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@altyex
Reminder
Loves, I’ve all but abandoned this Tumblr in favor of my side blog/new main: AltyExCray.
Still your Chelsea. Until Tumblr lifts shadow bans on blogs, not going to check this one often OR delete it. Have way too many years of memories.
I’ll add new followers, just to make sure they’re followed on my other blog.
Ta, my darlings!!
-Chelsea
Needless to say, I am HORRIFIED.
‘All that you need to know about boars can be summed up in the fact that if you wish to hunt them, you must have a specially made boar spear. This spear has a crosspiece on it to prevent the boar from charging the length of the spear, driving it all the way through his own body, to savage the human holding the other end.’
-Boar and Apples, T. Kingfisher
fuck OFF
Note that pigs are also HUGE. So, yes, they ARE slightly larger pigs.
So I grew up in the city and have never seen a pig in real life and I just googled it and WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
I thought they were like labrador sized, like, fat labradors, not mini-cows.
every time I see this post there are more people discovering how fuck off huge pigs actually are and I love it I thought this was a thing everyone knew but clearly not and I’m laughing
This is me with our Tamworth boar, a heritage breed closer to their wild cousins than the Yorkshire above. I am a fully grown, average sized human. He was a gentle sweetie who, sadly, is no longer with us. His name was Mr. Big.
FUCK OFF
Forever laffin’ at people who don’t understand how enormous, terrifying, and tenacious wild boar are.
They’re like if bears had knives protruding from their closed mouths and Didn’t Know When To Quit. Their survival instincts when they’re wounded aren’t “run away and minimize injury” it’s “take the thing that hurt you down with you” They also make sounds like someone crossed a pig with an alligator.
Their head and neck alone can be like the size of an entire human torso.
Also forever laffin’ at people who think pigs are tiny, ‘cause we designed those things can get in the neighbourhood of a thousand pounds in ideal circumstances.
It’s like when people assume Tuna must be small because they’ve only ever experienced them in hockey puck form.
Like seriously why the fuck y'all think everyone FREAKED THE HELL OUT when Dorothy fell into the pig pen in Wizard of Oz? It’s because pigs are HUGE and weigh a shitton and would crush her in an instant.
also dont they eat like, basically anything?
YUP. Pigs will eat people, if given the chance. They dgaf.
That’s why boar hunters use a team of very tenacious dogs to hold the boar so they can be speared without fucking you up. The dogs wear body armour.
I’ve heard stories of people shooting boars, and if it didn’t kill them, it just pissed them off.
how the hell did we ever domesticate these things?
…“how the hell did we ever domesticate these things?”
Very carefully, I would imagine.
WIld boar babies are rather cute, like living humbugs…
…but the adults and their ferocity have been associated with warriors for thousands of years, from Mycenaean Greece (a helmet made from sections of boar tusk)…
…through Celtic Europe (reconstructed carnyx war-horns and standards)…
…Ancient Rome (the crest of Legion 20 “Valeria Victrix”). A couple more legions also used a boar as their crest - I wonder did they squabble over which was the “right” one the way a couple of Swiss cantons had a little war over whose bear was best…?
…then Anglo-Saxon and pre-Viking helmet crests…
…right up to the late Middle Ages (here the white boar badge of Richard Duke of Gloucester, later Richard III of England)…
…and the blue boar badge of the Earl of Oxford, more usually represented by the De Vere arms, quarterly gules and or, in the first a molet argent.
After Richard was defeated at Bosworth in 1485, there was a run on blue paint as inn-signs were changed to reflect new loyalties since Oxford was on the winning side…
And pigs will definitely eat people.
It gets mentioned in the movie “Snatch”, the book/movie “Hannibal” and the webcomic “Lackadaisy Cats”, among numerous other fictional sources, and IRL it’s suspected to be the reason why numerous missing persons have stayed missing.
More here (another comment to this same OP) and here (slightly different).
Here’s some boar-hunting armour for dogs, ancient…
…and modern…
…and the modern one looks very like a simple style of ancient…
So when Odysseus’s old nurse recognizes him by the scar he got from the boar-tusk slash that almost killed him… now you get the resonance.
This post…it just really went places on me.
I hope you read this entire post, and that it made your entire day so much better, even if just for a few moments, like it did mine.
giant fuckoff alligator wolves
While in Sweden I was warned by the family I stayed with to be careful about not touching any fences, because apparently they’re all electrified to TRY keeping boars off properties. I was also walking the family dog each morning through the forest and was warned to turn the fuck around and walk back speedily if the dog ever stopped and just… wouldn’t budge. At all. Unless it was in the opposite direction.
Fastforward a few months to when I’m back home and hearing about the boar problem a family friend is having. I recommend electric fences, since that obviously works for Swedes. The guy tells me that won’t work for him since it’s a herd of boars, so the boars will just charge the fence enmasse, sacrifice the first few, trample over them and enter orchard to feast.
Welp.
One of the best moments of my childhood was a month I spent on a farm when I was eleven. We were about fifteen kids, ranging from ‘My family keeps chickens’ to ‘Wait, potatoes grow underground?!?’ and we helped with gardening and the animals and slept on straw and went out at night to learn about constellations.
It was like Hogwarts, but with goats.
One of my favourite animals there was Louise, a gigantic she-pig who lived with her daughter Hortense just behind the stables. She was like a Renaissance queen - sprawled out against the fence, enjoying the shade, and looking up at us with a distinct human expression (fed-upness bordering on open dislike). Hortense would eat kitchen waste, grunting in appreciation as soon as she saw one of us arrive with the bucket, but Louise always required nobler offerings, such as a whole apple she’d take directly from our hands.
Anyway, by the time we arrived there Louise was heavily pregnant - probably exhausted and demented with the need of creating a welcoming environment for her delivery and future babies - and she’d often bicker with Hortense (one thing I learned there is that when pigs bicker, that means they bite down and draw blood). The farmer was actually considering moving Hortense before the situation could escalate any further, and was working on a new pen as the hottest day of July dawned and Louise finally lost her God-given shit.
I don’t know how it started because I was sitting quietly in the dining hall trying to sketch a spider I’d trapped under a glass when I suddenly heard, in quick succession the unmistakeable sounds of impending doom: Hortense screaming bloody murder, some kid shouting, the catastrophic CRACK of something very sturdy breaking down, more pig noises, more human noises, and just as I was getting up, the glass door to my left shattered as a 700 lb sow crashed through it, ran right through the chairs in front of her (two splintered into matchsticks) and snouted her way out of the other door.
It was like a minor earthquake.
(The pitcher of tea that had been on my table had fallen down, and so had the glasses - including my spider glass. Two framed photos of the surrounding mountains had slid down the wall, sending glass everywhere.)
As I stood there like an idiot, pencil in hand, the farmer came running through the door. “Stay back,” he roared, stopping to pick up a broom. I raised my hand to point him in the right direction - as if the door hanging off one hinge wasn’t a big enough clue - and he ran out again.
Ultimately, he decided Louise was too angry to be reasoned with. He left her alone, fuming under an old apple tree at the very edge of the farm, and focused on moving poor, traumatized Hortense to a safer place. Since the new shed wasn’t finished, the chickens drew the short straw. Hortense moved in with them, and she immediately scared them half to death by digging a car-sized hole in their coop. She then sat inside it, oblivious to the distressed, offended clucking echoing all around her, and spent the rest of the day crying about her mother hurting her (and I mean, real human tears) and warily accepting bits of fruits and veggies from us as we tried to cheer her up.
As for Louise, she didn’t seem to give a fuck about any of that. After several hours, she simply strutted back to the now-empty pigsty, majestically ignoring the signs of the devastation, sat down and waited for dinner.
I was there for another three weeks - mother and daughter never talked again. Louise was much happier, and Hortense, after a few more days of mourning, made friends with the chickens. When I left, the scars of Louise’s bites were still angry and red on her delicate, Georgian features.
Screw you Tumblr..
My loves.
My darlings.
My angsty little fledglings.
I'm sick and tired of Tumblr having my blog marked as EXPLICIT, when it clearly ISN'T.
So I'm moving to my other account, AltyExCray. Formerly the account I'd try and dead my princess with. This account will still be up, no worries! I have many good memories and posts on this blog. Too many to throw away.
But until I can get this explicit mark removed, won't be updating over here. Ffs, I can't even search my own tags!
Makes it hard when I'm trying to update snippets and teasers.
So I'll add everyone to my new blog, no worries. And all reblogs for stories will still be tagged accordingly, from this blog to my new blog.
Screw you so hard, Tumblr..
REBLOG IF YOU LOVE DOGS
9 million people fucking love dogs
Here we come 10.
BREAK THE POST
BREAK THE POST
BREAK THE POST
I’ve finally found it again
the elusive 10 million note post
they say no two people reblog it with the same original text
why do people in mcu believe that hats and/or sunglasses are good disguises? Its like guys I know its you. Steve i’d know that shoulder to waist ratio anywhere, you’re fooling no one.
One morning at the bunker
Sick Dean: *Blows nose*
Sam: *reading and drinking coffee*
Cas: *thinking*
Dean: *blows nose again*
Cas: *looks at Dean* Dean stop
Dean: *coughs* what *sniffs* I’m just blowing my nose
Sam: *looks up from book* bet that’s not the only thing you blew
Cas: *snaps fingers*
Sam: *looses his voice*
Dean: *violently coughing*
Sam, signing: bet that’s not the only throat you’ve wrecked
Jameela Jamil has revealed she turned down the role of a deaf woman because she did not want to deprive a disabled actress of a job.
[Jameela Jamil said,] “I said it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to take that role and they should find a brilliant deaf woman to play that role. I think you have to make those choices and not be too greedy and make space rather than take space.”
Jamil added: “I don’t want to be part of erasure.” Her comments come amid the ongoing debate over roles for minority groups in Hollywood.
However Cate Blanchett believes actors should be able to play any role, and said: “I will fight to the death for the right to suspend disbelief and play roles beyond my experience.”
Jamil said a “big change needs to happen” in the industry.
She said: “I think it’s a very tricky one. I can understand where people are coming from when it comes to suspending disbelief but I think the thing we should actually be fighting for is more roles for people with disabilities and more roles for LGBTQ so there aren’t just five a year and then those get taken by big names.”
I love her.
Can we all just take a moment to appreciate Jameela Jamil? She is truly a wonderful person and she’s out there everyday proving we aren’t in the worst timeline.
“people with shitty parents support group”
just people trying to recover from their parents traumatizing them
members include, but aren’t limited to:
tony stark
peter quill
gamora
nebula
thor
hela
loki
bruce banner
clint barton
“ Here’s How I Imagine Animals Behave When You Aren’t Looking (10+ Pics)
This guy writes for Marvel? No wonder they’re having issues with Tony’s characterization these days.
Tony and “stingy” don’t even belong in the same sentence… in literally any universe.
This is incredibly shitty. Like, fine, Tony’s ego has been a running gag in the comics for years, and the Avengers have a history of teasing him about it. But if the writers are going introduce this kind of retconned bullshit about a character who throws money at every charity he can find, personally funds to rehabilitate supervillains, hugs babies at orphanages because “they need to be held,” helps just about everyone with tech and money, then it’s really not a wonder why Marvel Comics sucks ass at maintaining consistency.
hi can we normalize the idea of choosing not to drink
I think a lot about an episode of Finding Bigfoot where they played whale noises because they said a curious Bigfoot might come check it out and they were just out in god knows where The Woods Blvd. And they were like “these whale noises can be heard for a couple'a miles”
And I was just losing my mind thinking about the many times I’ve camped alone in the woods and how if I were just sitting around the campfire and through the usual din of coyotes and crickets I heard the slow and steady and distinct rise of whale calls
I’d go absolutely apeshit NOTHING would be scarier
New Cryptid: Forest Whales.
Not enough fish in the sea anymore, whales and dolphins re-evolved legs and got back on land and now frolick through the woods of the PNW terrorzing campers and occasionally giving rides to Bigfoots.
Me, whenever I haven’t added the facial hair onto a drawing of jacksepticeye yet: who is this…child? This sweet baby boy who has graced my page? Won’t somebody please come get their son?
Me, after adding the facial hair: ah, there’s the bastard.
Happens every time.
I cackled
ITS SO TRUE THOUGH! I have lost count of how many times I’ve drawn him at this point and it happens EVERY. DAMN. TIME!
“if there are no cops at pride who will protect us” bears and butches next question
Oliver: Why’s your tongue blue?
Allen: *Remembers how Oliver told him specifically not to eat sprinkles straight out of the container with a spoon*
Allen: I decided to see what paint tasted like.
Samifer AU where Lucifer makes a surprise appearance at Sam's house.
- I thought you said you were working this weekend... - Yes, well, work can wait. - I love you. - I love you more, Sam. - Shut up and come help me with dinner!
Holy fuck.
Top 10 Samifer fic rec!!
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