, do you? Since you aren’t from around here?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe burrowed his flushed face into Myrdin’s chest, in part embarrassed by his ramblings, self-conscious of his ignorance, and the disappointing end to his fantasies. “No,” he mumbled apologetically against Myrdin. “You’re the first one I’ve met who has mentioned it.” 

Pulling back to speak clearly, he squeezed Myrdin’s hands back. “You may have many reasons to doubt me, but whatever you need of me, I’ll do all I can.” He lifted himself to his toes to plant a chaste kiss to the side of Myrdin’s mouth.  “You have all of me,” he reassured. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head to give Aloe a second, more lingering kiss, before pulling away. He smile felt tired, but it came easily.

“I have no cause to doubt you, but I don’t know if I have words for how much I appreciate that sentiment, Aloe.”

He went to his saddle bags and began pulling out rolled up maps and notes that he had borrowed from the conjurer’s guild (with a little smooth talking), and started spreading them out on the floor before Bertram’s hearth, talking as he went.

“Let me see if I can’t get us on the same page. I don’t exactly what my family is doing, but I think it involves some kind of black magic. They’re exactly the kind of people who would seek illicit means to gain more power. If that’s the case…”

He pointed to an fragile and tattered map showing the ancient city.

“Then what I need to counter that should be somewhere in here. White magic. Unfortunately the Padjals don’t teach that to anyone, but I feel that if I go here, to Amdapor… I should be able to find something that’ll help me.”

He was really trimming the fat of his explanation, but he Aloe seemed sharp, so he trusted him to know what he was getting at.

“Amdapor, historically, was the hub of white magic before that was banned, too. Technically, by going there, I’m breaking several Gridanian laws. But if it’ll give me what I need to stop them, I’m willing to do it. On top of all that, Bertram tells me that the city has become very dangerous over the last several years.”

Myrdin gestured to a few old drawings made by people who had explored the city, showing strange mold-like webbing clinging to crumbling stone. He looked back to Aloe, smiling at him.

“I trust you when you say you’ll do anything to help, but if you have any hesitance, I won’t begrudge you that.”

[aloeviiera]

The dreamy kiss-tinged expression dropped into that of complete focus and the fluttering feeling in his stomach faded as Myrdin unrolled his maps. Allowing himself to run his finger along the pages to keep up, Aloe studied them with great intent, burning he images into his mind and absorbing all Myrdin had to say. Unfamiliar words nibbled at him and he held onto some terminology and relinquished the ones to ask about later. Was Amdapor buried under ruin and legislation for public safety or did the Gridanians know something else lingered beneath the remains, he wondered. 

He leaned in over the drawings taking note of the strange details the explorers added, deliberate in their presentation rather than some artistic interpretation. Aloe absorbed fully into the pages before him, nearly blind to Myrdin’s gestures and expressions. 

As his eyes flicked from one scroll to the next. “The popularity of Amdapor’s magicks must’ve caused its downfall if it were banned,” he thought out loud, circling to the other side of Myrdin’s pile to study those too. 

Aloe let out a breath, troubled by the burden Myrdin endured because of the enigmatic sins of his family. “It does seem quite dangerous…” He paced around to ensure he didn’t miss a single detail. 

“Alright,” he moved back to Myrdin’s side, sliding an arm around Myrdin’s waist, eyeing the map one more time. “If this is all you have, then I should be prepared.” “We’ll be cautious,” he said, seriously.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin stretched slowly before leaning against Aloe with a sigh. His body was still aching and tired.

“I’ll be as cautious as someone looking for calamity-causing magicks could be,” he said with wry laugh.

He tipped his head on top of Aloe’s, nudging against one of his long lupine ears, as he looked at the parchment spread out around them. He felt both hesitant and eager, but most of all, relieved.

“I was prepared to enter these places on my own, but I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Having your help in this is invaluable, and will make the whole venture much safer, even if it’s still very dangerous.”

He paused, absorbing the comfort of having someone by his side. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it before.

“Once Bertram is back with Vayu, we should have time to reach Amdapor before I’m caught up with again. They’ll be unlikely to follow us into the city at the very least, unless forced.”

[aloeviiera]

Butterflies returned, fluttering about in his stomach. Aloe rarely liked the feeling of his ears being touched but he couldn’t help blush at the proximity of Myrdin’s face, imagining his lips nipping at the base of it. But more than that, the feeling of being a support to Myrdin’s weight as he leaned into him ignited something in his heart again. Yet it was quickly crushed by the sobering reality at hand. The hunters and Myrdin’s family are likely to find them– find Myrdin– again.

Aloe frowned at that. He hoped whatever Amdapor hid could free Myrdin in the end. “Until Bertram does return, perhaps you should get some more rest.” He rubbed the small of Myrdin’s back, urging him to return to the bed. 

“I saw some vegetables in the kitchen. Would Bertram mind too much if we helped ourselves? I can fix something up for you.” Aloe never thought himself much of a culinarian, but he could be resourceful when needed. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad, and Myrdin wouldn’t hate him for it. 

“Is there anything you dislike to eat?” he said, already making his way to the kitchen. He remembered Myrdin enjoyed flavorful, savory foods. 

He touched his ear and blushed. 

[myrdinisarrel]

“By all means, he won’t mind at all,” Myrdin said with a dismissive smile and a quiet laugh, “Bertram really likes cooking, so you can probably find anything you’d want if you dig around.”

Rather than laying down, Myrdin brushed off Aloe’s gentle guidance towards the bed, instead dragging a chair after Aloe. He ignored any concerned looks he might be receiving as made himself comfortable, leaning against the counter. He hummed thoughtfully at Aloe’s question, and then shrugged.

“Not really, no. I don’t think there’s anything wouldn’t eat,” he said, scratching the side of his neck pensively, “It’s actually a little embarrassing how long it took me to even enjoy food. But now I can usually find something to like about any dish.”

He rested his chin on a hand as he watched Aloe. He thought back to Aloe’s flood of questions the day before, and thought maybe it was fair for him to ask some of his own. He had an idea now that maybe the ways the had lived before meeting each other had more similarities than he would like… he would try to avoid touchier subjects.

“What about you? Things you don’t like? Or better yet, any favorites?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe gave Myrdin a small, playful pout as he made himself comfortable at the counter against Aloe’s recommendation. Myrdin proved to be a man who did what he pleased and Aloe couldn’t bring himself to deny him anything, even if he wanted. But he wouldn’t reject the company either if it meant they could stay closer for longer. 

With what he perceived as permission from Myrdin, he began rummaging through Bertram’s cupboards and drawers, discovering baskets and boxes filled with different ingredients as Myrdin suggested. Aloe found himself hoping for more moments like these, believing in the normalcy and peace. Both of them lived far from mundane lives, but if it could be like this, he wouldn’t mind it.

Maybe they would have a chance after Amdapor. A part of him knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but most of him prayed that it would be– not in fear of the dangers but in anticipation of the future. Their future. 

He continued to explore some unfamiliar spices and produce, touching and smelling them before placing them back in their spots even a little neater than how he found them. He considered the question seriously, taking some cucumber and tomatoes into his arms, placing them on the counter.  “I eat most things,” he said, truthfully, though his experience meant that most things consisted of whatever he could forage or hunt. It wasn’t until he stepped over to the continent that he was able to even consider an even greater assortment of foodstuff or even consider purchasing meals prepared for him. He had to remember to add eating at a restaurant to his mental list of places to go with Myrdin since Aloe had been too hesitant to experience one. He felt silly having never gone all this time.  Aloe picked up a pumpkin resting at the side of the counter, knocking his knuckles against it in thought. “Um…” he cowered behind the pumpkin as he picked it up, nearly crushing it in his grip. 

Quietly, he mumbled, “I’m fond of pastries.” And cakes. And cookies. And pies. He remembered Myrdin didn’t prefer them. so he slowly peeked behind the giant vegetable to gauge his expression. 

He felt like a child, ashamed to admit that he craved desserts often but repressed those along with all his other wants and wishes. 

“But I dont know how to make them.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head, watching Aloe with interest as he selected his ingredients. How do you even cook a pumpkin, really? The expression Aloe made when he spoke of pastries had guilty pleasure written across his face. He’d be willing to bet there was some kind of sweet baked goods in the pantry, already made.

“I don’t know how to make pastries either. Simple foods are difficult enough for me as it is, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

He carefully stood and padded over to Bertram’s pantry, rummaging around through jars of preserves and paper-wrapped things. Apparently he was driven to satisfy any of Aloe’s indulgences. He continued speaking over his shoulder.

“Do you like to cook too? I always wished I had learned how. If you like things burnt or undercooked, then I’m your man.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe chuckled. The sound was soft but genuine and full of joy. Not at Myrdin’s inability to cook but he laughed admiring Myrdin’s ability to make light of his own shortcomings. Everything Myrdin did– or didn’t do– seemed so radiant while the mere thought of admitting Aloe’s own failings, his deficiencies, terrified him. 

He started hacking away at the vegetables, making them bitesize but he frowned when they ended up asymmetrical. “I can’t imagine it being that bad,” he tried to reassure Myrdin. “But I’m sure you could learn pretty quickly if you wanted to.” He moved onto the pumpkin, giving it a resounding whack with one of Bertram’s heavier knives. He lacked the speed and precision of a trained culinarian but had remarkable strength in his svelte arms to cut straight through with little resistance. He carved out the seeds and continued to cut the pumpkin into pieces, operating carefully to not dull Bertram’s blades or dirty his kitchen, maintaining his workspace well. 

“I-I’m not sure if I hate it or like it myself,” he answered truthfully, stumbling over his thoughts. He liked this whatever this was, he supposed. As a child, he was used to eating alone at the hearth after everyone had their fill. Cooking came later when he was sent off alone. Desperation was the instructor and survival was the reward for learning to cook. 

“I suppose… I like cooking for others…” he said slowly, discovering his feelings on it in the moment. Cooking for someone else meant there was someone else. 

 “I can show you what I know if that’s something you’re interested in,” he said, putting everything into the pot.

[myrdinisarrel]

“Ha, you’re welcome to try, but don’t hold out too much hope for success.”

He doubted Aloe could do much for him, but Myrdin still smiled at the thought as he added, “But it would be fun to try.”

Myrdin carefully rifled through the wrapped goods near the front of the pantry shelves, opening the brown paper wrapping just enough to see what was inside before carefully closing them back. He opened one that seemed to have some kind of sweet iced biscuit inside. He took one out and gave it a tentative bite, finding that it had some kind of berry filling inside. Too sweet, but they were soft and chewy.

“Hm… I think you’ll like these,” he said, picking up the package.

He turned and brought it over to where Aloe was cooking. He leaned against the counter next to him, glancing into the pot for a moment. Whatever he was making smelled fantastic. Seeing that Aloe had his hands occupied, Myrdin took one of the biscuits out of the package and held it up for him to take a bite of, intending to feed him while he worked.

“Try some. I don’t think one or two will spoil your meal.”

He gave Aloe the sweetest, most innocent smile he could muster.

[aloeviiera]

An almost sweetly painful pang in his heart nearly caused him to collapse on the spot thanks to Myrdin’s irresistible smile. The inexplicable gravity of the Elezen’s  charm forced him to lean into the counter for support, trying with all his might to continue his task at hand while his legs threatened to buckle. He could smell sugar coming off from Myrdin’s fingertips and couldn’t resist taking a careful nibble, not before glancing at Myrdin once again for permission.

It didn’t take long for the sweetness to hit his tongue, dragging his mind back to the first time he landed on this continent, experiencing kindness that first time. He resisted an absolutely primitive moan that escaped as a satisfied sigh instead as the memory washed over him. Now, he was being fed by the most exquisite man he’s ever met. Desserts were truly magical. 

Eyes nearly sparkling, face reddened, and eyebrows upturned with pleasure, he brought a hand to cover his mouth to hide a dumb grin, pretending to chew thoughtfully despite having inhaled the bite. He stole another less delicate bite before he moved the pot over to the fire, returning quickly to finish off the biscuit he purposefully chiseled down to temper his craving. 

Before Myrdin could pull his hand away, Aloe gently grabbed his wrist, sucking lightly on his finger tips, licking off the stubborn crumbs and icing that stuck around.

And just as quickly, he turned his back to Myrdin, moving back to the pot to stir the vegetables before they started sizzling. He hid his enflamed face in the heat of the fire, channeling all his shaky energy into his stirring arm as he wondered why he did that. 

[myrdinisarrel]

A rapid, searing heat burned in the pit of his stomach as Aloe turned away from. The soft, inviting warmth of Aloe’s mouth had paralyzed for a moment too long, making him unable to act before it was gone. It took everything Myrdin had to not immediately try to feed him another, but regretfully chose restraint. Otherwise, he was likely to distract Aloe too much.

“Maybe I should learn how to bake,” he wondered aloud, unable to keep the smile out of his voice.

He returned to his seat, setting the package on the counter nearby in case Aloe wanted to grab another. He couldn’t help bringing the chair a touch closer. The heat boiling within him had yet to go away, and he wanted to be close, but he didn’t want to get in Aloe’s way.

“You like cooking and sweets, but do you have any other growing interests? We could explore them together sometime.”

[aloeviiera]

Relief washed over him and Myrdin didn’t seem too bothered by his impulse, even seemingly enjoying it. But as he continued to supervise the fire and Myrdin continued to ask him about his interests, a strange feeling of being exposed ate at him. 

He soothed himself, rubbing warmth back into his arms that grew cold with Myrdin’s growing curiosity. Not unpleasant, but nerve-wracking. He feared answering incorrectly, but couldn’t sense a right answer to begin with. He found being uncovered– no, discovered– both exhilarating and exhausting. Though, chatting came easy and unrehearsed with Myrdin, learning about himself alongside him was a journey he didn’t realize he was taking and was wholly unprepared for. 

He kept his back turned to Myrdin, and at this point was over-stirring. Focus pulled Aloe’s mouth into a frown. What were his other interests now that he had the freedom to pursue them? The lack of experiences plagued him. Suddenly, he remembered the peace of weaving and tailoring as a kit, but those short-lived endeavors saddened him, so he wouldn’t mention that now.  

Realizing he had yet to respond, he hunted for the biscuits Myrdin placed on the counter, putting another in his mouth almost as an excuse not to speak while he sought an answer to his question. He was too embarrassed to be without one.

He supposed he had at least one growing interest…

He turned to Myrdin, looking down at the seated man with darkened, hungry eyes, hypnotized and unaware. Aloe brushed the crumbs from his lips with his thumb thinking about how Myrdin’s fingers felt against his mouth. He definitely wanted to do some kind of exploring together when Myrdin was fully healed.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin met Aloe’s stare with another sweet, mostly innocent smile. It was clear their thoughts were the same, and he was so internally frustrated that he had to try and rest. His mind was full of what-ifs and justifications and promises to be careful that he couldn’t voice, but he had to put them out of his mind. He knew that he couldn’t trust himself to do any of that.

Instead, he tried to dial his mind back to Aloe’s previous discomfort, to try and untangle it. Myrdin didn’t think that he himself would have solid answers to his own questions, so maybe it was the same for Aloe. It was hard to know which subjects were sensitive, but honestly he didn’t care what they talked about as long as he got to talk to Aloe more.

He let his eyes deliberately follow Aloe’s thumb as it traced his lips before meeting Aloe’s eyes and saying sweetly, “Don’t stare too long or you might burn your food. What are you making by the way?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe blinked away his fantasies, slapping the rest of the biscuits far from him across the counter. Frantically, he spun on his heels searching for his lost senses and composure and failing to remember what he was working on. He felt like a criminal, caught amidst the crime. 

Right. Food. He nearly split Bertram’s wooden spoon in two, gripping it as he stirred vigorously to prevent the vegetables from sticking to the bottom. He exhaled with relief, the dish was mostly saved. 

His voice had a slight tremble, shame lingering. “It’s not too unlike what Bertram prepared for us, I think. Nor is it very beautiful, but it should help you heal… faster.” 

His own mind betrayed him. “N-not for any particular reason other than to get you on your back– I mean get you back on your feet!” 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin’s eyes widened in surprise, before his mind in unfroze and confirmed that he had indeed heard correctly. The kitchen felt suddenly incredibly warm, and he couldn’t suppress the nervous laugh that bubbled out of him. Aloe looked mortified, and he might’ve felt the same if he’d let a statement like that slip. But he couldn’t deny the heat coiling within him at how good it felt to know with certainty that he was desired.

“Well, I hope it helps as you say.”

He feigned calm, carefully looking at his nails. Hopefully he wasn’t being too teasing, too nonchalant. He really enjoyed flirting with Aloe, liked making him flustered.

“I’d like to be healed and on my back… I mean my feet, as soon as possible.”

He spoke slowly and deliberately, mirroring Aloe’s mistake in a way that was anything but accidental.

[aloeviiera]

Aloe was not one for prayer. Given how he lived most of his life a spiritless puppet designed only to suffer, prayer worked little for him. But he found himself praying that Myrdin hadn’t heard Aloe’s mistake. And as before, prayer did nothing. And thus, his suffering continued. 

Aloe covered his face with his hands, reddened in every exposed part of him. Each word Myrdin spout out became too overwhelming to hear again. Even though Myrdin didn’t sound upset, Aloe feared that Myrdin would now see Aloe as someone who thought of only thought of him like that. 

He wanted to apologize but instead of a cool and winning explanation, he let out a whimper that sounded like he was on the verge of tears, which embarrassed him even more. He sunk further to the ground, where at least if embarrassment did actually kill him, the fall would be less dramatic. But it only made Aloe worry that Bertram would be left to clean up his body, so he couldn’t let that kill him.

“I’m sorry,” Aloe mumbled against his knees tucked into his chest, almost indecipherable with how tightly wound up he was. He was not going to survive if Amdapor was going to be like this. “I like you and I can’t stop making a fool of myself.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin smiled when Aloe blushed and covered his face, but it quickly fell when he heard the distressed sound and watched Aloe sink to the floor. He suddenly felt cold and heavy inside. Had he pushed to far? Had he touched on nerve he was unaware of?

“H-hey, hang on-”, he said as he pushed himself up from the chair, grimacing at his sore muscles but forced his body through it.

He knelt carefully near Aloe, hands hovering around him, unsure if it would be alright to touch him. From this vantage he could hear Aloe’s mumbling, and it plucked at a tender cord in his heart. He gently circled his arms around Aloe. It was almost too easy with how small he was trying to make himself.

“No, it’s I who should be sorry,” he smiled ruefully, pressing his face into Aloe’s hair.

“I like you very much, and thought it was adorable how flustered you were. A bit of fun gone too far. If you’re a fool for saying what we’re both thinking, then we can be fools together.”

[aloeviiera]

If it were even possible, Aloe curled into an even tighter ball against Myrdin’s dizzying kindness, stabilizing himself by rolling just slightly into his embrace. Although it wasn’t much fun for Aloe, he found he didn’t hate it either. The past two-odd summers proved difficult for Aloe to feel very competent in anything despite his best efforts. Yet Myrdin seemed to lure out his imperfections, welcomed it even, meeting him with reward– this kind embrace– rather than punishment.  

He let himself drown in Myrdin’s softened tone, comforted by the feel of him breathing into his hair. The words were simple, monosyllabic, and easy to understand, but he refused to unfurl, selfishly hanging onto them. He wanted to hear them again. And again. And again.  “I couldn’t hear you,” he pouted, wily, as he peaked his good eye between his fingers at Myrdin.   

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin leaned back to look at Aloe, raising a skeptical brow. Close as they were, it was difficult to believe. But then, where would be the harm in repeating himself regardless of whether Aloe had heard him or not.

“Is that so? Let me try again then.”

He leaned back in, wrapping Aloe in his arms even closer than before. He tilted his head to put his mouth close to the base of one of Aloe’s ears, lips barely brushing soft flesh and fur. Only to be guaranteed that he was heard well, of course.

“I said I like you very much, Aloe.”

He kept his voice low and soft, barely above a whisper. It wouldn’t do to harm him by being too loud.

“I’m sorry for teasing, but you aren’t a fool to me. I enjoy your company, and I long for more of it.”

Myrdin hoped that the sincerity he put into every word shone through. He wasn’t simply being playful. He pressed a kiss to Aloe’s head just below his ear before adding, “Unfortunately, this cooking pot might need to take your attention from me for now.”

[aloeviiera]

The whispered vibrations sent a gratifying chill down Aloe’s spine and oh…. he liked that. Frozen still by the meaning behind Myrdin’s words yet melting at his touch, Aloe gripped lightly at the front of the other man’s shirt as if to pull him even closer still, sneaking a quick kiss against Myrdin’s jaw. Each passing moment with him provided Aloe with new sensations he continuously tried to wrap his head around. He felt so light despite his nerves shackling him to his past. 

Aloe never hated a bubbling pot of food more than in that moment. As he unwound himself to stand, he guided Myrdin with him, rubbing his sides as a gesture of gratitude and unspoken regret, reluctant to let go. He felt both shame and pleasure for acting so childish, but relished that Myrdin willingly indulged him.  “It should be done,” Aloe sighed almost bitterly. He gestured to the table, “I’ll bring you a bowl.” 

Aloe inspected the stew once more, giving it a light taste test. It seemed fine enough, the tomatoes were cooked down as intended and the pumpkin was perfectly soft even if he failed to cut them all the same size. Aloe served up two bowls and brought them to the table. 

He starred at Myrdin awaiting his assessment.    

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin snuck in another quick kiss to the top of Aloe’s head before shuffling off to sit down at the dining table and wait. He rested his chin on his hands, closing his eyes and thinking wistfully about the strangely domestic situation he found himself in. Is this why people choose to live together? He felt only a little restless, but maybe someday that feeling would ease.

His attention turned to the present as Aloe set a bowl in front of him and sat next to him. He gave Aloe a warm smile and quiet thanks as he picked up the spoon. He took a delicate bite, making a pleased hum as he did. It was warm, homey, comforting, with a gentle savory flavor. He didn’t think he’d ever eaten pumpkin before, but he could safely say that he liked it as he went in for a second bite. He was halfway to a third when he noticed Aloe staring at him. He laughed a little nervously under the scrutiny.

“I was afraid that I was going to ruin it by distracting you, but this is delicious.”

He took another bite, chewing thoughtfully. He was almost envious that Aloe could just make something like this just digging around in Bertram’s kitchen. He wouldn’t have known where to start.

“If cooking for others is something you’re interested in, then I’d be happy to help you with that hobby,” he said, smiling warmly.

[aloeviiera]

A satisfied sigh escaped Aloe’s lips with Myrdin’s compliment. He then felt comfortable to eat from his own bowl, taking peeks at Myrdin just to be doubly sure he was enjoying the meal.

“I’ll cook for you,” Aloe declared, simply but maybe too eagerly. “But perhaps if you tire of it, we can go somewhere and eat there. Together. Once in a while. Maybe.” He smiled too, while chasing one of his poorly chopped pumpkin pieces around his bowl. It wasn’t quite a request, but he felt a small tinge of self-pride for being able to suggest such an idea. He’ll work on the delivery next time.   

Whenever either of them stopped talking, Aloe’s thoughts continued to turn, bubbling up like his mind was boiling. Sometimes good thoughts, sometimes bad, but most often than not relentless. In this moment, he couldn’t help but replay the experiences they shared thus far. From their inebriated antics to waking up in Gridania’s Inn then followed by their harrowing journey here, their limited time together felt longer than reality. And yet, sitting here eating together felt natural like they’ve known each other for several lifetimes. 

Realistically, Aloe didn’t know Myrdin well at all. 

“Do you have anything like that? A-a hobby or an interest, I mean. Your healing ability is impressive, but maybe conjuring isn’t considered the same as a hobby--,” his bit his lip to stop his rambling. 

[aloeviiera]

Amdapor is For Lovers (Part II) | @myrdinisarrel

[Part 1 here]

—————-

Sunlight found its way through the crack in the wall, breaking past the mossy blanket safeguarding Bertram’s home. As the room began to brighten, Aloe stirred. He was too warm, too comfortable, too spent, to get up immediately, that he dozed in an out again before his body started to ache, molded into the bed. 

He leaned on one elbow, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with a numbed hand slowly regaining life. They moved around in the night and it seemed Aloe’s arm found its way under Myrdin’s head. He shook out his wrist smiling at the pleasurable pain. 

He took in Myrdin’s sleeping form, absorbing the joy of waking next to him, before he gently peeled himself from the bed as quiet as possible. He examined Myrdin’s bandages before pulling the blanket over him, tucking him in so gently with a nervous hand and a full heart. 

You can ask anything of me, Aloe remembered hearing. He bent over to clean up the mess they made last night also in part to hide from the overwhelming sensation that invaded his heart. It was a gift he did not want to take for granted. He hoped it wasn’t a dream.

The thought of this being some fabricated affair, some kind of ploy, petrified him as he walked into Bertram’s kitchen. How long he stood there with his mind and heart at war, he didn’t know. The warm air of the cottage suddenly grew cold, and he returned to Myrdin’s bedside to put on the shirt Myrdin’s loaned him. He played with the hem to convince himself that this was real. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin was walking through miles of cold, dark stone, a twisting labyrinth he couldn’t make sense of. He was walking fast, his hand brushing the wall to help guide him in the darkness. Something was echoing in the corridors behind him, chasing after. It was gaining, and his heart was pounding. He tried to run, but something grabbed his collar, snatching him backwards. A soft feminine voice whispered in his ear, ‘You can’t run forever, Myrdin.’

He sat up with a gasp, drenched in a cold sweat. The memories of the cold stone and malevolent whispers started to evaporate like smoke, the way dreams tended to. He winced at the twinge of pain in his shoulder. He took a steadying breath, trying to still the hammering of his heart in his chest, to release it from the grip of fear. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, wiping the sweat away before opening his eyes.

Aloe sat nearby, once again dressed in Myrdin’s shirt, toying with the hem of it. He started to feel more at ease at the sight of him, even as he blushed at the memory of their conversation before sleep last night. Myrdin gave him a pensive smile.

“Good morning,” He half-mumbled, still a little groggy.

[aloeviiera]

It was Myrdin’s voice that pulled Aloe from his thoughts. Yet again, Myrdin was an anchor amidst the disquiet. Half startled and half delighted, Aloe moved to kneel beside the bed, eager to occupy, but not quite touching, Myrdin’s space. 

Aloe did notice a slight sobriety in Myrdin’s tone but was unsure if it’s simply due to the morning or something else. Was it Myrdin’s shoulder? Aloe still wasn’t convinced that wasn’t his fault. Did their sleeping position aggravate it? Aloe was to blame for that, too. Or maybe cleaning in the morning disrupted him. Aloe should have waited. 

As those thoughts wracked his mind, he turned his face away in shame, hoping to fix this somehow.

“How are you feeling? Did I wake you?” He managed to say, eyes already begging for forgiveness.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin shook himself a little, the haze of sleep clearing a little more. He actually felt quite well rested, if out of sorts.

“No, it wasn’t you,” he said, carefully stretching, “I may have sat up too quickly, but otherwise I feel well.”

He looked down at Aloe. Down? He tilted his head, now noticing that Aloe was on the floor next to him. He looked… deeply apologetic. Was that just his default expression? Or did he genuinely think he had something to apologize for? What could he have possibly done wrong in the mere minutes that Myrdin had been awake?

Myrdin carefully lowered himself on his good side to be closer to Aloe’s eye level, resting his head on his arm. He smiled still, even though he was quite confused. He reached out to gently brush Aloe’s hair away from his un-scarred eye.

“Why are you on the floor?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe had too many answers to offer but said nothing as he could only hold his breath as Myrdin moved in closer. Myrdin’s angelic smile washed away some of Aloe’s guilt as he stared through his good eye, hair brushed aside like a curtain. 

Even after last night… and the night before… and the night before that… Aloe still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. But Myrdin’s words from last night pushed away the thoughts that plagued Aloe in the morning and the thoughts he struggled to sort through now. Filled with an inexplicable, overwhelming feeling, Aloe sprang up on his knees to give Myrdin a sly yet sheepish peck on his lips, his hands gripping the sheets as he did so. 

“So I can do that,” he answered daringly, as he pulled away, his fingers nearly tearing holes into the bedsheets.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pressed his fingers to his lips, surprised, when Aloe pulled away. It was obvious that that wasn’t exactly the truth, but his adorable-yet-nervous expression was hard to argue with.

“If you say so,” he said, giving Aloe a coy smile.

He shifted slowly, bringing himself to sit on the edge of the bed next to Aloe. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Aloe’s cheek, next to the scar that marred it. It seemed uncouth to say that it made him more attractive, not knowing how he was injured, so he chose to keep that thought to himself for the time being. He carefully rose to his feet and glanced around, and then scoffed in annoyance.

“Did Bertram cut up one of my shirts again?” he muttered.

He was able to walk alright, if shakily, and crossed the room to his bags.

“He says that’s the safest way to do it, but I’m going to run out of shirts at this rate.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe stood slowly. 

“He did…,” he answered truthfully, the implication settling in. Bertram had let it slip before, but hearing it from Myrdin himself and how casual and light he made it sound, had the opposite effect. In the few days they’ve known each other, they were each struck with an arrow. How many where there before? And how many would come after? 

Aloe knew the scorn of family, but the thought of being hunted made his heart ache every time. He touched his scar as he looked between Myrdin, sorting through his bag, and the shield Bertram loaned him. Would he even be of any use even if he was better equipped? He had to be. He told Bertram he would.

He was starting to share Myrdin’s anger for his family, regardless if Myrdin allowed him to or not. 

“I don’t want you to go through anymore shirts,” was all Aloe could bring himself to say, crossing his arms to keep himself from rushing Myrdin and embracing him.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pulled on something loose, just to be a little covered. He laughed wryly, anxiously rubbing at one of his arms.

“I don’t either, but my family hasn’t been giving me much choice in the matter.”

He couldn’t stop a pensive sadness from cutting into his voice. He was asking so much of Aloe to even be associated with him. But he didn’t want Aloe to leave either. Maybe he should say something…

“Aloe… I-”, he paused, trying to work up the courage, “I know I asked you to come with me, but… I can’t ask that in good conscience without making it perfectly clear how dangerous it is.”

The words started to spill out of him before he could stop them. But if he wasn’t honest, and something terrible happened as a result, he would never forgive himself.

“I won’t send you away, I can’t-,” he was surprised by how strongly he felt that, how badly he wanted Aloe to stay, “but I’m going to be attacked again. I can’t know when, or where, but they’ll find me.”

He couldn’t look Aloe in the eyes, his mind repeating the memory of Aloe getting hurt over and over.

“I want you to stay with me, to… be… with me, but I would never be upset with you for deciding it’s too much.”

[aloeviiera]

“Too much?” Aloe echoed. Already, he was taking large strides to reach Myrdin, throwing his arms around him from behind as he nuzzled against his back. Fear, concern, happiness, gratitude, sorrow– it all hit him at once and he buried himself between Myrdin’s shoulder blades, wanting to crawl in him and help carry his heavy heart. 

“Nothing would be too much.” He felt so wrong for feeling so happy to be wanted– and above all to be wanted by Myrdin– while Myrdin sounded so distraught. The dissonance nearly made him cry and his heart continued to ache for him.

He tried to urge Myrdin to turn, seeking Myrdin’s eyes as he put his hands on his shoulders. If he wanted to protect Myrdin, he had to rebuild the courage he lost.  He breathed in deeply before he stared intensely into Myrdin’s eyes as much as the other would allow.

“I w-want it, too. I want… you…” Aloe mumbled clumsily, his arms shaking, finding difficulty in expressing his wants, even if Myrdin allowed him to do so. “And I will leave only at your command. If you can’t tolerate me, I-I’ll… I’ll…” Aloe couldn’t finish, he didn’t even want to think of it. The pain of leaving home broke him and he wouldn’t survive being discarded a second time.

“To the ends of the universe, and beyond that, too. Please, let me stay.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin looked at Aloe with wide eyes as the Viera clung to him. The way he pleaded to stay, in spite of everything they’d already been through, in spite of the troubles that were certainly still to come. His frantic voice and hands trembling on Myrdin’s shoulders spoke directly to Myrdin’s heart. He grabbed Aloe’s face in his own gently shaking hands.

“Aloe, I’m not letting you stay,” he said quietly. He traced the scar on Aloe’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s your choice to stay. I don’t own you.”

He pulled Aloe in against his chest, pressing his face into the top of Aloe’s head. He felt like his heart was fit to burst. He couldn’t help letting some of that joy bleed into his voice. He could never ask Aloe to leave.

“But hearing that you want to stay,” he said, smiling against Aloe’s hair, “It honors me greatly that you would, even knowing the danger.”

[aloeviiera]

I don’t own you.

I don’t own you.

Aloe sank into Myrdin’s embrace unsure how he felt about the sentiment. It was both familiar and new, reminding him of his exile– no longer owned, no longer wanted– but giving him an unexpected sense of, what he supposed was, freedom. Myrdin’s gentle stroke against his scar only reminded him that the past didn’t want him back and they never expected him to have a future. They also never expected for Aloe to meet someone like Myrdin.

Freedom, choice. Aloe had to learn to adjust to it.

“Myrdin…” He wiggled out of Myrdin’s chest, still finding his voice. “You said I could ask anything of you.” It felt strange, so picked at Myrdin’s shirt.

“After we head South, would you like to eat by the pier with me again?” Aloe had such a good time then… before the hunters came.

And almost as to prove that Aloe was more than willing to face whatever dangers followed Myrdin, he mimicked Myrdin’s own nonchalance.

“No interruptions this time.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin felt his smile growing as Aloe went on. It was truly a sweet idea, to try again, to hopefully have a better time. He would have to make things right first, but it gave him even more to work towards. It was strange how such a small thing could make him happy. He laughed, feeling warm and light.

“Is that all? Of course we can do that, I would love to!” He grabbed one of Aloe’s hands, pressing his face against the back of it.

Myrdin didn’t know how else to let out some of his nervous energy, and being affectionate with Aloe came so easily. He laughed anxiously, intertwining their fingers together. Making plans that didn’t involve the more dire aspects of his life was felt strange and new.

“Once I do what I can to deal with the situation with my family, I’ll go anywhere with you. Anywhere you want.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe rarely thought about the future in this way. But every time, it excited him. He held Myrdin’s hands tightly, pushing against him and dragging him along childishly until they were practically waltzing in room. Aloe spouted off places he heard in passing, big cities, small towns, places he’s never seen, places he’s been before– rambling about the things they could do together, things he’d always wanted to do when he once fantasized about leaving for the city. Passerby would never guess beneath his gloomy disposition, Aloe was this much of a romantic. He was almost eager to deal with whatever needed to be dealt with.

“And then if you’re up for it we’d walk the shoreline of Costa Del Sol…. ah, I got carried away…” Aloe retreated slightly, looking away more out of embarrassment than anything else, but he didn’t shirk away from Myrdin and kept holding his hand. 

You make me really happy, he wanted to say. Is this too good to be true?

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin let himself be led around the room, following Aloe wherever his tangential thoughts led him. He looked so warm, so open as he spoke of the future. Myrdin couldn’t help smiling, even as darker thoughts began to boil up in the back of his mind.

Could he have this? Was it safe, or would they take this away from him too?

He gripped Aloe’s hand in reassurance when he seemed to realize he had gotten ahead of himself. Myrdin wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to reassure.

“It’s alright, that all sounds lovely,” he said warmly, and then added, a little more tense, “unfortunately where I’m headed next may not be so charming.”

He held Aloe’s hand in both of his then, thumbs tracing the back of it.

“You don’t know much of Amdapor, do you? Since you aren’t from around here?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe burrowed his flushed face into Myrdin’s chest, in part embarrassed by his ramblings, self-conscious of his ignorance, and the disappointing end to his fantasies. “No,” he mumbled apologetically against Myrdin. “You’re the first one I’ve met who has mentioned it.” 

Pulling back to speak clearly, he squeezed Myrdin’s hands back. “You may have many reasons to doubt me, but whatever you need of me, I’ll do all I can.” He lifted himself to his toes to plant a chaste kiss to the side of Myrdin’s mouth.  “You have all of me,” he reassured. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head to give Aloe a second, more lingering kiss, before pulling away. He smile felt tired, but it came easily.

“I have no cause to doubt you, but I don’t know if I have words for how much I appreciate that sentiment, Aloe.”

He went to his saddle bags and began pulling out rolled up maps and notes that he had borrowed from the conjurer’s guild (with a little smooth talking), and started spreading them out on the floor before Bertram’s hearth, talking as he went.

“Let me see if I can’t get us on the same page. I don’t exactly what my family is doing, but I think it involves some kind of black magic. They’re exactly the kind of people who would seek illicit means to gain more power. If that’s the case…”

He pointed to an fragile and tattered map showing the ancient city.

“Then what I need to counter that should be somewhere in here. White magic. Unfortunately the Padjals don’t teach that to anyone, but I feel that if I go here, to Amdapor… I should be able to find something that’ll help me.”

He was really trimming the fat of his explanation, but he Aloe seemed sharp, so he trusted him to know what he was getting at.

“Amdapor, historically, was the hub of white magic before that was banned, too. Technically, by going there, I’m breaking several Gridanian laws. But if it’ll give me what I need to stop them, I’m willing to do it. On top of all that, Bertram tells me that the city has become very dangerous over the last several years.”

Myrdin gestured to a few old drawings made by people who had explored the city, showing strange mold-like webbing clinging to crumbling stone. He looked back to Aloe, smiling at him.

“I trust you when you say you’ll do anything to help, but if you have any hesitance, I won’t begrudge you that.”

[aloeviiera]

The dreamy kiss-tinged expression dropped into that of complete focus and the fluttering feeling in his stomach faded as Myrdin unrolled his maps. Allowing himself to run his finger along the pages to keep up, Aloe studied them with great intent, burning he images into his mind and absorbing all Myrdin had to say. Unfamiliar words nibbled at him and he held onto some terminology and relinquished the ones to ask about later. Was Amdapor buried under ruin and legislation for public safety or did the Gridanians know something else lingered beneath the remains, he wondered. 

He leaned in over the drawings taking note of the strange details the explorers added, deliberate in their presentation rather than some artistic interpretation. Aloe absorbed fully into the pages before him, nearly blind to Myrdin’s gestures and expressions. 

As his eyes flicked from one scroll to the next. “The popularity of Amdapor’s magicks must’ve caused its downfall if it were banned,” he thought out loud, circling to the other side of Myrdin’s pile to study those too. 

Aloe let out a breath, troubled by the burden Myrdin endured because of the enigmatic sins of his family. “It does seem quite dangerous…” He paced around to ensure he didn’t miss a single detail. 

“Alright,” he moved back to Myrdin’s side, sliding an arm around Myrdin’s waist, eyeing the map one more time. “If this is all you have, then I should be prepared.” “We’ll be cautious,” he said, seriously.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin stretched slowly before leaning against Aloe with a sigh. His body was still aching and tired.

“I’ll be as cautious as someone looking for calamity-causing magicks could be,” he said with wry laugh.

He tipped his head on top of Aloe’s, nudging against one of his long lupine ears, as he looked at the parchment spread out around them. He felt both hesitant and eager, but most of all, relieved.

“I was prepared to enter these places on my own, but I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Having your help in this is invaluable, and will make the whole venture much safer, even if it’s still very dangerous.”

He paused, absorbing the comfort of having someone by his side. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it before.

“Once Bertram is back with Vayu, we should have time to reach Amdapor before I’m caught up with again. They’ll be unlikely to follow us into the city at the very least, unless forced.”

[aloeviiera]

Butterflies returned, fluttering about in his stomach. Aloe rarely liked the feeling of his ears being touched but he couldn’t help blush at the proximity of Myrdin’s face, imagining his lips nipping at the base of it. But more than that, the feeling of being a support to Myrdin’s weight as he leaned into him ignited something in his heart again. Yet it was quickly crushed by the sobering reality at hand. The hunters and Myrdin’s family are likely to find them– find Myrdin– again.

Aloe frowned at that. He hoped whatever Amdapor hid could free Myrdin in the end. “Until Bertram does return, perhaps you should get some more rest.” He rubbed the small of Myrdin’s back, urging him to return to the bed. 

“I saw some vegetables in the kitchen. Would Bertram mind too much if we helped ourselves? I can fix something up for you.” Aloe never thought himself much of a culinarian, but he could be resourceful when needed. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad, and Myrdin wouldn’t hate him for it. 

“Is there anything you dislike to eat?” he said, already making his way to the kitchen. He remembered Myrdin enjoyed flavorful, savory foods. 

He touched his ear and blushed. 

[myrdinisarrel]

“By all means, he won’t mind at all,” Myrdin said with a dismissive smile and a quiet laugh, “Bertram really likes cooking, so you can probably find anything you’d want if you dig around.”

Rather than laying down, Myrdin brushed off Aloe’s gentle guidance towards the bed, instead dragging a chair after Aloe. He ignored any concerned looks he might be receiving as made himself comfortable, leaning against the counter. He hummed thoughtfully at Aloe’s question, and then shrugged.

“Not really, no. I don’t think there’s anything wouldn’t eat,” he said, scratching the side of his neck pensively, “It’s actually a little embarrassing how long it took me to even enjoy food. But now I can usually find something to like about any dish.”

He rested his chin on a hand as he watched Aloe. He thought back to Aloe’s flood of questions the day before, and thought maybe it was fair for him to ask some of his own. He had an idea now that maybe the ways the had lived before meeting each other had more similarities than he would like… he would try to avoid touchier subjects.

“What about you? Things you don’t like? Or better yet, any favorites?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe gave Myrdin a small, playful pout as he made himself comfortable at the counter against Aloe’s recommendation. Myrdin proved to be a man who did what he pleased and Aloe couldn’t bring himself to deny him anything, even if he wanted. But he wouldn’t reject the company either if it meant they could stay closer for longer. 

With what he perceived as permission from Myrdin, he began rummaging through Bertram’s cupboards and drawers, discovering baskets and boxes filled with different ingredients as Myrdin suggested. Aloe found himself hoping for more moments like these, believing in the normalcy and peace. Both of them lived far from mundane lives, but if it could be like this, he wouldn’t mind it.

Maybe they would have a chance after Amdapor. A part of him knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but most of him prayed that it would be– not in fear of the dangers but in anticipation of the future. Their future. 

He continued to explore some unfamiliar spices and produce, touching and smelling them before placing them back in their spots even a little neater than how he found them. He considered the question seriously, taking some cucumber and tomatoes into his arms, placing them on the counter.  “I eat most things,” he said, truthfully, though his experience meant that most things consisted of whatever he could forage or hunt. It wasn’t until he stepped over to the continent that he was able to even consider an even greater assortment of foodstuff or even consider purchasing meals prepared for him. He had to remember to add eating at a restaurant to his mental list of places to go with Myrdin since Aloe had been too hesitant to experience one. He felt silly having never gone all this time.  Aloe picked up a pumpkin resting at the side of the counter, knocking his knuckles against it in thought. “Um…” he cowered behind the pumpkin as he picked it up, nearly crushing it in his grip. 

Quietly, he mumbled, “I’m fond of pastries.” And cakes. And cookies. And pies. He remembered Myrdin didn’t prefer them. so he slowly peeked behind the giant vegetable to gauge his expression. 

He felt like a child, ashamed to admit that he craved desserts often but repressed those along with all his other wants and wishes. 

“But I dont know how to make them.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head, watching Aloe with interest as he selected his ingredients. How do you even cook a pumpkin, really? The expression Aloe made when he spoke of pastries had guilty pleasure written across his face. He’d be willing to bet there was some kind of sweet baked goods in the pantry, already made.

“I don’t know how to make pastries either. Simple foods are difficult enough for me as it is, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

He carefully stood and padded over to Bertram’s pantry, rummaging around through jars of preserves and paper-wrapped things. Apparently he was driven to satisfy any of Aloe’s indulgences. He continued speaking over his shoulder.

“Do you like to cook too? I always wished I had learned how. If you like things burnt or undercooked, then I’m your man.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe chuckled. The sound was soft but genuine and full of joy. Not at Myrdin’s inability to cook but he laughed admiring Myrdin’s ability to make light of his own shortcomings. Everything Myrdin did– or didn’t do– seemed so radiant while the mere thought of admitting Aloe’s own failings, his deficiencies, terrified him. 

He started hacking away at the vegetables, making them bitesize but he frowned when they ended up asymmetrical. “I can’t imagine it being that bad,” he tried to reassure Myrdin. “But I’m sure you could learn pretty quickly if you wanted to.” He moved onto the pumpkin, giving it a resounding whack with one of Bertram’s heavier knives. He lacked the speed and precision of a trained culinarian but had remarkable strength in his svelte arms to cut straight through with little resistance. He carved out the seeds and continued to cut the pumpkin into pieces, operating carefully to not dull Bertram’s blades or dirty his kitchen, maintaining his workspace well. 

“I-I’m not sure if I hate it or like it myself,” he answered truthfully, stumbling over his thoughts. He liked this whatever this was, he supposed. As a child, he was used to eating alone at the hearth after everyone had their fill. Cooking came later when he was sent off alone. Desperation was the instructor and survival was the reward for learning to cook. 

“I suppose… I like cooking for others…” he said slowly, discovering his feelings on it in the moment. Cooking for someone else meant there was someone else. 

 “I can show you what I know if that’s something you’re interested in,” he said, putting everything into the pot.

[myrdinisarrel]

“Ha, you’re welcome to try, but don’t hold out too much hope for success.”

He doubted Aloe could do much for him, but Myrdin still smiled at the thought as he added, “But it would be fun to try.”

Myrdin carefully rifled through the wrapped goods near the front of the pantry shelves, opening the brown paper wrapping just enough to see what was inside before carefully closing them back. He opened one that seemed to have some kind of sweet iced biscuit inside. He took one out and gave it a tentative bite, finding that it had some kind of berry filling inside. Too sweet, but they were soft and chewy.

“Hm… I think you’ll like these,” he said, picking up the package.

He turned and brought it over to where Aloe was cooking. He leaned against the counter next to him, glancing into the pot for a moment. Whatever he was making smelled fantastic. Seeing that Aloe had his hands occupied, Myrdin took one of the biscuits out of the package and held it up for him to take a bite of, intending to feed him while he worked.

“Try some. I don’t think one or two will spoil your meal.”

He gave Aloe the sweetest, most innocent smile he could muster.

[aloeviiera]

An almost sweetly painful pang in his heart nearly caused him to collapse on the spot thanks to Myrdin’s irresistible smile. The inexplicable gravity of the Elezen’s  charm forced him to lean into the counter for support, trying with all his might to continue his task at hand while his legs threatened to buckle. He could smell sugar coming off from Myrdin’s fingertips and couldn’t resist taking a careful nibble, not before glancing at Myrdin once again for permission.

It didn’t take long for the sweetness to hit his tongue, dragging his mind back to the first time he landed on this continent, experiencing kindness that first time. He resisted an absolutely primitive moan that escaped as a satisfied sigh instead as the memory washed over him. Now, he was being fed by the most exquisite man he’s ever met. Desserts were truly magical. 

Eyes nearly sparkling, face reddened, and eyebrows upturned with pleasure, he brought a hand to cover his mouth to hide a dumb grin, pretending to chew thoughtfully despite having inhaled the bite. He stole another less delicate bite before he moved the pot over to the fire, returning quickly to finish off the biscuit he purposefully chiseled down to temper his craving. 

Before Myrdin could pull his hand away, Aloe gently grabbed his wrist, sucking lightly on his finger tips, licking off the stubborn crumbs and icing that stuck around.

And just as quickly, he turned his back to Myrdin, moving back to the pot to stir the vegetables before they started sizzling. He hid his enflamed face in the heat of the fire, channeling all his shaky energy into his stirring arm as he wondered why he did that. 

[myrdinisarrel]

A rapid, searing heat burned in the pit of his stomach as Aloe turned away from. The soft, inviting warmth of Aloe’s mouth had paralyzed for a moment too long, making him unable to act before it was gone. It took everything Myrdin had to not immediately try to feed him another, but regretfully chose restraint. Otherwise, he was likely to distract Aloe too much.

“Maybe I should learn how to bake,” he wondered aloud, unable to keep the smile out of his voice.

He returned to his seat, setting the package on the counter nearby in case Aloe wanted to grab another. He couldn’t help bringing the chair a touch closer. The heat boiling within him had yet to go away, and he wanted to be close, but he didn’t want to get in Aloe’s way.

“You like cooking and sweets, but do you have any other growing interests? We could explore them together sometime.”

[aloeviiera]

Relief washed over him and Myrdin didn’t seem too bothered by his impulse, even seemingly enjoying it. But as he continued to supervise the fire and Myrdin continued to ask him about his interests, a strange feeling of being exposed ate at him. 

He soothed himself, rubbing warmth back into his arms that grew cold with Myrdin’s growing curiosity. Not unpleasant, but nerve-wracking. He feared answering incorrectly, but couldn’t sense a right answer to begin with. He found being uncovered– no, discovered– both exhilarating and exhausting. Though, chatting came easy and unrehearsed with Myrdin, learning about himself alongside him was a journey he didn’t realize he was taking and was wholly unprepared for. 

He kept his back turned to Myrdin, and at this point was over-stirring. Focus pulled Aloe’s mouth into a frown. What were his other interests now that he had the freedom to pursue them? The lack of experiences plagued him. Suddenly, he remembered the peace of weaving and tailoring as a kit, but those short-lived endeavors saddened him, so he wouldn’t mention that now.  

Realizing he had yet to respond, he hunted for the biscuits Myrdin placed on the counter, putting another in his mouth almost as an excuse not to speak while he sought an answer to his question. He was too embarrassed to be without one.

He supposed he had at least one growing interest…

He turned to Myrdin, looking down at the seated man with darkened, hungry eyes, hypnotized and unaware. Aloe brushed the crumbs from his lips with his thumb thinking about how Myrdin’s fingers felt against his mouth. He definitely wanted to do some kind of exploring together when Myrdin was fully healed.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin met Aloe’s stare with another sweet, mostly innocent smile. It was clear their thoughts were the same, and he was so internally frustrated that he had to try and rest. His mind was full of what-ifs and justifications and promises to be careful that he couldn’t voice, but he had to put them out of his mind. He knew that he couldn’t trust himself to do any of that.

Instead, he tried to dial his mind back to Aloe’s previous discomfort, to try and untangle it. Myrdin didn’t think that he himself would have solid answers to his own questions, so maybe it was the same for Aloe. It was hard to know which subjects were sensitive, but honestly he didn’t care what they talked about as long as he got to talk to Aloe more.

He let his eyes deliberately follow Aloe’s thumb as it traced his lips before meeting Aloe’s eyes and saying sweetly, “Don’t stare too long or you might burn your food. What are you making by the way?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe blinked away his fantasies, slapping the rest of the biscuits far from him across the counter. Frantically, he spun on his heels searching for his lost senses and composure and failing to remember what he was working on. He felt like a criminal, caught amidst the crime. 

Right. Food. He nearly split Bertram’s wooden spoon in two, gripping it as he stirred vigorously to prevent the vegetables from sticking to the bottom. He exhaled with relief, the dish was mostly saved. 

His voice had a slight tremble, shame lingering. “It’s not too unlike what Bertram prepared for us, I think. Nor is it very beautiful, but it should help you heal… faster.” 

His own mind betrayed him. “N-not for any particular reason other than to get you on your back– I mean get you back on your feet!” 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin’s eyes widened in surprise, before his mind in unfroze and confirmed that he had indeed heard correctly. The kitchen felt suddenly incredibly warm, and he couldn’t suppress the nervous laugh that bubbled out of him. Aloe looked mortified, and he might’ve felt the same if he’d let a statement like that slip. But he couldn’t deny the heat coiling within him at how good it felt to know with certainty that he was desired.

“Well, I hope it helps as you say.”

He feigned calm, carefully looking at his nails. Hopefully he wasn’t being too teasing, too nonchalant. He really enjoyed flirting with Aloe, liked making him flustered.

“I’d like to be healed and on my back… I mean my feet, as soon as possible.”

He spoke slowly and deliberately, mirroring Aloe’s mistake in a way that was anything but accidental.

[aloeviiera]

Aloe was not one for prayer. Given how he lived most of his life a spiritless puppet designed only to suffer, prayer worked little for him. But he found himself praying that Myrdin hadn’t heard Aloe’s mistake. And as before, prayer did nothing. And thus, his suffering continued. 

Aloe covered his face with his hands, reddened in every exposed part of him. Each word Myrdin spout out became too overwhelming to hear again. Even though Myrdin didn’t sound upset, Aloe feared that Myrdin would now see Aloe as someone who thought of only thought of him like that. 

He wanted to apologize but instead of a cool and winning explanation, he let out a whimper that sounded like he was on the verge of tears, which embarrassed him even more. He sunk further to the ground, where at least if embarrassment did actually kill him, the fall would be less dramatic. But it only made Aloe worry that Bertram would be left to clean up his body, so he couldn’t let that kill him.

“I’m sorry,” Aloe mumbled against his knees tucked into his chest, almost indecipherable with how tightly wound up he was. He was not going to survive if Amdapor was going to be like this. “I like you and I can’t stop making a fool of myself.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin smiled when Aloe blushed and covered his face, but it quickly fell when he heard the distressed sound and watched Aloe sink to the floor. He suddenly felt cold and heavy inside. Had he pushed to far? Had he touched on nerve he was unaware of?

“H-hey, hang on-”, he said as he pushed himself up from the chair, grimacing at his sore muscles but forced his body through it.

He knelt carefully near Aloe, hands hovering around him, unsure if it would be alright to touch him. From this vantage he could hear Aloe’s mumbling, and it plucked at a tender cord in his heart. He gently circled his arms around Aloe. It was almost too easy with how small he was trying to make himself.

“No, it’s I who should be sorry,” he smiled ruefully, pressing his face into Aloe’s hair.

“I like you very much, and thought it was adorable how flustered you were. A bit of fun gone too far. If you’re a fool for saying what we’re both thinking, then we can be fools together.”

[aloeviiera]

If it were even possible, Aloe curled into an even tighter ball against Myrdin’s dizzying kindness, stabilizing himself by rolling just slightly into his embrace. Although it wasn’t much fun for Aloe, he found he didn’t hate it either. The past two-odd summers proved difficult for Aloe to feel very competent in anything despite his best efforts. Yet Myrdin seemed to lure out his imperfections, welcomed it even, meeting him with reward– this kind embrace– rather than punishment.  

He let himself drown in Myrdin’s softened tone, comforted by the feel of him breathing into his hair. The words were simple, monosyllabic, and easy to understand, but he refused to unfurl, selfishly hanging onto them. He wanted to hear them again. And again. And again.  “I couldn’t hear you,” he pouted, wily, as he peaked his good eye between his fingers at Myrdin.   

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin leaned back to look at Aloe, raising a skeptical brow. Close as they were, it was difficult to believe. But then, where would be the harm in repeating himself regardless of whether Aloe had heard him or not.

“Is that so? Let me try again then.”

He leaned back in, wrapping Aloe in his arms even closer than before. He tilted his head to put his mouth close to the base of one of Aloe’s ears, lips barely brushing soft flesh and fur. Only to be guaranteed that he was heard well, of course.

“I said I like you very much, Aloe.”

He kept his voice low and soft, barely above a whisper. It wouldn’t do to harm him by being too loud.

“I’m sorry for teasing, but you aren’t a fool to me. I enjoy your company, and I long for more of it.”

Myrdin hoped that the sincerity he put into every word shone through. He wasn’t simply being playful. He pressed a kiss to Aloe’s head just below his ear before adding, “Unfortunately, this cooking pot might need to take your attention from me for now.”

[aloeviiera]

The whispered vibrations sent a gratifying chill down Aloe’s spine and oh.... he liked that. Frozen still by the meaning behind Myrdin’s words yet melting at his touch, Aloe gripped lightly at the front of the other man’s shirt as if to pull him even closer still, sneaking a quick kiss against Myrdin’s jaw. Each passing moment with him provided Aloe with new sensations he continuously tried to wrap his head around. He felt so light despite his nerves shackling him to his past. 

Aloe never hated a bubbling pot of food more than in that moment. As he unwound himself to stand, he guided Myrdin with him, rubbing his sides as a gesture of gratitude and unspoken regret, reluctant to let go. He felt both shame and pleasure for acting so childish, but relished that Myrdin willingly indulged him.  “It should be done,” Aloe sighed almost bitterly. He gestured to the table, “I’ll bring you a bowl.” 

Aloe inspected the stew once more, giving it a light taste test. It seemed fine enough, the tomatoes were cooked down as intended and the pumpkin was perfectly soft even if he failed to cut them all the same size. Aloe served up two bowls and brought them to the table. 

He starred at Myrdin awaiting his assessment.    

[aloeviiera]

Amdapor is For Lovers (Part II) | @myrdinisarrel

[Part 1 here]

—————-

Sunlight found its way through the crack in the wall, breaking past the mossy blanket safeguarding Bertram’s home. As the room began to brighten, Aloe stirred. He was too warm, too comfortable, too spent, to get up immediately, that he dozed in an out again before his body started to ache, molded into the bed. 

He leaned on one elbow, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with a numbed hand slowly regaining life. They moved around in the night and it seemed Aloe’s arm found its way under Myrdin’s head. He shook out his wrist smiling at the pleasurable pain. 

He took in Myrdin’s sleeping form, absorbing the joy of waking next to him, before he gently peeled himself from the bed as quiet as possible. He examined Myrdin’s bandages before pulling the blanket over him, tucking him in so gently with a nervous hand and a full heart. 

You can ask anything of me, Aloe remembered hearing. He bent over to clean up the mess they made last night also in part to hide from the overwhelming sensation that invaded his heart. It was a gift he did not want to take for granted. He hoped it wasn’t a dream.

The thought of this being some fabricated affair, some kind of ploy, petrified him as he walked into Bertram’s kitchen. How long he stood there with his mind and heart at war, he didn’t know. The warm air of the cottage suddenly grew cold, and he returned to Myrdin’s bedside to put on the shirt Myrdin’s loaned him. He played with the hem to convince himself that this was real. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin was walking through miles of cold, dark stone, a twisting labyrinth he couldn’t make sense of. He was walking fast, his hand brushing the wall to help guide him in the darkness. Something was echoing in the corridors behind him, chasing after. It was gaining, and his heart was pounding. He tried to run, but something grabbed his collar, snatching him backwards. A soft feminine voice whispered in his ear, ‘You can’t run forever, Myrdin.’

He sat up with a gasp, drenched in a cold sweat. The memories of the cold stone and malevolent whispers started to evaporate like smoke, the way dreams tended to. He winced at the twinge of pain in his shoulder. He took a steadying breath, trying to still the hammering of his heart in his chest, to release it from the grip of fear. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, wiping the sweat away before opening his eyes.

Aloe sat nearby, once again dressed in Myrdin’s shirt, toying with the hem of it. He started to feel more at ease at the sight of him, even as he blushed at the memory of their conversation before sleep last night. Myrdin gave him a pensive smile.

“Good morning,” He half-mumbled, still a little groggy.

[aloeviiera]

It was Myrdin’s voice that pulled Aloe from his thoughts. Yet again, Myrdin was an anchor amidst the disquiet. Half startled and half delighted, Aloe moved to kneel beside the bed, eager to occupy, but not quite touching, Myrdin’s space. 

Aloe did notice a slight sobriety in Myrdin’s tone but was unsure if it’s simply due to the morning or something else. Was it Myrdin’s shoulder? Aloe still wasn’t convinced that wasn’t his fault. Did their sleeping position aggravate it? Aloe was to blame for that, too. Or maybe cleaning in the morning disrupted him. Aloe should have waited. 

As those thoughts wracked his mind, he turned his face away in shame, hoping to fix this somehow.

“How are you feeling? Did I wake you?” He managed to say, eyes already begging for forgiveness.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin shook himself a little, the haze of sleep clearing a little more. He actually felt quite well rested, if out of sorts.

“No, it wasn’t you,” he said, carefully stretching, “I may have sat up too quickly, but otherwise I feel well.”

He looked down at Aloe. Down? He tilted his head, now noticing that Aloe was on the floor next to him. He looked… deeply apologetic. Was that just his default expression? Or did he genuinely think he had something to apologize for? What could he have possibly done wrong in the mere minutes that Myrdin had been awake?

Myrdin carefully lowered himself on his good side to be closer to Aloe’s eye level, resting his head on his arm. He smiled still, even though he was quite confused. He reached out to gently brush Aloe’s hair away from his un-scarred eye.

“Why are you on the floor?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe had too many answers to offer but said nothing as he could only hold his breath as Myrdin moved in closer. Myrdin’s angelic smile washed away some of Aloe’s guilt as he stared through his good eye, hair brushed aside like a curtain. 

Even after last night… and the night before… and the night before that… Aloe still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. But Myrdin’s words from last night pushed away the thoughts that plagued Aloe in the morning and the thoughts he struggled to sort through now. Filled with an inexplicable, overwhelming feeling, Aloe sprang up on his knees to give Myrdin a sly yet sheepish peck on his lips, his hands gripping the sheets as he did so. 

“So I can do that,” he answered daringly, as he pulled away, his fingers nearly tearing holes into the bedsheets.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pressed his fingers to his lips, surprised, when Aloe pulled away. It was obvious that that wasn’t exactly the truth, but his adorable-yet-nervous expression was hard to argue with.

“If you say so,” he said, giving Aloe a coy smile.

He shifted slowly, bringing himself to sit on the edge of the bed next to Aloe. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Aloe’s cheek, next to the scar that marred it. It seemed uncouth to say that it made him more attractive, not knowing how he was injured, so he chose to keep that thought to himself for the time being. He carefully rose to his feet and glanced around, and then scoffed in annoyance.

“Did Bertram cut up one of my shirts again?” he muttered.

He was able to walk alright, if shakily, and crossed the room to his bags.

“He says that’s the safest way to do it, but I’m going to run out of shirts at this rate.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe stood slowly. 

“He did…,” he answered truthfully, the implication settling in. Bertram had let it slip before, but hearing it from Myrdin himself and how casual and light he made it sound, had the opposite effect. In the few days they’ve known each other, they were each struck with an arrow. How many where there before? And how many would come after? 

Aloe knew the scorn of family, but the thought of being hunted made his heart ache every time. He touched his scar as he looked between Myrdin, sorting through his bag, and the shield Bertram loaned him. Would he even be of any use even if he was better equipped? He had to be. He told Bertram he would.

He was starting to share Myrdin’s anger for his family, regardless if Myrdin allowed him to or not. 

“I don’t want you to go through anymore shirts,” was all Aloe could bring himself to say, crossing his arms to keep himself from rushing Myrdin and embracing him.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pulled on something loose, just to be a little covered. He laughed wryly, anxiously rubbing at one of his arms.

“I don’t either, but my family hasn’t been giving me much choice in the matter.”

He couldn’t stop a pensive sadness from cutting into his voice. He was asking so much of Aloe to even be associated with him. But he didn’t want Aloe to leave either. Maybe he should say something…

“Aloe… I-”, he paused, trying to work up the courage, “I know I asked you to come with me, but… I can’t ask that in good conscience without making it perfectly clear how dangerous it is.”

The words started to spill out of him before he could stop them. But if he wasn’t honest, and something terrible happened as a result, he would never forgive himself.

“I won’t send you away, I can’t-,” he was surprised by how strongly he felt that, how badly he wanted Aloe to stay, “but I’m going to be attacked again. I can’t know when, or where, but they’ll find me.”

He couldn’t look Aloe in the eyes, his mind repeating the memory of Aloe getting hurt over and over.

“I want you to stay with me, to… be… with me, but I would never be upset with you for deciding it’s too much.”

[aloeviiera]

“Too much?” Aloe echoed. Already, he was taking large strides to reach Myrdin, throwing his arms around him from behind as he nuzzled against his back. Fear, concern, happiness, gratitude, sorrow– it all hit him at once and he buried himself between Myrdin’s shoulder blades, wanting to crawl in him and help carry his heavy heart. 

“Nothing would be too much.” He felt so wrong for feeling so happy to be wanted– and above all to be wanted by Myrdin– while Myrdin sounded so distraught. The dissonance nearly made him cry and his heart continued to ache for him.

He tried to urge Myrdin to turn, seeking Myrdin’s eyes as he put his hands on his shoulders. If he wanted to protect Myrdin, he had to rebuild the courage he lost.  He breathed in deeply before he stared intensely into Myrdin’s eyes as much as the other would allow.

“I w-want it, too. I want… you…” Aloe mumbled clumsily, his arms shaking, finding difficulty in expressing his wants, even if Myrdin allowed him to do so. “And I will leave only at your command. If you can’t tolerate me, I-I’ll… I’ll…” Aloe couldn’t finish, he didn’t even want to think of it. The pain of leaving home broke him and he wouldn’t survive being discarded a second time.

“To the ends of the universe, and beyond that, too. Please, let me stay.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin looked at Aloe with wide eyes as the Viera clung to him. The way he pleaded to stay, in spite of everything they’d already been through, in spite of the troubles that were certainly still to come. His frantic voice and hands trembling on Myrdin’s shoulders spoke directly to Myrdin’s heart. He grabbed Aloe’s face in his own gently shaking hands.

“Aloe, I’m not letting you stay,” he said quietly. He traced the scar on Aloe’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s your choice to stay. I don’t own you.”

He pulled Aloe in against his chest, pressing his face into the top of Aloe’s head. He felt like his heart was fit to burst. He couldn’t help letting some of that joy bleed into his voice. He could never ask Aloe to leave.

“But hearing that you want to stay,” he said, smiling against Aloe’s hair, “It honors me greatly that you would, even knowing the danger.”

[aloeviiera]

I don’t own you.

I don’t own you.

Aloe sank into Myrdin’s embrace unsure how he felt about the sentiment. It was both familiar and new, reminding him of his exile– no longer owned, no longer wanted– but giving him an unexpected sense of, what he supposed was, freedom. Myrdin’s gentle stroke against his scar only reminded him that the past didn’t want him back and they never expected him to have a future. They also never expected for Aloe to meet someone like Myrdin.

Freedom, choice. Aloe had to learn to adjust to it.

“Myrdin…” He wiggled out of Myrdin’s chest, still finding his voice. “You said I could ask anything of you.” It felt strange, so picked at Myrdin’s shirt.

“After we head South, would you like to eat by the pier with me again?” Aloe had such a good time then… before the hunters came.

And almost as to prove that Aloe was more than willing to face whatever dangers followed Myrdin, he mimicked Myrdin’s own nonchalance.

“No interruptions this time.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin felt his smile growing as Aloe went on. It was truly a sweet idea, to try again, to hopefully have a better time. He would have to make things right first, but it gave him even more to work towards. It was strange how such a small thing could make him happy. He laughed, feeling warm and light.

“Is that all? Of course we can do that, I would love to!” He grabbed one of Aloe’s hands, pressing his face against the back of it.

Myrdin didn’t know how else to let out some of his nervous energy, and being affectionate with Aloe came so easily. He laughed anxiously, intertwining their fingers together. Making plans that didn’t involve the more dire aspects of his life was felt strange and new.

“Once I do what I can to deal with the situation with my family, I’ll go anywhere with you. Anywhere you want.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe rarely thought about the future in this way. But every time, it excited him. He held Myrdin’s hands tightly, pushing against him and dragging him along childishly until they were practically waltzing in room. Aloe spouted off places he heard in passing, big cities, small towns, places he’s never seen, places he’s been before– rambling about the things they could do together, things he’d always wanted to do when he once fantasized about leaving for the city. Passerby would never guess beneath his gloomy disposition, Aloe was this much of a romantic. He was almost eager to deal with whatever needed to be dealt with.

“And then if you’re up for it we’d walk the shoreline of Costa Del Sol…. ah, I got carried away…” Aloe retreated slightly, looking away more out of embarrassment than anything else, but he didn’t shirk away from Myrdin and kept holding his hand. 

You make me really happy, he wanted to say. Is this too good to be true?

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin let himself be led around the room, following Aloe wherever his tangential thoughts led him. He looked so warm, so open as he spoke of the future. Myrdin couldn’t help smiling, even as darker thoughts began to boil up in the back of his mind.

Could he have this? Was it safe, or would they take this away from him too?

He gripped Aloe’s hand in reassurance when he seemed to realize he had gotten ahead of himself. Myrdin wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to reassure.

“It’s alright, that all sounds lovely,” he said warmly, and then added, a little more tense, “unfortunately where I’m headed next may not be so charming.”

He held Aloe’s hand in both of his then, thumbs tracing the back of it.

“You don’t know much of Amdapor, do you? Since you aren’t from around here?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe burrowed his flushed face into Myrdin’s chest, in part embarrassed by his ramblings, self-conscious of his ignorance, and the disappointing end to his fantasies. “No,” he mumbled apologetically against Myrdin. “You’re the first one I’ve met who has mentioned it.” 

Pulling back to speak clearly, he squeezed Myrdin’s hands back. “You may have many reasons to doubt me, but whatever you need of me, I’ll do all I can.” He lifted himself to his toes to plant a chaste kiss to the side of Myrdin’s mouth.  “You have all of me,” he reassured. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head to give Aloe a second, more lingering kiss, before pulling away. He smile felt tired, but it came easily.

“I have no cause to doubt you, but I don’t know if I have words for how much I appreciate that sentiment, Aloe.”

He went to his saddle bags and began pulling out rolled up maps and notes that he had borrowed from the conjurer’s guild (with a little smooth talking), and started spreading them out on the floor before Bertram’s hearth, talking as he went.

“Let me see if I can’t get us on the same page. I don’t exactly what my family is doing, but I think it involves some kind of black magic. They’re exactly the kind of people who would seek illicit means to gain more power. If that’s the case…”

He pointed to an fragile and tattered map showing the ancient city.

“Then what I need to counter that should be somewhere in here. White magic. Unfortunately the Padjals don’t teach that to anyone, but I feel that if I go here, to Amdapor… I should be able to find something that’ll help me.”

He was really trimming the fat of his explanation, but he Aloe seemed sharp, so he trusted him to know what he was getting at.

“Amdapor, historically, was the hub of white magic before that was banned, too. Technically, by going there, I’m breaking several Gridanian laws. But if it’ll give me what I need to stop them, I’m willing to do it. On top of all that, Bertram tells me that the city has become very dangerous over the last several years.”

Myrdin gestured to a few old drawings made by people who had explored the city, showing strange mold-like webbing clinging to crumbling stone. He looked back to Aloe, smiling at him.

“I trust you when you say you’ll do anything to help, but if you have any hesitance, I won’t begrudge you that.”

[aloeviiera]

The dreamy kiss-tinged expression dropped into that of complete focus and the fluttering feeling in his stomach faded as Myrdin unrolled his maps. Allowing himself to run his finger along the pages to keep up, Aloe studied them with great intent, burning he images into his mind and absorbing all Myrdin had to say. Unfamiliar words nibbled at him and he held onto some terminology and relinquished the ones to ask about later. Was Amdapor buried under ruin and legislation for public safety or did the Gridanians know something else lingered beneath the remains, he wondered. 

He leaned in over the drawings taking note of the strange details the explorers added, deliberate in their presentation rather than some artistic interpretation. Aloe absorbed fully into the pages before him, nearly blind to Myrdin’s gestures and expressions. 

As his eyes flicked from one scroll to the next. “The popularity of Amdapor’s magicks must’ve caused its downfall if it were banned,” he thought out loud, circling to the other side of Myrdin’s pile to study those too. 

Aloe let out a breath, troubled by the burden Myrdin endured because of the enigmatic sins of his family. “It does seem quite dangerous…” He paced around to ensure he didn’t miss a single detail. 

“Alright,” he moved back to Myrdin’s side, sliding an arm around Myrdin’s waist, eyeing the map one more time. “If this is all you have, then I should be prepared.” “We’ll be cautious,” he said, seriously.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin stretched slowly before leaning against Aloe with a sigh. His body was still aching and tired.

“I’ll be as cautious as someone looking for calamity-causing magicks could be,” he said with wry laugh.

He tipped his head on top of Aloe’s, nudging against one of his long lupine ears, as he looked at the parchment spread out around them. He felt both hesitant and eager, but most of all, relieved.

“I was prepared to enter these places on my own, but I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Having your help in this is invaluable, and will make the whole venture much safer, even if it’s still very dangerous.”

He paused, absorbing the comfort of having someone by his side. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it before.

“Once Bertram is back with Vayu, we should have time to reach Amdapor before I’m caught up with again. They’ll be unlikely to follow us into the city at the very least, unless forced.”

[aloeviiera]

Butterflies returned, fluttering about in his stomach. Aloe rarely liked the feeling of his ears being touched but he couldn’t help blush at the proximity of Myrdin’s face, imagining his lips nipping at the base of it. But more than that, the feeling of being a support to Myrdin’s weight as he leaned into him ignited something in his heart again. Yet it was quickly crushed by the sobering reality at hand. The hunters and Myrdin’s family are likely to find them– find Myrdin– again.

Aloe frowned at that. He hoped whatever Amdapor hid could free Myrdin in the end. “Until Bertram does return, perhaps you should get some more rest.” He rubbed the small of Myrdin’s back, urging him to return to the bed. 

“I saw some vegetables in the kitchen. Would Bertram mind too much if we helped ourselves? I can fix something up for you.” Aloe never thought himself much of a culinarian, but he could be resourceful when needed. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad, and Myrdin wouldn’t hate him for it. 

“Is there anything you dislike to eat?” he said, already making his way to the kitchen. He remembered Myrdin enjoyed flavorful, savory foods. 

He touched his ear and blushed. 

[myrdinisarrel]

“By all means, he won’t mind at all,” Myrdin said with a dismissive smile and a quiet laugh, “Bertram really likes cooking, so you can probably find anything you’d want if you dig around.”

Rather than laying down, Myrdin brushed off Aloe’s gentle guidance towards the bed, instead dragging a chair after Aloe. He ignored any concerned looks he might be receiving as made himself comfortable, leaning against the counter. He hummed thoughtfully at Aloe’s question, and then shrugged.

“Not really, no. I don’t think there’s anything wouldn’t eat,” he said, scratching the side of his neck pensively, “It’s actually a little embarrassing how long it took me to even enjoy food. But now I can usually find something to like about any dish.”

He rested his chin on a hand as he watched Aloe. He thought back to Aloe’s flood of questions the day before, and thought maybe it was fair for him to ask some of his own. He had an idea now that maybe the ways the had lived before meeting each other had more similarities than he would like… he would try to avoid touchier subjects.

“What about you? Things you don’t like? Or better yet, any favorites?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe gave Myrdin a small, playful pout as he made himself comfortable at the counter against Aloe’s recommendation. Myrdin proved to be a man who did what he pleased and Aloe couldn’t bring himself to deny him anything, even if he wanted. But he wouldn’t reject the company either if it meant they could stay closer for longer. 

With what he perceived as permission from Myrdin, he began rummaging through Bertram’s cupboards and drawers, discovering baskets and boxes filled with different ingredients as Myrdin suggested. Aloe found himself hoping for more moments like these, believing in the normalcy and peace. Both of them lived far from mundane lives, but if it could be like this, he wouldn’t mind it.

Maybe they would have a chance after Amdapor. A part of him knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but most of him prayed that it would be– not in fear of the dangers but in anticipation of the future. Their future. 

He continued to explore some unfamiliar spices and produce, touching and smelling them before placing them back in their spots even a little neater than how he found them. He considered the question seriously, taking some cucumber and tomatoes into his arms, placing them on the counter.  “I eat most things,” he said, truthfully, though his experience meant that most things consisted of whatever he could forage or hunt. It wasn’t until he stepped over to the continent that he was able to even consider an even greater assortment of foodstuff or even consider purchasing meals prepared for him. He had to remember to add eating at a restaurant to his mental list of places to go with Myrdin since Aloe had been too hesitant to experience one. He felt silly having never gone all this time.  Aloe picked up a pumpkin resting at the side of the counter, knocking his knuckles against it in thought. “Um…” he cowered behind the pumpkin as he picked it up, nearly crushing it in his grip. 

Quietly, he mumbled, “I’m fond of pastries.” And cakes. And cookies. And pies. He remembered Myrdin didn’t prefer them. so he slowly peeked behind the giant vegetable to gauge his expression. 

He felt like a child, ashamed to admit that he craved desserts often but repressed those along with all his other wants and wishes. 

“But I dont know how to make them.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head, watching Aloe with interest as he selected his ingredients. How do you even cook a pumpkin, really? The expression Aloe made when he spoke of pastries had guilty pleasure written across his face. He’d be willing to bet there was some kind of sweet baked goods in the pantry, already made.

“I don’t know how to make pastries either. Simple foods are difficult enough for me as it is, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

He carefully stood and padded over to Bertram’s pantry, rummaging around through jars of preserves and paper-wrapped things. Apparently he was driven to satisfy any of Aloe’s indulgences. He continued speaking over his shoulder.

“Do you like to cook too? I always wished I had learned how. If you like things burnt or undercooked, then I’m your man.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe chuckled. The sound was soft but genuine and full of joy. Not at Myrdin’s inability to cook but he laughed admiring Myrdin’s ability to make light of his own shortcomings. Everything Myrdin did– or didn’t do– seemed so radiant while the mere thought of admitting Aloe’s own failings, his deficiencies, terrified him. 

He started hacking away at the vegetables, making them bitesize but he frowned when they ended up asymmetrical. “I can’t imagine it being that bad,” he tried to reassure Myrdin. “But I’m sure you could learn pretty quickly if you wanted to.” He moved onto the pumpkin, giving it a resounding whack with one of Bertram’s heavier knives. He lacked the speed and precision of a trained culinarian but had remarkable strength in his svelte arms to cut straight through with little resistance. He carved out the seeds and continued to cut the pumpkin into pieces, operating carefully to not dull Bertram’s blades or dirty his kitchen, maintaining his workspace well. 

“I-I’m not sure if I hate it or like it myself,” he answered truthfully, stumbling over his thoughts. He liked this whatever this was, he supposed. As a child, he was used to eating alone at the hearth after everyone had their fill. Cooking came later when he was sent off alone. Desperation was the instructor and survival was the reward for learning to cook. 

“I suppose… I like cooking for others…” he said slowly, discovering his feelings on it in the moment. Cooking for someone else meant there was someone else. 

 “I can show you what I know if that’s something you’re interested in,” he said, putting everything into the pot.

[myrdinisarrel]

“Ha, you’re welcome to try, but don’t hold out too much hope for success.”

He doubted Aloe could do much for him, but Myrdin still smiled at the thought as he added, “But it would be fun to try.”

Myrdin carefully rifled through the wrapped goods near the front of the pantry shelves, opening the brown paper wrapping just enough to see what was inside before carefully closing them back. He opened one that seemed to have some kind of sweet iced biscuit inside. He took one out and gave it a tentative bite, finding that it had some kind of berry filling inside. Too sweet, but they were soft and chewy.

“Hm… I think you’ll like these,” he said, picking up the package.

He turned and brought it over to where Aloe was cooking. He leaned against the counter next to him, glancing into the pot for a moment. Whatever he was making smelled fantastic. Seeing that Aloe had his hands occupied, Myrdin took one of the biscuits out of the package and held it up for him to take a bite of, intending to feed him while he worked.

“Try some. I don’t think one or two will spoil your meal.”

He gave Aloe the sweetest, most innocent smile he could muster.

[aloeviiera]

An almost sweetly painful pang in his heart nearly caused him to collapse on the spot thanks to Myrdin’s irresistible smile. The inexplicable gravity of the Elezen’s  charm forced him to lean into the counter for support, trying with all his might to continue his task at hand while his legs threatened to buckle. He could smell sugar coming off from Myrdin’s fingertips and couldn’t resist taking a careful nibble, not before glancing at Myrdin once again for permission.

It didn’t take long for the sweetness to hit his tongue, dragging his mind back to the first time he landed on this continent, experiencing kindness that first time. He resisted an absolutely primitive moan that escaped as a satisfied sigh instead as the memory washed over him. Now, he was being fed by the most exquisite man he’s ever met. Desserts were truly magical. 

Eyes nearly sparkling, face reddened, and eyebrows upturned with pleasure, he brought a hand to cover his mouth to hide a dumb grin, pretending to chew thoughtfully despite having inhaled the bite. He stole another less delicate bite before he moved the pot over to the fire, returning quickly to finish off the biscuit he purposefully chiseled down to temper his craving. 

Before Myrdin could pull his hand away, Aloe gently grabbed his wrist, sucking lightly on his finger tips, licking off the stubborn crumbs and icing that stuck around.

And just as quickly, he turned his back to Myrdin, moving back to the pot to stir the vegetables before they started sizzling. He hid his enflamed face in the heat of the fire, channeling all his shaky energy into his stirring arm as he wondered why he did that. 

[myrdinisarrel]

A rapid, searing heat burned in the pit of his stomach as Aloe turned away from. The soft, inviting warmth of Aloe’s mouth had paralyzed for a moment too long, making him unable to act before it was gone. It took everything Myrdin had to not immediately try to feed him another, but regretfully chose restraint. Otherwise, he was likely to distract Aloe too much.

“Maybe I should learn how to bake,” he wondered aloud, unable to keep the smile out of his voice.

He returned to his seat, setting the package on the counter nearby in case Aloe wanted to grab another. He couldn’t help bringing the chair a touch closer. The heat boiling within him had yet to go away, and he wanted to be close, but he didn’t want to get in Aloe’s way.

“You like cooking and sweets, but do you have any other growing interests? We could explore them together sometime.”

[aloeviiera]

Relief washed over him and Myrdin didn’t seem too bothered by his impulse, even seemingly enjoying it. But as he continued to supervise the fire and Myrdin continued to ask him about his interests, a strange feeling of being exposed ate at him. 

He soothed himself, rubbing warmth back into his arms that grew cold with Myrdin’s growing curiosity. Not unpleasant, but nerve-wracking. He feared answering incorrectly, but couldn’t sense a right answer to begin with. He found being uncovered– no, discovered– both exhilarating and exhausting. Though, chatting came easy and unrehearsed with Myrdin, learning about himself alongside him was a journey he didn’t realize he was taking and was wholly unprepared for. 

He kept his back turned to Myrdin, and at this point was over-stirring. Focus pulled Aloe’s mouth into a frown. What were his other interests now that he had the freedom to pursue them? The lack of experiences plagued him. Suddenly, he remembered the peace of weaving and tailoring as a kit, but those short-lived endeavors saddened him, so he wouldn’t mention that now.  

Realizing he had yet to respond, he hunted for the biscuits Myrdin placed on the counter, putting another in his mouth almost as an excuse not to speak while he sought an answer to his question. He was too embarrassed to be without one.

He supposed he had at least one growing interest…

He turned to Myrdin, looking down at the seated man with darkened, hungry eyes, hypnotized and unaware. Aloe brushed the crumbs from his lips with his thumb thinking about how Myrdin’s fingers felt against his mouth. He definitely wanted to do some kind of exploring together when Myrdin was fully healed.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin met Aloe’s stare with another sweet, mostly innocent smile. It was clear their thoughts were the same, and he was so internally frustrated that he had to try and rest. His mind was full of what-ifs and justifications and promises to be careful that he couldn’t voice, but he had to put them out of his mind. He knew that he couldn’t trust himself to do any of that.

Instead, he tried to dial his mind back to Aloe’s previous discomfort, to try and untangle it. Myrdin didn’t think that he himself would have solid answers to his own questions, so maybe it was the same for Aloe. It was hard to know which subjects were sensitive, but honestly he didn’t care what they talked about as long as he got to talk to Aloe more.

He let his eyes deliberately follow Aloe’s thumb as it traced his lips before meeting Aloe’s eyes and saying sweetly, “Don’t stare too long or you might burn your food. What are you making by the way?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe blinked away his fantasies, slapping the rest of the biscuits far from him across the counter. Frantically, he spun on his heels searching for his lost senses and composure and failing to remember what he was working on. He felt like a criminal, caught amidst the crime. 

Right. Food. He nearly split Bertram’s wooden spoon in two, gripping it as he stirred vigorously to prevent the vegetables from sticking to the bottom. He exhaled with relief, the dish was mostly saved. 

His voice had a slight tremble, shame lingering. “It’s not too unlike what Bertram prepared for us, I think. Nor is it very beautiful, but it should help you heal… faster.” 

His own mind betrayed him. “N-not for any particular reason other than to get you on your back– I mean get you back on your feet!” 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin’s eyes widened in surprise, before his mind in unfroze and confirmed that he had indeed heard correctly. The kitchen felt suddenly incredibly warm, and he couldn’t suppress the nervous laugh that bubbled out of him. Aloe looked mortified, and he might’ve felt the same if he’d let a statement like that slip. But he couldn’t deny the heat coiling within him at how good it felt to know with certainty that he was desired.

“Well, I hope it helps as you say.”

He feigned calm, carefully looking at his nails. Hopefully he wasn’t being too teasing, too nonchalant. He really enjoyed flirting with Aloe, liked making him flustered.

“I’d like to be healed and on my back… I mean my feet, as soon as possible.”

He spoke slowly and deliberately, mirroring Aloe’s mistake in a way that was anything but accidental.

[aloeviiera]

Aloe was not one for prayer. Given how he lived most of his life a spiritless puppet designed only to suffer, prayer worked little for him. But he found himself praying that Myrdin hadn’t heard Aloe’s mistake. And as before, prayer did nothing. And thus, his suffering continued. 

Aloe covered his face with his hands, reddened in every exposed part of him. Each word Myrdin spout out became too overwhelming to hear again. Even though Myrdin didn’t sound upset, Aloe feared that Myrdin would now see Aloe as someone who thought of only thought of him like that. 

He wanted to apologize but instead of a cool and winning explanation, he let out a whimper that sounded like he was on the verge of tears, which embarrassed him even more. He sunk further to the ground, where at least if embarrassment did actually kill him, the fall would be less dramatic. But it only made Aloe worry that Bertram would be left to clean up his body, so he couldn’t let that kill him.

“I’m sorry,” Aloe mumbled against his knees tucked into his chest, almost indecipherable with how tightly wound up he was. He was not going to survive if Amdapor was going to be like this. “I like you and I can’t stop making a fool of myself.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin smiled when Aloe blushed and covered his face, but it quickly fell when he heard the distressed sound and watched Aloe sink to the floor. He suddenly felt cold and heavy inside. Had he pushed to far? Had he touched on nerve he was unaware of?

“H-hey, hang on-”, he said as he pushed himself up from the chair, grimacing at his sore muscles but forced his body through it.

He knelt carefully near Aloe, hands hovering around him, unsure if it would be alright to touch him. From this vantage he could hear Aloe’s mumbling, and it plucked at a tender cord in his heart. He gently circled his arms around Aloe. It was almost too easy with how small he was trying to make himself.

“No, it’s I who should be sorry,” he smiled ruefully, pressing his face into Aloe’s hair.

“I like you very much, and thought it was adorable how flustered you were. A bit of fun gone too far. If you’re a fool for saying what we’re both thinking, then we can be fools together.”

[aloeviiera]

If it were even possible, Aloe curled into an even tighter ball against Myrdin’s dizzying kindness, stabilizing himself by rolling just slightly into his embrace. Although it wasn’t much fun for Aloe, he found he didn’t hate it either. The past two-odd summers proved difficult for Aloe to feel very competent in anything despite his best efforts. Yet Myrdin seemed to lure out his imperfections, welcomed it even, meeting him with reward-- this kind embrace-- rather than punishment.  

He let himself drown in Myrdin’s softened tone, comforted by the feel of him breathing into his hair. The words were simple, monosyllabic, and easy to understand, but he refused to unfurl, selfishly hanging onto them. He wanted to hear them again. And again. And again.  “I couldn’t hear you,” he pouted, wily, as he peaked his good eye between his fingers at Myrdin.   

[aloeviiera]

Amdapor is For Lovers (Part II) | @myrdinisarrel

[Part 1 here]

—————-

Sunlight found its way through the crack in the wall, breaking past the mossy blanket safeguarding Bertram’s home. As the room began to brighten, Aloe stirred. He was too warm, too comfortable, too spent, to get up immediately, that he dozed in an out again before his body started to ache, molded into the bed. 

He leaned on one elbow, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with a numbed hand slowly regaining life. They moved around in the night and it seemed Aloe’s arm found its way under Myrdin’s head. He shook out his wrist smiling at the pleasurable pain. 

He took in Myrdin’s sleeping form, absorbing the joy of waking next to him, before he gently peeled himself from the bed as quiet as possible. He examined Myrdin’s bandages before pulling the blanket over him, tucking him in so gently with a nervous hand and a full heart. 

You can ask anything of me, Aloe remembered hearing. He bent over to clean up the mess they made last night also in part to hide from the overwhelming sensation that invaded his heart. It was a gift he did not want to take for granted. He hoped it wasn’t a dream.

The thought of this being some fabricated affair, some kind of ploy, petrified him as he walked into Bertram’s kitchen. How long he stood there with his mind and heart at war, he didn’t know. The warm air of the cottage suddenly grew cold, and he returned to Myrdin’s bedside to put on the shirt Myrdin’s loaned him. He played with the hem to convince himself that this was real. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin was walking through miles of cold, dark stone, a twisting labyrinth he couldn’t make sense of. He was walking fast, his hand brushing the wall to help guide him in the darkness. Something was echoing in the corridors behind him, chasing after. It was gaining, and his heart was pounding. He tried to run, but something grabbed his collar, snatching him backwards. A soft feminine voice whispered in his ear, ‘You can’t run forever, Myrdin.’

He sat up with a gasp, drenched in a cold sweat. The memories of the cold stone and malevolent whispers started to evaporate like smoke, the way dreams tended to. He winced at the twinge of pain in his shoulder. He took a steadying breath, trying to still the hammering of his heart in his chest, to release it from the grip of fear. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, wiping the sweat away before opening his eyes.

Aloe sat nearby, once again dressed in Myrdin’s shirt, toying with the hem of it. He started to feel more at ease at the sight of him, even as he blushed at the memory of their conversation before sleep last night. Myrdin gave him a pensive smile.

“Good morning,” He half-mumbled, still a little groggy.

[aloeviiera]

It was Myrdin’s voice that pulled Aloe from his thoughts. Yet again, Myrdin was an anchor amidst the disquiet. Half startled and half delighted, Aloe moved to kneel beside the bed, eager to occupy, but not quite touching, Myrdin’s space. 

Aloe did notice a slight sobriety in Myrdin’s tone but was unsure if it’s simply due to the morning or something else. Was it Myrdin’s shoulder? Aloe still wasn’t convinced that wasn’t his fault. Did their sleeping position aggravate it? Aloe was to blame for that, too. Or maybe cleaning in the morning disrupted him. Aloe should have waited. 

As those thoughts wracked his mind, he turned his face away in shame, hoping to fix this somehow.

“How are you feeling? Did I wake you?” He managed to say, eyes already begging for forgiveness.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin shook himself a little, the haze of sleep clearing a little more. He actually felt quite well rested, if out of sorts.

“No, it wasn’t you,” he said, carefully stretching, “I may have sat up too quickly, but otherwise I feel well.”

He looked down at Aloe. Down? He tilted his head, now noticing that Aloe was on the floor next to him. He looked… deeply apologetic. Was that just his default expression? Or did he genuinely think he had something to apologize for? What could he have possibly done wrong in the mere minutes that Myrdin had been awake?

Myrdin carefully lowered himself on his good side to be closer to Aloe’s eye level, resting his head on his arm. He smiled still, even though he was quite confused. He reached out to gently brush Aloe’s hair away from his un-scarred eye.

“Why are you on the floor?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe had too many answers to offer but said nothing as he could only hold his breath as Myrdin moved in closer. Myrdin’s angelic smile washed away some of Aloe’s guilt as he stared through his good eye, hair brushed aside like a curtain. 

Even after last night… and the night before… and the night before that… Aloe still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. But Myrdin’s words from last night pushed away the thoughts that plagued Aloe in the morning and the thoughts he struggled to sort through now. Filled with an inexplicable, overwhelming feeling, Aloe sprang up on his knees to give Myrdin a sly yet sheepish peck on his lips, his hands gripping the sheets as he did so. 

“So I can do that,” he answered daringly, as he pulled away, his fingers nearly tearing holes into the bedsheets.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pressed his fingers to his lips, surprised, when Aloe pulled away. It was obvious that that wasn’t exactly the truth, but his adorable-yet-nervous expression was hard to argue with.

“If you say so,” he said, giving Aloe a coy smile.

He shifted slowly, bringing himself to sit on the edge of the bed next to Aloe. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Aloe’s cheek, next to the scar that marred it. It seemed uncouth to say that it made him more attractive, not knowing how he was injured, so he chose to keep that thought to himself for the time being. He carefully rose to his feet and glanced around, and then scoffed in annoyance.

“Did Bertram cut up one of my shirts again?” he muttered.

He was able to walk alright, if shakily, and crossed the room to his bags.

“He says that’s the safest way to do it, but I’m going to run out of shirts at this rate.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe stood slowly. 

“He did…,” he answered truthfully, the implication settling in. Bertram had let it slip before, but hearing it from Myrdin himself and how casual and light he made it sound, had the opposite effect. In the few days they’ve known each other, they were each struck with an arrow. How many where there before? And how many would come after? 

Aloe knew the scorn of family, but the thought of being hunted made his heart ache every time. He touched his scar as he looked between Myrdin, sorting through his bag, and the shield Bertram loaned him. Would he even be of any use even if he was better equipped? He had to be. He told Bertram he would.

He was starting to share Myrdin’s anger for his family, regardless if Myrdin allowed him to or not. 

“I don’t want you to go through anymore shirts,” was all Aloe could bring himself to say, crossing his arms to keep himself from rushing Myrdin and embracing him.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pulled on something loose, just to be a little covered. He laughed wryly, anxiously rubbing at one of his arms.

“I don’t either, but my family hasn’t been giving me much choice in the matter.”

He couldn’t stop a pensive sadness from cutting into his voice. He was asking so much of Aloe to even be associated with him. But he didn’t want Aloe to leave either. Maybe he should say something…

“Aloe… I-”, he paused, trying to work up the courage, “I know I asked you to come with me, but… I can’t ask that in good conscience without making it perfectly clear how dangerous it is.”

The words started to spill out of him before he could stop them. But if he wasn’t honest, and something terrible happened as a result, he would never forgive himself.

“I won’t send you away, I can’t-,” he was surprised by how strongly he felt that, how badly he wanted Aloe to stay, “but I’m going to be attacked again. I can’t know when, or where, but they’ll find me.”

He couldn’t look Aloe in the eyes, his mind repeating the memory of Aloe getting hurt over and over.

“I want you to stay with me, to… be… with me, but I would never be upset with you for deciding it’s too much.”

[aloeviiera]

“Too much?” Aloe echoed. Already, he was taking large strides to reach Myrdin, throwing his arms around him from behind as he nuzzled against his back. Fear, concern, happiness, gratitude, sorrow– it all hit him at once and he buried himself between Myrdin’s shoulder blades, wanting to crawl in him and help carry his heavy heart. 

“Nothing would be too much.” He felt so wrong for feeling so happy to be wanted– and above all to be wanted by Myrdin– while Myrdin sounded so distraught. The dissonance nearly made him cry and his heart continued to ache for him.

He tried to urge Myrdin to turn, seeking Myrdin’s eyes as he put his hands on his shoulders. If he wanted to protect Myrdin, he had to rebuild the courage he lost.  He breathed in deeply before he stared intensely into Myrdin’s eyes as much as the other would allow.

“I w-want it, too. I want… you…” Aloe mumbled clumsily, his arms shaking, finding difficulty in expressing his wants, even if Myrdin allowed him to do so. “And I will leave only at your command. If you can’t tolerate me, I-I’ll… I’ll…” Aloe couldn’t finish, he didn’t even want to think of it. The pain of leaving home broke him and he wouldn’t survive being discarded a second time.

“To the ends of the universe, and beyond that, too. Please, let me stay.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin looked at Aloe with wide eyes as the Viera clung to him. The way he pleaded to stay, in spite of everything they’d already been through, in spite of the troubles that were certainly still to come. His frantic voice and hands trembling on Myrdin’s shoulders spoke directly to Myrdin’s heart. He grabbed Aloe’s face in his own gently shaking hands.

“Aloe, I’m not letting you stay,” he said quietly. He traced the scar on Aloe’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s your choice to stay. I don’t own you.”

He pulled Aloe in against his chest, pressing his face into the top of Aloe’s head. He felt like his heart was fit to burst. He couldn’t help letting some of that joy bleed into his voice. He could never ask Aloe to leave.

“But hearing that you want to stay,” he said, smiling against Aloe’s hair, “It honors me greatly that you would, even knowing the danger.”

[aloeviiera]

I don’t own you.

I don’t own you.

Aloe sank into Myrdin’s embrace unsure how he felt about the sentiment. It was both familiar and new, reminding him of his exile– no longer owned, no longer wanted– but giving him an unexpected sense of, what he supposed was, freedom. Myrdin’s gentle stroke against his scar only reminded him that the past didn’t want him back and they never expected him to have a future. They also never expected for Aloe to meet someone like Myrdin.

Freedom, choice. Aloe had to learn to adjust to it.

“Myrdin…” He wiggled out of Myrdin’s chest, still finding his voice. “You said I could ask anything of you.” It felt strange, so picked at Myrdin’s shirt.

“After we head South, would you like to eat by the pier with me again?” Aloe had such a good time then… before the hunters came.

And almost as to prove that Aloe was more than willing to face whatever dangers followed Myrdin, he mimicked Myrdin’s own nonchalance.

“No interruptions this time.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin felt his smile growing as Aloe went on. It was truly a sweet idea, to try again, to hopefully have a better time. He would have to make things right first, but it gave him even more to work towards. It was strange how such a small thing could make him happy. He laughed, feeling warm and light.

“Is that all? Of course we can do that, I would love to!” He grabbed one of Aloe’s hands, pressing his face against the back of it.

Myrdin didn’t know how else to let out some of his nervous energy, and being affectionate with Aloe came so easily. He laughed anxiously, intertwining their fingers together. Making plans that didn’t involve the more dire aspects of his life was felt strange and new.

“Once I do what I can to deal with the situation with my family, I’ll go anywhere with you. Anywhere you want.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe rarely thought about the future in this way. But every time, it excited him. He held Myrdin’s hands tightly, pushing against him and dragging him along childishly until they were practically waltzing in room. Aloe spouted off places he heard in passing, big cities, small towns, places he’s never seen, places he’s been before– rambling about the things they could do together, things he’d always wanted to do when he once fantasized about leaving for the city. Passerby would never guess beneath his gloomy disposition, Aloe was this much of a romantic. He was almost eager to deal with whatever needed to be dealt with.

“And then if you’re up for it we’d walk the shoreline of Costa Del Sol…. ah, I got carried away…” Aloe retreated slightly, looking away more out of embarrassment than anything else, but he didn’t shirk away from Myrdin and kept holding his hand. 

You make me really happy, he wanted to say. Is this too good to be true?

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin let himself be led around the room, following Aloe wherever his tangential thoughts led him. He looked so warm, so open as he spoke of the future. Myrdin couldn’t help smiling, even as darker thoughts began to boil up in the back of his mind.

Could he have this? Was it safe, or would they take this away from him too?

He gripped Aloe’s hand in reassurance when he seemed to realize he had gotten ahead of himself. Myrdin wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to reassure.

“It’s alright, that all sounds lovely,” he said warmly, and then added, a little more tense, “unfortunately where I’m headed next may not be so charming.”

He held Aloe’s hand in both of his then, thumbs tracing the back of it.

“You don’t know much of Amdapor, do you? Since you aren’t from around here?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe burrowed his flushed face into Myrdin’s chest, in part embarrassed by his ramblings, self-conscious of his ignorance, and the disappointing end to his fantasies. “No,” he mumbled apologetically against Myrdin. “You’re the first one I’ve met who has mentioned it.” 

Pulling back to speak clearly, he squeezed Myrdin’s hands back. “You may have many reasons to doubt me, but whatever you need of me, I’ll do all I can.” He lifted himself to his toes to plant a chaste kiss to the side of Myrdin’s mouth.  “You have all of me,” he reassured. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head to give Aloe a second, more lingering kiss, before pulling away. He smile felt tired, but it came easily.

“I have no cause to doubt you, but I don’t know if I have words for how much I appreciate that sentiment, Aloe.”

He went to his saddle bags and began pulling out rolled up maps and notes that he had borrowed from the conjurer’s guild (with a little smooth talking), and started spreading them out on the floor before Bertram’s hearth, talking as he went.

“Let me see if I can’t get us on the same page. I don’t exactly what my family is doing, but I think it involves some kind of black magic. They’re exactly the kind of people who would seek illicit means to gain more power. If that’s the case…”

He pointed to an fragile and tattered map showing the ancient city.

“Then what I need to counter that should be somewhere in here. White magic. Unfortunately the Padjals don’t teach that to anyone, but I feel that if I go here, to Amdapor… I should be able to find something that’ll help me.”

He was really trimming the fat of his explanation, but he Aloe seemed sharp, so he trusted him to know what he was getting at.

“Amdapor, historically, was the hub of white magic before that was banned, too. Technically, by going there, I’m breaking several Gridanian laws. But if it’ll give me what I need to stop them, I’m willing to do it. On top of all that, Bertram tells me that the city has become very dangerous over the last several years.”

Myrdin gestured to a few old drawings made by people who had explored the city, showing strange mold-like webbing clinging to crumbling stone. He looked back to Aloe, smiling at him.

“I trust you when you say you’ll do anything to help, but if you have any hesitance, I won’t begrudge you that.”

[aloeviiera]

The dreamy kiss-tinged expression dropped into that of complete focus and the fluttering feeling in his stomach faded as Myrdin unrolled his maps. Allowing himself to run his finger along the pages to keep up, Aloe studied them with great intent, burning he images into his mind and absorbing all Myrdin had to say. Unfamiliar words nibbled at him and he held onto some terminology and relinquished the ones to ask about later. Was Amdapor buried under ruin and legislation for public safety or did the Gridanians know something else lingered beneath the remains, he wondered. 

He leaned in over the drawings taking note of the strange details the explorers added, deliberate in their presentation rather than some artistic interpretation. Aloe absorbed fully into the pages before him, nearly blind to Myrdin’s gestures and expressions. 

As his eyes flicked from one scroll to the next. “The popularity of Amdapor’s magicks must’ve caused its downfall if it were banned,” he thought out loud, circling to the other side of Myrdin’s pile to study those too. 

Aloe let out a breath, troubled by the burden Myrdin endured because of the enigmatic sins of his family. “It does seem quite dangerous…” He paced around to ensure he didn’t miss a single detail. 

“Alright,” he moved back to Myrdin’s side, sliding an arm around Myrdin’s waist, eyeing the map one more time. “If this is all you have, then I should be prepared.” “We’ll be cautious,” he said, seriously.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin stretched slowly before leaning against Aloe with a sigh. His body was still aching and tired.

“I’ll be as cautious as someone looking for calamity-causing magicks could be,” he said with wry laugh.

He tipped his head on top of Aloe’s, nudging against one of his long lupine ears, as he looked at the parchment spread out around them. He felt both hesitant and eager, but most of all, relieved.

“I was prepared to enter these places on my own, but I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Having your help in this is invaluable, and will make the whole venture much safer, even if it’s still very dangerous.”

He paused, absorbing the comfort of having someone by his side. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it before.

“Once Bertram is back with Vayu, we should have time to reach Amdapor before I’m caught up with again. They’ll be unlikely to follow us into the city at the very least, unless forced.”

[aloeviiera]

Butterflies returned, fluttering about in his stomach. Aloe rarely liked the feeling of his ears being touched but he couldn’t help blush at the proximity of Myrdin’s face, imagining his lips nipping at the base of it. But more than that, the feeling of being a support to Myrdin’s weight as he leaned into him ignited something in his heart again. Yet it was quickly crushed by the sobering reality at hand. The hunters and Myrdin’s family are likely to find them– find Myrdin– again.

Aloe frowned at that. He hoped whatever Amdapor hid could free Myrdin in the end. “Until Bertram does return, perhaps you should get some more rest.” He rubbed the small of Myrdin’s back, urging him to return to the bed. 

“I saw some vegetables in the kitchen. Would Bertram mind too much if we helped ourselves? I can fix something up for you.” Aloe never thought himself much of a culinarian, but he could be resourceful when needed. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad, and Myrdin wouldn’t hate him for it. 

“Is there anything you dislike to eat?” he said, already making his way to the kitchen. He remembered Myrdin enjoyed flavorful, savory foods. 

He touched his ear and blushed. 

[myrdinisarrel]

“By all means, he won’t mind at all,” Myrdin said with a dismissive smile and a quiet laugh, “Bertram really likes cooking, so you can probably find anything you’d want if you dig around.”

Rather than laying down, Myrdin brushed off Aloe’s gentle guidance towards the bed, instead dragging a chair after Aloe. He ignored any concerned looks he might be receiving as made himself comfortable, leaning against the counter. He hummed thoughtfully at Aloe’s question, and then shrugged.

“Not really, no. I don’t think there’s anything wouldn’t eat,” he said, scratching the side of his neck pensively, “It’s actually a little embarrassing how long it took me to even enjoy food. But now I can usually find something to like about any dish.”

He rested his chin on a hand as he watched Aloe. He thought back to Aloe’s flood of questions the day before, and thought maybe it was fair for him to ask some of his own. He had an idea now that maybe the ways the had lived before meeting each other had more similarities than he would like… he would try to avoid touchier subjects.

“What about you? Things you don’t like? Or better yet, any favorites?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe gave Myrdin a small, playful pout as he made himself comfortable at the counter against Aloe’s recommendation. Myrdin proved to be a man who did what he pleased and Aloe couldn’t bring himself to deny him anything, even if he wanted. But he wouldn’t reject the company either if it meant they could stay closer for longer. 

With what he perceived as permission from Myrdin, he began rummaging through Bertram’s cupboards and drawers, discovering baskets and boxes filled with different ingredients as Myrdin suggested. Aloe found himself hoping for more moments like these, believing in the normalcy and peace. Both of them lived far from mundane lives, but if it could be like this, he wouldn’t mind it.

Maybe they would have a chance after Amdapor. A part of him knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but most of him prayed that it would be– not in fear of the dangers but in anticipation of the future. Their future. 

He continued to explore some unfamiliar spices and produce, touching and smelling them before placing them back in their spots even a little neater than how he found them. He considered the question seriously, taking some cucumber and tomatoes into his arms, placing them on the counter.  “I eat most things,” he said, truthfully, though his experience meant that most things consisted of whatever he could forage or hunt. It wasn’t until he stepped over to the continent that he was able to even consider an even greater assortment of foodstuff or even consider purchasing meals prepared for him. He had to remember to add eating at a restaurant to his mental list of places to go with Myrdin since Aloe had been too hesitant to experience one. He felt silly having never gone all this time.  Aloe picked up a pumpkin resting at the side of the counter, knocking his knuckles against it in thought. “Um…” he cowered behind the pumpkin as he picked it up, nearly crushing it in his grip. 

Quietly, he mumbled, “I’m fond of pastries.” And cakes. And cookies. And pies. He remembered Myrdin didn’t prefer them. so he slowly peeked behind the giant vegetable to gauge his expression. 

He felt like a child, ashamed to admit that he craved desserts often but repressed those along with all his other wants and wishes. 

“But I dont know how to make them.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head, watching Aloe with interest as he selected his ingredients. How do you even cook a pumpkin, really? The expression Aloe made when he spoke of pastries had guilty pleasure written across his face. He’d be willing to bet there was some kind of sweet baked goods in the pantry, already made.

“I don’t know how to make pastries either. Simple foods are difficult enough for me as it is, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

He carefully stood and padded over to Bertram’s pantry, rummaging around through jars of preserves and paper-wrapped things. Apparently he was driven to satisfy any of Aloe’s indulgences. He continued speaking over his shoulder.

“Do you like to cook too? I always wished I had learned how. If you like things burnt or undercooked, then I’m your man.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe chuckled. The sound was soft but genuine and full of joy. Not at Myrdin’s inability to cook but he laughed admiring Myrdin’s ability to make light of his own shortcomings. Everything Myrdin did– or didn’t do– seemed so radiant while the mere thought of admitting Aloe’s own failings, his deficiencies, terrified him. 

He started hacking away at the vegetables, making them bitesize but he frowned when they ended up asymmetrical. “I can’t imagine it being that bad,” he tried to reassure Myrdin. “But I’m sure you could learn pretty quickly if you wanted to.” He moved onto the pumpkin, giving it a resounding whack with one of Bertram’s heavier knives. He lacked the speed and precision of a trained culinarian but had remarkable strength in his svelte arms to cut straight through with little resistance. He carved out the seeds and continued to cut the pumpkin into pieces, operating carefully to not dull Bertram’s blades or dirty his kitchen, maintaining his workspace well. 

“I-I’m not sure if I hate it or like it myself,” he answered truthfully, stumbling over his thoughts. He liked this whatever this was, he supposed. As a child, he was used to eating alone at the hearth after everyone had their fill. Cooking came later when he was sent off alone. Desperation was the instructor and survival was the reward for learning to cook. 

“I suppose… I like cooking for others…” he said slowly, discovering his feelings on it in the moment. Cooking for someone else meant there was someone else. 

 “I can show you what I know if that’s something you’re interested in,” he said, putting everything into the pot.

[myrdinisarrel]

“Ha, you’re welcome to try, but don’t hold out too much hope for success.”

He doubted Aloe could do much for him, but Myrdin still smiled at the thought as he added, “But it would be fun to try.”

Myrdin carefully rifled through the wrapped goods near the front of the pantry shelves, opening the brown paper wrapping just enough to see what was inside before carefully closing them back. He opened one that seemed to have some kind of sweet iced biscuit inside. He took one out and gave it a tentative bite, finding that it had some kind of berry filling inside. Too sweet, but they were soft and chewy.

“Hm… I think you’ll like these,” he said, picking up the package.

He turned and brought it over to where Aloe was cooking. He leaned against the counter next to him, glancing into the pot for a moment. Whatever he was making smelled fantastic. Seeing that Aloe had his hands occupied, Myrdin took one of the biscuits out of the package and held it up for him to take a bite of, intending to feed him while he worked.

“Try some. I don’t think one or two will spoil your meal.”

He gave Aloe the sweetest, most innocent smile he could muster.

[aloeviiera]

An almost sweetly painful pang in his heart nearly caused him to collapse on the spot thanks to Myrdin’s irresistible smile. The inexplicable gravity of the Elezen’s  charm forced him to lean into the counter for support, trying with all his might to continue his task at hand while his legs threatened to buckle. He could smell sugar coming off from Myrdin’s fingertips and couldn’t resist taking a careful nibble, not before glancing at Myrdin once again for permission.

It didn’t take long for the sweetness to hit his tongue, dragging his mind back to the first time he landed on this continent, experiencing kindness that first time. He resisted an absolutely primitive moan that escaped as a satisfied sigh instead as the memory washed over him. Now, he was being fed by the most exquisite man he’s ever met. Desserts were truly magical. 

Eyes nearly sparkling, face reddened, and eyebrows upturned with pleasure, he brought a hand to cover his mouth to hide a dumb grin, pretending to chew thoughtfully despite having inhaled the bite. He stole another less delicate bite before he moved the pot over to the fire, returning quickly to finish off the biscuit he purposefully chiseled down to temper his craving. 

Before Myrdin could pull his hand away, Aloe gently grabbed his wrist, sucking lightly on his finger tips, licking off the stubborn crumbs and icing that stuck around.

And just as quickly, he turned his back to Myrdin, moving back to the pot to stir the vegetables before they started sizzling. He hid his enflamed face in the heat of the fire, channeling all his shaky energy into his stirring arm as he wondered why he did that. 

[myrdinisarrel]

A rapid, searing heat burned in the pit of his stomach as Aloe turned away from. The soft, inviting warmth of Aloe’s mouth had paralyzed for a moment too long, making him unable to act before it was gone. It took everything Myrdin had to not immediately try to feed him another, but regretfully chose restraint. Otherwise, he was likely to distract Aloe too much.

“Maybe I should learn how to bake,” he wondered aloud, unable to keep the smile out of his voice.

He returned to his seat, setting the package on the counter nearby in case Aloe wanted to grab another. He couldn’t help bringing the chair a touch closer. The heat boiling within him had yet to go away, and he wanted to be close, but he didn’t want to get in Aloe’s way.

“You like cooking and sweets, but do you have any other growing interests? We could explore them together sometime.”

[aloeviiera]

Relief washed over him and Myrdin didn’t seem too bothered by his impulse, even seemingly enjoying it. But as he continued to supervise the fire and Myrdin continued to ask him about his interests, a strange feeling of being exposed ate at him. 

He soothed himself, rubbing warmth back into his arms that grew cold with Myrdin’s growing curiosity. Not unpleasant, but nerve-wracking. He feared answering incorrectly, but couldn’t sense a right answer to begin with. He found being uncovered– no, discovered– both exhilarating and exhausting. Though, chatting came easy and unrehearsed with Myrdin, learning about himself alongside him was a journey he didn’t realize he was taking and was wholly unprepared for. 

He kept his back turned to Myrdin, and at this point was over-stirring. Focus pulled Aloe’s mouth into a frown. What were his other interests now that he had the freedom to pursue them? The lack of experiences plagued him. Suddenly, he remembered the peace of weaving and tailoring as a kit, but those short-lived endeavors saddened him, so he wouldn’t mention that now.  

Realizing he had yet to respond, he hunted for the biscuits Myrdin placed on the counter, putting another in his mouth almost as an excuse not to speak while he sought an answer to his question. He was too embarrassed to be without one.

He supposed he had at least one growing interest…

He turned to Myrdin, looking down at the seated man with darkened, hungry eyes, hypnotized and unaware. Aloe brushed the crumbs from his lips with his thumb thinking about how Myrdin’s fingers felt against his mouth. He definitely wanted to do some kind of exploring together when Myrdin was fully healed.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin met Aloe’s stare with another sweet, mostly innocent smile. It was clear their thoughts were the same, and he was so internally frustrated that he had to try and rest. His mind was full of what-ifs and justifications and promises to be careful that he couldn’t voice, but he had to put them out of his mind. He knew that he couldn’t trust himself to do any of that.

Instead, he tried to dial his mind back to Aloe’s previous discomfort, to try and untangle it. Myrdin didn’t think that he himself would have solid answers to his own questions, so maybe it was the same for Aloe. It was hard to know which subjects were sensitive, but honestly he didn’t care what they talked about as long as he got to talk to Aloe more.

He let his eyes deliberately follow Aloe’s thumb as it traced his lips before meeting Aloe’s eyes and saying sweetly, “Don’t stare too long or you might burn your food. What are you making by the way?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe blinked away his fantasies, slapping the rest of the biscuits far from him across the counter. Frantically, he spun on his heels searching for his lost senses and composure and failing to remember what he was working on. He felt like a criminal, caught amidst the crime. 

Right. Food. He nearly split Bertram’s wooden spoon in two, gripping it as he stirred vigorously to prevent the vegetables from sticking to the bottom. He exhaled with relief, the dish was mostly saved. 

His voice had a slight tremble, shame lingering. “It’s not too unlike what Bertram prepared for us, I think. Nor is it very beautiful, but it should help you heal… faster.” 

His own mind betrayed him. “N-not for any particular reason other than to get you on your back– I mean get you back on your feet!” 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin’s eyes widened in surprise, before his mind in unfroze and confirmed that he had indeed heard correctly. The kitchen felt suddenly incredibly warm, and he couldn’t suppress the nervous laugh that bubbled out of him. Aloe looked mortified, and he might’ve felt the same if he’d let a statement like that slip. But he couldn’t deny the heat coiling within him at how good it felt to know with certainty that he was desired.

“Well, I hope it helps as you say.”

He feigned calm, carefully looking at his nails. Hopefully he wasn’t being too teasing, too nonchalant. He really enjoyed flirting with Aloe, liked making him flustered.

“I’d like to be healed and on my back… I mean my feet, as soon as possible.”

He spoke slowly and deliberately, mirroring Aloe’s mistake in a way that was anything but accidental.

[aloeviiera]

Aloe was not one for prayer. Given how he lived most of his life a spiritless puppet designed only to suffer, prayer worked little for him. But he found himself praying that Myrdin hadn’t heard Aloe’s mistake. And as before, prayer did nothing. And thus, his suffering continued. 

Aloe covered his face with his hands, reddened in every exposed part of him. Each word Myrdin spout out became too overwhelming to hear again. Even though Myrdin didn’t sound upset, Aloe feared that Myrdin would now see Aloe as someone who thought of only thought of him like that. 

He wanted to apologize but instead of a cool and winning explanation, he let out a whimper that sounded like he was on the verge of tears, which embarrassed him even more. He sunk further to the ground, where at least if embarrassment did actually kill him, the fall would be less dramatic. But it only made Aloe worry that Bertram would be left to clean up his body, so he couldn’t let that kill him.

“I’m sorry,” Aloe mumbled against his knees tucked into his chest, almost indecipherable with how tightly wound up he was. He was not going to survive if Amdapor was going to be like this. “I like you and I can’t stop making a fool of myself.”

[aloeviiera]

Amdapor is For Lovers (Part II) | @myrdinisarrel

[Part 1 here]

—————-

Sunlight found its way through the crack in the wall, breaking past the mossy blanket safeguarding Bertram’s home. As the room began to brighten, Aloe stirred. He was too warm, too comfortable, too spent, to get up immediately, that he dozed in an out again before his body started to ache, molded into the bed. 

He leaned on one elbow, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with a numbed hand slowly regaining life. They moved around in the night and it seemed Aloe’s arm found its way under Myrdin’s head. He shook out his wrist smiling at the pleasurable pain. 

He took in Myrdin’s sleeping form, absorbing the joy of waking next to him, before he gently peeled himself from the bed as quiet as possible. He examined Myrdin’s bandages before pulling the blanket over him, tucking him in so gently with a nervous hand and a full heart. 

You can ask anything of me, Aloe remembered hearing. He bent over to clean up the mess they made last night also in part to hide from the overwhelming sensation that invaded his heart. It was a gift he did not want to take for granted. He hoped it wasn’t a dream.

The thought of this being some fabricated affair, some kind of ploy, petrified him as he walked into Bertram’s kitchen. How long he stood there with his mind and heart at war, he didn’t know. The warm air of the cottage suddenly grew cold, and he returned to Myrdin’s bedside to put on the shirt Myrdin’s loaned him. He played with the hem to convince himself that this was real. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin was walking through miles of cold, dark stone, a twisting labyrinth he couldn’t make sense of. He was walking fast, his hand brushing the wall to help guide him in the darkness. Something was echoing in the corridors behind him, chasing after. It was gaining, and his heart was pounding. He tried to run, but something grabbed his collar, snatching him backwards. A soft feminine voice whispered in his ear, ‘You can’t run forever, Myrdin.’

He sat up with a gasp, drenched in a cold sweat. The memories of the cold stone and malevolent whispers started to evaporate like smoke, the way dreams tended to. He winced at the twinge of pain in his shoulder. He took a steadying breath, trying to still the hammering of his heart in his chest, to release it from the grip of fear. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, wiping the sweat away before opening his eyes.

Aloe sat nearby, once again dressed in Myrdin’s shirt, toying with the hem of it. He started to feel more at ease at the sight of him, even as he blushed at the memory of their conversation before sleep last night. Myrdin gave him a pensive smile.

“Good morning,” He half-mumbled, still a little groggy.

[aloeviiera]

It was Myrdin’s voice that pulled Aloe from his thoughts. Yet again, Myrdin was an anchor amidst the disquiet. Half startled and half delighted, Aloe moved to kneel beside the bed, eager to occupy, but not quite touching, Myrdin’s space. 

Aloe did notice a slight sobriety in Myrdin’s tone but was unsure if it’s simply due to the morning or something else. Was it Myrdin’s shoulder? Aloe still wasn’t convinced that wasn’t his fault. Did their sleeping position aggravate it? Aloe was to blame for that, too. Or maybe cleaning in the morning disrupted him. Aloe should have waited. 

As those thoughts wracked his mind, he turned his face away in shame, hoping to fix this somehow.

“How are you feeling? Did I wake you?” He managed to say, eyes already begging for forgiveness.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin shook himself a little, the haze of sleep clearing a little more. He actually felt quite well rested, if out of sorts.

“No, it wasn’t you,” he said, carefully stretching, “I may have sat up too quickly, but otherwise I feel well.”

He looked down at Aloe. Down? He tilted his head, now noticing that Aloe was on the floor next to him. He looked… deeply apologetic. Was that just his default expression? Or did he genuinely think he had something to apologize for? What could he have possibly done wrong in the mere minutes that Myrdin had been awake?

Myrdin carefully lowered himself on his good side to be closer to Aloe’s eye level, resting his head on his arm. He smiled still, even though he was quite confused. He reached out to gently brush Aloe’s hair away from his un-scarred eye.

“Why are you on the floor?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe had too many answers to offer but said nothing as he could only hold his breath as Myrdin moved in closer. Myrdin’s angelic smile washed away some of Aloe’s guilt as he stared through his good eye, hair brushed aside like a curtain. 

Even after last night… and the night before… and the night before that… Aloe still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. But Myrdin’s words from last night pushed away the thoughts that plagued Aloe in the morning and the thoughts he struggled to sort through now. Filled with an inexplicable, overwhelming feeling, Aloe sprang up on his knees to give Myrdin a sly yet sheepish peck on his lips, his hands gripping the sheets as he did so. 

“So I can do that,” he answered daringly, as he pulled away, his fingers nearly tearing holes into the bedsheets.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pressed his fingers to his lips, surprised, when Aloe pulled away. It was obvious that that wasn’t exactly the truth, but his adorable-yet-nervous expression was hard to argue with.

“If you say so,” he said, giving Aloe a coy smile.

He shifted slowly, bringing himself to sit on the edge of the bed next to Aloe. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Aloe’s cheek, next to the scar that marred it. It seemed uncouth to say that it made him more attractive, not knowing how he was injured, so he chose to keep that thought to himself for the time being. He carefully rose to his feet and glanced around, and then scoffed in annoyance.

“Did Bertram cut up one of my shirts again?” he muttered.

He was able to walk alright, if shakily, and crossed the room to his bags.

“He says that’s the safest way to do it, but I’m going to run out of shirts at this rate.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe stood slowly. 

“He did…,” he answered truthfully, the implication settling in. Bertram had let it slip before, but hearing it from Myrdin himself and how casual and light he made it sound, had the opposite effect. In the few days they’ve known each other, they were each struck with an arrow. How many where there before? And how many would come after? 

Aloe knew the scorn of family, but the thought of being hunted made his heart ache every time. He touched his scar as he looked between Myrdin, sorting through his bag, and the shield Bertram loaned him. Would he even be of any use even if he was better equipped? He had to be. He told Bertram he would.

He was starting to share Myrdin’s anger for his family, regardless if Myrdin allowed him to or not. 

“I don’t want you to go through anymore shirts,” was all Aloe could bring himself to say, crossing his arms to keep himself from rushing Myrdin and embracing him.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pulled on something loose, just to be a little covered. He laughed wryly, anxiously rubbing at one of his arms.

“I don’t either, but my family hasn’t been giving me much choice in the matter.”

He couldn’t stop a pensive sadness from cutting into his voice. He was asking so much of Aloe to even be associated with him. But he didn’t want Aloe to leave either. Maybe he should say something…

“Aloe… I-”, he paused, trying to work up the courage, “I know I asked you to come with me, but… I can’t ask that in good conscience without making it perfectly clear how dangerous it is.”

The words started to spill out of him before he could stop them. But if he wasn’t honest, and something terrible happened as a result, he would never forgive himself.

“I won’t send you away, I can’t-,” he was surprised by how strongly he felt that, how badly he wanted Aloe to stay, “but I’m going to be attacked again. I can’t know when, or where, but they’ll find me.”

He couldn’t look Aloe in the eyes, his mind repeating the memory of Aloe getting hurt over and over.

“I want you to stay with me, to… be… with me, but I would never be upset with you for deciding it’s too much.”

[aloeviiera]

“Too much?” Aloe echoed. Already, he was taking large strides to reach Myrdin, throwing his arms around him from behind as he nuzzled against his back. Fear, concern, happiness, gratitude, sorrow– it all hit him at once and he buried himself between Myrdin’s shoulder blades, wanting to crawl in him and help carry his heavy heart. 

“Nothing would be too much.” He felt so wrong for feeling so happy to be wanted– and above all to be wanted by Myrdin– while Myrdin sounded so distraught. The dissonance nearly made him cry and his heart continued to ache for him.

He tried to urge Myrdin to turn, seeking Myrdin’s eyes as he put his hands on his shoulders. If he wanted to protect Myrdin, he had to rebuild the courage he lost.  He breathed in deeply before he stared intensely into Myrdin’s eyes as much as the other would allow.

“I w-want it, too. I want… you…” Aloe mumbled clumsily, his arms shaking, finding difficulty in expressing his wants, even if Myrdin allowed him to do so. “And I will leave only at your command. If you can’t tolerate me, I-I’ll… I’ll…” Aloe couldn’t finish, he didn’t even want to think of it. The pain of leaving home broke him and he wouldn’t survive being discarded a second time.

“To the ends of the universe, and beyond that, too. Please, let me stay.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin looked at Aloe with wide eyes as the Viera clung to him. The way he pleaded to stay, in spite of everything they’d already been through, in spite of the troubles that were certainly still to come. His frantic voice and hands trembling on Myrdin’s shoulders spoke directly to Myrdin’s heart. He grabbed Aloe’s face in his own gently shaking hands.

“Aloe, I’m not letting you stay,” he said quietly. He traced the scar on Aloe’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s your choice to stay. I don’t own you.”

He pulled Aloe in against his chest, pressing his face into the top of Aloe’s head. He felt like his heart was fit to burst. He couldn’t help letting some of that joy bleed into his voice. He could never ask Aloe to leave.

“But hearing that you want to stay,” he said, smiling against Aloe’s hair, “It honors me greatly that you would, even knowing the danger.”

[aloeviiera]

I don’t own you.

I don’t own you.

Aloe sank into Myrdin’s embrace unsure how he felt about the sentiment. It was both familiar and new, reminding him of his exile– no longer owned, no longer wanted– but giving him an unexpected sense of, what he supposed was, freedom. Myrdin’s gentle stroke against his scar only reminded him that the past didn’t want him back and they never expected him to have a future. They also never expected for Aloe to meet someone like Myrdin.

Freedom, choice. Aloe had to learn to adjust to it.

“Myrdin…” He wiggled out of Myrdin’s chest, still finding his voice. “You said I could ask anything of you.” It felt strange, so picked at Myrdin’s shirt.

“After we head South, would you like to eat by the pier with me again?” Aloe had such a good time then… before the hunters came.

And almost as to prove that Aloe was more than willing to face whatever dangers followed Myrdin, he mimicked Myrdin’s own nonchalance.

“No interruptions this time.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin felt his smile growing as Aloe went on. It was truly a sweet idea, to try again, to hopefully have a better time. He would have to make things right first, but it gave him even more to work towards. It was strange how such a small thing could make him happy. He laughed, feeling warm and light.

“Is that all? Of course we can do that, I would love to!” He grabbed one of Aloe’s hands, pressing his face against the back of it.

Myrdin didn’t know how else to let out some of his nervous energy, and being affectionate with Aloe came so easily. He laughed anxiously, intertwining their fingers together. Making plans that didn’t involve the more dire aspects of his life was felt strange and new.

“Once I do what I can to deal with the situation with my family, I’ll go anywhere with you. Anywhere you want.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe rarely thought about the future in this way. But every time, it excited him. He held Myrdin’s hands tightly, pushing against him and dragging him along childishly until they were practically waltzing in room. Aloe spouted off places he heard in passing, big cities, small towns, places he’s never seen, places he’s been before– rambling about the things they could do together, things he’d always wanted to do when he once fantasized about leaving for the city. Passerby would never guess beneath his gloomy disposition, Aloe was this much of a romantic. He was almost eager to deal with whatever needed to be dealt with.

“And then if you’re up for it we’d walk the shoreline of Costa Del Sol…. ah, I got carried away…” Aloe retreated slightly, looking away more out of embarrassment than anything else, but he didn’t shirk away from Myrdin and kept holding his hand. 

You make me really happy, he wanted to say. Is this too good to be true?

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin let himself be led around the room, following Aloe wherever his tangential thoughts led him. He looked so warm, so open as he spoke of the future. Myrdin couldn’t help smiling, even as darker thoughts began to boil up in the back of his mind.

Could he have this? Was it safe, or would they take this away from him too?

He gripped Aloe’s hand in reassurance when he seemed to realize he had gotten ahead of himself. Myrdin wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to reassure.

“It’s alright, that all sounds lovely,” he said warmly, and then added, a little more tense, “unfortunately where I’m headed next may not be so charming.”

He held Aloe’s hand in both of his then, thumbs tracing the back of it.

“You don’t know much of Amdapor, do you? Since you aren’t from around here?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe burrowed his flushed face into Myrdin’s chest, in part embarrassed by his ramblings, self-conscious of his ignorance, and the disappointing end to his fantasies. “No,” he mumbled apologetically against Myrdin. “You’re the first one I’ve met who has mentioned it.” 

Pulling back to speak clearly, he squeezed Myrdin’s hands back. “You may have many reasons to doubt me, but whatever you need of me, I’ll do all I can.” He lifted himself to his toes to plant a chaste kiss to the side of Myrdin’s mouth.  “You have all of me,” he reassured. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head to give Aloe a second, more lingering kiss, before pulling away. He smile felt tired, but it came easily.

“I have no cause to doubt you, but I don’t know if I have words for how much I appreciate that sentiment, Aloe.”

He went to his saddle bags and began pulling out rolled up maps and notes that he had borrowed from the conjurer’s guild (with a little smooth talking), and started spreading them out on the floor before Bertram’s hearth, talking as he went.

“Let me see if I can’t get us on the same page. I don’t exactly what my family is doing, but I think it involves some kind of black magic. They’re exactly the kind of people who would seek illicit means to gain more power. If that’s the case…”

He pointed to an fragile and tattered map showing the ancient city.

“Then what I need to counter that should be somewhere in here. White magic. Unfortunately the Padjals don’t teach that to anyone, but I feel that if I go here, to Amdapor… I should be able to find something that’ll help me.”

He was really trimming the fat of his explanation, but he Aloe seemed sharp, so he trusted him to know what he was getting at.

“Amdapor, historically, was the hub of white magic before that was banned, too. Technically, by going there, I’m breaking several Gridanian laws. But if it’ll give me what I need to stop them, I’m willing to do it. On top of all that, Bertram tells me that the city has become very dangerous over the last several years.”

Myrdin gestured to a few old drawings made by people who had explored the city, showing strange mold-like webbing clinging to crumbling stone. He looked back to Aloe, smiling at him.

“I trust you when you say you’ll do anything to help, but if you have any hesitance, I won’t begrudge you that.”

[aloeviiera]

The dreamy kiss-tinged expression dropped into that of complete focus and the fluttering feeling in his stomach faded as Myrdin unrolled his maps. Allowing himself to run his finger along the pages to keep up, Aloe studied them with great intent, burning he images into his mind and absorbing all Myrdin had to say. Unfamiliar words nibbled at him and he held onto some terminology and relinquished the ones to ask about later. Was Amdapor buried under ruin and legislation for public safety or did the Gridanians know something else lingered beneath the remains, he wondered. 

He leaned in over the drawings taking note of the strange details the explorers added, deliberate in their presentation rather than some artistic interpretation. Aloe absorbed fully into the pages before him, nearly blind to Myrdin’s gestures and expressions. 

As his eyes flicked from one scroll to the next. “The popularity of Amdapor’s magicks must’ve caused its downfall if it were banned,” he thought out loud, circling to the other side of Myrdin’s pile to study those too. 

Aloe let out a breath, troubled by the burden Myrdin endured because of the enigmatic sins of his family. “It does seem quite dangerous…” He paced around to ensure he didn’t miss a single detail. 

“Alright,” he moved back to Myrdin’s side, sliding an arm around Myrdin’s waist, eyeing the map one more time. “If this is all you have, then I should be prepared.” “We’ll be cautious,” he said, seriously.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin stretched slowly before leaning against Aloe with a sigh. His body was still aching and tired.

“I’ll be as cautious as someone looking for calamity-causing magicks could be,” he said with wry laugh.

He tipped his head on top of Aloe’s, nudging against one of his long lupine ears, as he looked at the parchment spread out around them. He felt both hesitant and eager, but most of all, relieved.

“I was prepared to enter these places on my own, but I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Having your help in this is invaluable, and will make the whole venture much safer, even if it’s still very dangerous.”

He paused, absorbing the comfort of having someone by his side. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it before.

“Once Bertram is back with Vayu, we should have time to reach Amdapor before I’m caught up with again. They’ll be unlikely to follow us into the city at the very least, unless forced.”

[aloeviiera]

Butterflies returned, fluttering about in his stomach. Aloe rarely liked the feeling of his ears being touched but he couldn’t help blush at the proximity of Myrdin’s face, imagining his lips nipping at the base of it. But more than that, the feeling of being a support to Myrdin’s weight as he leaned into him ignited something in his heart again. Yet it was quickly crushed by the sobering reality at hand. The hunters and Myrdin’s family are likely to find them– find Myrdin– again.

Aloe frowned at that. He hoped whatever Amdapor hid could free Myrdin in the end. “Until Bertram does return, perhaps you should get some more rest.” He rubbed the small of Myrdin’s back, urging him to return to the bed. 

“I saw some vegetables in the kitchen. Would Bertram mind too much if we helped ourselves? I can fix something up for you.” Aloe never thought himself much of a culinarian, but he could be resourceful when needed. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad, and Myrdin wouldn’t hate him for it. 

“Is there anything you dislike to eat?” he said, already making his way to the kitchen. He remembered Myrdin enjoyed flavorful, savory foods. 

He touched his ear and blushed. 

[myrdinisarrel]

“By all means, he won’t mind at all,” Myrdin said with a dismissive smile and a quiet laugh, “Bertram really likes cooking, so you can probably find anything you’d want if you dig around.”

Rather than laying down, Myrdin brushed off Aloe’s gentle guidance towards the bed, instead dragging a chair after Aloe. He ignored any concerned looks he might be receiving as made himself comfortable, leaning against the counter. He hummed thoughtfully at Aloe’s question, and then shrugged.

“Not really, no. I don’t think there’s anything wouldn’t eat,” he said, scratching the side of his neck pensively, “It’s actually a little embarrassing how long it took me to even enjoy food. But now I can usually find something to like about any dish.”

He rested his chin on a hand as he watched Aloe. He thought back to Aloe’s flood of questions the day before, and thought maybe it was fair for him to ask some of his own. He had an idea now that maybe the ways the had lived before meeting each other had more similarities than he would like… he would try to avoid touchier subjects.

“What about you? Things you don’t like? Or better yet, any favorites?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe gave Myrdin a small, playful pout as he made himself comfortable at the counter against Aloe’s recommendation. Myrdin proved to be a man who did what he pleased and Aloe couldn’t bring himself to deny him anything, even if he wanted. But he wouldn’t reject the company either if it meant they could stay closer for longer. 

With what he perceived as permission from Myrdin, he began rummaging through Bertram’s cupboards and drawers, discovering baskets and boxes filled with different ingredients as Myrdin suggested. Aloe found himself hoping for more moments like these, believing in the normalcy and peace. Both of them lived far from mundane lives, but if it could be like this, he wouldn’t mind it.

Maybe they would have a chance after Amdapor. A part of him knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but most of him prayed that it would be– not in fear of the dangers but in anticipation of the future. Their future. 

He continued to explore some unfamiliar spices and produce, touching and smelling them before placing them back in their spots even a little neater than how he found them. He considered the question seriously, taking some cucumber and tomatoes into his arms, placing them on the counter.  “I eat most things,” he said, truthfully, though his experience meant that most things consisted of whatever he could forage or hunt. It wasn’t until he stepped over to the continent that he was able to even consider an even greater assortment of foodstuff or even consider purchasing meals prepared for him. He had to remember to add eating at a restaurant to his mental list of places to go with Myrdin since Aloe had been too hesitant to experience one. He felt silly having never gone all this time.  Aloe picked up a pumpkin resting at the side of the counter, knocking his knuckles against it in thought. “Um…” he cowered behind the pumpkin as he picked it up, nearly crushing it in his grip. 

Quietly, he mumbled, “I’m fond of pastries.” And cakes. And cookies. And pies. He remembered Myrdin didn’t prefer them. so he slowly peeked behind the giant vegetable to gauge his expression. 

He felt like a child, ashamed to admit that he craved desserts often but repressed those along with all his other wants and wishes. 

“But I dont know how to make them.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head, watching Aloe with interest as he selected his ingredients. How do you even cook a pumpkin, really? The expression Aloe made when he spoke of pastries had guilty pleasure written across his face. He’d be willing to bet there was some kind of sweet baked goods in the pantry, already made.

“I don’t know how to make pastries either. Simple foods are difficult enough for me as it is, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

He carefully stood and padded over to Bertram’s pantry, rummaging around through jars of preserves and paper-wrapped things. Apparently he was driven to satisfy any of Aloe’s indulgences. He continued speaking over his shoulder.

“Do you like to cook too? I always wished I had learned how. If you like things burnt or undercooked, then I’m your man.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe chuckled. The sound was soft but genuine and full of joy. Not at Myrdin’s inability to cook but he laughed admiring Myrdin’s ability to make light of his own shortcomings. Everything Myrdin did– or didn’t do– seemed so radiant while the mere thought of admitting Aloe’s own failings, his deficiencies, terrified him. 

He started hacking away at the vegetables, making them bitesize but he frowned when they ended up asymmetrical. “I can’t imagine it being that bad,” he tried to reassure Myrdin. “But I’m sure you could learn pretty quickly if you wanted to.” He moved onto the pumpkin, giving it a resounding whack with one of Bertram’s heavier knives. He lacked the speed and precision of a trained culinarian but had remarkable strength in his svelte arms to cut straight through with little resistance. He carved out the seeds and continued to cut the pumpkin into pieces, operating carefully to not dull Bertram’s blades or dirty his kitchen, maintaining his workspace well. 

“I-I’m not sure if I hate it or like it myself,” he answered truthfully, stumbling over his thoughts. He liked this whatever this was, he supposed. As a child, he was used to eating alone at the hearth after everyone had their fill. Cooking came later when he was sent off alone. Desperation was the instructor and survival was the reward for learning to cook. 

“I suppose… I like cooking for others…” he said slowly, discovering his feelings on it in the moment. Cooking for someone else meant there was someone else. 

 “I can show you what I know if that’s something you’re interested in,” he said, putting everything into the pot.

[myrdinisarrel]

“Ha, you’re welcome to try, but don’t hold out too much hope for success.”

He doubted Aloe could do much for him, but Myrdin still smiled at the thought as he added, “But it would be fun to try.”

Myrdin carefully rifled through the wrapped goods near the front of the pantry shelves, opening the brown paper wrapping just enough to see what was inside before carefully closing them back. He opened one that seemed to have some kind of sweet iced biscuit inside. He took one out and gave it a tentative bite, finding that it had some kind of berry filling inside. Too sweet, but they were soft and chewy.

“Hm… I think you’ll like these,” he said, picking up the package.

He turned and brought it over to where Aloe was cooking. He leaned against the counter next to him, glancing into the pot for a moment. Whatever he was making smelled fantastic. Seeing that Aloe had his hands occupied, Myrdin took one of the biscuits out of the package and held it up for him to take a bite of, intending to feed him while he worked.

“Try some. I don’t think one or two will spoil your meal.”

He gave Aloe the sweetest, most innocent smile he could muster.

[aloeviiera]

An almost sweetly painful pang in his heart nearly caused him to collapse on the spot thanks to Myrdin’s irresistible smile. The inexplicable gravity of the Elezen’s  charm forced him to lean into the counter for support, trying with all his might to continue his task at hand while his legs threatened to buckle. He could smell sugar coming off from Myrdin’s fingertips and couldn’t resist taking a careful nibble, not before glancing at Myrdin once again for permission.

It didn’t take long for the sweetness to hit his tongue, dragging his mind back to the first time he landed on this continent, experiencing kindness that first time. He resisted an absolutely primitive moan that escaped as a satisfied sigh instead as the memory washed over him. Now, he was being fed by the most exquisite man he’s ever met. Desserts were truly magical. 

Eyes nearly sparkling, face reddened, and eyebrows upturned with pleasure, he brought a hand to cover his mouth to hide a dumb grin, pretending to chew thoughtfully despite having inhaled the bite. He stole another less delicate bite before he moved the pot over to the fire, returning quickly to finish off the biscuit he purposefully chiseled down to temper his craving. 

Before Myrdin could pull his hand away, Aloe gently grabbed his wrist, sucking lightly on his finger tips, licking off the stubborn crumbs and icing that stuck around.

And just as quickly, he turned his back to Myrdin, moving back to the pot to stir the vegetables before they started sizzling. He hid his enflamed face in the heat of the fire, channeling all his shaky energy into his stirring arm as he wondered why he did that. 

[myrdinisarrel]

A rapid, searing heat burned in the pit of his stomach as Aloe turned away from. The soft, inviting warmth of Aloe’s mouth had paralyzed for a moment too long, making him unable to act before it was gone. It took everything Myrdin had to not immediately try to feed him another, but regretfully chose restraint. Otherwise, he was likely to distract Aloe too much.

“Maybe I should learn how to bake,” he wondered aloud, unable to keep the smile out of his voice.

He returned to his seat, setting the package on the counter nearby in case Aloe wanted to grab another. He couldn’t help bringing the chair a touch closer. The heat boiling within him had yet to go away, and he wanted to be close, but he didn’t want to get in Aloe’s way.

“You like cooking and sweets, but do you have any other growing interests? We could explore them together sometime.”

[aloeviiera]

Relief washed over him and Myrdin didn’t seem too bothered by his impulse, even seemingly enjoying it. But as he continued to supervise the fire and Myrdin continued to ask him about his interests, a strange feeling of being exposed ate at him. 

He soothed himself, rubbing warmth back into his arms that grew cold with Myrdin’s growing curiosity. Not unpleasant, but nerve-wracking. He feared answering incorrectly, but couldn’t sense a right answer to begin with. He found being uncovered– no, discovered– both exhilarating and exhausting. Though, chatting came easy and unrehearsed with Myrdin, learning about himself alongside him was a journey he didn’t realize he was taking and was wholly unprepared for. 

He kept his back turned to Myrdin, and at this point was over-stirring. Focus pulled Aloe’s mouth into a frown. What were his other interests now that he had the freedom to pursue them? The lack of experiences plagued him. Suddenly, he remembered the peace of weaving and tailoring as a kit, but those short-lived endeavors saddened him, so he wouldn’t mention that now.  

Realizing he had yet to respond, he hunted for the biscuits Myrdin placed on the counter, putting another in his mouth almost as an excuse not to speak while he sought an answer to his question. He was too embarrassed to be without one.

He supposed he had at least one growing interest…

He turned to Myrdin, looking down at the seated man with darkened, hungry eyes, hypnotized and unaware. Aloe brushed the crumbs from his lips with his thumb thinking about how Myrdin’s fingers felt against his mouth. He definitely wanted to do some kind of exploring together when Myrdin was fully healed.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin met Aloe’s stare with another sweet, mostly innocent smile. It was clear their thoughts were the same, and he was so internally frustrated that he had to try and rest. His mind was full of what-ifs and justifications and promises to be careful that he couldn’t voice, but he had to put them out of his mind. He knew that he couldn’t trust himself to do any of that.

Instead, he tried to dial his mind back to Aloe’s previous discomfort, to try and untangle it. Myrdin didn’t think that he himself would have solid answers to his own questions, so maybe it was the same for Aloe. It was hard to know which subjects were sensitive, but honestly he didn’t care what they talked about as long as he got to talk to Aloe more.

He let his eyes deliberately follow Aloe’s thumb as it traced his lips before meeting Aloe’s eyes and saying sweetly, “Don’t stare too long or you might burn your food. What are you making by the way?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe blinked away his fantasies, slapping the rest of the biscuits far from him across the counter. Frantically, he spun on his heels searching for his lost senses and composure and failing to remember what he was working on. He felt like a criminal, caught amidst the crime. 

Right. Food. He nearly split Bertram’s wooden spoon in two, gripping it as he stirred vigorously to prevent the vegetables from sticking to the bottom. He exhaled with relief, the dish was mostly saved. 

His voice had a slight tremble, shame lingering. “It’s not too unlike what Bertram prepared for us, I think. Nor is it very beautiful, but it should help you heal... faster.” 

His own mind betrayed him. “N-not for any particular reason other than to get you on your back-- I mean get you back on your feet!” 

[aloeviiera]

Amdapor is For Lovers (Part II) | @myrdinisarrel

[Part 1 here]

—————-

Sunlight found its way through the crack in the wall, breaking past the mossy blanket safeguarding Bertram’s home. As the room began to brighten, Aloe stirred. He was too warm, too comfortable, too spent, to get up immediately, that he dozed in an out again before his body started to ache, molded into the bed. 

He leaned on one elbow, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with a numbed hand slowly regaining life. They moved around in the night and it seemed Aloe’s arm found its way under Myrdin’s head. He shook out his wrist smiling at the pleasurable pain. 

He took in Myrdin’s sleeping form, absorbing the joy of waking next to him, before he gently peeled himself from the bed as quiet as possible. He examined Myrdin’s bandages before pulling the blanket over him, tucking him in so gently with a nervous hand and a full heart. 

You can ask anything of me, Aloe remembered hearing. He bent over to clean up the mess they made last night also in part to hide from the overwhelming sensation that invaded his heart. It was a gift he did not want to take for granted. He hoped it wasn’t a dream.

The thought of this being some fabricated affair, some kind of ploy, petrified him as he walked into Bertram’s kitchen. How long he stood there with his mind and heart at war, he didn’t know. The warm air of the cottage suddenly grew cold, and he returned to Myrdin’s bedside to put on the shirt Myrdin’s loaned him. He played with the hem to convince himself that this was real. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin was walking through miles of cold, dark stone, a twisting labyrinth he couldn’t make sense of. He was walking fast, his hand brushing the wall to help guide him in the darkness. Something was echoing in the corridors behind him, chasing after. It was gaining, and his heart was pounding. He tried to run, but something grabbed his collar, snatching him backwards. A soft feminine voice whispered in his ear, ‘You can’t run forever, Myrdin.’

He sat up with a gasp, drenched in a cold sweat. The memories of the cold stone and malevolent whispers started to evaporate like smoke, the way dreams tended to. He winced at the twinge of pain in his shoulder. He took a steadying breath, trying to still the hammering of his heart in his chest, to release it from the grip of fear. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, wiping the sweat away before opening his eyes.

Aloe sat nearby, once again dressed in Myrdin’s shirt, toying with the hem of it. He started to feel more at ease at the sight of him, even as he blushed at the memory of their conversation before sleep last night. Myrdin gave him a pensive smile.

“Good morning,” He half-mumbled, still a little groggy.

[aloeviiera]

It was Myrdin’s voice that pulled Aloe from his thoughts. Yet again, Myrdin was an anchor amidst the disquiet. Half startled and half delighted, Aloe moved to kneel beside the bed, eager to occupy, but not quite touching, Myrdin’s space. 

Aloe did notice a slight sobriety in Myrdin’s tone but was unsure if it’s simply due to the morning or something else. Was it Myrdin’s shoulder? Aloe still wasn’t convinced that wasn’t his fault. Did their sleeping position aggravate it? Aloe was to blame for that, too. Or maybe cleaning in the morning disrupted him. Aloe should have waited. 

As those thoughts wracked his mind, he turned his face away in shame, hoping to fix this somehow.

“How are you feeling? Did I wake you?” He managed to say, eyes already begging for forgiveness.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin shook himself a little, the haze of sleep clearing a little more. He actually felt quite well rested, if out of sorts.

“No, it wasn’t you,” he said, carefully stretching, “I may have sat up too quickly, but otherwise I feel well.”

He looked down at Aloe. Down? He tilted his head, now noticing that Aloe was on the floor next to him. He looked… deeply apologetic. Was that just his default expression? Or did he genuinely think he had something to apologize for? What could he have possibly done wrong in the mere minutes that Myrdin had been awake?

Myrdin carefully lowered himself on his good side to be closer to Aloe’s eye level, resting his head on his arm. He smiled still, even though he was quite confused. He reached out to gently brush Aloe’s hair away from his un-scarred eye.

“Why are you on the floor?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe had too many answers to offer but said nothing as he could only hold his breath as Myrdin moved in closer. Myrdin’s angelic smile washed away some of Aloe’s guilt as he stared through his good eye, hair brushed aside like a curtain. 

Even after last night… and the night before… and the night before that… Aloe still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. But Myrdin’s words from last night pushed away the thoughts that plagued Aloe in the morning and the thoughts he struggled to sort through now. Filled with an inexplicable, overwhelming feeling, Aloe sprang up on his knees to give Myrdin a sly yet sheepish peck on his lips, his hands gripping the sheets as he did so. 

“So I can do that,” he answered daringly, as he pulled away, his fingers nearly tearing holes into the bedsheets.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pressed his fingers to his lips, surprised, when Aloe pulled away. It was obvious that that wasn’t exactly the truth, but his adorable-yet-nervous expression was hard to argue with.

“If you say so,” he said, giving Aloe a coy smile.

He shifted slowly, bringing himself to sit on the edge of the bed next to Aloe. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Aloe’s cheek, next to the scar that marred it. It seemed uncouth to say that it made him more attractive, not knowing how he was injured, so he chose to keep that thought to himself for the time being. He carefully rose to his feet and glanced around, and then scoffed in annoyance.

“Did Bertram cut up one of my shirts again?” he muttered.

He was able to walk alright, if shakily, and crossed the room to his bags.

“He says that’s the safest way to do it, but I’m going to run out of shirts at this rate.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe stood slowly. 

“He did…,” he answered truthfully, the implication settling in. Bertram had let it slip before, but hearing it from Myrdin himself and how casual and light he made it sound, had the opposite effect. In the few days they’ve known each other, they were each struck with an arrow. How many where there before? And how many would come after? 

Aloe knew the scorn of family, but the thought of being hunted made his heart ache every time. He touched his scar as he looked between Myrdin, sorting through his bag, and the shield Bertram loaned him. Would he even be of any use even if he was better equipped? He had to be. He told Bertram he would.

He was starting to share Myrdin’s anger for his family, regardless if Myrdin allowed him to or not. 

“I don’t want you to go through anymore shirts,” was all Aloe could bring himself to say, crossing his arms to keep himself from rushing Myrdin and embracing him.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pulled on something loose, just to be a little covered. He laughed wryly, anxiously rubbing at one of his arms.

“I don’t either, but my family hasn’t been giving me much choice in the matter.”

He couldn’t stop a pensive sadness from cutting into his voice. He was asking so much of Aloe to even be associated with him. But he didn’t want Aloe to leave either. Maybe he should say something…

“Aloe… I-”, he paused, trying to work up the courage, “I know I asked you to come with me, but… I can’t ask that in good conscience without making it perfectly clear how dangerous it is.”

The words started to spill out of him before he could stop them. But if he wasn’t honest, and something terrible happened as a result, he would never forgive himself.

“I won’t send you away, I can’t-,” he was surprised by how strongly he felt that, how badly he wanted Aloe to stay, “but I’m going to be attacked again. I can’t know when, or where, but they’ll find me.”

He couldn’t look Aloe in the eyes, his mind repeating the memory of Aloe getting hurt over and over.

“I want you to stay with me, to… be… with me, but I would never be upset with you for deciding it’s too much.”

[aloeviiera]

“Too much?” Aloe echoed. Already, he was taking large strides to reach Myrdin, throwing his arms around him from behind as he nuzzled against his back. Fear, concern, happiness, gratitude, sorrow– it all hit him at once and he buried himself between Myrdin’s shoulder blades, wanting to crawl in him and help carry his heavy heart. 

“Nothing would be too much.” He felt so wrong for feeling so happy to be wanted– and above all to be wanted by Myrdin– while Myrdin sounded so distraught. The dissonance nearly made him cry and his heart continued to ache for him.

He tried to urge Myrdin to turn, seeking Myrdin’s eyes as he put his hands on his shoulders. If he wanted to protect Myrdin, he had to rebuild the courage he lost.  He breathed in deeply before he stared intensely into Myrdin’s eyes as much as the other would allow.

“I w-want it, too. I want… you…” Aloe mumbled clumsily, his arms shaking, finding difficulty in expressing his wants, even if Myrdin allowed him to do so. “And I will leave only at your command. If you can’t tolerate me, I-I’ll… I’ll…” Aloe couldn’t finish, he didn’t even want to think of it. The pain of leaving home broke him and he wouldn’t survive being discarded a second time.

“To the ends of the universe, and beyond that, too. Please, let me stay.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin looked at Aloe with wide eyes as the Viera clung to him. The way he pleaded to stay, in spite of everything they’d already been through, in spite of the troubles that were certainly still to come. His frantic voice and hands trembling on Myrdin’s shoulders spoke directly to Myrdin’s heart. He grabbed Aloe’s face in his own gently shaking hands.

“Aloe, I’m not letting you stay,” he said quietly. He traced the scar on Aloe’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s your choice to stay. I don’t own you.”

He pulled Aloe in against his chest, pressing his face into the top of Aloe’s head. He felt like his heart was fit to burst. He couldn’t help letting some of that joy bleed into his voice. He could never ask Aloe to leave.

“But hearing that you want to stay,” he said, smiling against Aloe’s hair, “It honors me greatly that you would, even knowing the danger.”

[aloeviiera]

I don’t own you.

I don’t own you.

Aloe sank into Myrdin’s embrace unsure how he felt about the sentiment. It was both familiar and new, reminding him of his exile– no longer owned, no longer wanted– but giving him an unexpected sense of, what he supposed was, freedom. Myrdin’s gentle stroke against his scar only reminded him that the past didn’t want him back and they never expected him to have a future. They also never expected for Aloe to meet someone like Myrdin.

Freedom, choice. Aloe had to learn to adjust to it.

“Myrdin…” He wiggled out of Myrdin’s chest, still finding his voice. “You said I could ask anything of you.” It felt strange, so picked at Myrdin’s shirt.

“After we head South, would you like to eat by the pier with me again?” Aloe had such a good time then… before the hunters came.

And almost as to prove that Aloe was more than willing to face whatever dangers followed Myrdin, he mimicked Myrdin’s own nonchalance.

“No interruptions this time.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin felt his smile growing as Aloe went on. It was truly a sweet idea, to try again, to hopefully have a better time. He would have to make things right first, but it gave him even more to work towards. It was strange how such a small thing could make him happy. He laughed, feeling warm and light.

“Is that all? Of course we can do that, I would love to!” He grabbed one of Aloe’s hands, pressing his face against the back of it.

Myrdin didn’t know how else to let out some of his nervous energy, and being affectionate with Aloe came so easily. He laughed anxiously, intertwining their fingers together. Making plans that didn’t involve the more dire aspects of his life was felt strange and new.

“Once I do what I can to deal with the situation with my family, I’ll go anywhere with you. Anywhere you want.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe rarely thought about the future in this way. But every time, it excited him. He held Myrdin’s hands tightly, pushing against him and dragging him along childishly until they were practically waltzing in room. Aloe spouted off places he heard in passing, big cities, small towns, places he’s never seen, places he’s been before– rambling about the things they could do together, things he’d always wanted to do when he once fantasized about leaving for the city. Passerby would never guess beneath his gloomy disposition, Aloe was this much of a romantic. He was almost eager to deal with whatever needed to be dealt with.

“And then if you’re up for it we’d walk the shoreline of Costa Del Sol…. ah, I got carried away…” Aloe retreated slightly, looking away more out of embarrassment than anything else, but he didn’t shirk away from Myrdin and kept holding his hand. 

You make me really happy, he wanted to say. Is this too good to be true?

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin let himself be led around the room, following Aloe wherever his tangential thoughts led him. He looked so warm, so open as he spoke of the future. Myrdin couldn’t help smiling, even as darker thoughts began to boil up in the back of his mind.

Could he have this? Was it safe, or would they take this away from him too?

He gripped Aloe’s hand in reassurance when he seemed to realize he had gotten ahead of himself. Myrdin wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to reassure.

“It’s alright, that all sounds lovely,” he said warmly, and then added, a little more tense, “unfortunately where I’m headed next may not be so charming.”

He held Aloe’s hand in both of his then, thumbs tracing the back of it.

“You don’t know much of Amdapor, do you? Since you aren’t from around here?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe burrowed his flushed face into Myrdin’s chest, in part embarrassed by his ramblings, self-conscious of his ignorance, and the disappointing end to his fantasies. “No,” he mumbled apologetically against Myrdin. “You’re the first one I’ve met who has mentioned it.” 

Pulling back to speak clearly, he squeezed Myrdin’s hands back. “You may have many reasons to doubt me, but whatever you need of me, I’ll do all I can.” He lifted himself to his toes to plant a chaste kiss to the side of Myrdin’s mouth.  “You have all of me,” he reassured. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head to give Aloe a second, more lingering kiss, before pulling away. He smile felt tired, but it came easily.

“I have no cause to doubt you, but I don’t know if I have words for how much I appreciate that sentiment, Aloe.”

He went to his saddle bags and began pulling out rolled up maps and notes that he had borrowed from the conjurer’s guild (with a little smooth talking), and started spreading them out on the floor before Bertram’s hearth, talking as he went.

“Let me see if I can’t get us on the same page. I don’t exactly what my family is doing, but I think it involves some kind of black magic. They’re exactly the kind of people who would seek illicit means to gain more power. If that’s the case…”

He pointed to an fragile and tattered map showing the ancient city.

“Then what I need to counter that should be somewhere in here. White magic. Unfortunately the Padjals don’t teach that to anyone, but I feel that if I go here, to Amdapor… I should be able to find something that’ll help me.”

He was really trimming the fat of his explanation, but he Aloe seemed sharp, so he trusted him to know what he was getting at.

“Amdapor, historically, was the hub of white magic before that was banned, too. Technically, by going there, I’m breaking several Gridanian laws. But if it’ll give me what I need to stop them, I’m willing to do it. On top of all that, Bertram tells me that the city has become very dangerous over the last several years.”

Myrdin gestured to a few old drawings made by people who had explored the city, showing strange mold-like webbing clinging to crumbling stone. He looked back to Aloe, smiling at him.

“I trust you when you say you’ll do anything to help, but if you have any hesitance, I won’t begrudge you that.”

[aloeviiera]

The dreamy kiss-tinged expression dropped into that of complete focus and the fluttering feeling in his stomach faded as Myrdin unrolled his maps. Allowing himself to run his finger along the pages to keep up, Aloe studied them with great intent, burning he images into his mind and absorbing all Myrdin had to say. Unfamiliar words nibbled at him and he held onto some terminology and relinquished the ones to ask about later. Was Amdapor buried under ruin and legislation for public safety or did the Gridanians know something else lingered beneath the remains, he wondered. 

He leaned in over the drawings taking note of the strange details the explorers added, deliberate in their presentation rather than some artistic interpretation. Aloe absorbed fully into the pages before him, nearly blind to Myrdin’s gestures and expressions. 

As his eyes flicked from one scroll to the next. “The popularity of Amdapor’s magicks must’ve caused its downfall if it were banned,” he thought out loud, circling to the other side of Myrdin’s pile to study those too. 

Aloe let out a breath, troubled by the burden Myrdin endured because of the enigmatic sins of his family. “It does seem quite dangerous…” He paced around to ensure he didn’t miss a single detail. 

“Alright,” he moved back to Myrdin’s side, sliding an arm around Myrdin’s waist, eyeing the map one more time. “If this is all you have, then I should be prepared.” “We’ll be cautious,” he said, seriously.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin stretched slowly before leaning against Aloe with a sigh. His body was still aching and tired.

“I’ll be as cautious as someone looking for calamity-causing magicks could be,” he said with wry laugh.

He tipped his head on top of Aloe’s, nudging against one of his long lupine ears, as he looked at the parchment spread out around them. He felt both hesitant and eager, but most of all, relieved.

“I was prepared to enter these places on my own, but I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Having your help in this is invaluable, and will make the whole venture much safer, even if it’s still very dangerous.”

He paused, absorbing the comfort of having someone by his side. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it before.

“Once Bertram is back with Vayu, we should have time to reach Amdapor before I’m caught up with again. They’ll be unlikely to follow us into the city at the very least, unless forced.”

[aloeviiera]

Butterflies returned, fluttering about in his stomach. Aloe rarely liked the feeling of his ears being touched but he couldn’t help blush at the proximity of Myrdin’s face, imagining his lips nipping at the base of it. But more than that, the feeling of being a support to Myrdin’s weight as he leaned into him ignited something in his heart again. Yet it was quickly crushed by the sobering reality at hand. The hunters and Myrdin’s family are likely to find them– find Myrdin– again.

Aloe frowned at that. He hoped whatever Amdapor hid could free Myrdin in the end. “Until Bertram does return, perhaps you should get some more rest.” He rubbed the small of Myrdin’s back, urging him to return to the bed. 

“I saw some vegetables in the kitchen. Would Bertram mind too much if we helped ourselves? I can fix something up for you.” Aloe never thought himself much of a culinarian, but he could be resourceful when needed. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad, and Myrdin wouldn’t hate him for it. 

“Is there anything you dislike to eat?” he said, already making his way to the kitchen. He remembered Myrdin enjoyed flavorful, savory foods. 

He touched his ear and blushed. 

[myrdinisarrel]

“By all means, he won’t mind at all,” Myrdin said with a dismissive smile and a quiet laugh, “Bertram really likes cooking, so you can probably find anything you’d want if you dig around.”

Rather than laying down, Myrdin brushed off Aloe’s gentle guidance towards the bed, instead dragging a chair after Aloe. He ignored any concerned looks he might be receiving as made himself comfortable, leaning against the counter. He hummed thoughtfully at Aloe’s question, and then shrugged.

“Not really, no. I don’t think there’s anything wouldn’t eat,” he said, scratching the side of his neck pensively, “It’s actually a little embarrassing how long it took me to even enjoy food. But now I can usually find something to like about any dish.”

He rested his chin on a hand as he watched Aloe. He thought back to Aloe’s flood of questions the day before, and thought maybe it was fair for him to ask some of his own. He had an idea now that maybe the ways the had lived before meeting each other had more similarities than he would like… he would try to avoid touchier subjects.

“What about you? Things you don’t like? Or better yet, any favorites?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe gave Myrdin a small, playful pout as he made himself comfortable at the counter against Aloe’s recommendation. Myrdin proved to be a man who did what he pleased and Aloe couldn’t bring himself to deny him anything, even if he wanted. But he wouldn’t reject the company either if it meant they could stay closer for longer. 

With what he perceived as permission from Myrdin, he began rummaging through Bertram’s cupboards and drawers, discovering baskets and boxes filled with different ingredients as Myrdin suggested. Aloe found himself hoping for more moments like these, believing in the normalcy and peace. Both of them lived far from mundane lives, but if it could be like this, he wouldn’t mind it.

Maybe they would have a chance after Amdapor. A part of him knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but most of him prayed that it would be– not in fear of the dangers but in anticipation of the future. Their future. 

He continued to explore some unfamiliar spices and produce, touching and smelling them before placing them back in their spots even a little neater than how he found them. He considered the question seriously, taking some cucumber and tomatoes into his arms, placing them on the counter.  “I eat most things,” he said, truthfully, though his experience meant that most things consisted of whatever he could forage or hunt. It wasn’t until he stepped over to the continent that he was able to even consider an even greater assortment of foodstuff or even consider purchasing meals prepared for him. He had to remember to add eating at a restaurant to his mental list of places to go with Myrdin since Aloe had been too hesitant to experience one. He felt silly having never gone all this time.  Aloe picked up a pumpkin resting at the side of the counter, knocking his knuckles against it in thought. “Um…” he cowered behind the pumpkin as he picked it up, nearly crushing it in his grip. 

Quietly, he mumbled, “I’m fond of pastries.” And cakes. And cookies. And pies. He remembered Myrdin didn’t prefer them. so he slowly peeked behind the giant vegetable to gauge his expression. 

He felt like a child, ashamed to admit that he craved desserts often but repressed those along with all his other wants and wishes. 

“But I dont know how to make them.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head, watching Aloe with interest as he selected his ingredients. How do you even cook a pumpkin, really? The expression Aloe made when he spoke of pastries had guilty pleasure written across his face. He’d be willing to bet there was some kind of sweet baked goods in the pantry, already made.

“I don’t know how to make pastries either. Simple foods are difficult enough for me as it is, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

He carefully stood and padded over to Bertram’s pantry, rummaging around through jars of preserves and paper-wrapped things. Apparently he was driven to satisfy any of Aloe’s indulgences. He continued speaking over his shoulder.

“Do you like to cook too? I always wished I had learned how. If you like things burnt or undercooked, then I’m your man.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe chuckled. The sound was soft but genuine and full of joy. Not at Myrdin’s inability to cook but he laughed admiring Myrdin’s ability to make light of his own shortcomings. Everything Myrdin did– or didn’t do– seemed so radiant while the mere thought of admitting Aloe’s own failings, his deficiencies, terrified him. 

He started hacking away at the vegetables, making them bitesize but he frowned when they ended up asymmetrical. “I can’t imagine it being that bad,” he tried to reassure Myrdin. “But I’m sure you could learn pretty quickly if you wanted to.” He moved onto the pumpkin, giving it a resounding whack with one of Bertram’s heavier knives. He lacked the speed and precision of a trained culinarian but had remarkable strength in his svelte arms to cut straight through with little resistance. He carved out the seeds and continued to cut the pumpkin into pieces, operating carefully to not dull Bertram’s blades or dirty his kitchen, maintaining his workspace well. 

“I-I’m not sure if I hate it or like it myself,” he answered truthfully, stumbling over his thoughts. He liked this whatever this was, he supposed. As a child, he was used to eating alone at the hearth after everyone had their fill. Cooking came later when he was sent off alone. Desperation was the instructor and survival was the reward for learning to cook. 

“I suppose… I like cooking for others…” he said slowly, discovering his feelings on it in the moment. Cooking for someone else meant there was someone else. 

 “I can show you what I know if that’s something you’re interested in,” he said, putting everything into the pot.

[myrdinisarrel]

“Ha, you’re welcome to try, but don’t hold out too much hope for success.”

He doubted Aloe could do much for him, but Myrdin still smiled at the thought as he added, “But it would be fun to try.”

Myrdin carefully rifled through the wrapped goods near the front of the pantry shelves, opening the brown paper wrapping just enough to see what was inside before carefully closing them back. He opened one that seemed to have some kind of sweet iced biscuit inside. He took one out and gave it a tentative bite, finding that it had some kind of berry filling inside. Too sweet, but they were soft and chewy.

“Hm… I think you’ll like these,” he said, picking up the package.

He turned and brought it over to where Aloe was cooking. He leaned against the counter next to him, glancing into the pot for a moment. Whatever he was making smelled fantastic. Seeing that Aloe had his hands occupied, Myrdin took one of the biscuits out of the package and held it up for him to take a bite of, intending to feed him while he worked.

“Try some. I don’t think one or two will spoil your meal.”

He gave Aloe the sweetest, most innocent smile he could muster.

[aloeviiera]

An almost sweetly painful pang in his heart nearly caused him to collapse on the spot thanks to Myrdin’s irresistible smile. The inexplicable gravity of the Elezen’s  charm forced him to lean into the counter for support, trying with all his might to continue his task at hand while his legs threatened to buckle. He could smell sugar coming off from Myrdin’s fingertips and couldn’t resist taking a careful nibble, not before glancing at Myrdin once again for permission.

It didn’t take long for the sweetness to hit his tongue, dragging his mind back to the first time he landed on this continent, experiencing kindness that first time. He resisted an absolutely primitive moan that escaped as a satisfied sigh instead as the memory washed over him. Now, he was being fed by the most exquisite man he’s ever met. Desserts were truly magical. 

Eyes nearly sparkling, face reddened, and eyebrows upturned with pleasure, he brought a hand to cover his mouth to hide a dumb grin, pretending to chew thoughtfully despite having inhaled the bite. He stole another less delicate bite before he moved the pot over to the fire, returning quickly to finish off the biscuit he purposefully chiseled down to temper his craving. 

Before Myrdin could pull his hand away, Aloe gently grabbed his wrist, sucking lightly on his finger tips, licking off the stubborn crumbs and icing that stuck around.

And just as quickly, he turned his back to Myrdin, moving back to the pot to stir the vegetables before they started sizzling. He hid his enflamed face in the heat of the fire, channeling all his shaky energy into his stirring arm as he wondered why he did that. 

[myrdinisarrel]

A rapid, searing heat burned in the pit of his stomach as Aloe turned away from. The soft, inviting warmth of Aloe’s mouth had paralyzed for a moment too long, making him unable to act before it was gone. It took everything Myrdin had to not immediately try to feed him another, but regretfully chose restraint. Otherwise, he was likely to distract Aloe too much.

“Maybe I should learn how to bake,” he wondered aloud, unable to keep the smile out of his voice.

He returned to his seat, setting the package on the counter nearby in case Aloe wanted to grab another. He couldn’t help bringing the chair a touch closer. The heat boiling within him had yet to go away, and he wanted to be close, but he didn’t want to get in Aloe’s way.

“You like cooking and sweets, but do you have any other growing interests? We could explore them together sometime.”

[aloeviiera]

Relief washed over him and Myrdin didn’t seem too bothered by his impulse, even seemingly enjoying it. But as he continued to supervise the fire and Myrdin continued to ask him about his interests, a strange feeling of being exposed ate at him. 

He soothed himself, rubbing warmth back into his arms that grew cold with Myrdin’s growing curiosity. Not unpleasant, but nerve-wracking. He feared answering incorrectly, but couldn’t sense a right answer to begin with. He found being uncovered-- no, discovered-- both exhilarating and exhausting. Though, chatting came easy and unrehearsed with Myrdin, learning about himself alongside him was a journey he didn't realize he was taking and was wholly unprepared for. 

He kept his back turned to Myrdin, and at this point was over-stirring. Focus pulled Aloe’s mouth into a frown. What were his other interests now that he had the freedom to pursue them? The lack of experiences plagued him. Suddenly, he remembered the peace of weaving and tailoring as a kit, but those short-lived endeavors saddened him, so he wouldn’t mention that now.  

Realizing he had yet to respond, he hunted for the biscuits Myrdin placed on the counter, putting another in his mouth almost as an excuse not to speak while he sought an answer to his question. He was too embarrassed to be without one.

He supposed he had at least one growing interest...

He turned to Myrdin, looking down at the seated man with darkened, hungry eyes, hypnotized and unaware. Aloe brushed the crumbs from his lips with his thumb thinking about how Myrdin’s fingers felt against his mouth. He definitely wanted to do some kind of exploring together when Myrdin was fully healed.

[aloeviiera]

Amdapor is For Lovers (Part II) | @myrdinisarrel

[Part 1 here]

—————-

Sunlight found its way through the crack in the wall, breaking past the mossy blanket safeguarding Bertram’s home. As the room began to brighten, Aloe stirred. He was too warm, too comfortable, too spent, to get up immediately, that he dozed in an out again before his body started to ache, molded into the bed. 

He leaned on one elbow, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with a numbed hand slowly regaining life. They moved around in the night and it seemed Aloe’s arm found its way under Myrdin’s head. He shook out his wrist smiling at the pleasurable pain. 

He took in Myrdin’s sleeping form, absorbing the joy of waking next to him, before he gently peeled himself from the bed as quiet as possible. He examined Myrdin’s bandages before pulling the blanket over him, tucking him in so gently with a nervous hand and a full heart. 

You can ask anything of me, Aloe remembered hearing. He bent over to clean up the mess they made last night also in part to hide from the overwhelming sensation that invaded his heart. It was a gift he did not want to take for granted. He hoped it wasn’t a dream.

The thought of this being some fabricated affair, some kind of ploy, petrified him as he walked into Bertram’s kitchen. How long he stood there with his mind and heart at war, he didn’t know. The warm air of the cottage suddenly grew cold, and he returned to Myrdin’s bedside to put on the shirt Myrdin’s loaned him. He played with the hem to convince himself that this was real. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin was walking through miles of cold, dark stone, a twisting labyrinth he couldn’t make sense of. He was walking fast, his hand brushing the wall to help guide him in the darkness. Something was echoing in the corridors behind him, chasing after. It was gaining, and his heart was pounding. He tried to run, but something grabbed his collar, snatching him backwards. A soft feminine voice whispered in his ear, ‘You can’t run forever, Myrdin.’

He sat up with a gasp, drenched in a cold sweat. The memories of the cold stone and malevolent whispers started to evaporate like smoke, the way dreams tended to. He winced at the twinge of pain in his shoulder. He took a steadying breath, trying to still the hammering of his heart in his chest, to release it from the grip of fear. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, wiping the sweat away before opening his eyes.

Aloe sat nearby, once again dressed in Myrdin’s shirt, toying with the hem of it. He started to feel more at ease at the sight of him, even as he blushed at the memory of their conversation before sleep last night. Myrdin gave him a pensive smile.

“Good morning,” He half-mumbled, still a little groggy.

[aloeviiera]

It was Myrdin’s voice that pulled Aloe from his thoughts. Yet again, Myrdin was an anchor amidst the disquiet. Half startled and half delighted, Aloe moved to kneel beside the bed, eager to occupy, but not quite touching, Myrdin’s space. 

Aloe did notice a slight sobriety in Myrdin’s tone but was unsure if it’s simply due to the morning or something else. Was it Myrdin’s shoulder? Aloe still wasn’t convinced that wasn’t his fault. Did their sleeping position aggravate it? Aloe was to blame for that, too. Or maybe cleaning in the morning disrupted him. Aloe should have waited. 

As those thoughts wracked his mind, he turned his face away in shame, hoping to fix this somehow.

“How are you feeling? Did I wake you?” He managed to say, eyes already begging for forgiveness.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin shook himself a little, the haze of sleep clearing a little more. He actually felt quite well rested, if out of sorts.

“No, it wasn’t you,” he said, carefully stretching, “I may have sat up too quickly, but otherwise I feel well.”

He looked down at Aloe. Down? He tilted his head, now noticing that Aloe was on the floor next to him. He looked… deeply apologetic. Was that just his default expression? Or did he genuinely think he had something to apologize for? What could he have possibly done wrong in the mere minutes that Myrdin had been awake?

Myrdin carefully lowered himself on his good side to be closer to Aloe’s eye level, resting his head on his arm. He smiled still, even though he was quite confused. He reached out to gently brush Aloe’s hair away from his un-scarred eye.

“Why are you on the floor?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe had too many answers to offer but said nothing as he could only hold his breath as Myrdin moved in closer. Myrdin’s angelic smile washed away some of Aloe’s guilt as he stared through his good eye, hair brushed aside like a curtain. 

Even after last night… and the night before… and the night before that… Aloe still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. But Myrdin’s words from last night pushed away the thoughts that plagued Aloe in the morning and the thoughts he struggled to sort through now. Filled with an inexplicable, overwhelming feeling, Aloe sprang up on his knees to give Myrdin a sly yet sheepish peck on his lips, his hands gripping the sheets as he did so. 

“So I can do that,” he answered daringly, as he pulled away, his fingers nearly tearing holes into the bedsheets.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pressed his fingers to his lips, surprised, when Aloe pulled away. It was obvious that that wasn’t exactly the truth, but his adorable-yet-nervous expression was hard to argue with.

“If you say so,” he said, giving Aloe a coy smile.

He shifted slowly, bringing himself to sit on the edge of the bed next to Aloe. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Aloe’s cheek, next to the scar that marred it. It seemed uncouth to say that it made him more attractive, not knowing how he was injured, so he chose to keep that thought to himself for the time being. He carefully rose to his feet and glanced around, and then scoffed in annoyance.

“Did Bertram cut up one of my shirts again?” he muttered.

He was able to walk alright, if shakily, and crossed the room to his bags.

“He says that’s the safest way to do it, but I’m going to run out of shirts at this rate.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe stood slowly. 

“He did…,” he answered truthfully, the implication settling in. Bertram had let it slip before, but hearing it from Myrdin himself and how casual and light he made it sound, had the opposite effect. In the few days they’ve known each other, they were each struck with an arrow. How many where there before? And how many would come after? 

Aloe knew the scorn of family, but the thought of being hunted made his heart ache every time. He touched his scar as he looked between Myrdin, sorting through his bag, and the shield Bertram loaned him. Would he even be of any use even if he was better equipped? He had to be. He told Bertram he would.

He was starting to share Myrdin’s anger for his family, regardless if Myrdin allowed him to or not. 

“I don’t want you to go through anymore shirts,” was all Aloe could bring himself to say, crossing his arms to keep himself from rushing Myrdin and embracing him.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pulled on something loose, just to be a little covered. He laughed wryly, anxiously rubbing at one of his arms.

“I don’t either, but my family hasn’t been giving me much choice in the matter.”

He couldn’t stop a pensive sadness from cutting into his voice. He was asking so much of Aloe to even be associated with him. But he didn’t want Aloe to leave either. Maybe he should say something…

“Aloe… I-”, he paused, trying to work up the courage, “I know I asked you to come with me, but… I can’t ask that in good conscience without making it perfectly clear how dangerous it is.”

The words started to spill out of him before he could stop them. But if he wasn’t honest, and something terrible happened as a result, he would never forgive himself.

“I won’t send you away, I can’t-,” he was surprised by how strongly he felt that, how badly he wanted Aloe to stay, “but I’m going to be attacked again. I can’t know when, or where, but they’ll find me.”

He couldn’t look Aloe in the eyes, his mind repeating the memory of Aloe getting hurt over and over.

“I want you to stay with me, to… be… with me, but I would never be upset with you for deciding it’s too much.”

[aloeviiera]

“Too much?” Aloe echoed. Already, he was taking large strides to reach Myrdin, throwing his arms around him from behind as he nuzzled against his back. Fear, concern, happiness, gratitude, sorrow– it all hit him at once and he buried himself between Myrdin’s shoulder blades, wanting to crawl in him and help carry his heavy heart. 

“Nothing would be too much.” He felt so wrong for feeling so happy to be wanted– and above all to be wanted by Myrdin– while Myrdin sounded so distraught. The dissonance nearly made him cry and his heart continued to ache for him.

He tried to urge Myrdin to turn, seeking Myrdin’s eyes as he put his hands on his shoulders. If he wanted to protect Myrdin, he had to rebuild the courage he lost.  He breathed in deeply before he stared intensely into Myrdin’s eyes as much as the other would allow.

“I w-want it, too. I want… you…” Aloe mumbled clumsily, his arms shaking, finding difficulty in expressing his wants, even if Myrdin allowed him to do so. “And I will leave only at your command. If you can’t tolerate me, I-I’ll… I’ll…” Aloe couldn’t finish, he didn’t even want to think of it. The pain of leaving home broke him and he wouldn’t survive being discarded a second time.

“To the ends of the universe, and beyond that, too. Please, let me stay.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin looked at Aloe with wide eyes as the Viera clung to him. The way he pleaded to stay, in spite of everything they’d already been through, in spite of the troubles that were certainly still to come. His frantic voice and hands trembling on Myrdin’s shoulders spoke directly to Myrdin’s heart. He grabbed Aloe’s face in his own gently shaking hands.

“Aloe, I’m not letting you stay,” he said quietly. He traced the scar on Aloe’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s your choice to stay. I don’t own you.”

He pulled Aloe in against his chest, pressing his face into the top of Aloe’s head. He felt like his heart was fit to burst. He couldn’t help letting some of that joy bleed into his voice. He could never ask Aloe to leave.

“But hearing that you want to stay,” he said, smiling against Aloe’s hair, “It honors me greatly that you would, even knowing the danger.”

[aloeviiera]

I don’t own you.

I don’t own you.

Aloe sank into Myrdin’s embrace unsure how he felt about the sentiment. It was both familiar and new, reminding him of his exile– no longer owned, no longer wanted– but giving him an unexpected sense of, what he supposed was, freedom. Myrdin’s gentle stroke against his scar only reminded him that the past didn’t want him back and they never expected him to have a future. They also never expected for Aloe to meet someone like Myrdin.

Freedom, choice. Aloe had to learn to adjust to it.

“Myrdin…” He wiggled out of Myrdin’s chest, still finding his voice. “You said I could ask anything of you.” It felt strange, so picked at Myrdin’s shirt.

“After we head South, would you like to eat by the pier with me again?” Aloe had such a good time then… before the hunters came.

And almost as to prove that Aloe was more than willing to face whatever dangers followed Myrdin, he mimicked Myrdin’s own nonchalance.

“No interruptions this time.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin felt his smile growing as Aloe went on. It was truly a sweet idea, to try again, to hopefully have a better time. He would have to make things right first, but it gave him even more to work towards. It was strange how such a small thing could make him happy. He laughed, feeling warm and light.

“Is that all? Of course we can do that, I would love to!” He grabbed one of Aloe’s hands, pressing his face against the back of it.

Myrdin didn’t know how else to let out some of his nervous energy, and being affectionate with Aloe came so easily. He laughed anxiously, intertwining their fingers together. Making plans that didn’t involve the more dire aspects of his life was felt strange and new.

“Once I do what I can to deal with the situation with my family, I’ll go anywhere with you. Anywhere you want.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe rarely thought about the future in this way. But every time, it excited him. He held Myrdin’s hands tightly, pushing against him and dragging him along childishly until they were practically waltzing in room. Aloe spouted off places he heard in passing, big cities, small towns, places he’s never seen, places he’s been before– rambling about the things they could do together, things he’d always wanted to do when he once fantasized about leaving for the city. Passerby would never guess beneath his gloomy disposition, Aloe was this much of a romantic. He was almost eager to deal with whatever needed to be dealt with.

“And then if you’re up for it we’d walk the shoreline of Costa Del Sol…. ah, I got carried away…” Aloe retreated slightly, looking away more out of embarrassment than anything else, but he didn’t shirk away from Myrdin and kept holding his hand. 

You make me really happy, he wanted to say. Is this too good to be true?

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin let himself be led around the room, following Aloe wherever his tangential thoughts led him. He looked so warm, so open as he spoke of the future. Myrdin couldn’t help smiling, even as darker thoughts began to boil up in the back of his mind.

Could he have this? Was it safe, or would they take this away from him too?

He gripped Aloe’s hand in reassurance when he seemed to realize he had gotten ahead of himself. Myrdin wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to reassure.

“It’s alright, that all sounds lovely,” he said warmly, and then added, a little more tense, “unfortunately where I’m headed next may not be so charming.”

He held Aloe’s hand in both of his then, thumbs tracing the back of it.

“You don’t know much of Amdapor, do you? Since you aren’t from around here?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe burrowed his flushed face into Myrdin’s chest, in part embarrassed by his ramblings, self-conscious of his ignorance, and the disappointing end to his fantasies. “No,” he mumbled apologetically against Myrdin. “You’re the first one I’ve met who has mentioned it.” 

Pulling back to speak clearly, he squeezed Myrdin’s hands back. “You may have many reasons to doubt me, but whatever you need of me, I’ll do all I can.” He lifted himself to his toes to plant a chaste kiss to the side of Myrdin’s mouth.  “You have all of me,” he reassured. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head to give Aloe a second, more lingering kiss, before pulling away. He smile felt tired, but it came easily.

“I have no cause to doubt you, but I don’t know if I have words for how much I appreciate that sentiment, Aloe.”

He went to his saddle bags and began pulling out rolled up maps and notes that he had borrowed from the conjurer’s guild (with a little smooth talking), and started spreading them out on the floor before Bertram’s hearth, talking as he went.

“Let me see if I can’t get us on the same page. I don’t exactly what my family is doing, but I think it involves some kind of black magic. They’re exactly the kind of people who would seek illicit means to gain more power. If that’s the case…”

He pointed to an fragile and tattered map showing the ancient city.

“Then what I need to counter that should be somewhere in here. White magic. Unfortunately the Padjals don’t teach that to anyone, but I feel that if I go here, to Amdapor… I should be able to find something that’ll help me.”

He was really trimming the fat of his explanation, but he Aloe seemed sharp, so he trusted him to know what he was getting at.

“Amdapor, historically, was the hub of white magic before that was banned, too. Technically, by going there, I’m breaking several Gridanian laws. But if it’ll give me what I need to stop them, I’m willing to do it. On top of all that, Bertram tells me that the city has become very dangerous over the last several years.”

Myrdin gestured to a few old drawings made by people who had explored the city, showing strange mold-like webbing clinging to crumbling stone. He looked back to Aloe, smiling at him.

“I trust you when you say you’ll do anything to help, but if you have any hesitance, I won’t begrudge you that.”

[aloeviiera]

The dreamy kiss-tinged expression dropped into that of complete focus and the fluttering feeling in his stomach faded as Myrdin unrolled his maps. Allowing himself to run his finger along the pages to keep up, Aloe studied them with great intent, burning he images into his mind and absorbing all Myrdin had to say. Unfamiliar words nibbled at him and he held onto some terminology and relinquished the ones to ask about later. Was Amdapor buried under ruin and legislation for public safety or did the Gridanians know something else lingered beneath the remains, he wondered. 

He leaned in over the drawings taking note of the strange details the explorers added, deliberate in their presentation rather than some artistic interpretation. Aloe absorbed fully into the pages before him, nearly blind to Myrdin’s gestures and expressions. 

As his eyes flicked from one scroll to the next. “The popularity of Amdapor’s magicks must’ve caused its downfall if it were banned,” he thought out loud, circling to the other side of Myrdin’s pile to study those too. 

Aloe let out a breath, troubled by the burden Myrdin endured because of the enigmatic sins of his family. “It does seem quite dangerous…” He paced around to ensure he didn’t miss a single detail. 

“Alright,” he moved back to Myrdin’s side, sliding an arm around Myrdin’s waist, eyeing the map one more time. “If this is all you have, then I should be prepared.” “We’ll be cautious,” he said, seriously.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin stretched slowly before leaning against Aloe with a sigh. His body was still aching and tired.

“I’ll be as cautious as someone looking for calamity-causing magicks could be,” he said with wry laugh.

He tipped his head on top of Aloe’s, nudging against one of his long lupine ears, as he looked at the parchment spread out around them. He felt both hesitant and eager, but most of all, relieved.

“I was prepared to enter these places on my own, but I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Having your help in this is invaluable, and will make the whole venture much safer, even if it’s still very dangerous.”

He paused, absorbing the comfort of having someone by his side. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it before.

“Once Bertram is back with Vayu, we should have time to reach Amdapor before I’m caught up with again. They’ll be unlikely to follow us into the city at the very least, unless forced.”

[aloeviiera]

Butterflies returned, fluttering about in his stomach. Aloe rarely liked the feeling of his ears being touched but he couldn’t help blush at the proximity of Myrdin’s face, imagining his lips nipping at the base of it. But more than that, the feeling of being a support to Myrdin’s weight as he leaned into him ignited something in his heart again. Yet it was quickly crushed by the sobering reality at hand. The hunters and Myrdin’s family are likely to find them– find Myrdin– again.

Aloe frowned at that. He hoped whatever Amdapor hid could free Myrdin in the end. “Until Bertram does return, perhaps you should get some more rest.” He rubbed the small of Myrdin’s back, urging him to return to the bed. 

“I saw some vegetables in the kitchen. Would Bertram mind too much if we helped ourselves? I can fix something up for you.” Aloe never thought himself much of a culinarian, but he could be resourceful when needed. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad, and Myrdin wouldn’t hate him for it. 

“Is there anything you dislike to eat?” he said, already making his way to the kitchen. He remembered Myrdin enjoyed flavorful, savory foods. 

He touched his ear and blushed. 

[myrdinisarrel]

“By all means, he won’t mind at all,” Myrdin said with a dismissive smile and a quiet laugh, “Bertram really likes cooking, so you can probably find anything you’d want if you dig around.”

Rather than laying down, Myrdin brushed off Aloe’s gentle guidance towards the bed, instead dragging a chair after Aloe. He ignored any concerned looks he might be receiving as made himself comfortable, leaning against the counter. He hummed thoughtfully at Aloe’s question, and then shrugged.

“Not really, no. I don’t think there’s anything wouldn’t eat,” he said, scratching the side of his neck pensively, “It’s actually a little embarrassing how long it took me to even enjoy food. But now I can usually find something to like about any dish.”

He rested his chin on a hand as he watched Aloe. He thought back to Aloe’s flood of questions the day before, and thought maybe it was fair for him to ask some of his own. He had an idea now that maybe the ways the had lived before meeting each other had more similarities than he would like… he would try to avoid touchier subjects.

“What about you? Things you don’t like? Or better yet, any favorites?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe gave Myrdin a small, playful pout as he made himself comfortable at the counter against Aloe’s recommendation. Myrdin proved to be a man who did what he pleased and Aloe couldn’t bring himself to deny him anything, even if he wanted. But he wouldn’t reject the company either if it meant they could stay closer for longer. 

With what he perceived as permission from Myrdin, he began rummaging through Bertram’s cupboards and drawers, discovering baskets and boxes filled with different ingredients as Myrdin suggested. Aloe found himself hoping for more moments like these, believing in the normalcy and peace. Both of them lived far from mundane lives, but if it could be like this, he wouldn’t mind it.

Maybe they would have a chance after Amdapor. A part of him knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but most of him prayed that it would be– not in fear of the dangers but in anticipation of the future. Their future. 

He continued to explore some unfamiliar spices and produce, touching and smelling them before placing them back in their spots even a little neater than how he found them. He considered the question seriously, taking some cucumber and tomatoes into his arms, placing them on the counter.  “I eat most things,” he said, truthfully, though his experience meant that most things consisted of whatever he could forage or hunt. It wasn’t until he stepped over to the continent that he was able to even consider an even greater assortment of foodstuff or even consider purchasing meals prepared for him. He had to remember to add eating at a restaurant to his mental list of places to go with Myrdin since Aloe had been too hesitant to experience one. He felt silly having never gone all this time.  Aloe picked up a pumpkin resting at the side of the counter, knocking his knuckles against it in thought. “Um…” he cowered behind the pumpkin as he picked it up, nearly crushing it in his grip. 

Quietly, he mumbled, “I’m fond of pastries.” And cakes. And cookies. And pies. He remembered Myrdin didn’t prefer them. so he slowly peeked behind the giant vegetable to gauge his expression. 

He felt like a child, ashamed to admit that he craved desserts often but repressed those along with all his other wants and wishes. 

“But I dont know how to make them.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head, watching Aloe with interest as he selected his ingredients. How do you even cook a pumpkin, really? The expression Aloe made when he spoke of pastries had guilty pleasure written across his face. He’d be willing to bet there was some kind of sweet baked goods in the pantry, already made.

“I don’t know how to make pastries either. Simple foods are difficult enough for me as it is, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

He carefully stood and padded over to Bertram’s pantry, rummaging around through jars of preserves and paper-wrapped things. Apparently he was driven to satisfy any of Aloe’s indulgences. He continued speaking over his shoulder.

“Do you like to cook too? I always wished I had learned how. If you like things burnt or undercooked, then I’m your man.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe chuckled. The sound was soft but genuine and full of joy. Not at Myrdin’s inability to cook but he laughed admiring Myrdin’s ability to make light of his own shortcomings. Everything Myrdin did– or didn’t do– seemed so radiant while the mere thought of admitting Aloe’s own failings, his deficiencies, terrified him. 

He started hacking away at the vegetables, making them bitesize but he frowned when they ended up asymmetrical. “I can’t imagine it being that bad,” he tried to reassure Myrdin. “But I’m sure you could learn pretty quickly if you wanted to.” He moved onto the pumpkin, giving it a resounding whack with one of Bertram’s heavier knives. He lacked the speed and precision of a trained culinarian but had remarkable strength in his svelte arms to cut straight through with little resistance. He carved out the seeds and continued to cut the pumpkin into pieces, operating carefully to not dull Bertram’s blades or dirty his kitchen, maintaining his workspace well. 

“I-I’m not sure if I hate it or like it myself,” he answered truthfully, stumbling over his thoughts. He liked this whatever this was, he supposed. As a child, he was used to eating alone at the hearth after everyone had their fill. Cooking came later when he was sent off alone. Desperation was the instructor and survival was the reward for learning to cook. 

“I suppose… I like cooking for others…” he said slowly, discovering his feelings on it in the moment. Cooking for someone else meant there was someone else. 

 “I can show you what I know if that’s something you’re interested in,” he said, putting everything into the pot.

[myrdinisarrel]

“Ha, you’re welcome to try, but don’t hold out too much hope for success.”

He doubted Aloe could do much for him, but Myrdin still smiled at the thought as he added, “But it would be fun to try.”

Myrdin carefully rifled through the wrapped goods near the front of the pantry shelves, opening the brown paper wrapping just enough to see what was inside before carefully closing them back. He opened one that seemed to have some kind of sweet iced biscuit inside. He took one out and gave it a tentative bite, finding that it had some kind of berry filling inside. Too sweet, but they were soft and chewy.

“Hm… I think you’ll like these,” he said, picking up the package.

He turned and brought it over to where Aloe was cooking. He leaned against the counter next to him, glancing into the pot for a moment. Whatever he was making smelled fantastic. Seeing that Aloe had his hands occupied, Myrdin took one of the biscuits out of the package and held it up for him to take a bite of, intending to feed him while he worked.

“Try some. I don’t think one or two will spoil your meal.”

He gave Aloe the sweetest, most innocent smile he could muster.

[aloeviiera]

An almost sweetly painful pang in his heart nearly caused him to collapse on the spot thanks to Myrdin’s irresistible smile. The inexplicable gravity of the Elezen’s  charm forced him to lean into the counter for support, trying with all his might to continue his task at hand while his legs threatened to buckle. He could smell sugar coming off from Myrdin’s fingertips and couldn’t resist taking a careful nibble, not before glancing at Myrdin once again for permission.

It didn’t take long for the sweetness to hit his tongue, dragging his mind back to the first time he landed on this continent, experiencing kindness that first time. He resisted an absolutely primitive moan that escaped as a satisfied sigh instead as the memory washed over him. Now, he was being fed by the most exquisite man he’s ever met. Desserts were truly magical. 

Eyes nearly sparkling, face reddened, and eyebrows upturned with pleasure, he brought a hand to cover his mouth to hide a dumb grin, pretending to chew thoughtfully despite having inhaled the bite. He stole another less delicate bite before he moved the pot over to the fire, returning quickly to finish off the biscuit he purposefully chiseled down to temper his craving. 

Before Myrdin could pull his hand away, Aloe gently grabbed his wrist, sucking lightly on his finger tips, licking off the stubborn crumbs and icing that stuck around.

And just as quickly, he turned his back to Myrdin, moving back to the pot to stir the vegetables before they started sizzling. He hid his enflamed face in the heat of the fire, channeling all his shaky energy into his stirring arm as he wondered why he did that. 

[aloeviiera]

Amdapor is For Lovers (Part II) | @myrdinisarrel

[Part 1 here]

—————-

Sunlight found its way through the crack in the wall, breaking past the mossy blanket safeguarding Bertram’s home. As the room began to brighten, Aloe stirred. He was too warm, too comfortable, too spent, to get up immediately, that he dozed in an out again before his body started to ache, molded into the bed. 

He leaned on one elbow, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with a numbed hand slowly regaining life. They moved around in the night and it seemed Aloe’s arm found its way under Myrdin’s head. He shook out his wrist smiling at the pleasurable pain. 

He took in Myrdin’s sleeping form, absorbing the joy of waking next to him, before he gently peeled himself from the bed as quiet as possible. He examined Myrdin’s bandages before pulling the blanket over him, tucking him in so gently with a nervous hand and a full heart. 

You can ask anything of me, Aloe remembered hearing. He bent over to clean up the mess they made last night also in part to hide from the overwhelming sensation that invaded his heart. It was a gift he did not want to take for granted. He hoped it wasn’t a dream.

The thought of this being some fabricated affair, some kind of ploy, petrified him as he walked into Bertram’s kitchen. How long he stood there with his mind and heart at war, he didn’t know. The warm air of the cottage suddenly grew cold, and he returned to Myrdin’s bedside to put on the shirt Myrdin’s loaned him. He played with the hem to convince himself that this was real. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin was walking through miles of cold, dark stone, a twisting labyrinth he couldn’t make sense of. He was walking fast, his hand brushing the wall to help guide him in the darkness. Something was echoing in the corridors behind him, chasing after. It was gaining, and his heart was pounding. He tried to run, but something grabbed his collar, snatching him backwards. A soft feminine voice whispered in his ear, ‘You can’t run forever, Myrdin.’

He sat up with a gasp, drenched in a cold sweat. The memories of the cold stone and malevolent whispers started to evaporate like smoke, the way dreams tended to. He winced at the twinge of pain in his shoulder. He took a steadying breath, trying to still the hammering of his heart in his chest, to release it from the grip of fear. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, wiping the sweat away before opening his eyes.

Aloe sat nearby, once again dressed in Myrdin’s shirt, toying with the hem of it. He started to feel more at ease at the sight of him, even as he blushed at the memory of their conversation before sleep last night. Myrdin gave him a pensive smile.

“Good morning,” He half-mumbled, still a little groggy.

[aloeviiera]

It was Myrdin’s voice that pulled Aloe from his thoughts. Yet again, Myrdin was an anchor amidst the disquiet. Half startled and half delighted, Aloe moved to kneel beside the bed, eager to occupy, but not quite touching, Myrdin’s space. 

Aloe did notice a slight sobriety in Myrdin’s tone but was unsure if it’s simply due to the morning or something else. Was it Myrdin’s shoulder? Aloe still wasn’t convinced that wasn’t his fault. Did their sleeping position aggravate it? Aloe was to blame for that, too. Or maybe cleaning in the morning disrupted him. Aloe should have waited. 

As those thoughts wracked his mind, he turned his face away in shame, hoping to fix this somehow.

“How are you feeling? Did I wake you?” He managed to say, eyes already begging for forgiveness.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin shook himself a little, the haze of sleep clearing a little more. He actually felt quite well rested, if out of sorts.

“No, it wasn’t you,” he said, carefully stretching, “I may have sat up too quickly, but otherwise I feel well.”

He looked down at Aloe. Down? He tilted his head, now noticing that Aloe was on the floor next to him. He looked… deeply apologetic. Was that just his default expression? Or did he genuinely think he had something to apologize for? What could he have possibly done wrong in the mere minutes that Myrdin had been awake?

Myrdin carefully lowered himself on his good side to be closer to Aloe’s eye level, resting his head on his arm. He smiled still, even though he was quite confused. He reached out to gently brush Aloe’s hair away from his un-scarred eye.

“Why are you on the floor?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe had too many answers to offer but said nothing as he could only hold his breath as Myrdin moved in closer. Myrdin’s angelic smile washed away some of Aloe’s guilt as he stared through his good eye, hair brushed aside like a curtain. 

Even after last night… and the night before… and the night before that… Aloe still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. But Myrdin’s words from last night pushed away the thoughts that plagued Aloe in the morning and the thoughts he struggled to sort through now. Filled with an inexplicable, overwhelming feeling, Aloe sprang up on his knees to give Myrdin a sly yet sheepish peck on his lips, his hands gripping the sheets as he did so. 

“So I can do that,” he answered daringly, as he pulled away, his fingers nearly tearing holes into the bedsheets.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pressed his fingers to his lips, surprised, when Aloe pulled away. It was obvious that that wasn’t exactly the truth, but his adorable-yet-nervous expression was hard to argue with.

“If you say so,” he said, giving Aloe a coy smile.

He shifted slowly, bringing himself to sit on the edge of the bed next to Aloe. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Aloe’s cheek, next to the scar that marred it. It seemed uncouth to say that it made him more attractive, not knowing how he was injured, so he chose to keep that thought to himself for the time being. He carefully rose to his feet and glanced around, and then scoffed in annoyance.

“Did Bertram cut up one of my shirts again?” he muttered.

He was able to walk alright, if shakily, and crossed the room to his bags.

“He says that’s the safest way to do it, but I’m going to run out of shirts at this rate.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe stood slowly. 

“He did…,” he answered truthfully, the implication settling in. Bertram had let it slip before, but hearing it from Myrdin himself and how casual and light he made it sound, had the opposite effect. In the few days they’ve known each other, they were each struck with an arrow. How many where there before? And how many would come after? 

Aloe knew the scorn of family, but the thought of being hunted made his heart ache every time. He touched his scar as he looked between Myrdin, sorting through his bag, and the shield Bertram loaned him. Would he even be of any use even if he was better equipped? He had to be. He told Bertram he would.

He was starting to share Myrdin’s anger for his family, regardless if Myrdin allowed him to or not. 

“I don’t want you to go through anymore shirts,” was all Aloe could bring himself to say, crossing his arms to keep himself from rushing Myrdin and embracing him.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pulled on something loose, just to be a little covered. He laughed wryly, anxiously rubbing at one of his arms.

“I don’t either, but my family hasn’t been giving me much choice in the matter.”

He couldn’t stop a pensive sadness from cutting into his voice. He was asking so much of Aloe to even be associated with him. But he didn’t want Aloe to leave either. Maybe he should say something…

“Aloe… I-”, he paused, trying to work up the courage, “I know I asked you to come with me, but… I can’t ask that in good conscience without making it perfectly clear how dangerous it is.”

The words started to spill out of him before he could stop them. But if he wasn’t honest, and something terrible happened as a result, he would never forgive himself.

“I won’t send you away, I can’t-,” he was surprised by how strongly he felt that, how badly he wanted Aloe to stay, “but I’m going to be attacked again. I can’t know when, or where, but they’ll find me.”

He couldn’t look Aloe in the eyes, his mind repeating the memory of Aloe getting hurt over and over.

“I want you to stay with me, to… be… with me, but I would never be upset with you for deciding it’s too much.”

[aloeviiera]

“Too much?” Aloe echoed. Already, he was taking large strides to reach Myrdin, throwing his arms around him from behind as he nuzzled against his back. Fear, concern, happiness, gratitude, sorrow– it all hit him at once and he buried himself between Myrdin’s shoulder blades, wanting to crawl in him and help carry his heavy heart. 

“Nothing would be too much.” He felt so wrong for feeling so happy to be wanted– and above all to be wanted by Myrdin– while Myrdin sounded so distraught. The dissonance nearly made him cry and his heart continued to ache for him.

He tried to urge Myrdin to turn, seeking Myrdin’s eyes as he put his hands on his shoulders. If he wanted to protect Myrdin, he had to rebuild the courage he lost.  He breathed in deeply before he stared intensely into Myrdin’s eyes as much as the other would allow.

“I w-want it, too. I want… you…” Aloe mumbled clumsily, his arms shaking, finding difficulty in expressing his wants, even if Myrdin allowed him to do so. “And I will leave only at your command. If you can’t tolerate me, I-I’ll… I’ll…” Aloe couldn’t finish, he didn’t even want to think of it. The pain of leaving home broke him and he wouldn’t survive being discarded a second time.

“To the ends of the universe, and beyond that, too. Please, let me stay.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin looked at Aloe with wide eyes as the Viera clung to him. The way he pleaded to stay, in spite of everything they’d already been through, in spite of the troubles that were certainly still to come. His frantic voice and hands trembling on Myrdin’s shoulders spoke directly to Myrdin’s heart. He grabbed Aloe’s face in his own gently shaking hands.

“Aloe, I’m not letting you stay,” he said quietly. He traced the scar on Aloe’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s your choice to stay. I don’t own you.”

He pulled Aloe in against his chest, pressing his face into the top of Aloe’s head. He felt like his heart was fit to burst. He couldn’t help letting some of that joy bleed into his voice. He could never ask Aloe to leave.

“But hearing that you want to stay,” he said, smiling against Aloe’s hair, “It honors me greatly that you would, even knowing the danger.”

[aloeviiera]

I don’t own you.

I don’t own you.

Aloe sank into Myrdin’s embrace unsure how he felt about the sentiment. It was both familiar and new, reminding him of his exile– no longer owned, no longer wanted– but giving him an unexpected sense of, what he supposed was, freedom. Myrdin’s gentle stroke against his scar only reminded him that the past didn’t want him back and they never expected him to have a future. They also never expected for Aloe to meet someone like Myrdin.

Freedom, choice. Aloe had to learn to adjust to it.

“Myrdin…” He wiggled out of Myrdin’s chest, still finding his voice. “You said I could ask anything of you.” It felt strange, so picked at Myrdin’s shirt.

“After we head South, would you like to eat by the pier with me again?” Aloe had such a good time then… before the hunters came.

And almost as to prove that Aloe was more than willing to face whatever dangers followed Myrdin, he mimicked Myrdin’s own nonchalance.

“No interruptions this time.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin felt his smile growing as Aloe went on. It was truly a sweet idea, to try again, to hopefully have a better time. He would have to make things right first, but it gave him even more to work towards. It was strange how such a small thing could make him happy. He laughed, feeling warm and light.

“Is that all? Of course we can do that, I would love to!” He grabbed one of Aloe’s hands, pressing his face against the back of it.

Myrdin didn’t know how else to let out some of his nervous energy, and being affectionate with Aloe came so easily. He laughed anxiously, intertwining their fingers together. Making plans that didn’t involve the more dire aspects of his life was felt strange and new.

“Once I do what I can to deal with the situation with my family, I’ll go anywhere with you. Anywhere you want.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe rarely thought about the future in this way. But every time, it excited him. He held Myrdin’s hands tightly, pushing against him and dragging him along childishly until they were practically waltzing in room. Aloe spouted off places he heard in passing, big cities, small towns, places he’s never seen, places he’s been before– rambling about the things they could do together, things he’d always wanted to do when he once fantasized about leaving for the city. Passerby would never guess beneath his gloomy disposition, Aloe was this much of a romantic. He was almost eager to deal with whatever needed to be dealt with.

“And then if you’re up for it we’d walk the shoreline of Costa Del Sol…. ah, I got carried away…” Aloe retreated slightly, looking away more out of embarrassment than anything else, but he didn’t shirk away from Myrdin and kept holding his hand. 

You make me really happy, he wanted to say. Is this too good to be true?

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin let himself be led around the room, following Aloe wherever his tangential thoughts led him. He looked so warm, so open as he spoke of the future. Myrdin couldn’t help smiling, even as darker thoughts began to boil up in the back of his mind.

Could he have this? Was it safe, or would they take this away from him too?

He gripped Aloe’s hand in reassurance when he seemed to realize he had gotten ahead of himself. Myrdin wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to reassure.

“It’s alright, that all sounds lovely,” he said warmly, and then added, a little more tense, “unfortunately where I’m headed next may not be so charming.”

He held Aloe’s hand in both of his then, thumbs tracing the back of it.

“You don’t know much of Amdapor, do you? Since you aren’t from around here?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe burrowed his flushed face into Myrdin’s chest, in part embarrassed by his ramblings, self-conscious of his ignorance, and the disappointing end to his fantasies. “No,” he mumbled apologetically against Myrdin. “You’re the first one I’ve met who has mentioned it.” 

Pulling back to speak clearly, he squeezed Myrdin’s hands back. “You may have many reasons to doubt me, but whatever you need of me, I’ll do all I can.” He lifted himself to his toes to plant a chaste kiss to the side of Myrdin’s mouth.  “You have all of me,” he reassured. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head to give Aloe a second, more lingering kiss, before pulling away. He smile felt tired, but it came easily.

“I have no cause to doubt you, but I don’t know if I have words for how much I appreciate that sentiment, Aloe.”

He went to his saddle bags and began pulling out rolled up maps and notes that he had borrowed from the conjurer’s guild (with a little smooth talking), and started spreading them out on the floor before Bertram’s hearth, talking as he went.

“Let me see if I can’t get us on the same page. I don’t exactly what my family is doing, but I think it involves some kind of black magic. They’re exactly the kind of people who would seek illicit means to gain more power. If that’s the case…”

He pointed to an fragile and tattered map showing the ancient city.

“Then what I need to counter that should be somewhere in here. White magic. Unfortunately the Padjals don’t teach that to anyone, but I feel that if I go here, to Amdapor… I should be able to find something that’ll help me.”

He was really trimming the fat of his explanation, but he Aloe seemed sharp, so he trusted him to know what he was getting at.

“Amdapor, historically, was the hub of white magic before that was banned, too. Technically, by going there, I’m breaking several Gridanian laws. But if it’ll give me what I need to stop them, I’m willing to do it. On top of all that, Bertram tells me that the city has become very dangerous over the last several years.”

Myrdin gestured to a few old drawings made by people who had explored the city, showing strange mold-like webbing clinging to crumbling stone. He looked back to Aloe, smiling at him.

“I trust you when you say you’ll do anything to help, but if you have any hesitance, I won’t begrudge you that.”

[aloeviiera]

The dreamy kiss-tinged expression dropped into that of complete focus and the fluttering feeling in his stomach faded as Myrdin unrolled his maps. Allowing himself to run his finger along the pages to keep up, Aloe studied them with great intent, burning he images into his mind and absorbing all Myrdin had to say. Unfamiliar words nibbled at him and he held onto some terminology and relinquished the ones to ask about later. Was Amdapor buried under ruin and legislation for public safety or did the Gridanians know something else lingered beneath the remains, he wondered. 

He leaned in over the drawings taking note of the strange details the explorers added, deliberate in their presentation rather than some artistic interpretation. Aloe absorbed fully into the pages before him, nearly blind to Myrdin’s gestures and expressions. 

As his eyes flicked from one scroll to the next. “The popularity of Amdapor’s magicks must’ve caused its downfall if it were banned,” he thought out loud, circling to the other side of Myrdin’s pile to study those too. 

Aloe let out a breath, troubled by the burden Myrdin endured because of the enigmatic sins of his family. “It does seem quite dangerous…” He paced around to ensure he didn’t miss a single detail. 

“Alright,” he moved back to Myrdin’s side, sliding an arm around Myrdin’s waist, eyeing the map one more time. “If this is all you have, then I should be prepared.” “We’ll be cautious,” he said, seriously.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin stretched slowly before leaning against Aloe with a sigh. His body was still aching and tired.

“I’ll be as cautious as someone looking for calamity-causing magicks could be,” he said with wry laugh.

He tipped his head on top of Aloe’s, nudging against one of his long lupine ears, as he looked at the parchment spread out around them. He felt both hesitant and eager, but most of all, relieved.

“I was prepared to enter these places on my own, but I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Having your help in this is invaluable, and will make the whole venture much safer, even if it’s still very dangerous.”

He paused, absorbing the comfort of having someone by his side. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it before.

“Once Bertram is back with Vayu, we should have time to reach Amdapor before I’m caught up with again. They’ll be unlikely to follow us into the city at the very least, unless forced.”

[aloeviiera]

Butterflies returned, fluttering about in his stomach. Aloe rarely liked the feeling of his ears being touched but he couldn’t help blush at the proximity of Myrdin’s face, imagining his lips nipping at the base of it. But more than that, the feeling of being a support to Myrdin’s weight as he leaned into him ignited something in his heart again. Yet it was quickly crushed by the sobering reality at hand. The hunters and Myrdin’s family are likely to find them– find Myrdin– again.

Aloe frowned at that. He hoped whatever Amdapor hid could free Myrdin in the end. “Until Bertram does return, perhaps you should get some more rest.” He rubbed the small of Myrdin’s back, urging him to return to the bed. 

“I saw some vegetables in the kitchen. Would Bertram mind too much if we helped ourselves? I can fix something up for you.” Aloe never thought himself much of a culinarian, but he could be resourceful when needed. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad, and Myrdin wouldn’t hate him for it. 

“Is there anything you dislike to eat?” he said, already making his way to the kitchen. He remembered Myrdin enjoyed flavorful, savory foods. 

He touched his ear and blushed. 

[myrdinisarrel]

“By all means, he won’t mind at all,” Myrdin said with a dismissive smile and a quiet laugh, “Bertram really likes cooking, so you can probably find anything you’d want if you dig around.”

Rather than laying down, Myrdin brushed off Aloe’s gentle guidance towards the bed, instead dragging a chair after Aloe. He ignored any concerned looks he might be receiving as made himself comfortable, leaning against the counter. He hummed thoughtfully at Aloe’s question, and then shrugged.

“Not really, no. I don’t think there’s anything wouldn’t eat,” he said, scratching the side of his neck pensively, “It’s actually a little embarrassing how long it took me to even enjoy food. But now I can usually find something to like about any dish.”

He rested his chin on a hand as he watched Aloe. He thought back to Aloe’s flood of questions the day before, and thought maybe it was fair for him to ask some of his own. He had an idea now that maybe the ways the had lived before meeting each other had more similarities than he would like… he would try to avoid touchier subjects.

“What about you? Things you don’t like? Or better yet, any favorites?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe gave Myrdin a small, playful pout as he made himself comfortable at the counter against Aloe’s recommendation. Myrdin proved to be a man who did what he pleased and Aloe couldn’t bring himself to deny him anything, even if he wanted. But he wouldn’t reject the company either if it meant they could stay closer for longer. 

With what he perceived as permission from Myrdin, he began rummaging through Bertram’s cupboards and drawers, discovering baskets and boxes filled with different ingredients as Myrdin suggested. Aloe found himself hoping for more moments like these, believing in the normalcy and peace. Both of them lived far from mundane lives, but if it could be like this, he wouldn’t mind it.

Maybe they would have a chance after Amdapor. A part of him knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but most of him prayed that it would be– not in fear of the dangers but in anticipation of the future. Their future. 

He continued to explore some unfamiliar spices and produce, touching and smelling them before placing them back in their spots even a little neater than how he found them. He considered the question seriously, taking some cucumber and tomatoes into his arms, placing them on the counter.  “I eat most things,” he said, truthfully, though his experience meant that most things consisted of whatever he could forage or hunt. It wasn’t until he stepped over to the continent that he was able to even consider an even greater assortment of foodstuff or even consider purchasing meals prepared for him. He had to remember to add eating at a restaurant to his mental list of places to go with Myrdin since Aloe had been too hesitant to experience one. He felt silly having never gone all this time.  Aloe picked up a pumpkin resting at the side of the counter, knocking his knuckles against it in thought. “Um…” he cowered behind the pumpkin as he picked it up, nearly crushing it in his grip. 

Quietly, he mumbled, “I’m fond of pastries.” And cakes. And cookies. And pies. He remembered Myrdin didn’t prefer them. so he slowly peeked behind the giant vegetable to gauge his expression. 

He felt like a child, ashamed to admit that he craved desserts often but repressed those along with all his other wants and wishes. 

“But I dont know how to make them.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head, watching Aloe with interest as he selected his ingredients. How do you even cook a pumpkin, really? The expression Aloe made when he spoke of pastries had guilty pleasure written across his face. He’d be willing to bet there was some kind of sweet baked goods in the pantry, already made.

“I don’t know how to make pastries either. Simple foods are difficult enough for me as it is, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

He carefully stood and padded over to Bertram’s pantry, rummaging around through jars of preserves and paper-wrapped things. Apparently he was driven to satisfy any of Aloe’s indulgences. He continued speaking over his shoulder.

“Do you like to cook too? I always wished I had learned how. If you like things burnt or undercooked, then I’m your man.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe chuckled. The sound was soft but genuine and full of joy. Not at Myrdin’s inability to cook but he laughed admiring Myrdin’s ability to make light of his own shortcomings. Everything Myrdin did-- or didn’t do-- seemed so radiant while the mere thought of admitting Aloe’s own failings, his deficiencies, terrified him. 

He started hacking away at the vegetables, making them bitesize but he frowned when they ended up asymmetrical. “I can’t imagine it being that bad,” he tried to reassure Myrdin. “But I’m sure you could learn pretty quickly if you wanted to.” He moved onto the pumpkin, giving it a resounding whack with one of Bertram’s heavier knives. He lacked the speed and precision of a trained culinarian but had remarkable strength in his svelte arms to cut straight through with little resistance. He carved out the seeds and continued to cut the pumpkin into pieces, operating carefully to not dull Bertram’s blades or dirty his kitchen, maintaining his workspace well. 

“I-I’m not sure if I hate it or like it myself,” he answered truthfully, stumbling over his thoughts. He liked this whatever this was, he supposed. As a child, he was used to eating alone at the hearth after everyone had their fill. Cooking came later when he was sent off alone. Desperation was the instructor and survival was the reward for learning to cook. 

“I suppose... I like cooking for others...” he said slowly, discovering his feelings on it in the moment. Cooking for someone else meant there was someone else. 

 “I can show you what I know if that’s something you’re interested in,” he said, putting everything into the pot.

[aloeviiera]

Amdapor is For Lovers (Part II) | @myrdinisarrel

[Part 1 here]

—————-

Sunlight found its way through the crack in the wall, breaking past the mossy blanket safeguarding Bertram’s home. As the room began to brighten, Aloe stirred. He was too warm, too comfortable, too spent, to get up immediately, that he dozed in an out again before his body started to ache, molded into the bed. 

He leaned on one elbow, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with a numbed hand slowly regaining life. They moved around in the night and it seemed Aloe’s arm found its way under Myrdin’s head. He shook out his wrist smiling at the pleasurable pain. 

He took in Myrdin’s sleeping form, absorbing the joy of waking next to him, before he gently peeled himself from the bed as quiet as possible. He examined Myrdin’s bandages before pulling the blanket over him, tucking him in so gently with a nervous hand and a full heart. 

You can ask anything of me, Aloe remembered hearing. He bent over to clean up the mess they made last night also in part to hide from the overwhelming sensation that invaded his heart. It was a gift he did not want to take for granted. He hoped it wasn’t a dream.

The thought of this being some fabricated affair, some kind of ploy, petrified him as he walked into Bertram’s kitchen. How long he stood there with his mind and heart at war, he didn’t know. The warm air of the cottage suddenly grew cold, and he returned to Myrdin’s bedside to put on the shirt Myrdin’s loaned him. He played with the hem to convince himself that this was real. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin was walking through miles of cold, dark stone, a twisting labyrinth he couldn’t make sense of. He was walking fast, his hand brushing the wall to help guide him in the darkness. Something was echoing in the corridors behind him, chasing after. It was gaining, and his heart was pounding. He tried to run, but something grabbed his collar, snatching him backwards. A soft feminine voice whispered in his ear, ‘You can’t run forever, Myrdin.’

He sat up with a gasp, drenched in a cold sweat. The memories of the cold stone and malevolent whispers started to evaporate like smoke, the way dreams tended to. He winced at the twinge of pain in his shoulder. He took a steadying breath, trying to still the hammering of his heart in his chest, to release it from the grip of fear. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, wiping the sweat away before opening his eyes.

Aloe sat nearby, once again dressed in Myrdin’s shirt, toying with the hem of it. He started to feel more at ease at the sight of him, even as he blushed at the memory of their conversation before sleep last night. Myrdin gave him a pensive smile.

“Good morning,” He half-mumbled, still a little groggy.

[aloeviiera]

It was Myrdin’s voice that pulled Aloe from his thoughts. Yet again, Myrdin was an anchor amidst the disquiet. Half startled and half delighted, Aloe moved to kneel beside the bed, eager to occupy, but not quite touching, Myrdin’s space. 

Aloe did notice a slight sobriety in Myrdin’s tone but was unsure if it’s simply due to the morning or something else. Was it Myrdin’s shoulder? Aloe still wasn’t convinced that wasn’t his fault. Did their sleeping position aggravate it? Aloe was to blame for that, too. Or maybe cleaning in the morning disrupted him. Aloe should have waited. 

As those thoughts wracked his mind, he turned his face away in shame, hoping to fix this somehow.

“How are you feeling? Did I wake you?” He managed to say, eyes already begging for forgiveness.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin shook himself a little, the haze of sleep clearing a little more. He actually felt quite well rested, if out of sorts.

“No, it wasn’t you,” he said, carefully stretching, “I may have sat up too quickly, but otherwise I feel well.”

He looked down at Aloe. Down? He tilted his head, now noticing that Aloe was on the floor next to him. He looked… deeply apologetic. Was that just his default expression? Or did he genuinely think he had something to apologize for? What could he have possibly done wrong in the mere minutes that Myrdin had been awake?

Myrdin carefully lowered himself on his good side to be closer to Aloe’s eye level, resting his head on his arm. He smiled still, even though he was quite confused. He reached out to gently brush Aloe’s hair away from his un-scarred eye.

“Why are you on the floor?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe had too many answers to offer but said nothing as he could only hold his breath as Myrdin moved in closer. Myrdin’s angelic smile washed away some of Aloe’s guilt as he stared through his good eye, hair brushed aside like a curtain. 

Even after last night… and the night before… and the night before that… Aloe still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. But Myrdin’s words from last night pushed away the thoughts that plagued Aloe in the morning and the thoughts he struggled to sort through now. Filled with an inexplicable, overwhelming feeling, Aloe sprang up on his knees to give Myrdin a sly yet sheepish peck on his lips, his hands gripping the sheets as he did so. 

“So I can do that,” he answered daringly, as he pulled away, his fingers nearly tearing holes into the bedsheets.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pressed his fingers to his lips, surprised, when Aloe pulled away. It was obvious that that wasn’t exactly the truth, but his adorable-yet-nervous expression was hard to argue with.

“If you say so,” he said, giving Aloe a coy smile.

He shifted slowly, bringing himself to sit on the edge of the bed next to Aloe. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Aloe’s cheek, next to the scar that marred it. It seemed uncouth to say that it made him more attractive, not knowing how he was injured, so he chose to keep that thought to himself for the time being. He carefully rose to his feet and glanced around, and then scoffed in annoyance.

“Did Bertram cut up one of my shirts again?” he muttered.

He was able to walk alright, if shakily, and crossed the room to his bags.

“He says that’s the safest way to do it, but I’m going to run out of shirts at this rate.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe stood slowly. 

“He did…,” he answered truthfully, the implication settling in. Bertram had let it slip before, but hearing it from Myrdin himself and how casual and light he made it sound, had the opposite effect. In the few days they’ve known each other, they were each struck with an arrow. How many where there before? And how many would come after? 

Aloe knew the scorn of family, but the thought of being hunted made his heart ache every time. He touched his scar as he looked between Myrdin, sorting through his bag, and the shield Bertram loaned him. Would he even be of any use even if he was better equipped? He had to be. He told Bertram he would.

He was starting to share Myrdin’s anger for his family, regardless if Myrdin allowed him to or not. 

“I don’t want you to go through anymore shirts,” was all Aloe could bring himself to say, crossing his arms to keep himself from rushing Myrdin and embracing him.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pulled on something loose, just to be a little covered. He laughed wryly, anxiously rubbing at one of his arms.

“I don’t either, but my family hasn’t been giving me much choice in the matter.”

He couldn’t stop a pensive sadness from cutting into his voice. He was asking so much of Aloe to even be associated with him. But he didn’t want Aloe to leave either. Maybe he should say something…

“Aloe… I-”, he paused, trying to work up the courage, “I know I asked you to come with me, but… I can’t ask that in good conscience without making it perfectly clear how dangerous it is.”

The words started to spill out of him before he could stop them. But if he wasn’t honest, and something terrible happened as a result, he would never forgive himself.

“I won’t send you away, I can’t-,” he was surprised by how strongly he felt that, how badly he wanted Aloe to stay, “but I’m going to be attacked again. I can’t know when, or where, but they’ll find me.”

He couldn’t look Aloe in the eyes, his mind repeating the memory of Aloe getting hurt over and over.

“I want you to stay with me, to… be… with me, but I would never be upset with you for deciding it’s too much.”

[aloeviiera]

“Too much?” Aloe echoed. Already, he was taking large strides to reach Myrdin, throwing his arms around him from behind as he nuzzled against his back. Fear, concern, happiness, gratitude, sorrow– it all hit him at once and he buried himself between Myrdin’s shoulder blades, wanting to crawl in him and help carry his heavy heart. 

“Nothing would be too much.” He felt so wrong for feeling so happy to be wanted– and above all to be wanted by Myrdin– while Myrdin sounded so distraught. The dissonance nearly made him cry and his heart continued to ache for him.

He tried to urge Myrdin to turn, seeking Myrdin’s eyes as he put his hands on his shoulders. If he wanted to protect Myrdin, he had to rebuild the courage he lost.  He breathed in deeply before he stared intensely into Myrdin’s eyes as much as the other would allow.

“I w-want it, too. I want… you…” Aloe mumbled clumsily, his arms shaking, finding difficulty in expressing his wants, even if Myrdin allowed him to do so. “And I will leave only at your command. If you can’t tolerate me, I-I’ll… I’ll…” Aloe couldn’t finish, he didn’t even want to think of it. The pain of leaving home broke him and he wouldn’t survive being discarded a second time.

“To the ends of the universe, and beyond that, too. Please, let me stay.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin looked at Aloe with wide eyes as the Viera clung to him. The way he pleaded to stay, in spite of everything they’d already been through, in spite of the troubles that were certainly still to come. His frantic voice and hands trembling on Myrdin’s shoulders spoke directly to Myrdin’s heart. He grabbed Aloe’s face in his own gently shaking hands.

“Aloe, I’m not letting you stay,” he said quietly. He traced the scar on Aloe’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s your choice to stay. I don’t own you.”

He pulled Aloe in against his chest, pressing his face into the top of Aloe’s head. He felt like his heart was fit to burst. He couldn’t help letting some of that joy bleed into his voice. He could never ask Aloe to leave.

“But hearing that you want to stay,” he said, smiling against Aloe’s hair, “It honors me greatly that you would, even knowing the danger.”

[aloeviiera]

I don’t own you.

I don’t own you.

Aloe sank into Myrdin’s embrace unsure how he felt about the sentiment. It was both familiar and new, reminding him of his exile– no longer owned, no longer wanted– but giving him an unexpected sense of, what he supposed was, freedom. Myrdin’s gentle stroke against his scar only reminded him that the past didn’t want him back and they never expected him to have a future. They also never expected for Aloe to meet someone like Myrdin.

Freedom, choice. Aloe had to learn to adjust to it.

“Myrdin…” He wiggled out of Myrdin’s chest, still finding his voice. “You said I could ask anything of you.” It felt strange, so picked at Myrdin’s shirt.

“After we head South, would you like to eat by the pier with me again?” Aloe had such a good time then… before the hunters came.

And almost as to prove that Aloe was more than willing to face whatever dangers followed Myrdin, he mimicked Myrdin’s own nonchalance.

“No interruptions this time.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin felt his smile growing as Aloe went on. It was truly a sweet idea, to try again, to hopefully have a better time. He would have to make things right first, but it gave him even more to work towards. It was strange how such a small thing could make him happy. He laughed, feeling warm and light.

“Is that all? Of course we can do that, I would love to!” He grabbed one of Aloe’s hands, pressing his face against the back of it.

Myrdin didn’t know how else to let out some of his nervous energy, and being affectionate with Aloe came so easily. He laughed anxiously, intertwining their fingers together. Making plans that didn’t involve the more dire aspects of his life was felt strange and new.

“Once I do what I can to deal with the situation with my family, I’ll go anywhere with you. Anywhere you want.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe rarely thought about the future in this way. But every time, it excited him. He held Myrdin’s hands tightly, pushing against him and dragging him along childishly until they were practically waltzing in room. Aloe spouted off places he heard in passing, big cities, small towns, places he’s never seen, places he’s been before– rambling about the things they could do together, things he’d always wanted to do when he once fantasized about leaving for the city. Passerby would never guess beneath his gloomy disposition, Aloe was this much of a romantic. He was almost eager to deal with whatever needed to be dealt with.

“And then if you’re up for it we’d walk the shoreline of Costa Del Sol…. ah, I got carried away…” Aloe retreated slightly, looking away more out of embarrassment than anything else, but he didn’t shirk away from Myrdin and kept holding his hand. 

You make me really happy, he wanted to say. Is this too good to be true?

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin let himself be led around the room, following Aloe wherever his tangential thoughts led him. He looked so warm, so open as he spoke of the future. Myrdin couldn’t help smiling, even as darker thoughts began to boil up in the back of his mind.

Could he have this? Was it safe, or would they take this away from him too?

He gripped Aloe’s hand in reassurance when he seemed to realize he had gotten ahead of himself. Myrdin wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to reassure.

“It’s alright, that all sounds lovely,” he said warmly, and then added, a little more tense, “unfortunately where I’m headed next may not be so charming.”

He held Aloe’s hand in both of his then, thumbs tracing the back of it.

“You don’t know much of Amdapor, do you? Since you aren’t from around here?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe burrowed his flushed face into Myrdin’s chest, in part embarrassed by his ramblings, self-conscious of his ignorance, and the disappointing end to his fantasies. “No,” he mumbled apologetically against Myrdin. “You’re the first one I’ve met who has mentioned it.” 

Pulling back to speak clearly, he squeezed Myrdin’s hands back. “You may have many reasons to doubt me, but whatever you need of me, I’ll do all I can.” He lifted himself to his toes to plant a chaste kiss to the side of Myrdin’s mouth.  “You have all of me,” he reassured. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head to give Aloe a second, more lingering kiss, before pulling away. He smile felt tired, but it came easily.

“I have no cause to doubt you, but I don’t know if I have words for how much I appreciate that sentiment, Aloe.”

He went to his saddle bags and began pulling out rolled up maps and notes that he had borrowed from the conjurer’s guild (with a little smooth talking), and started spreading them out on the floor before Bertram’s hearth, talking as he went.

“Let me see if I can’t get us on the same page. I don’t exactly what my family is doing, but I think it involves some kind of black magic. They’re exactly the kind of people who would seek illicit means to gain more power. If that’s the case…”

He pointed to an fragile and tattered map showing the ancient city.

“Then what I need to counter that should be somewhere in here. White magic. Unfortunately the Padjals don’t teach that to anyone, but I feel that if I go here, to Amdapor… I should be able to find something that’ll help me.”

He was really trimming the fat of his explanation, but he Aloe seemed sharp, so he trusted him to know what he was getting at.

“Amdapor, historically, was the hub of white magic before that was banned, too. Technically, by going there, I’m breaking several Gridanian laws. But if it’ll give me what I need to stop them, I’m willing to do it. On top of all that, Bertram tells me that the city has become very dangerous over the last several years.”

Myrdin gestured to a few old drawings made by people who had explored the city, showing strange mold-like webbing clinging to crumbling stone. He looked back to Aloe, smiling at him.

“I trust you when you say you’ll do anything to help, but if you have any hesitance, I won’t begrudge you that.”

[aloeviiera]

The dreamy kiss-tinged expression dropped into that of complete focus and the fluttering feeling in his stomach faded as Myrdin unrolled his maps. Allowing himself to run his finger along the pages to keep up, Aloe studied them with great intent, burning he images into his mind and absorbing all Myrdin had to say. Unfamiliar words nibbled at him and he held onto some terminology and relinquished the ones to ask about later. Was Amdapor buried under ruin and legislation for public safety or did the Gridanians know something else lingered beneath the remains, he wondered. 

He leaned in over the drawings taking note of the strange details the explorers added, deliberate in their presentation rather than some artistic interpretation. Aloe absorbed fully into the pages before him, nearly blind to Myrdin’s gestures and expressions. 

As his eyes flicked from one scroll to the next. “The popularity of Amdapor’s magicks must’ve caused its downfall if it were banned,” he thought out loud, circling to the other side of Myrdin’s pile to study those too. 

Aloe let out a breath, troubled by the burden Myrdin endured because of the enigmatic sins of his family. “It does seem quite dangerous…” He paced around to ensure he didn’t miss a single detail. 

“Alright,” he moved back to Myrdin’s side, sliding an arm around Myrdin’s waist, eyeing the map one more time. “If this is all you have, then I should be prepared.” “We’ll be cautious,” he said, seriously.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin stretched slowly before leaning against Aloe with a sigh. His body was still aching and tired.

“I’ll be as cautious as someone looking for calamity-causing magicks could be,” he said with wry laugh.

He tipped his head on top of Aloe’s, nudging against one of his long lupine ears, as he looked at the parchment spread out around them. He felt both hesitant and eager, but most of all, relieved.

“I was prepared to enter these places on my own, but I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Having your help in this is invaluable, and will make the whole venture much safer, even if it’s still very dangerous.”

He paused, absorbing the comfort of having someone by his side. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it before.

“Once Bertram is back with Vayu, we should have time to reach Amdapor before I’m caught up with again. They’ll be unlikely to follow us into the city at the very least, unless forced.”

[aloeviiera]

Butterflies returned, fluttering about in his stomach. Aloe rarely liked the feeling of his ears being touched but he couldn’t help blush at the proximity of Myrdin’s face, imagining his lips nipping at the base of it. But more than that, the feeling of being a support to Myrdin’s weight as he leaned into him ignited something in his heart again. Yet it was quickly crushed by the sobering reality at hand. The hunters and Myrdin’s family are likely to find them– find Myrdin– again.

Aloe frowned at that. He hoped whatever Amdapor hid could free Myrdin in the end. “Until Bertram does return, perhaps you should get some more rest.” He rubbed the small of Myrdin’s back, urging him to return to the bed. 

“I saw some vegetables in the kitchen. Would Bertram mind too much if we helped ourselves? I can fix something up for you.” Aloe never thought himself much of a culinarian, but he could be resourceful when needed. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad, and Myrdin wouldn’t hate him for it. 

“Is there anything you dislike to eat?” he said, already making his way to the kitchen. He remembered Myrdin enjoyed flavorful, savory foods. 

He touched his ear and blushed. 

[myrdinisarrel]

“By all means, he won’t mind at all,” Myrdin said with a dismissive smile and a quiet laugh, “Bertram really likes cooking, so you can probably find anything you’d want if you dig around.”

Rather than laying down, Myrdin brushed off Aloe’s gentle guidance towards the bed, instead dragging a chair after Aloe. He ignored any concerned looks he might be receiving as made himself comfortable, leaning against the counter. He hummed thoughtfully at Aloe’s question, and then shrugged.

“Not really, no. I don’t think there’s anything wouldn’t eat,” he said, scratching the side of his neck pensively, “It’s actually a little embarrassing how long it took me to even enjoy food. But now I can usually find something to like about any dish.”

He rested his chin on a hand as he watched Aloe. He thought back to Aloe’s flood of questions the day before, and thought maybe it was fair for him to ask some of his own. He had an idea now that maybe the ways the had lived before meeting each other had more similarities than he would like… he would try to avoid touchier subjects.

“What about you? Things you don’t like? Or better yet, any favorites?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe gave Myrdin a small, playful pout as he made himself comfortable at the counter against Aloe's recommendation. Myrdin proved to be a man who did what he pleased and Aloe couldn’t bring himself to deny him anything, even if he wanted. But he wouldn’t reject the company either if it meant they could stay closer for longer. 

With what he perceived as permission from Myrdin, he began rummaging through Bertram's cupboards and drawers, discovering baskets and boxes filled with different ingredients as Myrdin suggested. Aloe found himself hoping for more moments like these, believing in the normalcy and peace. Both of them lived far from mundane lives, but if it could be like this, he wouldn't mind it.

Maybe they would have a chance after Amdapor. A part of him knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but most of him prayed that it would be-- not in fear of the dangers but in anticipation of the future. Their future. 

He continued to explore some unfamiliar spices and produce, touching and smelling them before placing them back in their spots even a little neater than how he found them. He considered the question seriously, taking some cucumber and tomatoes into his arms, placing them on the counter.  “I eat most things,” he said, truthfully, though his experience meant that most things consisted of whatever he could forage or hunt. It wasn’t until he stepped over to the continent that he was able to even consider an even greater assortment of foodstuff or even consider purchasing meals prepared for him. He had to remember to add eating at a restaurant to his mental list of places to go with Myrdin since Aloe had been too hesitant to experience one. He felt silly having never gone all this time.  Aloe picked up a pumpkin resting at the side of the counter, knocking his knuckles against it in thought. “Um...” he cowered behind the pumpkin as he picked it up, nearly crushing it in his grip. 

Quietly, he mumbled, “I'm fond of pastries.” And cakes. And cookies. And pies. He remembered Myrdin didn’t prefer them. so he slowly peeked behind the giant vegetable to gauge his expression. 

He felt like a child, ashamed to admit that he craved desserts often but repressed those along with all his other wants and wishes. 

“But I dont know how to make them.”

[aloeviiera]

Amdapor is For Lovers (Part II) | @myrdinisarrel

[Part 1 here]

—————-

Sunlight found its way through the crack in the wall, breaking past the mossy blanket safeguarding Bertram’s home. As the room began to brighten, Aloe stirred. He was too warm, too comfortable, too spent, to get up immediately, that he dozed in an out again before his body started to ache, molded into the bed. 

He leaned on one elbow, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with a numbed hand slowly regaining life. They moved around in the night and it seemed Aloe’s arm found its way under Myrdin’s head. He shook out his wrist smiling at the pleasurable pain. 

He took in Myrdin’s sleeping form, absorbing the joy of waking next to him, before he gently peeled himself from the bed as quiet as possible. He examined Myrdin’s bandages before pulling the blanket over him, tucking him in so gently with a nervous hand and a full heart. 

You can ask anything of me, Aloe remembered hearing. He bent over to clean up the mess they made last night also in part to hide from the overwhelming sensation that invaded his heart. It was a gift he did not want to take for granted. He hoped it wasn’t a dream.

The thought of this being some fabricated affair, some kind of ploy, petrified him as he walked into Bertram’s kitchen. How long he stood there with his mind and heart at war, he didn’t know. The warm air of the cottage suddenly grew cold, and he returned to Myrdin’s bedside to put on the shirt Myrdin’s loaned him. He played with the hem to convince himself that this was real. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin was walking through miles of cold, dark stone, a twisting labyrinth he couldn’t make sense of. He was walking fast, his hand brushing the wall to help guide him in the darkness. Something was echoing in the corridors behind him, chasing after. It was gaining, and his heart was pounding. He tried to run, but something grabbed his collar, snatching him backwards. A soft feminine voice whispered in his ear, ‘You can’t run forever, Myrdin.’

He sat up with a gasp, drenched in a cold sweat. The memories of the cold stone and malevolent whispers started to evaporate like smoke, the way dreams tended to. He winced at the twinge of pain in his shoulder. He took a steadying breath, trying to still the hammering of his heart in his chest, to release it from the grip of fear. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, wiping the sweat away before opening his eyes.

Aloe sat nearby, once again dressed in Myrdin’s shirt, toying with the hem of it. He started to feel more at ease at the sight of him, even as he blushed at the memory of their conversation before sleep last night. Myrdin gave him a pensive smile.

“Good morning,” He half-mumbled, still a little groggy.

[aloeviiera]

It was Myrdin’s voice that pulled Aloe from his thoughts. Yet again, Myrdin was an anchor amidst the disquiet. Half startled and half delighted, Aloe moved to kneel beside the bed, eager to occupy, but not quite touching, Myrdin’s space. 

Aloe did notice a slight sobriety in Myrdin’s tone but was unsure if it’s simply due to the morning or something else. Was it Myrdin’s shoulder? Aloe still wasn’t convinced that wasn’t his fault. Did their sleeping position aggravate it? Aloe was to blame for that, too. Or maybe cleaning in the morning disrupted him. Aloe should have waited. 

As those thoughts wracked his mind, he turned his face away in shame, hoping to fix this somehow.

“How are you feeling? Did I wake you?” He managed to say, eyes already begging for forgiveness.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin shook himself a little, the haze of sleep clearing a little more. He actually felt quite well rested, if out of sorts.

“No, it wasn’t you,” he said, carefully stretching, “I may have sat up too quickly, but otherwise I feel well.”

He looked down at Aloe. Down? He tilted his head, now noticing that Aloe was on the floor next to him. He looked… deeply apologetic. Was that just his default expression? Or did he genuinely think he had something to apologize for? What could he have possibly done wrong in the mere minutes that Myrdin had been awake?

Myrdin carefully lowered himself on his good side to be closer to Aloe’s eye level, resting his head on his arm. He smiled still, even though he was quite confused. He reached out to gently brush Aloe’s hair away from his un-scarred eye.

“Why are you on the floor?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe had too many answers to offer but said nothing as he could only hold his breath as Myrdin moved in closer. Myrdin’s angelic smile washed away some of Aloe’s guilt as he stared through his good eye, hair brushed aside like a curtain. 

Even after last night… and the night before… and the night before that… Aloe still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. But Myrdin’s words from last night pushed away the thoughts that plagued Aloe in the morning and the thoughts he struggled to sort through now. Filled with an inexplicable, overwhelming feeling, Aloe sprang up on his knees to give Myrdin a sly yet sheepish peck on his lips, his hands gripping the sheets as he did so. 

“So I can do that,” he answered daringly, as he pulled away, his fingers nearly tearing holes into the bedsheets.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pressed his fingers to his lips, surprised, when Aloe pulled away. It was obvious that that wasn’t exactly the truth, but his adorable-yet-nervous expression was hard to argue with.

“If you say so,” he said, giving Aloe a coy smile.

He shifted slowly, bringing himself to sit on the edge of the bed next to Aloe. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Aloe’s cheek, next to the scar that marred it. It seemed uncouth to say that it made him more attractive, not knowing how he was injured, so he chose to keep that thought to himself for the time being. He carefully rose to his feet and glanced around, and then scoffed in annoyance.

“Did Bertram cut up one of my shirts again?” he muttered.

He was able to walk alright, if shakily, and crossed the room to his bags.

“He says that’s the safest way to do it, but I’m going to run out of shirts at this rate.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe stood slowly. 

“He did…,” he answered truthfully, the implication settling in. Bertram had let it slip before, but hearing it from Myrdin himself and how casual and light he made it sound, had the opposite effect. In the few days they’ve known each other, they were each struck with an arrow. How many where there before? And how many would come after? 

Aloe knew the scorn of family, but the thought of being hunted made his heart ache every time. He touched his scar as he looked between Myrdin, sorting through his bag, and the shield Bertram loaned him. Would he even be of any use even if he was better equipped? He had to be. He told Bertram he would.

He was starting to share Myrdin’s anger for his family, regardless if Myrdin allowed him to or not. 

“I don’t want you to go through anymore shirts,” was all Aloe could bring himself to say, crossing his arms to keep himself from rushing Myrdin and embracing him.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pulled on something loose, just to be a little covered. He laughed wryly, anxiously rubbing at one of his arms.

“I don’t either, but my family hasn’t been giving me much choice in the matter.”

He couldn’t stop a pensive sadness from cutting into his voice. He was asking so much of Aloe to even be associated with him. But he didn’t want Aloe to leave either. Maybe he should say something…

“Aloe… I-”, he paused, trying to work up the courage, “I know I asked you to come with me, but… I can’t ask that in good conscience without making it perfectly clear how dangerous it is.”

The words started to spill out of him before he could stop them. But if he wasn’t honest, and something terrible happened as a result, he would never forgive himself.

“I won’t send you away, I can’t-,” he was surprised by how strongly he felt that, how badly he wanted Aloe to stay, “but I’m going to be attacked again. I can’t know when, or where, but they’ll find me.”

He couldn’t look Aloe in the eyes, his mind repeating the memory of Aloe getting hurt over and over.

“I want you to stay with me, to… be… with me, but I would never be upset with you for deciding it’s too much.”

[aloeviiera]

“Too much?” Aloe echoed. Already, he was taking large strides to reach Myrdin, throwing his arms around him from behind as he nuzzled against his back. Fear, concern, happiness, gratitude, sorrow– it all hit him at once and he buried himself between Myrdin’s shoulder blades, wanting to crawl in him and help carry his heavy heart. 

“Nothing would be too much.” He felt so wrong for feeling so happy to be wanted– and above all to be wanted by Myrdin– while Myrdin sounded so distraught. The dissonance nearly made him cry and his heart continued to ache for him.

He tried to urge Myrdin to turn, seeking Myrdin’s eyes as he put his hands on his shoulders. If he wanted to protect Myrdin, he had to rebuild the courage he lost.  He breathed in deeply before he stared intensely into Myrdin’s eyes as much as the other would allow.

“I w-want it, too. I want… you…” Aloe mumbled clumsily, his arms shaking, finding difficulty in expressing his wants, even if Myrdin allowed him to do so. “And I will leave only at your command. If you can’t tolerate me, I-I’ll… I’ll…” Aloe couldn’t finish, he didn’t even want to think of it. The pain of leaving home broke him and he wouldn’t survive being discarded a second time.

“To the ends of the universe, and beyond that, too. Please, let me stay.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin looked at Aloe with wide eyes as the Viera clung to him. The way he pleaded to stay, in spite of everything they’d already been through, in spite of the troubles that were certainly still to come. His frantic voice and hands trembling on Myrdin’s shoulders spoke directly to Myrdin’s heart. He grabbed Aloe’s face in his own gently shaking hands.

“Aloe, I’m not letting you stay,” he said quietly. He traced the scar on Aloe’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s your choice to stay. I don’t own you.”

He pulled Aloe in against his chest, pressing his face into the top of Aloe’s head. He felt like his heart was fit to burst. He couldn’t help letting some of that joy bleed into his voice. He could never ask Aloe to leave.

“But hearing that you want to stay,” he said, smiling against Aloe’s hair, “It honors me greatly that you would, even knowing the danger.”

[aloeviiera]

I don’t own you.

I don’t own you.

Aloe sank into Myrdin’s embrace unsure how he felt about the sentiment. It was both familiar and new, reminding him of his exile– no longer owned, no longer wanted– but giving him an unexpected sense of, what he supposed was, freedom. Myrdin’s gentle stroke against his scar only reminded him that the past didn’t want him back and they never expected him to have a future. They also never expected for Aloe to meet someone like Myrdin.

Freedom, choice. Aloe had to learn to adjust to it.

“Myrdin…” He wiggled out of Myrdin’s chest, still finding his voice. “You said I could ask anything of you.” It felt strange, so picked at Myrdin’s shirt.

“After we head South, would you like to eat by the pier with me again?” Aloe had such a good time then… before the hunters came.

And almost as to prove that Aloe was more than willing to face whatever dangers followed Myrdin, he mimicked Myrdin’s own nonchalance.

“No interruptions this time.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin felt his smile growing as Aloe went on. It was truly a sweet idea, to try again, to hopefully have a better time. He would have to make things right first, but it gave him even more to work towards. It was strange how such a small thing could make him happy. He laughed, feeling warm and light.

“Is that all? Of course we can do that, I would love to!” He grabbed one of Aloe’s hands, pressing his face against the back of it.

Myrdin didn’t know how else to let out some of his nervous energy, and being affectionate with Aloe came so easily. He laughed anxiously, intertwining their fingers together. Making plans that didn’t involve the more dire aspects of his life was felt strange and new.

“Once I do what I can to deal with the situation with my family, I’ll go anywhere with you. Anywhere you want.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe rarely thought about the future in this way. But every time, it excited him. He held Myrdin’s hands tightly, pushing against him and dragging him along childishly until they were practically waltzing in room. Aloe spouted off places he heard in passing, big cities, small towns, places he’s never seen, places he’s been before– rambling about the things they could do together, things he’d always wanted to do when he once fantasized about leaving for the city. Passerby would never guess beneath his gloomy disposition, Aloe was this much of a romantic. He was almost eager to deal with whatever needed to be dealt with.

“And then if you’re up for it we’d walk the shoreline of Costa Del Sol…. ah, I got carried away…” Aloe retreated slightly, looking away more out of embarrassment than anything else, but he didn’t shirk away from Myrdin and kept holding his hand. 

You make me really happy, he wanted to say. Is this too good to be true?

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin let himself be led around the room, following Aloe wherever his tangential thoughts led him. He looked so warm, so open as he spoke of the future. Myrdin couldn’t help smiling, even as darker thoughts began to boil up in the back of his mind.

Could he have this? Was it safe, or would they take this away from him too?

He gripped Aloe’s hand in reassurance when he seemed to realize he had gotten ahead of himself. Myrdin wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to reassure.

“It’s alright, that all sounds lovely,” he said warmly, and then added, a little more tense, “unfortunately where I’m headed next may not be so charming.”

He held Aloe’s hand in both of his then, thumbs tracing the back of it.

“You don’t know much of Amdapor, do you? Since you aren’t from around here?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe burrowed his flushed face into Myrdin’s chest, in part embarrassed by his ramblings, self-conscious of his ignorance, and the disappointing end to his fantasies. “No,” he mumbled apologetically against Myrdin. “You’re the first one I’ve met who has mentioned it.” 

Pulling back to speak clearly, he squeezed Myrdin’s hands back. “You may have many reasons to doubt me, but whatever you need of me, I’ll do all I can.” He lifted himself to his toes to plant a chaste kiss to the side of Myrdin’s mouth.  “You have all of me,” he reassured. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head to give Aloe a second, more lingering kiss, before pulling away. He smile felt tired, but it came easily.

“I have no cause to doubt you, but I don’t know if I have words for how much I appreciate that sentiment, Aloe.”

He went to his saddle bags and began pulling out rolled up maps and notes that he had borrowed from the conjurer’s guild (with a little smooth talking), and started spreading them out on the floor before Bertram’s hearth, talking as he went.

“Let me see if I can’t get us on the same page. I don’t exactly what my family is doing, but I think it involves some kind of black magic. They’re exactly the kind of people who would seek illicit means to gain more power. If that’s the case…”

He pointed to an fragile and tattered map showing the ancient city.

“Then what I need to counter that should be somewhere in here. White magic. Unfortunately the Padjals don’t teach that to anyone, but I feel that if I go here, to Amdapor… I should be able to find something that’ll help me.”

He was really trimming the fat of his explanation, but he Aloe seemed sharp, so he trusted him to know what he was getting at.

“Amdapor, historically, was the hub of white magic before that was banned, too. Technically, by going there, I’m breaking several Gridanian laws. But if it’ll give me what I need to stop them, I’m willing to do it. On top of all that, Bertram tells me that the city has become very dangerous over the last several years.”

Myrdin gestured to a few old drawings made by people who had explored the city, showing strange mold-like webbing clinging to crumbling stone. He looked back to Aloe, smiling at him.

“I trust you when you say you’ll do anything to help, but if you have any hesitance, I won’t begrudge you that.”

[aloeviiera]

The dreamy kiss-tinged expression dropped into that of complete focus and the fluttering feeling in his stomach faded as Myrdin unrolled his maps. Allowing himself to run his finger along the pages to keep up, Aloe studied them with great intent, burning he images into his mind and absorbing all Myrdin had to say. Unfamiliar words nibbled at him and he held onto some terminology and relinquished the ones to ask about later. Was Amdapor buried under ruin and legislation for public safety or did the Gridanians know something else lingered beneath the remains, he wondered. 

He leaned in over the drawings taking note of the strange details the explorers added, deliberate in their presentation rather than some artistic interpretation. Aloe absorbed fully into the pages before him, nearly blind to Myrdin’s gestures and expressions. 

As his eyes flicked from one scroll to the next. “The popularity of Amdapor’s magicks must’ve caused its downfall if it were banned,” he thought out loud, circling to the other side of Myrdin’s pile to study those too. 

Aloe let out a breath, troubled by the burden Myrdin endured because of the enigmatic sins of his family. “It does seem quite dangerous…” He paced around to ensure he didn’t miss a single detail. 

“Alright,” he moved back to Myrdin’s side, sliding an arm around Myrdin’s waist, eyeing the map one more time. “If this is all you have, then I should be prepared.” “We’ll be cautious,” he said, seriously.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin stretched slowly before leaning against Aloe with a sigh. His body was still aching and tired.

“I’ll be as cautious as someone looking for calamity-causing magicks could be,” he said with wry laugh.

He tipped his head on top of Aloe’s, nudging against one of his long lupine ears, as he looked at the parchment spread out around them. He felt both hesitant and eager, but most of all, relieved.

“I was prepared to enter these places on my own, but I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Having your help in this is invaluable, and will make the whole venture much safer, even if it’s still very dangerous.”

He paused, absorbing the comfort of having someone by his side. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it before.

“Once Bertram is back with Vayu, we should have time to reach Amdapor before I’m caught up with again. They’ll be unlikely to follow us into the city at the very least, unless forced.”

[aloeviiera]

Butterflies returned, fluttering about in his stomach. Aloe rarely liked the feeling of his ears being touched but he couldn’t help blush at the proximity of Myrdin’s face, imagining his lips nipping at the base of it. But more than that, the feeling of being a support to Myrdin’s weight as he leaned into him ignited something in his heart again. Yet it was quickly crushed by the sobering reality at hand. The hunters and Myrdin’s family are likely to find them-- find Myrdin-- again.

Aloe frowned at that. He hoped whatever Amdapor hid could free Myrdin in the end. “Until Bertram does return, perhaps you should get some more rest.” He rubbed the small of Myrdin’s back, urging him to return to the bed. 

“I saw some vegetables in the kitchen. Would Bertram mind too much if we helped ourselves? I can fix something up for you.” Aloe never thought himself much of a culinarian, but he could be resourceful when needed. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad, and Myrdin wouldn’t hate him for it. 

“Is there anything you dislike to eat?” he said, already making his way to the kitchen. He remembered Myrdin enjoyed flavorful, savory foods. 

He touched his ear and blushed. 

[aloeviiera]

Amdapor is For Lovers (Part II) | @myrdinisarrel

[Part 1 here]

—————-

Sunlight found its way through the crack in the wall, breaking past the mossy blanket safeguarding Bertram’s home. As the room began to brighten, Aloe stirred. He was too warm, too comfortable, too spent, to get up immediately, that he dozed in an out again before his body started to ache, molded into the bed. 

He leaned on one elbow, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with a numbed hand slowly regaining life. They moved around in the night and it seemed Aloe’s arm found its way under Myrdin’s head. He shook out his wrist smiling at the pleasurable pain. 

He took in Myrdin’s sleeping form, absorbing the joy of waking next to him, before he gently peeled himself from the bed as quiet as possible. He examined Myrdin’s bandages before pulling the blanket over him, tucking him in so gently with a nervous hand and a full heart. 

You can ask anything of me, Aloe remembered hearing. He bent over to clean up the mess they made last night also in part to hide from the overwhelming sensation that invaded his heart. It was a gift he did not want to take for granted. He hoped it wasn’t a dream.

The thought of this being some fabricated affair, some kind of ploy, petrified him as he walked into Bertram’s kitchen. How long he stood there with his mind and heart at war, he didn’t know. The warm air of the cottage suddenly grew cold, and he returned to Myrdin’s bedside to put on the shirt Myrdin’s loaned him. He played with the hem to convince himself that this was real. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin was walking through miles of cold, dark stone, a twisting labyrinth he couldn’t make sense of. He was walking fast, his hand brushing the wall to help guide him in the darkness. Something was echoing in the corridors behind him, chasing after. It was gaining, and his heart was pounding. He tried to run, but something grabbed his collar, snatching him backwards. A soft feminine voice whispered in his ear, ‘You can’t run forever, Myrdin.’

He sat up with a gasp, drenched in a cold sweat. The memories of the cold stone and malevolent whispers started to evaporate like smoke, the way dreams tended to. He winced at the twinge of pain in his shoulder. He took a steadying breath, trying to still the hammering of his heart in his chest, to release it from the grip of fear. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, wiping the sweat away before opening his eyes.

Aloe sat nearby, once again dressed in Myrdin’s shirt, toying with the hem of it. He started to feel more at ease at the sight of him, even as he blushed at the memory of their conversation before sleep last night. Myrdin gave him a pensive smile.

“Good morning,” He half-mumbled, still a little groggy.

[aloeviiera]

It was Myrdin’s voice that pulled Aloe from his thoughts. Yet again, Myrdin was an anchor amidst the disquiet. Half startled and half delighted, Aloe moved to kneel beside the bed, eager to occupy, but not quite touching, Myrdin’s space. 

Aloe did notice a slight sobriety in Myrdin’s tone but was unsure if it’s simply due to the morning or something else. Was it Myrdin’s shoulder? Aloe still wasn’t convinced that wasn’t his fault. Did their sleeping position aggravate it? Aloe was to blame for that, too. Or maybe cleaning in the morning disrupted him. Aloe should have waited. 

As those thoughts wracked his mind, he turned his face away in shame, hoping to fix this somehow.

“How are you feeling? Did I wake you?” He managed to say, eyes already begging for forgiveness.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin shook himself a little, the haze of sleep clearing a little more. He actually felt quite well rested, if out of sorts.

“No, it wasn’t you,” he said, carefully stretching, “I may have sat up too quickly, but otherwise I feel well.”

He looked down at Aloe. Down? He tilted his head, now noticing that Aloe was on the floor next to him. He looked… deeply apologetic. Was that just his default expression? Or did he genuinely think he had something to apologize for? What could he have possibly done wrong in the mere minutes that Myrdin had been awake?

Myrdin carefully lowered himself on his good side to be closer to Aloe’s eye level, resting his head on his arm. He smiled still, even though he was quite confused. He reached out to gently brush Aloe’s hair away from his un-scarred eye.

“Why are you on the floor?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe had too many answers to offer but said nothing as he could only hold his breath as Myrdin moved in closer. Myrdin’s angelic smile washed away some of Aloe’s guilt as he stared through his good eye, hair brushed aside like a curtain. 

Even after last night… and the night before… and the night before that… Aloe still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. But Myrdin’s words from last night pushed away the thoughts that plagued Aloe in the morning and the thoughts he struggled to sort through now. Filled with an inexplicable, overwhelming feeling, Aloe sprang up on his knees to give Myrdin a sly yet sheepish peck on his lips, his hands gripping the sheets as he did so. 

“So I can do that,” he answered daringly, as he pulled away, his fingers nearly tearing holes into the bedsheets.  

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pressed his fingers to his lips, surprised, when Aloe pulled away. It was obvious that that wasn’t exactly the truth, but his adorable-yet-nervous expression was hard to argue with.

“If you say so,” he said, giving Aloe a coy smile.

He shifted slowly, bringing himself to sit on the edge of the bed next to Aloe. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Aloe’s cheek, next to the scar that marred it. It seemed uncouth to say that it made him more attractive, not knowing how he was injured, so he chose to keep that thought to himself for the time being. He carefully rose to his feet and glanced around, and then scoffed in annoyance.

“Did Bertram cut up one of my shirts again?” he muttered.

He was able to walk alright, if shakily, and crossed the room to his bags.

“He says that’s the safest way to do it, but I’m going to run out of shirts at this rate.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe stood slowly. 

“He did…,” he answered truthfully, the implication settling in. Bertram had let it slip before, but hearing it from Myrdin himself and how casual and light he made it sound, had the opposite effect. In the few days they’ve known each other, they were each struck with an arrow. How many where there before? And how many would come after? 

Aloe knew the scorn of family, but the thought of being hunted made his heart ache every time. He touched his scar as he looked between Myrdin, sorting through his bag, and the shield Bertram loaned him. Would he even be of any use even if he was better equipped? He had to be. He told Bertram he would.

He was starting to share Myrdin’s anger for his family, regardless if Myrdin allowed him to or not. 

“I don’t want you to go through anymore shirts,” was all Aloe could bring himself to say, crossing his arms to keep himself from rushing Myrdin and embracing him.

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin pulled on something loose, just to be a little covered. He laughed wryly, anxiously rubbing at one of his arms.

“I don’t either, but my family hasn’t been giving me much choice in the matter.”

He couldn’t stop a pensive sadness from cutting into his voice. He was asking so much of Aloe to even be associated with him. But he didn’t want Aloe to leave either. Maybe he should say something…

“Aloe… I-”, he paused, trying to work up the courage, “I know I asked you to come with me, but… I can’t ask that in good conscience without making it perfectly clear how dangerous it is.”

The words started to spill out of him before he could stop them. But if he wasn’t honest, and something terrible happened as a result, he would never forgive himself.

“I won’t send you away, I can’t-,” he was surprised by how strongly he felt that, how badly he wanted Aloe to stay, “but I’m going to be attacked again. I can’t know when, or where, but they’ll find me.”

He couldn’t look Aloe in the eyes, his mind repeating the memory of Aloe getting hurt over and over.

“I want you to stay with me, to… be… with me, but I would never be upset with you for deciding it’s too much.”

[aloeviiera]

“Too much?” Aloe echoed. Already, he was taking large strides to reach Myrdin, throwing his arms around him from behind as he nuzzled against his back. Fear, concern, happiness, gratitude, sorrow– it all hit him at once and he buried himself between Myrdin’s shoulder blades, wanting to crawl in him and help carry his heavy heart. 

“Nothing would be too much.” He felt so wrong for feeling so happy to be wanted– and above all to be wanted by Myrdin– while Myrdin sounded so distraught. The dissonance nearly made him cry and his heart continued to ache for him.

He tried to urge Myrdin to turn, seeking Myrdin’s eyes as he put his hands on his shoulders. If he wanted to protect Myrdin, he had to rebuild the courage he lost.  He breathed in deeply before he stared intensely into Myrdin’s eyes as much as the other would allow.

“I w-want it, too. I want… you…” Aloe mumbled clumsily, his arms shaking, finding difficulty in expressing his wants, even if Myrdin allowed him to do so. “And I will leave only at your command. If you can’t tolerate me, I-I’ll… I’ll…” Aloe couldn’t finish, he didn’t even want to think of it. The pain of leaving home broke him and he wouldn’t survive being discarded a second time.

“To the ends of the universe, and beyond that, too. Please, let me stay.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin looked at Aloe with wide eyes as the Viera clung to him. The way he pleaded to stay, in spite of everything they’d already been through, in spite of the troubles that were certainly still to come. His frantic voice and hands trembling on Myrdin’s shoulders spoke directly to Myrdin’s heart. He grabbed Aloe’s face in his own gently shaking hands.

“Aloe, I’m not letting you stay,” he said quietly. He traced the scar on Aloe’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s your choice to stay. I don’t own you.”

He pulled Aloe in against his chest, pressing his face into the top of Aloe’s head. He felt like his heart was fit to burst. He couldn’t help letting some of that joy bleed into his voice. He could never ask Aloe to leave.

“But hearing that you want to stay,” he said, smiling against Aloe’s hair, “It honors me greatly that you would, even knowing the danger.”

[aloeviiera]

I don’t own you.

I don’t own you.

Aloe sank into Myrdin’s embrace unsure how he felt about the sentiment. It was both familiar and new, reminding him of his exile– no longer owned, no longer wanted– but giving him an unexpected sense of, what he supposed was, freedom. Myrdin’s gentle stroke against his scar only reminded him that the past didn’t want him back and they never expected him to have a future. They also never expected for Aloe to meet someone like Myrdin.

Freedom, choice. Aloe had to learn to adjust to it.

“Myrdin…” He wiggled out of Myrdin’s chest, still finding his voice. “You said I could ask anything of you.” It felt strange, so picked at Myrdin’s shirt.

“After we head South, would you like to eat by the pier with me again?” Aloe had such a good time then… before the hunters came.

And almost as to prove that Aloe was more than willing to face whatever dangers followed Myrdin, he mimicked Myrdin’s own nonchalance.

“No interruptions this time.”

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin felt his smile growing as Aloe went on. It was truly a sweet idea, to try again, to hopefully have a better time. He would have to make things right first, but it gave him even more to work towards. It was strange how such a small thing could make him happy. He laughed, feeling warm and light.

“Is that all? Of course we can do that, I would love to!” He grabbed one of Aloe’s hands, pressing his face against the back of it.

Myrdin didn’t know how else to let out some of his nervous energy, and being affectionate with Aloe came so easily. He laughed anxiously, intertwining their fingers together. Making plans that didn’t involve the more dire aspects of his life was felt strange and new.

“Once I do what I can to deal with the situation with my family, I’ll go anywhere with you. Anywhere you want.”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe rarely thought about the future in this way. But every time, it excited him. He held Myrdin’s hands tightly, pushing against him and dragging him along childishly until they were practically waltzing in room. Aloe spouted off places he heard in passing, big cities, small towns, places he’s never seen, places he’s been before– rambling about the things they could do together, things he’d always wanted to do when he once fantasized about leaving for the city. Passerby would never guess beneath his gloomy disposition, Aloe was this much of a romantic. He was almost eager to deal with whatever needed to be dealt with.

“And then if you’re up for it we’d walk the shoreline of Costa Del Sol…. ah, I got carried away…” Aloe retreated slightly, looking away more out of embarrassment than anything else, but he didn’t shirk away from Myrdin and kept holding his hand. 

You make me really happy, he wanted to say. Is this too good to be true?

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin let himself be led around the room, following Aloe wherever his tangential thoughts led him. He looked so warm, so open as he spoke of the future. Myrdin couldn’t help smiling, even as darker thoughts began to boil up in the back of his mind.

Could he have this? Was it safe, or would they take this away from him too?

He gripped Aloe’s hand in reassurance when he seemed to realize he had gotten ahead of himself. Myrdin wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to reassure.

“It’s alright, that all sounds lovely,” he said warmly, and then added, a little more tense, “unfortunately where I’m headed next may not be so charming.”

He held Aloe’s hand in both of his then, thumbs tracing the back of it.

“You don’t know much of Amdapor, do you? Since you aren’t from around here?”

[aloeviiera]

Aloe burrowed his flushed face into Myrdin’s chest, in part embarrassed by his ramblings, self-conscious of his ignorance, and the disappointing end to his fantasies. “No,” he mumbled apologetically against Myrdin. “You’re the first one I’ve met who has mentioned it.” 

Pulling back to speak clearly, he squeezed Myrdin’s hands back. “You may have many reasons to doubt me, but whatever you need of me, I’ll do all I can.” He lifted himself to his toes to plant a chaste kiss to the side of Myrdin’s mouth.  “You have all of me,” he reassured. 

[myrdinisarrel]

Myrdin tilted his head to give Aloe a second, more lingering kiss, before pulling away. He smile felt tired, but it came easily.

“I have no cause to doubt you, but I don’t know if I have words for how much I appreciate that sentiment, Aloe.”

He went to his saddle bags and began pulling out rolled up maps and notes that he had borrowed from the conjurer’s guild (with a little smooth talking), and started spreading them out on the floor before Bertram’s hearth, talking as he went.

“Let me see if I can’t get us on the same page. I don’t exactly what my family is doing, but I think it involves some kind of black magic. They’re exactly the kind of people who would seek illicit means to gain more power. If that’s the case…”

He pointed to an fragile and tattered map showing the ancient city.

“Then what I need to counter that should be somewhere in here. White magic. Unfortunately the Padjals don’t teach that to anyone, but I feel that if I go here, to Amdapor… I should be able to find something that’ll help me.”

He was really trimming the fat of his explanation, but he Aloe seemed sharp, so he trusted him to know what he was getting at.

“Amdapor, historically, was the hub of white magic before that was banned, too. Technically, by going there, I’m breaking several Gridanian laws. But if it’ll give me what I need to stop them, I’m willing to do it. On top of all that, Bertram tells me that the city has become very dangerous over the last several years.”

Myrdin gestured to a few old drawings made by people who had explored the city, showing strange mold-like webbing clinging to crumbling stone. He looked back to Aloe, smiling at him.

“I trust you when you say you’ll do anything to help, but if you have any hesitance, I won’t begrudge you that.”

[aloeviiera]

The dreamy kiss-tinged expression dropped into that of complete focus and the fluttering feeling in his stomach faded as Myrdin unrolled his maps. Allowing himself to run his finger along the pages to keep up, Aloe studied them with great intent, burning he images into his mind and absorbing all Myrdin had to say. Unfamiliar words nibbled at him and he held onto some terminology and relinquished the ones to ask about later. Was Amdapor buried under ruin and legislation for public safety or did the Gridanians know something else lingered beneath the remains, he wondered. 

He leaned in over the drawings taking note of the strange details the explorers added, deliberate in their presentation rather than some artistic interpretation. Aloe absorbed fully into the pages before him, nearly blind to Myrdin’s gestures and expressions. 

As his eyes flicked from one scroll to the next. "The popularity of Amdapor’s magicks must’ve caused its downfall if it were banned,” he thought out loud, circling to the other side of Myrdin’s pile to study those too. 

Aloe let out a breath, troubled by the burden Myrdin endured because of the enigmatic sins of his family. “It does seem quite dangerous...” He paced around to ensure he didn’t miss a single detail. 

“Alright,” he moved back to Myrdin’s side, sliding an arm around Myrdin’s waist, eyeing the map one more time. “If this is all you have, then I should be prepared.” “We’ll be cautious,” he said, seriously.