The thing to understand is that Depression
Even When It Is Trying to Kill You!
Your brain exists to preserve you; itās just Dumb, and how it goes about āpreservingā is determined by evolutionāsĀ āGood Enoughā meat-and-chemistry mechanisms rather than a firm grasp of biology.
You know how, stuck atop a burning building, ppl will sometimes throw themselves off in a vain hope of surviving? Thatās what depression-driven suicide is. You are under THAT amount of stress, often sustained for a FAR longer time. Your brain only understands āStressā: it doesnāt know causes, it doesnāt know Events, and it only has the one set of instinctive āextreme measuresā to fall back on. I made things SO hard on myself for SO Long conceiving of Depression as a Fight I had to Win, rather than a chronic illness in need of my understanding and careful management.
Help your brain. Nurse it. Ask yourself where it hurts and why. Recognize that the desire to die is a symptom, an injury, and not your āTruthā. Try to calm it, Try to endure: It WILL Pass. As perverse as it sounds, your desire to die is an expression of how PASSIONATELY you want to get away from the pain tormenting you; of how MUCH you want to LIVE. PLEASE Live!
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