Ironhide x Sam: #50 "I don't want to hear about it."
When I say the bigger the better I mean it. I'm a shameless Bayverse simp and don't worry I know where the door is. OMW there as we speak. Totally not inspired by those few Everyone x Sam fics that you can find on AO3. As per usual - blame it on @lucianhuntress
It has been a few months since events at Mission City and Sam’s life has pretty much settled back to what it used to be. With small additions of a girlfriend, best mate in the form of his cool ass ride slash guardian and nation level top secret secret to keep aka transformers. With whom he, surprisingly, bonded really well. The ‘autonomous robotic organisms’, especially the autobot gang, have become really close to him. Despite their freshly formed alliance with the US government and relocation to a more appropriate base the bots have kept in touch with Sam via text messages. How they have access to sim cards was beyond him but he didn’t question it too much. And once in a blue moon familiar alt forms would drive by and park right by the Witwicky residency. ‘Shore leave’ so to say.
It was one of those afternoons when Sam’s mother, Judy, had a brilliant idea to urge Sam to ask one of his alien car friends to go and pick up her order of garden flowers. Their back yard has finally been restored after Sector 7’s extorsions and oddly-localized-earthquakes-that-were-actually-autobots-having-nervous-dance-that-she-didn’t-need-to-know-about, so Witwicky matriarch has been eager to plant her pretty little garden again.
Sam had groaned at the request, not necessarily even out of laziness or teenage rebellion, but an embarrassment to request something like that from literal war machines. It didn’t take more than one stern look from his mother for Sam to shut his trap, grab the receipt, and walk out of the door. As he walked toward their driveway, which has become an alien autopark for the weekend, Sam checked his mother’s order. Based on how much he was to pick up Bumblebee was out of the question, Ratchet would be awkward to drive, and Optimus… let’s say he had no confidence in driving a semi truck to a garden store. That was leaving him with…
Ironhide.
With a deep inhale and even longer exhale Sam headed to the black GMC pickup truck. He dreaded the weapon specialist’s reaction to his offer to go and pick some flowers but to his surprise the bot hummed at his request and popped the driver’s seat door open without a question. The teen couldn’t hide the surprise on his face as he scrambled himself into the driver’s seat and buckled up. “Where to?” Ironhide’s stern voice came from the stereos as the navigation panel lit up, waiting for Sam to punch in the address. He quickly did a double take on the receipt to make sure he typed it in right. The monitor found the destination quickly, estimating the drive for about a little over an hour, the store being right outside of Tranquility.
“We should make it there in time,” Sam commented as Ironhide rolled out. “Easily,” was huffed back with humor in the tone before music took over in the cabin. The teen smiled at that, leaning on the frame of the rolled down window enjoying the warm breeze. His other hand never left the steering wheel despite the autobot doing all the driving.
There was barely any conversation between them, some passed by comments about places they drove by and songs that came on radio. Nothing more and one would say that most of the time it was an awkward silence. But to Sam, it was a comfortable one. The one he had grown accustomed to.
When they arrived at the garden store, Sam asked Ironhide to find the spot closest to the entrance, as there will be a lot to load in. The mech obliged without any comments, which at this point made the teen wonder. Ironhide was usually rough and blunt with comments, if not a tad sarcastic. So for him to be so obedient, dare he say, was starting to concern him. With that in mind, he gave GMS’s hood a pat.
“Will try to be quick,” the teen told the bot over his shoulder as he headed to the store, to which he got flashed by headlights.
The garden building, true to its words, was all green and humid. The cashier counter was right across the hall from the entrance and had an air fan blasting right next to it. Thankfully, with barely any other customers around Sam was taken in right away. A clerk went through his order, nodded and asked him to wait for about a few minutes as his order was in the storage. While waiting Sam let himself wander away a little. After an aisle with seeds and on sale garden equipment came a row of stone figures. He lazily passed them by before one of the statues caught his attention. A dog of a small breed, sitting straight as on guard. It eerily reminded him of his own little rat of a dog, Mojo. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the resemblance and whipped out his phone, to snap a photo and send it right away to Ironhide.
The autobot answered instantly. “That thing is not riding with us.”
Sam chuckled. “Don’t worry, most likely out of my price range.”
“Good. Primus knows the one you have was a mistake enough.”
Amused by the weapon specialist’s dislike of dogs, or especially of Mojo, he did kneel down to check the price of it. Just for fun. And yes, the price did make him wince.
It wasn’t even a minute later that the clerk rolled out a stroller with a few levels of long boxes with different kinds of seedlings and a few stacks of bigger pots. On the lower level of the cart were two huge packages of soil. Sam mentally sighed but gave the worker a nod and a smile, thanking for the service. The cart being stacked to the brim, it took Sam an embarrassing amount of effort to get it moving. He carefully maneuvered it out of the automatic doors and stopped right next to the waiting black pickup truck. He didn’t have to say a word for the back trunk’s tailgate to fall open. With a “thanks” he began transferring the load into the car.
He was really careful and thus really slow to Ironhide’s amusement. “What? Those things heavy for ya?”
Sam winced, as true to the bot's words the little workout was making him sweat. Hitting it like a nail that the teen was indeed pretty scrawny. Even by human standards. But in his defence it was really hot! And he had been working out… but not as vigorously as one maybe should.
“You try tetris these seedlings,” Sam bit back. “Here trying to make sure that we won’t lose any on our way back, big shot. My mom can be really scary when it comes to her flora.”
Sam expected for Ironhide to double down on him but surprisingly the mech went silent. And after a pregnant pause just added “Take your time.”
It was now obvious that Ironhide was somehow taking this whole ordeal way too seriously and the teen was struggling to figure out why. So the rest of loading Sam was given peace and quiet. He himself tried to be as quick as efficient as possible, finishing off with belts to keep the inventory from sliding around. And with that they were on their way back.
The sun was rolling down towards the horizon and it was getting darker as they drove home. The radio was playing music quietly, filling the clearly awkward silence this time. The curiosity was eating up on Sam and at some point he couldn’t keep it in and decided to breach the topic.
“So, thanks for helping me out,” he started hesitantly.
“No problem,” Ironhide grunted back, passively.
“Honestly, even kinda surprised that you agreed so easily?”
“Hmm? You thought I wouldn’t assist you?” mech asked back, now more focused on Sam.
“Easily was the key word in that one.”
“I have no clue what you are talking about,” Ironhide tried to dismiss the topic.
“Oh come on,” the teen was now invested, being sure that there was something after all and he hadn’t just imagined it. “Usually you would have tried to wiggle out of chores unless it involved something cool or explosive. I don’t say that you wouldn’t have helped but I was sure that I would have to bribe you into this.”
The autobot stayed quiet, continuing to drive, even if a tad faster. “So what is this about, big shot?” Sam pressed one more time. A long sigh echoed through the cabin, music now completely muted. “We were given access to the Sector 7 files and they had recordings of the night when they came for you and your family.” Sam listened, not interrupting, having no clue where this was going yet.
“And I will have to admit, I do… umm… feel uneasy around your mother.”
Sam’s eyebrows shot up as he stared at the stereo system leaning forward, waiting for the bot to elaborate. Which the other one didn’t feel like doing.
“Wait? So all this compliance ‘cause you fear my mom’s wrath? Really?”
Ironhide kept his silence, clearly uncomfortable with his own confession.
Sam dropped back in the seat, closing his eyes for a moment. He didn’t feel like laughing or poking the bot about it. Because in the end he completely agreed with him.
“Honestly, same…” Sam admitted. “I don’t understand how Michaela and Bee agree that mom is sweet and gentle. I feel like they always look the other way when she starts to breathe fire at me.”
“She does that too?” Ironhide chuckled, asking half seriously.
“Figuratively of course, but might as well,” the teen sighed and his eyes went back to the dashboard. “But why would you fear her tho? Not like she can do much to you? Maybe break your windshield with a baseball bat, or key your paint job…”
“Or deny us permission to stay at your residency,” the mech added.
It was now Sam who was rendered speechless. Before he could ask to elaborate, Ironhide continued. “You don’t understand how frustrating the human bureaucracy and all the rules and restrictions are at the base. So our connection to you and Bumblebee staying with you is a great reason for us to get permission to leave those barracks even if for a short while. Prime says it’s temporary, that he is working on getting us better space. But… yeah meanwhile these shore leaves are one of the few things that keep me sane there.”
Sam was surprisingly touched by Ironhide’s honesty. He felt guilty for never considering how possibly uncomfortable the autobots felt while away, never asking them about it. They themselves were pretty much walls of stoic strength that wouldn’t complain unless directly asked. So hearing that for them coming over was almost an even bigger event that it was for Sam… warmed him from inside. The teen’s grip on the wheel tightened. “I will fight mom if she’s against your guys' stay overs. You are always welcome at the Witwicky driveway in Tranquility,” Sam reassured.
Ironhide’s genuine chuckle boomed in the cabin. “Hope these chores will soften the blows.”
The dreadful flash of red and blue accompanied with chilling ‘whoop-whoop’ sound washed away all the fluff from the air exchanging it to the dread. Sam’s eyes quickly shot to the speedometer that was showing close to 40mph while in the suburban area.
“Shit. Shit. Shit! A ticket will only make matters worse!” The teen panicked, spotting the police car through the rear view mirror.
“Should we hit and run?” Ironhide suggested, voice serious.
“NO!” Sam yelled. “Pull over! Gently! And please be quiet while I… handle it.”
Ironhide did as was told and came to stop at the side of the road, cutting off the engine. The police car parked right behind them and an older, tired of his life looking man came to the driver’s side window. He flashed the teen with a small flashlight, then the passenger seats, making sure he was alone before putting it away.
“You know why I pulled you over, kid?” he asked without enthusiasm.
Sam, at the edge of panic, attempted to collect himself. “G-good evening officer,” he stuttered before clearing his throat and attempting again. “I’m very sorry, I got distracted while trying to figure out the addresses around here and wasn’t aware of the changed speed limit,” he explained, lying through his teeth. He has come up with a few excuses beforehand, as he was afraid that he and Bee would be pulled over one day. But his guardian has managed to stick to the rules well, escaping the need to use any.
“I see…” the policeman eyes him, clearly not impressed. “Your documents.”
“Hmm?” Sam asks, baffled.
“Your driver’s license and registration,” is stated more sternly.
“Oh! Yeah right,” Sam scrambled in his seat as he tried to pull out his wallet from his back pocket. He swore he heard Ironhide chuckle at his struggles to which he shot a glare before turning back to the officer.
“Here you go,” he gives the papers which are quickly accepted and taken back to the patrol car behind them. Sam didn’t dare to move or speak, his heart hammering in dangerous overdrive. Ironhide, thankfully, stayed quiet too.
After a few minutes that felt like forever the man came back but not offering his papers back just yet.
“This car is not in your name.” he stated and that made Sam sweat. Of course, he had papers on a Camaro, not a GMC. His palms tightened painfully around the wheel as his mind started to run a mile. He hadn’t thought through this part. Was it his dads? His mom’s? Can an officer easily check that out? Michaela’s? His neighbour's name he doesn’t even remember? He found the car open and decided to borrow?
“Oh boy…” Sam let out unintentionally before he could stop himself.
“Boy?” the officer repeated next to him, snapping the teen back to the present.
“Um…Yes. My boy…friend’s. He let me use it for a pick up,” Sam nodded while looking the policeman straight into the eyes, not daring to look away.
“Boyfriend’s?” the policeman repeated with a hint of disbelief. “And what were you picking up?”
“Flowers and seedlings. Remaking our backyard garden,” Sam cracked an awkward smile and batted his eyelashes at him in an exaggerated flutter.
The man recoiled at such a display, handing his papers back. Sam was clearly not worth his time in filing paperwork. “Keep this thing under 30. On your way,” he tapped the side of the car before turning to walk away.
“Good night, officer!” Sam yelled after him cheerfully, relieved that they were let go with a warning. When the patrol car passed them, driving away, the teen finally relaxed, slouching over, resting his forehead against the wheel.
The black truck was vibrating just slightly, clearly not being able to hold in laughter, irritating and fueling Sam’s embarrassment even more.
“So, lover boy?” Ironhide cooed. “Shut up.”
“Gonna take me out for dinner first?”
“I don't want to hear about it,” Sam pleaded.
“Or are we going straight to your place?”
Sam let out a groan that was quickly overpowered by audible laughter of the autobot. Ironhide was clearly enjoying the whole situation to the core of his spark.
“Ah this is amazing! Can’t wait to tell Bumblebee about this! Oh his face will be priceless!” the bot went on and to Sam’s horror he was sure that he wasn’t even joking but promising. “Just… keep it under the 30, please,” is all that Sam managed while still hiding his blushing face within his palms.
“Alright alright! Will get you and flowers home safe and sound, precious,” he chuckled as they began to drive again.
And true to his words, not a single sapling was harmed during that ride.
